– English Lyrics

Lyrics & Translation

[English]

...

Welcome back to Rock the Promo, I'm your host, Joe Santagato.

...

If you don't know, Rock the Promo

is a weekly competition where contestants

lay the verbal smack-down on each other until one remains.

Thousands of people submitted their own wrestling promos,

but most of them sucked.

So the Rock handpicked 32 of them

to battle it out in a single elimination bracket,

to find out who's the champion.

We're looking at the bottom left side of the bracket.

We got four match ups, and they're

going head to head with their original submissions.

And I cannot wait to see how dumb this gets.

Before we get to our guest judge,

I just want to remind you that contestants

will be judged on the three C's, character, comedy, and costume.

I'm not going to explain what those are, because I've already

done enough talking.

She's a former WWE superstar, fan general manager,

and she's a notorious cougar.

Cover your dicks, guys.

And welcome Vickie Guerrero to the show.

Hi, Joe.

How are you?

It's rather warm in here, can I get some water?

Excuse me!

Can I get some water?

Sorry, Joe.

I am honored to have one of the most hated people in wrestling

on the show.

Thank you for the compliment, and I'm

excited to see who the big winner's going to be.

All right, let's get started.

Brown Butter versus Gruesome Greggy.

The cupcake, Dwayne Johnson beating Brown Butter

to the punch with a promo cutters.

Never mind that Brown Butter's been

working on a top secret pro-wrestling video

plan for ages.

That Brown Butter approached the cupcake's manager

and spoke with the cupcake's mother.

Never mind that the cupcake became a world famous pastry

with barely any help from Brown Butter.

Just licensing, ticketing, Brown Butter makes everything better.

So you can cupcake the promo all you want, Dwayne.

But until you invite me into the kitchen, my sweet little sugar

muffin, your belly will be done to the flutter

of sweet, sweet Brown Butter.

So says the Brown Butsy, so says Brown Butter.

This guy looks like a Russian mafia boss.

And what the hell was that thing at the end, where he's like,

Brown Butter.

What are you doing, buddy?

By the way, good luck with your guest

spot on Narcos season two.

Brown Butter was one of my favorites.

I mean, who does not want to talk about cupcakes?

The only thing that I didn't like,

was that the lighting was a little dark on his face.

So I kind of lost his eye contact.

But I loved his words, flutter to sweet butter?

I mean, I want to go have cupcakes.

So Joe, you want to hang with me?

And we'll go grab some after this.

Let's move on to Gruesome Greggy.

Dwayne the Rock Johnson, you're telling me, Gruesome Greggy,

that you're going to have a Rock the Promo competition,

and not invite the two time BYWF champion?

Not invite the three time, game award winning journalist?

That's how you want to play it, Rock?

I haven't seen such a bad decision making skills with you

since Doom.

Now, here's what I'm going to have you do, Rock.

Pick up your pretty little finger

that hasn't done an honest day's work in god knows how long,

and click yes.

Yes, I want to see Gruesome Greggy in the Rock

the Promo competition.

Are you kidding me?

Yes, I want to see the president team fat in this competition.

And if you don't, Rock, if you don't, I'm

going to be pretty sad.

And I'd really like to do this, I like your work.

Greggy ain't fucking around.

This guy has all kinds of shit going on.

He's got a blazer with elbow pads over it,

and then a belly shirt.

I didn't want to bring us up, but I couldn't help but notice,

because you're wearing a belly shirt.

But you look exactly like Seth Rogen from the neck down.

I wasn't sure if Gruesome Greggy was going to a training session

or to a business meeting.

Where is your mind?

If you next time could take your glasses off,

because you were getting kind of sentimental

that the Rock didn't personally invite you to the competition.

Let him feel that heartache, that you were really

just butt hurt about this.

But still, a great job.

All right, Vicky.

Who's moving on, and who's having whiskey for breakfast?

Brown Butter.

