– English Lyrics

Lyrics & Translation

[English]

This kiss thing is definitely a problem.

Mr. Batty wants to see it again on

Monday. Man, I got to figure out what

I'm doing wrong. Oh, okay. Uh, one of

you girls come over here and kiss me.

>> Get it?

>> All right.

>> Hey, come on. I need your help here.

>> All right, I'll do it. I've kissed him

before. I can do it again.

>> See this? Huh? This is a friend.

>> Uh-huh. Let's go. Wait, I have gun.

>> Okay.

Good. Very good. Firm but tender. I'd

recommend you to a friend.

>> Then I don't know what it is. What's the

problem?

>> You know, maybe you're just not used to

kissing men. You know, maybe you just

tensed up a little bit. Maybe that's

what you need to work on.

>> Yeah, that makes sense.

over my dead body.

>> And I'll be using his dead body as a

shield.

>> Everybody, the ball is dropping.

>> The ball is dripping.

[Applause]

>> And the moment of joy is upon us.

>> Looks like that no date pack thing

worked out.

Everybody looks so happy. I hate that.

>> Not everybody's happy.

>> Hey, Bobby.

[Applause]

>> You know, I uh just thought I'd throw

this out here. I'm no math wiz, but I do

believe there are three girls and three

guys right here.

>> Oh, I don't feel like kissing anyone

tonight.

I can't kiss anyone. So, I'm kissing

everyone.

>> No, no, no. You can't kiss Ross. That's

your brother.

>> Oh, yeah.

>> Oh, perfect. Perfect. So, now

everybody's getting a kiss but me. All

right. Somebody kiss me.

>> Somebody kiss me. It's midnight.

Somebody kiss me. It's midnight. It's

one time.

>> Where is everybody?

>> Oh, it's already closed. Chris gave me

the keys to lock up. What is wrong? My

marriage I think my marriage is um it's

kind of over.

>> Oh no. Why?

>> Cuz Carol's a lesbian

>> and and I'm not one.

And apparently it's not a mix and match

situation.

>> Oh my god.

I don't believe it.

Oh, you poor bunny.

>> I'm an idiot.

I mean, I should have seen it. I mean,

Carol and I'd be out and she'd she'd see

some beautiful woman and and she'd be

Ross, you know, look at her. And I'd

think,

God, my wife is cool.

Hey, do you think that Susan person is

her lover?

>> Well, now I do.

>> Sorry.

>> 7 years.

I mean, we've been together seven years.

She's the only woman who's ever loved

me.

It's the only woman I I've ever

Oh,

>> this wouldn't have happened if I'd been

more nurturing or

I paid more attention or I

had a uterus.

>> I can't believe it.

>> I know. No, you know, you don't deserve

this. You don't, Ross. You're You're

really You're so good.

>> Thanks. And you're so sweet and you're

kind

[Applause]

[Music]

>> wait.

[Applause]

Wait, wait, wait. My My foot is stuck in

the pocket.

>> What?

>> Huh?

>> I can't get it out.

>> That's not something a girl wants to

hear.

>> No.

Don't start.

>> Ow.

>> What?

>> Stupid balls are in the way.

[Applause]

Oh, well,

that probably wouldn't have been the

most constructive solution.

>> You have chalk on your face.

>> Oh, Ross, you're right. I don't know why

I always thought this was real grass.

[Applause]

>> Honey, are you okay?

>> My wife's a lesbian.

>> Cool.

>> What took you so long?

>> I got caught up at work, but I'm

quitting tomorrow.

So, thanks for having me over,

>> Ra.

Peeps,

see you.

What the hell was that?

>> Probably some, you know, European

goodbye thing he picked up in London.

That's not European.

>> Huh? It felt French.

>> Hey. Oh, Ra, wait. Do you want to go to

a movie tonight?

>> Oh, you know what? I can't. I have to

have dinner with that Melissa girl.

>> Can I come?

>> I won't even talk. You just hear the

noise from my video camera.

>> What is this? What's going on?

>> Oh, can I tell it? Can I tell it? Well,

do you want to hear what actually

happened or Joey's lewd version? Joey's.

No. Hey, come on. I had this friend from

college and I made the stupid mistake of

telling Joey that one time she and I,

you know, kissed a little bit.

