Hey. Hey.
00:00
>> Sorry I'm late. Did I miss anything?
00:02
>> Oh, Joey stuffing 15 Oreos in his mouth.
00:04
>> 15? Your personal best.
00:09
>> So, where were you?
00:16
>> Oh, on a date? Yeah. I met this girl on
00:18
the train going to a museum upstate.
00:20
>> Oh, yeah. How'd you meet her?
00:22
>> Museum?
00:23
>> No. Answer his.
00:25
>> Okay. It was just me and her at the back
00:28
of the train and I sat near the doors so
00:30
she'd have to pass by me if she wanted
00:33
to like switch cars. She was totally at
00:35
my mercy.
00:37
>> Were you so late because you were
00:38
burying this woman?
00:40
>> Well, I'm getting back now because she
00:42
lives in Pikipsy. She seems really
00:43
great, but she's like 2 and 1/2 hours
00:46
away.
00:48
>> How can she be great if she's from
00:48
Pikipsy?
00:50
>> Okay, that joke would have killed in
00:53
Albany.
00:54
>> Done. I did it. Huh? Who's stupid now?
00:56
Huh?
01:00
>> Hey.
01:02
>> Hey. Wow. It is true what they say.
01:02
Pregnant bellies look like a drum.
01:04
>> Uh-huh. No. It's just I'm so pregnant
01:09
that I my guitar doesn't fit anymore.
01:12
So, I thought till I'm not I'm just
01:15
going to play all my songs on this drum.
01:16
It sounds really cool.
01:18
>> Listen. Listen.
01:20
[Music]
01:24
you.
01:30
[Music]
01:31
>> Oh, thieves. That sounds great.
01:37
>> I know. I know. And I've only been
01:38
playing for like an hour. We have got to
01:40
get you lazy boys out of these chairs.
01:43
>> Hey. Whoa. Hey.
01:46
>> No. You should go outside and be with
01:49
the three-dimensional people.
01:51
>> No. Inside good,
01:54
outside bad.
01:57
>> You guys are so pathetic. Oh. Oh,
02:00
Xanadoo.
02:04
>> She's one of us now.
02:08
>> Hi you guys.
02:12
>> Hey.
02:13
>> Hey.
02:13
>> So, we just want to stop by and uh say
02:15
good night.
02:17
>> Good night.
02:18
>> Look at that. They won't even turn their
02:20
heads.
02:22
>> All right, you guys. taking off my
02:22
shirt.
02:24
[Applause]
02:28
>> Nah, she's lying.
02:31
>> PBS.
02:32
>> What's wrong with PBS?
02:34
>> Oh, what's right with them?
02:35
>> Why don't you like PBS, fees?
02:38
>> Okay, cuz right after my mom killed
02:40
herself, I was just in this really bad
02:42
place, you know, personally.
02:44
So,
02:46
I just thought that it would make me
02:48
feel better if I wrote to Sesame Street
02:49
cuz they were so nice when I was a
02:51
little kid.
02:52
No one ever wrote back.
02:54
>> Well, you know, a lot of those muppets
02:56
don't have thumbs.
02:57
>> All I got was a lousy keychain. And by
03:01
that time, I was living in a box. I
03:03
didn't have keys.
03:06
>> I'm sorry, Feebs. I just, you know, I
03:08
just wanted to do a good deed like like
03:10
you did with the babies.
03:12
>> This isn't a good deed. You just want to
03:13
get on TV. This is totally selfish.
03:15
>> Whoa, whoa, whoa.
03:18
What about you having those babies for
03:20
your brother? Talk about selfish.
03:21
>> What? What are you talking about?
03:25
>> Well, yeah, it was a really nice thing
03:27
and all, but it made you feel really
03:29
good, right?
03:30
>> Yeah. So,
03:31
>> well, it made you feel good, so that
03:32
makes it selfish. Look, there's no
03:34
unselfish good deeds. Sorry.
03:37
>> Yes, there are. There are totally good
03:39
deeds that are selfless.
03:41
>> Well, may I ask for one example?
03:43
>> Yeah, it's you know, there's No, you may
03:45
not.
03:49
That's because all people are selfish.
03:51
>> Are you calling me selfish?
03:54
>> Are you calling you people?
03:56
>> Yeah. Well, sorry to burst that bubble,
04:00
thieves, but selfless good deeds don't
04:02
exist. Okay. And you know the deal on
04:04
Santa Claus, right?
04:07
>> I'm going to find a selfless good deed.
04:09
I'm going to beat you. You evil genius.
04:11
>> Dinner tonight.
04:14
>> Oh, I can't. I' I've got a date with
04:15
that waitress, uh, Katie. Yeah, I I know
04:17
we've only gone out like twice, but I
04:20
don't know. I have a really good feeling
04:22
about her.
04:24
>> Oh, I hear divorce bills.
