– English Lyrics

Lyrics & Translation

[English]

You get anything that's not Ralph

Lauren?

[laughter]

>> Yeah, I don't think so, Joe.

>> All right, I guess this will be fine.

[laughter]

>> Hey, listen. Uh, what are you what are

you doing tonight?

>> Not that much.

>> How would you feel about taking out my

assistant tag? I'll pay.

>> I got to say, it's going to take a lot

of money for me to go out on a date with

a dude.

>> I'm not asking you to go on a date with

him.

>> Really? cuz I could kind of use the

money. [laughter]

>> Joey, just just He's new in town and I

know he doesn't have any guy friends.

Just take him to like a ball game or

something. I'd really appreciate it.

>> Yeah. Okay. Sure. No problem.

>> Thank you.

>> Ooh. Hey, donuts.

>> Yeah.

>> Joey. Um, you look familiar. Are uh are

you on TV or something? Well, Joey

doesn't like to talk about it, but he's

one of the stars of Days of Our Lives.

[laughter]

>> That's right. That's right. Don't you

play a woman? [laughter]

>> A woman in a man's body.

>> Much better.

[laughter]

>> So, you know, Ross, it's funny cuz you

look familiar to me, too. Have you ever

been married? [laughter]

>> Well, yes. Yes, I have. In fact, um,

just the other day, Chris and I were

talking about how I've been married and

how I have a son.

>> Yeah, little Eric.

>> That's right. Wait, no, Ben. [laughter]

>> So, you just been married the one time

then? [laughter]

>> Well, um,

>> you've been married twice.

>> Yes.

And

another time after that.

Boy, I'm getting hungry.

Uh, hey Joey, have you ever been so

hungry on a date that when the girl goes

to the bathroom, you ate some of her

food? [laughter]

>> You said the waiter ate my cried cake.

[laughter]

>> Yeah. So, uh, Ross, now why did that

first marriage break up? Hm.

Was it because the woman was straight or

because she was a lesbian?

[laughter]

>> Do you two know each other?

>> No. No. No.

>> Just seems like Ross is the kind of guy

who would marry a woman on the verge of

being a lesbian and then push her over

the edge.

>> We should all get dressed up and go to

have champagne at the plaza.

>> Oh, okay.

>> But I I I can't stay too long. I got to

get up early for a commercial audition

tomorrow and I got to look good.

supposed to be playing a 19-year-old.

[laughter]

>> What?

>> So, when you said get up early, did you

mean 1986?

>> You guys don't think I look 19?

[laughter]

>> Oh, 19. We thought you said 90.

[laughter]

>> Okay, everybody, LET'S GO. LET'S GO.

>> OKAY.

>> [laughter]

[laughter]

>> SUP. [laughter]

>> SUP, DUDE.

Take whatever you want. Just please

don't hurt me. [laughter]

It's like playing a little PlayStation,

huh?

That's whack.

[laughter]

PlayStation is whack. [laughter]

Sup with the whack PlayStation sump.

[laughter]

Huh?

Come on. Am I 19 or what?

>> Yes. On a scale from 1 to 10, 10 being

the dumbest a person can look, you are

definitely 19.

>> Come on, man. Really? How old?

>> Young. You're a manchild. Okay, now go

get changed because everybody's ready.

And please, oh, please keep my

underwear. [laughter]

>> Oh, thanks.

>> Okay,

>> now I can pass for 19, right? [laughter]

>> Yes, you can pass for 19.

>> Really?

>> Yes.

>> Seriously? Seriously? Seriously? No.

Okay. You can play your own age, which

is 31.

[laughter]

>> I'm 30.

>> Joey, you are not. You're 31.

Oh crap.

>> Chandler, Monica, Phoebe, Rachel,

>> I'm 40. Jeez.

>> Look at you with your little maple syrup

award.

>> Yeah. May maybe you don't tell anyone

about this.

>> No, it's not a big deal. I do that too

with my shampoo bottle.

>> Really? Yeah.

>> What award are you practicing for?

>> Grammy.

>> Best new artist.

[laughter] Oh, hey, listen. The Soapies

people called today and also get to

present an award.

>> Oh, that's great. So, you'll definitely

get on stage even if you don't win.

[laughter]

>> You You don't think I'm going to win?

>> Oh, of course I do.