Brown Butter, you had great eye contact,

and I love how you portrayed the cupcake.

Awesome job.

Congratulations, Brown Butter.

Let's move on.

Sandra Demolish versus Beef Swellington.

Hi fans, we're here today with Sandra--

Demolish!

She And that's what I'm going to do you.

I'm going to demolish every one of you, everyone you love,

every one you thought you were, everyone you thought you could

be, you're going down.

[? Somebody ?] on top.

I'm going to take you to a library

that you didn't know existed.

A library in the depths of town, underground.

You're gonna read a book, you're gonna end the book,

and you're gonna be demolished.

All right, Sandra, when are you going to become champion?

The grand champion?

The grand champion?

I'm the only champion that matters, because I'm

the only champion that exists.

I'm the only champion that ever will be.

You remember that.

Thank you, Sandy.

USA, USA, USA, yeah.

Thank you so much Sandy for the interview.

It was--

It's Sandra day, mother trucker!

Woah!

[YELLS] I'll come for you.

I'm going to come for all the people you know,

you're going to be demolished.

Sandra Demolish reminds me of a drunk chick on the 4th of July.

Like you know when chicks get drunk,

and their voice gets deep, it's like, [SOUND EFFECTS].

Becky!

Where's my shoes!

Sandra Demolish was a winner in my book.

She showed confidence and empowerment in this promo.

The glasses, the top hat, the little business coat,

she looked classy, but then she was

ready to kick someone's ass.

Talking in a room, sometimes your audio will get lost,

and I was kind of sad about that.

Because I wanted to hear all your words.

Whenever you went up into the camera lens,

and you want to let everyone know that you're

out to get them, I loved it.

That shows that you're bringing your audience into your space,

and you brought me in.

I am just giving you total props.

Good job.

Let's see if Beef Swellington is on the same amount of cocaine

as Sandra Demolish.

You will see on tonight's edition of the chopping block,

the most choice.

One man meets your Beef Swellington.

Down for pound, choices cut to town,

this is going to be a real problem if you think some jumbo

bologna [? resolant ?] whack job is going to stay between me

and that championship belt. Because when the salt

and the [? sea ?] sets foot in that squared circle,

and I finish tenderizing that 80-20 piece of ground chunk.

He's going to drag his ass back to his old lady's house.

And she's not going to be asking if you won the competition.

She's not gonna be asking if he's ever going

to step in the ring again.

All she's going to want to know is where's the beef?

And I'm gonna tell you something right now, that's

the butcher's cut, Chuck.

All right.

Beef Swellington is out of his fucking mind, clearly.

By the way, if you're wondering where

your angry ex-boyfriend from high school went, here he is.

He's selling Costco knives.

Beef Swellington.

I thought he was going to pick up that cleaver

and fucking cut somebody.

That would have made the whole thing perfect.

Vicky, what do you think?

Beef Swellington was great in the kitchen,

I'm not sure if the women really wanted

to know where his beef was.

Use your surroundings.

I wanted to see you use your props instead of just

the spatula as a microphone.

That kind of made you look a little weak.

And also, whenever you're talking,

you kind of went a little fast.

And I kind of lost what you were trying to say.

But the kitchen scenery, and showing the chef part of you,

was a great idea.

And we'll see what happens?

All right, Vicky.

Who's moving on, and who's going to be

in desperate need of counseling?

Sandra Demolish.

Woman power, girl.

Great job.

I wish you the best.

Congratulations, Sandra.

Tell your boyfriend to shave his mustache, he looks ridiculous.

OK, moving on.

The Cascadian Devil versus Wrestling Fred.

Erick Jones, the Cascadian Devil.

[GROWLING] Portland, Oregon is my city, is my home.

I'm sick and tired of you posers coming into my city

from all over the country, thinking that it's the hip,

trendy destination.

So let me be clear.

You think you can come to my city

and show me how to do things?

You're going to find yourself with a whole mess of problems.

