– English Lyrics

Lyrics & Translation

[English]

Sherry wow only the best here miss

Tinker thanks very much sandwich oh no

thank you anchovy and peanut butter not

quite my cup of tea Frank Sherry oh

thank you very much lovely my favorite

there we are J Jim no no no no no no no

no

yes there we are don't drink it all at

once top

stuff as you all know we're all gathered

here to greet our new Vicor I'm sorry

it's such an awful night I can't fix

everything well you did get our cat

fixed didn't

you I think our new vicar has arrived

either that or the milkman's very late

again hello hello could you hurry

sitting down out here ring very hard now

please hello hello David hon hyon Horton

that's the chap could you just take

these will

I cheers

bye excuse me

P hello I'm Geraldine believe you

expecting me no I'm expecting our new

Vicor unless of course you are the new

vicer and they've landed us with a woman

some sort of insane joke

oh dear oh my

God you were expecting a bloke beard

Bible bad breath yes that sort of thing

yeah and instead you got a babe with a

bobcat and a magnificent bosom so I

see well don't worry it'll be all right

you need a stiff drink so do I come on

David hello I'm Geraldine call me Jerry

delighted to meet you I'm Hugo call me

Hugo right mind if I say that that is is

a devastatingly smart Tai Hugo is it yes

should we go in

there ladies and gentlemen your new vica

hello

Geraldine

boom how do you do uh I'm Frank pickle I

take the minutes on the council Splendid

very important job do forgive me if I

instantly forget your name won't you I'm

absolutely Dreadful with names ask me to

name the Virgin Mary's elest son and

nope mine's gone

Black Jesus that's it yes hello

Geraldine Jerry Leticia lety uh Copley

uh add you the flowers in the church oh

Splendid and what have we got in this

week uh well we're in mour for the

Reverend pottle of course lovely

carnations yes and uh I thought I'd put

in a pineapple as

well

unusual and and you are no no no no no

no no Jim Jim no no no no no not Jim no

no no yes

Jim good good and finally delighted to

meet you this is Miss Tinker she was the

virger under the Reverend ptle oh

Splendid do you want to go on with the

job oh yes please Mom I'd like good good

don't call me mom sounds like the queen

lovely lady but very odd tasting hats

don't you think Miss tinker

yes yes yes oh um You can call me Alice

right because it's my

name right perhaps we should talk about

all this in the morning yes thanks o oh

do you mind absolutely hate a Monti you

wouldn't have any whiskey would you um

certainly uh yes I would mind a whiskey

if there's one going me too Jim oh no no

no no yourself yes I have let's have the

vote

I propose we give the reverent a chance

at least see how she does on Sunday

right all those in favor of Mr new's

excellent

proposition Bravo all those

again oh this is

ridiculous all I can say is that the

proof of the pudding will be in the

eating I think you will find that our

little Community does not react well to

the indignity of a Vicor in high heels

and rallies behind me in the desire to

keep up the Traditions that have made

this Village and the church of England

what they are

today I take it that's a

no yes God your father's Handsome when

he's angry isn't

he in the name of the Father the Son and

the Holy Spirit amen

amen I'd like to start by singing

zippidy dudah because it is such a

thrill to see so many of you here but I

think we should stick with tradition and

sing hymn number

[Music]

199 I know a lot of you were surprised

to find that y Vic is a woman not as

surprised as me all the way through my

teens I was convinced that naturally I

would become a supermodel and marry

either Eric Clapton or David Soul as you

do and then when one day I read The

Sermon on the Mount and it was so

fantastic that was it I decided there

and then to abandon the catwalk and give

the dog collar a

try so here I am at your service totally

yours anytime any day although if you

come to see me first thing in the

morning wear dark glasses because before

my faith falls into place I look

frighteningly like Bernard Manny

no it's true I do it's

scary now let's sing hymn number 300 and

I always think it sounds best if you

shout on the Bread of Heaven bit

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

Mark's out of 10 Alice

17 come

in oh Owen what did you think missed

most of it I'm afraid otherwise engaged

stomach's still bad to be frank is like

the battle of the S down there oh sorry

Jim did you enjoy it no no no no no oh

thanks you're welcome well you'll

definitely be staying on now oh yes you

will fingers cross no it's dead sir I

haven't been more certain of anything

since I opened the envelope telling me

how many o levels I'd passed and how

many did you pass none I'm

AF it's the most people we've had in the

church since that lady Kiva thing 3

years ago oh what was that we were

celebrating the summer solers and we

thought it'd be fun to re an ladyga

diver no no no no no that's my

dress a lot of people turned up but

unfortunately it was rather

disappointing lady could IA wearing a

body stocking no she was absolutely

Stark naked wow well I hadn't had time

to go to the hairdresser so I wasn't

looking my

best I bet you were you sauce

[Laughter]

