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Gather around, glorious turd monsters, 00:01
and feast your eyes on what I hold in 00:03
this hand. The future of movement, a 00:05
hoverboard. 00:08
>> I don't understand those things. Is 00:09
walking really so hard for you? 00:10
>> Oh, Ames, walking's a nightmare. 00:12
>> Yeah, Amy. 00:14
>> Now, friends, 00:15
eat my space dust. 00:17
>> Okay. A little harder to control than I 00:21
thought. Okay, there we go. Woo! I think 00:24
I'm getting the hang of it. NO, I'M NOT. 00:27
I'M ALL RIGHT. 00:33
>> I'M DOING IT. I'M DOING IT. [applause] 00:39
>> YOU GOT THIS. 00:43
>> NO, I do NOT GOT THIS, TERRY. DON'T LET 00:44
GO OF ME. THE FUTURE of movement IS NOW. 00:46
>> HEY, you guys see the dude I brought in 00:50
today? The drug dealer. 81 years old. I 00:52
think it's the oldest collar of my 00:56
entire career. I once arrested a 00:57
96-year-old for flashing. I was 00:59
terrified he'd die in my back seat or 01:01
flash me. My oldest caller was 78, but 01:04
the PCP made her fight like she was 20. 01:07
>> What about two 50-year-old twins? Does 01:09
that count as a 100-year-old? 01:11
>> No good. 01:12
>> No. 01:12
>> You're talking oldest bags? 68. 01:13
>> That's not that old. 01:16
>> Yeah, but I was only 20. 01:17
>> 20? Were you even a cop then? 01:18
>> No, man. It was before I got into the 01:19
academy. 01:21
>> Charles isn't talking about his oldest 01:24
arrest. 01:25
Ew. [screaming] 01:27
>> No. Yes, I am. Yes, I am. Yeah. Oldest 01:28
arrest. 68. LIKE I SAID, 01:30
>> GOD, YOU HAD sex with a 68-year-old when 01:31
you were in your 20s. 01:33
>> You know how it is when you have a 01:34
chance at bed an older woman. You 01:36
>> No, that is not an older woman. That's 01:38
an old woman. That's someone's grandma. 01:40
>> She was actually That's how I met her. 01:42
Was college with her grandson Marvin. 01:44
Don't Don't knock it to your She had a 01:46
replacement hip with some serious 01:48
torque. 01:49
>> It's like having sex with a transformer. 01:50
>> That is no one's fantasy. All right, 01:52
here's where we stand. This nightclub is 01:55
the home base for the Merit Crime 01:57
Syndicate. I've been tracking the club 01:59
owner, Vladimir Droic, aka the dragon, 02:01
aka my first per with a cool nickname. 02:04
>> What about Elbaboso, the dagger? 02:07
>> Yeah, it turns out Rosa was lying about 02:09
that. Elbaboso actually means the slug. 02:10
>> Donto, that means dumb dumb. 02:14
>> It was very cruel. I referred to myself 02:15
as Elaboso to several beautiful Latina 02:17
ladies. 02:19
>> Oh, that's your type, isn't it, Jakey? 02:19
Like Sophia and Okay. Okay. Anyway, the 02:21
dragon is involved in several counts of 02:25
human trafficking as well as I'm sorry, 02:27
what's going on? Who are you? 02:30
>> Trxil with the organized crime unit. I'm 02:32
here for the mayor case materials. 02:33
>> Oh, are you? Well, we'll see what my 02:35
captain has to say about this. 02:37
>> Thank you for taking the materials. 02:39
>> Make sure you also pick up the files 02:41
that are on Peralta's desk. 02:43
>> Wow, that is not how I saw it playing 02:44
out. Sir, I thought you said this was my 02:46
case. 02:48
>> I gave you two weeks. I'm done fending 02:49
off the organized crime unit squad. 02:51
Since Peralta's briefing was cut short, 02:53
you can all use this time to clean up 02:55
your desks. Look at this place. 02:56
Halfeaten food, crumpled tissues, 02:58
pictures of your families. 03:00
>> What's wrong with pictures? 03:01
>> If you love someone, you'll remember 03:02
what they look like. 03:04
>> What is this 03:07
>> rubber band ball? 03:08
>> Keep your bands in a box or a bag. Since 03:09
you all apparently have time to play 03:12
throw, I'm canceling overtime for the 03:13
month effective immediately. Get to work 03:15
and deball these bands 03:18
>> for you 03:20
and you and you. 03:22
>> What are these? 03:26
>> These, madam, are STDs. 03:26
>> What are you talking about, buddy? 03:31
>> STDs. Save the dates for Vivian and my 03:32
wedding. 03:35
>> Ah, yes. Hey, just out of curiosity, how 03:36
many people have you given STDs to? 03:39
>> Lots. Like a hundred. 03:40
What's going on? 03:44
>> Uh oh. Okay, I get it. STD has another 03:45
meaning. You're gross. No one else is 03:48
going to think that. 03:51
>> Everyone is going to think that. But 03:52
it's sweet that your mind didn't go 03:54
there. 03:55
>> Thank you. It is kind of sweet. 03:55
>> Will your first dance be to you give me 03:57
fever? 03:59
>> Will you be serving crabs at the 03:59
reception? 04:00
>> Do you have herpes? 04:01
>> Guys, this is my wedding. This is 04:02
important to me. No more jokes. 04:04
>> You're right. And we're sorry. 04:06
>> Yes, 04:08
>> we love you, buddy. Warts and all. 04:08
Sorry, I made a rash decision. I was 04:10
itching to say it. Okay, I'm done. 04:12
[laughter] 04:14
I have an STD. 04:15
>> So, just RSVP or 04:19
>> Yeah, the number's right on the streets. 04:20
>> Great. Okie do. The car's picking me and 04:22
Amy up in 2 minutes. You sure you're 04:24
cool keeping tabs on my cases while I'm 04:26
on the cruise? 04:27
>> You bet. I hope you have a great time. 04:28
Hey, don't make any new best friends. 04:30
[laughter] 04:33
>> Maybe you shouldn't go. 04:35
>> Are you kidding? I am psyched to go on 04:36
this weekl long cruise just sitting 04:38
around doing nothing. Straight up living 04:39
that slug life, y'all. Cruise 04:41
itineraries hot off a laminator. Who's 04:42
ready for some non-stop totally 04:44
scheduled fun? 04:46
>> Oh, I actually thought we could just sit 04:47
by the pool, eat unlimited shrimp, and 04:50
see what it does to our bodies. 04:51
>> That's cute. I don't know if there's 04:53
going to be time, though. The cruise 04:55
offers 77 activities, and I signed us up 04:56
for 76 of them. Speed dating for widows 04:58
seemed like a bummer. 05:01
>> Okay, so slightly different perspectives 05:02
going into this cruise. Call it the slug 05:04
life talking, but I think it's going to 05:06
work itself out. Goodbye co-workers, or 05:07
as they like to say it, se 05:09
Jake, will you join me in Terry's 05:13
office? 05:15
>> Oh, private rendevous, huh? This whole 05:15
trying to make a baby thing has got you 05:18
super freaky. Terry, what's up, dude? 05:19
>> What did you think was happening? 05:22
>> He clearly thought you were going to 05:23
have secret sex in here. 05:24
>> What? Inappropes much? I did not think 05:26
that. Amy did. She texted me about it. 05:28
See, proof. Anyway, what's up, 05:30
Lieutenant? 05:32
>> Santiago and I are going to an 05:32
administration workshop for the NYPD. 05:34
>> And it's voluntary, so only the cool 05:36
kids are going to be there. 05:38
>> Love you so much. Continue. Anyways, 05:39
you're in charge for the day. 05:41
>> Oh boy, here comes the lecture. Be 05:42
responsible, Jake. Don't do anything 05:44
crazy or fun. 05:45
>> There's no lecture. I trust you. 05:46
>> Oh, but there always used to be a 05:48
lecture. 05:49
>> Yeah, well, you're not the same 05:49
immature, rebellious kid you used to be. 05:51
Didn't you and Amy just buy a 05:53
familyfriendly midsize sedan 05:55