04:25
>> All right, just give me your wallet and
04:28
there won't be a problem.
04:30
>> What?
04:31
>> I have a gun.
04:32
>> Okay, just just relax, Phoebe. Just stay
04:33
calm.
04:35
>> Oh my god, I can't find my wallet.
04:38
>> All right, lady. Now, give me your
04:42
purse.
04:44
>> No.
04:45
>> What do you mean no? I knew you'd be my
04:46
death. Phoebe Buffet.
04:47
>> LOL, is that you?
04:51
>> Phoebe? Oh my god.
04:53
>> Oh my god.
04:56
>> I'm sorry, Ross. This is my old friend
04:59
LOL from the streets.
05:01
>> LOL. Ross.
05:04
>> Ross. Nice to meet you.
05:05
>> A real pleasure.
05:06
>> It's been so long.
05:09
>> Oh, so long. I can't believe you're
05:12
still doing this.
05:14
>> I know. But I quit smoking.
05:15
>> Good for you.
05:17
>> So, you look like you're doing really
05:18
well. I guess your mugging days are
05:20
behind you.
05:22
>> Oh.
05:22
>> Oh my god.
05:23
>> Baby, you used to mug people.
05:25
>> Excuse me, Ross. Old friends catching
05:28
up.
05:31
>> Yeah, I'm definitely I don't like the
05:32
name Ross.
05:34
>> What a weird way to kick me when I'm
05:38
down.
05:40
>> No, no, no. I just I meant for the baby.
05:42
Oh,
05:45
>> what's wrong with Ross?
05:47
>> Well, it's just, you know, something
05:50
like this would never happen to like the
05:51
Hulk, you know.
05:52
>> Actually, that that's not true. In The
05:56
Incredible Hulk, uh, number 72, Dr.
05:58
Bruce Banner found,
06:00
>> you know, never mind. My girlfriend's a
06:04
lesbian,
06:06
[Applause]
06:09
>> so I decided I'm definitely going to go
06:10
with either Joey or Chandler. Oh, what?
06:12
You got to pick Joey.
06:16
>> I mean, name one famous person named
06:17
Chandler.
06:19
>> Raymond Chandler.
06:20
>> Someone you didn't make up.
06:22
>> There are no famous Joeies except for
06:25
Joey Bafuko.
06:28
>> Yeah, that guy really hurt us.
06:31
>> Well, how about a compromise then? Okay.
06:34
What if it's, you know, Chenoi?
06:36
>> Okay, Joey. Come on, think about it.
06:40
First of all, he'll never be president.
06:42
I mean, there's never going to be a
06:44
president, Joey.
06:45
All right, look, man. I don't want to
06:47
bring this up, but Chandler is the
06:49
stupidest name I ever heard in my life.
06:51
It's not even a name. It's barely even a
06:54
word, okay? It's kind of like
06:56
Chandelier, but it's not.
06:58
All right. It's a stupid stupid noname.
07:01
Wow. You're
07:09
you're right. And I have a horrible
07:11
horrible knee.
07:13
>> I'm sorry, man. I didn't I'm sorry. I'm
07:18
sorry.
07:21
>> So, I guess it's Joey then. I mean,
07:22
I am sorry about what I said.
07:25
>> Nope. Nope. You're right. It is a
07:28
ridiculous name.
07:29
>> It's not that bad.
07:32
>> Yes, it is.
07:33
From now on, I have no first name.
07:35
So, you're just Bing.
07:39
I have no name.
07:44
So, what are we supposed to call you?
07:47
>> Okay. Uh, for now, temporarily, you can
07:49
call me
07:51
Clint.
07:54
>> No way. Are you cool enough to pull off
07:56
Clint?
07:58
>> Okay. So, what name am I cool enough to
08:00
pull off?
08:01
>> Um, Jean.
08:02
>> It's Clint. It's clicked.
08:07
>> See you later, Jean.
08:10
>> Bye, Jean.
08:11
>> It's clicked. Clicked.
08:14
>> What's up with Jean?
08:19
>> Drum roll.
08:24
>> Okay. Okay. All right.
08:27
Help. Am I a Mark or a John?
08:31
You're not tall enough to be a Mark,
08:36
but you might make a good Barney.
08:39
>> All right, look. I am serious, okay?
08:44
Tomorrow at 3:30, I'm going down to the
08:45
courthouse.
08:47
>> You're actually going through with this.
08:48
>> Hey, look. This name has been holding me
08:49
back my entire life, okay? It's probably
08:51
why kids picked on me in school and why
08:53
I never do well with women. So, as of
08:55
4:00 tomorrow, I'm either going to be
08:57
Mark Johnson or John Marson.
08:58
>> You've got problems because of you, not
09:02
your name.
