– English Lyrics

Lyrics & Translation

[English]

57 from Beijing, now arriving.

>> Oh my god.

Oh my god.

Oh excuse me. Excuse me. Move. Move.

Move. Emergency, please.

EXCUSE ME.

>> RACH.

>> THERE YOU ARE.

HI.

Oh so so

How was China?

>> You.

>> It was It was great. Oh, what happened?

>> What?

>> What you you're bleeding.

>> I am?

>> Oh my god.

>> Oh look at that. Yes, I am. Anyway,

enough about me. Enough about me, Mr.

Back from the Orient. Come on, I want to

hear everything. Everything.

>> Well,

uh where do I start? Um

well, this is Julie. Uh Julie, this is

Rachel.

>> Hi.

Uh

Oh, uh these are These are aren't for

you.

Uh these are for you. Welcome to our

country.

>> Thank you. I'M FROM NEW YORK.

>> RACHEL.

AIRPORT. AIRPORT. ROSS.

The

Not alone.

Julie.

Julie. Arm around her.

Oh.

Grab.

Grab.

>> Okay, I think she's trying to tell us

something.

Quick, get the verbs.

Out.

>> You.

You.

You don't like me. You.

You.

You

slowpokes.

>> That's all right, Rach. We got the bags.

Uh

Hi. Hello.

Julie, this is my sister, Monica.

This is Chandler.

>> Hey.

>> Hey.

>> Phoebe.

>> Hi.

>> Joey, what up?

>> What up?

Everyone, this is Julie.

>> Julie.

>> OH.

>> HI.

>> HI.

>> HI, BUT I'M NOT HERE. YOU HAVEN'T met

me. I'll make a much better first

impression tomorrow when I don't have 20

hours of cabin plane on me.

>> And bus.

>> Oh my god.

>> The screaming guy.

>> And the spitting and

>> You tell you got to hear this story.

>> We're on this bus that's easily 200

years old, right?

>> 200 at least.

>> And this guy and the chicken poops IN

HER LAP.

OH, I'M SO SORRY.

I just gave away the ending, didn't I?

Oh, I It's just I just heard this story

in the cab and it is all I can think

about.

This is amazing. I mean, how

how did this happen? Well, Ross and I

were in grad school together.

>> But we haven't seen each other since

then. Well, I land in China, guess who's

in charge of the dig.

>> JULIE.

JULIE, ISN'T THAT GREAT?

I MEAN, ISN'T THAT JUST kick you in the

crotch, spit on your neck fantastic?

It's an expression.

>> We we just wanted to say a quick hi and

then we're going to go see the baby.

>> And then we've got to get some sleep.

>> Yeah, it's really 6:00 tomorrow night

our time.

>> Okay, well listen, don't tell us what's

going to happen though cuz I like to be

surprised.

>> Rachel, do you have any muffins left?

>> Uh yeah, I forget which ones.

>> Oh, you're busy. That's okay, I'll get

it.

>> Oh, anyone else want one?

>> No, thanks.

>> No, I'm all set.

>> Oh, you're losing your apron here. Let

me get it.

>> Oh.

>> Here you go.

>> Thank you.

What a

Oh, listen you guys, I have this friend

at Bloomingdale's who's quitting

tomorrow and he wants to abuse his

discount. So, anyone who wants to come

with me and take advantage of it?

>> Oh, I can't. I have to take my

grandmother to live at.

>> Okay.

>> I'll go with you.

>> Great.

Okay.

>> Hi, honey. Hey, sweetums.

And hello to the rest.

>> Hi.

>> Monica, what are you doing? You can't go

shopping with her. What about Rachel?

>> This is going to be a problem, isn't it?

>> Oh, come on. You're going to

Bloomingdale's with Julie. It's like

cheating on Rachel in her house of

worship.

>> Monica, she will kill you.

She will kill you like a dog in the

street.

>> So, Jules tells me you guys are going

shopping tomorrow.

>> Oh, yeah. Um, it's actually not that big

a deal. In fact, I didn't

>> deal to me. This is great, Monica. I

really appreciate it.

>> You're welcome.

Hey.

Where is everybody?

>> They took Ben to the park.

>> Where have you been?

>> Just out.

Had some lunch.

Just me.

Little quality time with me.

Hey. Thanks for your jacket.

>> Oh, it's no problem.

You can borrow it, by the way.

Oh, here are your keys, honey.

>> Thanks.

Mon.

>> Mhm.

>> If you were at lunch alone, how come it

cost you $53?

>> You know what probably happened?

Someone must have stolen my credit card.

Uh

And sort of just put the receipt back in

your pocket.

That is an excellent excellent question.

That is excellent.

Monica, what's with you? Who did you

have lunch with?

Judy?

>> Who?

