– English Lyrics

Lyrics & Translation

[English]

let's hear it for Joe what a great sport

[Applause]

in my possession right so let's just

remind ourselves what the text was hi

I'm doing a massage course on all

different body shapes I really think it

would be perfect

are you up for it gee my god is a

classic farmer yeah how do you know

farmer collide because I was at this

party yes and in the country and I was

gonna surprise my husband and buy him

some sheep yeah surprise hit mr. machine

yes we got chatting so I took his a

number it was about the possible

purchase of some sheep yeah he's a

farmer he's called clive it is in your

phone I'm permanently in the lambing

shed at the moment

so it would have to be on a straw bale

let's remind ourselves of the text we

sent into Bradley's phone just woke up

from a power nap and had the weirdest

dream I was lying on a beach between the

beasts from the chase and a Dalek being

stabbed cocktails by Zayn Malik under

you massaging Sun cream into my thighs

holding me your highness what do you

think it means

Brad well we'll just crack on with this

okay Matt up yard what's Matt up yard

who's that just Matt up the yard he

lives at the end of your garden

this is it's just matter of the yard

it's just a yard a yard is like you know

workshops and stuff right yeah yeah a

mechanic's yard well yeah but he does

even he wraps cars yeah I don't mean

like I wrapped guys Matt so Matt up

you're seriously it probably means that

you need to have a moment to ground

yourself and get some quiet time try a

bit of meditation let me know if you

need help with that on the side Matt

does ordered crystals

meditation anything to tasted Mac can

you do Tuesday at two of the text that I

sent into Holly's phone earlier as you

know I'm a global style icon this

morning are doing a feature where I help

people with absolutely no dress sense

and I immediately thought of you

what was that hideous thing you were

wearing last time I saw you

puking emoji hope you won't be offended

but could you come in with a few of your

outfits for filler line to laugh at in

return you'll get a whole new wardrobe

what do you say need to know asap love

Holly 300 she's way old school friends

had a victim yeah it's good to get that

the last time I saw you was my wedding

day bit harsh whole

Jules babe kids all fed I'm starving can

you pick me up twelve Nuggets a

cheeseburger a choc milkshake and that

flurry thing I love and I think people

started responding to that one before I

even said this one the second text oops

sorry

that text wasn't meant for you I need

you to promise me in capitals that you

won't tell anybody about it let me know

I'm panicking Alfie deyes yeah blogger

vlogger Alfie deyes people know about

alpha day on my way to deliver it to you

wait only 12 nuggets last time you

smashed 24

[Applause]

Dexter Fletcher yeah What did he say

what's going on Jake who's going ah got

you I knew it

fine I'll keep your secret but you have

to promise to come over in the week and

cook my Nana curry

[Applause]

[Music]

let remind ourselves of the text that I

sent early tonight into Cheryl's phone

hi babe I'm getting private art lessons

and my homework this week is life

drawing

would you come round and posed naked for

me it'll only take a few hours we can

have a good nap man and don't worry I'll

walk up the heat if you'd rather we can

position fruit grapes emoji and stuff in

front of your naughty bits please let me

know tonight so that text went out and

texts have been flying in and I thought

we'd start with dad where's where's

where's dad

he's in New Castle he's in New Castle I

have to say it's a really brilliant text

he's just text is it's cold up here I

will only need a grape this is VB

Victoria Beckham Victoria Beckham

[Applause]

what it's one word and a question mark

pardon

I should have ohto on your phone and

sent it with the text of an official

letter from Downing Street inviting you

on behalf of the Queen to become a

knight of the realm and with that

photograph was this text this just came

special delivery arise sir Danny this is

totally spam me nut is an order but will

it damage my hardman image I trust your

opinion maluf shall I accept or tell him

to jog on camera emoji Jimmy cars popped

in it

you can't mug off the Queen

[Music]