>> But you should probably start practicing

your your gracious loser face, you know,

when like when the cameras are on you

and you want to look disappointed, but

also that your colleague deserve to win,

you know? So, IT'S SORT OF LIKE

>> [applause]

>> HEY,

>> YOU KNOW

>> YOU practice losing at the Grammys, too?

>> Oh, no. At the Grammys, I always win.

>> Hey, guys.

>> Hey, sweetie.

>> Ready to go?

>> Yeah, sure. Oh, I left my purse up at

Monica's. I'll be right back.

>> Wait a minute.

>> What?

That one kept going.

Wow. You and Phoebe, huh? How long you

been going out?

>> Over a month.

>> Wow. Maybe uh maybe you and I ought to

get to know each other a little better.

>> Sure, I'd like that.

>> Yeah. So, uh

what's your name? [laughter]

>> It's Jake.

>> Joey.

>> Hey, Jake. Uh do you like the Knicks?

>> Yeah, big fan.

>> Me, too. There's a game on Tuesday. You

want to go? Yeah, that'd be great. Let

me make sure I'm not doing anything

Tuesday.

[laughter]

>> Hey,

>> listen. You know how uh when you're

wearing pants and you lean forward, I

check out your underwear?

>> Yeah. [laughter]

>> Well, when Jake did it, I saw that he

was wearing women's underwear.

>> I know. They were mine.

Oh, [laughter]

>> no. No, wait. That's weird.

>> No, it's not. We were just goofing

around and I dared him to try them on.

>> That's weird.

>> I'm wearing his briefs right now.

>> That's kind of hot.

>> I think so, too.

>> And that little flap. Great for holding

my lipstick.

[laughter]

>> Yeah, I wouldn't know about that.

And you know, Jake says that women's

underwear is actually more comfortable.

And he loves the way the silk feels

against his skin.

>> Yeah. Well, next thing you know, he'd be

telling you that your high heels are

good for his posture.

>> There is nothing wrong with Jake. Okay.

He is all man. I'm thinking even more

than you.

>> Oh, yeah. He look like a real lumberjack

in those pink laces.

I'm just saying that only a man

completely secure with his masculinity

could walk around in women's underwear.

I don't think you could ever do that.

>> Hey, I am secure with my masculinity.

>> Okay, whatever.

>> You've seen my huge stack of porn,

right?

[music]

[laughter]

>> [laughter]

>> Yeah.

[laughter]

[laughter]

>> Hey, Feebs.

>> Hey

Check it out.

>> Huh?

[cheering]

>> How much of a man am I?

>> Wow. Nice. Manly and also kind of a

...

>> You know, I'm beginning to see what Jake

was talking about.

>> The silk feels really good.

>> Yeah. And and things aren't as smashed

down as I thought they were going to be.

It's great, Joe.

>> Yeah. And you have so many more choices

than you do with men's underwear.

Bikini, French cut, thong, and and the

fabrics. You got cotton, silk, lace, and

you know what? I've always wondered

about

>> panty hoes. You know, the way they start

at your toe and then they go all the way

up to

[laughter]

>> I should go take these off, shouldn't I?

>> I think it's important that you do.

>> Feel better?

>> Yeah. much.

Listen, uh not that I'm, you know,

insecure about my manhood or anything,

you know, but uh I think I need to hook

up with a woman like right now.

>> Yeah, I understand.

>> Yeah. Okay.

>> Hey. Hi.

>> Hi.

>> You know, you look familiar. Do I know

you from somewhere?

>> I don't think so.

>> Maybe it's because I'm on television.

>> [laughter]

>> I'm an actor on Days of Our Lives.

>> Wow.

>> Really?

>> Mhm.

>> 450, please.

>> Oh, let me get this.

[laughter]

>> These are for you.

>> Well, if we learn one thing today,

cheese, it's that cheerleaders and high

explosives don't mix.

>> [laughter]

>> You couldn't play that again, Mac.

>> Well, I couldn't have done it without

you, buddy. You're a genius.

>> Oh, yeah? Well, then how come I can't

get my VCR to stop blinking 12:00?

So, what' you guys think?

[laughter]

>> Hey, hold the phone.

>> Hold on, please. Show it to your mom.

Mommy.

>> Wow. So, what did you think?

>> Well,

that was um okay.

