[English]
I just bought a life insurance policy this morning.
It’s the super VIP pro package, and when the agent saw my name,
he demanded five billion Zeni a month.
And he made me sign a pledge not to die more than three times a year.
What a bunch of robbers.
Great minds think alike.
I just upgraded my secret hideout to a 5-star standard.
I’ve set aside a contingency fund,
and I’m renovating my city home too.
What on earth
are you people talking about?
I'm a martial artist.
I eat a balanced diet,
I don't eat street-side noodle soup,
so why on earth would I be scared enough to buy life insurance, Krillin?
You’re usually so careful and sharp-nosed,
why are you so slow today, Piccolo?
Didn't you see that Son Goku was brought back to life by King Kai?
He's already revived, can't you see that?
That’s great news, isn’t it? We’ve already defeated skinny Majin Buu.
We’ve already taken down Buu.
So why are you guys so worried about buying insurance?
It’s great that Goku is alive,
but it’s also a sign that another disaster is coming.
Look at this chart.
This is the Earth's "Peace Index" over the last 30 years.
Phase one:
When Goku was little,
we faced the disaster of the Red Ribbon Army searching for us.
Their armored tanks were crushing our farms.
Phase two: Goku grew up,
and we had that guy Piccolo,
followed by his brother Raditz and those evil Saiyans.
Sorry, darling.
They landed, demanding to flatten the planet
just to find Son Goku.
Total carnage, tons of people dead.
Phase three:
Look at the seven years since Goku died after the battle with Cell.
Look at it.
In those seven years, the global GDP grew by 200%.
Unemployment dropped.
The construction industry was slow,
because no cities were being blown up anymore.
Now I finally understand.
Son Goku is basically a lightning rod for bad karma.
Wherever he goes, King Yama’s deadlines follow.
Come to think of it, during those seven years he was dead,
I had enough free time to go get my driver’s license
and teach yoga classes to the Namekians.
As soon as he came back, I had to go back to being a babysitter.
Then he dies, then we wait for him to be revived again.
The cycle of reincarnation
is faster than the expiration date on fresh milk.
It’s not just us;
even normal people have figured it out.
I read more about property insurance this morning.
It even has a liability waiver clause
for "acts of God"
like pandemics, natural disasters, and "Son Goku being alive in the area."
That’s why I don’t dare buy insurance for the house I’m living in.
If I buy it and they use that exemption, it’s just throwing money away.
Nonsense, that’s just a coincidence.
Like the Androids and Cell, which were created by Dr. Gero.
What does that have to do with Kakarot?
Prince of Saiyans, wake up!
The only reason Gero created the Androids was to take revenge on Goku
because he wiped out the Red Ribbon Army when he was a kid.
Meaning, if Goku had just stayed in the woods catching fish back then
instead of going on an adventure to fight people,
Dr. Gero would have become an agricultural scientist by now.
And that’s not all.
The whole Majin Buu thing was the peak of his disaster-attracting nature.
Goku was "logged out" for seven years, and the world was at peace.
GDP was growing steadily.
But the very moment Goku comes back for a one-day vacation to join the tournament,
two of Babidi’s minions show up immediately.
Demon King Dabura crawls out,
Vegeta goes crazy,
Fat Buu wakes up,
and the Earth explodes.
Come to think of it, Goku isn’t Earth’s protector;
he’s more like a floodlight luring space moths into a swarm.
You guys have known him longer than me.
I always thought I was just unlucky,
which is why I kept dying. But looking back,
it turns out it’s because I’m hanging out with a disaster magnet.
No wonder King Yama recognizes me.
Last time, he even tried to give me a VIP afterlife card,
where I could earn points for priority reincarnation!
But it’s too late now.
Son Goku has been revived,
he’s alive and kicking at home.
That means...
That means the universe is catching a signal:
"Hello, Goku is online on Earth. Villains, come and gank him!"
What now?
Should we... secretly put poison in Goku’s noodles
to make him "log out" again?
No, if he dies, he’ll just go to the afterlife to hit the gym,
then get Baba the Fortune Teller to bring him back for a visit.
And every time he comes back to visit, he brings a new boss with him.
Everything ends up going 360 degrees right back to where we started.
Forget Kakarot, just let him suck up the disasters.
I don’t accept living without fighting.
The proud Saiyan blood won't let me hide.
Wait, I just thought of a solution!
One that keeps Goku, guarantees safety,
and helps Bulma make back her losses
from all those times she had to rebuild the city.
What way?