except it's you company legend that's

Annie Cassidy from EastEnders Oh Danny I

think it's amazing

are you sure it's not a wind-up no one

is having you on you've got to go for it

my boy

that is the nuts blimey first brexit now

die is getting a knighthood feeling a

little insecure do you think I'm still

hot I mean Harry Styles Bieber that guy

who plays Paul Doc can I still compete

with these guys who's Amanda Abbington

the actress she's just texted is this

that guy from Westlife

I think she deserves the tanks back yeah

very dare you

who's Russell see that's Russell Crowe

Russell Crowe

ta-dah

my name is Maximus Aurelius Maximus

father murdered sons were murdered

father shall get my vengeance Revathy

I really didn't want him to respond

nothing gets past crow someone's got

your phone mate

yes I have his phone and my name is

Maximus

so I said that that's going to Russell

Crowe

something as discomfort

she smiled at me on the subway just

texted yeah I was standing here just go

through I just wanna hold this phone all

night

okay jail Unser's Ronan you are the king

they are all just cheap imitations of

you you will always is that it's not

finished you will always be number one

PS we should be together this is the

text that we sent out earlier wonderful

news

Bev enjoys have announced through a dog

whisperer that they want to be married

in a civil partnership Adele has agreed

to give Joyce away and we would be

honored if you would walk Bev down the

aisle in brackets don't worry we'll

supply poo bags guests will eat from dog

bowls and there will be a DJ set from

Snoop Dogg let me know if you're up for

it and if you have any other ideas to

make this the wedding of the century in

brackets don't hold back

okay magazine okay who's andreas wild Oh

German hairdresser toast Isis a German

hairdresser called Andrea I know who the

forty yeah

Vava okay so he started with oh my god

Isis under God's earth I'm already

planning my outfit

yes I will do their hair and Sebastian

is the best you this is partly positive

dear Johnny

sebastian is making a frankfurter cake

[Music]

another test this is so exciting I just

told everyone in Germany

[Applause]

I just told everyone in Germany where I

am at the moment well no one knows who

you are but they're very happy for you

anyway brilliant from Chris Moyles this

one from Chris Mars just says send my

love to Michael so he obviously knows

what's going on I guess you're on his

show as you haven't texted me since 2013

[Applause]

Sebastian is that andreas bobsleigh he's

the one who baked in the Frankfurter

cake Oh brilliant really funny happy to

love but I do feel for the bridesmaid

downwind of Bev great news outdoor a

boat came to was frightening first bonus

you should invite Sir Kenneth dog Lee

congratulations me hopefully some grand

dogs on the way I had a really weird

dream last night that me and you were

presenting match of the day together

naked what do you think it means F

Flintoff which I presume is the great

English himself he's got with the

weirdest part

but isn't me or being naked it's you

actually presenting match of the day

whose quacks what my best friend from

Wales one of your best friends in Wales

hello geese trust the family a well mate

interesting one to dream of a close

friend can mean you missing him

there are various meanings for being

naked he's obviously googled this let me

look it up and do some research on it

you all match of the day I can

understand this is amazing

me uh no one which makes it intrigue you

let me have a look at it

have you dreamt of me or being naked

before texted back keys some research

suggests

but we naked is an insecurity thing and

you feel you are not in control is all

okay with the family and the job

a ball watch off him

Rocco's a burglar

I bought a watch of him yeah he's just

said tough one this oh and he started

with great emojis of the of the thinking

person he's going for five thoughts

tough on this I think it means you're

possibly overworking I've just asked my

missus what she thinks it means and she

was more gutted that it wasn't her

presenting matter day yes was we

completely naked we wearing watches

my she's three words you fancy me

possibly the most Awkward text I've ever

had to set if it was me I'd want to know

you have really bad breath please tell

me I've done the right thing by telling

you Zomba now we stumble upon upholstery

Jane

why mostra yeah yeah so what did shell

pasta for you oh she said stunts on some

chairs crust no chess yeah

Xander probably the most awkward text

I've ever replied to especially as I

haven't spoken to you for at least two

years is that you forgot to pick up your

chair

[Applause]

oh and of course your right to tell me

Jane

is that why he didn't pick up Cygnus on

the chair that you never picked up never

picked up this J she's currently sitting

at home is this a hoax she's on to it

Church that's not sure that sure that's

actually that's who pushed harlot from

the church

[Applause]

[Applause]

I am so sorry to assume that that was a

Welsh songstress okay robbed the plumber

I'm assuming he's the plumber if the

plan is called don't care if my breath

smells as long as you pay my invoice

[Applause]

delivered events of the party conference

so I'm having a party of my own Anton de

Becque is here Delia is doing canapes

and storms he's coming in brackets mimic

glass toe top guy get down here Gangnam

style best dot ed jug Rinder has texted

ed have you been drinking

I'm concerned much as I'd love to drink

for some hot tub action ruin the entire

vibe I also have a Veruca

[Applause]

one from feed lover be loved as a radio

broadcaster yes yeah oh she's good

simple one-liner how we all wish you had

become Chancellor

[Applause]

three

waingro is the the person who used

to live next door to us is a Methodist

vicar it's really good

so the methodist vicar who lives next

door to you who has been invited to join

you in a hot tub with Anton de Becque

and Delia Smith cuz replied I'll just

finish writing my sermon then grab my

towel

[Applause]

you

you