>> Julie?

>> What?

>> Jody?

You were with Julie?

>> Oh.

Look,

when it started, I was just trying to be

nice to her because she was my brother's

girlfriend.

And then

one thing led to another and

before I knew it, we were

shopping.

Oh my god.

Wait, we only did it once.

IT DIDN'T MEAN ANYTHING TO ME.

YEAH, RIGHT.

>> REALLY.

>> SURE.

>> RACHEL, I was thinking of YOU THE WHOLE

TIME.

LOOK,

I'M SORRY, ALL RIGHT? I I NEVER meant

for YOU TO FIND OUT.

>> OH, PLEASE, PLEASE. YOU WANTED TO GET

CAUGHT.

>> THAT IS NOT TRUE.

>> SO, YOU JUST SORT OF HAPPENED TO LEAVE

IT IN HERE?

>> Did it ever occur to you that I might

just be that stupid?

>> OKAY, MONICA, I JUST HAVE TO KNOW one

thing.

Did you go with HER TO BLOOMINGDALE'S?

>> YOU NAME ONE WOMAN THAT YOU broke up

with for an actual real reason.

>> Maureen Rosillo.

>> Cuz she doesn't hate Yanni is not a real

reason.

>> Hello, Mr. Heckles.

>> You're doing it again.

>> We're not doing anything.

>> You're stomping.

It's disturbing my birds.

>> You don't have birds.

>> I could have birds.

>> Okay, Mr. Heckles, we'll try to keep it

down.

>> Thank you.

I'm going to rejoin my dinner party.

>> All right, bye-bye.

>> Okay, Janice. Janice, you got to give me

Janice. That wasn't about being picky.

>> Yeah, I know.

>> I miss Janice.

>> I miss Janice, though.

>> Hello, Chandler Bing.

Oh my god.

>> Oh, Chandler, now.

That's it.

Then, faster.

>> Ugh, stop with the broom. We're not

making noise.

We won.

We did it.

Mr. Heckles.

How did this happen?

>> Well, he must have been sweeping.

They found a broom in his hand.

>> That's terrible.

>> I know.

I was sweeping yesterday.

Could have been me.

>> Sweeping.

>> You never know.

>> Never know.

>> Okay, it's very faint, but I can still

sense him in the building.

Go into the light, MR. HECKLES.

>> OKAY, PHOEBE.

>> MHM.

I'M SORRY, but sometimes they need help.

Why not told you?

Oh, I don't know. Um how about the fact

that the underwear out there on the

telephone pole is yours from when you

were having sex with Fun Bobby out on

the terrace?

WAIT A MINUTE.

WHO TOLD YOU?

You are dead meat.

>> I didn't know it was a big secret.

>> No, it's not big. Not at all. You know,

kind of the same lines as

say, oh, I don't know, having a third

nipple.

You have a third nipple?

>> You

>> WHIP IT OUT. WHIP IT OUT.

>> COME ON.

There's nothing to see. It's just a tiny

bump. It's totally useless.

>> Oh, as as opposed to your other

multi-functional nipples.

>> I can't believe you. You told me it was

a nubbin.

Monica.

>> Are we ready to order?

>> Oh, you know what? We haven't even

looked yet.

>> Well, when you do, just let me know.

I'll be right over there on the edge of

my seat.

>> Wow, look at these prices.

>> Yeah, these are pretty ching-ching.

>> I don't know. What are these? Like

famous chickens?

Do I dare ask?

>> Yes, I'll start with the carpaccio and

then I'll have the grilled prawns.

>> That sounds great. Same for me.

>> And for the gentleman?

>> Yeah, I'll have the Thai chicken pizza.

But hey, look, if I get it without the

nuts and leeks and stuff, is it cheaper?

>> You'd think, wouldn't you?

Miss?

>> Okay, I will have the uh side salad.

>> And what would that be on the side of?

>> I don't know. Why don't you just put it

right here next to my water?

>> And for you?

>> Um I'm going to have a cup of the

cucumber soup.

And

um

Take care.

>> I will have the uh Cajun catfish.

>> Anything else?

>> Yes, how about a verse of Killing Me

Softly?

>> Everyone owes 28 bucks.

>> Oh, yeah.

>> What um everyone?

>> Oh.

You're right. I'm sorry.

>> Thank you.

>> Monica's big night. She shouldn't pay.

>> Oh.

Thank you.

>> So five of us is

33.50 a piece.

>> No. Uh-uh. No way. Sorry, not going to

happen.

>> Whoa. Whoa. Prom night flashback.

>> Sorry, Monica. I'm really happy you got

promoted, but cold cucumber mush for

30-something bucks?

Huh.

No.

