– English Lyrics

Lyrics & Translation

[English]

Hi you guys. Hi.

>> Hey. What's the matter? Well, it's just

it's one of these situations that I just

hate. You know, a massage client gave me

three tickets to the helmet pelts

exhibit at the Morgan Chase Museum.

>> Now you're thinking you're going to

sleep with them.

>> No, no. It's just that he gave me three

tickets and there are six of us.

>> I'll give up my ticket. Me, too.

>> Okay. That's so generous.

>> And I think Ross is generous, too.

Great. Okay, then it's just us girls.

Great.

>> Yeah.

>> So, what what is the exhibit?

>> It's mostly just photographs of um

lesbian love scenes interspersed with

video games and free sandwiches.

>> Oh, man.

>> Hey.

>> Hi there.

>> Hey, Ross. Listen, Chandler got you out

of going to the lesbian sandwich museum

this weekend.

>> Hey.

>> Hey, Bie. Guess what? What? Joey just

hired Chandler to be his assistant.

>> Oh, that's so sweet. Oh, hang on.

Hang on.

Go.

No, no, no. I said sell when it hits 50.

5. It's a number. It comes after 49.

No, it's okay. It's okay. You're allowed

one mistake.

>> Just kidding. You are of course fired.

[Music]

>> Hang on.

Hang on.

Hang on.

Go. Who's this? Oh, okay. You're going

to like working for me. What's your

name? What kind of name is Brindy?

I whatever. Stop talking.

>> All right. Um, from now on, your name is

Joan. You can pick your own last name.

>> No. No. No. No. Wait. You didn't just

sit on my Kit Kats, did you?

>> No. There. There was a a little little

dip in the market and I lost $13

million.

>> But the Kit Kats are all right.

>> What am I going to do? What am I going

to do? I can't call my office. They'll

kill me. I can't call my clients.

They'll kill themselves.

Great. Well, now my chest hurts.

>> What? My chest hurts.

And now I I can't breathe.

>> Baby, are you having a heart attack?

>> Well, if I were, would would I have

shooting pains up and down my left arm?

>> Yes. Then yes, that is what I'm having.

Oh my god.

>> Come on, Feebs. It's not that bad. You

know, most people would be excited if

they didn't have to work for a couple of

weeks.

>> Most people don't like their jobs. I

love my job. I've been not working for 3

hours and I'm already going crazy. I

miss Joan.

>> Honey, having a heart attack is nature's

way of telling you to slow it down.

>> I always thought having a heart attack

was nature's way of telling you to die.

>> But you're not going to die. I mean, you

are going to die, but you're not going

to die today.

I wish I was dead.

>> Let's take a walk. You know, maybe you

should consider writing for Talking Out

of Your Ass magazine.

>> Oh, here it is. Oh, Joey, why did you

sign it? Son of a

>> I didn't do that. Who would have done

that?

>> Son of a

>> Okay, maybe ask this guy.

>> You get out of my shop.

>> What? What did he do? He went out with

my wife.

>> Joey?

>> Well, I I Hey, I did not go out with

your wife. Okay. I I went out with her.

>> That's my wife.

>> Get out.

>> We should go.

>> Found you in my bed.

How' you wind up there? You are a

mystery.

Little black curly hair.

Little black hair. Little black. Little

black. Little black. Little black. A

little black curly hair.

Thank you.

Um, now if you want to receive emails

about my upcoming shows, then please

give me money so I can buy a computer.

>> You got the kind with the little girl.

You said we were going to get the kind

with the baby.

>> No, you said the baby creeps you out.

No, the little girl creeps me out.

>> You said the baby.

>> Why would the baby creep me out?

>> Why would the little girl creep you out?

>> You guys, I'm sorry. Can you please talk

a little slower?

>> This is going in your book.

>> Yeah, it's about relationships. You

know, the traps, the pitfalls, what not

to do. Keep going. This stuff's great.

>> Excuse me. And how none of it matters

when the people really love each other.

>> And how people will believe anything you

tell them as long as it's a compliment.

