Hey.
00:01
>> Hey. How was it?
00:02
>> Well, I had a great time. Um, Chanty on
00:03
the other hand, I will tell the story.
00:07
It was going great. I let him win. We
00:11
were bonding. He even said that I could
00:13
call him Dad.
00:15
>> And what did he ask you not to call him?
00:16
>> Daddy.
00:19
[laughter]
00:20
All right. Look, here's the story.
00:21
Well, we had just finished playing
00:24
raetball and we were going to take a
00:26
steam. I walk into the steam room and
00:27
it's really steamy.
00:30
So, I take off my glasses and that's
00:35
when it happened. Guys,
00:37
>> over here. Have a seat, son.
00:40
>> Hey.
00:48
[applause and cheering]
00:51
[music]
00:55
Oh my god, [music] Chandler. I can't
01:00
believe it.
01:01
>> I know.
01:02
>> You gave my father a lap dance.
01:03
[laughter]
01:08
>> Why do they put so much steam in there?
01:09
>> Cuz otherwise they'd have to call it the
01:13
room room.
01:16
>> Why? Okay. Why? Why did that have to
01:19
happen? [laughter]
01:22
>> Come on. It's not that big a deal.
01:24
>> Not that big a deal. There there was
01:26
touching of things.
01:29
>> Yeah, I I know you wanted to bond with
01:31
my dad, but did you really have to bond
01:33
to that part?
01:35
[laughter]
01:39
>> Listen, I'm sure that dad doesn't care.
01:40
He probably thought this was really
01:42
funny. He'll be telling the story for
01:43
years.
01:45
>> I don't want him to tell this story for
01:45
years.
01:47
>> Oh, but he will.
01:49
>> He still tells a story about how Monica
01:52
tried to escape from fat camp.
01:54
I wasn't escaping.
01:58
>> Then how'd you get caught in the barbed
01:59
wire? [laughter]
02:00
>> I was trying to help out a squirrel.
02:02
>> You were trying to eat it.
02:04
>> If that is your father calling to tell
02:10
this story, then the marriage is off.
02:12
>> Come on. Hello.
02:15
I'm sorry. You have the wrong number.
02:17
Okay, I'll call you later, Dad. I love
02:20
you.
02:21
>> [music]
02:26
>> All right, I'm off to see your dad.
02:29
>> Whoa. Whoa. Aren't you a little
02:30
overdressed?
02:32
>> Yeah. And And you better make sure he
02:34
tips you this time.
02:36
[laughter]
02:39
>> Look, I figured I would try to convince
02:39
him not to tell the story anymore. And I
02:41
figured the best way to do that was face
02:43
to face. And by face, I don't mean his
02:45
lap. And by face, I don't mean my ass.
02:48
>> [music]
02:54
>> Just so you understand, I'd feel a lot
02:55
more comfortable if you didn't tell
02:57
people what happened. You know, I'm a
02:58
little I'm a little embarrassed about
03:00
it.
03:02
>> I understand completely. There's nothing
03:03
more horrifying than embarrassing
03:05
yourself in front of your in-laws. As a
03:07
matter of fact, when I started dating
03:09
Judy, I was unemployed and her father
03:11
asked me what I did for a living and I
03:14
told him I was a lawyer.
03:15
>> What'd you do when they found out?
03:18
>> They never did. So if you ever see me
03:19
giving them legal advice, just not
03:21
along,
03:23
>> shall we?
03:25
[laughter]
03:30
[laughter]
03:38
>> So I guess we wear swimsuits in here.
03:42
>> Where's the dog?
03:46
>> What dog? There's There's no dog here.
03:47
>> Yeah, that dog left.
03:50
>> Phoei.
03:54
Phoei, open up.
03:56
>> There's no dog in here.
03:58
>> Phoebe, we can hear the dog barking.
04:01
>> No, that's just me coughing.
04:04
[laughter]
04:07
>> Oh, good. There you are. Listen, um, I
04:12
have a dog in my room.
04:14
What is it doing here?
04:17
>> Well, I'm watching it for some friends
04:18
who went out of town. Wait.
04:20
>> Hello. My name is Clunkers.
04:24
>> May I please stay with you nice people?
04:27
[laughter]
04:30
>> Oh, I wish you could stay here, but
04:31
Chandler is allergic.
04:33
>> Extremely allergic. Okay. If I am
04:34
anywhere near a dog for more than five
04:37
minutes, my throat will just close up.
04:39
That's odd cuz this dog's been living
04:42
here for the past 3 days.
04:44
[laughter]
04:48
Really,
04:52
[laughter]
04:55
>> Taylor? If the dog has been here that
04:55
long and you haven't had a reaction,
04:57
maybe you're not allergic to this dog.
04:58
>> Well, it still has to go, right?
05:00
>> Why?
05:02
>> Okay, it's um
05:05
>> Don't do it. [laughter]
05:06
>> Don't do what?
05:10
>> I have to. Okay, it's time.
05:10
[laughter]
05:17
>> Okay. I HATE DOGS.
05:18
>> WHAT?
05:20
>> WHAT?
05:20
>> CRAZY.
05:21
>> Told you.
05:24
[laughter]
05:26
>> They are needy. They are jumpy. And you
05:30
can't tell what they are thinking. And
05:33
that scares me a little bit. [laughter]
05:35
>> You're right. They are scary. AH, SHE
05:38
JUST ATE A TREAT OUT OF MY HAND.