09:04
Sorry, this has got to stop. Chandler is
09:07
a great name. In fact,
09:09
>> yes,
09:14
>> I'm I'm sorry. I know you really wanted
09:15
me to name the baby Joey, but So, I'm
09:17
I'm going to I'm going to name the baby
09:20
Chandler.
09:22
>> Really?
09:26
>> Yeah. But you have to keep the name,
09:27
too.
09:29
>> Okay. Thanks.
09:30
>> Okay.
09:31
>> You want to hug it out?
09:32
>> Yeah.
09:33
Yay.
09:35
>> Yay. Oh, yay. Okay, I got to go tell
09:36
Frank and Alice right now.
09:38
>> Bye, Febs.
09:42
>> Okay, bye.
09:43
>> There a time when the brightest minds in
09:47
the world believed that the Earth was
09:49
flat. And up until like what, 50 years
09:50
ago, you all thought the atom was the
09:53
smallest thing until you split it open
09:56
and this like whole mess of crap came
09:58
out.
10:00
Now, are you telling me that you are so
10:02
unbelievably arrogant that you can't
10:05
admit that there's a teeny tiny
10:08
possibility that you could be wrong
10:10
about this?
10:12
There might be
10:20
a teeny
10:23
tiny
10:26
possibility
10:29
Can't believe you caved.
10:33
>> What?
10:37
>> You just abandoned your whole belief
10:38
system.
10:39
>> I mean, before I I didn't agree with
10:42
you, but at least I respected you.
10:44
>> No, how how how are you going to go into
10:47
work tomorrow?
10:49
>> How How are you going to face the other
10:50
science guys? How How are you going to
10:52
face yourself?
10:54
[Music]
10:59
That was fun. So, who's hungry? What do
11:12
you want to do about this coat?
11:15
>> I'll take it.
11:17
>> That might work.
11:19
>> Oh, yeah.
11:20
Huh? All right. What do you think?
11:26
>> You're on in five, Miss Manelli.
11:29
>> No, no, no. It's It's just a bit sudden.
11:34
No, it's great. Okay, I am totally on
11:36
board.
11:39
>> I love you, too. All right. Bye.
11:40
>> What's the matter, Ross?
11:45
>> Nothing. No. Oh, uh, actually, great
11:47
news. Um, just got off the phone with
11:50
Emily and looks like I'm moving to a new
11:52
apartment.
11:55
Woohoo.
11:56
>> Why?
11:59
>> Well, her thought is, and I agree, fresh
12:00
new furniture. Why not a fresh new
12:04
apartment? Her cousin has this great
12:07
place to sublet. It's got a view of the
12:09
river on one side and Colombia on the
12:10
other.
12:12
>> That's way up town. That's like three
12:13
trains away, which is great.
12:14
>> I love to ride that rail. Isn't it
12:17
Spider-Man?
12:19
You know, like Goldman, Silverman,
12:21
>> because it it's not his last name.
12:24
>> It isn't.
12:27
>> No, it's not like like Phil's
12:28
Spider-Man.
12:31
He's a Spider Man,
12:34
you know, like uh like Goldman is a last
12:39
name, but there's no Goldman.
12:42
>> Oh, okay.
12:45
There should be a gold man.
12:47
[Music]
12:51
Okay, that won't happen.
12:55
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
13:00
You'll get your turn.
13:03
>> Hey, what's going on?
13:05
>> Nothing. This is not over.
13:06
[Music]
13:09
>> Put your 20 bucks down. Okay. First one
13:12
to find the tasty treat wins. Okay.
13:14
>> Mhm.
13:17
>> All right. Let's get the contestants out
13:17
of their isolation booths.
13:19
And they're off.
13:23
>> I can get your foot off my contestant.
13:25
Judge.
13:27
>> Judge rules. No violation.
13:28
>> Hey guys.
13:32
>> Yeah.
13:33
>> Hey.
13:34
>> You know what? It's so weird to say
13:35
this, but I just had a great date with
13:37
Janice.
13:39
>> What?
13:40
>> Are you serious?
13:40
>> Yeah. I opened up to her about all the
13:42
terrible stuff that's been happening to
13:44
me. I mean, I talked for hours. It is
13:46
amazing to have someone give you such
13:49
such focused attention.
13:52
>> You don't need Janice for that. You've
13:54
got us.
13:56
>> Then the duck gets a nutter butter.
13:57
>> No.
13:58
Hey, hey, that's not a nutter butter.
14:00
That's just an old wantton. No.
14:02
>> Judge rules. Nutter butter.
14:03
>> Tough call.
14:07
Hey.
14:10
>> Hey. What are you doing?
14:12
>> Well, I I thought a lot about what you
14:14
said and um I realized maybe I was a
14:16
little judgmental.
14:19
Yeah. Oh, but Oh,
14:21
>> now baby, remember, hey, they're just
14:24
fulfilling their Christmas
14:27
>> destiny. Sure. Yes.
