– English Lyrics

Lyrics & Translation

[English]

[applause and music]

Okay, it's 8 years ago. I wake up on a

couch in New York City at 3:00 a.m. to

the sound of footsteps. My mother in her

night gown, pacing, very upset, ringing

her hands.

Mom, what is it? It's It's Mom, what?

It's just I stand up. Mom, what is

wrong?

I should have married Van Johnson.

Side note, um, my mother was married to

my father, Victor, my late father, for

40 years. This is just a little

upsetting.

Van Johnson. Van Johnson, the matinea

idol. Mom, Van Johnson was gay.

Well, we didn't know that then.

>> Great. We laughed. We're present and

connected. That's one of the byproducts

of sharing laughter. It gets us

connected. It's also not something that

people usually associate with

Alzheimer's. I know I didn't. I mean, I

didn't realize it at the time, but that

that night, that was not only the

beginning of my education about

Alzheimer's. It was the beginning of my

understanding about the power of shared

laughter for connection, even in the

most disorienting circumstances.

I I had flown to New York after a phone

call from my mother's friend, Marilyn.

Your mother is arguing with waiters and

she can't fill out a deposit slip.

Arguing with waiters, not that unusual.

But not being able to fill out a deposit

slip, my mother was a real estate

broker. Filling out a deposit slip was

one of her few remaining joys.

In daylight, of course, in New York, I

could see there was something wrong.

Yeah. There were stacks of mail and open

cabinets and

plates of food halfeaten with dog hair.

My meticulous mother at 78 had taken in

Buster, a traumatized rescue pug.

The next day, my sister comes in and we

go to see a doctor and we hear two words

that many people are more afraid of now

than a cancer diagnosis.

It's Alzheimer's.

I know. So, how did I get from

Alzheimer's to laughter?

Okay, let's start at the beginning. I

almost died when I was born. Thank you.

Here's where it gets really funny.

[laughter]

No. Uh, it's true. But I actually have

the letter that my parents wrote to the

doctor thanking him for saving my life.

[laughter] And [sighs]

it's amazing. But I've spent from there

until well probably right now trying to

prove that my life was worth saving by

making people laugh.

Naturally I became a comic.

I mean, other people, they want multiple

homes and fancy cars and health

insurance. But what's gotten me out of

bed since the beginning was the chance

to make someone, anyone, laugh.

And did you know that we are 30 times

more likely to laugh with people? And

the surgeon general declared loneliness

more dangerous for us than smoking two

packs of cigarettes a day. and that

sharing laughter is proven to break

through feelings of isolation.

So adding all that up, by making people

laugh, I I'm more than earning my place

here. I'm rescuing people one laugh at a

time

until the laughter stops.

We keep my mother at home for as long as

we can, but within a few years it

becomes clear she needs to move to LA to

be near me and my family and very

quickly she realizes she isn't going

home and she becomes depressed and I

feel terrible. I've been a comedian for

20 years. I taught standup at UCLA for

10 and I've written several books on the

power of laughter in family life. And I

can't get my own mother to laugh, smile,

anything. And I'm at my dentist. And

because it's Los Angeles, she's also a

life coach.

I feel so guilty. I

You have nothing to feel guilty about.

She takes the cotton out of my mouth.

But I don't know. I feel terrible. I I

can't get my mother to laugh. I don't

know. Maybe I should hire someone else

to do it. Like someone not her daughter.

Good idea. Do it. So I post Looking for

comedian interested in gerontology. Paid

gig,

right? My phone rings. Seconds later,

it's a comedian in Los Angeles sitting

on park benches. Loves old people.

Seniors, forgive me. H I'm an old

person, so I get to say that now. Um,

and she's making them tell their

stories. So, I invite the woman over and

she comes in and at first she does

jokes, but you know, nothing. But then

she pulls up a chair and makes eye

contact with my mother and says, "I know

you don't want to talk to me. You're

probably thinking, who is this schmuck

just talking to me?"

And my mother hears the word schmuck and

her eyes light up.

Schmuck, she says like she's getting

away with something and then the

comedian being a comedian tops her.

That's right, schmuck. And then she says

schmuck and she says it's like a schmuck

off happening and everyone is laughing.

They're both laugh and I That's it. And

then and this is important. The comedian

hands my mother a glass of water and she

takes it. Trust had been created

through laughter.