[Applause]

So, do you think uh Joey's more charming

than me?

>> Yeah, that's why I'm sleeping with him

on the side.

>> Yeah, you wish.

>> You wish.

>> Stop writing about us.

>> I'm not writing about you. I'm writing

about other people.

>> Who?

>> Marsha and Chester.

>> Okay, fine. Fine. Then you know what? I

will just write about Phyllis.

>> Huh?

>> Phyllis is sitting in the chair.

>> Oh,

>> I see what you're doing. Phyllis sees

what I'm doing.

>> Ooh, I have tasted my own medicine and

it is bitter.

>> Guys, look who's back.

>> Hey, Febs.

>> Call security.

>> Fees. Uh, didn't you get fired?

>> I don't think so.

>> Phoebe.

>> Jack. Hey,

>> what are you doing here?

>> All better. Back to work. Except this

clown from research told me I was fired.

He should do his research, huh?

>> Well, you were fired.

>> Nuh-uh.

>> I told that guy who answered your phone.

>> Oh, okay. I didn't get that message, so

this doesn't count. Anyway, I'll be in

my office.

>> Uh, Phoebe, you you you don't have an

office.

>> That's all right. I'll I'll work right

here. This is good. next to this plant.

>> You're in my office.

>> Look, I have made a lot of cash for this

company. Okay, I am talking big bucks,

pesos, yen, rubles. You make one little

mistake.

>> You lost $13 million.

>> Oh, so now this is all about money.

You know it's bad enough then. Ow. Oh,

you have got to be kidding.

>> Are you all right?

>> I'm having another heart attack.

>> What? I'm having another heart attack.

Call 911.

>> Hey,

>> dumbass.

>> Hey, thieves. How's it going? They fired

me and I'm having a heart attack. Well,

welcome back.

>> Yeah, I think you've had enough to

drink. I'm just helping the kids.

>> How is you drinking helping the kids?

>> Because the more I drink, the less there

is for the kids to drink.

Mr. Tribani,

>> your generous contribution brings us a

big step closer to building the youth

center.

>> Just out of curiosity, how how much is

that boat worth?

>> I think it was valued at 19,000.

>> That was pretty close.

>> Uh, so bad news. Um, I can't buy the

boat. I don't have any money.

>> I will look in the back closet.

>> I can save you time, ladies. I'm right

here.

>> Yeah. Chandler, why don't you take a

walk? This doesn't concern you.

>> We are looking for our Christmas

presents for Monica.

>> What? That's terrible.

>> No. No. We do it every year.

>> Oh, well that that makes it not

terrible.

>> No. Yeah, we never find them. She's

always best at us. That wy minkx.

>> Yeah. Don't worry. We're just going to

search here for an hour and then we're

going to go over to Joey's and search.

Okay. No, not okay. You can't look for

Monica's presents.

>> Oh, no. We have to.

>> No, you don't have to. And you can't

because I I live here, too.

>> Well, then you should look with us.

>> Why?

>> Chandler, aren't you worried about what

to get Monica for Christmas?

>> No. I have a great idea for a present

for her.

>> Oh, that's it? A great idea? I guess.

>> Chandler, that's not enough. I mean,

what if she gets you a great present,

two medium presents, and then a bunch of

little presents, and you've just gotten

her one great present? I mean, that's

just going to make her feel bad. Why

would you do that to her, Chandler? Why?

Why?

>> If I helped, we could find him faster.

>> That's right.

[Music]

We're going to find love. Definitely.

>> Yeah, I'm pretty confident about that.

That's what makes it so easy for me to

be 80% happy for Monica and Chandler.

>> It'd be nice to have a little guarantee,

though. What do you mean? Well, you

know, some people make deals with a

friend, like if neither of them are

married, by the time they're 40, they

marry each other. Mhm. You mean a

backup?

>> Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah, I've got

that.

>> You do?

>> Mhm.

>> Who? Joey. Joey?

>> Yeah. Are you serious? Yeah, I locked

him in years ago.

>> Wait, so if neither of you were married

by the time you're 40, you're going to

marry Joey?

