– English Lyrics

Lyrics & Translation

[English]

(popping)

- This is not friends.

No!

Not, no, the photo!

- Oh, ha ha!

I was genuinely gonna show you my dick!

(laughter)

I love Drunk Advice.

(funky hip-hop instrumental music)

- Very special episode of Drunk Advice today.

Not just because Riyadh is here.

- Oh hi!

- But because our alcohol has been provided

by bloody Chelsea Handler and Netflix, what?

- What the fuck!

Can I swear?

- Yeah.

- Okay, fuck!

- "Here's a few supplies for the next Drunk Advice video,

on me."

From Chelsea, oh, Chelsea Handler!

- You're like basically best mates.

- She's, oh.

- Do you want to pop this baby?

- I'm not adult enough.

Are we gonna break something?

- I want to watch you try it.

- No but, I don't think I can.

- Okay peel it back, gently, gently, ah, ow!

Very rough!

Perfect, keep going, it's not gonna pop.

Now this is the fun part.

Grasp it tightly.

Fuck, away from my face.

(gasping)

- Where's your glass, where the fuck's your glass?

- I got it.

Now I'm gonna have to get it in my mouth.

(laughter)

- No, no no.

- Oooh, hello.

- [Both] Cheers. (laughter)

- There are three rules to Drunk Advice.

Rule number one, be drunk.

If you don't drink, be in the spirit of drunk.

- Oh!

Rule number two.

- Rule number two, have a friend with you!

- Ah!

Oh.

I grazed your tit, I'm so not sorry.

- Tits.

(popping)

- Shit, I got over-excited.

No, but the reason I said it is because,

(gasping)

They are fucking,

magnificent.

- Rule number three,

don't take our advice.

- Don't do it.

- Mmm-mm-mmmm.

- Don't.

It will only lead to bad things.

- We tweeted, asking what you needed help with,

and we're gonna help you.

- Try to.

Hannah Witton, Riyadh K.

Advice on how to kiss?

- No, oh my god, you literally just read that out

because you want to make out with me.

- No, it's real!

Don't worry honey, I don't wanna kiss you either.

Well I kinda do.

Okay, so my advice on how to kiss is,

go in the speed of the other person.

And if you feel at any point,

like you've got a chunk of food floating around,

or, you know, there's like, somethin' is comin' up,

like it's gassy, or whatever,

just go, oh oh, I have to take a call!

Or something.

- Don't go in with an open mouth.

- No, start closed.

And then gently open, and open, and open.

And then,

drop hand.

Watch your friends kiss, and monitor what that looks like,

and sense we're your friends.

- Oh my god! (laughing)

- See it was a good segue.

That was a really good segue, wasn't it?

- You're determined, you're determined.

- Come on, you know you want to.

- Aw, thanks.

(giggling)

How do you know the difference flirting and banter?

- Oh, oh!

Hannah and I have this thing that,

if there's a drop of alcohol,

not even consumed but in our vicinity, (laughter)

we instantly turn into

sexual banter.

What is sexual banter?

- I thought you were gonna say savages,

and I would have agreed with you.

- Well that too.

What is this thing that we have?

It's very unusual, I've never had it

with another woman, ever.

- I've never had it with another gay man.

- I know.

We have a special bond.

I like small men.

(snorting)

She's a small woman.

She's my perfect size.

How do I tell my ex to fuck off,

when he keeps hinting that he's still interested?

- Oh I know, send him this video.

Alright. (laughter)

Alright, okay.

- And tell him the time code, of this specific moment.

(clearing throat)

Come a little closer, come on.

- Alright ex.

Fuck!

Off!

- You! Off!

(laughter)

How to deal with exam stress.

Don't study.

Don't give a fuck.

And just arrive, and then leave,

I did.

- As a massive nerd and teacher's pet,

I'm gonna have to wholeheartedly disagree with you.

- Can you suggest any alternative date ideas?

Oh.

I brought a guy to see Les Miserables.

You know, the musical, in London's West End?

- Why would you do that?

- Because it's emotional, and there's like songs--

- Yeah, but it's like, the wrong kind of emotional.

- No no no, no, 'cause there's that song.

- For a date?

- No there's that song that goes--

- Take your date to see Wicked.

- On my own--

- Yeah yeah.

- Pretend that he's beside me.

- Did you like hold hands during that?