Because that's another byproduct of

laughing with others. It creates trust.

Forbes also reported, "You laugh with

the people you trust."

Laughter can be used to quickly create

trust. And it's even better news for

people with Alzheimer's because the

University of Iowa discovered that in

cognitive decline, emotion outlasts

memory, which for us means, yeah,

they're going to forget the joke, but

the feeling of laughter stays with

I hire the woman on the spot eight hours

a week.

You're finding this so funny. It's

great. Um, but what wasn't funny is it

completely worked. Like the results were

undeniable. My mother started eating

again and and laughing and joining in

her community even when the comedian

wasn't there. So sure, laugh. But by now

you might be thinking, genius.

Thank you. But but there's a reveal and

it's pretty humbling and and actually

very good news for you. You don't need

to be a professional comedian to create

connection through laughter.

And realizing this, I thought that my

mother wasn't laughing with me because I

was her daughter. No, it turns out she

wasn't laughing because I was showing up

as a tense perfectionist.

Nobody laughs with that woman.

So realizing this, I started using the

tools that I've been teaching for

decades, like like responding to what's

happening right in the room and letting

go of the moment before and staying

curious and listening.

And no surprise, we found laughter.

My mother died five years ago

and um I'll always be grateful to that

first comedian

and then I figured out how to break

through and laugh with her in time. And

I actually wrote an article about the

experience for AP magazine and I got

hundreds of requests for comedians all

over the world.

So now I have a business that does that.

[applause]

And thank God for the timing because a

month later, COVID co global isolation

unlike anything any of us had ever

known. And I knew I could help.

[laughter]

So, I actually created lunchtime

laughter Monday through Friday, open to

the public, interactive comedy for

seniors, except very quickly, perfectly

lucid people were showing up,

who wanted comic relief.

So, here's something I didn't know.

Humans are not the only mammals who

laugh.

Yes, dolphins, chimps, even rats if you

tickle them just the right way.

But humans, we have language. We can use

language to create joyful humor. Right

now, Plato, Plato and his buddies, they

warned against the use of humor. They

said it was dangerous. It would only be

used for humiliation and to flex status

and superiority. But I don't know

because like babies laugh 300 times a

day and they have no idea who has the

fanciest crib.

Researchers today they talk about

affiliative humor. Humor that creates

trust and a sense of belonging. So, if

this is the goal, and I can't think of a

better time for this goal,

I am going to share with you four

comedians tools that I use with my

mother that will create connection and

laughter with anyone, whether they're

losing their mind or not.

Number one, show up and be present. Yes,

just go. Just go. Put your phone down

and show up for someone even when you

don't really feel like it. Because if

you don't go, you definitely won't

laugh. And as far as being present,

there is one sliver of a silver lining

with Alzheimer's. You can't

[clears throat]

regret the past or obsess about the

future. There's only now.

So, isn't that what we download

meditation apps for?

You never know where you're going to

find your teachers.

Number two,

know your audience. If I wanted to

connect with my mother, I had to meet

her where she was, not who she had been.

I had to pay attention to who she was

right now in the moment. Affiliative

humor is is never about superiority.

It's the direct result of staying

curious and listening and responding

authentically. It's also how we create

humor that unifies rather than divides.

Number three, let go of the moment

before.

If I tell a joke and it bombs, I can't

go off stage and cry. I mean, I can and

I have, but it's not helpful, right? I

need to reset and and with the faith

that the next one is going to land.

I'd be visiting my mother and she would

be disappointed and withdrawn and I'd

feel terrible. And then I'd look back

and she'd be waving and smiling.

And if I'd stayed in disappointment, I

would have missed that next moment of

joy. And this is true for so many of

life's experiences.

If we want to find laughter where we

least expect it, we have to reset,

refresh regularly, and reset with a hope

that whatever's going to be the next big

thing is going to work, whatever that

means for you.

Number four,

embrace imperfection.

Comedians know the funny is in the

mistakes. I mean, who doesn't laugh at a

good blooper reel?

But this is also true for us, for all of

us who are showing up moment to moment.

If we want to find laughter, we're going

to have to just accept exactly the way

things are in the moment. Embrace it.

Laugh with it. I am reminded thinking

about the need for imperfection of those

early days with my mother, with other

adult children, everyone trying to keep

a brave face. I'm fine. I'm fine. Me?

I'm fine.