>> Yeah, we shook on it.

>> Yeah, but believe me, that is not how he

wanted to seal the deal.

>> Oh, seriously?

>> Oh, yeah. I think his exact words were

>> charming.

He's just a backup.

Rachel's not going to pick your stupid

guy.

>> Oh, yeah.

>> Yeah. My guy is a lawyer who does

volunteer work and he has one of these.

>> A face ass.

>> A chin dimple. Well, uh, you know, our

guy works with Chandler and he's really

nice and smart and he's a great dresser.

Have you seen your guy's body?

>> No. Our guy is just a floating head.

>> Well, my guy is spectacular. Okay. He's

a massage client. And one time, um, when

he was on the table, I looked at it. And

I mean all of it.

>> You're not supposed to look.

>> Oh, yeah. Like they're police for that.

>> But you look you you massage me.

>> I know.

>> All right, fine. Your guy may have a

great body, but our guy is really funny.

>> Oh, Chandler funny.

>> Our guy's a great dancer. My guy's well

read.

>> Our guy has great hair. My guy has great

teeth.

>> Our guy smells incredible.

>> Do you want our guy to be your guy?

>> The 9 millionth ring store we've been

to, and I can't find the perfect ring.

Ugly ring. Ugly ring. Ugly ring.

It's a beautiful selection.

>> Okay, so maybe you don't get her a ring.

Maybe you maybe you do something

different, you know? Maybe you get her

an engagement bracelet, you know, or an

engagement tiara or an engagement

revolutionary war musket.

>> You know, I'm so glad I picked you to

help me with this.

>> Can't you just imagine getting down on

one knee and handing her this gorgeous

piece of weaponry?

>> Yeah, I'm going to stick with the ring.

>> It only takes two heart attacks to

finally make you see. One of them won't

do it, but the second will set you free.

Tell all your hate and anger it's time

to say goodbye. And that is just what I

will do. Soon as those bastards I worked

for die,

[Applause]

[Music]

the most beautiful engagement ring ever.

>> Yeah. Well, you should know. You bought

like a billion of them.

>> Yeah, you didn't get one.

>> Okay. Well, tonight's the big night.

>> Hey, listen. How you going to ask her?

>> It is going to be perfect. I am taking

her to her favorite restaurant, I'm

going to get her a bottle of the

champagne that she really loves,

therefore knows how expensive it is.

Then, when the glasses are full, instead

of proposing a toast, I'm just going to

propose.

>> It sounds perfect.

>> You're going to mess it up. Let me do

it.

>> I'm not going to mess it up.

>> If she says no, can I have the ring?

>> She's not going to say no. If

>> Hey.

>> Hey.

>> Hey.

>> Give it.

>> It's gone.

>> Phoebe.

>> We're practically kissing.

[Music]

>> Hey.

>> Hey. Hey, what have you guys been up to?

>> Oh, we went to a self-defense class

today.

>> Wow.

>> Yeah. Kicking a guy in the crotch all

morning really takes it out of you.

>> Takes it out of you.

>> No. Now we can kick anybody's ass.

>> Yeah.

>> After one class, I don't think so.

>> What? You want to see me self-defend

myself? Go over there and pretend you're

a sexual predator. Go on. I dare you.

>> Of course you could defend yourself from

an attack you know is coming. That's not

enough. Look, I studied karate for a

long time,

and there's a concept you should really

be familiar with. It's what the Japanese

call unagi.

>> Isn't that a kind of sushi?

>> No, it's a concept.

>> Yeah, it is. It is. It's freshwater

heel.

>> All right. Maybe it means that, too.

>> Oh, I would kill for a salmon skin roll

right now.

No, fine. Get attacked. I don't even

care.

>> Come on, Ross. We're sorry. Please tell

us what it is.

>> Unagi is a state of total awareness.

Okay. Only by achieving true unagi can

you be prepared for any danger that may

befall you.

>> You mean in case someone's trying to

steal your bamboo sleeping mat or your

kettle of fish?

