– English Lyrics

Lyrics & Translation

[English]

I'm just getting out of a very serious

relationship.

>> I know. And I'm just getting out of a

marriage. I mean, talk about meant to

be,

>> right? But I just think this is

happening too soon.

>> Oh, too soon. Too. [laughter]

Face it, honey. I am not letting you get

away this time.

>> I hear you.

[laughter]

But unfortunately,

my company is transferring me overseas.

>> Oh no.

Where too?

To Paris.

>> No. No. Not not Paris.

>> To London. Oh no. Rome. Vienna. Oh,

Barcelona.

>> Okay. Could you just stop talking for a

second?

[laughter]

>> Yemen.

That's right. Yes, I'm being transferred

to Yemen.

>> When?

>> I don't know exactly.

>> Well, I will just have to soak up every

ounce of Chandler Bing until that moment

comes. [laughter]

>> But I do know it's sometime tomorrow.

>> You know, uh, you really didn't have to

help me pack. Oh, well, when you said

all you were going to be doing between

now and the time you leave is packing,

you really didn't leave me much choice,

did you?

>> Well, I thought I did, but I I guess I

did not.

[laughter]

>> Hey, what's going on?

>> Oh, I'm packing. You know, I'm packing

cuz I'm moving to Yemen tomorrow.

>> Thanks for telling me.

>> I want to pretend moving to Yemen. Okay.

It's the only way I can get rid of her.

Oh, good one.

And Yemen, that actually sounds like a

real country.

>> Hey, Chandler, come on. I'm going to

show you how to roll up your underwear

and stuff it in your shoes. It's a real

space saver.

>> Yeah. No, I do that cuz it makes me look

taller.

[laughter]

>> Okay, Chandler, come on.

>> Okay, Joey, trade lies with me.

>> Nope.

>> [laughter]

>> You know, you really didn't have to take

me to the airport.

>> Please. Every moment is precious. You

know, besides, somebody had to ride in

that other taxi with the rest of your

luggage, and your friends don't seem to

care very much that you're leaving.

>> Well, we're not really that close.

>> Okay, so I guess this is uh you know,

goodbye then. Oh, no. No, it's not.

Goodbye. I'm not leaving until you get

on that plane.

>> Okay. Well, I guess just wait here then.

[laughter]

>> Hi. I need a fake ticket to Yemen.

>> One ticket to Yemen.

>> Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. I just need

I just need a pretend ticket.

>> I'm sorry, sir. I don't understand.

Okay.

>> What would you give to a kid if you

wanted a ticket to play with?

>> Are you traveling with a child?

[laughter]

No.

>> You know what? She's going to think that

I'm handing you a credit card, but what

I'm really going to do is hand you a

library card.

>> Uh, sir, a ticket to Yemen is $2,100 and

we don't take library cards. What's the

matter? Is something wrong?

>> Do you have to stay?

>> American Express

to Yemen.

Well, I guess I got to go.

>> Whoa, my bingling.

>> I'll wait for you. Do you even know how

long you're going to be gone?

>> Well, just until we find an energy

source to replace fuel.

>> Oh, well, I'll write you every day. 15

Yemen Road, Yemen.

Okay. Goodbye.

Goodbye.

>> Chandler.

>> Nope.

>> Chandler.

>> Janice. There you are. There you are. I

had to have one last kiss. And And also

also you said you were going to leave

right AFTER I GOT ON THE PLANE.

NO, NO. I want to see you take off.

>> Well, then I guess I'm going to Yemen.

[laughter]

>> I'm going to Yemen. [laughter]

>> When we get to Yemen, can I stay with

you?

[laughter]

>> Wow. I I don't know what to say.

>> What do you say? I don't know.

It's a bracelet,

>> isn't it? And it's engraved, too. Check

it out.

>> To my best bud.

[laughter]

>> Thanks, best bud.

Put it on.

>> Oh, now.

>> No, no. I think something this nice

should be saved for a special occasion.

>> Oh, no. No. That's the beauty part. It

goes with everything. You put this on,

you're good to go. [laughter]

Oh man, [laughter] you are so wearing

that bracelet.

I so am.

>> What do you want to do? Let's do

something crazy.

>> I know. Let's rest and drink lots of

fluids.

[laughter]

>> Okay, I'll rest. But you know, if I'm

going to bed, then you're coming with

me.

>> [snorts and laughter]

>> See, that would be impossible to resist

if you weren't all

drippy here.

>> Are you saying that you don't want to

get with this? [laughter]

>> Yeah, I don't think you should say that

even when you're healthy. [laughter]

>> Come on.

>> Don't take this personally, okay? It's

just that I just can't have sex with a

sick person now.

>> I'm with you, Chandler. I mean, I can't

have sex with a sick person either, and

it's disgusting. But I'm not sick. Let

me prove it to you.

>> We are two healthy people and the bribe

of lime.

>> See, that's the thing. I would like to

stay in the prime of live.

>> Hi.

Hey, I hear that you and Joshua are

going out to dinner with Ross and Emily,

and I think that's I think it's really

cool.

>> Yeah, Ra, I think you're handling that

really well.

>> Handling it? What do you mean handling

it? There's nothing to handle. You know,

maybe I would have a problem with this

if it wasn't for me and Joshua.

You know, they're not going to get

married anyway.

>> What?

>> Come on. They rushed into this thing so

fast. It's ridiculous. I mean, they're

going to be engaged for like what, a

year, and somewhere along the way, one

of them is going to realize what they've

done, and they're going to call the

whole thing off. I'm telling you, you're

going to be dancing at my wedding before

you're dancing at theirs.

>> Yeah. Well, I don't dance at weddings.

[laughter]

>> Why not?

>> Because weddings are a great place to

meet women. And when I dance, I look

like this.

[laughter]

[laughter]

Hey man. Hey. Get

>> us all [music] dressed up for the big

office party. Hey, by the way, what are

we celebrating?