14:28
>> Okay.
14:31
>> Yikes. That one doesn't look very
14:33
fulfilled.
14:35
>> Oh, that's uh that's one of the old
14:36
ones. She's just taking it to the back.
14:38
>> You keep the old ones in the back. That
14:40
is so aegist.
14:43
>> But we have to make room for the fresh
14:46
ones.
14:47
>> So what happens to the old guys?
14:48
>> Well, they go into the chipper.
14:51
>> Well, I have a feeling that's not as
14:54
happy as it sounds.
14:55
[Music]
15:00
[Applause]
15:01
Hey, hey, hey.
15:08
>> What are you working on?
15:10
>> Oh, it's a uh it's a welcome home sign
15:11
for the baby.
15:13
>> How sweet. Oh, is that the baby?
15:14
>> No, I sat in the paint.
15:18
>> Hey, so did you talk to Rachel?
15:22
>> No. And uh I'm not going to.
15:24
>> What?
15:27
>> Why not? Because she's just going to
15:28
shoot me down. You guys saw what
15:29
happened with Gunther. That did not look
15:31
like fun. How can you compare yourself
15:32
to Gunther? I mean, sure, he's sexy in a
15:34
more obvious way. But
15:37
>> you have a relationship with her. You
15:41
slept together last night.
15:43
>> Yeah. And she still wants to go. It's
15:44
pretty clear where she is.
15:47
>> Yeah, I know what you mean. I mean,
15:49
sometimes.
15:50
>> U Joe.
15:51
>> Damn it.
15:52
>> So, how's your date with your cyber
15:54
chick going? Oh, hey. What is all that?
15:55
>> Oh, it's a website. It's the Guggenheim
15:58
Museum. See, uh, she likes art and
16:00
I like funny words.
16:04
>> What does she mean by hh?
16:07
>> It means we're holding hands.
16:10
>> Are you the cutest?
16:14
>> I'm afraid I might just be.
16:16
>> You know what I think is so great? that
16:20
you're totally into this person, yet for
16:22
all you know, she could be like 90 years
16:24
old or have two heads or
16:26
it could be a guy.
16:30
>> Okay, it's not a guy. All right, I know
16:32
her.
16:35
>> It could be like a big giant guy,
16:36
>> man. I got this close to him and Monica
16:41
need me in the back.
16:44
>> What's going on?
16:46
>> We were just wondering if Chandler's
16:48
girlfriend's a girl. Oh, well, just ask
16:49
her how long she's going to live. Women
16:51
live longer than men.
16:53
>> How do you not fall down more?
16:59
>> Feebs, you uh you got a second?
17:02
>> Sure.
17:04
>> Yeah. Ever since you uh told me that
17:05
story about that bike, I couldn't stop
17:08
thinking about it. I mean, everyone
17:11
should have a first bike, you know? So,
17:12
>> oh my god, Wallace.
17:19
>> You like it?
17:22
>> I love it.
17:23
>> Yeah.
17:24
>> Oh. Oh, god. And I love you.
17:25
>> Not that way.
17:29
The bike got you a lot closer.
17:31
>> Oh.
17:33
>> Well, uh, take it downstairs, you know.
17:34
Give it a test drive.
17:36
>> Okay. Oh my god. My first bike.
17:38
Thank you for the best present I've ever
17:43
gotten.
17:46
>> You're welcome.
17:47
>> Oh, and Chandler's about to cry.
17:50
>> Am not.
17:55
>> Okay, now just remember everything I
17:59
taught you and you'll be fine. Okay,
18:01
here we go. Ready,
18:03
set.
18:06
>> Wait, this seat is really uncomfortable.
18:07
Okay, maybe before we start, we should
18:10
just get another one.
18:11
>> Perhaps like an airplane seat or a bean
18:13
bag chair.
18:15
>> Baby, you can't get out of this. Okay,
18:18
you have to learn how to ride a bike.
18:20
>> Why Why do I have to learn?
18:22
>> Well, in in case of an emergency?
18:26
>> What kind of emergency? Well, let what
18:29
if a man comes along and puts a gun to
18:31
your head and says, "You ride this bike
18:34
or I'll I'll shoot you."
18:36
>> Okay, I would ring the bell to distract
18:41
him and then I would knock the gun out
18:43
of his hand with a Chinese throwing
18:45
star.
18:46
>> Okay, Phoebe, just just get get on the
18:48
bike and hey, I'll hold you up and and
18:52
push you. Okay,
18:54
>> you won't let go. Let's go.
18:57
>> You swear.
18:59
>> I swear.
19:00
>> Okay.
19:03
>> Come on.
19:04
>> All right. Here we go.
19:08
>> All right.
19:10
>> All right.
19:10
>> All right. Feel good?
19:10
>> Well,
19:12
>> all right. Try pedaling. That's it.