05:41
[laughter]
05:43
>> Wait a minute. Do you not like all dogs?
05:45
I mean, not even puppies.
05:48
>> Is there a puppy here?
05:49
>> You don't like puppies? Okay, you are
05:52
new.
05:55
[laughter]
05:58
>> Look, Chandler, I told you never tell
06:00
anyone about this dog thing. It's like
06:02
Ross not liking ice cream. [laughter]
06:04
>> You don't like ice cream? It's too cold.
06:08
>> Okay. Just the dogs make me a little
06:12
uncomfortable. Hurts my teeth.
06:14
[laughter]
06:17
And I don't want to say this. I don't
06:18
want you guys to hate me, but uh I don't
06:19
think I can be around that dog anymore.
06:22
Okay. So, either the dog goes or I go.
06:24
Huh?
06:27
[laughter]
06:31
Oh my god.
06:34
Okay, Phoebe, we should probably go back
06:38
now.
06:40
>> Please don't leave me. I'll be lonely.
06:41
>> Stop it. Stop.
06:44
>> Hey, let's go. Come on. We can be
06:47
strong.
06:49
>> Yeah. Okay.
06:49
Oh my god. Did you hear that? She said,
06:53
"Monica, [laughter]
06:55
they can't leave her."
06:58
>> You know, if you want, we could sneak
07:00
the dog back in and Chandler wouldn't
07:02
even know. But it's not going to work. I
07:03
had that dog there for 3 days and
07:05
Chandler had no idea. He's not so smart.
07:07
>> Hey, [laughter]
07:10
I didn't know either.
07:11
>> Yeah, but you kind of knew that
07:12
something was going on, didn't you?
07:14
>> Yeah, I knew. [laughter]
07:18
>> Hi, honey.
07:22
>> Please, please, please don't be mad at
07:23
me.
07:25
>> What? Why? Why would we wait and see?
07:26
Maybe we will. Maybe we won't.
07:28
>> Okay. Okay. I went over to Ross's
07:32
apartment to bring back clunkers, you
07:33
know, for you. And [clears throat] I
07:34
left the door open and she must have
07:36
gotten out. And I looked everywhere all
07:39
over the apartment, including the roof,
07:43
which FYI, Ross, one of your neighbors,
07:45
growing weed.
07:48
I couldn't find them. And I am so so so
07:51
sorry. But I do know where we can all
07:56
go. Ease the pain.
07:59
>> [laughter]
08:02
>> WE HAVE GOOD NEWS. LOOK WHO'S BACK.
08:04
>> HEY, LOOK. Oh my god.
08:06
>> That's right. She came back all by
08:10
herself. It's a Thanksgiving miracle.
08:12
[laughter]
08:16
>> It is so good to see you.
08:18
>> Yet, she came all the way back from
08:20
Ross's building. Oh, the things SHE MUST
08:21
HAVE SEEN.
08:24
AND THEN SHE CLIMBED up the fire escape
08:26
and she tapped on the window with her
08:28
teeny little paw and then we ran to let
08:30
her in. [laughter]
08:32
I went too far, didn't I?
08:34
When should I have stopped? [laughter]
08:37
>> What are you doing?
08:40
>> Do you know what just happened?
08:41
>> Yeah, we we had sex and then we fell
08:45
asleep.
08:47
[laughter]
08:49
No, we were in the middle of sex
08:51
[laughter]
08:54
and you fell asleep.
08:55
>> No. No, that's not true. No. Best time
08:59
ever. [laughter]
09:03
You rocked my world.
09:07
[laughter]
09:09
>> Monica,
09:12
>> what?
09:12
>> I was giving you some of my best moves
09:14
and you missed it. So, please wake up so
09:16
we can do it right. [laughter]
09:19
>> Okay. Okay. I'm ready. Come on, big
09:23
fella.
09:27
Give me the good stuff.
09:28
>> Yeah. [laughter]
09:30
>> No, no, no. Don't fall asleep.
09:32
>> Okay. I'm going to make you some coffee.
09:37
Oh, I probably won't spill coffee
09:42
grounds all over the kitchen floor.
09:44
>> Okay, I'm up. I'm up.
09:46
>> You take half and I take half.
09:48
>> Well, that's not fair. You've already
09:49
had some.
09:50
>> Well, oh, then you know what? I think
09:51
Monica would be very interested to know
09:52
that you called her cheesecake dry and
09:54
mealy.
09:56
>> What do we use to split it?
09:57
>> Okay. [laughter]
09:59
>> All right. Pick a half.
10:02
>> Okay. Well, this side looks bigger.
10:04
>> Uh, there's more crust on this side.
10:08
Yeah. [laughter]
10:12
So,
10:13
>> maybe if I measure
10:14
>> Oh, FOR GOD'S SAKE. Just pick a piece.
10:15
>> All right. pick that.
10:16
>> So, the [laughter] smaller piece.
10:18
>> Okay, there you go. Enjoy your half, my
10:21
friend. But that is it. No sharing, no
10:24
switching, and don't come crying to me
10:28
if you eat your piece too fast.
10:30
[cheering]
10:35
[laughter]
10:38
>> All right, you got to give me some of
10:43
your piece. Oh, no. No. No switching, no
10:44
sharing. And don't come crying to me.