pot is El John in your house uh as the

Vicor when's he coming out he came out

years ago

after all I've done for you I could have

been a prima ballerina

hello

yes I'm sorry to interrupt has Elton

arrived

Elon yeah I I heard he was opening the

fair I thought i' just dropped by and

surprise him oh God oh God thank you m

kindly I'm going to come clean with you

you totally fabulous

woman there's been a bit of a hiccup on

the Elton front well not so much a

hiccup more like a huge great big belch

with an accidental bit of sick in it you

wouldn't do me the teeniest favor would

you like what may I just say one thing

before I reply to that if you do this no

matter what you do on Earth sex drugs

ritual Satanism I can guarantee you the

best seat in heaven you and God like

that next to each other Jesus Rosy Elis

serving the drinks Gandy Sodom h

well uh my mother did always tell me

never say no to a priest I love your

mother Kyle is ever thought of going

into the priesthood yourself no can't

say I have oh You' be so good at it from

goddess to Priestess in one simple move

you might have to think about changing

your wardrobe Church of England hasn't

come to turns into hot pants yet I know

I've

tried there has been a slight change to

the published schedule for today slight

as in Hitler was slightly nasty I'm

afraid um Elton John won't be able to

join us isn't life a wonderful thing

sometimes but we are delighted to

welcome in his stad one of ox's most

popular entertainers yes it's re Dwight

what a

[Applause]