19:12
You're doing great. You're doing great.
19:14
Yes. Yes. Yes. Take control. Yes.
19:15
[Applause]
19:19
>> Oh. Oh, no.
19:20
>> You score. I I just thought you were
19:25
doing so well. I
19:27
>> shot.
19:29
>> It's a legitimate learning technique.
19:36
Wow.
19:40
>> Oh, hell liar.
19:45
>> Look, I I'm I'm really sorry I let go of
19:50
the bike.
19:53
>> I could have been killed. I hope you
19:53
know.
19:55
>> I know. I know.
19:58
But can we please try it again? Huh? I
20:01
mean, you were so close, Phoebe.
20:04
>> Well, I would love to, but
20:06
the bike got stolen and the police have
20:10
no suspects.
20:12
>> Phoebe,
20:19
>> what?
20:20
What the hell?
20:24
>> All right. You know what? If you are not
20:27
going to learn how to ride this bike,
20:29
then I'm sorry. I'm just going to have
20:30
to take it back.
20:32
>> What? Why?
20:33
>> Because because it's it's
20:34
it would be like you having this guitar
20:38
and and never playing it. Okay. This
20:41
guitar wants to be played and and this
20:44
bike wants to be ridden and and if you
20:48
don't ride it, you you're killing its
20:52
spirit.
20:56
The bike
20:58
is dying.
21:01
>> All right, if you care enough to make up
21:07
that load of crap. Okay,
21:09
>> great. Great.
21:11
You're making the bike very happy.
21:15
>> Okay, Ross.
21:18
>> Please don't die.
21:22
>> I can't believe it. I did it. I rode a
21:30
bike. I never thought I'd be able to do
21:32
that. Thank you, Ross.
21:35
>> Oh, hey, don't thank me. Thank yourself.
21:37
You're the one who faced your fears and
21:39
ultimately overcame them.
21:41
>> Don't be so corny, Ross. It's not an
21:44
after school special.
21:45
>> Mel Claude,
21:55
>> should call blue.
21:57
>> No.
21:59
>> Okay, maybe if we just break it down.
22:01
Okay, let's just let's try it one
22:04
syllable at a time. Okay, so repeat
22:06
after me.
22:08
Jm
22:10
>> pel.
22:12
>> Great. Okay, faster.
22:13
>> J-mel
22:15
poo poo.
22:18
>> It's too hard. I can't teach you.
22:23
>> What are you doing?
22:25
>> I I have to go before I put your head
22:26
through a wall.
22:27
>> No, don't go. I need you. My audition is
22:28
tomorrow.
22:31
memb.
22:35
And that should conclusively prove that
22:40
I had the idea for Jurassic Park first.
22:42
Let's take a look at Phoebe. Oh my god.
22:46
What are you doing here?
22:49
>> I need to talk to you. It's pretty
22:50
urgent. It's about Monica and Chandler.
22:52
>> Oh my god. Um, of course. Uh, would you
22:54
please excuse me for a moment? Um, do
22:57
you know each other's hometowns? Why
23:00
don't you
23:02
>> What's going on?
23:05
>> Well, um, not much, but I was just
23:06
thinking that since those guys just got
23:08
engaged that maybe it'd be nice if they
23:10
had some privacy, you know? So, could I
23:12
just move in with you for a couple days?
23:14
>> Um, okay. Yeah, sure. But what what's
23:18
wrong with Monica and Chandler?
23:22
>> Nothing. Why,
23:24
>> Phoebe? You said it was urgent.
23:28
>> Oh, yeah, it is. I'm going to the movies
23:30
and it starts in like 5 minutes.
23:31
>> Do you realize I have a classroom full
23:36
of students?
23:39
>> Oh, I'm sorry. I'm so rude. Does anyone
23:42
want to come to the movies?
23:44
>> Hey,
23:50
>> look. I know you've been really
23:51
depressed lately, so I've brought
23:52
someone over to cheer you up. Right
23:54
outside this door is a real live furry
23:56
playmate.
23:58
>> Oh, no. I'm not sleeping with your
23:59
friend Jane again.
24:00
>> Hey, a dog. Oh, hi. Who you got to admit
24:06
looks a lot like Jane.
24:11
>> This is the happiest dog in the world. I
24:14
borrowed him from my friend Wendy. So,
24:16
you can keep him till he cheers you up.
24:18
And he will cheer you up.
24:20
>> Thanks so much, Feb. We are going to
24:22
have so much fun. Yes, we are. Not that
24:24
kind of fun. Like we have to do
24:26
something, okay? Something huge.
24:29
We could climb Mount Everest.
24:32
No, no, no. Not something stupid.
24:34
Something huge. No, no, no, no, no. I
24:36
saw an ad for this video. People climb
24:39
that thing every day. We could totally
24:41
do that. Why not? I mean, it's just it's
24:42
just climbing.