10:48
I may just sit here and have my cake all
10:51
day. Just sit here in the hallway and
10:54
eat my
10:56
>> Oh, yay. Look, there's a piece that
11:03
doesn't have floor on it.
11:05
>> Stick to your side.
11:06
>> Come on now.
11:08
>> [laughter]
11:12
>> All right. What are we having?
11:21
>> Joe.
11:25
Full bag.
11:31
>> Beer's still cold.
11:34
Something terrible must have happened
11:39
here.
11:40
>> [laughter]
11:41
[laughter]
11:48
>> Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no.
11:50
Stevie, I was never here.
11:55
The chair. Now, if anybody asks, your
12:00
name is Rosita.
12:04
[laughter]
12:07
You don't like it?
12:12
>> No, I won't.
12:13
>> Even know
12:14
>> because I know when I'm like this. You
12:15
know what?
12:17
[laughter]
12:19
Poor thing cut down in her prime.
12:30
[laughter]
12:33
>> Joey, the new chair will be here in an
12:35
hour. Maybe we should actually move
12:37
Rosita out of here. You know, start the
12:38
healing process.
12:41
>> I guess you're right.
12:44
[laughter]
12:51
[laughter]
13:01
She's healed.
13:07
[laughter]
13:09
>> That's weird.
13:13
>> No, it's not weird. It's a miracle.
13:14
[laughter]
13:17
>> It's not a miracle, Joey. I'm sure
13:18
there's some explanation.
13:20
>> Oh, there is. If you want something
13:22
enough and your heart is pure, wonders,
13:23
things can happen. Let
13:25
>> that go. Okay. I mean, you were the most
13:26
beautiful woman in the room tonight.
13:29
Really?
13:32
>> Are you kidding? You're the most
13:33
beautiful woman in most rooms.
13:34
[laughter]
13:37
>> Whoa, whoa, whoa. What's going on? You
13:44
and I just made out. You and I are
13:46
making out.
13:47
>> Well, not anymore.
13:48
>> But we don't do that.
13:50
>> I know. I just thought it would be fun.
13:52
>> How drunk are you?
13:55
>> Drunk enough that I know I want to do
13:56
this. Not so drunk that you should feel
13:58
guilty about taking advantage.
14:00
[laughter]
14:02
>> That's a perfect amount.
14:03
[laughter]
14:07
[snorts]
14:09
>> You know what's weird?
14:12
>> What?
14:13
>> This doesn't feel weird.
14:14
>> I know.
14:15
>> You're a really good kisser.
14:16
>> Well, I have kissed over four women.
14:18
[laughter]
14:21
>> You want to get under the covers?
14:23
>> Okay.
14:25
>> [laughter]
14:31
>> Wow, you are really fast.
14:35
>> It bodess well for me that speed
14:37
impresses you. [laughter]
14:39
>> We're going to see each other naked.
14:42
>> Yep.
14:43
>> You want to do it at the same time?
14:45
>> Count of three.
14:46
>> One,
14:48
>> two,
14:49
>> two, three.
14:49
>> [laughter]
14:53
>> Well, I think it's safe to say that our
14:55
friendship is effectively ruined.
14:57
>> Ah, we weren't that close anyway.
14:59
>> What do you guys think?
15:03
>> Dude, [snorts]
15:06
I have never known love like this.
15:08
[laughter]
15:11
>> You really like it, [snorts]
15:12
>> dude?
15:13
How How did you write this?
15:16
>> I stole Monica's and changed the name.
15:18
Sh. [laughter]
15:19
You can't do that.
15:23
>> If he goes first, he can.
15:24
>> Hey guys.
15:30
>> Hey.
15:32
>> So,
15:33
what do you think?
15:34
>> Well, what?
15:37
>> Yeah. What
15:38
>> are you kidding? Okay, I'll give you a
15:39
hint. I'll give you a hand.
15:41
>> Eyes. No. No. Your eyes. No. Chandler's
15:46
eyes. [laughter]
15:49
I got glasses.
15:52
>> Well, you always had glasses.
15:53
>> No, I didn't.
15:59
>> Are you sure?
16:02
>> Yeah. Did Didn't you used to have a
16:04
pair? They were really round and
16:06
burgundy and they made you look kind of
16:08
um
16:10
>> feminine.
16:11
>> Yes.
16:11
>> No.
16:13
>> Sweetie, I think the glasses look great.
16:14
They make you look really sexy.
16:16
>> Really?
16:18
>> Yeah. And you didn't think I used to
16:18
wear glasses, right?
16:20
>> Of course.
16:21
>> Kind of glad they're leaving cuz uh I
16:27
need to talk to you about something.
16:30
>> What's up?
16:33
>> Well, this uh this may be a little
16:33
awkward.
16:35
>> Listen, if you want to borrow money,
16:36
it's kind of a bad time. I'm buying
16:37
dinner for 128 people tomorrow night.
16:38
[laughter]
16:40
>> It's it's not that. Um now, what I'm
16:42
going to say to you, I'm I'm not saying
16:45
as your friend, okay? I'm I'm saying it
16:46
as Monica's older brother.
16:49
>> But you're still my friend.
16:50
>> Not for the next few minutes.
