– English Lyrics

Lyrics & Translation

[English]

My friend Angela has never had Costco pizza until today.

[intro music]

We all got to eat and we all remember our first time.

Angela Giarratana, welcome to the show.

Beep beep!

Hurdle into this car.

I love it so much.

I love being in a car.

I'm gonna be looking at the screen the entire, entire time.

Do you have, do you used to hop in a car with your friends

in high school 'cause you had nothing to do and you'd just

drive and talk about life?

Yes.

It was your, it was like your original little apartment.

It, it really was.

That's when you're a teenager.

It was a tiny home for teens.

Yes.

And you got to just hang and sit.

And all of the best, uh, first happened in cars.

Your first breakup with your high school girlfriend

in a yogurt land parking lot that happened in a car.

Oh, did she break up with you?

No, I, I broke up with her and then she married an army guy.

Now she has kids and I hope she's really happy.

And we hope she's watching this.

I miss you.

I had to tell a boy that he, that I was convinced

he didn't like me in a car.

Did he not like you?

He liked me.

And for some reason I was like, you just

don't like me, dude.

Well, that's kinda the same energy of when I saw you in

the green room and you were like, I can't believe I'm

the second guest on the show.

I was like, Angela, you can believe that he likes you.

You can believe that you're second guest on this

iteration of First Meals.

'cause we're eating Costco pizza.

Okay, never had it.

You've never had it.

How did that happen?

Obviously, it's my first.

How did that happen?

It's such a mainstay.

Costco pizza.

I can't get, I don't know how to be comfortable in a car.

God, I wanna move this car.

Now.

I know.

Can we just drive?

Can we go to Vegas?

Have you ever yearned for Costco?

Have you ever seen somebody eating?

Have you ever passed by one and dreamt what it would be

like to be at that food court?

Okay.

I think I have dreamt of the Costco glasses.

You mean the The Costco Optometry Center?

Yes, that's the--

Why have you dreamt of that?

That's only thing because that looks really

convenient and good.

Okay, so they have pizza.

Yeah.

And they do hot dogs.

Yeah.

Aand they do other sh-t.

They do other sh-t.

But there's one other sh-t.

There's one main other sh-t that they do that I

think is really spectacular.

It's called a chicken bake.

Okay.

What do you, what do we start with?

I have heard of a chicken bake.

What have you heard about the chicken bake?

I saw a picture once of a chicken bake.

It's like I grew up like, I don't know.

I don't know why I never had this stuff.

What fundamentalist cult did you escape from in the valley?

Christianity.

Oh, wait, wait.

Did you actually?

Yeah.

Oh, I didn't know that. What kind?

That's why I told that guy.

I didn't wanna get too deep right up at the top.

But I remember telling him specifically, I don't know

if this is too deep for this episode, but I remember

right at the jump I told him, you don't love me.

You love God inside of me.

Like the light I shine.

A Bible study leader coached me to say that.

And to what end?

Why did he coach you to say that?

Just being like, my Bible study

was like, oh, no, like he, he, he likes like,

you need to convert him.

That, um, that, that is how a lot of cults in

the 1970s--

Started? Really?

They called it honey potting.

Honey potting.

Honey potting.

They would send a woman out there and then she

would, you know, kind of flirt and convert people.

But you were doing that for.....

Jesus.

Yeah, and I do that for chicken bakes.

I've stashed a bunch of Costco food in my car.

This to me, represents the crown jewel of Costco food.

So.

As you can see.

It's massive.

It is massive.

It is gnarled.

It is crusty.

So what this is, it's some sort of like pizza dough with

a bunch of cheese around it.

And then inside is chicken, bacon, cheese, and this is the

kicker Caesar salad dressing.

No.

Yeah.

So the Caesar salad dressing gets bubbling

hot, melts with the cheese to form a sort of goo.

What I like to do is like a glow stick stick, just sort

of crack it and then you get the Costco chicken bake.

Okay, let's do this.

This feels like a snack wrap from hell.

Yes, a hundred percent.

Oh my God.

So why is this just a. Why don't we ever put chicken

inside things like this?

Like, like an American dumpling, if you will.

Okay.

I see you, a little foodie influencer.

You got in a car talking about an American dumpling.

I'm like, why don't we put chickens in stuff anymore?

What do you mean anymore?

When do you think was the golden age of putting

chickens in stuff?

I have no clue.

Like it's sort of like hot pocketesque.