24:45
It's just It's just steep.
24:47
We're going to Everest. Okay. It'd be
24:50
nice to leave an aspirin on Everest.
24:52
>> Hey.
24:55
>> Hey. What's up?
24:56
>> We're going to climb Mount Everest.
24:57
>> Yeah, baby.
24:59
>> Really? I looked into that.
24:59
>> Yeah, but I mean it costs like $60,000
25:02
and you know you could die and and you
25:05
would die.
25:09
>> We could get that Everest video though.
25:14
>> Yeah, we could do that without, you
25:16
know, risking our lives at all.
25:18
>> And while we're down at the video store,
25:20
you know what else we could rent? Die
25:22
>> Hard.
25:23
But you know what? But I just remembered
25:25
that Everest thing is only available
25:27
through mail order.
25:29
>> Oh well.
25:31
>> So you guys will stay here and hang out
25:32
with me?
25:33
>> Yeah. Yeah.
25:34
>> But I'll tell you something. One of
25:37
these days we're going to get off our
25:39
butts and rent Die Hard again.
25:41
>> Yeah.
25:43
>> Oh, hey Ross. I'm so glad someone's
25:44
here. Could you zip me up?
25:47
>> Uh, sure.
25:51
>> Thank you. Can you believe no one
25:53
between my apartment and here offered to
25:55
do that for me?
25:57
>> People.
25:59
>> So, uh, why you so dressed up?
26:01
>> Oh, um, Mike's picking me up for a date.
26:04
>> Oh, yeah. Now, how's that going? Is it
26:06
getting serious?
26:09
>> I don't know. I don't know. I mean, you
26:10
know, I like him, but you know, am I
26:12
ready to take my grade A loins off the
26:14
meat market? I'm not quite sure.
26:16
You know, I I really admire your your
26:21
whole dating attitude. It's so healthy.
26:23
I'm always like, "Is this moving too
26:26
fast? Is this moving too slow? Where
26:28
where is this going?"
26:29
>> Yeah, I know. You are a bit of a drama
26:31
queen.
26:32
>> Well, you you're so much better off. You
26:34
know, you just go from guy to guy having
26:36
fun and not worrying that it never turns
26:39
into anything serious.
26:41
>> I would say never.
26:43
You know, there was that guy.
26:46
Okay. Well, what about
26:49
Okay. Well, there's got to be someone.
26:52
>> There isn't. That's what I'm saying.
26:54
>> Oh my god. You're right.
26:58
>> I know. And yet here you are all ready
26:59
for the next date.
27:01
>> I can't believe I never realized this
27:04
before. I'm in my 30s and I've never
27:06
been in a long-term relationship.
27:09
Oh my god. What's wrong with me?
27:12
No, no, no, no.
27:16
Um, there's there's nothing wrong with
27:18
you. I mean, you don't strike me as a
27:20
type of person that wants to get married
27:23
anyway.
27:25
>> I want to get married.
27:26
>> Please, please don't cry because of me.
27:29
Hey, thieves. I don't know what I'm
27:31
talking about. Okay, I've been divorced
27:32
three times.
27:34
>> Well, at least you've been married. Oh
27:36
my god, I want to trade lives with Ross.
27:38
>> Years of modern dance with Twilight
27:42
Tharp.
27:43
Five years with the American Ballet
27:46
Theater.
27:48
>> Hey, everybody lies on their resume.
27:51
Okay. I wasn't one of the Zoom kids
27:53
either.
27:56
>> Well, can you like dance at all?
27:58
>> Yeah, I can dance, you know.
28:00
>> Oh, no. No, no, no.
28:11
What? What is that?
28:15
>> Sure it looks stupid now. There's no
28:17
music playing.
28:18
[Music]
28:21
>> What is it, hun?
28:23
>> Nothing. I I can't find anything that I
28:24
want to eat. Everything makes me
28:26
nauseous. I'm telling you, being
28:27
pregnant is no piece of cake. Ooh. Cake.
28:29
>> No.
28:33
>> Oh, honey. I'm sorry.
28:35
>> God.
28:36
What is that smell? It's coming from the
28:38
bathroom.
28:41
Now, pregnancy does give you some weird
28:42
cravings.
28:44
>> Yeah,
28:46
>> it's me. It's Phoebe. Listen, there's
28:47
something in here I want to eat. What?
28:48
What?
28:50
What smells so good?
28:52
>> Is it the shampoo? It's guava.
28:55
>> Now,
28:58
>> oh, wait, wait.
29:00
Is it my bologn sandwich?
29:02
>> Yes, yes, yes. Can't believe it. The
29:07
baby wants baloney. Baby wants me to eat
29:10
meat. I can't eat meat.
29:11
>> Wait, wait.
29:13
>> Maybe it's a pickle. Nothing. This is
29:16
the 9 millionth ring store we've been
29:18
to, and I can't find the perfect ring.