16:51
>> During this time, are you are you still
16:54
my best man?
16:56
>> Nope.
16:58
>> Do I still call you Ross?
17:00
>> Okay.
17:01
[laughter]
17:03
You guys are getting married tomorrow.
17:04
And and I couldn't be more thrilled for
17:06
both of you. But as Monica's older
17:09
brother, I I have to tell you this.
17:12
If you ever hurt my little sister,
17:16
if you ever cause her any unhappiness of
17:20
any kind, I will hunt you down
17:24
and kick your ass.
17:28
[laughter]
17:33
>> What? I'm I'm I'm serious. [laughter]
17:37
>> Hey, dude. Stop it. Okay. I'm I'm not
17:42
kidding here.
17:44
>> Hey, I hear what you're saying. Okay.
17:44
And thanks for the warning.
17:46
>> No problem.
17:50
>> So, are we friends again?
17:52
>> Yeah.
17:55
>> Okay. [clears throat] You won't believe
17:55
what Monica's older brother just said to
17:58
me.
17:59
>> My god, you have to go. Why?
18:00
>> Because Chandler still has feelings for
18:06
you.
18:08
He does.
18:12
>> Say again.
18:14
>> That's right. That's right. And that is
18:16
why you can't stay here tonight and
18:19
probably why you shouldn't come to the
18:23
wedding.
18:24
>> Feeling such strong feelings.
18:26
[laughter]
18:29
>> I mean, I realize that his feelings may
18:30
never completely go away,
18:33
but you can.
18:35
Oh my god. I understand. I am so sorry.
18:39
I'll go.
18:45
>> Goodbye, Monica. I wish you a lifetime
18:52
of happiness with him.
18:56
Chandler,
18:59
you call me when this goes in the
19:01
pooper.
19:03
Do you realize that four weeks from
19:05
today we're getting married? Four weeks,
19:07
baby. Four weeks.
19:09
>> You realize that you get louder each
19:12
week?
19:14
>> There's still so much to do. Have you
19:16
written your vows yet?
19:18
>> I figured I'd just buy those. Pat, I'd
19:19
like to buy a vow. [laughter]
19:22
>> Sweetie, you know I have no sense of
19:25
humor when it comes to the wedding.
19:26
[laughter]
19:29
>> All right. So, [clears throat] have you
19:29
written yours yet? No, but I know
19:32
exactly what I'm going to say.
19:33
>> Do you happen to know exactly what I'm
19:35
going to say?
19:37
>> Let's just do it right now. Okay. It
19:40
won't be hard. Just say what's in your
19:42
heart.
19:44
Look at her go. She must love me more
19:52
than I love her.
19:54
What's wrong with me? Ooh, DON'T OPEN
19:56
THAT DOOR.
19:59
I'M SORRY. I thought maybe I'd make some
20:08
warm milk and it would help me sleep
20:11
>> with a walk.
20:13
[laughter]
20:15
>> Thought you were going to read my boring
20:16
book to put you to sleep.
20:17
>> It got interesting.
20:19
Damn you, Oprah.
20:21
[laughter]
20:24
>> Here, let me make the milk. I'm up
20:25
anyway.
20:27
>> Hey, you know what we could do? You
20:28
know, now that we're up, we could just
20:29
like talk to each other all night long,
20:31
you know, like we did when we were first
20:33
going out. It'd be fun.
20:34
>> Okay, that does sound fun.
20:36
>> Yeah. So, I mean, how bummed were you
20:37
when the second sister died? Huh?
20:40
>> The second sister dies. [laughter]
20:42
>> No,
20:49
[laughter]
20:51
no. Well, I I I was talking about the
20:52
book I was reading.
20:54
>> The second sister dies in Archie and Jug
20:55
Head Double Digest. [laughter]
20:57
>> That's correct.
21:01
>> We should all get dressed up and go to
21:04
have champagne at the plaza.
21:05
>> Oh, okay.
21:07
>> But I I I can't stay too long. I got to
21:09
get up early for a commercial audition
21:11
tomorrow and I got to look good.
21:12
Supposed to be playing a 19-year-old.
21:14
[laughter]
21:17
>> What? So, when you said get up early,
21:19
did you mean 1986?
21:22
>> You guys don't think I look 19?
21:26
[laughter]
21:29
>> Oh, 19. We thought you said 90.
21:30
[laughter]
21:34
>> Okay, everybody, LET'S GO. LET'S GO.
21:37
>> OKAY.
21:38
[laughter]
21:45
>> [laughter]
21:50
>> SUP.
21:53
>> SUP, DUDE.
21:58
Take whatever you want. Just please
22:00
don't hurt me.
22:02
[laughter]
22:04
It's like playing a little PlayStation,
22:05
huh?
22:06
That's whack. [laughter]
22:08
PlayStation
22:12
is whack.
22:13
>> [laughter]
22:15
>> Sup with the whack PlayStation sump.
22:17
Huh?
22:21
Come on. Am I 19 or what?
22:23
>> Yes. On a scale from 1 to 10, 10 being
22:25
the dumbest a person can look, you are
22:28
definitely 19.
22:31
>> Come on, man. Really? How old?
22:33
>> Young. You're a manchild. Okay. Now, go
22:35
get changed because everybody's ready.
22:38
And please Oh, please keep my underwear.
22:40
Oh, thanks.
