– English Lyrics

Lyrics & Translation

[English]

[Music]

I'm well aware of the irony of me giving

a talk on hedging today because despite

spending nearly all day every day

researching and reading about gendered

and intentional language, I still

consistently use phrases like I think,

maybe, and sort of in nearly every

conversation I have. And I've always

thought that was just me, my

personality, my communication style,

until one winter day in 2019 when I met

up with two colleagues, Lynn and Emily,

for a brew to talk about software design

decisions.

Because for the first few months of my

PhD, I've been reading about design and

gender and really struggling to fill in

the gaps. But they mentioned this thing

called hedging. And suddenly everything

clicked.

For so long, I'd been reading books,

interviewing authors, writing music, and

playing with words to try and make sense

of them. But this one conversation led

me to realize that perhaps all of my

frustrations and interests were actually

linked.

And picking apart how language is used

and how conversations take place became

my way of making sense of the world I

felt so alien in.

So what actually is hedging?

Hedging is short for hedging your bets

in language, and it includes using

phrases like I think, maybe, and sort

of. And it was first introduced by

linguists in the 70s. What's wild to me

is not many of us have heard of it

since.

But despite this, hedging is something

most of us know that we do. We add

adjust in our emails. We downplay our

expertise. And in my case, we send a

thousand exclamation points with every

message we ever send.

So hedging is something most of us know

that we do. But understanding why we do

it and its impact is key to making it

work for us. Because more modern

research suggests that hedging is

actually a political tool and one that

allows us to enact agency.

But as researchers, it's really hard for

us to figure out why people are using

hedging without interrupting them as

soon as they speak, saying, "Why did you

say that? What did you mean by that?

What were you hoping would happen

there?"

And here's where it gets really

interesting. There's a gender dimension

to all of this, too. Research tells us

that women use hedging far more

frequently than men. And the same was

actually found to be true in TED talks

themselves.

But this disproportionate hedging

directly correlates with how women are

perceived in leadership roles.

This linguistic self-sabotage stems from

really valid concerns.

Women who speak more directly are more

likely to face negative performance

feedback compared to men using identical

language.

And this creates what we call the double

bind.

Assertiveness without mitigation risks

social penalties. And yet excessive

softening undermines our authority and

credibility.

I saw a tweet once which genuinely made

me laugh out loud. Which did get me some

funny looks on the bus and it said, "My

goal is to start being more assertive if

it's okay with you guys." And it just

perfectly captures the double bind.

But hedging isn't actually always a bad

thing. In fact, it can be a really

powerful tool when it's used

intentionally.

One of my favorite examples of this is

something I've coined the button example

because I work in software development.

So imagine you're in a design meeting.

Instead of saying I think the button

should go on the left, try saying as you

know the button should go on the left.

With those two words, you know, you're

hedging your bets, but not in the way

you're used to. You're hedging your bets

that they do in fact know that or that

social order dictates they won't correct

you. It's an entirely different approach

to I think the button should go on the

left.

You know, I have experience in this

area. You know, last time we went out at

11 p.m. we missed the brunch booking.

You know how meal times are a capitalist

scam? Those three projects, you know, I

finished them. Do you see how powerful

that is? You know,

but my favorite technique to unpick the

impact of hedging is a singular word,

why. I call this the power of why. And

I've been using it my whole life without

realizing, ironically, why.

As an autistic person, I have used why

to unpick uncertainty at nearly every

possible juncture of conversation I've

ever had.

But let's take it back to the button

example and see what it looks like in

practice. You're back in your design

meeting and person A says, "I think the

button should go on the left." And

person B disagrees and they say, "The

button should go on the right." Now,

historically, we may have been more

likely to listen to person B because

they said their answer with more

confidence. But not anymore, because

we're going to use that simple but

effective question, why?

Now both parties are given the

opportunity to explain their reasons

which might range from anything from

well I read the user research report

which accounts for 98% of users looking

for the button on the left all the way

through to I don't know

but what this does is it allows us to

figure out people's reasons when they

speak. It allows us to figure out who is

downplaying their expertise and who is

framing their opinion as a fact.

I have a core memory of being in year

six when my need to understand why led

to a notable falling out with my teacher

about whether or not one is considered a

prime number. And that's still a hill

I'm willing to die on if anyone wants to

correct me.

But my persistent questioning why wasn't

me trying to being wasn't me trying to

be difficult or awkward. I was genuinely

trying to reconcile this mathematical

concept with my understanding. I

couldn't accept just a statement of

fact. I needed to know the reasons why.