29:20
Ugly ring. Ugly ring. Ugly ring.
29:22
It's a beautiful selection.
29:28
Okay, so maybe you don't get her a ring.
29:32
Maybe you maybe you do something
29:35
different, you know? Maybe you get her
29:36
an engagement bracelet, you know, or an
29:38
engagement tiara or oh, an engagement
29:39
revolutionary war musket.
29:43
>> You know, I'm so glad I picked you to
29:46
help me with this.
29:48
>> Can't you just imagine getting down on
29:50
one knee and handing her this gorgeous
29:52
piece of weaponry?
29:54
>> Yeah, I'm going to stick with the ring.
29:57
>> Hey guys.
30:00
>> Hey, sweetie.
30:01
>> Ready to go?
30:02
>> Yeah, sure. Oh, I left my purse up at
30:03
Monica's. I'll be right back. Wait a
30:04
minute.
30:06
>> That one kept going.
30:14
>> Wow. You and Phoebe, huh? How long you
30:21
been going out?
30:23
>> Over a month.
30:24
>> Wow. Maybe uh maybe you and I ought to
30:25
get to know each other a little better.
30:27
>> Sure, I'd like that.
30:29
>> Yeah. So, uh
30:30
what's your name?
30:33
It's Jake.
30:37
>> Joey.
30:38
>> Hey, Jake. Uh, do you like the Knicks?
30:40
>> Yeah, big fan.
30:42
>> Me, too. There's a game on Tuesday.
30:43
>> You want to go?
30:46
>> Yeah, that'd be great. Let me make sure
30:46
I'm not doing anything Tuesday.
30:48
[Applause]
30:52
[Music]
30:53
>> Pet.
30:55
>> Hey,
30:56
>> listen. You know how uh when you're
30:57
wearing pants and you lean forward, I
30:59
check out your underwear?
31:01
>> Yeah.
31:02
Well, when Jake did it, I saw that he
31:04
was wearing women's underwear.
31:08
>> I know. They were mine.
31:10
>> Oh,
31:14
no. No, wait. That's weird.
31:16
>> No, it's not. We were just goofing
31:19
around and I dared him to try them on.
31:20
>> That's weird.
31:23
>> I'm wearing his briefs right now.
31:24
>> That's kind of hot.
31:25
>> I think so, too.
31:28
>> And that little flap great for holding
31:30
my lipstick.
31:32
Yeah, I wouldn't know about that.
31:39
>> And you know Jake says that women's
31:42
underwear is actually more comfortable.
31:44
And he loves the way the silk feels
31:47
against his skin.
31:48
>> Yeah. Well, next thing you know, he'd be
31:49
telling you that your high heels are
31:51
good for his posture.
31:52
>> There is nothing wrong with Jake. Okay.
31:55
He is all man. I'm thinking even more
31:57
than you.
31:59
>> Oh, yeah. Hey, you look like a real
32:00
lumberjack in those pink laces.
32:01
>> I'm just saying that only a man
32:05
completely secure with his masculinity
32:07
could walk around in women's underwear.
32:09
I don't think you could ever do that.
32:11
>> Hey, I am secure with my masculinity.
32:13
>> Okay, whatever.
32:15
>> You've seen my huge stack of porn,
32:17
right?
32:19
Yeah.
32:44
Hey, Fes.
32:58
>> Hey,
32:59
>> check it out.
33:02
>> Huh?
33:05
>> How much of a man am I?
33:09
>> Wow, nice. Manly and also kind of a
33:12
33:15
>> You know, I'm beginning to see what Jake
33:17
was talking about. Uh-huh.
33:20
>> The silk feels really good.
33:21
>> Yeah. And and things aren't as smashed
33:24
down as I thought they were going to be.
33:27
>> It's great, Joe.
33:29
>> Yeah. And you have so many more choices
33:30
than you do with men's underwear.
33:32
Bikini, French cut, thong, and and the
33:33
fabrics. You got cotton, silk, lace, and
33:36
you know what? I've always wondered
33:39
about panty hoes. You know the way they
33:40
start at your toe and then they go all
33:44
the way up to you.
33:45
>> I should go take these off, shouldn't I?
33:50
>> I think it's important that you do
33:52
>> feel better.
33:56
>> Yeah. Much
33:57
Listen, uh not that I'm insecure about
34:00
my manhood or anything, you know, but uh
34:04
I think I need to hook up with a woman
34:07
like right now.
34:09
>> Yeah, I understand.
34:10
>> Yeah. Okay.
34:11
>> Hey. Hi.
34:18
>> Hi.
34:19
>> You know, you look familiar. Do I know
34:20
you from somewhere?
34:22
>> I don't think so.
34:23
>> Maybe it's because I'm on television.