Right.

Like my old roommate in college, he was like, I

used to get chicken bakes every baseball game.

Mm-hmm.

Because this is convenient.

If I'm a mother, I'm handing these out, right?

Because it's a, to my kids in the back, I got kids.

And then you just hold it.

Right?

That's what the appeal of a snack wrap.

Right.

It's just quick and you just hold it.

When you saw, if I'm a mother, I'm handing these out.

I imagine you at a baseball game.

I kind of doing like hot dogs.

Get your hot dogs.

If I'm a mother, I'm a hotdog caller.

You got three kids on a leash.

Mm-hmm.

And you're just throwing chicken bakes to

people in the crowd.

Oh my god, it's rich.

Angela, this show is all about your first time eating

this, and this is all about your first, so I wanna

know about some of them.

Okay.

What was your first job that you ever had and what

did you learn from it?

My first big time job.

Was 'cause I like, I did like, I was like an actor.

I was like an actor or something.

No big deal.

Like my first like acting job.

I had to say vagina on two broke girls.

I was hipster number two.

But my first real job, I used to hike dogs for a

big dog walking company.

You said you used to hike dogs?

Yes.

Not walk, not.

Hike.

Why were these dogs so outdoorsy?

It was right when everyone was starting to buy like

Australian Shepherds and they were like living

on Abbott Kinney in like studio apartments.

Mm-hmm.

That were just like a mess.

And I, for some reason said I was good at hiking, never

did a lot of hiking, but like in the morning I would

just pick up dogs, bring them all on a hike, drop

them off and be done by noon.

I was tying dogs to each other when I learned

that I got paid per dog.

Because if you got really, because I'm not holding

a bunch of leashes, Josh, that's for losers.

Okay.

You would, you would really go with these

dogs that you would like,

I would hike for like,

multiple years.

Mm-hmm.

They got used to me.

So they would go off leash and then I would tie the

good ones to the bad ones.

So the, the good ones were walking the bad dogs.

You vertically integrated your dogs to walk each other?

Yes.

Yes. That's called leadership.

That's what they were.

And that's leader and that's called leadership.

Is that what you learned ultimately about life?

Honestly, I'm gonna take this really sad for a second.

I realized I was in constant fear of pleasing people when

I started working with dogs.

'cause there was a day where I was like, I

had a bunch of dogs.

There was like 20, if I exceeded 15,

you did 20 at a time.

It wasn't safe to hike.

So then I'd have to go to the dog park and I once

was sitting with just dogs and I felt so at peace.

And I remember going like, no one's mad at me.

Oh, I don't worry it.

I'm not worried about what any of them think of me.

Yeah.

When's the first time you remember somebody

being mad at you?

I think I grew up around a lot, a lot of emotional

Italians, so emotions.

You can just say Italians.

I could just cut.

Yeah, you just cut that out.

Yeah.

I was scared of big emotions early on.

You're like one of

bigger, more emotional people that I know.

And I mean that like as a complete compliment.

Yeah, like you're somebody that emotes so hard.

At the top of this episode.

I wa, I wasn't putting that on.

If anything, I'm gonna watch that back and

think that was so cringe.

I was just genuinely excited.

No, I've spent a lot of time with you on camera

and off camera and there is a very thin membrane that

separates those two people.

It's actually great.

It's almost non-existent.

Okay, should we go pizza or hotdog next?

Your call.

I don't know the correct course ration.

I think pizza here, you take the pizza that's been sitting

in the direct sunlight.

Yeah.

'cause that has actually kept that nice little grease pool

warm.

This is so cool.

Just a pizza looks.

Doesn't look like they have a take on it or anything.

No, but but their take is the weight feel how

heavy that is compared to most pizzas.

Yeah.

Wow.

That's ridiculous.

You're right.

It literally is.

Um, wow.

Okay.

It's about three to four times denser than almost any pizza.

And that's just heavy cheese. It feels That's pure.

Oh, that is pure heavy cheese.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

That's where all the grease comes from.

This is a fun time.

Wow.

Thanks.

You just spanked my pizza.

Okay.

When you bite into Costco pizza, it sounds like

somebody stirring mac and cheese.

Because it's...

Dense.

I know what I'm eating is flat, but it feels

like it's in a pot.

I can't even get her to sit up straight.

Okay.

I, I made the claim before, like, this is to me, Southern

California style pizza.

Dare I say, this is California Pizza, kitchen pizza.