>> Oh, we have a lot of liquor left over

from the Christmas party. [laughter]

>> I think this is so cool. I mean, none of

our friends are here, so we can, you

know, could be a real couple. We don't

have to hide.

>> I know. I can do this.

>> Oh, and I can do this.

>> We can't do that.

>> We can't do that. No.

>> Hey, bing. [laughter]

>> Whoa. Who's the pretty lady and what the

hell she doing with you? [laughter]

>> I asked myself that very question, sir.

This is Monica. This is my boss, Doug.

Doug, this is Monica.

>> Hi. Nice to meet you.

>> Hi. And this is my wife, Carara.

>> Nice to meet you, Monica.

>> Bing.

>> Okay. [laughter]

>> Hey, uh, Bing, did you hear about the

new law firm we got working for us?

>> No, sir.

>> Yeah. Do we cheat them and how?

[laughter]

>> Come on, honey. Let's go drink our body

weight. Huh?

What was that?

>> What?

>> That noise you just made.

>> Oh, that was my work laugh.

>> Your work laugh?

>> Oh, can't believe me. If you're going to

survive this party, you're going to have

to come up with one, too.

>> All right, check me out.

>> Okay, says $30, father. Same as in town.

[laughter]

>> Hey, everybody at [music] work loved you

last night.

>> Really?

>> And they like me more. just because I

was with you. I think he repaired a lot

of the damage from when they met Joey.

And Doug wants us to play tennis with

him. He's never even talked to me

outside of work except for that time

when we bumped into each other at that

strip club.

Strip church.

[laughter] Anyway, I'm going to go try

to find a racket.

>> Hey, I thought you already had one.

>> Oh, I used to, but then Joey thought

it'd be fun to go to Central Park and

hit rocks at bigger rocks.

Hey, Rich. Can you have a tennis racket?

>> Oh, um, you know, I lent it to Joey and

I've never actually gotten it back.

>> Okay, good luck with that.

>> Can't believe you let [music] them win.

>> Yeah, at least you hid your feelings

well about it.

>> I was frustrated.

>> It was my racket.

>> I was frustrated with you. If

>> we hadn't lost the game, they would

never have invited us to dinner tomorrow

night.

>> You know what really bothers me is is

how how different you act around them. I

mean, you know, the the throwing the

tennis games, the fake laugh, the see

you later, BING. NONE OF US SEE YOU

FIRST, DOUG.

[laughter]

>> I got to tell you, I don't like work,

Chandler. Okay, the guy's a suckup.

>> Okay, well, you know what? Because you

said that, I'm not putting out tonight.

But seriously, I strongly believe that

we should all support President Clinton

and her husband, Bill.

So, how do you kids like your coffee?

>> Oh, none for me, thanks.

>> Uh, just a little bit of sugar.

>> Well, maybe I'll bring it out and have

Monica stick her finger in it. That

ought to sweeten it up, huh? [laughter]

>> How does that laugh not give you a

headache?

>> Oh, you get used to it.

>> Yeah, I don't think that I can. So, if

you don't mind, maybe this will be it

for me on the work things.

>> Well, so I laugh at my boss's jokes.

What's the big deal? I'd rather not hang

out with this sniveling work weasel guy

when when I could be hanging out with my

boyfriend who I actually respect.

[laughter]

>> I had to apologize for Carara's coffee.

You know, feel sorry for it if it ever

got in a fight. It's not strong enough

to defend itself. [laughter]

>> Hear what I said. Bing,

>> what?

>> It's a joke. Bing, what's the matter

with you? Well, I I I just didn't think

it was funny, sir.

>> Excuse me.

>> Well, I I just

>> Honey, I just don't think that you

understood the joke.

>> Really?

>> Yeah. I mean, it was really funny. I I

just don't think that you got it. You

see, Cara's coffee is is is weak

tasting. Okay. But what Doug did was

would imply that it was weak physically.

[laughter]

>> You get it now, honey?

>> I THINK I DO.

THANK YOU, MONICA.

>> I THOUGHT YOU COULD use the help.

[laughter]

>> Coffee in [clears throat] a fight.

>> Someone in there?

>> No, this is just part of a daredevil

game that I played called Wait until the

last moment before I burst and die.

Jeez, man. Did you fall? Hi.

So, uh, did you did did did you fall

high?

>> Someone was in the ladies room. I

couldn't wait. I left the lid up for

you, though.

>> You know what? Uh, got the go. Uh, go

ahead. I'm I'm talking to uh,

>> this is the part where you'd say your

name.

>> Ginger.

>> Ginger. I'm talking to Ginger. So,

>> don't you have to use the bathroom?

>> Nope.

Nope. I just uh I'd rather uh talk to

you.

>> Yes, I do. [laughter]

>> Yes, I do have to go to the bathroom.

>> Someone in here.

>> Thank you so much [music] for seeing us.

Fibas told us such great things about

you guys.

>> Oh, please. We're happy to help.

>> We went through the same thing when we

were adopting. So, a lot of

malfunctioning wee and hoohoos in this

room, huh? [laughter]

I mean, you have a lovely home.

[laughter]

>> Well, we appreciate anything you can

tell us.

>> Well, actually, I think this might help.

It's pretty much all the information you

need.

>> Oh my god.

>> Everything is broken down into

categories and then cross referenced and

then colorcoded to correspond with the

forms in the back.

>> Thank you. I think I just had a tiny

orgasm.

[laughter]

I know the process is frustrating, but

it's so worth it. Adopting Owen was the

best thing that ever happened to us.

>> That's great. Can I see the book?

>> You want me to wash my hands first,

don't you?

>> It's just so pretty and white.

>> Bathroom is down the hall to your left.

>> I would have told him to do it, too. Can

I adopt you?

Hey, you must be Owen.

>> Yeah,

>> I'm Chandler. Hey, I was in the scouts,

too.

>> You were?