34:25
>> I'm an actor on Days of Our Lives.
34:29
>> Wow.
34:31
>> Really?
34:32
>> Mhm.
34:32
>> 450, please.
34:33
>> Oh, let me get this.
34:34
These are for you.
34:47
[Music]
34:52
Lyrics & Translation
Coming Soon!
We're updating this section. Stay tuned!
Key Vocabulary
Start Practicing
| Vocabulary | Meanings |
|---|---|
|
baby /ˈbeɪbi/ A1 |
|
|
date /deɪt/ A2 |
|
|
train /treɪn/ A1 |
|
|
museum /mjuːˈziːəm/ A2 |
|
|
mercy /ˈmɜːrsi/ B1 |
|
|
woman /ˈwʊmən/ A1 |
|
|
drum /drʌm/ A2 |
|
|
guitar /ɡɪˈtɑːr/ A2 |
|
|
president /ˈprɛzɪdənt/ B1 |
|
|
earth /ɜːrθ/ A2 |
|
|
atom /ˈætəm/ B2 |
|
|
science /ˈsaɪəns/ B1 |
|
|
apartment /əˈpɑːrtmənt/ A2 |
|
|
river /ˈrɪvər/ A1 |
|
|
duck /dʌk/ A1 |
|
|
destiny /ˈdɛstɪni/ B2 |
|
|
bike /baɪk/ A2 |
|
|
Everest /ˈɛvərɪst/ B1 |
|
|
gun /ɡʌn/ A2 |
|
Do you remember what “baby” or “date” means in ""?
Hop into the app to practice now – quizzes, flashcards, and native-like pronunciation are waiting!
Key Grammar Structures
-
I just thought that it would make me feel better if I wrote to Sesame Street cuz they were so nice when I was a little kid.
➔ Past perfect continuous tense in a hypothetical structure
➔ The sentence uses "had" + "been" in a past perfect continuous to express a hypothetical action that happened before another past event: "I "had" "been" writing" implies imagining writing as an ongoing action in the past for better feelings.
-
All I got was a lousy keychain. And by that time, I was living in a box.
➔ Past continuous tense contrasting with accomplishment
➔ The past continuous "was living" describes an ongoing state in the past, contrasting with the completed action "got" (received the keychain), showing a situation that continued over time despite the disappointing outcome.
-
Well, you know, a lot of those muppets don't have thumbs.
➔ Modal auxiliary 'don't' in a general truth statement
➔ Uses "don't" (negated form of "do") with plural nouns to state a general fact about muppets not having thumbs, typical for third-person plural in present simple for timeless truths.
-
You know what I think is so great? that you're totally into this person, yet for all you know, she could be like 90 years old or have two heads or it could be a guy.
➔ Mixed conditionals (present hypothetical with past basis)
➔ The conditional structure "could be" (modal for possibility) mixes past knowledge ("for all you know") with a present hypothetical situation, imagining possibilities that contradict the current reality if the past were uncertain.
-
You know, there was that guy. Okay. Well, what about Okay. Well, there's got to be someone.
➔ Modal 'got to' for strong obligation or necessity
➔ "Got to" expresses a logical necessity or assumption based on context, meaning "there must be" someone, emphasizing inevitability in the conversation about past relationships.
-
Yeah, well, sorry to burst that bubble, thieves, but selfless good deeds don't exist. Okay.
➔ Emphatic negation with 'don't' in present simple
➔ Emphasizes "don't" (exist) to negate the statement strongly in present simple, asserting a general belief that selfless deeds are impossible, as a timeless truth.
-
But we have to make room for the fresh ones. So what happens to the old guys?
➔ Present simple for habitual or general actions
➔ "Have to" and "happens" (present simple) describe general rules or outcomes for Christmas tree lots, not specific instances, showing routine or universal truths in the scenario.
-
I didn't have keys. I'm sorry, Feebs. I just, you know, I just wanted to do a good deed like like you did with the babies.
➔ Past simple for specific past actions sequence
➔ Uses past simple verbs like "didn't have" and "wanted" (did) to narrate completed actions in sequence: not having keys followed by wanting to mimic a deed, highlighting personal history.
-
Now, are you telling me that you are so unbelievably arrogant that you can't admit that there's a teeny tiny possibility that you could be wrong about this?
➔ Complex sentence with modal 'could' in hypothetical subjunctive
➔ The modal "could" in the subordinate clause expresses a hypothetical possibility of being wrong, using subjunctive form to question arrogance in a complex debated structure over science beliefs.
-
Up until like what, 50 years ago, you all thought the atom was the smallest thing until you split it open and this like whole mess of crap came out.
➔ Past perfect and past simple in temporal contrast
➔ Uses past perfect "had thought" to show a past belief (atom was smallest) until past simple "thought" and "split" and "came" described the discovery event changing that belief, contrasting prior assumption with new fact.
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