- And then he took my hand, for that song,

and I knew he would do it in that moment,

and did he do it?

He did.

So I am--

- Oh my god, you emotionally manipulated him with Les Mis.

- Well, it worked.

♫ Pretending he's

♫ Beside me

♫ All alone

♫ I walk with him till morning

♫ Without him

♫ I feel his arms around me

♫ And when I lose my way I close my eyes

♫ And he has found me ♫

- Someone,

(gasps) Tinder.

Oh my god, let's read, Riyadh's Tinder messages.

- Oh no.

- Ha, uh, uh!

Harrison, who's Harrison?

- He's a guy that I wrote to that I really--

- Gimme, gimme.

- So this guy, I've been so attracted to,

for about four days, I've been like--

- Four whole days!

Where's Tinder?

Harrison.

- What did he say, what did he say?

- Riyadh goes, "I'm from Dublin, but moved here in Feb.

"Love it so far, based in the lovable Cobham, you?

"Also, you're unbelievably handsome.

"I thought you should know that."

That's really smooth.

- Is it, okay.

- Yeah, I like it.

And then, Harrison has just replied.

Just right now!

This is live, it's happening live!

- I haven't seen it.

- "Oh, very nice, I'll have to swing by sometime.

"I'm based in Wimbledon, so not a million miles away.

"Oh, stop.

"You're making me blush."

And then the blushing emoji.

- But he didn't tell me I'm handsome.

- No he didn't, 'cause that means he thinks you're fugly.

- Well he's a fuckin' dickhead.

I'm gettin' very, very horny.

- What!

I wanna text someone.

- But that's,

he wrote another one. (gasping)

- [Both] Harrison!

(laughter)

- Oh and he complimented you back, yay!

- What did he say?

- "And you're pretty cute, not gonna lie,

"and if you give me your number,

"I'd definitely consider texting you back."

- Oh my god I'm dead.

I'm fucking dead, oh god.

- Can I give him your number?

- Yeah do it.

- Do you use proper grammar when you're texting?

- Yes.

- Okay.

- So he said "I'd definitely consider texting you back,"

so I'm gonna be like, consider this:

and your number.

- Consider this, and then a winky emoji.

- [Hannah] Okay.

- And then the number.

- Okay, we're done!

Bye Harrison!

More updates on this later!

- Holy fuck, I could have a boyfriend.

- The people need our help.

(screaming)

- He literally just sent it!

Oh my god, don't show his number!

- Hold on, he said--

- Consider it done.

Ooh, I'm fucking--

- I'm queefing.

He did not wait around, did he?

- He did not wait, he is considering it, hard.

I think you're over me.

- I kind of am.

- Yeah. (laughter)

How do I get a boyfriend?

How?

Like, do I buy one?

- You can.

Believe me, I know.

- I feel like this is something you would know about.

- Does that feel good?

- It actually feels really nice.

(purring)

- Oh, no!

Tickle, tickle.

How to make sexy selfies.

- It's hard.

Okay, I would say, go higher,

don't go, never below eye level.

- Never.

- 'Cause you're gettin' a bit of a jaw line.

- Gettin' my cleavage.

- You're gettin' boobs.

- Whatever makes you feel sexy,

and that will be your sexy picture.

Are we actually taking it?

- Yeah.

- By sexy selfie, if you mean like a nude photo.

- Oh!

Um, again, lighting.

And angles.

Never, ever, ever head, in the picture.

Even if they are, like, your husband, or your wife.

Never send your head in a picture.

Okay, I'm gonna put my hands up.

I sent a filthy picture to someone, last week.

- Of your head?

With your head in it?

- Well my head was in it, but not that one.

- Ey-oh!

- Oh! Oh! Oh!

- Can I see?

- I'm gonna show you my dick.

- Oh my god.

- Do you wanna see it?

- Yeah, I've shown you me naked, in that photo.

- You haven't shown me your vagina.

Yes, I--

- And then you said I looked really fertile in it.

- Yes, yeah, well your tits were like,

they're wide and,

you were like plump and, (blows lips).

- Oh!

- I made a horse sound, why?

I don't know. (laughter)

I might as well have gone, moo!

There's a lot goin' on in it.

- Oh!

- This is like, half done.

This is like--

- So a semi?

- This is like a semi, a good semi though.

- A good semi, so like a 3/4,

okay, great.

