Ah, Nirvana. Hey guys.
00:01
>> Amber, Annie, Bill, Johnny.
00:04
>> No, I don't plan to buy anything here. I
00:07
buy my burger ingredients at food and
00:10
stuff. A discount food outlet
00:12
equidistant from my home and my work. I
00:14
came here for the same reason people go
00:17
to the zoo.
00:19
Sh, look at that thing.
00:23
Nature is amazing.
00:28
>> Would you like to sample our vegan
00:30
bacon? 100% meatless.
00:32
>> Yes, please.
00:34
>> Another, please.
00:40
>> Sir, is there a problem?
00:46
>> I'm just making sure no one ever has to
00:48
eat this.
00:50
>> I I don't think I can give you anymore.
00:52
>> I want one.
00:54
I literally have 10,000 questions. Why
00:59
is Ron wearing headphones? What's when
01:01
and she's club? And what is Annne
01:03
complaining about? You mostly. How you
01:04
never let her vent because you're always
01:06
too busy trying to solve everything for
01:07
her.
01:09
>> She's upset that I'm trying to help her.
01:09
You've fallen into a classic trap,
01:11
Christopher. Trying to fix a woman's
01:13
problems instead of just listening to
01:15
what they are. Why are you yelling? Tom
01:17
put all my records into this rectangle.
01:19
The songs just play one right after the
01:22
other. This is an excellent rectangle.
01:24
>> Just so you know, it's not your typical
01:27
bar. They specialize in molecular
01:30
mixology. It's kind of like an
01:32
experimental new way to consume alcohol.
01:34
>> Son, there's no wrong way to consume
01:37
alcohol.
01:39
>> Here's your Bud Light.
01:43
>> I ordered a beer.
01:44
>> That is a beer. And here's your Nimbus
01:45
martini. May I go ahead and chisel your
01:48
armosphere,
01:50
>> please?
01:51
This is the wrong way to consume
01:56
alcohol.
01:58
>> Whoa, that's a pretty stiff cloud.
01:59
>> Pardon the scotch
02:00
>> right here. Hold out your hands, please.
02:01
>> What's happening?
02:08
>> Oh, this is a sort of play on scotch.
02:09
It's a whiskey infused lotion.
02:11
>> Can I ask if this entire establishment
02:14
is a practical joke of some kind?
02:15
>> If you don't like the scotch, they have
02:17
a vodka that's served in the form of a
02:18
flash of light.
02:20
Straight down the middle. No hook, no
02:27
spin, no fuss. Anything more and this
02:30
becomes figure skating.
02:35
>> Come on, big girl. Let's knock these
02:37
little pins down.
02:39
>> Oh my god. Are you serious,
02:45
>> son? People can see you.
02:47
[Music]
02:51
Boom.
02:59
>> That right there. Tommy strike.
03:01
>> Here you go. Lane eight. No, lane 22.
03:04
The one at the very end.
03:08
[Music]
03:12
>> Son of a
03:16
Hey, perfect game. What's your name? Put
03:31
it up on a wall.
03:34
>> I was never here. And you will never
03:35
speak of this again. I am starving. I
03:38
haven't had lunch since yesterday. So,
03:40
I'm going to head over to Callahans's.
03:42
>> Oh, no, no, no. Don't go there. They
03:44
totally skimp on pickles. Let me go to
03:45
Big Head Joe's for you. They have the
03:47
most insane burritos.
03:49
>> I don't much go for ethnic food. No,
03:51
>> trust me. They have one that's called
03:53
the meat tornado. Literally killed a guy
03:55
last year.
03:57
>> You had me at meat tornado.
03:59
>> Andy, this was delicious.
04:04
>> It's awesome, huh?
04:07
>> It's a whole new meat delivery system.
04:08
Thank you, son.
04:12
>> I finally got you a proper wedding gift.
04:13
Part one of many.
04:16
a train ticket.
04:18
>> You think I want to extend my stay on
04:20
this godforsaken continent?
04:22
>> Yes, you do. If you follow that
04:24
itinerary to the letter, I promise you,
04:26
you will not be disappointed.
04:28
>> Well, I would offer to buy you a drink,
04:31
but where the hell would that even
04:33
happen?