cool and just for you here today we are

so lucky lucky lucky lucky to have with

us the genuinely perfect I don't care

what the Bible says about girls kissing

girls I'd snugger any day the one the

only Kylie

manod

yeah I can't believe it I cannot believe

it who incidentally is thinking of

taking holy orders next Autumn so enjoy

her while you

can isn't it fabulous father yes isn't

it she's always been one of my favorite

contemporary

entertainers ladies and gentlemen it

gives me great pleasure to declare the

dibl fair officially

open vicer I have had a rather brilliant

thought really I've got this piggy bank

my dad right used to put all his money

in it and he said that when I grew up I

could open it and buy a

Castle did your dad have a reputation

for telling the truth oh yeah my mom

knew all about his kids in the other

Villages hello hug I've just had this

tremendous thought my God it's like

being an ancient grease at the birth of

philosophy here we know Richard Branson

and and maybe he could sponsor the

window I mean he he looks like Jesus

what with the beard and the big smile

and everything yes yes and he rans

virgin and Jesus's mom was well you know

hello youo hello Alice nice piggy bank

yeah how much does it add up to well

excluding everything that isn't actually

legal tender in the United Kingdom a

faring a farthing oh right so quite a

way to go then yeah but don't worry

because Hugo's had his excellent idea

red letter day his father must know

millions of millionaires just dying for

a shortcut to heaven

David it's the vixter here hi look I

just had an idea could you give me the

names of say five of your richest

friends I was thinking we could squeeze

them for the money for the window what

you think it is a ridiculous and may I

say a very immature

idea thank you what a kind and

supportive man what did he say oh what a

guy he said he's a bit busy at the

moment and could you give me the numbers

oh right

I suppose um Lord Hansen very sexy 071

hello Geraldine Granger here could I

speak to Charles Kane please ah Mr Kane

Geraldine Granger here I'm the Vicor of

St Barnabas Church and we were just

wondering if you'd like to donate some

money for our new window we're looking

for about £1,000 and it sorry I can

stick it at my wear

sorry at my

jacksi excellent bless you

look I'm going to have to FIB a little

bit but bear with me it's for a very

good

cause hello uh could I speak to Mr

frobisher

please Daniel hi Jerry Granger here uh

dibl

Investments um you would have heard of

us we're pretty New Kids on the block uh

but I was just wondering if you'd be

interested in a little Investment

Portfolio we're putting together nothing

to do with dibl Oxfordshire well yes

actually because I'm the The Village

Post mistress's daughter friend of mine

is just outside hairless Horton Bal by

14 told me the other day they had a

woman Vicor yeah I heard that too my

mother says she's fantastic and pretty

cute too an all around Bodacious babe in

fact David say she's a bloody nightmare

yeah probably fancies her it's

interesting

thought she might be a virgin I doubt it

I know and she's famously the best

kisser in chelham really oh yeah her

tongue is in the home County's

gymnastics team she can scramble eggs

with it at 20 Paces we're digressing

Miss Granger tell me about your

investment opportunity I can't get that

tongue out of my mind can you give me

any sense of the range of your portfolio

you bars stocks guilts

peps um yeah I've got loads of those uh

look why don't we talk about it over

lunch Mr frobisher okay I'll uh I'll

give you an hour can I see oh look at

you little baby face what's his name

Satan Satan right good well I hope he

enjoys the sermon rather Brave of him to

come at all really

although Yes

actually actually uh well spit it out

boy actually uh I'm not I'm not sure it

is such a ripping plan in fact I beg

your but well it seems to me that uh

sitting here doing if you pardon my

French s to

is in fact a pretty damn poor idea in

comparison to taking old Bruno up to the

church to thank God for the animals upon

which the economic and social life of

our village is based and thanks to whom

the lonely and old people aren't

lonely and don't feel old even though

most of them ought have been buried

before the

war and I'm talking about the B War

here in fact

I I suspect it's just being

proud and waging a rather childish war

against Mrs God and so it's not so much

a good plan as the worst plan since

Hitler's dad said to Hitler's mom let's

go upstairs Brun Hilder I'm feeling a

little Saucy

tonight you do what you think is right

then right fair enough

classic ladies gentlemen and others just

before we go into the church I'd like

you all to join me in a

prayer dear Lord who rode into Jerusalem

on the back of a faithful donkey bless

all these wonderful creatures here today

give them shiny coats and full ERS and

tasty milk and may one of them

unexpectedly win the Grand National next

year 200 to one when we've all had a

little flutter

amen come on Bruno let's go boy let's go

come on Bruno let's a good

boy in for a penny in for a pound come

on Patricia off to

church you lazy old

don't

[Music]

argue oh sorry

sorry now let's start with our first hym

shall we which is of course the Classic

All Things bright and be

[Music]

great

and and wonder

[Music]

please be seated

sit

sit thank you

Key Vocabulary

Vocabulary	Meanings
vicar /ˈvaɪkər/ B2	noun - a clergyman in charge of a parish or a representative of a bishop
priest /priːst/ B2	noun - an ordained minister of a Christian church
church /tʃɜːrtʃ/ B1	noun - a building used for public Christian worship
tradition /trəˈdɪʃən/ B2	noun - the transmission of customs from generation to generation
community /kəˈmjuːnɪti/ B2	noun - a group of people living in the same area or sharing common interests
hymn /hɪm/ B2	noun - a religious song or poem of praise
sermon /ˈsɜːrmən/ B2	noun - a talk about religious topics, especially a sermon given in church
holy /ˈhoʊli/ B2	adjective - dedicated or consecrated to God; sacred
sacred /ˈseɪkrɪd/ B2	adjective - connected with religion; regarded as worthy of reverence and veneration
parish /ˈpærɪʃ/ C1	noun - a small administrative district having its own church and priest
congregation /kənˌɡrɪɡˈeɪʃən/ C1	noun - a group of people assembled for religious worship
minister /ˈmɪnɪstər/ B2	noun - a clergy member who leads worship and provides spiritual guidance
Satan /ˈseɪtən/ B1	noun - the devil; an embodiment of evil in Christian belief
faithful /ˈfeɪθfəl/ B2	adjective - loyal; devoted to a particular belief or cause
donkey /ˈdɒŋki/ B1	noun - a domesticated animal with long ears, used as a beast of burden
bless /blɛs/ B1	verb - to confer divine favor or protection on someone or something
pray /preɪ/ B1	verb - to address a deity or God for help or thanks
celebrate /ˈsɛləbreɪt/ B2	verb - to observe or mark an event with festivities or ceremonies