>> Yeah. In fact, my father was a

denmother.

[laughter]

>> Huh?

>> You know how to use a compass?

>> I have a badge in it.

>> You do? That's fantastic.

>> You want to see it?

>> I'd love to, but I got to get back to

talking to your parents. They're telling

us all about how they adopted you.

>> What? [laughter]

What?

>> I'm adopted.

>> I got nothing.

>> Bill and Colleen. [music]

>> No, they're in the kitchen getting us

something to eat. Can you believe how

nice they are?

>> We have to leave.

>> Why? What did you do in the bathroom?

>> I didn't get to the bathroom. I bumped

into Owen on the way and he didn't know

he was adopted. And there's a slight

chance I may have told them.

>> Oh my god, where's my purse? No, you

know what? I can replace everything in

there. Get that binder and let's go.

[laughter]

>> Some little snacks for everybody. Oh,

you don't have to eat the sour worms.

Those are for Owen. [laughter]

>> I'll go get him in a second. Uh, by the

way, you should know we haven't told him

he's adopted yet.

>> But kids are so intuitive.

>> Don't you think on some level he already

knows?

>> I'm adopted.

>> See, intuitive.

What? Where did you hear that?

>> He told me.

>> And he paid me $50 not to tell.

[laughter]

>> Which technically now you should give

back.

[cheering]

>> You told him he's adopted.

>> I'm so sorry, but you should have a sign

out there or something or at least

whisper it to people when they come in

the door. Owen doesn't know he's

adopted, and he also thinks Santa is

real.

>> HE ISN'T.

WE HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE, BABY.

>> We just want to give you a heads up.

Bill and Colleen hate us.

>> Owen didn't know he was adopted. Monica

told him.

>> Still, he had to find out sometime.

>> Yeah, but how would you like it if

someone told the triplets that you gave

birth to them?

[laughter]

>> I'm going to go tell Emma she was an

accident.

>> [cheering]

[music]

>> This is so exciting. So glamorous.

People taking our picture. How do I

look? A little tall.

What? Hey, would you mind crouching down

a little bit so that I look taller?

There you go. [laughter]

>> [music]

[applause]

>> Good job, Joe. Well done. Top notch.

>> You liked it? You really liked it?

>> Oh, yeah. [laughter]

Which part exactly?

>> The whole thing. Here we go.

>> No, no, no, no. Give me some specifics.

I love the specifics. The specifics were

the best part.

Hey, [laughter] what about the scene

with the kangaroo?

>> Did you Did you like that part?

>> I was surprised to see a kangaroo

[laughter]

>> in a World War I epic.

You fell asleep.

There was no kangaroo. They didn't take

any of my suggestions. [laughter]

[applause]

>> Thanks a lot for coming, buddy. See you

later.

>> Don't go. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. LOOK,

THIS GUY FELL ASLEEP. He fell asleep,

too. Be mad at him [laughter]

or call an ambulance.

>> Hey, uh, Ra, funny story. I bumped into

Joanna on the street yesterday.

>> My boss Joanna? Wow, that must have been

awkward.

>> Well, no, actually, she asked me if I

wanted to get a drink.

>> You uh, didn't say yes to that, did you?

>> No.

>> No. [laughter]

>> Hello, Rachel.

[laughter]

Well, not at first. [laughter]

>> What is she doing here?

>> I don't understand. Last time you went

out with her, you said she was a big

dull dud.

>> Well, I think I judged her too quickly.

And this time, we were able to take the

relationship to the next level.

>> Well, last time I almost got fired. You

must end it. You must end it now.

>> Oh, come on. It's not like this is an

everyday occurrence for me. I mean,

usually I'm pretty much just in there by

myself.

[laughter]

>> Hi.

[laughter]

What?

>> Rachel, could I see you for a moment?

>> Does that hurt?

>> No, I just always see guys doing this

when they get handcuffs taken off.

>> Hello, sweetheart.

>> Wait a minute. What are you going to

tell Joanna?

>> About what?

>> When she sees that you're gone, she's

going to know that I let you out and

that I was in here and I'M GOING TO GET

FIRED.

>> I'LL MAKE SOMETHING UP. I'M good at

lying. I actually did borrow your

Walkman. [laughter]

>> No, there's nothing to make up. She's

going to know that I have a key to her

office. I've got to get you locked back

the way you were.

>> I don't think so.

[laughter]

Well, this is much better.

>> No. God, would you just calm down?

[laughter]

>> I'm going to say this for the last time.

Would you please JUST

[laughter]

buy and wrap all of your Christmas

gifts?

>> No. [sighs and gasps]

[snorts] I uh Oh, I'll squeeze you fresh

orange juice every morning

>> with extra pulp.

>> Yeah.

>> No,

[laughter]

>> I got it.

>> You don't have it.

>> I [laughter] so got it. There's going to

be rumors about this. There's no way to

stop it. Sophie knows. Monica and Phoebe

know.

>> How do Monica and Phoebe know?

>> Oh, I called them. [laughter]

When they ask me what I saw, I can be

very generous [laughter]

>> or very stingy.

>> Go on.

>> I can make you a legend.

I can make you this generation's Milton

Burl. [laughter]

>> And Milton Burl has

>> Oh, not compared to you.

>> Hello.

>> Hey. Hey.

>> Hello, Chandler.

>> I love you.

>> Hey, what's going on?

>> Oh,

>> no, he doesn't. [laughter]

>> Two hours that lasted.

>> Great.

>> Okay, now remember, no trading. You get

the pretty one, I get the mess.

[laughter]

>> Hi, Joey. Hey.

>> Well, well, look what you brought. Very

nice.

>> And what did you bring?

>> She's checking her coat. Joey, I'm going

to go wash the cab smell off my hands.

Will you get me a white Zinfendel and a

glass of red for Janice?

[laughter]

>> Janice.

Janice.

>> Oh my god.

[applause]

>> Hey, it's Planet.

