– English Lyrics

Lyrics & Translation

[English]

[Music]

[Applause]

What do you think of when I say the word

mother-in-law?

You might flinch a little as you think,

"Oof, you won't believe what mine did

last week." Or maybe you're the lucky

person that thinks, "I actually hit the

mother-in-law jackpot."

Well, I have a lot to say about

mother-in-laws and daughter-in-laws. As

a matter of fact, I have five rules that

can absolutely transform your

relationship with your in-law. By the

way, I use the terms mother-in-law and

daughter-in-law in this talk, but the

rules apply to any in-law relationship.

Now, before we talk fixes, let's talk

foundation.

I think the main reason why the

mother-in-law daughter-in-law dynamic is

so delicate is that both women deeply

love the same man. So, it's not a

natural relationship. It's basically a

love triangle without all the romance,

but with all the drama. Speaking of

love, I have to disclaim that I love my

mother-in-law and we have a fantastic

relationship. And many of the rules are

based on the things she does right. But

for the past 17 years, I have been

teaching about marriage to brides all

over the world. And one of the biggest

issues I hear over and over again is

about in-laws, specifically, you guessed

it, mother-in-laws. So, I am privy to

some of the juiciest complaints.

Things got interesting when I started

getting meeting requests from the

mother-in-laws. Yes, they reached out

with their gripes and questions on how

to handle their tricky daughter-in-laws.

Now, at first, I would just listen and

be thinking, hm, note to self, how not

to act as a mother-in-law or wow, got to

make sure not to do that to my

mother-in-law. But then I decided to do

a deep dive. You see, I'm a journalist

and I do a ton of writing for various

publications. I interviewed hundreds of

mother-in-laws and daughter-in-laws for

an article. Within days, that article

reached a recordbreaking number of

readership. So, I knew I was on to

something. I discovered that almost

every single mother-in-law longed for

more inclusion and almost every single

daughter-in-law wished for more space.

So, basically, while one is dreaming of

Sunday brunch together, the other one is

fantasizing about cancelling it. So,

here are the top five rules that every

mother-in-law and daughter-in-law should

both follow in order to enjoy in-law

utopia.

Rule number one, play fair.

Congratulations, your son is married.

Now, it's time to play fair. Treat your

daughter-in-law like one of your own. If

you're giving gifts, doing favors, or

making plans, include both. A light bulb

went off for me regarding this rule when

a student of mine shared that when her

husband's brother got married, her

mother-in-law paid for every single one

of her daughters to get their makeup

done and did not offer this to her one

daughter-in-law.

My student felt really slighted. The

solution, do for all or do for none. And

daughter-in-laws, you got to play fair,

too. Treat your mother-in-law like your

own mother. Call both moms. Visit both

sides. Give your children the gift of

both sets of grandparents. Because

here's the secret. Daughter-in-laws, the

more you include, the less they intrude.

And mother-in-laws, the more you

intrude, the more they're going to try

to exclude.

Rule number two, Q-tip.

Quit taking it personally.

This is big. Stop assuming everything is

about you. In almost any life situation,

you can create a narrative that helps

you or hurts you. So why choose the

version that leaves you feeling

insulted? A student once called and was

like, "Ah, my fiance's parents barely

spoke when they met me for the first

time. They hate me." I said, "Or

maybe they were just nervous like you."

Another student was like, "Gh, my

mother-in-law brought over dinner. Does

she think I can't cook? I told her that

that exact scenario would be somebody

else's dream come true. If your

mother-in-law makes you dinner, maybe

it's her way of saying I care, not you

can't cook. Let's stop finding malice

where there might just be

misunderstanding because most of the

time it's probably not about you. Here's

the thing. When you take everything

personally like this, your mother-in-law

starts to feel muzzled. Your

daughter-in-law feels like she can do no

right. This no-win situation makes

everybody want to give up. But when you

stop taking it personally, you

deenergize the behavior. And then even

the most difficult in-law becomes

neutral. So how do you stop taking it

personally? With rule number three,

start thanking and praising. It's really

just that simple. Because no matter how

different your personalities may be,

there's always something to be thankful

for. Mother-in-laws, this woman married

your son, that means something.