>> in a rebellious color, champagne, which 05:56
is an alcohol. And let's not forget, I 05:58
wanted to have sex in your office just 06:00
now. 06:01
>> Yeah. To have a baby and become a 06:01
father. 06:03
>> He turned it around on me. 06:03
>> It's not bad that I trust you more now. 06:04
Plus, there's not even that much for you 06:06
guys to do today. I mean, the squad is 06:08
on reserve parade duty. Your job is to 06:10
sit around. 06:12
>> Good point. Besides, what's the worst 06:13
thing a responsible guy like me COULD 06:14
DO. 06:16
>> BUCKLE YOUR BUTTS, EVERYONE. THE JIMMY 06:16
JAB GAMES ARE BACK. 06:18
>> CAREFUL. You only get one shot at this 06:21
crawl. 06:23
>> Don't worry. I know what I'm doing. I 06:24
saw the first 15 minutes of the Hurt 06:26
Locker. 06:27
>> Hurry. The stench is too much. We got to 06:28
get those shoes out of here. How much 06:30
time do we have? 06:32
>> Skully ate his Popey 30 minutes ago, so 06:33
we probably got 10 minutes left on this 06:35
nap. 12 if he's turkey tired. 06:36
All right, come up. 06:39
It's trapped. Abort mission. I have an 06:42
idea. 06:44
[sighs] 06:57
Let's send these shoes to hell. 06:59
>> Oh, wait. Yeah, it just smells worse 07:04
than before. Oh, 07:06
>> abort. We've busted murderers. We've 07:08
taken down cartels. But today, we face 07:11
the worst New York has to offer. The 07:13
fire department. 07:16
Fire marshal. Boom. We meet again. 07:19
>> Detective Peralta. Your flies down. I 07:21
made you look. 07:23
>> I didn't look. And I'm wearing shorts. 07:24
There is no fly. 07:26
>> That's not what your mom said. 07:26
>> You make no sense. 07:28
>> And now I'm inside your head. 07:29
>> Prepare to die. 07:30
>> 52. 07:33
AND you dream. 07:37
[cheering] 07:51
[screaming] 07:52
>> You don't have to dance every time. 07:54
>> True, but I choose to dance every time. 07:56
>> You have one play. You give the ball to 08:03
Jeff and he runs it in. I I'd like to 08:04
see you score one. 08:07
>> Good. Cuz you're about to see it. You're 08:08
about to see it straight to hell. 08:10
>> Now, Terry, 08:16
>> I did it. I did it alone. 08:22
>> I'm the KING OF THE WORLD. 08:25
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, welcome to the 08:28
most anticipated event in this 08:30
precinct's history, the auction for 08:32
>> the suitcase of mystery. 08:37
>> Exactly, Jacob. This puppy's been in the 08:39
lost and found since 1976. 08:41
No one alive today knows its contents. 08:45
I'm happy to say Captain Holt has 08:48
finally given me permission to auction 08:49
it off. 08:51
>> I'll let you give me a spray tan. Any 08:52
shade you want, 08:53
>> Jake? Willing to sacrifice his dignity. 08:54
Who can top it? 08:56
>> Massage. I'll give you a massage. 08:57
>> Charles going in the wrong direction and 08:59
getting himself disqualified. 09:01
Interesting approach. Orange Jake going 09:02
once. Going twice. 09:05
>> I'll show you a picture of me in high 09:07
school. There is side pony. Ooh, Rosa 09:08
coming in hot. Rosa coming in hot. 09:10
>> I'll also give you full control of my 09:12
hair and wardrobe. I'll go on a date 09:13
with you. 09:15
>> Sold to Jake, not to Skullie. That 09:16
really freaked me out and I just want 09:18
this to end now. 09:19
So, there's this suitcase. I don't care. 09:30
Yeah. 09:32
>> Hey, Gina, we got an anonymous gift 09:34
basket. Yeah. It's full of treats. It's 09:36
got meats, cheeses, candies, all the 09:38
food groups. The cheese is amazing. It 09:39
melts in my mouth and in my hands. 09:41
>> H French chocolates, French cheeses, 09:44
tiny French pickles. Did none of you 09:47
detectives think this might be a gift 09:49
for Captain Halt from someone in France? 09:50
Like his husband Pomp, 09:54
>> what? [laughter] 09:56
No way. This is a nice present from an 09:58
unknown appreciative citizen that wanted 10:01
us to munch. 10:03
>> What's this then? Dear Captain Raymond 10:04
Holt, thinking of you best, Dr. Kevin 10:07
Cosner, PhD. He even used their pet 10:10
names. 10:13
>> Oh no, I ate the chocolate covered 10:14
strawberry. That's the most intimate 10:16
snack of them all. Hold's going to be 10:18
back from his meeting in 30 minutes. 10:19
What do we do? 10:20
>> Eat the note 10:21
>> now. 10:22
>> No, it's okay. We can fix this. 10:23
>> Check it out, sir. A lovely gift basket 10:28
that Kevin sent you all the way from 10:31
Paris. 10:33
>> Straight from Paris. 10:34
stapler, 10:41
scissors, 10:42
rubber bands. 10:46
>> That man really knows me. [laughter] 10:50
>> Pigeon's still here. 10:56
>> Yeah, no matter what we do, he just 10:57
won't leave. The problem is you're 10:58
thinking like detectives. 11:00
>> No, I'm definitely not. 11:01
>> When you should be thinking like a bird. 11:02
This is operation saving private pigeon. 11:05
On my mark, I will turn on this fan, 11:08
gently startling our bird due east into 11:10
the filebox canyon where he will 11:12
encounter Charles holding two pot lids. 11:14
He'll bang them together, forcing 11:16
Private Pigeon into the ceiling there 11:18
and out of the ceiling there, where he 11:20
will be greeted by scary Rosa holding a 11:21
scary picture of an owl. Now he's 11:24
playing our game. He'll veer left into 11:25
an upside down garbage can propped up by 11:27
a hockey stick and connected to a string 11:29
that Gina is holding. She pulls it. He's 11:31
trapped and Terry releases him outside. 11:33
>> Terry hates birds. 11:35
>> Okay, little friend. Let's get you home 11:36
to mama. 11:38
>> Oh god, IT FLEW RIGHT INTO THE FAN. IT'S 11:42
EVERYWHERE. THERE'S PIGEON EVERYWHERE. 11:44
[screaming] 11:46
May I present to you the Suicide Squad? 11:47
Hang on there, genius. You want us your 11:50
enemies to help you bring down 11:51
Commissioner Kelly? 11:53
>> You guys consider me your enemy? You're 11:54
some of my best friends. We haven't 11:55
talked to you in like 3 years, CJ. 11:56
>> Wait. Yeah, I'm thinking of different 11:58
guys. 12:00
>> Oh, Raymond. That you came to me to ask 12:00
for help shows how much you've matured. 12:02
You know what else shows how much you've 12:03
matured? Your withered face. 12:04
>> Now I know why you refer to this as a 12:06
suicide squad, Peralta. Because I 12:08
already want to kill myself. 12:09
>> Why don't you wait a week? You probably 12:11
die of old age. 12:12
>> The only way I'm going to die is if you 12:13
touch me with one of your bony fingers 12:15
and drag me across the river sticks, you 12:16
reaper. 12:19
>> Ah, wonderful. Very creative. Look, John 12:20
Kelly has to be stopped. He's spying on 12:22
civilians. It's unconstitutional and 12:24
it's wrong. 12:26
>> Please. Do you think any one of these 12:26
jackals cares about what's right or 12:28
wrong? I'll help. 12:30
>> See, sir, there is good in every person, 12:31
but I want it to be known for selfish 12:32
reasons. 12:34
>> Why would you want that to be known? 12:34
>> Well, cuz I never met CJ before, and I 12:35
want him to think that I'm cool. 12:37
>> It's working. I mean, I love how you're 12:38
taking over the room. [laughter] 12:39
>> Yeah, that's awesome. 12:41
>> You know, I actually wouldn't mind 12:42
getting rid of John Kelly either. That 12:43