>> You know, [laughter]

ever since I was little, I've been able

to pick up quarters with my toes.

>> Yeah.

Good for you.

>> Uh, quarters or rolls of quarters.

[laughter]

>> By the way, Chandler, I cut you out of

all my pictures. So, if you want, I have

a bag with just your heads. [laughter]

>> That's okay.

>> Are you sure? Really? Because you know,

you could make little puppets out of

them and you could use them in your

theater of cruelty.

[laughter]

>> We can't do that.

>> What? What can't [laughter] you do?

>> Uh, can I talk to you for a second over

there?

[laughter]

>> Uh,

we might be leaving now.

Tell me it's you and me. We

She said she wants to slather my body

with stuff and then lick it off. I'm not

even sure what slathering is, [laughter]

but I definitely want to be a part of

it.

>> Okay. You cannot do this to me.

>> You're right. I'm sorry. You're right.

Okay.

>> Uh, can we have three chocolate mouses

to go, please?

>> I'm out of here. [laughter]

Here's

my credit card. Dinner's on me. I'm

sorry, Chandler. I hope she throws up on

you.

>> Thanks.

>> So,

>> just us.

>> Oh, what a crappy night.

>> Although, I have enjoyed the fact that

uh your shirt's been sticking out of

your zipper ever since you came back

from the bathroom.

Excuse [laughter]

me.

>> How you doing?

>> Oh, I miss you already.

>> Can you believe this happened?

>> No. No.

>> And yet it did. [laughter]

Goodbye, Janice.

>> Kiss me.

Oh, Chandler, sorry.

Oh, Chandler, sorry. [laughter]

>> Hey, Janice. Hi, Monica.

>> Okay, well, this was very special.

>> Great. SHE COULDN'T SEE WHO'S OUT HERE.

WHAT'S GOING ON? Oh my god,

Janice. Ty.

>> Janice is going to go away now.

[laughter]

I'll be right back. Oh,

Joey, look who it is.

>> Whoa.

[laughter]

>> Oh, good. Joey's home now.

>> This is so much fun. This is like a

reunion in the hall. [laughter]

>> Oh, hi Ross. Yeah, there's someone I

want you to say hi to.

>> He just happened to go.

>> Hello, Ross. Yes, that's right. It's me.

How did you now?

[music]

>> Hey,

>> what's the matter?

>> Somebody on the subway licked my neck.

Lick my neck.

>> Oh, Willie is still alive.

>> What are you guys doing?

>> Oh, my mom called. They're going to run

our engagement announcement in the local

paper. So, we're looking for a good

picture of us.

>> Ooh, I'm afraid that does not exist.

[laughter]

>> That's not true. They're great pictures

of us.

>> No, there are great pictures of you

standing next to a guy who's going like

this.

Oh my god. That's the creep that you're

with at the Statue of Liberty.

>> I don't know what it is. I just can't

take a good picture.

>> Here's a great one.

>> Yeah, I'm not in that.

>> I know, but look at me all tan.

[laughter] Hey, why don't you guys go

get portraits done by a professional

photographer?

>> It's a great idea. I bet they have one

of those wind machines, you know, like

[laughter]

>> Yeah, that's great. Next to that,

Chandler won't look so stupid.

>> [laughter]

>> Jana, what do you say?

>> All right, but I should warn you. I'm

not going. I'm going.

[music]

>> Great. That's great, Monica. Great.

[laughter]

Now, Chandler, you want to give us a

smile?

>> Okay.

>> I'm sorry. Is the seat uncomfortable?

>> No, I am.

>> Okay. there. See, I know you can do

this. Okay. You have a beautiful smile.

>> I do?

>> Yeah.

>> All right. Maybe you don't have to

smile. Let's try something else. Let's

try um try looking sexy.

>> Okay.

>> Or not.

I know. Let's try a look

of far off wonderment. Okay, we'll we'll

gaze into our future and we'll think

about our marriage and the days to come.

[laughter]

Chandler, what is the matter with your

face? [laughter] Wait, this picture is

supposed to say Geller and being to be

married, not local woman saves drowning

...

[laughter] Hey, don't laugh at him. He's

my drowning

>> That's it. That's it. Take it. Take it.

[laughter]

>> I like this one. It seems to say I love

you and that's why I have to kill you.

[laughter]

>> They can't all be bad. Find the one

where you make your bedroom eyes.

>> Oh, there it is.

>> Oh my god, those are my bedroom eyes.

Why did you ever sleep with me?

>> Do you really want to pull at that

thread?

>> Sweetie, that's a great smile. Easy,

natural. Now, pretend I have a camera.

[laughter]

>> Are you changing it?

>> I can't help it.

>> All right. All right. All right. All

right. All right. You want to know what

I do when I take resume shots?

>> Borrow money from me.

>> Yeah. Okay. First, first of all, you

want to make it look spontaneous, right?

Okay. So, here's what I do. I look down.

Look down. Keep looking down. Then I

look up.

See? All right. Now, you try. Look down.

You're looking down. Keep looking down.

Why is there jelly on your shoe? I had a

donut.

[music]

>> Hey, there you are.

>> There I am.

You okay?

>> Yeah. Joey said I uh I needed to relax,

so he gave me an antihistamine.

[laughter]

>> What?

>> Yeah. And I fell asleep on the subway

and went all the way to Brooklyn.

Brooklyn is far.

[laughter]

Jaylen, what were you thinking?

>> No, no, but don't worry. Don't worry

because I know how to take a picture

now. Okay. See? Look down.

Look down.

Look down.

Chandler.

>> Yeah,

>> guys, check it out. My mom sent me make

the paper.

>> Oh, let's take it. Okay.

>> Oh, yeah. That looks good.

>> You guys make a very attractive couple.

[laughter]

>> Yeah, we look great together.

>> We really do.

>> Okay.

Wow. Imagine what our kids would look

like.