All I'm saying is it's one thing being

prepared for an attack against like each

other. Whole another story. Being

prepared for an attack. I don't know.

Like surprise.

[Laughter]

All right. You knew that was coming. But

that doesn't mean you have unagi.

[Applause]

Oh, you know what? If we made

reservations, we could have unagi in

about a half hour.

[Music]

>> It was good.

>> Oh, yeah.

[Laughter]

>> What the hell was that?

>> A lesson in the importance of unagi.

[Applause]

>> You're a freak. Perhaps.

Now, I'm curious. At what point during

those girish screams would you have

begun to kick my ass?

>> All right. So, we weren't prepared.

>> I'm sorry I had to take such drastic

measures to make my point, but I look, I

just want you guys to be safe.

>> Danger.

Uhhuh.

Unagi

[Music]

[Applause]

>> danger.

[Laughter]

[Applause]

Ah,

salmon skin roll.

[Music]

Pat Satac. Yeah. Alex Tbec. Oh, of

course. Chuck Woolery. FE. Definitely

Phoebe. You will not find a single game

show host whose ass I cannot kick.

[Laughter]

>> Say it. Say we are Unagi.

It's not something you are, it's

something you have.

>> Say it.

>> You know what? I could easily get out of

this, but there's a chance you could get

very, very hurt.

[Music]

Uh-huh.

Nowhere to run.

>> I don't like sitting up here. I'm I'm

going to go over. Rachel, they got here

first.

[Laughter]

>> Why is Ross doing that?

>> Danger.

>> Oh my god. Why is he jumping on those

women?

>> We should help them.

I I don't think they need any help.

Hey, I'm here.

>> Oh my god.

>> You like it?

>> It's my new apothecary table.

>> Ros Stevie is going to be here any

second. She cannot see this.

>> Oh, why not? She'll She'll love it. It's

the real thing. I got it at Pottery

Barn.

>> I know you did. I bought the same one.

And if she sees your table, she's going

to know that I lied to her. I told her

that ours was an original.

>> Why did you do that?

>> Because she hates Pottery Barn.

>> She hates Pottery Barn.

>> I know. I know. She says it's all

mass-produced. Nothing is authentic. And

everyone winds up having the same stuff.

>> So, come on. She's going to be here any

second. Can we please just cover this up

with something, please?

>> What? No. No. I am not going to hide it

from Phoebe. Oh. Although, I did get

some great Pottery Barn sheets.

Oh, I forgot they made sheets.

>> Yeah,

>> I still can't believe she hates Pottery

Barn.

>> Ross, get over it. It's not like she

hates you.

>> Yeah, but Pottery Barn,

>> you know, when I think she's just she's

weird, you know? It's because she's a

twin. Twins are weird.

>> Ross, she's not weird. She just likes

her stuff to be one of a kind. Huh? You

know what's not one of a kind? A twin.

>> Hey.

>> Hey.

>> Oh, Phoebe's here. Okay. So, let's turn

out all the lights and we'll just watch

the movie. Okay. Hey. Ooh, cool sheet.

>> Oh, you like it? You want to know where

I got it?

>> Sure. They got They got it at a flea

market.

>> You bought your sheets at a flea market.

Ross, come on. You got to loosen the

purse strings a little.

[Music]

[Laughter]

Hey babes, can you please not put your

feet up on my new

old sheet?

>> My apothecary table.

>> What? No.

>> Ross, where did you get this?

>> I got it at Pottery Barn. Okay.

Oh my god. Baby Pottery Barn has ripped

off the design of our antique.

>> Wow.

>> Oh my god. Well, if they've ripped off

our table, ours must be worth much more

than $150.

>> Well, this doesn't even smell like

opium.

>> Of course not. It smells like wine,

which you spilled. And thanks for

wrecking my sheet, by the way.

>> Oh, Ross, calm down. I'll give you the

80 cents.

How you going?

>> I'm doing okay. I think it's going well.

Do you think they're having fun? Am I

talking too fast?

>> Nope. Sound like me.

>> Babes, it's going great. Look at

Chandler with little baby girl Chandler.