Oh.

Dude, bro, if I got to buy a chain, I'm buying CPK.

I think you and I could maybe just franchise A CPK.

And all we need is someone who like understands avocado

and barbecue chicken.

I know the etymology of both avocado and barbecue.

And I know moms see and, and elementary schools.

We can crush it.

We kill it.

It's like PTA party stuff.

Angela, what was the first major success

you remember in life?

Your first big accomplishment?

I'm gonna go with the first thing that came to my mind.

It's something that I take, I take very um, I make it

a big deal for me, and I actually don't think it's

that big of a deal at all.

And I actually don't even know it's fully, if

it's fully true, but when I was like five, okay.

I was in a production of Cinderella.

Mm-hmm.

And my mom came to all the music rehearsals with me and

I learned my song and my mom said I knew it really well.

And then it comes to the show.

And the piano player's playing the song.

And I stand up and I'm not singing, and then

my mom's like, oh no.

And this is what my mom says.

She says that my mom realized he was playing

in the wrong key.

'cause my mom also knows music.

Mm-hmm.

And she screamed out, you're in the wrong key.

And then he saw what he was doing.

Then he played in the right key and I started singing.

So I think that was success for me.

Do you--

I think at a young age I had a good ear.

I think I then fostered it, not at all, and did

and hated my piano teacher.

Mm-hmm.

And hated every teacher that taught me music.

But I think, um, every time I hear that, I feel successful.

Do you think you feeling success in that moment

is because of the shared story with your mom?

Because if you had that kind of fear of your mom

being mad at you, but now this is the time where.

I bet your mom has told that story a hundred times.

Yeah. Right.

And I bet every time she does, her eyes light up.

I also think a lot of what I do and what I'm successful

at, I have forced, in a way.

What do you mean?

Like, I wanted to do this, so I made it work.

And I think the idea of me just naturally being

gifted is not a lot of the things I do every day.

I think a lot of the things I, the, the tools I have that I

use at work

came from me developing them and practicing them.

Mm-hmm. And learning them.

I don't know if I was ever naturally funny or naturally

anything, but feeling like I naturally knew music to me,

makes me feel more successful than if I worked really hard.

I don't know what that says, but.

That's bizarre because I would think

it's a complete opposite.

I feel a weird amount of guilt for the things that

come naturally to me.

Mm. Like when I was a kid, I could just, uh, for

whatever reason, I could just read and write from

like a super young age, like two, three years old.

Wow.

I was reading full weird adult books.

Anytime anyone was like, oh, this kid's very

smart or well spoken.

I was like, this is just some gift from on high.

All I want to do is You're like, compliments the chef.

Like, not to me.

Yeah.

I just wanna work really hard at basketball and

be really good at that.

That's so crazy that I'm kind of backwards about it because

I think it might be where we live or just, I just feel like

everybody works really hard.

I think part, part of me was always jealous of people

who had things that kind of came very naturally to them.

Yeah.

So part of me was like, I want to be in that

club a little bit.

Yeah.

Do you think it was that?

Like you saw other people and things came naturally?

Yeah.

That you didn't feel like you were endowed with a lot.

So anytime you did, it was like, oh, I'm

part of that club.

He was like, oh yeah.

Like, oh, I didn't even choose that.

That shows me.

Have you ever said that sentence before?

This is why I can't eat grease.

It felt so unnatural.

I felt like I was in [bleep] lawn.

What was the first failure you remember?

Okay, my first failure I've ever, what was my

first really big failure that I won't forget?

I'm trying to think, what was yours?

I remember feeling a tremendous amount of

failure in fourth grade.

When my teacher didn't teach math, he, he gave us workbooks

and just said, when you finish it, come check it off

at your own pace with me.

And so kids are running through like three years

of math in like six months.

But me, I didn't do a single piece of math in

fourth grade for six months.

But you had no deadline.

I had no deadline.

Why would I do it?

And the school system is deadlines.

The school system is deadlines.

And so I, I just didn't do a single math problem for six

months until one day it goes.

I haven't seen your math in a while and I gave it to him

and I'm still in chapter one and he got so mad and I was

like, oh, this is failure.

Wow.

But it didn't sink in 'cause I would still do that

today and I still kind of think he was in the wrong.

Um, I think mine another deep one.

I don't know how you answer these questions

in a chill, casual way.

I remember.

This might not even be failure either.

I don't know.