>> You know, we don't have to imagine.

[laughter]

>> I'm marrying her.

>> Well, just see.

[laughter]

>> What took you so long?

>> I got caught up at work, but I'm

quitting tomorrow.

So, thanks for having me over.

[laughter]

>> Ra

[cheering]

peeps.

[laughter]

>> See you.

[laughter]

>> What the hell was that?

probably some, you know, European

goodbye thing he picked up in London.

That's not European.

>> It felt French.

[music]

>> Good morning, everybody.

>> Can I get you a cup of coffee, sir?

>> Oh, no, no, no. I'm an intern just like

you guys, except for the tie, the

briefcase, and the fact that I can rent

a car.

Seriously, you're an intern?

>> Yeah, well, I'm kind of heading in a new

career direction, and you know, you got

to start at the bottom,

>> dude.

>> All right. Look, I know I'm a little bit

older than you guys, but it's not like

I'm Bob Hope,

>> the comedian. Uso.

>> Uh, it's USA, sir.

[music]

>> Eve, how's it going?

>> I'm doing okay. I think it's going well.

Do you think they're having fun? Am I

talking too fast?

>> Nope. Sound like me.

>> Babes is going great. Look at Chandler

with little baby girl Chandler.

>> Little baby girl Chandler. Where have I

heard that before? All right, Coach

Ruben.

[laughter]

>> You know what, Feebs? Uh, when you're

done over there, we've got a kind of

situation over here, too.

>> Nuh-uh. No, we are all responsible for

our own babies.

>> See, that's where I think that you're

wrong. We've been playing these babies

manto man. We should really be playing a

zone defense. [laughter]

>> What do you mean?

>> I just think things will go a lot

smoother if we each have our own zone.

You know, Phoebe, you can be in charge

of wiping

>> and you know, man, you can be in charge

of diapering and I can be in charge of

looking how cute they are when they put

their hands around.

>> That sounds really great. But maybe you

should be in charge of wiping.

>> Okay, I'm a rookie. I should not be in

the end zone. [laughter]

>> Jenna, what are you doing? I mean, that

thing could put someone's eye out.

>> He can do more than that. He can destroy

the universe.

>> No, Jammer. They could swallow one of

those little parts. And also, look at

his smooth area. That's just going to

mess them up.

>> All right, I thought about it. And maybe

you're right. Maybe Crog is not a safe

toy.

>> Oh, good. What made you change your

mind?

>> I swallowed a sonic blaster gun.

[laughter]

>> How did that happen?

Well, I was trying to prove that I was

right, you know, and turns out I was

wrong, and now it's lodged in my throat.

>> These are asleep. I'm sure you'll be

okay on your own for a while.

>> But you you can't leave me with them.

We're We're a team. We're playing a

zone. They're going to triple team me.

>> He's got something plastic lodged into

his throat. We've got to go to the

hospital.

>> But no, because a doctor won't be able

to help him. It's just going to, you

know, naturally pass through his system

in like seven years.

[laughter]

>> I think that's gum.

>> I'm pretty sure it's gum.

>> So, I totally took care of the babies

all by myself. I fed them, bathed them,

and put them to bed

>> and protected them from a tornado.

[laughter]

>> Oh my god.

>> I know. The babies are asleep.

>> What? What happened here?

>> I did it. I took care of the babies all

by myself. [laughter] My apartment

>> was the setting of Phoebe's triumph.

>> But the mess

>> is not as important as the fact that

Phoebe took care of the babies all by

herself.

You're

>> right. You're right. I shouldn't freak

out cuz this is what it's going to be

like when you and I have babies. When

will that be?

[laughter]

>> Phoebe, would you take a LOOK AT THIS

MESS?

>> What have you been up to? Oh, you know,

the usual. Teaching aerobics,

partying way too much.

Oh, and in case you were wondering,

those are my legs on the new James Bond

poster.

>> Can you hold on a moment? I have another

call.

>> I love her.

>> I know.

>> I'm back.

>> So, are we going to get together or

what?

>> Uh, absolutely. Uh, how about tomorrow

afternoon? Do you know uh Central Park

in the village? Say fiveish.

>> Great. I'll see you then.

>> Okay. [laughter]

Okay.

Having a phone has finally paid off.

Okay. Even though you do do a good Bob

impression, I'm thinking when she sees

you tomorrow, she's probably going to

realize, hey, you're not Bob.

>> I am hoping that when Bob doesn't show

up, she will seek comfort in the open

arms of the ry stranger at the next

table.

Oh my god, you are pure evil.

>> Okay, pure evil.

Horny and alone.

[laughter]

I've done this.

>> Still doing the screaming thing.

>> I had sex today.

I never have to answer that phone again.

[laughter]

>> Babe, you know what to do.

>> Hey, Bob, it's Jade. Listen, I just

wanted to tell you that I was really

hurt when you didn't show up the other

day. And just so you know, I ended up

meeting a guy.

>> Bob here.

>> Oh, hi.

>> So, uh, you met someone, huh?

>> Yes. Yes, I did. In fact, I had sex with

him two hours ago.

[laughter]

>> So, uh, how was he?

>> [cheering]

[laughter]

>> Hey.

>> Oh, Bob. He was nothing compared to you.

[laughter] I had to bite my lip to keep

from screaming your name.

>> Well, that makes me feel so good.

>> It was just so awkward and bumpy.

Well, maybe he has some kind of uh new

uh cool style that you're not familiar

with and uh maybe you have to get used

to it.

>> Well, there really wasn't much time to

get used to it, if you know what I mean.

>> It'll be great. You just make her think

you want to have sex with her. It'll

totally figure out.

[laughter]

>> Okay, listen. How far am I going to have

to go with her?

>> Relax. She's going to give in way before

you do.

>> How do you know?

>> Because you're on my team and my team

always wins

>> at this

Just go get some. Go. [laughter]

>> Okay, honey. Now, I'm going to try to

listen from right here.