Yeah, I'm sure that happened.

It It did. Sure.

>> Hey, it happened.

Yeah, it was senior year in college. It

was after the Sigmakai luau and Melissa

and I got very drunk and we ended up

kissing

for several minutes.

>> Which means she had a couple spritzers

and a quick peck on the cheek.

>> Why are you taking this away from me?

>> Why is this so hard for you to believe?

>> Okay, I just I didn't know that you were

lesbian.

[Applause]

I'm not saying that I am a lesbian. I'm

just saying that this happened. Okay. It

just seems pretty wild. And you're, you

know, so vanilla.

Vanilla. I'm not vanilla. I've done lots

of crazy things. I mean, I I got I got

drunk and married in Vegas to Ross.

All right. You know what? If you don't

want to believe me about this, why don't

you just come with me to dinner tonight

and she will tell you.

>> Okay. All right. Yeah, cuz I just can't

picture it.

>> No, you should get inside my head.

>> Wow.

I mean, I had no idea that that was it.

>> What the hell was that? Just want to see

what all the fuss was about.

And I've had better.

>> We wanted to kiss at midnight, but

nobody else is going to. So, you know.

All right. I'll take care of it.

>> Joey.

>> 33. 32.

>> 31.

>> Ross. Listen. Who are you kissing at

midnight? Huh? Rachel or Phoebe?

>> What?

>> Well, you got to kiss someone. Can't

kiss your sister.

>> Well, who's going to kiss my sister?

>> Cha.

>> Oh, man.

>> Dude. Dude, who would you rather have

kiss your sister? Me or Chandler?

>> It's a good point.

>> Yeah. Uh, well, since I have that whole

history with Rachel, I guess Phoebe.

Okay, great. All right, peeps. Peeps,

listen. Ross wants to kiss you at

midnight.

>> So obvious. Why doesn't he just ask?

>> Rich. Ra, listen. I'm going to kiss you

at midnight.

>> What?

>> Well, everyone's got to kiss someone.

Can't kiss Ross. You got the history.

>> So

>> So who would you rather have kissing

you? Me or Chandler?

>> Oh, good point.

>> Yeah.

>> 3 2 1 Happy New Year.

Happy new year.

>> Happy new year.

>> Happy new year to you.

>> You, too. Happy New Year, Joey.

>> So, that do anything for you?

>> Oh, I'm sorry. Excuse me. We had this

cart.

>> Yeah, well, I had a 24 in waist. You

lose things. Come on. Get out of my way.

>> I'm sorry. You know, maybe I wasn't

being clear. Uh, this was our car.

>> Hey, hey, hey. There aren't any clothes

in it.

>> Hey, hey, hey, hey. Quit making up

rules.

>> Let's go. Come on. This is my car. You

know, I thought it

>> All right. Listen, Mity. If you want

this part, you're going to have to take

me with it.

>> Did you see that?

>> You were incredible.

>> A brand new woman, ladies and gentlemen.

>> Thank you. Thank you. I could not have

done this without you.

>> Okay. Um uh more clothes in the dryer.

>> All right.

I've been feeling incredibly guilty

about this because I want to be a good

friend. And damn it, I am a good friend.

So just just shut up and close your

eyes.

You are a good friend. Of course, the

audition was this morning and I didn't

get it.

>> But that was a hell of a kiss. Rachel is

a very lucky girl.

>> Finally.

>> Is that Ross?

>> Yeah, you can hear everything through

these stupid walls.

>> Sounds like he's with someone.

>> He could be alone. This morning I heard

him do push-ups and then talk to his

triceps.

>> Wait a minute. I think he's right.

Yeah, I hear someone else in there with

him.

>> Dr. Geller.

>> God, you're amazing. I didn't even have

to ask you to call me that.

>> Oh my god, that's Charlie.

>> She's cheating on Joey with Ross.

>> Oh, that tart floozy giant.

>> I'm not sure about this.

>> Yeah, you're you're right. This is none

of our business.

>> No, I'm not sure that is the best way to

hear everything. Someone get me a glass.

>> No, I'm not going to do this, okay? I'm

not going to eaves drop on my friend.

>> Oh, I love Barbados.