>> Little baby girl Chandler. Where have I

heard that before? All right, Coach

Ruben.

>> You know what, Feebs? Uh, when you're

done over there, we've got a kind of

situation over here, too.

>> Nuh-uh. No, we are all responsible for

our own babies.

>> See, that's where I think that you're

wrong. We've been playing these babies

manto man. We should really be playing a

zone defense.

>> What do you mean?

>> I just think things will go a lot

smoother if we each have our own zone.

You know, Phoebe, you can be in charge

of wiping

and you know, mine, you can be in charge

of diapering and I can be in charge of

looking how cute they are when they put

their hands around.

>> That sounds really great. But maybe you

should be in charge of wiping.

>> Okay, I'm a rookie. I should not be in

the end zone.

>> Hi.

>> Hey.

>> Oh, what's the matter?

>> Well,

you know that psychic I see?

>> Yeah.

>> Well, she told me that I'm going to die

this week, so I'm kind of bummed about

that.

>> What?

>> Yeah. And I know you guys don't know a

lot about psychic readings, but that one

is pretty much the worst one you can

get.

>> That's crazy.

>> I can't believe she would say that to

you.

>> Yeah, honey. You don't believe her, do

you? I don't. She, you know, said that

I'd have triplets, but she also said one

of them would be black.

>> Just out of curiosity, did she tell you

how you're going to go?

>> No, cuz she didn't tell me I was going

to die till the very end of the session,

and I was not going to waste a whole

other hour there. I mean, I've only got

a week left, you know? I've really got

to start living now.

[Music]

>> Hey. Hey, Feb. You're still alive.

How are you feeling?

>> Oh, it's so exhausting waiting for

death.

Oh, by the way, do you think you

peeps? What are you doing?

>> I was preparing you for my death. Didn't

you think I was dead? Did that not come

off?

>> Oh, yeah. Scared the hell out of me. I

thought we'd lost you forever.

Fibs, do you want to lie down?

>> Yeah. Thanks. And listen, can you do me

a favor? Could you just um wake me up in

a couple hours? You know, if you can

[Applause]

Hey. Hey, listen to this. My reading was

wrong. I'm not going to die.

>> Really? How do you know? Because my

psychic is dead.

She must have read the cards wrong.

>> Oh, I'm sorry. Ah, better her than me.

>> Hey, let's bake cookies. So, you go

ahead. I'll catch up. Okay. Okay.

>> Come on. Let's start running. Let's go.

[Music]

>> You guys, I'm telling you, when she

runs, she looks like a cross between

Kermit the Frog and the $6 million man.

Monica had such a crush on him that she

used to kiss his poster every night

before she went to bed.

>> Oh, I used to do that, too.

>> Did you also have his album? It's not

easy being green.

>> Oh,

so Phoebe runs weird, huh?

>> Yeah. Yeah. You know what? And and I

know she's going to want to run again. I

just don't I don't know how to get out

of it. I mean, I live with her. Why

don't you just be straight with her?

Tell her the truth.

>> You're right.

>> You're right. I should just tell her the

truth.

>> Hey.

>> Hey.

>> Hey, babe. Monica tripped me. I don't

think I can ever run again. Ever.

>> Why? Why would you do that?

>> I don't know.

>> Rachel, I'm sorry that I hurt your

ankles. Ankle. We'll see.

[Music]

Hi.

>> Oh, yeah. Hi, it's me. I saw you grab

your running shoes this morning and

sneak out. You lied so you could run by

yourself.

>> No. No, Phoebe. No, I was No, you know

what? I was I was actually just checking

to see if I could run, and I can.

>> Please, Rachel. I am not an idiot.

>> No, wait, Phoebe.