Rachel just had that that that little

salad and and Joey with HIS LIKE TEENY

PIZZA. It's just

>> Okay, Pheebs. Shh. Shh.

How about we'll each we'll each just pay

for what we had, okay? It's no big deal.

>> Not for you.

>> All right.

What's going on?

Okay, look you guys. I really don't want

to get into this right now. I think

it'll just make everybody uncomfortable.

>> We'll be fine. All right. All right.

We'll be fine.

>> Yeah. What? You can tell us.

>> Yeah. Hello. It's us. All right. We'll

be fine.

>> Yeah.

>> Okay. Um

Uh we three feel like that um

sometimes you you guys don't get that uh

>> We don't have as much money as you.

>> Okay.

>> I hear you.

We can talk about that.

>> Well then,

let's

>> Well, um I I

guess I just never think of money as an

issue.

>> That's cuz you have it.

>> That's a good point.

So, um

how come you guys haven't talked about

this before?

>> Cuz it's always something, you know?

Like with Monica's new job or the whole

Ross's birthday hoopla.

>> What?

Whoa, hey. I don't want my birthday to

be the source of any kind of negative

There's going to be a hoopla?

>> Basically, there's the thing and then

there's the stuff after the thing and

it's

If it makes anybody feel better, then we

can just forget the thing and and we'll

just

do the gift.

>> Gift? Gift? The The thing's not the

gift?

>> No, the thing was we were going to go

see Hootie and the Blowfish.

>> Hootie and I I I can catch them on the

radio.

>> Did we speak on the phone last night?

Did you call me?

>> No, I stayed at Julie's last night.

>> Huh.

>> Oh, actually, I haven't even been home

yet. Do you mind if I check my messages?

>> Oh, yeah, go ahead.

>> Rach, I got a message FROM YOU.

WHO'S MICHAEL?

>> OH MY GOD.

OH MY GOD, ROSS, NO, hang up the phone.

Give me the phone. Ross, give me the

phone. GIVE ME THE PHONE.

>> YOU'RE OVER ME?

>> OH GOD.

>> WHAT? You're uh

>> Oh god.

>> You're You're over me?

>> Oh god. Oh god.

Oh my god.

Oh

god.

>> When?

When were you

under me?

Rach

Rachel, do you

I mean, were you uh

>> Uh

okay.

Okay. Okay.

Well,

basically,

lately, I've uh

I've uh sort of had feelings for you.

>> You've

had feelings for me?

>> Yeah, what so? You had feelings for me

first.

>> Whoa. Huh.

You know about my I mean, you know I had

you You know?

>> Chandler told me.

>> Chandler, when did he When did he When

did he?

>> When you were in China.

>> China?

>> Meeting Julie.

>> Julie?

Julie. That's Oh god.

Julie.

Julie. Right. Okay, I need to lie down.

No, you know, I'm going to stand. I'm

going to stand.

I'm going to walk. I'm walking and I am

standing. Okay, so you were

And now you were And now now

Now you're over me?

>> Now are you over me?

>> That's That's Julie.

That's Julie. Julie. Hi, Julie.

>> Hi, honey. I've got a cab waiting.

>> I'll be right down.

You have no right to tell me you ever

had feelings for me.

>> What?

>> I was doing great with Julie before I

found out about you.

>> Hey, I was doing great before I found

out about you. You think it's easy for

me to see you with Julie?

>> Well, then you should have said

something before I met her.

>> I didn't know then. And how come you

never said anything to me?

>> There was never a good time.

>> Right. You You only had a year and we

only hung out every night.

>> Not not not

every night.

You know, and and it's not like I didn't

try, Rachel, but the old things got in

the way, you know, like like Italian

guys or ex-fiances or or or Italian

guys.

>> Hey, there was one Italian guy, okay?

And do you even have a point?

>> is I I don't need this right now, okay?

It's It's too late. I'm with somebody

else. I'm happy. This ship has sailed.

>> Okay, so what are you saying? You're

going to sort of put away feelings or

whatever the hell it was that you felt

for me?

>> Hey, I've been doing it since the ninth

grade. I've gotten pretty damn good at

it.

>> fine. You go ahead and you do THAT, ALL

RIGHT, ROSS. THEN I DON'T NEED YOUR

STUPID

>> GOOD.

>> GOOD.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT? NOW I GOT CLOSURE.

OH!

OH!

OH!

OH!

>> TRY THE BOTTOM ONE.

>> ALL RIGHT, LET'S let's start with the

cons cuz they're more fun.

Rachel first.

>> I don't know.

I mean

All right, I guess you can say she's

she's a little spoiled sometimes.

>> You could say that.

>> Yeah.

And guess you know, sometimes she's

she's a little you know.

And I've seen her be a little too into

her looks.