>> I can't believe I'm kissing you. I'm

kissing Rachel.

>> I know. I'm her.

>> Rachel and Joey. It's Rachel and Joey.

What? Get over here.

>> Whoa. Oh my god. I love how thin these

walls are.

>> Thank you.

Oh, you're uh you're going

>> um not without you, lover.

>> So,

this is my bra.

It's very, very nice.

Well, come here.

I'm very happy we're going to have all

the sex.

You should be. I'm very bendy.

>> I'm going to kiss you now.

>> Not if I kiss you first.

[Applause]

Well, I guess there's nothing left for

us to do but but kiss.

>> Here it comes.

>> Our first kiss.

>> Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Fine. Will you

win? I can't have sex with you.

>> And why not?

>> Because I'm in love with Monica.

>> You're what?

>> Love. That's right. I love her. I love

her.

>> I love you, Monica.

>> I love you, too, Chandler.

I just I thought you guys were doing it.

I didn't know you were in love.

>> Dude,

and hats off to Phoebe. Quite a

competitor.

And may I say your breasts are still

short. God,

>> we are switching back right now.

>> No, we're not. We're not leaving. Well,

you're going to have to leave sometime

because you both have jobs and as soon

as you do, we're switching it back.

There's nothing you can do to stop us,

right, Joe?

>> I don't know.

>> What? I don't want to move again. And

>> I don't care. This is our apartment. And

they stole.

>> You stole

our apartment. We won that apartment

fair and square twice and I am getting

it back right now. I'm getting it back

right now.

>> All right.

We figured you might respond this way.

So, we have a backup offer.

>> Oh, no. No. No. No more offers. You

can't offer anything to us.

>> Let us keep the apartment.

And as a thank you,

Rachel and I will kiss for one minute.

Totally worth it.

>> That was one good minute.

>> Good night.

>> Good night.

>> Men are such idiots. No.

>> Could you believe something that stupid

actually got us our apartment there

back?

>> That's so funny to think. If you had

just done that right after the last

contest, no one would have had to move

at all.

Let's pretend that's not true.

>> Yeah.

>> Hey,

>> what are you doing here? I've been

trying to call you.

>> Listen. Um

>> Oh, no. No, no, don't say listen. I know

that. Listen, I've said that. Listen.

>> I'm sorry.

>> I don't get it.

>> What happened? What about everything you

said under the bridge?

Yeah. Um,

you know, you you should just forget

about what I said under the bridge. I

was talking crazy that night. I was so

drunk.

>> You don't drink.

>> That's right. I don't

But I was I was drunk on you.

>> Worse.

>> But okay. Yeah. So, it's not going to

work.

>> Why is it because I'm friends with

Phoebe?

>> If it was, would you stop hanging out

with her?

No, no, I I couldn't do that.

>> Um, then yeah, it's cuz of Phoebe.

>> So, you know, it's either her or me.

>> Then, uh, then I'm sorry.

>> You know,

you're going to be really, really hard

to get over.

>> I know.

I don't know whether it's just cuz we're

breaking up or what, but you have never

looked so beautiful.

>> Really?

[Music]

thieves.

>> Yeah,

>> was hammered. Okay, there's no way that

you look like Ross's mother.

>> Then why would he say it? because he's

crazy. Okay. He came up to me earlier

and thanked me for my very moving

performance in Titanic.

>> My mother's right. Never going to get

married.

>> You know what that is?

>> Who wouldn't want you?

>> Please. I'm a single mom with a

30-year-old son.

>> I'm getting married today.

Morning, Ros.

>> I'm getting married today.

>> Yeah, you are.

>> You think you knew I was here?

>> Well, I've I've never done that with you

before.

>> Nope.

>> So, uh, how are you? How you how you you

okay?

>> Yep. Yep. you.

>> Oh, yes. Yes. Uh-huh.

You

>> We did you.

>> Well,

I better get going.

>> Oh, yeah. Absolutely.

>> Could you not look?

>> I don't want to look.

>> How can you not know which one?

>> I mean, that's unbelievable.

>> I mean, was it Gina?

>> Which one is Gina? The dark big hair

with the airplane earrings.

>> No, no, no. That's not Gina. That's

Dena.