The Doug Fir and the Ponderosa Pine

are going to come crashing down on you, like Bigfoot

on a bender.

This guy looks like he definitely shoved kids

in lockers in high school.

And you know, it's fitting that he's doing this promo contest.

Because this is exactly where everyone thought

he would end up.

After one or two grunts, I was wondering

if you were gonna have a baby.

[GROWLING]

[BABY CRYING]

You portray the lumberjack and you have the arms and the hat,

I would have liked to see you maybe

be outside, around some trees.

Use your surroundings to make it more effective on your promo,

but good job.

Let's see what Wrestling Fred has to offer.

Are you guys ever afraid to yawn in public

because you think some youngster's gonna

come by and spit your mouth?

What?

We're on now?

Hey, everybody.

It's Wrestling Fred.

I heard Rocky's having himself a little contest.

I've been in a contest or two.

Maybe you heard of it, the Norwalk oyster festival.

Hot dog eating champion.

I was about five places away from death.

Placed fifth in a pool of six.

I did my best.

I haven't won anything ever.

But what I do have, is a lot of confidence in my move set.

I put you in a combination headlock and have you

guess your way out. 'Cause remember,

it's not how hard you win, but how hard

you're trying not to lose.

We've already lost it all.

It's Friday night Fred!

I fucking love Fred.

I think he killed that promo, he's hilarious.

Very hairy, but hilarious.

I just kind of want to hug him.

I don't know if that's enough to get you out of the first round,

but we will find out.

Quick question, how many people have spit in this guy's mouth

that it's a concern?

It looked like he was so poor.

I mean, Fred, do you need some help with money?

I mean, I'd be willing to help you out,

because you look kind of pathetic.

Anyway, he was just awesome.

He drew me in, I loved it.

You were always going to just do your best in losing,

and I thought that that was a great promo.

All right, Vicky.

Who's moving on, and who's going to fish for compliments

by posting selfies on Instagram.

Trick question, it's me.

Vicky, who do we have?

My winner is Wrestling Fred.

Talented, confident, the little guy

is going to conquer the world.

You're my winner.

Congratulations, Fred.

Let's move on to our final match up of the week.

Prickly Pear versus Justice Victory.

I'm Prickly Pear, and I got a pair of guns for you.

I'm a lean, mean, desert fighting machine.

Stop crying!

See this vast, barren expanse of wilderness and nothingness?

I made it with these two hands.

I'm the rock breaker, the dust maker.

There's nothing here, 'cause I eliminated it.

Decimation City USA.

See that canyon?

I made it.

I was admiring the mesa one day and sneezed.

Blew that rock away.

You're in the desert, baby.

You're going to die.

[YELLING]

This is one tough sister fucker, let me tell you.

I feel like he's fought a bear before, one on one.

Vicky, what do you think?

I loved how he used the outside elements.

When he said that he sneezed and separated the canyon,

using your body language, and having your arms go up

when you sneezed?

I thought that that was showing a lot of emotion,

that you showed your strength.

But your singing?

I could not take, even my dog was covering her ears.

But props to you, great promo.

Rock?

You call my name?

My name is Justice Victory.

And why am I here?

Because I don't have a choice but to be here.

You turned on the news lately?

Have you looked outside and seen all that hate?

People shooting each other.

You know why?

Because the kids, they don't have anyone to look up to.

They got guys cut their eyebrows up, ripping off their shirts.

But they don't have someone with the morals,

the integrity, the bravery of the American people.

My name's Justice Victory, and I'm here to make a difference.

And I'm here, starting right now to beat every person in front

of me until the American people have someone to be proud of.

When this man pulled off his mask

and had another mask underneath, I almost shit myself.

Let's see if Justice Victory and those tight ass pants

make it out of the first round.

Vicky, what do you got?

There was no comedy in it, but I did

feel like you were going to make a great hero for a lot of kids

in the world.