>> Okay.

>> Okay. Oh, wait.

>> Good idea.

>> Yeah. Oh, wait. Don't give away the

farm. Okay.

>> Phoebe.

>> Chandler,

>> come on in.

>> I was going to

Um, I brought some wine. Would you like

some?

>> Sure.

[laughter]

>> So, here we are.

>> Nervous?

>> Me?

>> No. You?

>> No. I want this to happen.

[laughter]

>> So do I.

>> [laughter]

>> Oh, you're uh you're going

>> um not without you, lover. [laughter]

>> So,

this is my bra.

It's very, very nice.

Well, come here.

I'm very happy we're going to have all

the sex.

[laughter]

>> You should be. I'm very bendy.

[laughter]

>> I'm going to kiss you now.

>> Not if I kiss you first. [laughter]

[laughter]

[screaming]

>> [laughter]

>> Well, I guess there's nothing left for

us to do but but kiss.

>> Here it comes.

Our first kiss.

[laughter]

>> OKAY. OKAY. OKAY. OKAY.

YOU IN I CAN'T HAVE SEX WITH YOU.

>> And why not?

>> Because I'm in love with Monica.

>> You're You're what? [cheering]

[applause]

>> That's right. I love her. I love her.

>> I love you, Monica. [snorts]

>> I love you, too, Chandler.

[cheering]

[applause]

I thought you guys were doing it. I

didn't know you were in love,

>> dude.

And hats off to Phoebe. Quite a

competitor. [laughter]

>> And may I say your breasts are still

short.

>> God. I got to tell you, I love your

mom's books. I love her books. I cannot

get on a plane without one. I mean, this

is so cool.

>> Yeah. Well, you wouldn't think it's cool

if you're 11 years old and all your

friends are passing around page 79 of

Mistress

Hey, hey, hey, she's on.

Ah,

>> no.

Before we get into the book now, now

what is this about you? You you being

arrested in London. What is that all

about?

>> Your mom was arrested.

>> Shh. Busy beaming with pride.

>> This is kind of embarrassing. But

occasionally after I've been intimate

with a man.

>> Now, why would she say that's

embarrassing?

>> [laughter]

>> I just get this craving for Kungpow

chicken.

>> THAT'S TOO MUCH INFORMATION.

>> All right. So, now you're doing this

whole book tour thing. How is that

going?

>> Oh, fine. I'm leaving for New York

tomorrow, which I hate, but I get to see

my son, who I love.

>> This is the way that I find out. Most

moms use the phone.

>> You know, I don't take this wrong. I I

just don't see you as a mom somehow. I

don't mean that I don't mean that bad.

>> Oh, no. I am a fabulous mom. I brought

my son his first condoms

>> and then he burst into flames. This can

happen on anniversary ever.

>> Oh, good. All right. You decided to tell

about the Richard thing.

[laughter]

>> What? What Richard things?

>> Oh, no.

What Richard think?

>> Simmons. Go with Simmons. [laughter]

>> Okay. I um I ran into Richard yesterday

and he asked me if I wanted to go for a

bite and I did. And the only reason why

I didn't tell you is because I I knew

you'd get mad and I didn't want to spoil

our anniversary.

>> I'm not mad.

[laughter]

>> Really?

>> Oh, yeah.

Yeah. So, you you bumped into Richard.

You grabbed a bite.

>> No big deal.

>> Great.

>> Okay. London one.

>> Eric, what kind of photography uh do you

do?

>> Oh, mostly fashion. So, there may be

models here from time to time. I hope

that's cool.

>> Yes, it is cool.

Uh because I have models here, you know,

never.

[laughter] What else? Oh, [cheering]

yeah. During the summer, I spend most

weekends at my sister's beach house,

which you are welcome to use, by the

way. Although, I should probably tell

you she's a porn star.

Well, listen. I uh still have one more

person to uh meet, but unless it turns

out to be your sister,

I think your chances are pretty good.

All right.

>> Who are you?

>> Hi, I'm Eric. I'm going to be Chandler's

new roommate.

>> I'm Chandler's new roommate.

>> I don't think so.

>> I could be Chandler's new roommate.

>> But he told me over the phone.

>> He told me in person.

>> That's weird.

>> Well, I'm going to uh going to my new

apartment now.

Hey.

[laughter]

>> Hey.

>> Hey. How was it?

>> Well, I had a great time. Um, Chanty on

the other hand,

>> I will tell the story. It was going

great. I let him win. We were bonding.

He even said that I could call him dad.

>> And what did he ask you not to call him?

Daddy. [laughter]

All right, look. Here's the story.

Well, we had just finished playing

raetball and we were going to take a

steam. I walk into the steam room and

it's really steamy.

So, I take off my glasses and that's

when it happened. Guys,

>> over here. Have a seat, son. [laughter]

Hey.

[applause]

[music]

>> Oh my god, Chandler. I can't believe it.

>> I know.

>> You gave my father a lap dance.

>> Why do they put so much steam in there?

[laughter]

Cuz otherwise they'd have to call it the

room room.

>> Why? Okay. Why? Why did that have to

happen?

>> Come on. It's not that big a deal.

>> Not that big a deal. There

there was touching of things.

>> I know you wanted to bond with my dad,

but did you really have to bond to that

part?

>> Listen, I'm sure the dad doesn't care.

He probably thought this was really

funny. He'll be telling the story for

years.

>> I don't want him to tell this story for

years.

>> Oh, but he will. [laughter]

>> He still tells a story about how Monica

tried to escape from fat camp.

>> I wasn't escaping.

>> Then how'd you get caught in the barbed

wire?

>> I was trying to help out a squirrel.

>> You were trying to eat it.

If that is your father calling to tell

this story, then the marriage is off.

>> Come on. Hello.

I'm sorry. You have the wrong number.

>> Okay. I'll call you later, Dad. I love

you.