guy makes up so many dumb rules. He told 12:44
me I couldn't eat raw chicken. And you 12:46
think a new commissioner will 12:47
>> Yeah, he's already on board. So, yes, a 12:48
new commissioner would let you eat raw 12:50
chicken for whatever reason. 12:51
>> It's healthier. 12:52
>> It sure is. Siege. 12:53
>> And what do you hope to get out of this, 12:54
Madlin? Let me guess. Revenge on Dorothy 12:55
for killing your sister. 12:57
>> I want the same as you, Raymond. I think 12:58
what John Kelly is doing is terrible. 12:59
>> Yes. Well said, one. So, we're all on 13:01
board. This is exciting. Let's bring it 13:04
in. Huh? Suicide Squad on three. Ready? 13:06
One, two. 13:09
>> I don't touch other dudes hands. 13:10
>> Whose hand is sticky? 13:11
>> Oh, that might be me. I ate a popsicle 13:12
earlier. 13:13
>> It's probably Meline. Cockroaches 13:13
release a mucousl like secretion. 13:15
>> You would know about roaches. You roach. 13:17
>> AND THREE, SUICIDE SQUAD. Thanks 13:19
everybody for coming out to Hitchcock's 13:21
divorce party. 13:23
>> Why is the cake two men getting married? 13:24
>> That's me and Hitchcock. The boys are 13:25
back together. 13:26
>> This cake is for a gay wedding. The 13:27
inside is a rainbow. 13:29
>> Nuh-uh. It's my favorite flavor. All the 13:29
flavors. 13:32
>> I can't believe Bethy's gone. It was so 13:32
out of the blue. 13:34
>> Well, not entirely. I mean, she did have 13:35
an affair with her hairdresser and you 13:37
filmed it and threatened to release the 13:39
tape and then she said she didn't care 13:40
and put it on the internet herself. And 13:41
then when it started to make money, you 13:43
sued her for half the profits 13:44
>> and then boom, out of the blue, divorce 13:45
papers. 13:47
>> Ah, buddy, you'll be okay. 13:48
>> It doesn't feel like it. My heart is 13:49
ruined forever. I'm done with love. I'll 13:51
never find anyone who's Oh my god. Get a 13:54
load of the can on her. 13:57
>> You see a dorks? I'm going to get some. 13:58
Well, Hitchcock still sucks. 14:00
>> Happy turkey day. 14:04
>> Yes. Right out of the gate. 14:05
>> What? What's going on? 14:07
>> We're playing boil bingo Thanksgiving 14:08
edition. 14:09
>> Everyone filled out their cards with 14:10
possible Charles related scenarios. 14:11
First bingo gets 100 bucks. 14:13
>> I had boil calls at turkey day in the 14:15
center square. 14:17
Boil explains that they ate lobsters at 14:19
the first Thanksgiving. They did. Back 14:21
in that time, they called lobsters ocean 14:23
bugs. And I'll just mark it off for you. 14:24
>> I think I got the winning card here. 14:26
Boille tells us that he played 14:27
Pocahontas in his third grade play. 14:28
>> All the girls were too big. 14:30
>> This is a fun one. Boille says gobble 14:32
gobble gobble. 14:34
>> Well, now that I know you want me to say 14:35
that, I'll just say it with two gobbles. 14:36
>> Gobble gobble 14:38
>> gobble. God, it just it just sounds 14:41
right that way. I don't like this game. 14:42
>> Boil objects to boil bingo. 14:45
>> Come on, guys. 14:47
>> Boil says, "Come on, guys. That's two 14:48
for Terry." 14:50
>> Well, guess what? I can spoil your 14:50
little game by sitting over here quietly 14:52
all day and doing nothing. 14:54
>> Anybody have Boil falls on the floor? 14:58
>> No one. That's a victory. That's a 15:00
victory for Boil. Boom. 15:02
>> Boil. 15:04
>> He's here. Boil's here. 15:06
>> This is so fun. I wish you guys got shot 15:08
more often. 15:10
>> Back in the 99. 15:13
[cheering] 15:17
>> Welcome back, detective. 15:17
>> Wow. Is this all for me? Of course it 15:18
is. What are you wearing there, buddy? 15:21
>> Oh, none of my pants fit over my butt 15:22
cast. Lucky for me, my mom lent me her 15:24
leg warmers. 15:26
>> That is lucky. 15:27
>> Pretty sweet scooter. 15:28
>> Oh, yeah. I know. Check out these 15:30
donuts. 15:31
>> Oh, that went terribly. Can I help you 15:34
with something? 15:36
>> Nope. Nope. Everything's under control. 15:37
I picked up a couple reacher grabbers. 15:39
>> Yep. 15:41
>> So, I'm able to do everything that I 15:41
used to do. So now, if you'll excuse me, 15:43
I'm going to go make myself a morning 15:46
cup of coffee like I do every day. 15:47
>> Okay, let's get problem. 15:52
>> All right, 15:55
>> the heart is the hardest part. 15:56
>> Let me get that for you, Bo. 15:59
>> No need. No need at all. That's sweet, 16:00
Rosa. Here we go. 16:01
>> Hey, uh, hey, Charles, just take my 16:03
coffee. It's fresh. 16:05
>> Okay, I guess. I mean, if you don't 16:06
mind. 16:08
>> All right, you got it. 16:09
>> All righty. 16:11
>> No problem. Why wouldn't you just USE 16:12
YOUR OTHER HAND? 16:13
>> HOT COFFEE IN MY CAST. [laughter] 16:15
>> Cold milk. Cold milk. 16:21
>> Oh, it's coming out the bottle. 16:24
>> It is coming out the bottom. 16:25
>> Just eating butter like a popsicle, huh, 16:30
boy? 16:32
>> Yeah, I know. I'm spoiling myself, but 16:32
I'm depressed. Or have you forgotten 16:34
that Jake, my best friend, is in prison? 16:36
>> Wait, [music] Jake's in prison? Yeah, he 16:38
and Rosa were framed for a bunch of bank 16:40
robberies by Lieutenant Hawkins. 16:42
>> Oh, right. And where's Gina? 16:43
>> On maternity leave. We were all at her 16:46
baby shower last week. 16:48
>> Okay. And why am I bleeding? 16:49
>> I don't know, Hitchcock. 16:51
>> Oh, so you don't have all the answers. 16:52
I'm bleeding because my piece of crap 16:54
son-in-law bit me. 16:56
>> Look, we all miss Jake and Rosa, which 16:57
is why we have to keep working the case. 16:59
There has to be some way to exonerate 17:00
him. 17:02
>> I've been looking, but I can't find 17:02
anything and I don't know what to do. 17:04
>> I can't find anything and I don't know 17:05
what to do. title of your sex tape. 17:07
>> What is happening right now? 17:09
>> They caught Hawkins trying to flee the 17:11
country. She confessed to everything and 17:13
they let me out. 17:14
>> Oh my god, Jake. Is it really you? Are 17:15
you really here? 17:17
>> You know it, baby. But first, I got to 17:18
hug my best friend. 17:21
>> What? 17:22
>> Welcome back, Peralta. I just heard from 17:23
the mayor to apologize for what happened 17:25
to you. They're sending you to Disney 17:27
World. You and one male guest. [music] 17:28
>> As long as I don't have to go on any of 17:31
the scary rides, I just go for the 17:32
shows. 17:34
>> Boil. Boil, [screaming] BOIL, BOIL, 17:36
BOIL, BOIL, 17:39
>> BOIL. Were you dreaming ABOUT JAKE 17:40
AGAIN? 17:43
>> WHY DID YOU WAKE ME UP? I TOLD YOU NEVER 17:43
TO WAKE ME UP. 17:45
>> OH, hello guys. Guys, guys, check it 17:52
out. Hitchcock fell asleep in the break 17:56
room, so I put his hand in a bowl of 17:57
warm water. 17:59
>> Come on, man. That's the stupidest prank 17:59
ever. 18:01
>> Uh, no. It's the smartest because it 18:01
involves biology. I bet it worked 18:03
already. Let's go, Jack. 18:05
HITCHCOCK, NO. 18:08
>> HE'S DROWNING. HE'S DROWNING. 18:09
>> SAVE HIM, [screaming] MAN. [groaning] 18:10
>> Take it back, Jake. Great prank. 18:15
>> Listen up, everyone. While Captain 18:18
Holt's out of town at his conference, 18:20
I'm in charge. [music] Which means, 18:21
Jake, I order you to throw out that 18:23