I thought that maybe you could use a different shirt

to portray maybe a cape, if you wanted to be someone's hero,

or role model.

Be careful when you're using a room,

because your background was kind of distracting

with the sun coming through the window.

Just remember that you want the attention on you.

And you don't want to have other elements to take away

from your promo.

But great job, and I wish you well.

All right, Vicky.

Who's moving on, and who's going to blame the whole thing

on their parents?

My winner is Prickly Pear.

Great job using the desert, since I am from El Paso,

Texas, you won my heart.

Congratulations, prickly pear.

And congratulations to all the winners.

Before we go, Vicky, do you have any advice for the contestants?

My advice to all the contestants is

to believe in your character, watch your surroundings,

make sure that whenever you're talking into the camera,

you give good eye contact, slow down.

Let your words be clear, believe in yourself, have confidence.

And Sandra, for you, I am rooting for you, girl.

Keep up the good work everyone, and we'll see you next time.

All right everyone, thanks for watching.

Vicky, thanks for coming.

I'll see you guys next week where we continue

moving through the first round.

We've got our guest judge, Rey Mysterio.

And he's going to be doing all types of fucking flips,

probably.

So be sure to fucking tune in for that.

I'll see you next week on Rock the Promo.

And Vicky--

...

Key Vocabulary

Vocabulary	Meanings
competition /ˌkɒmpɪˈtɪʃən/ B2	noun - a contest or rivalry
contestants /kənˈtestənts/ B1	noun - people who take part in a competition
submitted /səˈmɪtɪd/ B1	verb - to present something for consideration
handpicked /hændpɪkt/ B2	adjective - carefully chosen
battle /ˈbætl/ A2	verb - to fight or compete
champion /ˈtʃæmpiən/ B1	noun - a winner
bracket /ˈbrækɪt/ B2	noun - a diagram showing the stages of a tournament
original /əˈrɪdʒɪnl/ B1	adjective - not copied; first
submissions /səbˈmɪʃənz/ B2	noun - things that are presented for consideration
dumb /dʌm/ A2	adjective - stupid
character /ˈkærəktər/ B1	noun - the mental and moral qualities of a person
costume /ˈkɒstjuːm/ A2	noun - clothes worn to represent a character
notorious /nəˈtɔːriəs/ C1	adjective - famous for something bad
cougar /ˈkuːɡər/ B2	noun - a woman who seeks relationships with younger men
hated /ˈheɪtɪd/ B1	adjective - felt dislike for
excited /ɪkˈsaɪtɪd/ A2	adjective - very enthusiastic and eager
winner /ˈwɪnər/ A2	noun - a person who wins

Key Grammar Structures

• If you don't know, Rock the Promo is a weekly competition...

  ➔ Conditional Clause (Type 0/1) - 'If + present simple, present simple/will + infinitive'

  ➔ The sentence uses a conditional clause to state a fact or a likely outcome. The 'If' clause sets the condition, and the main clause describes the result. The phrase 'Rock the Promo' functions as a noun phrase, the subject of the verb 'is'.

• Thousands of people submitted their own wrestling promos...

  ➔ Possessive Pronoun - 'their own'

  ➔ The phrase 'their own' emphasizes that the promos submitted were created by the people themselves, not borrowed or copied. It adds a sense of individuality and ownership.

• She's a former WWE superstar, fan general manager, and she's a notorious cougar.

  ➔ Coordinate Adjectives - 'former, WWE, fan, general manager, notorious'

  ➔ The adjectives 'former', 'WWE', 'fan', 'general manager', and 'notorious' all modify 'superstar' and are coordinated with commas. The repetition of 'she's' is stylistic, adding emphasis.

• I'm not going to explain what those are, because I've already done enough talking.

  ➔ Subordinating Conjunction - 'because'

  ➔ The word 'because' introduces a subordinate clause that explains the reason for the speaker's refusal to explain. It connects the two clauses, showing a cause-and-effect relationship.