04:34
>> This is London, Ron. There's a pub over
04:35
there. There's a pub over there. There's
04:37
a pub between those two butcher shops.
04:39
>> Let's go to that one. But we'll be
04:40
stopping in those two butcher shops
04:42
first.
04:44
1420
04:47
service.
04:50
>> Where the hell are you sending me? Nope.
04:59
>> And if you're lucky enough to be her
05:03
friend, your life gets better every day.
05:05
She spends every waking moment thinking
05:08
of new ways to make her friends happy.
05:10
There is something wonderful about
05:12
seeing someone who has found her true
05:14
purpose on Earth. For some people, I
05:16
guess that's being an astronaut or a hot
05:18
dog eating champion. For Leslie, her
05:20
true purpose on Earth, her true meaning
05:23
is making people's lives better.
05:25
>> All my life, I have avoided Europe and
05:30
its multitudes of terribleness. But it
05:33
turns out, much to my surprise, there is
05:35
actually one place in Europe that is
05:38
worth seeing.
05:40
These tiny islands off the coast of
05:42
Scotland where God's chosen elixirs are
05:44
distilled, barreled, and prepared for
05:47
consumption.
05:49
This is worth the trip.
05:51
Dear Ron, you have now reached the
05:55
cliffsides overlooking the islands. As
05:58
you sit here and gaze upon the waters,
06:00
please read out loud the poem by the
06:03
great Scotsman Robert Burns. Love,
06:06
Leslie.
06:08
Oh, were my love yan lilock fair with
06:11
purple blossoms to the spring, and I a
06:15
bird to shelter there when wearied on my
06:18
little wing.
06:22
How I would mourn when it was torn by
06:23
autumn wild and winter rude.
06:27
But I would sing on wing, when youthful
06:30
may its bloom renewed.
06:34
[Music]
06:37
I don't know what she thought I'd get
06:42
out of that.
06:44
[Music]
06:45
Erase.
06:48
Erase. Erase. Erase all pictures of Ron.
06:50
>> Erase all pictures of Ron.
06:55
Erase all pictures of Ron.
06:58
>> What the hell is happening? I
07:01
>> think he accidentally opened a Vine.
07:02
>> You just v your first selfie, Ron. And
07:05
I'm finding you viney.
07:07
>> The world is a nightmare.
07:08
>> Erase all pictures of
07:11
wait.
07:14
>> Erase all pictures of Ron.
07:15
>> Erase all pictures of Ron.
07:18
>> Hey, bro. Listen. I was trying to buy
07:20
this handcrafted mahogany wood model of
07:23
a B25 Mitchell Panchidito aircraft.
07:26
>> A for me.
07:29
>> Don't sass me. And I went to this
07:29
website and this ad popped up that said,
07:31
"Hey Ron Swanson, check out this great
07:33
offer."
07:36
>> What's your question?
07:38
>> My question is, "What the hell?"
07:39
>> Like, how do they know who you are?
07:42
>> Yeah.
07:43
>> Okay. Um, there are these things called
07:44
cookies where like if you go to a site
07:47
and buy something, it'll remember you
07:49
and then create ads for other stuff you
07:51
might want to buy.
07:53
>> So, it learns information about me.
07:54
Seems like an invasion of privacy,
07:57
>> dude. If you think that's bad, go to
07:59
Google Earth and type in your address.
08:01
>> Put some alcohol in your mouth to block
08:13
the words from coming out.
08:15
>> Some of our blueberry wine would make it
08:17
right here at the vineyard.
08:18
>> I don't drink alcohol from that portion
08:19
of the color spectrum.
08:21
>> Hey.
08:23
Whoa, that's drunk.
08:24
>> Holy hell, that's a lot of alcohol. We
08:26
will take four bottles, please and thank
08:29
you.
08:31
>> Hey, Ron,
08:33
can I just vent for a sec?
08:35
>> You may vent for as long as it takes me
08:37
to drink this bottle of wine.
08:39
>> Okay, I'm so mad at my parents. I mean,
08:42
they both wanted the house for Columbus
08:45
Day weekend and they fought so much as
08:46
they decided to just sell it despite
08:48
each other, which I mean, think about
08:50
it.