gingerbread house. It's from Christmas. 18:24
>> Fine, but you're going to be leaving a 18:26
lot of ants with no home. 18:28
>> CHECK IT OUT, LOSERS. GUESS WHO got 18:29
their dealer? 18:31
>> Nice. How'd it go down? We chased him 18:33
through a subway tunnel, back up through 18:35
a storm drain. Adrian and I got engaged, 18:36
and then we busted him with half a kilo 18:38
of coke in his sock. 18:39
>> Wait, wait, wait. 18:42
>> What did you just say? 18:43
>> It was in his sock. These dummies, they 18:44
never [clears throat] think we're going 18:47
to check their socks. 18:47
>> No, before that, weirdo. The getting 18:48
engaged part. 18:51
>> Oh, yeah. We got engaged. 18:51
>> Engaged. Engaged. 18:53
>> Yeah. 18:54
>> As in to be wet. 18:54
>> Yeah. 18:55
>> Seriously? 18:55
>> Yeah. 18:56
>> Amazing. We want dates. Tell us 18:57
everything. I don't want to toot my own 19:00
horn or anything, but it was super 19:02
romantic. 19:04
>> You follow. I'll cut him off in the 19:09
alley. 19:10
>> Okay. Wait. You want to get married? 19:11
>> Yep. 19:12
>> Everyone, check your email. The greatest 19:14
thing that could ever happen has just 19:16
happened. [music] 19:17
>> The girl who beat you for high school 19:18
valadictorian died? 19:19
>> No. Kevin Cosner requests your presents 19:21
at Raymond's birthday party. 19:23
>> Who's Kevin Cosner? Is he the star of 19:25
Dan's with Wolves? He's Captain Holt's 19:28
husband. Captain Raymond Holt. We're 19:30
invited to the captain's birthday party. 19:32
>> Oh, the captain's party and whatnot. 19:34
>> I can't wait to see the inside of 19:36
Raymond's house. I'm going to learn 19:37
everything there is to know about him. 19:39
>> I bet it's really fancy. Like Beauty and 19:40
the Beast fancy. 19:43
>> No, it's probably just an empty white 19:44
cube with a USB port in it for him to 19:46
plug his finger in when he's on sleep 19:48
mode. 19:49
>> Apparently, my husband Kevin has invited 19:50
you all to my party. There's very little 19:52
street parking, no gifts, no singing of 19:53
happy birthday. Should be fun. 19:55
Sounds fantastic. 19:58
>> Did you hear that? His husband invited 20:00
us, not him. He so doesn't want us 20:03
there. 20:05
>> Yes, he does. 20:05
>> It was kind of a lastm minute invite. 20:06
Just stirring the pot. 20:10
>> Why wouldn't Hol want us there? 20:11
>> Because he thinks we're going to 20:12
embarrass him in front of his husband, 20:13
which frankly is insulting. 20:15
>> Oh man, all the orange soda spilled out 20:18
of my cereal. [snorts] 20:20
It's happening again. Rosa. Rosa 20:25
Hitchcock fell asleep in the break room. 20:27
I pranked him. I tied his shoelaces 20:29
together. 20:30
>> He's 38 years old, dude. 20:30
>> I know. And yet my pranks still stay so 20:31
fresh. It's incredible. 20:33
>> Got to untie his shoes before he gets 20:34
hurt. 20:36
>> Seriously? 20:37
>> Seriously. 20:38
>> Fine. But what's the worst thing that 20:39
could happen? 20:41
>> HE'S BEING STRANGLED TO DEATH. 20:42
[screaming] 20:44
>> ALL RIGHT, JEFFERS. WHAT'S THIS MEETING 20:45
ALL ABOUT? I've got a full workload 20:46
today. 20:47
>> I didn't call it. I thought you [music] 20:47
did. What? I did no such thing. 20:49
>> So, if neither of you called it, then 20:50
who did? 20:51
Go. 20:55
>> Sheila, that was awesome. Okay, just 21:01
stay here. Wow, I can't believe I 21:03
executed that to perfection. 21:05
>> That was amazing. 21:07
>> Gina, what's this all about? 21:08
>> I wanted to make one final grand 21:10
entrance. 21:11
>> Final? What do you mean? 21:12
>> I've decided to leave the 99, which is 21:13
why 21:15
>> Oh, okay. 21:19
I'm handing in my two weeks notice. 21:24
>> I don't understand. What are you going 21:27
to do? 21:29
>> I'm not sure. But Jake convinced me it 21:30
was time to start a new chapter. It was 21:31
time to spread my wings and fly. I'm an 21:33
angel. I'm an angel. I'm an angel. 21:37
>> This is crazy. I can't imagine a 99 21:40
without you. 21:42
>> Don't worry. I have a parting gift for 21:43
all of you. I printed Time for Gina's 21:44
opinion hoodies for you with your names 21:46
on them. There you go. 21:48
>> Oh, that's fun. And so like time for 21:50
Jake's opinion. 21:52
>> What are you insane? No, it says time 21:52
for Gina's opinion in large text on the 21:54
back and then your names are stitched 21:56
really tiny on the front. I had to guess 21:58
at some of the spellings, 22:01
>> Arie. 22:02
>> But that's not all. Over the next two 22:02
weeks, I will be leaving each of you 22:04
with a signature Gina moment. Something 22:06
so shocking that it will stay with you 22:09
for the rest of your lives. Much like 22:11
this interpretive dance piece entitled 22:13
The Lexit. 22:16
This dance will be performed in four 22:18
movements. Each one expressing one 22:20
aspect of my personality. 22:22
Awesome. Was that the first movement? 22:49
>> What are you crazy? No, that's the 22:50
warm-up. Each movement is 45 minutes. 22:52
>> Oh, damn. 22:54
>> Hit it. 22:56
>> Santiago, your test result from the 22:56
sergeant's exam has arrived. 22:58
>> Oo. Everybody make room. Amy needs 22:59
adequate space to do her signature dork 23:02
dance. 23:03
>> I don't know if there's going to be a 23:04
dork dance. And look how small that 23:05
envelope is. That's not a big good news 23:06
envelope. That's a little bad news 23:08
envelope. 23:10
>> What? That's nuts. Sarge, tell her 23:10
envelope size doesn't matter. 23:12
>> If I'm being honest, I got a much bigger 23:13
envelope. 23:15
>> Oh god. 23:15
>> Unhelpful, Terry. Very unhelpful. 23:16
>> Mine was bigger, too. 23:17
>> Okay, I just won't ever open it. That 23:18
way, I'll never get rejected. 23:20
>> Fine, I'll open it. 23:21
>> No. 23:22
>> Nope. 23:23
>> Do it harder. 23:24
>> I opened it. You passed. 23:25
>> Oh my god. I'm going to be a surgeon. 23:28
>> You're going TO BE A SERGEANT? 23:30
>> YES. 23:31
>> Oh no, it's happening. 23:32
>> Yeah, 23:37
>> that's my future wife. 23:38
So, 23:41
>> tell me when to tell me when to tell me 23:47
when Tell me when 23:50
the hell, 24:06
>> man. They forgot my pico together. 24:08
[music] 24:11
>> I can't believe they're waxing the 24:11
floors and we're all stuck in here. I've 24:13
never seen them do this before. 24:14
>> They do it once a month. We just never 24:16
been on the night shift. 24:17
>> I know. It's like we're being punished. 24:18
We are for going to Florida. 24:21
>> I don't listen to so much stuff you all 24:24
say. 24:26
>> Well, frankly, I pity the lot of you. 24:27
You look out there and see a problem. I 24:29
look out there and see an opportunity. 24:31
I'm going to slide on that slippery 24:33
floor all the way from Holt's office to 24:35
the elevator. You're going to do the 24:37
FBP. 24:39
>> That's right, Rosa. I'm doing the full 24:40
bullpen. 24:43
Here we go. 24:51
We can build this together. [music] 24:55
Standing strong forever. Nothing's going 24:59
to stop us [music] now. And if this 25:03
world runs out of numbers, [music] 25:06
we'll still have each other. Nothing's 25:09
[singing] going to stop us. Nothing 25:12
[music] 25:15
stop us. 25:15
>> The full bullpen. [screaming] 25:30