>> It wasn't the best. That was one of the

worst things ever. [laughter]

And not just on TV.

>> What are we going to tell him?

>> Well, the the lighting was okay.

>> Oh, no you don't. You got lighting last

time. Lighting is mine.

>> I have costumes.

>> Oh, great. That means I'm stuck with So,

we were watching you in there and you

were sitting right here. Whoa.

>> When a guy breaks up with his

girlfriend, what is an appropriate

amount of time to wait before you make a

move?

>> Oh, I'd say about a month. Really? I'd

say 3 to four.

>> Half hour.

[laughter]

>> Interesting. [laughter]

>> When it's your assistant, I would say

never. All right, Ra. The big question

is, does he like you? Right? Because if

he doesn't like you, this is all a moo

point.

Huh? A moo point?

>> Yeah. It's like a cow's opinion.

It just doesn't matter.

It's moo.

>> [laughter]

>> Have I been living with him for too long

or did that all just make sense?

[laughter]

>> Please don't listen to Joey. Okay. Would

you look at him? I mean, he's he's

obviously depressed. He's away from his

family. He's spending Thanksgiving with

strangers. What he needs right now is

for you to be his friend. Oh, you're

right. I'm sorry. Thank you. Okay,

that's what I'm going to do.

>> Fine. Take their advice.

No one ever listens to me when the

package is this pretty. No one cares

what's inside. [laughter]

>> Hello.

>> Hey. Wow. They all look like they're

having fun, don't they?

>> Hey, so where are my parents going to

be?

>> Oh, let's see. Well, if this is the

wedding hall, then um your parents would

be over here at home in Queens.

[laughter]

>> What? They're not invited. Oh, no.

That's terrible. They're going to be

crushed.

>> Why would they think they're invited?

You got me. I don't. [laughter]

>> Joey,

>> I'm sorry. Look, I thought parents were

coming. You know, your parents are

coming. Jayla's parents are coming.

Ross's parents are coming. [laughter]

>> Ross's parents are my parents.

>> Well, see, parents are coming.

[laughter]

>> You know, I think we should invite them.

>> Oh, please. You just want more blue

pens.

>> Well, this is just sad.

>> The audition went really good.

>> What was it for? Oh, it's this big

budget period movie about these three

Italian brothers who come to America

around the turn of the century. It's

really classy. Oh, and the director is

supposed to be the next next Martin

Scorsesei.

[laughter]

>> The next next?

>> Yeah, there's this guy from Chicago is

supposed to be the next Martin

Scorsesei, [laughter]

but then this guy's right after him.

>> Hello,

>> JOEY. IT'S ESTELLE. I JUST TALKED TO THE

CASTING PEOPLE. THEY LOVED YOU.

>> They loved me.

>> Yeah. And they want to see you again

tomorrow.

>> Oh my god.

>> There's just one thing. Do you have a

problem with full frontal nudity?

[laughter]

>> Are you kidding me? I never rent a movie

without it. [laughter]

>> Oh.

Uh, okay. Uh, can let me call you back.

>> What's the matter? They want me to be

totally naked in the movie.

>> Wow.

>> I know. My grandmother's going to see

this.

>> Grandma's going to have to get in line.

>> Hey, what are you guys doing today?

>> Making holiday candy for the neighbors.

>> I'm sorry. Who?

>> I'm going to hang this basket on the

door and then when the neighbors walk

by, they can all take a piece.

>> But we don't know the neighbors.

>> I do. There's uh let's see guy with a

mustache.

Smokes a lot lady. [laughter] Kids I've

seen a red-haired guy who does not like

to be called Rusty.

>> See, this is exactly why I'm making this

candy. We can learn their names and get

to know our neighbors.

>> Wouldn't it be easier if we just moved?

So, I just talked to one of the duel

writers today. And

>> what is duel?

>> Days of our lives.

>> Anyway, you're not going to believe it.

My character is coming out of his coma.

>> And and and not only that, I'm getting a

new brain.

>> So, great things are happening at work

and in your personal life. [laughter]

>> Wait, what do you mean you're getting a

new brain?

>> Well, they're killing off one of the

characters on the show, and when she

dies, her brain is being transplanted

into my body. [laughter]

>> What? A brain transplant? It's

ridiculous. Oh, I think it's ridiculous

that you haven't had sex in three and a

half months.