Daughter-in-laws, this woman spent years

raising the person you love most. That

alone deserves recognition. So say thank

you, give compliments, because a little

praise softens even the hardest of

hearts. And most importantly, it softens

your heart. By the way, quick hint. I

found that most daughter-in-laws crave

praise and most mother-in-laws crave

thanks. Trust me, I've done the

research. So, now let's talk about rule

number four. Choose connection over

control. Control and connection are

polar opposites in any relationship. The

more control you try to exert, the less

closeness you'll have. A student of

mine, we'll call her Tammy, called me

feeling suffocated. Her mother-in-law

insisted on hosting them for Friday

night dinner every single week for

months. She would call in advance, and

if Tammy even hesitated, she'd be like,

"Uh-uh, I already asked Dave. He said

you're free."

So, in an attempt to create closeness,

this mother-in-law ended up pushing

Tammy away. If you want real connection,

give space. They may come less often,

but then when they do come, you'll know

that they actually want to be there. And

how do you make sure that they want to

be there? Mother-in-laws,

don't tell your daughter-in-law how to

raise her child. Daughter-in-laws, don't

use your kids as pawns. That's control,

not love, and everybody loses.

Rule number five, accept and respect.

Here's an eyeopener. And my favorite

rule of all, guess what? You don't have

to like your in-laws. That's right. What

you think of them is actually

irrelevant. You can't change them. But

your behavior, that's on you. You have

to accept them for who they are and

respect them no matter what. And respect

begins with boundaries. In some wedding

rituals, the bride circles the groom

seven times, symbolizing the home

they're now building and the couple's

sacred space. No one else belongs inside

that circle, not even the parents,

mother-in-laws. The relationship you

once had with your child has changed. It

doesn't mean he loves you less. He's

just building his own family now.

Respect your child enough to show that

you'll now fit into his life rather than

forcing yourself in. and

daughter-in-laws. Your in-laws have

limitations with how much they can help

and how much they can handle. You got to

respect that. Respect is not optional.

It reflects who you are. And at the end

of the day, you have to be able to look

in the mirror and feel proud of the

person staring back at you. Because when

you choose to honor your in-laws,

you're honoring yourself, too. And that

kind of self-respect, it brings deep,

satisfying inner peace.

Look, this relationship will never be

perfect because it's not meant to be.

But if you stop focusing on who's right,

and you start doing what's right,

something magical happens. Tension

eases. These five rules are really five

paths to a better dynamic. And even if

you just pick one of them, slowly

slowly, even the most futile

relationship can be fun again. Okay.

Okay. Maybe not fun, but at least

manageable. So remember,

you don't have to win. You just have to

follow these five guiding rules. And

that, my friends, is how we build

families that last. Thank you.

Key Vocabulary

Vocabulary	Meanings
mother‑in‑law /ˈmʌðər ɪn lɔː/ B1	noun - the mother of one's spouse
daughter‑in‑law /ˈdɔːtər ɪn lɔː/ B1	noun - the wife of one's child
relationship /rɪˈleɪʃənʃɪp/ B1	noun - the way in which two or more people or things are connected
respect /rɪˈspɛkt/ B2	noun - a feeling of admiration toward someone or something verb - to admire or honor someone
control /kənˈtroʊl/ B2	noun - the power to direct or influence something verb - to regulate or dominate
connection /kəˈnɛkʃən/ B2	noun - a link or relationship between people or things
gratitude /ˈɡrætɪˌtjud/ C1	noun - the feeling of being thankful
praise /preɪz/ B2	noun - expressing approval or admiration verb - to express admiration for someone
boundaries /ˈbaʊndəri/ C1	noun - limits that define what is acceptable behavior
inclusion /ɪnˈkluːʒən/ C1	noun - the act of including or being included
exclusion /ɪkˈskluːʒən/ C1	noun - the act of leaving something or someone out
fair /fɛr/ B2	adjective - just, impartial, treating everyone equally
behavior /bɪˈheɪvjər/ B2	noun - the way a person acts or conducts themselves
assume /əˈsuːm/ B2	verb - to accept something as true without proof
stop /stɑːp/ A2	verb - to cease moving or doing something
accept /əkˈsɛpt/ B1	verb - to receive willingly; to agree to something
dynamic /daɪˈnæmɪk/ C1	noun - a process or system characterized by constant change, activity, or progress
conflict /ˈkɒnflɪkt/ B2	noun - a serious disagreement or argument
love /lʌv/ A1	noun - deep affection or strong feeling of attachment verb - to feel deep affection for someone or something