[music]

>> All right. I'm off to see your dad.

>> Whoa. Whoa. Aren't you a little

overdressed?

>> Yeah. And And you better make sure he

tips you this time. [laughter]

Look, I figured I would try to convince

him not to tell the story anymore. And I

figured the best way to do that was face

to face. And by face, I don't mean his

lap. And by face, I don't mean my ass.

[music]

>> So, you understand, I'd feel a lot more

comfortable if you didn't tell people

what happened. You know, I'm a little

I'm a little embarrassed about it.

>> I understand completely. There's nothing

more horrifying than embarrassing

yourself in front of your in-laws. As a

matter of fact, when I started dating

Judy, I was unemployed and her father

asked me what I did for a living and I

told him I was a lawyer.

>> What'd you do when they found out?

>> They never did. So, if you ever see me

giving them legal advice, just not

alone.

Shall we?

[laughter]

[laughter]

>> So, I guess we wear swimsuits in here.

>> Chandler Bing.

>> Hi, honey. We're all here. We just want

to wish you a merry Christmas.

>> Merry Christmas.

>> Merry Christmas.

>> [laughter]

>> No. Merry Christmas. I miss you guys.

>> So, is it horrible? Is everybody working

really hard?

>> Uh, well, no. It's just uh me and Wendy.

>> Wendy? That sounds like a girl's name.

>> It is. Did I not tell you about her?

>> Mhm. About the time you told me about

New Year's Eve. Where is everybody else?

>> I sent them home.

>> Oh, you are such a good boss. Is she

pretty? [laughter]

Uh uh.

>> Answer faster. Answer faster.

>> I don't know.

>> Answer better. Answer better. [laughter]

>> I don't think of her that way, you know.

I mean, she's a uh she's a colleague.

>> What does she do there?

>> Oh, she's regional vice president. She's

just below me.

>> She did what? [laughter]

>> Below me.

[laughter]

>> Oh, wait. Is Wendy the runnerup Miss

Oklahoma? What? [laughter]

>> Well, she she didn't win.

>> All right. Well, maybe I should let you

and the second prettiest girl in

Oklahoma get back to work.

>> Well, second prettiest that year. I

mean, of all the girls in Oklahoma,

she's probably

>> No, Chandler, stop talking. [laughter]

>> Honey, there's really nothing to worry

about.

>> Okay,

>> I'm serious.

>> Okay.

>> Merry Christmas.

>> Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas you

guys.

[laughter]

[snorts]

>> The wife says hi.

>> Ah, fun conversation.

>> Oh, well, she's just got this weird idea

that uh you know, just because you and I

are alone that something's going to

happen.

>> Huh? Really?

That be so terrible?

This is probably the wrong thing to be

worrying about, but you're getting ham

on my only tie.

Nothing. This is the 9 millionth ring

store we've been to, and I can't find

the perfect ring. Ugly ring. Ugly ring.

Ugly ring. [laughter]

It's a beautiful selection.

[laughter]

Okay. So, maybe you don't get her a

ring. Maybe you maybe you do something

different, you know? Maybe you get her

an engagement bracelet, you know, or an

engagement tiara or oh, an engagement

revolutionary war musket.

[laughter]

>> You know, I'm so glad I picked you to

help me with this.

>> Can't you just imagine getting down on

one knee and handing her this gorgeous

piece of weaponry?

>> Yeah, I'm going to stick with the ring.

Could you be more out of my league?

Ross, back me up here.

>> He can never get a woman like that in a

million years.

>> Thank you, buddy.

>> Oh. Oh, but you know, you always see

these really beautiful women with these

really nothing guys. You could be one of

those guys.

[laughter]

>> You could do that.

>> Absolutely.

>> Oh god, I can't believe I'm even

considering this. I'm very, very aware

of my tongue.

>> Come on. Come on. Here it goes.

>> Yes.

>> Hi. Um, [clears throat] okay. Next word

would be uh Chandler.

Chandler is my name and uh

[clears throat] hi.

>> Yes, you said that.

>> Yes. Yes, I did. But what I didn't say

was what I was about to say. What I

wanted to say was uh would you like to

go out with me sometime? Thank you. Good

night.

>> Hey you guys.

>> Oh. Hi.

>> Hey. Listen. Let me ask you. Do you

believe in soulmates?

>> Oh yes I do. I do. I believe that there

is one perfect person out there for

everyone. And you know how you find him?

You stop looking for him. That's why

I've stopped looking for Russell Crowe.

>> He'll find me.

>> Uhhuh. Uh-huh. And you?

>> No. I mean, I believe that certain

people are more suited for each other

and I believe in falling in love, but

soulmates, I don't think they exist.

>> Okay, good.

>> Why?

>> Well, last night I met Monica's.

[laughter]

>> What? Yeah, I I had a date with this guy

and I swear to God he is her other half.

>> Come on, don't be crazy. You don't think

there's somebody out there better suited

for Monica than me, do you?

[laughter]

>> But what's he like?

>> Well, he's tall.

>> Uh-huh.

>> He has brown hair.

>> Of course. Of course.

>> A tall guy with hair similar to mine.

Oh, a noble universe.

[laughter]

>> He works with food. Oh, sure. Older,

>> obviously. And he's British. I was just

going to ask.

>> Yeah.

>> And he's he's so centered and mature and

confident. Oh, it's so sad. They never

had a chance to meet.

>> Luckily, the guy she settled for can't

hear what you're talking about.

>> Oh, I'm so sorry. Um, and maybe I'm

wrong. I But you know what? I'm going to

go out with him again. I'll find out

more.

>> You believe that this guy is destined

for somebody else and you're still going

to date him?

>> Well, he may not be my soulmate, but

girls got to eat.

>> Oh. Oh,

>> hi.

>> Hi.

>> Um, Chandler, Monica, this is Dawn.

>> Oh, hey. Hello.

>> Hello. Nice to meet you. You, too.