We can’t stop Goku’s disaster-attracting aura.
So why not...
commercialize the disaster?
Look here.
Every time Goku fights, Earth becomes the center of the universe.
Why are we letting him fight for free?
You mean...?
We’ll start a company called "Z Events and Entertainment."
Zone off a wasteland,
like the place where Cell held his tournament back in the day,
and call it the "Arena of Life and Death."
Whenever an enemy comes looking for Goku,
instead of just fighting chaotically and trashing the city,
we’ll send them an invitation.
"Welcome to Earth Invasion!
Please proceed to these GPS coordinates to meet Goku."
Entry fee for challengers is 100 billion.
Exclusive livestream on Capsule TV!
Nonsense, why would the villains listen to us?
Just tell them Goku is waiting there.
Whoever wants to fight Goku has to enter the arena.
And then,
Bulma can sell tickets to the public
and sell broadcasting rights to other universes.
Genius! Space villains are usually very arrogant.
They’ll want an audience to witness it
when they’re beating Goku up.
We’ll cater to that!
Perfect!
I’ll design a liability waiver contract.
Before fighting Goku,
the villains must sign a pledge:
1. No attacking residential areas.
2. If you accidentally blast outside the map, you pay 200% compensation.
3. No complaining if you die.
Plus,
we can open insurance stands for thrill-seeking spectators
when they come to watch the fights.
Krillin, you can manage this business part.
Android 18 will probably be thrilled.
With this plan, disasters will turn into
a win-win for all of us,
along with huge profits!
So, all that’s left is to convince Son Goku
about this plan, right?
What if he doesn’t agree?
Why worry? I just need to pull strings with Chi-Chi, and it’s a done deal.
Every time Goku brings home a pile of money after a fight,
even if he has to be away from home all year,
Chi-Chi will be happy too!
You guys are insane!
Turning a Saiyan warrior into a circus act?
I strongly object!
Vegeta,
if this project succeeds,
you get a 20% cut of the profits.
You could buy any planet you want to be king.
Buy the best gravity machine in the universe,
and most importantly,
you’ll be a self-made billionaire.
No one will ever call you a trophy husband living off his wife again.
Hmm, I’ve reconsidered.
After all, letting space vermin admire the power of a Saiyan
is a good way to show off.
I agree for the sake of Saiyan honor,
not because of the money, mind you!
Deal! So, where is Goku right now?
Still at home raising fish and growing vegetables.
Krillin, go handle the tickets design and printing.
Vegeta, you go prepare the arena floor.
We don’t know when the villains will show up.
Make sure to leave a huge area
so we can charge extra for spaceship parking.
We’ll charge a premium—
round spaceships like Frieza's get double the fees!
Piccolo, you go call Yamcha, Tien, and the others.
You guys will be the referees.
Remind them to drag out the time so they fight longer,
to make more on commercials!
To think a Prince is now working as a parking security guard...
but whatever, it’s for the best gravity machine in the universe.
I’ve already planned out the details.
Regarding the facilities,
I won’t use reinforced concrete; it’s too expensive.
They’re going to wreck it all anyway,
so we don’t need an actual floor!
I’ll install tempered glass around the VIP stands that can withstand a Level 1 Kamehameha.
Anyone who wants to watch up close (in the danger zone)
has to sign a voluntary waiver and liability release.
I have an idea.
The villains and Goku are very
fond of stalling to power up.
Every time they transform into Super Saiyan,
they spend half an hour just screaming and aura-framing!
Exactly! That’s a revenue opportunity!
While Goku is standing there screaming
to transform,
we’ll insert ads and play announcements like:
"Goku’s energy is rising!
This waiting time is brought to you by Hao Hao noodles—
spicy as your life, if you get hit by Goku’s blast!"
Are you trying to turn a sacred battle
các người định biến trận chiến
into a street market?
I am a proud Prince!
Vegeta, if you agree to put a logo for hair-loss treatment on your forehead while you fight,
I’ll give you an extra 1% of the profits per match.
Hmm, what font size?
Does it need to be fluorescent so it glows in the dark?
And here’s the final gold mine:
post-match merchandising!
We’ll capitalize on everything, like
the hair Goku loses during the fight—
sell it as an amulet!
The broken pieces of Vegeta’s armor—
auction them off as "shards of pride!"
Even the huge craters left by their blasts,
I’ll re-zone them
as historical battle sites to sell tour tickets.
True capitalism.
No wonder you’re the richest person in the world, Bulma.
You really squeeze every last drop out of them!