– English Lyrics

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[English]
Gather around, glorious turd monsters,
and feast your eyes on what I hold in
this hand. The future of movement, a
hoverboard.
>> I don't understand those things. Is
walking really so hard for you?
>> Oh, Ames, walking's a nightmare.
>> Yeah, Amy.
>> Now, friends,
eat my space dust.
>> Okay. A little harder to control than I
thought. Okay, there we go. Woo! I think
I'm getting the hang of it. NO, I'M NOT.
I'M ALL RIGHT.
>> I'M DOING IT. I'M DOING IT. [applause]
>> YOU GOT THIS.
>> NO, I do NOT GOT THIS, TERRY. DON'T LET
GO OF ME. THE FUTURE of movement IS NOW.
>> HEY, you guys see the dude I brought in
today? The drug dealer. 81 years old. I
think it's the oldest collar of my
entire career. I once arrested a
96-year-old for flashing. I was
terrified he'd die in my back seat or
flash me. My oldest caller was 78, but
the PCP made her fight like she was 20.
>> What about two 50-year-old twins? Does
that count as a 100-year-old?
>> No good.
>> No.
>> You're talking oldest bags? 68.
>> That's not that old.
>> Yeah, but I was only 20.
>> 20? Were you even a cop then?
>> No, man. It was before I got into the
academy.
>> Charles isn't talking about his oldest
arrest.
Ew. [screaming]
>> No. Yes, I am. Yes, I am. Yeah. Oldest
arrest. 68. LIKE I SAID,
>> GOD, YOU HAD sex with a 68-year-old when
you were in your 20s.
>> You know how it is when you have a
chance at bed an older woman. You
>> No, that is not an older woman. That's
an old woman. That's someone's grandma.
>> She was actually That's how I met her.
Was college with her grandson Marvin.
Don't Don't knock it to your She had a
replacement hip with some serious
torque.
>> It's like having sex with a transformer.
>> That is no one's fantasy. All right,
here's where we stand. This nightclub is
the home base for the Merit Crime
Syndicate. I've been tracking the club
owner, Vladimir Droic, aka the dragon,
aka my first per with a cool nickname.
>> What about Elbaboso, the dagger?
>> Yeah, it turns out Rosa was lying about
that. Elbaboso actually means the slug.
>> Donto, that means dumb dumb.
>> It was very cruel. I referred to myself
as Elaboso to several beautiful Latina
ladies.
>> Oh, that's your type, isn't it, Jakey?
Like Sophia and Okay. Okay. Anyway, the
dragon is involved in several counts of
human trafficking as well as I'm sorry,
what's going on? Who are you?
>> Trxil with the organized crime unit. I'm
here for the mayor case materials.
>> Oh, are you? Well, we'll see what my
captain has to say about this.
>> Thank you for taking the materials.
>> Make sure you also pick up the files
that are on Peralta's desk.
>> Wow, that is not how I saw it playing
out. Sir, I thought you said this was my
case.
>> I gave you two weeks. I'm done fending
off the organized crime unit squad.
Since Peralta's briefing was cut short,
you can all use this time to clean up
your desks. Look at this place.
Halfeaten food, crumpled tissues,
pictures of your families.
>> What's wrong with pictures?
>> If you love someone, you'll remember
what they look like.
>> What is this
>> rubber band ball?
>> Keep your bands in a box or a bag. Since
you all apparently have time to play
throw, I'm canceling overtime for the
month effective immediately. Get to work
and deball these bands
>> for you
and you and you.
>> What are these?
>> These, madam, are STDs.
>> What are you talking about, buddy?
>> STDs. Save the dates for Vivian and my
wedding.
>> Ah, yes. Hey, just out of curiosity, how
many people have you given STDs to?
>> Lots. Like a hundred.
What's going on?
>> Uh oh. Okay, I get it. STD has another
meaning. You're gross. No one else is
going to think that.
>> Everyone is going to think that. But
it's sweet that your mind didn't go
there.
>> Thank you. It is kind of sweet.
>> Will your first dance be to you give me
fever?
>> Will you be serving crabs at the
reception?
>> Do you have herpes?
>> Guys, this is my wedding. This is
important to me. No more jokes.
>> You're right. And we're sorry.
>> Yes,
>> we love you, buddy. Warts and all.
Sorry, I made a rash decision. I was
itching to say it. Okay, I'm done.
[laughter]
I have an STD.
>> So, just RSVP or
>> Yeah, the number's right on the streets.
>> Great. Okie do. The car's picking me and
Amy up in 2 minutes. You sure you're
cool keeping tabs on my cases while I'm
on the cruise?
>> You bet. I hope you have a great time.
Hey, don't make any new best friends.
[laughter]
>> Maybe you shouldn't go.
>> Are you kidding? I am psyched to go on
this weekl long cruise just sitting
around doing nothing. Straight up living
that slug life, y'all. Cruise
itineraries hot off a laminator. Who's
ready for some non-stop totally
scheduled fun?
>> Oh, I actually thought we could just sit
by the pool, eat unlimited shrimp, and
see what it does to our bodies.
>> That's cute. I don't know if there's
going to be time, though. The cruise
offers 77 activities, and I signed us up
for 76 of them. Speed dating for widows
seemed like a bummer.
>> Okay, so slightly different perspectives
going into this cruise. Call it the slug
life talking, but I think it's going to
work itself out. Goodbye co-workers, or
as they like to say it, se
Jake, will you join me in Terry's
office?
>> Oh, private rendevous, huh? This whole
trying to make a baby thing has got you
super freaky. Terry, what's up, dude?
>> What did you think was happening?
>> He clearly thought you were going to
have secret sex in here.
>> What? Inappropes much? I did not think
that. Amy did. She texted me about it.
See, proof. Anyway, what's up,
Lieutenant?
>> Santiago and I are going to an
administration workshop for the NYPD.
>> And it's voluntary, so only the cool
kids are going to be there.
>> Love you so much. Continue. Anyways,
you're in charge for the day.
>> Oh boy, here comes the lecture. Be
responsible, Jake. Don't do anything
crazy or fun.
>> There's no lecture. I trust you.
>> Oh, but there always used to be a
lecture.
>> Yeah, well, you're not the same
immature, rebellious kid you used to be.
Didn't you and Amy just buy a
familyfriendly midsize sedan
>> in a rebellious color, champagne, which
is an alcohol. And let's not forget, I
wanted to have sex in your office just
now.
>> Yeah. To have a baby and become a
father.
>> He turned it around on me.
>> It's not bad that I trust you more now.
Plus, there's not even that much for you
guys to do today. I mean, the squad is
on reserve parade duty. Your job is to
sit around.
>> Good point. Besides, what's the worst
thing a responsible guy like me COULD
DO.
>> BUCKLE YOUR BUTTS, EVERYONE. THE JIMMY
JAB GAMES ARE BACK.
>> CAREFUL. You only get one shot at this
crawl.
>> Don't worry. I know what I'm doing. I
saw the first 15 minutes of the Hurt
Locker.
>> Hurry. The stench is too much. We got to
get those shoes out of here. How much
time do we have?
>> Skully ate his Popey 30 minutes ago, so
we probably got 10 minutes left on this
nap. 12 if he's turkey tired.
All right, come up.
It's trapped. Abort mission. I have an
idea.
[sighs]
Let's send these shoes to hell.
>> Oh, wait. Yeah, it just smells worse
than before. Oh,
>> abort. We've busted murderers. We've
taken down cartels. But today, we face
the worst New York has to offer. The
fire department.
Fire marshal. Boom. We meet again.
>> Detective Peralta. Your flies down. I
made you look.
>> I didn't look. And I'm wearing shorts.
There is no fly.
>> That's not what your mom said.
>> You make no sense.
>> And now I'm inside your head.
>> Prepare to die.
>> 52.
AND you dream.
[cheering]
[screaming]
>> You don't have to dance every time.
>> True, but I choose to dance every time.
>> You have one play. You give the ball to
Jeff and he runs it in. I I'd like to
see you score one.
>> Good. Cuz you're about to see it. You're
about to see it straight to hell.
>> Now, Terry,
>> I did it. I did it alone.
>> I'm the KING OF THE WORLD.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, welcome to the
most anticipated event in this
precinct's history, the auction for
>> the suitcase of mystery.
>> Exactly, Jacob. This puppy's been in the