22:44
>> Okay, [laughter]
22:45
now I can pass for 19, right?
22:47
>> Yes, you can pass for 19.
22:51
>> Really?
22:53
>> Yes.
22:53
>> Seriously? Seriously? Seriously? No.
22:54
Okay. You can play your own age, which
22:58
is 31.
23:00
[laughter]
23:03
>> I'm 30.
23:05
>> Joey, you are not. You're 31.
23:08
>> Oh crap. We
23:11
>> both finished our vows.
23:13
>> Oh,
23:15
>> can we read them?
23:15
>> Yeah, just as long as I don't hear
23:16
Taylor's and he doesn't hear mine. Okay.
23:18
>> Oh. Oh.
23:25
[laughter]
23:27
>> Oh, that's beautiful.
23:29
>> Funny one. That's a good one.
23:33
>> Monica, will you marry me?
23:36
[laughter]
23:40
>> What? I don't get it.
23:41
>> Oh yeah.
23:43
>> Oh man, this is hilarious.
23:47
>> Chandler,
23:49
>> don't worry honey. We'll make yours
23:51
funnier.
23:52
[music]
23:57
>> Hey, what are you guys doing?
23:58
>> Making holiday candy for the neighbors.
24:00
>> I'm sorry, who? [laughter]
24:03
>> I'm going to hang this basket on the
24:05
door and then when the neighbors walk
24:07
by, they can all take a piece.
24:08
But we don't know the neighbors.
24:12
>> I do. There's uh let's say guy with a
24:14
mustache,
24:16
smokes a lot lady,
24:18
kids I've seen, and a red-haired guy who
24:20
does not like to be called Rusty.
24:23
>> See, this is exactly why I'm making this
24:26
candy. We can learn their names and get
24:28
to know our neighbors.
24:30
>> Wouldn't it be easier if we just moved?
24:31
>> What's the matter?
24:35
>> Somebody on the subway licked my neck.
24:36
Lick my neck. [laughter]
24:38
>> Willie's still alive.
24:40
>> What are you guys doing?
24:43
>> Oh, my mom called. They're going to run
24:44
our engagement announcement in the local
24:45
paper. So, we're looking for a good
24:47
picture of us.
24:48
>> Ooh, I'm afraid that does not exist.
24:49
[laughter]
24:52
>> That's not true. They're great pictures
24:53
of us.
24:54
>> No, there are great pictures of you
24:55
standing next to a guy who's going like
24:56
this.
24:58
>> Oh my god. That's the creep that you're
25:00
with at the Statue of Liberty.
25:03
>> I don't know what it is. I just can't
25:06
take a good picture.
25:08
>> Here's a great one.
25:09
>> Yeah, I'm not in that.
25:11
>> I know, but look at me all tan.
25:12
[laughter] Hey, why don't you guys go
25:15
get portraits done by a professional
25:17
photographer?
25:18
>> It's a great idea. I bet they have one
25:19
of those wind machines, you know?
25:21
[laughter]
25:24
>> Yeah, that's great. Next to that,
25:25
Chandler won't look so stupid.
25:27
[laughter]
25:29
>> Jon, what do you say?
25:30
>> All right, but I should warn you, I'm
25:31
not going. I'm going.
25:33
Great. That's great, Monica. Great.
25:41
>> Now, Chandler, you want to give us a
25:45
smile?
25:47
>> Okay.
25:48
>> I'm sorry. Is the seat uncomfortable?
25:53
>> No, I am. [laughter]
25:55
>> Okay. I know you can do this. Okay. You
25:57
have a beautiful smile.
25:59
>> I do?
26:00
>> Yeah.
26:01
>> All right. Maybe you don't have to
26:05
smile. Let's try something else. Let's
26:06
try um try looking sexy.
26:07
>> Okay.
26:10
[laughter]
26:15
>> Or not.
26:18
>> I know. Let's try a look a far off
26:23
wonderment. Okay. We'll we'll gaze into
26:28
our future and we'll think about our
26:30
marriage and the days to come. Okay.
26:32
>> [laughter]
26:36
>> Chandler, what is the matter with your
26:40
face? Wait, this picture is supposed to
26:42
say Geller and being to be married, not
26:44
local woman saves drowning
26:47
[laughter]
26:50
Hey, don't laugh at him. He's my
26:51
drowning [laughter]
26:53
That's it. That's it. Take it. Take it.
26:56
I like this one. It seems to say I love
27:04
you and that's why I have to kill you.
27:07
[laughter]
27:11
>> Can't all be bad. Find the one where you
27:12
make your bedroom eyes.
27:15
>> Oh, there it is.
27:17
>> Oh my god, those are my bedroom eyes.
27:18
[laughter]
27:22
Why did you ever sleep with me?
27:22
>> Do you really want to pull at that
27:26
thread,
27:27
[laughter]
27:29
>> sweetie? That's a great smile. Easy,
27:30
natural. Now, pretend I have a camera.
27:33
[laughter]
27:37
>> Are you changing it?
27:38
>> I can't help it.
27:40
>> All right. All right. All right. All
27:41
right. All right. You want to know what
27:42
I do when I take resume shots?
27:43
>> Borrow money from me.
27:45
>> Yeah. Okay. First, first of all, you
27:48
want to make it look spontaneous, right?