[Music]

Key Vocabulary

Vocabulary	Meanings
heart attack /hɑːrt əˈtæk/ B2	noun - a sudden medical emergency in which the blood supply to the heart is blocked
unagi /ʊˈnɑːgi/ C1	noun - a state of total awareness; a concept used humorously in the TV show “Friends”
psychic /ˈsaɪkɪk/ B2	noun - a person who claims to have abilities to perceive information beyond the normal senses adjective - relating to extrasensory perception or the supernatural
danger /ˈdeɪndʒər/ A2	noun - the possibility of harm or injury
engagement /ɪnˈgeɪdʒmənt/ B2	noun - a formal agreement to marry; also a period of involvement in a particular activity
ring /rɪŋ/ A2	noun - a circular band, usually worn on a finger as jewelry verb - to surround or encircle something
proposal /prəˈpəʊzəl/ B2	noun - a plan or suggestion put forward for consideration; a marriage proposal
champagne /ʃæmˈpeɪn/ B1	noun - a sparkling wine from the Champagne region of France, often used in celebrations
museum /mjuːˈziːəm/ A2	noun - a building where objects of artistic, cultural, historical, or scientific interest are displayed
exhibit /ɪɡˈzɪbɪt/ B1	verb - to display publicly noun - an public display of objects, often in a museum or gallery
photograph /ˈfəʊtəɡrɑːf/ B1	noun - a picture made using a camera verb - to take a picture with a camera
lesbian /ˈlɛzbiən/ B2	adjective - relating to women who are romantically or sexually attracted to other women noun - a woman who is romantically or sexually attracted to other women
sandwich /ˈsændwɪtʃ/ A2	noun - two slices of bread with a filling such as meat, cheese, or vegetables
assistant /əˈsɪstənt/ B1	noun - a person who helps or supports another in their work
client /ˈklaɪənt/ B1	noun - a person who receives professional services from another
ticket /ˈtɪkɪt/ A2	noun - a printed or electronic pass giving the holder a right to enter or use a service
money /ˈmʌni/ A1	noun - a medium of exchange, typically in the form of coins and banknotes
kill /kɪl/ B1	verb - to cause the death of a living being
prepared /prɪˈpɛəd/ B2	adjective - ready for use or action; having made necessary arrangements
awareness /əˈwɛənəs/ B2	noun - knowledge or perception of a situation or fact

Key Grammar Structures

• I can’t call my office. They’ll kill me.

  ➔ Modal verbs (can’t, will) for ability and future prediction

  ➔ The modal "can’t" shows lack of ability, while "will" in "they’ll" predicts a future action.

• If I were, would I have shooting pains up and down my left arm?

  ➔ Second conditional (if + past simple, would + base verb) for unreal present situations

  ➔ The clause "If I were" uses the subjunctive past "were"; "would I have" forms the result clause.

• I wish I was dead.

  ➔ Wish + past simple for an unreal wish about the present

  ➔ "wish" introduces a wish that is contrary to fact; the verb "was" is in the past simple to show unreality.

• You’re of course fired.

  ➔ Passive voice (present simple) – verb ‘to be’ + past participle

  ➔ "are" is the present form of "to be"; "fired" is a past participle forming the passive meaning ‘you have been dismissed’.

• I’ve made a lot of cash for this company.

  ➔ Present perfect (have + past participle) – action with relevance to the present

  ➔ "have made" combines the auxiliary "have" with the past participle "made" to show that the earning happened before now and is still relevant.

• You should consider writing for Talking Out of Your Ass magazine.

  ➔ Modal verb ‘should’ + infinitive for giving advice

  ➔ "should consider" uses the modal "should" followed by the base verb "consider" to suggest a recommended action.

• If she says no, can I have the ring?

  ➔ First conditional (if + present simple, will/can + base verb) for real future possibility

  ➔ "If she says no" uses the present simple to describe a possible future event; "can I have" asks for permission based on that condition.

• It only takes two heart attacks to finally make you see.

  ➔ Cleft construction with "it takes" + object + infinitive to express necessity

  ➔ "It" is a dummy subject; "takes" is the verb; "two heart attacks" is the object; "to finally make you see" is an infinitive clause indicating purpose.

• Don’t put your feet up on my new old sheet.

  ➔ Imperative negative with ‘don’t’ + base verb

  ➔ "Don’t" is the contraction of "do not" used to give a direct order not to do something; the base verb "put" follows it.