And oh, and like Julie and I, we have a

lot in common cuz we're both

paleontologists, right? But I mean

Rachel's just a waitress.

>> Waitress.

Got it. You guys want to play Doom?

Or we could keep doing this.

What else?

>> I don't know.

Uh

Oh.

>> Her ankles are a little chubby.

>> Okay, let's do Julie. What's wrong with

her?

>> She's not Rachel.

>> Well, uh

>> He broke up with Julie.

Well, go hug her for God's sakes.

>> Really?

>> Really.

It's always been you, Rach.

>> God.

>> Oh.

>> Oh.

Oh, this is good. This is really good.

>> I know. I know. It's It's almost

What do you say we go take a walk? Just

us, not them.

>> I'll get my coat.

>> Okay. No, hey. Whoa.

I'll get your coat.

>> Okay.

I want to get my coat.

He's going to get my coat. Oh my god.

>> This is unbelievable.

>> What's that?

>> What? Nothing.

>> What? There's something I saw my name.

What is it?

>> No, no. See? See?

Hey, it's printing.

Hey, it's printing.

>> Well, what is it? Let me see.

>> Hey, someone order a coat?

>> Plus, Chandler wrote something about me

on his computer and he won't let me see.

>> He won't? He won't?

Because isn't it Isn't it the the the

the short story you were writing?

>> Yes, yes it is the short story

that I was writing.

>> In a minute?

Let me READ IT.

>> NO.

>> COME ON.

>> HEY, UH

WHY DON'T YOU read it to her?

All right.

It was summer

and it was hot.

Rachel was there.

A lonely gray couch.

"Oh look," cried Ned.

And then the kingdom was his forever.

THE END.

>> THAT'S IT? THAT'S ALL YOU WROTE? YOU'RE

the worst writer IN THE WHOLE WORLD.

>> ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. YOU KNOW WHAT?

This isn't funny anymore. There's

something about me on that piece of

paper and I want to see it.

>> No, you don't.

>> All right. You know what? Fine. If you

guys want to be children about this,

that's fine. I do not NEED TO SEE

WHAT IS THIS?

>> THAT IS

NO, NO, NO.

>> ROSS, WHAT IS THIS?

>> THANK YOU. Good luck.

Okay. Just just remember how crazy I am

about you, okay?

>> Kind of ditzy?

Too into her looks?

Spoiled?

>> Now, that's a little spoiled. You

supposed to type little, the idiot.

>> Just a waitress?

>> Now, that that was uh

I mean, as opposed to uh

the um Okay, is is this over yet, Rach?

>> I do not have chubby ankles.

>> Oh gosh, it's hot in here. Rach, get the

heat.

>> Ross, can you turn the heat down,

please?

>> Sure.

And by the way, there's a difference

between being obsessive

>> Ross, the heat.

>> Fine, okay. You know

>> Heat heat heat. And I'm the obsessive

one, huh?

>> Okay. This way is on, so this is

off.

>> Did you just break the radiator?

>> No. No. I was turning the knob and and

Here it is.

>> Well, put it back.

>> It uh

It won't go back.

>> Call the super. Here, let me try.

>> Oh, oh that's right. I forgot about your

ability to fuse metal.

>> Hey, it's funny's cousin, not funny.

Hi, Mr. Treeger. Hi, it's Rachel Green

from upstairs. Yes, somebody uh broke

our knob on the radiator and it's really

hot in here.

Yes, it's it's hot enough to bake

cookies.

Well, well do you think we could have a

new one by 6:00?

What? No, no, Tuesday. We can't wait

until Tuesday. We're having a party

tonight.

>> Okay, tip the man.

>> No, if he doesn't like our cookies, too

bad. I'm not going to be blackmailed.

Look, if worst comes to worst, it gets a

little warm, we'll call it a theme

party.

>> Hey, here's a theme. Come on in, live

like bacon.

Mr. Treeger?

Huh.

Here is 50 bucks. Merry Christmas.

>> Oh, wow.

I didn't get you anything.

Here's five back.

>> No, no, no, that's that's your Christmas

tip. All right? Oh, hey.

Do you think there's a chance that you

can fix that radiator now?

>> Uh no can do. Like I told the girl, I

can't get a new knob until Tuesday.

>> Ross?

>> Yeah?

>> Looks like he's playing baseball.

>> Do you mean hardball?

>> Whatever.

What you going to do?

>> Excuse me, I'm seizing.

>> Mr. Treeger?

Here's another 50.

Happy Hanukkah.

Will will this help with the knob

getting?

>> No.

The place is not open till Tuesday.

Am I not saying it right?

>> So, wait. You really did like my

cookies?

>> Oh, yeah.

They were so personal. Really showed you

cared.

Ho ho holy crap is it hot in here?

Really? Hey, you mind if I turn the heat

down?