lost and found since 1976.
No one alive today knows its contents.
I'm happy to say Captain Holt has
finally given me permission to auction
it off.
>> I'll let you give me a spray tan. Any
shade you want,
>> Jake? Willing to sacrifice his dignity.
Who can top it?
>> Massage. I'll give you a massage.
>> Charles going in the wrong direction and
getting himself disqualified.
Interesting approach. Orange Jake going
once. Going twice.
>> I'll show you a picture of me in high
school. There is side pony. Ooh, Rosa
coming in hot. Rosa coming in hot.
>> I'll also give you full control of my
hair and wardrobe. I'll go on a date
with you.
>> Sold to Jake, not to Skullie. That
really freaked me out and I just want
this to end now.
So, there's this suitcase. I don't care.
Yeah.
>> Hey, Gina, we got an anonymous gift
basket. Yeah. It's full of treats. It's
got meats, cheeses, candies, all the
food groups. The cheese is amazing. It
melts in my mouth and in my hands.
>> H French chocolates, French cheeses,
tiny French pickles. Did none of you
detectives think this might be a gift
for Captain Halt from someone in France?
Like his husband Pomp,
>> what? [laughter]
No way. This is a nice present from an
unknown appreciative citizen that wanted
us to munch.
>> What's this then? Dear Captain Raymond
Holt, thinking of you best, Dr. Kevin
Cosner, PhD. He even used their pet
names.
>> Oh no, I ate the chocolate covered
strawberry. That's the most intimate
snack of them all. Hold's going to be
back from his meeting in 30 minutes.
What do we do?
>> Eat the note
>> now.
>> No, it's okay. We can fix this.
>> Check it out, sir. A lovely gift basket
that Kevin sent you all the way from
Paris.
>> Straight from Paris.
stapler,
scissors,
rubber bands.
>> That man really knows me. [laughter]
>> Pigeon's still here.
>> Yeah, no matter what we do, he just
won't leave. The problem is you're
thinking like detectives.
>> No, I'm definitely not.
>> When you should be thinking like a bird.
This is operation saving private pigeon.
On my mark, I will turn on this fan,
gently startling our bird due east into
the filebox canyon where he will
encounter Charles holding two pot lids.
He'll bang them together, forcing
Private Pigeon into the ceiling there
and out of the ceiling there, where he
will be greeted by scary Rosa holding a
scary picture of an owl. Now he's
playing our game. He'll veer left into
an upside down garbage can propped up by
a hockey stick and connected to a string
that Gina is holding. She pulls it. He's
trapped and Terry releases him outside.
>> Terry hates birds.
>> Okay, little friend. Let's get you home
to mama.
>> Oh god, IT FLEW RIGHT INTO THE FAN. IT'S
EVERYWHERE. THERE'S PIGEON EVERYWHERE.
[screaming]
May I present to you the Suicide Squad?
Hang on there, genius. You want us your
enemies to help you bring down
Commissioner Kelly?
>> You guys consider me your enemy? You're
some of my best friends. We haven't
talked to you in like 3 years, CJ.
>> Wait. Yeah, I'm thinking of different
guys.
>> Oh, Raymond. That you came to me to ask
for help shows how much you've matured.
You know what else shows how much you've
matured? Your withered face.
>> Now I know why you refer to this as a
suicide squad, Peralta. Because I
already want to kill myself.
>> Why don't you wait a week? You probably
die of old age.
>> The only way I'm going to die is if you
touch me with one of your bony fingers
and drag me across the river sticks, you
reaper.
>> Ah, wonderful. Very creative. Look, John
Kelly has to be stopped. He's spying on
civilians. It's unconstitutional and
it's wrong.
>> Please. Do you think any one of these
jackals cares about what's right or
wrong? I'll help.
>> See, sir, there is good in every person,
but I want it to be known for selfish
reasons.
>> Why would you want that to be known?
>> Well, cuz I never met CJ before, and I
want him to think that I'm cool.
>> It's working. I mean, I love how you're
taking over the room. [laughter]
>> Yeah, that's awesome.
>> You know, I actually wouldn't mind
getting rid of John Kelly either. That
guy makes up so many dumb rules. He told
me I couldn't eat raw chicken. And you
think a new commissioner will
>> Yeah, he's already on board. So, yes, a
new commissioner would let you eat raw
chicken for whatever reason.
>> It's healthier.
>> It sure is. Siege.
>> And what do you hope to get out of this,
Madlin? Let me guess. Revenge on Dorothy
for killing your sister.
>> I want the same as you, Raymond. I think
what John Kelly is doing is terrible.
>> Yes. Well said, one. So, we're all on
board. This is exciting. Let's bring it
in. Huh? Suicide Squad on three. Ready?
One, two.
>> I don't touch other dudes hands.
>> Whose hand is sticky?
>> Oh, that might be me. I ate a popsicle
earlier.
>> It's probably Meline. Cockroaches
release a mucousl like secretion.
>> You would know about roaches. You roach.
>> AND THREE, SUICIDE SQUAD. Thanks
everybody for coming out to Hitchcock's
divorce party.
>> Why is the cake two men getting married?
>> That's me and Hitchcock. The boys are
back together.
>> This cake is for a gay wedding. The
inside is a rainbow.
>> Nuh-uh. It's my favorite flavor. All the
flavors.
>> I can't believe Bethy's gone. It was so
out of the blue.
>> Well, not entirely. I mean, she did have
an affair with her hairdresser and you
filmed it and threatened to release the
tape and then she said she didn't care
and put it on the internet herself. And
then when it started to make money, you
sued her for half the profits
>> and then boom, out of the blue, divorce
papers.
>> Ah, buddy, you'll be okay.
>> It doesn't feel like it. My heart is
ruined forever. I'm done with love. I'll
never find anyone who's Oh my god. Get a
load of the can on her.
>> You see a dorks? I'm going to get some.
Well, Hitchcock still sucks.
>> Happy turkey day.
>> Yes. Right out of the gate.
>> What? What's going on?
>> We're playing boil bingo Thanksgiving
edition.
>> Everyone filled out their cards with
possible Charles related scenarios.
First bingo gets 100 bucks.
>> I had boil calls at turkey day in the
center square.
Boil explains that they ate lobsters at
the first Thanksgiving. They did. Back
in that time, they called lobsters ocean
bugs. And I'll just mark it off for you.
>> I think I got the winning card here.
Boille tells us that he played
Pocahontas in his third grade play.
>> All the girls were too big.
>> This is a fun one. Boille says gobble
gobble gobble.
>> Well, now that I know you want me to say
that, I'll just say it with two gobbles.
>> Gobble gobble
>> gobble. God, it just it just sounds
right that way. I don't like this game.
>> Boil objects to boil bingo.
>> Come on, guys.
>> Boil says, "Come on, guys. That's two
for Terry."
>> Well, guess what? I can spoil your
little game by sitting over here quietly
all day and doing nothing.
>> Anybody have Boil falls on the floor?
>> No one. That's a victory. That's a
victory for Boil. Boom.
>> Boil.
>> He's here. Boil's here.
>> This is so fun. I wish you guys got shot
more often.
>> Back in the 99.
[cheering]
>> Welcome back, detective.
>> Wow. Is this all for me? Of course it
is. What are you wearing there, buddy?
>> Oh, none of my pants fit over my butt
cast. Lucky for me, my mom lent me her
leg warmers.
>> That is lucky.
>> Pretty sweet scooter.
>> Oh, yeah. I know. Check out these
donuts.
>> Oh, that went terribly. Can I help you
with something?
>> Nope. Nope. Everything's under control.
I picked up a couple reacher grabbers.
>> Yep.
>> So, I'm able to do everything that I
used to do. So now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm going to go make myself a morning
cup of coffee like I do every day.
>> Okay, let's get problem.
>> All right,
>> the heart is the hardest part.
>> Let me get that for you, Bo.
>> No need. No need at all. That's sweet,
Rosa. Here we go.
>> Hey, uh, hey, Charles, just take my
coffee. It's fresh.
>> Okay, I guess. I mean, if you don't
mind.
>> All right, you got it.
>> All righty.
>> No problem. Why wouldn't you just USE
YOUR OTHER HAND?
>> HOT COFFEE IN MY CAST. [laughter]