My questioning was so intense that a

couple of months ago when I bumped into

my year six teacher um he confessed to

me that later that day he had to go and

find out why so that he could tell me

that. Um the neurotypical world often

perceives my direct questioning as

rudeness. But now I know how my brain

works. I do two things and I suggest

everyone does these two.

The first thing is when I start working

with a new team, I let them know how I

need information and tasks. And I I got

this tip from previous TEDex speaker

Ellie Middleton. And she lets people

know that she needs information on a

what, by, when, and why basis. And the

why is really key for me because it

helps me stay motivated.

The sec second point is giving my why,

my reasons stops me from being

misunderstood in so many different areas

of my life.

So you might be sat there thinking,

well, should I just eliminate all

hedging from my language? And my answer

to that is no. As I mentioned before,

the blanket removal of hedging doesn't

necessarily improve outcomes for us. It

just means we're more likely to be

labeled as difficult or awkward.

And while we try and dismantle the

structures which give us those labels,

how do we navigate that as individuals?

This creates what some researchers,

myself included,

call the damned if I do, damned if I

don't predicament. It's the double bind

I mentioned earlier.

So, what's needed instead is intentional

language based on context. the ability

to deploy or withhold hedging based on

the context, our audience, and our

goals.

It's about being more intentional in the

way that we all speak. It's about

turning hedging from an unconscious

habit into a conscious choice.

And it's about reframing hedging not

from a weak, not as a weakness to be

overcome, but as a skill to be refined.

And that allows us to maintain our

authentic voices whilst navigating

spaces with spaces which were not

designed with everybody in mind.

So, with that, I'd like to leave you

with three things. First, when you're

tired of making decisions, instead of

hedging, try clearly articulating your

preference, which in this case would be,

"My preference is to not make a decision

today." I use it all the time, probably

so much so my husband's sick of hearing

it.

Second,

when you find yourself overusing, I

think, try strategically claiming the

knowledge that you have. Save the I

think for when it's going to serve your

purpose. I know or as you know the

research shows.

And three, when somebody boldly declares

something you disagree with. For

example, we don't have a racism problem.

A real example a client shared with me

recently. Ask them why. I'd be

interested to know why you've said that

when all the research says opposite.

Hedging is a tool that simultaneously

reflects humility and uncertainty whilst

also allowing for influence and persuas

persuasion.

Learning how to hedge intentionally is a

journey. It's a little bit like when you

decide the model of car you want to buy

and then you see it everywhere on the

roads. Is that just me? That was

hedging.

Once you know what hedging is, you will

see it everywhere. But learning how to

hedge intentionally is a journey worth

going on because once you master the

because when you master the art of

intentional hedging, you don't just

change how others perceive you, you

change how you perceive yourself.

Thank you

Key Vocabulary

Vocabulary	Meanings
language /ˈlæŋɡwɪdʒ/ A2	noun - system of communication used by a particular country or community verb - to express in words
talk /tɔːk/ A1	verb - to speak in order to give information or express ideas noun - a conversation
think /θɪŋk/ A1	verb - to believe something or have an opinion
speak /spiːk/ A1	verb - to say words in order to communicate
decide /dɪˈsaɪd/ A2	verb - to choose something after thinking about it
design /dɪˈzaɪn/ B1	noun - the art or process of deciding how something will look or work verb - to plan or create something
meeting /ˈmiːtɪŋ/ A2	noun - an occasion when people meet to discuss or do something
button /ˈbʌtn/ A2	noun - a small round object sewn onto a garment used for fastening
why /waɪ/ A1	adverb - for what reason or purpose
research /rɪˈsɜːrtʃ/ B1	noun - careful study to find out more about a subject verb - to study something carefully
gender /ˈdʒɛndər/ B1	noun - the sex of a person or animal
authority /əˈθɔːrəti/ B2	noun - the power or right to give orders, make decisions, and enforce obedience
credibility /ˌkrɛdəˈbɪləti/ B2	noun - the quality of being trusted and believed in
example /ɪɡˈzæmpəl/ A2	noun - something shown to illustrate a rule or principle
question /ˈkwɛstʃən/ A2	noun - a sentence that asks something verb - to ask someone questions about something
influence /ˈɪnfluəns/ B2	noun - the power to affect someone or something verb - to have an effect on someone or something
persuasion /pərˈsweɪʒən/ B2	noun - the act of persuading someone
change /tʃeɪndʒ/ A2	noun - the act or process of becoming different verb - to make something different
learn /lɜːrn/ A1	verb - to gain knowledge or skill
perceive /pərˈsiːv/ B2	verb - to see or understand something, especially something that is not obvious