27:51
Okay. So, here's what I do. I look down.
27:53
Look down. Keep looking down. Then I
27:56
look up.
27:58
See? All right. Now you try. Look down.
28:02
You're looking down. Keep looking down.
28:05
Why is there jelly on your shoe? I had a
28:07
donut.
28:10
[music]
28:13
>> Hey, there you are.
28:17
>> There I am.
28:17
>> You okay?
28:19
>> Yeah. Joey said I uh I needed to relax,
28:20
so he gave me an antihistamine.
28:23
[laughter]
28:25
Yeah. And I fell asleep on the subway
28:26
and went all the way to Brooklyn.
28:28
Brooklyn is far. [laughter]
28:30
>> Yeah. Jaylen, what were you thinking?
28:33
>> No, no, but don't worry. Don't worry
28:34
because I know how to take a picture
28:36
now. Okay. See? Look down.
28:38
Look down.
28:43
Look down.
28:45
[laughter]
28:49
>> Chandler.
28:52
>> Yeah.
28:53
Guys, check it out. My mom sent me the
28:58
paper. Oh, that's cute. Okay.
29:00
>> Oh, yeah. That looks good.
29:04
>> Well, you guys make a very attractive
29:06
couple.
29:08
[laughter]
29:10
>> Yeah, we look great together.
29:11
>> We really do.
29:14
>> Okay.
29:16
>> Wow. Imagine what our kids would look
29:17
like.
29:19
>> You know, we don't have to imagine.
29:20
>> [laughter]
29:23
>> I'm marrying her. We'll just see.
29:24
>> Hey, guess what I got for your wedding?
29:29
>> A freakishly thin date with a hanger for
29:32
a head. [laughter]
29:34
>> No, Rachel hooked me up with a tux. But
29:36
not just any tux. Batman's tux.
29:38
[laughter]
29:42
>> That's right. Made expressly for Val
29:43
Kilmer and worn by him in the hit film,
29:45
that Batman film he was in.
29:49
>> [laughter]
29:52
>> You can't wear that. I'm wearing the
29:52
famous tux. James Bond's tux.
29:54
>> So
29:56
>> So if you wear that, it'll make mine
29:56
less special.
29:58
>> Well, you need something to make this
30:00
date special. Hello. You have the most
30:02
special thing of all. You are marrying
30:04
the woman you love.
30:08
[laughter]
30:12
>> Please don't take away my cool thing.
30:14
Please. Pretty please.
30:15
>> Pretty please. Not very uh 007.
30:17
>> [laughter]
30:20
>> Look, it's my wedding day, okay? If you
30:21
were getting married, I would never do
30:23
anything to upset you.
30:24
>> When I got married, you slept with my
30:25
sister.
30:27
>> That was pretty 007.
30:27
>> Hello all.
30:30
>> Hi, Dad.
30:32
>> Hi, Mr. Bing.
30:36
[laughter]
30:39
>> Nora,
30:40
>> Charles,
30:42
it's so great to see you both here. Yes.
30:45
Although I think we may be seeing a
30:48
little too much of some people.
30:50
[laughter]
30:53
>> Aren't you a little old to be wearing a
30:54
dress like that?
30:57
>> Don't you have a little too much penis
30:58
to be wearing a dress like that?
31:00
[laughter]
31:02
>> Oh my god.
31:04
>> So, the wedding caterer sent me this
31:10
list of 12 appetizers and I have to
31:11
narrow it down to six.
31:13
>> Food. Oh, give me
31:15
>> So, did Monica tell you about this great
31:17
band called the Swing Kings that we're
31:19
trying to get to play for the wedding?
31:21
>> Since when are you into swing music?
31:22
>> Oh, since forever. I used to go all over
31:24
town listening to bands.
31:27
>> Taylor
31:28
>> Gap commercial.
31:30
[laughter]
31:33
>> So, did you book them? Did you call?
31:34
>> I will.
31:36
>> Do you want me to call?
31:37
>> No, I'll do it. You just stick to your
31:39
job.
31:41
>> What is your job?
31:42
>> Staying out of the way.
31:43
This is impossible. Monica, why don't
31:46
you just pick off 15?
31:48
>> There were only 12.
31:50
>> Oh, yeah. I added three.
31:51
>> What are peanut butter fingers?
31:54
[laughter]
31:59
>> Did you uh find anyone to marry you guys
32:02
there?
32:04
>> No, but horny for Monica Minister called
32:04
>> wanting to know if we were still
32:09
together.
32:10
>> We're never going to find anybody. Well,
32:12
then let me do it,
32:14
>> Joe.
32:15
>> No, no, no. Look, I've been thinking
32:16
about it. I'm an actor, right? So, I
32:17
won't get nervous talking in front of
32:19
people. I won't spit and I won't stare
32:20
at Monica's breasts.
32:22
>> You know, everyone knows I'm an assman.
32:25
>> That is true.
32:29
>> Yeah. And the most important thing is it
32:30
won't be some like stranger up there who
32:32
barely knows you. It'll be me. And I
32:34
swear I'll do a really good job. Plus,
32:36
you know, I love you guys and and it
32:40
would really mean a lot to me.
32:41
might be kind of cool.
32:45
>> So, I can do it?
32:46
>> Yeah, you can do it.
32:47
>> All right. You know, [laughter]
32:48
really?