>> Cold milk. Cold milk.
>> Oh, it's coming out the bottle.
>> It is coming out the bottom.
>> Just eating butter like a popsicle, huh,
boy?
>> Yeah, I know. I'm spoiling myself, but
I'm depressed. Or have you forgotten
that Jake, my best friend, is in prison?
>> Wait, [music] Jake's in prison? Yeah, he
and Rosa were framed for a bunch of bank
robberies by Lieutenant Hawkins.
>> Oh, right. And where's Gina?
>> On maternity leave. We were all at her
baby shower last week.
>> Okay. And why am I bleeding?
>> I don't know, Hitchcock.
>> Oh, so you don't have all the answers.
I'm bleeding because my piece of crap
son-in-law bit me.
>> Look, we all miss Jake and Rosa, which
is why we have to keep working the case.
There has to be some way to exonerate
him.
>> I've been looking, but I can't find
anything and I don't know what to do.
>> I can't find anything and I don't know
what to do. title of your sex tape.
>> What is happening right now?
>> They caught Hawkins trying to flee the
country. She confessed to everything and
they let me out.
>> Oh my god, Jake. Is it really you? Are
you really here?
>> You know it, baby. But first, I got to
hug my best friend.
>> What?
>> Welcome back, Peralta. I just heard from
the mayor to apologize for what happened
to you. They're sending you to Disney
World. You and one male guest. [music]
>> As long as I don't have to go on any of
the scary rides, I just go for the
shows.
>> Boil. Boil, [screaming] BOIL, BOIL,
BOIL, BOIL,
>> BOIL. Were you dreaming ABOUT JAKE
AGAIN?
>> WHY DID YOU WAKE ME UP? I TOLD YOU NEVER
TO WAKE ME UP.
>> OH, hello guys. Guys, guys, check it
out. Hitchcock fell asleep in the break
room, so I put his hand in a bowl of
warm water.
>> Come on, man. That's the stupidest prank
ever.
>> Uh, no. It's the smartest because it
involves biology. I bet it worked
already. Let's go, Jack.
HITCHCOCK, NO.
>> HE'S DROWNING. HE'S DROWNING.
>> SAVE HIM, [screaming] MAN. [groaning]
>> Take it back, Jake. Great prank.
>> Listen up, everyone. While Captain
Holt's out of town at his conference,
I'm in charge. [music] Which means,
Jake, I order you to throw out that
gingerbread house. It's from Christmas.
>> Fine, but you're going to be leaving a
lot of ants with no home.
>> CHECK IT OUT, LOSERS. GUESS WHO got
their dealer?
>> Nice. How'd it go down? We chased him
through a subway tunnel, back up through
a storm drain. Adrian and I got engaged,
and then we busted him with half a kilo
of coke in his sock.
>> Wait, wait, wait.
>> What did you just say?
>> It was in his sock. These dummies, they
never [clears throat] think we're going
to check their socks.
>> No, before that, weirdo. The getting
engaged part.
>> Oh, yeah. We got engaged.
>> Engaged. Engaged.
>> Yeah.
>> As in to be wet.
>> Yeah.
>> Seriously?
>> Yeah.
>> Amazing. We want dates. Tell us
everything. I don't want to toot my own
horn or anything, but it was super
romantic.
>> You follow. I'll cut him off in the
alley.
>> Okay. Wait. You want to get married?
>> Yep.
>> Everyone, check your email. The greatest
thing that could ever happen has just
happened. [music]
>> The girl who beat you for high school
valadictorian died?
>> No. Kevin Cosner requests your presents
at Raymond's birthday party.
>> Who's Kevin Cosner? Is he the star of
Dan's with Wolves? He's Captain Holt's
husband. Captain Raymond Holt. We're
invited to the captain's birthday party.
>> Oh, the captain's party and whatnot.
>> I can't wait to see the inside of
Raymond's house. I'm going to learn
everything there is to know about him.
>> I bet it's really fancy. Like Beauty and
the Beast fancy.
>> No, it's probably just an empty white
cube with a USB port in it for him to
plug his finger in when he's on sleep
mode.
>> Apparently, my husband Kevin has invited
you all to my party. There's very little
street parking, no gifts, no singing of
happy birthday. Should be fun.
Sounds fantastic.
>> Did you hear that? His husband invited
us, not him. He so doesn't want us
there.
>> Yes, he does.
>> It was kind of a lastm minute invite.
Just stirring the pot.
>> Why wouldn't Hol want us there?
>> Because he thinks we're going to
embarrass him in front of his husband,
which frankly is insulting.
>> Oh man, all the orange soda spilled out
of my cereal. [snorts]
It's happening again. Rosa. Rosa
Hitchcock fell asleep in the break room.
I pranked him. I tied his shoelaces
together.
>> He's 38 years old, dude.
>> I know. And yet my pranks still stay so
fresh. It's incredible.
>> Got to untie his shoes before he gets
hurt.
>> Seriously?
>> Seriously.
>> Fine. But what's the worst thing that
could happen?
>> HE'S BEING STRANGLED TO DEATH.
[screaming]
>> ALL RIGHT, JEFFERS. WHAT'S THIS MEETING
ALL ABOUT? I've got a full workload
today.
>> I didn't call it. I thought you [music]
did. What? I did no such thing.
>> So, if neither of you called it, then
who did?
Go.
>> Sheila, that was awesome. Okay, just
stay here. Wow, I can't believe I
executed that to perfection.
>> That was amazing.
>> Gina, what's this all about?
>> I wanted to make one final grand
entrance.
>> Final? What do you mean?
>> I've decided to leave the 99, which is
why
>> Oh, okay.
I'm handing in my two weeks notice.
>> I don't understand. What are you going
to do?
>> I'm not sure. But Jake convinced me it
was time to start a new chapter. It was
time to spread my wings and fly. I'm an
angel. I'm an angel. I'm an angel.
>> This is crazy. I can't imagine a 99
without you.
>> Don't worry. I have a parting gift for
all of you. I printed Time for Gina's
opinion hoodies for you with your names
on them. There you go.
>> Oh, that's fun. And so like time for
Jake's opinion.
>> What are you insane? No, it says time
for Gina's opinion in large text on the
back and then your names are stitched
really tiny on the front. I had to guess
at some of the spellings,
>> Arie.
>> But that's not all. Over the next two
weeks, I will be leaving each of you
with a signature Gina moment. Something
so shocking that it will stay with you
for the rest of your lives. Much like
this interpretive dance piece entitled
The Lexit.
This dance will be performed in four
movements. Each one expressing one
aspect of my personality.
Awesome. Was that the first movement?
>> What are you crazy? No, that's the
warm-up. Each movement is 45 minutes.
>> Oh, damn.
>> Hit it.
>> Santiago, your test result from the
sergeant's exam has arrived.
>> Oo. Everybody make room. Amy needs
adequate space to do her signature dork
dance.
>> I don't know if there's going to be a
dork dance. And look how small that
envelope is. That's not a big good news
envelope. That's a little bad news
envelope.
>> What? That's nuts. Sarge, tell her
envelope size doesn't matter.
>> If I'm being honest, I got a much bigger
envelope.
>> Oh god.
>> Unhelpful, Terry. Very unhelpful.
>> Mine was bigger, too.
>> Okay, I just won't ever open it. That
way, I'll never get rejected.
>> Fine, I'll open it.
>> No.
>> Nope.
>> Do it harder.
>> I opened it. You passed.
>> Oh my god. I'm going to be a surgeon.
>> You're going TO BE A SERGEANT?
>> YES.
>> Oh no, it's happening.
>> Yeah,
>> that's my future wife.
So,
>> tell me when to tell me when to tell me
when Tell me when
the hell,
>> man. They forgot my pico together.
[music]
>> I can't believe they're waxing the
floors and we're all stuck in here. I've
never seen them do this before.
>> They do it once a month. We just never
been on the night shift.
>> I know. It's like we're being punished.
We are for going to Florida.
>> I don't listen to so much stuff you all
say.
>> Well, frankly, I pity the lot of you.
You look out there and see a problem. I
look out there and see an opportunity.
I'm going to slide on that slippery
floor all the way from Holt's office to
the elevator. You're going to do the
FBP.
>> That's right, Rosa. I'm doing the full
bullpen.
Here we go.
We can build this together. [music]
Standing strong forever. Nothing's going
to stop us [music] now. And if this
world runs out of numbers, [music]
we'll still have each other. Nothing's
[singing] going to stop us. Nothing
[music]
stop us.
>> The full bullpen. [screaming]