>> How are you?

>> Hello, mate.

[laughter]

>> So, what have you guys been doing?

>> Well, we just had a terrible lunch at

Adriatica. What is with all the sundried

tomatoes at that place?

>> I know. What is this, 1985?

>> That's exactly what I said, Phoebe.

Isn't that strange?

>> Not really. [laughter]

>> What's wrong with sundried tomatoes?

on a barbecue chicken pizza.

>> No.

>> So, Dom, what what other restaurants do

you like?

>> Well, Octavio 27 and 7. Oh, there's this

great little place, Aleandro.

>> Oh my god, that's my restaurant. I'm the

chef there.

>> You're kidding me. You your food is

fantastic. Wow. I really want to talk to

you about your menu. I'm just going to

get some coffees first. Um, anyone want

anything?

>> Oh, I'd like a latte. You know what? If

you're going to talk about me, I'm going

to go with you.

What are you doing?

>> Nothing. I swear to God, I didn't know

you guys would be here. And the good

news is you don't even believe in

soulmates. So,

>> I believe in tall, handsome strangers

who hit on my wife.

>> They're just talking. And you know what?

Just cuz I think they're soulmates

doesn't mean anything's going to happen.

>> Good work.

>> Yeah.

>> Yeah. I'm afraid I love him. [laughter]

>> Don't worry, we'll find you someone

else.

So, I've been slowly phasing out the

wine importing and focusing more on the

um cheese side of things.

>> Cheese, you say?

That's some pretty smelly work, huh,

Don? [laughter]

>> Excuse me? Cheese? It's smelly.

You must smell a lot of the time, too.

[laughter]

>> Uh, not really. But when it comes to

cheese, I'm one of those people who

thinks the smellier the better.

>> Me, too. Yeah. Chandler can't stand it.

He He won't even allow me to have blue

cheese in the house.

>> And you're still married to him.

[laughter]

[cheering]

>> I'd like to have Don and Phoebe over.

Wouldn't that be nice?

>> Sure. Why don't you set it up? I'll just

be over here browsing through the

personals.

>> Are you okay? You've been acting weird

all afternoon.

>> Yeah, fine. Fine. Not perfect, but good

enough.

>> Jeez, what is with you?

>> I'm sorry. Did you say cheese?

All right. What's going on?

>> Phoebe thinks that you and Don are

soulmates, and I don't believe in that

kind of stuff. But then you two totally

get along. So, look, I won't stand in

your way if you want to run off with

Dawn and live in a house of cheese.

[laughter]

>> Taylor, you don't believe in soulmates?

>> No, but I'm sure Tommatoes does.

[laughter]

>> I don't believe in soulmates either.

>> You don't?

>> No. I don't think that you and I were

destined to end up together. I think

that we fell in love and and we work

hard at our relationship. Some days we

work really hard. [laughter]

>> So you you don't want to live with Donna

in the cheese house?

>> No, I I I've had second thoughts about

that. Do you realize how hard that would

be to clean? [laughter]

>> I love you.

>> I know.

>> You know what? I'm going to take you out

to dinner tonight. I found this place

that makes the greatest mozzarella

sticks and jalapeno poppers.

>> [laughter]

>> No, really. They taste so good.

>> You know what? But there there is no

right or wrong here.

>> No, I think it's very obvious who's

wrong here.

>> Obviously, not to Joey.

>> What?

>> Joey about the same way that I no

>> guess what I am.

[laughter]

Look what YOU'RE DOING AT CHANDLER.

>> WHAT? What are you doing?

>> Do you know what just happened?

>> Yeah, we we had sex and then we fell

asleep. [laughter]

>> No, we were in the middle of sex

[laughter]

and you fell asleep.

No, no, that's not true. No. Best time

ever.

[laughter]

You rocked my world.

>> Monica,

>> what?

>> I was giving you some of my best moves

and you missed it. So, please wake up so

we can do it right. [laughter]

>> Okay. Okay. I'm ready. Come on, big

fella.

>> Give me the good stuff.

>> Yeah. [laughter]

>> No, no, no. Don't fall asleep.

>> Okay, I'm going to make you some coffee.

Oh, I probably won't spill coffee

grounds all over the kitchen floor.

>> Okay, I'm up. I'm up.

Key Vocabulary

Vocabulary	Meanings
relationship /rɪˈleɪʃənʃɪp/ B1	noun - the way in which two or more people or things are connected
marriage /ˈmærɪdʒ/ B1	noun - the legally or formally recognized union of two people as partners in a personal relationship
transfer /trænsˈfɜːr/ B2	verb - move from one place to another
precious /ˈpreʃəs/ B2	adjective - of great value; not to be wasted or treated carelessly
luggage /ˈlʌɡɪdʒ/ B1	noun - bags, suitcases, and other containers holding a traveler's belongings
pretend /prɪˈtend/ B1	verb - speak and act as if something is the case when it is not
frustrating /ˈfrʌstreɪtɪŋ/ B2	adjective - causing annoyance or upset because of an inability to change or achieve something
celebrate /ˈselɪbreɪt/ A2	verb - acknowledge a significant or happy day or event with a social gathering or enjoyable activity
apologize /əˈpɒlədʒaɪz/ B1	verb - express regret for something that one has done wrong
survive /səˈvaɪv/ B1	verb - continue to live or exist, especially in spite of danger or hardship
repair /rɪˈpeər/ B1	verb - fix or mend a broken, damaged, or impaired thing
damage /ˈdæmɪdʒ/ B1	noun - physical harm caused to something in such a way as to impair its value, usefulness, or normal function
consider /kənˈsɪdər/ B1	verb - think carefully about something, typically before making a decision
awkward /ˈɔːkwərd/ B2	adjective - causing or feeling uneasy embarrassment or inconvenience
generous /ˈdʒenərəs/ B1	adjective - showing a readiness to give more of something, especially money or time, than is strictly necessary or expected