08:52
>> Stop talking. You know, you are a
08:53
wonderful guy and I admire many things
08:55
about you, but you're a terrible person
08:58
to discuss personal problems with.
08:59
>> Thank you, friend.
09:02
That really means a lot to me.
09:04
Speaking of bad reviews, computers are
09:09
mostly pointless, but that Yelp thing
09:12
gave me a great idea on how to criticize
09:14
people in places.
09:17
I am composing strongly worded letters
09:19
about things I disapprove of and I am
09:22
using the internet to get addresses
09:24
where I can send them. So far, I've
09:26
written to a vegetable farm, several
09:28
European ambassadors, a manufacturer of
09:30
male cologne, and a non-fat frozen
09:33
yogurt bar. Dear frozen yogurt, you are
09:36
the celery of desserts. Be ice cream or
09:40
be nothing. Zero stars,
09:43
Ron.
09:47
Ron.
09:49
>> Last name
09:51
>> Dun.
09:53
>> Is that your name or are you telling me
09:54
you're finished talking?
09:56
>> Both.
09:58
>> Done and done.
10:01
>> I like Ron.
10:05
>> Okay. Eagleton Ron, tell me a little
10:07
about yourself.
10:09
>> Well, I love the outdoors, love nature.
10:10
>> Amen. I'm a big believer in
10:13
environmental conservation, recycling
10:15
and composting and the like. I'm a yoga
10:17
nut and I'm a nutnut.
10:20
They make delicious milks, man. I'm a
10:24
vegan, of course. Slowly working towards
10:26
full freaking vegan.
10:28
>> What in God's name is faking vegan?
10:30
>> You only eat vegetables that have been
10:32
thrown out in people's dumpsters.
10:34
>> What is on your foot, sir?
10:36
>> My trusty sandals. Believe a man's feet
10:38
should remain uncaged.
10:40
Same goes for all chickens.
10:43
>> Well, uh, Eagleton Ron, we here in Pawne
10:45
value loyalty above all else. So, would
10:48
you be opposed to signing an official
10:51
loyalty pledge to our new town?
10:54
>> As long as that new town we're open to
10:56
the ideals of communal living where
10:58
everyone pitches in towards a common
11:00
good. In the immortal words of Cat
11:02
Stevens, if you want to be free, be
11:04
free.
11:07
>> I no longer like Ron.
11:09
Ron, you're in blouch.
11:13
>> What? Ron's in blues.
11:16
>> Ron is in blues.
11:18
>> What is blouch?
11:21
>> Bluchch is a weekly lifestyle email
11:22
written by Annabelle Porter. She used to
11:24
be the face of the Eagleton phone book.
11:26
Then she moved to Hollywood to pursue
11:28
her dream of becoming friends with a
11:29
bunch of celebrities. Then she moved
11:31
back to become a lifestyle guru. She's
11:33
legit. She spent four months living in
11:35
Kate Bosworth's pool house. Bronze
11:36
Swanson design share is the must-have
11:38
item of the season along with red
11:41
quinoa, wind therapy, and buying an
11:43
island.
11:46
>> Annabelle says that buying an island is
11:46
the only real way to know that your goji
11:48
berry farm is pesticide free.
11:50
>> I've been trying to get rented swag and
11:52
blues for months. And now that you got
11:53
in, I can get in, too. Congratulations,
11:56
Ron. We did it.
11:58
>> Someone's getting a new leather jacket.
11:58
>> I don't want a leather jacket.
12:00
>> It's for me. This is a great day.
12:02
ins.
12:05
>> Hey Ron, baby, what are the hot on?
12:11
>> Start over and speak differently.
12:14
>> Sorry. Did you call that PR guy? What's
12:17
the latest news?
12:18
>> Apparently Joan Calameo wants me to go
12:19
on Pony today to discuss my chairs with
12:21
this porter woman. I said no.
12:24
>> Ron, you said if there was something you
12:26
could do to help me, you would. Guinea
12:27
blush is my last chance to save my
12:29
store. You have to go and take me so I
12:30
can meet her. Please. Fine. If it's that
12:32
important to your company, I'll do it.