32:51
>> Okay. Okay. I got to get started on my
32:52
speech. Oh, wait a minute.
32:53
Internet ministers can still have sex,
32:56
right?
32:58
>> Hey.
32:59
>> Hey.
33:00
>> You know, I'm I'm really glad we decided
33:01
not to sleep together before the
33:02
wedding.
33:04
>> Oh, boy. Me, too. [laughter]
33:05
>> You know, I was thinking if we had a a
33:07
big fight
33:09
>> and uh we broke up for a few hours.
33:11
Yeah,
33:13
>> technically we could have sex again.
33:13
>> What do you think? Bossy and doineering.
33:18
>> The wedding is off. Sloppy and immature.
33:20
>> That's me. Come on.
33:23
My cousin Cassy's in the guest room.
33:26
We're supposed to have lunch.
33:27
>> Well, get rid of her. Obsessive and
33:28
shrill.
33:30
>> Shrill. The wedding is back on.
33:32
>> She's sleeping.
33:37
>> I know. Just quick quick question. Quick
33:41
question. Which one was Deep Impact and
33:43
which one was Armageddon?
33:46
>> Deep Impact was the one with Robert
33:51
Dval. Armageddon is what's going to
33:53
happen to you if you wake me up.
33:56
>> Sorry, I just can't sleep.
33:59
Where is that book that you were reading
34:07
with the two women who were ice skating
34:09
and wearing wearing those hats with the
34:11
flowers on it? Because every time I look
34:13
at that cover, I'm like,
34:15
>> it is in the living room where there is
34:19
also a light and no one will kick you in
34:21
the shin. [laughter]
34:24
>> What? Ow.
34:27
>> Thanks,
34:29
Dearly beloved, I'm sorry I'm a little
34:32
late.
34:35
May be confused by this now, but you
34:39
won't be Memorial Day weekend 2002.
34:42
[laughter]
34:46
Well, let's get started before the groom
34:49
takes off again. Huh?
34:51
>> [laughter]
34:57
>> We are gathered here today
34:59
to join this man
35:01
and this woman in the bonds of holy
35:04
matrimony.
35:07
I have known Monica and Chandler for a
35:09
long time and I cannot imagine two
35:11
people more perfect for each other.
35:15
And now,
35:21
as I've left my notes in my dressing
35:23
room,
35:25
we shall proceed to the vows. Monica,
35:27
he took off. Go on. Go on.
35:32
[laughter]
35:35
Chandler.
35:40
For so long, I I wondered if I would
35:42
ever find my prince,
35:46
my soulmate.
35:49
Then three years ago, at another
35:51
wedding, I turned to a friend for
35:52
comfort.
35:55
And instead, I found everything that I'd
35:57
ever been looking for my whole life.
35:59
And now
36:05
here we are
36:08
with our future before us.
36:10
And I only want to spend it with you,
36:14
my prince,
36:18
my soulmate,
36:20
my friend.
36:23
Unless you don't want to.
36:27
You go, [laughter]
36:32
>> Chandler.
36:35
That's okay.
36:38
I thought this was going to be the most
36:44
difficult thing I ever had to do.
36:46
But when I saw you walking down that
36:50
aisle, I realized how simple it was.
36:51
I love you. Any surprises that come our
36:57
way, it's okay because I will always
37:02
love you.
37:04
You are the person I was meant to spend
37:08
the rest of my life with.
37:09
You want to know if I'm sure?
37:12
You may now kiss the bride. [laughter]
37:18
So,
37:23
I guess by the powers vested in me by
37:25
the state of New York and the internet
37:27
guys,
37:29
I now pronounce you husband and wife.
37:33
Oh, wait.
37:38
Do you take each other?
37:39
>> I do.
37:41
>> I do.
37:42
>> Yeah, you do.
37:43
[laughter]
37:45
>> Rings. Oh, crap. Okay. Um, [laughter]
37:46
let's do the rings.
37:51
We good? Yeah. Good. [laughter]
38:04
Once again, I pronounce you husband and
38:08
wife. I guess there we go.
38:12
[laughter]
38:16
Who is that?
38:22
>> Don't worry. I'm brave. I am brave. I I
38:24
am brave.
38:27
>> Oh, no. No, no, no, no.
38:30
>> Can you tell me who is there, please?
38:33
[laughter]
38:36
>> My name's Gary. I live upstairs.
38:36
>> Hi.
38:41
>> Hi. Do you know what time it is?
38:42
>> It's candy time. [laughter] My roommate
38:44
says that they taste like little drops
38:47
of heaven.
38:49
>> Oh, please.
38:50
>> Did you hear that? Little drops of
38:52
heaven.
38:54
>> 4:00 a.m. [laughter]
38:57
>> So, can I get some candy?
38:59
>> I am sorry, but some of us have to get
39:01
up early and go to work. He does not
39:03
know that I am not some of us.
39:06
[laughter]
39:09
>> Um, listen, I'm sorry, but I I'll put
39:11
some out first thing in the morning.
39:13
>> Well, okay. Yeah, I'll swing by later.
39:14
You live in this building?
39:17
Seems like I would have remembered you
39:20
[laughter]
39:24
night g.
39:25
>> What is that?
39:35
>> I think it's the dying cat parade.
39:37
>> Sounds like it's coming from across the
39:41
street.