>> You see, you can't tell which is which

either.

>> We didn't fool around with any of them.

[Applause]

>> Veronica. Look, it's got to be Veronica.

The girl in the red skirt. I definitely

stuck my tongue down her throat.

>> That was me.

>> Oh, look. When I've been drinking,

sometimes I tend to get a little overly

friendly and I'm I'm sorry.

>> That's okay.

>> That's all right.

>> That's okay.

I

>> haven't done any of the things I wanted

to do by the time I was 31.

>> Like what?

>> Like, okay. I I I haven't met any

Portuguese people. I I haven't had the

perfect kiss, and I haven't been to

sniper school.

Thieves, wait. Listen. Uh,

close your eyes.

Maybe that's one thing you can cross off

your list.

>> Oh, yeah.

>> Where's Rachel?

>> She and Phoebe took the stripper to the

hospital.

>> Did you know Chandler kissed Rachel?

>> What? When When was this? 1987, the

weekend you guys visited me at school.

>> Oh my god, that's wild.

>> Yeah, but it was like a million years

ago, so it doesn't matter.

>> Well, it matters to me.

>> Why?

>> Because the night you kissed Rachel was

the night I kissed Rachel for the very

first time.

>> You kissed her that night, too?

>> Two guys in one night. Wow. I thought

she became a sled after she got her nose

fixed.

>> Seriously, where did this happen? Okay.

After you told me she was passed out in

our room, I went in there to make sure

she was all right. She was lying on my

bed all buried in people's coats. Well,

I I went to kiss her on the forehead,

you know, but it was so dark I

accidentally got her lips. I I started

to pull away, but then I I felt her

start to kiss me back. It was only for a

second, but it was amazing. And now now

I find out that you kissed her first.

>> Oh, wait. What bed did you say she was

on?

>> Mine. I'm pretty sure I put her on my

bed.

>> No, she was definitely on my bed.

>> Why would I kiss a girl and then put her

on your bed?

>> Well, then who was on my bed?

>> Oh. Oh. Oh,

>> no. No, no,

>> you were under the pile of coats.

>> I was the pile of coats.

>> Oh my god.

You were my midnight mystery kisser.

>> You were my first kiss with Rachel.

>> You were my first kiss ever.

>> What did I marry into?

[Music]

Key Vocabulary

Vocabulary	Meanings
kiss /kɪs/ A1	noun - a brief act of pressing one's lips against another person or object verb - to press one's lips against someone or something as a sign of affection
lesbian /ˈlɛz.bi.ən/ B2	noun - a woman who is romantically or sexually attracted to other women adjective - relating to women who are attracted to other women
midnight /ˈmɪd.naɪt/ B1	noun - the time at which 12 o’clock at night occurs; 12 a.m. adjective - occurring or done at midnight
apartment /əˈpɑːrt.mənt/ B1	noun - a set of rooms for someone to live in on one level of a building
marriage /ˈmær.ɪdʒ/ B2	noun - the legal or formally recognized union of two people as partners in a personal relationship
friend /frɛnd/ A1	noun - a person with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations
problem /ˈprɒb.ləm/ A2	noun - a matter or situation regarded as unwelcome or harmful and needing to be dealt with
drunk /drʌŋk/ B1	adjective - having consumed enough alcohol to impair mental and physical capacities noun - someone who is intoxicated
tender /ˈtɛn.dər/ B2	adjective - showing gentleness, kindness, and affection
tensed /tɛnst/ B2	verb (past participle) - made or become tight, stretched, or nervous
quick /kwɪk/ A1	adjective - moving fast or doing something in a short time
hard /hɑːrd/ A2	adjective - requiring a great deal of effort or endurance
guilty /ˈɡɪl.ti/ B2	adjective - responsible for a fault or wrongdoing
vanilla /vəˈnɪl.ə/ C1	adjective (informal) - lacking in imagination or excitement; plain or conventional
eavesdrop /ˈiːv.z.drɒp/ C1	verb - to listen secretly to a conversation
constructive /kənˈstrʌk.tɪv/ C1	adjective - serving a useful purpose; tending to build up rather than destroy
beautiful /ˈbjuː.tɪ.fəl/ B1	adjective - pleasing the senses or mind aesthetically