>> Hey, we could have used that kind of

thinking earlier.

>> It seems I let go.

>> Oh, I couldn't go in.

>> Oh, honey, I'm sorry.

>> Are you okay?

>> Yeah, yeah, no, it's okay cuz I mean I

know he's there. So, that's enough for

now.

>> Hey guys, it's after midnight. Hey,

Merry Christmas everyone.

>> All right,

Merry Christmas.

>> Hey Monica, the knob was broken so I

just turned it off from underneath. I

hope that's all right.

>> Trouble here. I've only got 12 hours and

36 minutes left. Move move move.

>> Monica, I feel like you should have

GERMAN SUBTITLES.

>> JOEY, SPEED it up.

>> I'm sorry, it's the pigs. They're

reluctant to get IN THE BLANKETS.

>> MONICA, HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? I thought

you had this all planned out. Do you

want me to cry?

Is that what you want?

Do you want TO SEE ME CRY?

SIR, NO SIR.

ALL RIGHT, YOU.

>> WHAT? NO, LOOK, I told you I am not a

part of this thing.

>> All right, look Ross, I realize that you

have issues with Carol and Susan and I

feel for you, I do. But if you don't

help me cook, I'm going to take a bunch

OF THOSE LITTLE HOT dogs and create a

new appetizer called pigs in Ross.

ALL RIGHT, BALL A MELON.

>> HEY, HOW COME I'M stuck dicing when he

gets to ball a melon?

>> All right, Monica, if there is something

that you would like to share.

>> you had no right to go out with him.

>> That is the MOST RIDICULOUS

>> ME OUT.

>> NOT SELL YOU OUT.

>> Absolutely sold me out.

>> Did you just flick me?

Okay, well, you wouldn't let me finish

and I was just

Ow, THAT HURT.

QUICK, FLICK HIM. OW, YOU YOU FLICKED

HIM. You flicked me first.

OW, GET IT.

OW.

FLICK HIM. OW.

OW, OW.

WE DON'T LET'S NOT DO THIS. LET'S NOT

OW, OW, OW.

OW.

HAPPY FUN.

HAPPY FUN.

OW. OW.

OW.

OW.

OW.

OW.

OW.

OW.

OKAY, NOW I'M GOING TO KICK SOME ASS.

OW.

OW.

OW. OW. OW. OW. OW. OW. OW.

OW.

OW. OW. ALL RIGHT. NOW, I WILL let go if

you both stop.

Oh, what do you You want me to stop

seeing him? Is that what you want?

Uh-huh. You want me to just call him up

and tell him that you're seeing him

instead? Is that WHAT YOU WANT? OKAY.

OH, THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT. YES.

FINE. FINE.

There we go.

Huh, you know what? If we were in

prison, you guys would feel LIKE MY

...

WOW, I I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

And what do you say? I don't know.

It's a bracelet, isn't it? And it's a

great too. Check it out.

To my best bud.

Thanks, best bud.

Put it on. Oh, now?

No, no, I think something like nice

should be saved for a special occasion.

>> Oh, no, no, that's the beauty part. It

goes with everything.

You put this on,

you're good to go.

>> Oh, man.

You are so wearing that bracelet.

I so am.

>> This is This is us getting ready for the

prom.

>> You know what, you guys, we don't have

to watch this.

>> Did you get a shot of Monica?

>> Where's Monica?

>> Over here, Dad.

>> Wait, how do you zoom out?

There she is.

Some girl ate Monica.

>> Shut up. The camera adds 10 lb.

>> Huh, so how many cameras are actually on

you?

>> Oh, YOU LOOK SO GREAT.

>> AND YOU,

BEAUTIFUL.

>> OH, WOW.

>> OH, WHAT? SHOOT, I think I got

mayonnaise on you.

>> Oh, that's okay. It's just the shoulder.

IT'S NOT MY DRESS.

>> EVERYBODY SMILE.

>> OH, DAD, TURN IT OFF.

>> IT IS OFF.

>> DAD, IT IS NOT. WHAT'S WITH THE RED

LIGHT?

>> IT'S THE OFF LIGHT.

>> OH, YEAH.

>> RIGHT, BOSS?

>> Looking good, MR. COTTRELL.

>> YOU LOOK VERY PRETTY TONIGHT.

>> OH, THANKS.

SO, uh what are you going to do this

summer?

>> Oh, you know, I'm just going to I'm

going to hang out, work on my music.

>> Can you unhook unhook? These things keep

falling down. I can't

keep them up.

>> Uh hold on, let me see. I don't know.

>> So, what are you going to do?

>> NO, THE GUYS ARE HERE.

>> THIS SUMMER.

>> WORK ON YOUR MUSIC.