I don't eat this kind of food a lot, so my thought

patterns, I feel like I'm drinking like a four loco.

You act like there's sodium penal in the pizza.

That's what it feels like.

Yeah, I eat arugula, Josh.

Um, I remember I hit my brother when we were little

and he started crying and then I felt so bad.

That I started crying and my mom was like,

you don't get to cry.

You did the mean thing.

He gets to cry.

That's kind of a really heavy life lesson.

Really heavy, that like, I, yeah, I remember that

being the, the first like.

Boom.

Like, good gut punch.

You did the bad thing.

You don't get to cry, you don't get to feel sad.

That is like from a young age kind of teaching you to

like stifle your emotions in a, in a way, a little

bit, but also kind of being like, well, you are the

reason why he's crying.

Yeah.

And you feel like crap, so you should feel this

feels, feels like crap to hurt other people too.

Yeah.

I, I kind of love that.

Yeah.

We ready for dessert?

Yeah, let's go do a hot dog.

Hot....

Dog for dessert.

Yeah.

There we go.

Thank you so much.

We'll box that up for later.

So kind.

Can you reach into my glove compartment?

Yeah, shut up.

What?

That's disgusting.

Why?

Your glove compartment's gonna smell like onions

for weeks, Josh.

It's not bad.

It's fine.

Oh my god.

Costco, little Costco lore here.

One of the many things the pandemic took from us

was Costco used to have a rotary onion grinder.

That you would hand crank Angela, you would hand crank

it like an old timey telephone and then it would come out.

Yeah, but like they didn't exactly chop the onions

because it kind of ground them and it can do a slurry.

So you see, you see the wet at the tip.

And so we made our own Costco slurry onions.

So you could have the real experience here.

Yeah.

Oh shit, dude.

How do all of these car food people eat in their cars?

This is crazy.

It's so hard.

These are the only pants I brought.

I'm supposed to go out tonight.

Yeah. What do you want here?

You want it just chill?

Yeah, just try.

Well, I'd say here, I'm gonna rotate the dog so you

can get it onto the wets.

Dude, do you ever do the hot dog tornado method?

Where you to spin it?

I'm loading you up.

Oh, there's onions all over your glove compartment.

Excellent. This ist.

This is okay.

That's enough, right?

You do.

Can I, do you want me to onion you?

Yeah. Yeah.

Here I can leave that there.

Thank you so much.

Do you want--

I also eat an onion like a man, I could stick my

hand in there.

Onion like a man.

Stick your hand in there.

Here's my first onion with my hand.

Disgusting.

I thought you were just gonna fist

grab the onions.

Throw it on there.

Can I tell you something?

I think all hot dogs are mid. Cheers.

Never been wowed by a hot dog.

You're unmoved by the glove compartment onions.

Those are nice, but all hot dogs

to me taste the same.

I think they're kind of supposed to taste the same.

One of my first ever sketch shows in LA I was with some

team and we were doing bad comedy, but it was like

you're learning comedy to just like, you're kind of learning

how to like make a mess and you think it's funny, but

it's just a mess on stage.

Yeah.

And for some reason I was like, I'm gonna wear this

hot dog costume and I'm gonna tap dance, and then

I'm gonna hand out hot dogs to everyone in the audience.

Mm-hmm.

And I had cooked them at home, then put them in

buns, wrapped them up.

The show was hours later.

And then I passed around all these hot dogs and I thought

I was gonna like make the, I thought the audience was gonna

freak out, but everyone was like, Ew, it's not cooked.

Ew, it's not cooked.

And then I was just tapped dancing against the hotdog,

like they're just cold.

I cooked them earlier today.

And that's called improv baby.

Do you remember the first time you made someone laugh?

The first time you made someone laugh

and went, I am funny.

I can do this.

There's this home video of me.

With my brother and I am putting on an

absolute play for my mom.

I'm like, so then the princess is over here and

then the princess prince is over here and I'm doing this

whole thing and my mom pans down and my little brother,

'cause it's an Italian household, which is the the

boy mom center of the world.

Mm-hmm.

My little brother picks up a a stick and my mom goes,

honey, he picked up a stick and I'm doing a full play.

And you hear me in the back going, you

are not looking at me.

You're not listening to me.

And I'm like doing choreo.

I'm running around.

I'm like, and then the queen goes over here

and then my brother's just like with a stick.

And she goes, oh my God, honey, get over here.

He has a stick.

I remember that was the first time I was reaching

probably for attention.