12:35
>> Yes. Now, I know high-end internet only
12:37
lifestyle magazine really isn't your
12:40
scene. So, Donna and I wrote up some
12:42
cocktail banner and some conversation
12:45
snippets for you to practice so you can
12:47
fit in.
12:49
>> Annabelle, could I be more gels of your
12:50
low lightss right now? I mean, om. Talk
12:53
about Bangs envy.
12:57
>> O, you got a long way to go, Swanson.
12:58
Let's go again from the top. I regret
13:01
everything.
13:03
>> We're so sorry, Ron. You guys were
13:04
close.
13:07
>> I've seen Salvatore the first Tuesday of
13:07
the month for the past four decades.
13:09
Same exact thing every time. I paid him
13:13
$8.
13:16
I sat in the same chair. Salvatore put
13:17
the same cape over me. Then he'd always
13:19
ask me about the same thing.
13:22
Nothing.
13:25
It was perfect.
13:28
Can't delay this forever. Excuse me.
13:30
>> The three most important people in a
13:36
man's life are his barber, his butcher,
13:37
and his lover.
13:42
I have lost one of those.
13:45
Here's a tenor. S,
13:49
as you know, I don't believe in tipping.
13:54
So, I will collect my change from your
13:56
wife.
13:57
I had an appointment with Salvatore
14:01
scheduled for Tuesday.
14:03
>> Look how raggedy my hair is. What am I
14:06
supposed to be? Some kind of rock star?
14:08
>> Donna, this is crazy. Typhoon is an
14:12
artist and the human head
14:14
>> is his canvas. Just listen. You're going
14:15
to cut the man's hair. You're going to
14:17
charge him $8. It'll take you 4 minutes.
14:19
So, just shut up and make the man look
14:22
like this.
14:24
>> Fine.
14:25
So, Typhoon,
14:29
what do you like to do for fun?
14:32
>> I'm writing an electronic opera about
14:34
Britney Murphy, and I do the chandelier
14:35
design for my friend's drag puppet show.
14:37
>> No further questions.
14:40
>> All I really want to do is dance. Except
14:41
lately, all the good warehouse raves are
14:43
filled with eurot trash.
14:45
>> Eurot trash? I like that. It is indeed a
14:47
garbage continent.
14:51
>> Yes. Oh my god, I had the worst time in
14:52
Berlin last May. Everyone was on their
14:55
stupid bikes. I was like, ew.
14:57
>> Please talk more about how you hate
15:01
Europe and bicycles.
15:02
>> Who or what is Penny Saver?
15:06
>> It's a free circular with a bunch of
15:09
coupons in it.
15:10
>> This was sent to Ron Swanson at Dian's
15:11
address where I've lived for less than a
15:14
month. How is that possible? This is an
15:16
extreme invasion of privacy. The right
15:20
to privacy is very important to me. My
15:22
family has had a single P.O. box for
15:25
several generations. We only ever
15:27
subscribed to two magazines, Reader's
15:29
Digest and Ebony.
15:31
Ebony was due to a clerical error, but
15:34
it ended up being an interesting year of
15:36
reading. I don't know how this was
15:38
delivered to me, but it cannot happen
15:40
again. How can I stop it?
15:42
>> Donna is great with this sort of thing.
15:45
She got me off the William Sonoma
15:46
mailing list, but then I just signed
15:48
back up again. I'm hooked on their oven
15:49
mitts. I need my mitts on those mitts.
15:51
Let me know the second Donna returns.
15:53
>> According to her Twitter feed, she got
15:55
coffee 5 minutes ago. Wait, now she's
15:56
Ustreaming her walk back. She should be
15:58
here in three, two, one. Hey. Hey.
16:00
# Quest for coffee blowing up my
16:06
timeline. You get my Snapchat about it?
16:09
>> No.
16:11
>> Wait, what?
16:11
>> There it is.
16:13
I found this typewriter next to the
16:21
courtyard dumpster. An old Underwood 5
16:23
with original carriage return.
16:26
Took her home, polished her up, bought a
16:29
brand new ribbon off of electronic
16:33
bay.com.
16:34
>> Okay, somebody's got to do something.