>> OH MY GOD, LOOK, THERE'S ROY KUBLIK.

>> YOU KNOW, ROY saw Star Wars 317 times.

>> His name was in the paper.

>> Where's Chip?

Why isn't he here yet?

>> He'll be here, okay? Take a chill pill.

There.

>> I just told Rachel that Roy touched my

boob.

>> I can't go to my own prom without a

date. I can't. It's too late.

>> Well, if you don't feel like going, then

I don't want to go, either.

>> Oh, I'm going to KICK CHIP'S ASS.

>> I HAVE A wonderful idea. You should take

Rachel to the prom.

>> Doubtful.

>> Jack, give me that. Talk to your son.

>> Your mother's right.

Take her. You can wear my tux.

>> Dad, she wouldn't want to go with me.

>> Of course she would. You're a college

man.

>> I don't know.

>> Come on. Don't you want to find out?

>> Oh,

I can't believe I don't get to go to my

own prom. Is it so harsh?

>> Okay.

Hold my board.

>> Attaboy. Attaboy.

>> Okay, you guys, you know, I think we've

seen enough. Let's turn it off.

>> no, no.

>> Okay, fine. Well, I'm not going to

watch, all right?

>> Come on, kid. Let's go.

>> I

I am so

>> Let's show them.

>> Uh just a sec, Dad.

Just be cool. Just be cool.

Okay, Dad.

>> Rachel, ready or not, here comes your

knight in shining.

>> Oh, NO.

>> BYE, GILBERT.

>> OH, DEAR.

JACK, HOW do I turn this off?

>> Press the button.

>> Which one? Which button, Jack?

>> The button, the button.

>> I can't believe you did that.

>> Yeah, well.

>> See? HE'S HER LOBSTER.

>> ALL RIGHT, NO PEEKING.

No peeking. No peeking. No peeking.

>> All right, all right. But, you better be

wearing clothes when I OPEN MY EYES.

>> ALL RIGHT. OPEN your eyes.

Sweet mother of all that is good and

pure.

>> Huh?

>> Days of Our Lives picked up my option.

>> Congratulations.

>> Now we can finally watch Green Acres the

way it was meant to be seen.

>> So, uh

which one is mine?

>> Whichever one you want, man. Whichever

one you want.

Not that one.

Oh, yes.

Oh, yeah. That's the stuff.

Do we dare?

We dare.

>> Your boyfriend has been in there for

over an hour. I can't believe it. It's

like I'm living with him again. He's

here when I go to sleep. He's here when

I wake UP. HE'S HERE WHEN I WANT TO USE

the shower.

It's like I'm 16 all over again.

>> Well, you're not 16. You're both ADULTS

NOW.

>> GET OUT, YOU DOOFUS!

>> OR, YOU KNOW, HE'S RUBBER and you're

glue.

>> All yours.

>> I hope you cleaned your hair out of the

drain.

>> I hope you cleaned your hair out of the

drain.

>> Shut up!

>> Shut up!

>> Cut it out!

>> ME, ME, ME!

>> I'VE NEVER wanted you more.

>> I want to watch Entertainment Tonight.

>> Tough noogies. We're watching Predators

of the Serengeti.

>> You guys stop!

>> It's my TV.

>> Quit it.

>> Bite me.

>> Oh my god.

>> Well, Monica keeps changing the channel.

>> Aw, that's great.

>> Why don't you tell mommy on me?

>> Now I'm mommy in this little play? All

right, look. I refuse to get sucked into

this like weird little Geller dimension

thing, okay? So, I'm going to go and

take a nice long hot bubble bath because

you kids are driving me crazy!

>> Get

out of here,

YOU STUPID

KIDS!

>> OH, SMOKEY.

>> OH, look at me.

Oh my god.

>> I know.

>> I sound amazing.

I've I've I've never heard myself sing

before. I mean, except in my own head.

This is so cool. Now I can hear what you

hear.

Pretty uh pretty different, huh?

I am sorry, but I'm incredibly talented.

Hey, is this true that you write a lot

of your own lines?

>> Uh well, kind of, yeah.

Like, remember last week when Alex was

in the accident? Well, the line in the

script was, "If we don't get this woman

to a hospital, she's going to die."

But I made it, "If this woman doesn't

get to a hospital, she's not going to

live."

>> Oh, okay. I see what you did there.

Aren't you afraid though that the

writers are going to be kind of mad when

they read this?

>> Huh.

Never really thought about the writers.

The scripts

just kind of come to my house.

But you know what?

This makes me look good, which makes the

show look good, which makes the writers

look good. So, how could they be mad

about that?

Mix up most of his lines.

Son of a

Yeah, well.

Right this jerkweed.

>> I fall down an elevator shaft? What the

hell does this mean? I fall down an

elevator shaft?