You know, part of that I think made you

what you are today and the fact that I think you do

take so many big swings.

Yeah.

And the fact that you have the tap dancing hotdog.

Yeah.

I think like you're like the Tony Gwynn of comedy.

Who's Tony Gwynn?

Tony Gwynn.

He, so he was a power hitter for the San Diego Padres.

What's a power hitter?

So he was a Oh, okay.

Uh, let's go back to the beginning.

So what's a San Diego Padre?

Um, in the Civil War, they needed a way to entertain

soldiers in the camp.

So they made up games.

Fast forward, fast forward, uh, baseball copy.

And so, uh, baseball national pastime.

They integrated the leagues.

Jackie Robinson, Tony Gwynn, 1990s, Santa Diego Padres

hit a lot of home runs, swung the bat really hard.

You take big swings.

Great there.

It's, thank you. That's, that means a lot.

No problem.

Uh, do you remember your first kiss and can you rate

it on a scale of one to 10 in terms of awkwardness?

Yeah, I'm gonna say he was a two 'cause he was

in rehearsal for a play.

Oh, so embarrassing.

He had to kiss me 'cause he was in the play.

No, I'm sure he wanted to kiss you.

And I remember in the room going, my first

kiss is gonna be this.

And I remember he grabbed a bottle of bottle of

Gatorade and gargled.

The Gatorade was like, alright, let's do this.

How long did it take you to recover from that?

It took me a bit because I remember he

was in love with me, so.

Angela, I feel like your whole life has just been

people reaching out to you saying, I'm in love with you.

You're getting too deep.

Onions in the car.

Oh my god.

Angela, I can't believe I got to experience your

first Costco with you.

This is amazing.

This is incredible.

Thank you so much.

Also, just the trays.

You don't see these anymore.

You can take those home dude, those are for you.

Your first tray taken from my car, I absolutely

insist.

This is so kind. And you're gonna put the onions back?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, you let 'em ferment so it kind of turns into like

an onion form of sauerkraut.

Julia's a lucky girl.

God dang right.

Angela, you got anything to plug?

Um, no, just.

You.

You're great.

Stop it.

You're great.

I'm at Angela Giarratana on Instagram.

Thank you so much for stopping by Mythical Kitchen.

Tell us who you wanna see on the show next and what

you wanna see them eat.

I don't feel so good.

Me either.

Sporked is your guide through the grocery aisle.

Head over to Sporked.com to discover the best food

and drinks the Sporked team has been tasting lately.

Key Vocabulary

Vocabulary	Meanings
friend /frend/ A1	noun - a person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection
pizza /ˈpiːtsə/ A1	noun - a dish of Italian origin, consisting of a flat, round base of dough baked with a topping of tomato sauce and cheese, often with meat or vegetables added.
eat /iːt/ A1	verb - to put (food) into the mouth and chew and swallow it.
first /fɜːrst/ A1	adjective - coming before all others in time or order; earliest.
time /taɪm/ A1	noun - the indefinite continued progress of existence and events in the past, present, and future regarded as a whole.
love /lʌv/ A1	verb - feel deep affection for. noun - an intense feeling of deep affection.
car /kɑːr/ A1	noun - a road vehicle, typically with four wheels, powered by an internal combustion engine and able to carry a small number of people.
school /skuːl/ A1	noun - an institution for educating children.
life /laɪf/ A1	noun - the condition that distinguishes animals and plants from inorganic matter, including the capacity for growth, reproduction, functional activity, and continual change preceding death.
high /haɪ/ A1	adjective - rising or extending a great distance upward; tall.
teenager /ˈtiːneɪdʒər/ A2	noun - a person aged between 13 and 19 years.
breakup /ˈbreɪkʌp/ B1	noun - the ending of a romantic relationship.
married /ˈmærid/ B1	adjective - joined to someone in marriage.
remember /rɪˈmembər/ A1	verb - to recall a past event or fact.
happy /ˈhapi/ A1	adjective - feeling or showing pleasure or contentment.
believe /bɪˈliːv/ A1	verb - accept that something is true
show /ʃəʊ/ A1	noun - a performance or event, especially a public one.
think /θɪŋk/ A1	verb - have a particular opinion or belief
chicken /ˈtʃɪkɪn/ A1	noun - a domestic fowl kept for its eggs or meat.
home /həʊm/ A1	noun - the place where one lives permanently, especially as a member of a family or household.