Key Vocabulary

Start Practicing
Vocabulary Meanings

gather

/ˈɡæðər/

A2
  • verb
  • - to come together in a group

glorious

/ˈɡlɔːriəs/

B1
  • adjective
  • - having or deserving great praise

turd

/tɜːrd/

B1
  • noun
  • - a piece of solid waste

monsters

/ˈmʌnstərz/

A2
  • noun
  • - frightening or evil creatures

feast

/fiːst/

A2
  • verb
  • - to eat a large meal

eyes

/aɪz/

A1
  • noun
  • - organs for seeing

hold

/hoʊld/

A1
  • verb
  • - to carry or support

future

/ˈfjuːtʃər/

A1
  • noun
  • - time yet to come

movement

/ˈmuːvmənt/

A2
  • noun
  • - the act of moving

hoverboard

/ˈhʌvərˌboʊrd/

B1
  • noun
  • - a self-balancing scooter

walking

/ˈwɔːkɪŋ/

A1
  • verb
  • - to move on foot

nightmare

/ˈnaɪtˌmɛər/

A2
  • noun
  • - a very bad dream

space

/speɪs/

A1
  • noun
  • - the area between objects

dust

/dʌst/

A1
  • noun
  • - fine powder

control

/kənˈtroʊl/

A2
  • verb
  • - to direct or manage

hang

/hæŋ/

A1
  • verb
  • - to suspend from above

future

/ˈfjuːtʃər/

A1
  • noun
  • - time yet to come

now

/naʊ/

A1
  • adverb
  • - at the present time

dude

/duːd/

A2
  • noun
  • - a man

drug

/drʌɡ/

A1
  • noun
  • - a substance used as a medicine or for pleasure

💡 Which new word in “” caught your eye?

📱 Open the app to check meanings, build sentences, and try them out in real convos!

Key Grammar Structures

  • I think it's the "oldest" collar of my entire career.

    ➔ Superlative adjective

    ➔ The word "oldest" is a **superlative adjective** used to compare more than two items, indicating the highest degree.

  • "If you love someone", you'll remember what they look like.

    ➔ First conditional (real conditional)

    ➔ The clause "If you love someone" introduces a **first conditional**, expressing a real possible future situation.

  • I'm "done fending" off the organized crime unit squad.

    ➔ Catenative verb construction: be done + gerund

    ➔ The phrase "done fending" uses the **catenative construction** "be done + gerund", meaning the speaker has finished the action of fending.

  • I think "what John Kelly is doing" is terrible.

    ➔ Noun clause as complement (that‑clause/what‑clause)

    ➔ The segment "what John Kelly is doing" functions as a **noun clause** serving as the subject complement of the verb "think".

  • I "could have done" it alone.

    ➔ Modal verb + perfect infinitive (could have + past participle)

    ➔ The phrase "could have done" combines the **modal verb** "could" with the **perfect infinitive** "have done", expressing a past possibility that did not happen.

  • I don't know "what to do".

    ➔ Indirect question with infinitive (what + to + verb)

    ➔ The structure "what to do" is an **indirect question** formed with the interrogative "what" followed by the **infinitive** "to do".

  • I was terrified "he'd" die in my back seat or flash me.

    ➔ Reported speech with modal verb "would" (he'd = would have)

    ➔ The contraction "he'd" stands for "he would" (or "he would have"), showing **reported speech** where the speaker conveys someone else's future‑in‑the‑past thought.

  • I "will be" a sergeant.

    ➔ Future simple (will + base verb)

    ➔ The auxiliary "will" followed by the base verb "be" forms the **future simple**, expressing a definite future intention.

  • I "have been tracking" the club owner, Vladimir Droic, aka the dragon.

    ➔ Present perfect continuous

    ➔ The construction "have been tracking" combines **present perfect** with the **continuous aspect**, indicating an action that started in the past and is still ongoing.

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