>> Uh I don't know. I just bring the

scripts.

>> They can't kill me. I'm Francesca's

long-lost son.

>> Right.

>> Amber,

I want you to know that I'll always be

there for you

as a friend and as your brother.

>> Aw, Drake.

>> Rough day, huh?

>> Where's the medical award?

>> This?

>> Yeah. Some guys are just lucky, I guess.

>> Dr. Armory, report to the first floor

emergency staff.

>> Oh, no.

Well, then uh

Yeah, I guess that's me.

Anyone else need to go on the elevator?

>> Dr. Wong?

Dr. Wong?

>> No, no.

They only said you.

Oh, okay.

All right.

>> I love you, Drake.

>> Yeah, whatever.

Oh, NO.

>> DRAKE, look out!

>> Oh, no.

>> Did they just kill off Joey?

>> No.

Not lately.

>> Oh, hi.

Hi.

Roger just told me he loved me.

>> Oh my god.

>> I know.

>> Honey, that's great.

>> I know.

I just can't find

>> They're in the top drawer.

>> Hurry.

>> You need one, too?

>> Oh, yeah.

>> I found them.

>> There's only one.

>> Monica.

>> Hi.

Uh we'll be right there. We just um

we're trying to decide something.

>> Rachel.

>> Hey.

>> Hey.

They're just trying to decide something.

>> Oh good. Good. Good.

So is um

was your mustache did did it used to be

different?

>> No.

>> Oh.

How do you uh you know keep it so neat?

>> I have a little comb.

>> Oh.

And what do you call that?

>> A mustache comb.

>> Okay. I I will do your laundry for 1

month.

>> No.

>> OKAY. OKAY. OKAY. I WILL I WILL I WILL I

Hey I will clean the apartment for 2

months.

>> All right. I'll tell you what. I'll give

this to you now if you can tell me where

we keep the dustpan.

>> So were you in Nam?

>> Rock, paper, scissors?

1 2 3 YES!

>> FINE.

GO HAVE SEX.

>> NO! YOU HAVE GOT IT completely wrong.

Jon Savage was Deer Hunter no legs. Jon

Voight was Coming Home couldn't feel his

legs.

>> No, no, no way. You've got it totally

the other way around, my friend. Jon

Voight was what

>> Shall we?

>> It's not going to happen.

They're doing it tonight. We can do it

tomorrow.

>> Hey Monica, we got a question.

>> All right, for the zillionth time, yes,

I see other women in the shower at the

gym, and no, I don't look.

>> No, not that one. We're trying to figure

out who to bring to the Knicks game

tonight. We have an extra ticket.

>> Yeah, Ross can't go, so it's between my

friend Eric Prower who has breath issues

Dan with the poking. Did you see that

play?

Do you want some more beer?

Is that Spike Lee?

>> Why don't you ask Richard?

>> Okay. Hey Richard.

If you had an extra ticket to the Knicks

game

and you had to choose between a friend

who smelled and one who bruises you

who would you pick?

>> Wow.

Well, being a huge Knicks fan myself, I

think you should take someone who's a

huge Knicks fan.

>> Okay.

That's Eric.

>> Glad to be of help.

>> Thanks.

>> I meant why don't you take Richard to

the game?

>> Wait, and then?

>> What?

>> I don't know.

>> Come on. He keeps his fingers to himself

and he's always minty fresh.

>> No, no, Richard's really nice and

everything. It's just that we don't know

him really well, you know, and plus

he's, you know, old.

>> Older than some people.

But younger than some buildings.

>> I have had enough of this, all right?

Gunther

These guys are trying to take our seats.

>> Fellas, these guys were here first.

>> Oh, sorry. Didn't realize.

>> There you go.

>> Thank you, Gunther.

We didn't want to have to go and do

that.

>> He told on us?

You told on us?

>> Well, pal, you didn't give me much of a

choice.

>> Don't play with this thing.

>> All right.

>> Let's take this outside.

Let's Let's take this outside.

>> Who talks like that?

>> A guy who's about to kick your ass talks

like that.

>> You had to ask.

>> Yeah.

Okay, okay. Look, see,

the thing is,

we're we're not going to fight you guys.

>> Well, then here's the deal. You won't

have to, so long as you never ever show

your faces in this coffee house ever

again.

>> Come on out, honey. I'm telling you you

look good. Tell her she looks good. Tell

her she looks good.

>> OH MY GOD!

YOU LOOK SO GOOD.

I CAN'T BELIEVE I have to walk down the

aisle in front of 200 people looking

like something you drink when you're

nauseous.

>> So, don't. I don't see why we have to go

to this thing anyway. It's your your

ex-fiancé's wedding.

>> Because I promised Mindy I would.