Ooh, it's a penis. (laughs)

Are you turned on by your own penis?

- Yeah.

I am drunker than I thought I was.

- Best things to do right after a breakup.

- Oooh, Adele.

Adele, Adele, Adele, Adele, Adele, Adele, Adele, Adele.

♫ All I ask

♫ Is if

♫ This is my last night with you

♫ Hold me like we're more than just good friends

♫ Give me a memory I can use

♫ Take me by the hand

♫ While we do what lovers do ♫

So it's about basically saying goodbye,

but before we say goodbye, can you just like hold me--

- Fuck me one more time.

Let's do one more.

One more, last one!

Riyadh, you pick it.

Last,

one!

Make it a good one!

- How do I motivate myself to exercise

when I don't want to exercise?

Masturbation.

It's the exercise that gives something back!

(laughter)

Basically.

The act of coming, and all those like muscles going,

(grunting)

and then releasing, has to burn some calories.

- Yeah, you're not,

okay, and on that note,

thank you for watching Drunk Advice.

Thanks Riyadh for being my lovely special guest

this evening.

- Oh well darlin' it's been fabulous being here.

- We did a video over on Riyadh's channel,

where we read mean comments.

- Very mean comments.

- From our YouTube videos, that was fun.

Well as usual, please give the video a thumbs up

if you enjoyed it.

Please leave your own shitty advice

in the comments, and don't forget to subscribe,

'cause I make new videos every week.

And we'll see you soon, bye!

- Bye loves!

Bye bye bye, bye bye bye!

(funky hip-hop instrumental music)

Key Vocabulary

Vocabulary	Meanings
genuinely /ˈdʒenjuɪnli/ B2	adverb - in a sincere and honest way
episode /ˈepɪsoʊd/ B1	noun - a part of a series of broadcasts or published works
provided /prəˈvaɪdɪd/ B1	verb - make something available to someone
basically /ˈbeɪsɪkli/ A2	adverb - fundamentally or essentially
mates /meɪts/ A2	noun - friends
adult /ˈædʌlt/ A2	adjective - grown up
roughly /ˈrʌfli/ B1	adverb - approximately
gently /ˈdʒentli/ A2	adverb - in a mild, careful, or soft manner
spirit /ˈspɪrɪt/ B1	noun - the nonphysical part of a person
magnificent /mæɡˈnɪfɪsənt/ C1	adjective - extremely beautiful, elaborate, or impressive
graze /ɡreɪz/ B1	verb - to touch lightly in passing
monitor /ˈmɑnɪtər/ B2	verb - observe and check the progress or quality of (something) over a period of time
bond /bɑnd/ B1	noun - a close connection
manipulated /məˈnɪpjuleɪtɪd/ C1	verb - control or influence (a person or situation) cleverly, unfairly, or unscrupulously
vicinity /vɪˈsɪnɪti/ B2	noun - the area near or surrounding a particular place
savage /ˈsævɪdʒ/ B2	adjective - fierce, violent, or untamed
fertile /ˈfɜrtəl/ B2	adjective - producing or capable of producing an abundance of offspring or new growth

Key Grammar Structures

• I was genuinely gonna show you my dick!

  ➔ Future with 'gonna' (going to)

  ➔ The use of 'gonna' indicates a spontaneous decision or intention to do something in the near future. It's less formal than 'will'. The sentence uses a direct, informal expression.

• Rule number one, be drunk.

  ➔ Imperative mood

  ➔ The sentence uses the imperative mood to give a direct command or instruction: 'be drunk'. It's a concise and forceful way to state a rule.

• I kinda do.

  ➔ Contraction and informal language ('kinda')

  ➔ The use of 'kinda' is a colloquial contraction of 'kind of'. It softens the statement and makes it less direct. It's typical of casual conversation.

• Don't take our advice.

  ➔ Negative imperative

  ➔ This is a direct command *not* to do something. The structure 'Don't + base verb' is the standard way to form a negative imperative.

• And if you feel at any point, like you've got a chunk of food floating around...

  ➔ Conditional clause ('if you feel...') and use of 'like' as a filler/discourse marker

  ➔ The 'if' clause introduces a hypothetical situation. The word 'like' is used informally to introduce a description or comparison, functioning as a discourse marker to soften the statement. The phrase 'at any point' indicates the possibility of this happening at any time.