>> It's winter. There are fewer people on

the street.

[laughter]

>> Who are they killing off?

>> Uh Cecilia Monroe. She plays Jessica

Lockhart.

>> NO.

>> NO. [laughter]

>> SHE is so good at throwing drinks in

people's faces. I mean, I don't think

I've ever seen her finish a beverage.

>> And the way she slaps people all the

time. Wouldn't you love to do that just

once?

>> I'll do it.

>> Man, she's been on the show forever.

It's going to be really hard to fill her

shoes.

>> Yeah. Yeah. Help me out here. When you

when you come out of the brain

transplant,

>> you are going to be her?

>> Yes, but in Drake Raor's body.

[laughter]

>> Why is this so hard for you to get? I

thought you were a scientist. [laughter]

>> [applause]

>> I haven't met any Portuguese people. I I

haven't had the perfect kiss. And I

haven't been to sniper school.

>> Thieves, wait up. Listen. Uh,

close your eyes.

Maybe that's one thing you can cross off

your list.

>> Oh yeah.

>> Presenting the award for favorite

returning male character is Mackenzie.

>> This is it. This is this my category.

>> Oh my god. Do you have speech?

>> Yep. Got my speech.

>> Did you got your gracious loser face?

>> Yep.

>> No, Charlie. Remember, if you win, you

have to hug me. You hug me.

>> Okay. They say,

>> "Can I squeeze your ass [laughter]

>> on TV?"

>> Proven that this is not always

>> the category of favorite returning male

character. The nominees are John Wheeler

from General Hospital, [applause]

Gavin Graham from The Young and the

Restless, [applause]

Duncan Harrington from Passions,

[applause] and Joey Triani from Days of

Our Lives.

[applause] And the Sophie goes to

Gavin Graham from The Young and the

Restless.

>> Woohoo!

>> Die Hard still great.

>> Yeah.

>> Hey, what do you say we make it a double

feature?

>> What else you rent?

>> Die Hard, too.

Joey, this is Die Hard one again.

[laughter]

>> Well, we watch it a second time and it's

Die Hard 2.

>> Joey, we just saw it and

>> and it would be cool to see it again.

>> Yeah, Die Hard.

>> Dude, you didn't say Die Hard.

>> Is everything okay? [laughter]

>> Yeah, I just got I got plans.

>> Well, John Mlan had plans.

Now, you see the thing is I want to get

out of here before Joey gets all worked

up and starts calling everybody

>> What are you talking about,

[laughter]

[laughter]

>> [applause and cheering]

>> What happened?

>> I don't know. [laughter]

You fell asleep. That is all.

>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

>> All right. Well, uh I better go home.

>> Yeah. I think that would be best.

>> All right. I'll talk to you later.

>> Okay. But not about this.

>> No. Never.

>> Never.

>> So, uh uh

bye.

>> No touch. No touch.

>> [music]

[laughter]

>> Hey,

>> just uh brought back your videos.

>> Uh hey, uh Ross, look. Uh I think we

need to talk about before.

>> No, no, we don't.

>> Yes, we do. Now, look, that was the best

nap I ever had.

>> [laughter]

>> I I don't know what you're talking

about.

Come on, admit it. That was the best nap

you ever had. [laughter]

>> I've had better.

>> Okay. When

All right. ALL RIGHT. IT WAS THE BEST

NAP EVER. I SAID IT. OKAY. BUT IT'S

OVER, JOEY.

[laughter]

>> I want to DO IT AGAIN.

>> [cheering and applause]

[laughter]

>> WE CAN'T DO it again.

>> Why not?

>> Because it's weird.

[laughter]

>> Fine.

>> You want something to drink?

>> Sure. What do you got?

>> Warm milk and etc.

>> Boy, I'll tell you that judging stuff

took a lot out of me.

>> Yeah.

>> Yeah. think about maybe going upstairs

and taking a little nap on my couch.

[laughter]

>> Why Why would I care about that?

>> No reason. I'm just saying that uh

that's where I'll be. [laughter]

>> [laughter]

>> Great nap. It really was.

>> [cheering and applause]

[laughter]

>> Dude, what the hell are you doing?

[cheering]

[laughter]

>> Excuse me.