>> Yeah, well, you promised Barry you'd

marry him.

>> Look, Look, guys, I have to go. I'm the

maid of honor. And besides, you know

what? I just need to be in a room again

with these people and feel good about

myself.

>> Are you all right?

>> Yeah. When I was in the bathroom, I saw

the window that I crawled out of at my

wedding and

God, I just started thinking I shouldn't

be here, you know, I shouldn't. People

are going to be looking at me and

judging me and and thinking about the

last time

>> Sweetie, it's going to be okay, all

right? It's a wedding. Generally, people

focus on the bride.

>> Oh God, I know you're right. All righty,

everybody look at me. Good. All right.

It's time. Bridesmaids and ushers, let's

see two lines. Thank you.

Okay, I'll see you after the thing.

>> Okay, good luck.

>> Thank you. Okay.

Okay.

Why the hell didn't you tell me?

>> I'm sorry. What was I supposed to do?

Stand up and shout, "Hey, Rachel, your

butt is showing."

>> Oh my God, this is so humiliating. I

think the only thing that tops that one

was was was when I was in eighth grade

and I had to sing the Copacabana in

front of the entire school. I think I

got two lines into it before I ran and

freaked out. Oh my God, my entire life

is flashing before my eyes.

>> Rach, hey, look, I remember that. It

wasn't so bad.

>> Oh, Ross, would you just stop? You got

me. I'm dating you.

>> Rachel.

>> Oh.

Hi, Mr. Weinberg.

>> Hi, Mrs. Weinberg.

>> It's so wonderful to see you again, my

dear. In fact, I hardly expected to see

so much.

>> You told me you didn't see anything.

>> I tell you a lot of things.

Key Vocabulary

Vocabulary	Meanings
emergency /ɪˈmɜːrdʒənsi/ B2	noun - a serious, unexpected, and often dangerous situation requiring immediate action
bleeding /ˈbliːdɪŋ/ B1	adjective - losing blood from the body
impression /ɪmˈprɛʃən/ B2	noun - an idea, feeling, or opinion about something or someone
fantastic /fænˈtæstɪk/ A2	adjective - extraordinarily good or attractive
discount /ˈdɪskaʊnt/ B1	noun - a deduction from the usual cost of something
cheating /ˈtʃiːtɪŋ/ B1	verb - acting dishonestly to gain an advantage or being unfaithful
appreciate /əˈpriːʃieɪt/ B2	verb - to recognize the full worth of something
receipt /rɪˈsiːt/ A2	noun - a document confirming that money has been paid
disturbing /dɪˈstɜːrbɪŋ/ B2	adjective - causing anxiety; worrying or interrupting
useless /ˈjuːsləs/ B1	adjective - not fulfilling or expected to achieve the intended purpose
uncomfortable /ʌnˈkʌmftəbl/ B1	adjective - causing or feeling slight pain or physical/mental unease
hoopla /ˈhuːplɑː/ C2	noun - excitement and fuss; turbulent noise
obsessive /əbˈsɛsɪv/ C1	adjective - showing an excessive and unhealthy interest in something
humiliating /hjuːˈmɪlieɪtɪŋ/ B2	adjective - making someone feel ashamed and foolish
crawled /krɔːld/ B1	verb - to move forward on the hands and knees

Key Grammar Structures

• You don't like me.

  ➔ Simple Present Tense (Negative)

  ➔ Used to express a general state or fact. Here, the speaker uses 'do not' ('don't') to negate the verb 'like'.

• We haven't seen each other since then.

  ➔ Present Perfect Tense

  ➔ Describes an action that started in the past and continues or has relevance to the present, using 'have/has' + past participle ('seen').

• If you were at lunch alone, how come it cost you $53?

  ➔ Second Conditional (Hypothetical condition)

  ➔ Uses 'if' + past tense ('were') to express an unlikely or hypothetical situation in the present/past.

• I've been doing it since the ninth grade.

  ➔ Present Perfect Continuous

  ➔ Focuses on the duration of an activity that started in the past and is still ongoing ('have been' + verb-ing).

• If you don't help me cook, I'm going to...

  ➔ First Conditional (Future real condition)

  ➔ Expresses a real possibility for the future using 'if' + present simple, followed by 'will' (or 'be going to').

• You are so wearing that bracelet.

  ➔ Present Continuous for emphasis/insistence

  ➔ The continuous form 'are wearing' is used here to show strong conviction or insistence about a future action.

• It's like I'm 16 all over again.

  ➔ Simile with 'like' + subordinate clause

  ➔ 'Like' is used here as a conjunction to compare a present state to a past time.

• I've never heard myself sing before.

  ➔ Adverb of frequency 'never' with Present Perfect

  ➔ Used to describe an experience that has not occurred at any time up to the present moment.