39:43
Oh my god.
39:45
>> What?
39:47
>> You know that thing that Ross was going
39:48
to do at our wedding? He was hanging out
39:49
with me yesterday and he turned to me
39:51
and he said, "You're half Scottish,
39:52
right?"
39:54
>> No, there is no way to not be Ross.
39:55
[laughter]
40:06
>> Why is your family Scottish?
40:08
Why is your family Ross?
40:11
>> You cannot play our wedding. I mean,
40:15
everyone will leave. I mean, come on.
40:17
That is just noise.
40:19
It's not even a song.
40:22
If you listen very carefully, I think
40:25
it's celebration by calling the gang.
40:28
[laughter]
40:31
[music]
40:32
>> Well, I feel like a snack.
40:36
>> Do you want some shortbread? It's
40:38
Scottish like you are.
40:40
>> Oh, no thanks. I don't like anything
40:43
from my Scottish heritage. What?
40:45
[laughter]
40:48
>> Well, just my entire family was run out
40:49
of Scotland by
40:51
Vikings.
40:54
[laughter]
40:56
>> Well, it sounds to me like your family
40:57
is ready to uh rediscover its Scottish
40:58
roots.
41:01
>> You can't play bag pipes at the wedding.
41:02
[laughter]
41:04
>> How did you know about that? We heard
41:06
you play all the way from your
41:08
apartment.
41:09
>> Were you the ones who called the cops?
41:10
>> That's not really important right now.
41:14
>> What is important is while we appreciate
41:16
the gesture, we just don't feel that bag
41:18
pipes are appropriate for our wedding.
41:21
>> Why not?
41:24
>> Because we hate them.
41:25
>> Just just give me a chance to perform
41:27
for you and then decide whatever you
41:29
want. And I'm not going to tell you what
41:31
song I'm going to play either, but uh
41:33
let's just say when it's over, I'll bet
41:36
there'll be a wee bit of celebration.
41:38
Remember, I'm I'm still learning.
41:45
One, two, three, four.
41:57
>> [music]
42:02
[music]
42:11
[cheering]
42:15
>> You know the song. Sing along.
42:18
[laughter]
42:20
>> [laughter]
42:34
>> So
42:37
No.
42:39
No.
42:42
Lyrics & Translation
Coming Soon!
We're updating this section. Stay tuned!
Key Vocabulary
Start Practicing
| Vocabulary | Meanings |
|---|---|
|
bonding /ˈbɒn.dɪŋ/ B2 |
|
|
steam /stiːm/ A2 |
|
|
allergic /əˈlɜː.dʒɪk/ B1 |
|
|
embarrassed /ɪmˈbær.ɪst/ B2 |
|
|
lawyer /ˈlɔɪ.ər/ B1 |
|
|
marriage /ˈmær.ɪdʒ/ B1 |
|
|
miracle /ˈmɪr.ə.kəl/ B2 |
|
|
awkward /ˈɔː.kwəd/ B1 |
|
|
squirrel /ˈskwɪr.əl/ A2 |
|
|
laughter /ˈlæf.tər/ A2 |
|
|
comfort /ˈkʌm.fɚt/ B1 |
|
|
wedding /ˈwɛd.ɪŋ/ A2 |
|
|
celebration /ˌsɛl.ɪˈbreɪ.ʃən/ B2 |
|
|
horrifying /ˈhɔː.rɪ.faɪ.ɪŋ/ C1 |
|
|
legal /ˈliː.gəl/ B2 |
|
Are there any new words in “” you don’t know yet?
💡 Hint: bonding, steam… Jump into the app and start learning now!
Key Grammar Structures
-
Hey. How was it? Well, I had a great time. Um, Chanty on the other hand, I will tell the story.
➔ Present Perfect (have + past participle)
➔ The phrase "I had a great time" uses the present perfect to describe an action that occurred in the past but is relevant to the present.
-
It was going great. I let him win. We were bonding.
➔ Past Continuous (was/were + -ing)
➔ The phrase "It was going great" and "We were bonding" use the past continuous to describe ongoing actions in the past.
-
He even said that I could call him Dad.
➔ Modal Verb (could)
➔ The modal verb "could" is used to express possibility or permission in the past.
-
And what did he ask you not to call him?
➔ Indirect Question
➔ The sentence is an indirect question, where the question is embedded within a statement.
-
All right. Look, here's the story.
➔ Tag Question
➔ The phrase "All right?" is a tag question used to seek confirmation or agreement.
-
Well, we had just finished playing raetball and we were going to take a steam.
➔ Past Perfect (had + past participle)
➔ The phrase "we had just finished" uses the past perfect to indicate an action completed before another past action.
-
So, I take off my glasses and that's when it happened.
➔ Relative Pronoun (that)
➔ The relative pronoun "that" is used to introduce a clause that describes a previously mentioned event.
-
Guys, over here. Have a seat, son.
➔ Imperative Mood
➔ The phrase "Have a seat" is in the imperative mood, used to give a direct command.
-
You gave my father a lap dance.
➔ Past Simple (gave)
➔ The verb "gave" is in the past simple, used to describe a completed action in the past.
-
Why do they put so much steam in there?
➔ Present Simple (do) in Questions
➔ The verb "do" is used in the present simple to form a question, asking about a habitual action.
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