>> [cheering]

>> Did you uh find anyone to marry you guys

yet?

>> No, but horny for Monica Minister called

>> wanting to know if we were still

together.

>> We're never going to find anybody.

>> Well, then let me do it,

>> Joe.

>> No, no, no. Look, I've been thinking

about it. I'm an actor, right? So, I

won't get nervous talking in front of

people. I won't spit and I won't stare

at Monica's breasts.

You know, everyone knows I'm an assman.

That is true.

>> Yeah. And the most important thing is it

won't be some like stranger up there who

barely knows you. It'll be me. And I

swear I'll do a really good job. Plus,

you know, I love you guys and and it

would really mean a lot to me.

>> Might be kind of cool.

>> So, I can do it?

>> Yeah, you can do it.

>> All right. You don't get [laughter]

really.

>> Okay. Okay. I got to get started on my

speech. Oh, wait a minute.

Internet ministers can still have sex,

right?

>> I was sailing.

>> I don't want to talk about us.

[laughter] You know,

>> you could have at least saved me A WHOLE

COOKIE.

>> NO, NO, NO. [laughter]

>> Women are mean.

>> Cannot believe I'm going to meet

Jessica. Ashley,

>> wait. Please be cool, okay? I work with

this woman.

>> Okay, I'm totally cool. Okay,

>> come in.

>> Hey, Jessica.

>> Hey, Jess.

>> This is my friend Rachel.

>> Hi. What's up?

[laughter]

>> Uh, listen. Here's your trophy. I

accepted it for you.

>> Oh my god. I won. Do you have any idea

what this means?

[laughter]

>> That That That's it. You're not going to

You're not going to put on your shelf or

anything? No, I try to save that for

real awards. Now, if you'll excuse me,

>> take it back.

>> Absolutely.

>> Yeah.

>> Yeah, you do.

>> Try these on and we'll see if we'll get

a better idea of what's going to work.

>> Thanks. You are such a good friend. And

this is so weird. [laughter]

Ow.

>> Toothpick.

>> Yeah.

[laughter]

>> What are you trying on now?

>> The fruit roll up

>> and

>> delicious.

[laughter]

>> Joey,

>> wait a minute. Wait a minute. We have a

winner.

>> What? Which one?

>> The silly buddy.

>> Not so silly anymore.

>> [music]

>> And what's cool is the character is from

Naples, right?

>> Yeah.

>> My whole family's from Naples.

>> That's great. Okay. Well, I've heard

everything I need to hear.

We just need to uh

Leslie.

>> Uh Joey, this is the awkward part.

>> Oh, hey. Right. Not a problem. I totally

understand. You need to, you know, make

sure I don't have any horrible scars or

tattoos. Don't you worry,

>> I have nothing to hide.

So, there you go. That's me. 100%

natural.

[cheering]

>> You're here. All right. I figured it

out. I'm going to take two tables of

eight. I'm going to add your parents and

I'm going to turn them into three tables

of six. Okay. And I call the caterer. I

added two extra meals. We are good to

go.

>> Yeah. Yeah, they're not coming.

>> What?

>> Somehow they got the idea that you only

invited them because of me. They feel a

little unwanted.

>> Oh, that's too bad. It's true. But too

bad.

>> Look. Mom, if you could just call my

mom.

>> Oh, Joey.

>> Come on. Look, just just let her know

that you really want them to be there.

Let's not forget this is a woman who has

sent you many lasagnas over the years.

>> No, she hasn't.

>> Is it her fault if some of them didn't

make it to you? [laughter]

What am I going to say?

>> I don't know. Just uh just tell them

there was a mixup with the invitations

or No, no, no. Blame it on the post

office. They hate the post office and

the Irish, [laughter] but I don't think

you could blame it on them. So,

hello. Yeah. Hi, uh Mrs. Trivani. Hi,

this is Monica Geller. Yeah, I'm I'm

just calling to say that Chandler and I

really hope that you can make it to the

wedding. Yeah. Apparently, a bunch of

the invitations that we sent weren't

delivered. Um, I guess there was some

screw- up at the damn post office.

Tell me about it. [laughter]

Yeah. Yeah. The US post office. No, more

like US lost office. [laughter]

What are they? Irish?

>> Been a while, huh? Well, it's funny.

These halls look smaller than they used

to.