Can we all please just stop saying we're

fine? [clears throat]

No one is fine. And worse, fine

is not funny.

Hey, so even if it makes us feel a

little bit exposed, in fact, especially

if it does, let's not say we're fine.

These then are my greatest hits for

creating laughter that makes people feel

good. Now, it won't make you a

professional comedian, but if you use

them, at the end of the day, you will

feel

83% less regret.

Okay, I made that up. No, I mean, think

about it. How could this not be true?

How could this not help with regret?

You're showing up when you don't want

to. You're responding authentically.

You're you're listening to someone. Even

if you're not laughing, you're helping

someone. And we 100% never regret this.

I want to leave you with one thing

that's worth repeating.

If you want to make the people you care

about laugh, you don't need to show up

with your scintillating, sarcastic wit.

You just need to have the courage to be

yourself

and the willingness

to embrace all the moments of life that

are imperfect

because there are so many and instead of

feeling alone with them.

That's my mother glamorous by the way. I

had to throw that in because she would

really like it.

Instead

of feeling alone during those imperfect

moments,

we could be laughing.

>> Thank you. [applause]

Thank you.

>> [applause]

Key Vocabulary

Vocabulary	Meanings
footsteps /ˈfʊtˌstɛps/ B2	noun - the sound made by someone walking
pacing /ˈpeɪsɪŋ/ B2	verb - walking back and forth in a small area due to anxiety or restlessness
matinee /ˈmætɪˌneɪ/ C1	noun - an afternoon performance of a play or film
byproduct /ˈbaɪˌprɒdʌkt/ C1	noun - an incidental or secondary product made during the manufacture or occurrence of something else
disorienting /dɪsˈɔːriˌɛntɪŋ/ C2	adjective - causing someone to lose their sense of direction or feel confused
meticulous /məˈtɪkjʊləs/ C1	adjective - showing great attention to detail; very careful and precise
traumatized /ˈtrɔːməˌtaɪzd/ B2	adjective - suffering from severe emotional shock
gerontology /ˌdʒɛrənˈtɒlədʒi/ C2	noun - the scientific study of old age and the process of aging
schmuck /ʃmʌk/ C2	noun - a foolish or contemptible person
cognitive /ˈkɒɡnɪtɪv/ C1	adjective - related to the mental processes of acquiring knowledge
undeniable /ˌʌndɪˈnaɪəbl/ B2	adjective - unable to be disputed or denied
humbling /ˈhʌmlɪŋ/ B2	adjective - causing someone to realize they are not as important or impressive as they thought
perfectionist /pəˈfɛkʃənɪst/ B2	noun - a person who refuses to accept any standard short of perfection
isolation /ˌaɪsəˈleɪʃən/ B2	noun - the process or fact of isolating or being isolated
scintillating /ˈsɪntɪˌleɪtɪŋ/ C2	adjective - brilliantly and excitingly clever or skillful

Key Grammar Structures

• I should have married Van Johnson.

  ➔ Modal perfect (should have + past participle)

  ➔ Used to express a past regret or an unfulfilled expectation.

• I've spent from there until well probably right now trying to prove that my life was worth saving.

  ➔ Present Perfect Continuous (I have been trying)

  ➔ Describes an action started in the past and still continuing to the present.

• You are 30 times more likely to laugh with people.

  ➔ Comparative structure with modifiers (X times + comparative adjective)

  ➔ Used to express the mathematical degree of probability or likelihood.

• It's even better news for people with Alzheimer's because the University of Iowa discovered that in cognitive decline, emotion outlasts memory.

  ➔ Subordinate clause of reason (because + clause)

  ➔ Connects the main point with the evidence that justifies it.

• If I want to find laughter where we least expect it, we have to reset, refresh regularly.

  ➔ First Conditional (If + present simple, will/have to + infinitive)

  ➔ Used to describe a realistic condition and its necessary result.

• I wouldn't have missed that next moment of joy.

  ➔ Third Conditional (would have + past participle) - Imagining a different past

  ➔ Speculates about the consequences if a past situation had been different.

• I'm reminded thinking about the need for imperfection of those early days.

  ➔ Passive voice (be + past participle) with gerund

  ➔ Shows that the subject is receiving the action of being reminded.

• Instead of feeling alone during those imperfect moments, we could be laughing.

  ➔ Modal of possibility (could + be + ing)

  ➔ Suggests a possible alternative action for the future or present.