16:37
I'm getting a cluster headache.
16:39
>> Oh, he's leaving.
16:41
>> Let's go.
16:44
>> I'm going to throw it away.
16:44
No, I'm not. It weighs a billion tons.
16:47
>> What is he typing anyway?
16:49
>> If you sons of try to remove
16:51
this typewriter, I'll kill you.
16:53
>> I'm going to type every word I know.
16:57
Rectangle
17:01
America
17:03
megaphone
17:04
Monday
17:06
butthole.
17:08
>> Take in the vibe of the room and remain
17:10
open of mind and of spirit. Now quietly
17:12
sit behind me and let's join breath.
17:16
>> I'll stand. Interesting technique.
17:19
All told, we were in there about 6
17:33
hours. And no, I was not meditating. I
17:36
just stood there quietly breathing.
17:39
There were no thoughts in my head
17:42
whatsoever. My mind was blank. I don't
17:43
know what the hell these other crackpots
17:46
are doing.
17:48
>> Ron, you radiated mindfulness. What were
17:49
you thinking about?
17:52
>> I wasn't thinking at all.
17:53
>> Incredible. It takes a ton of work for
17:55
me to get to that kind of a clear head
17:57
space, no matter how hard I try.
17:59
>> Don't try so hard.
18:01
>> Don't try
18:03
so hard. Ron, I'm going to try your not
18:05
trying method right here, right now.
18:08
>> Chris, wait.
18:10
I know this crap is important to you, so
18:12
I should come clean. I got nothing out
18:14
of that experience at all. So, if you're
18:17
looking for someone who enjoys
18:19
meditation.
18:20
>> Oh, I didn't expect you to enjoy it. My
18:21
one reservation about you as a coworker
18:23
was that you seem inflexible. And merely
18:25
by agreeing to an activity you're not
18:28
interested in, you showed flexibility.
18:30
>> Ron, you've got the job.
18:32
You want to head back?
18:36
>> I do. But first, there's a hot spinning
18:37
cone of meat in that Greek restaurant
18:40
next door. I don't know what it is, but
18:42
I'd like to eat the whole thing.
18:45
>> How's my best buddy? I just bought this
18:47
cranium. It's a board game. Have you
18:50
heard of it? Is literally the most fun I
18:51
have ever had. What do you say after
18:53
work? You, me, whiskey, wheatgrass,
18:55
cranium.
18:57
>> Ron,
18:58
>> Chris, sorry. He's meditating. He asked
18:59
me to tell anyone who comes in that he
19:03
wishes to remain undisturbed so as to
19:05
better clarify his headsp space.
19:07
>> Oh god, I am so sorry. I'll I'll let you
19:09
get at it.
19:11
>> How about this, Ron? Try Snake Juice. If
19:17
you like it, you got to talk it up all
19:20
night. If you don't, I'll shave John
19:22
Rafio's head.
19:25
>> Yeah, I'd like to see that. Hit me.
19:28
Hot riding on this.
19:31
[Music]
19:35
>> Damn, if that isn't delicious.
19:36
>> Hello, my name is Ron Swanson. In
19:40
general, I try never to speak with
19:43
people, but I have been drinking this
19:45
snake juice thing and it's damn good.
19:47
You should buy it.
19:49
>> Okay. Thanks, man.
19:51
>> Son, you should know that my
19:52
recommendation is essentially a
19:54
guarantee. Drink this now.
19:56
pull me back. The mama know trophy class
20:00
[Music]
20:03
Lyrics & Translation
Coming Soon!
We're updating this section. Stay tuned!
Key Vocabulary
Start Practicing
| Vocabulary | Meanings |
|---|---|
|
Nirvana nərˈvɑːnə B2 |
|
|
equidistant ˌɛkwɪˈdɪstənt C1 |
|
|
molecular məˈlɛkjʊlər B2 |
|
|
mixology mɪkˈsɒlədʒi B2 |
|
|
itinerary aɪˈtɪnərɛri B1 |
|
|
distilled dɪˈstɪld B2 |
|
|
elixirs ɪˈlɪksərz B2 |
|
|
mindfulness ˈmaɪndfʊlnəs B2 |
|
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