>> It's a different building.

Dope.

>> Striker Raor, huh? When do you want me

to start?

>> Why don't we start right now?

>> Okay.

Here are the audition scenes.

[laughter]

>> Audition? Thought you were going to

offer me the part. Why would you think

that? Well, I was Dr. Drake Remores,

Striker's twin brother, who looks more

like me than me, right? [laughter]

Everybody has to audition.

You know, Terry, I I don't really need

to do this. I got my own cable TV series

with the robot.

>> I'm sorry, Joey. That's That's the way

it is. Well,

I guess you think you're pretty special,

huh? Sitting up here in your fancy small

hall building, [laughter]

making stars jump through hoops for you,

huh? Well, you know what?

>> [laughter]

>> This is one star whose hoop.

This is a star that the hoop this hoop.

>> I WAS DR. DRAKE MEMORIAL.

>> But I just keep thinking what would

happen if if you two actually had hooked

up.

>> Honey, dinner's ready.

[cheering]

>> What's my little chef got for me

tonight? your favorite.

>> Fried stuff with cheese.

>> Yep. And lots of it.

>> Thanks, sweetheart.

>> You want to go?

>> Yeah. Here we go. Here we go.

How you doing?

Key Vocabulary

Vocabulary	Meanings
assistant /əˈsɪstənt/ B1	noun - a person who ranks below a senior and helps them
audition /ɔːˈdɪʃən/ B2	noun - an interview for a role or job as a performer
champagne /ʃæmˈpeɪn/ B2	noun - a white sparkling wine
depressed /dɪˈprɛst/ B1	adjective - feeling severe despondency and dejection
disappointed /ˌdɪsəˈpɔɪntɪd/ A2	adjective - sad or displeased because someone or something has failed to fulfill one's hopes
familiar /fəˈmɪliər/ A2	adjective - well known from long or close association
gracious /ˈɡreɪʃəs/ C1	adjective - courteous, kind, and pleasant
hunger /ˈhʌŋɡər/ A2	noun - a feeling of discomfort or weakness caused by lack of food
invitation /ˌɪnvɪˈteɪʃən/ A2	noun - a written or verbal request to go somewhere
lesbian /ˈlɛzbiən/ B2	noun - a woman who is sexually attracted to other women
masculinity /ˌmæskjəˈlɪnɪti/ C1	noun - possession of the qualities traditionally associated with men
nudity /ˈnjuːdɪti/ C1	noun - the state of not wearing any clothes
posture /ˈpɒstʃər/ B2	noun - a particular position of the body
ridiculous /rɪˈdɪkjʊləs/ B1	adjective - deserving or inviting derision or mockery; absurd
transplant /trænsˈplɑːnt/ B2	noun - the act of moving an organ or tissue to another place

Key Grammar Structures

• How would you feel about taking out my assistant?

  ➔ Conditional/Polite request structure

  ➔ "How would you feel about" + gerund is used to make a polite suggestion.

• Have you ever been so hungry on a date that when the girl goes to the bathroom, you ate some of her food?

  ➔ Present Perfect with 'ever' + Result clause

  ➔ The structure "so + adjective + that" describes an extreme degree resulting in an action.

• Just seems like Ross is the kind of guy who would marry a woman on the verge of being a lesbian.

  ➔ Relative clause with 'who' and conditional 'would'

  ➔ "Would" is used here to describe a habitual or characteristic action in the past or hypothetical situation.

• And please, oh, please keep my underwear.

  ➔ Imperative (Positive)

  ➔ The imperative form "keep" is used to give a strong request or instruction.

• You don't think I'm going to win?

  ➔ Future with 'be going to' in an interrogative negative sentence

  ➔ "Be going to" indicates a prediction or a plan. The negative question often expresses surprise.

• I wouldn't know about that.

  ➔ Conditional 'would' for hypothetical status

  ➔ "Wouldn't know" implies that the speaker is not in a position to have the experience described.

• I'm beginning to see what Jake was talking about.

  ➔ Present Continuous for process + noun clause

  ➔ "Am beginning" emphasizes that an understanding is developing over time.

• What is an appropriate amount of time to wait before you make a move?

  ➔ Infinitive phrase acting as an adjective

  ➔ "To wait" modifies the noun "amount of time", specifying what kind of time it is.