– English Lyrics

Lyrics & Translation

[English]

Hey, look at me. I'm making jam. Been at

it since 4:00 this morning.

>> Where'd you get fruit at 4 in the

morning?

>> Went down to the docks. Hey, bet you

didn't know you can get it wholesale. I

didn't know there were docks.

>> Hey. Hey.

>> Oh, is it broken?

>> No. I'm going to wear this thing for a

couple of weeks.

>> Did you tell the doctor you did it

jumping up and down on your bed?

>> No. had a whole story worked out, but

then uh Chandler sold me out.

>> Well, I'm sorry, Joe. I didn't think the

doctor was going to buy that. It just

fell out of the socket.

>> What is this fruit?

>> Monica's making jam.

>> Whoa, jam. I love jam. Hey, how come we

never have jam at our place? Because the

kids need new shoes.

>> One end of business, people. I'm sick

and tired of being depressed about

Richard. I needed a plan. Plan to get

over my man. What's the opposite of man?

Jam.

>> Oh, Joey. Don't. It's way too hot.

[laughter]

>> This will just be my batch.

>> M.

>> Gone for more jars. back later. Monica

Geller.

>> So, now we draw cards. [laughter]

>> So, I wouldn't need any, right? Cuz I

have a straight.

>> Congratulations.

>> Okay, Feebs. How many do you want?

>> Okay, I just need two. The um 10 of

spades and the six of clubs.

[clears throat]

>> No. Uh Feebs, you can't do that. You

can't

>> Oh, wait. I have the 10 of spades. You

want them?

>> Uh, no. See, uh, you you can't do that.

>> No, no, no, no. That's okay. That's

okay. I don't need them. I'm going for

force.

>> Oh, you're [laughter]

[music]

>> Damn it. Damn it. Damn it.

>> Yeah,

>> I see. So then, um, you were lying

>> about what?

>> About how good your cards were.

>> I was bluffing.

>> Aha. And what is bluffing?

[laughter]

Is it not another word for lying?

>> [laughter]

>> Okay. Sorry to break up this party, but

I've got resumes to facts before work

tomorrow.

>> Ra, we got to settle.

>> Settle what?

>> The Jamestown colony of Virginia.

[laughter]

>> You see, King George is giving us the

land. So, [laughter]

>> the game, Rachel, the game. You owe us

money for the game.

>> Oh, right.

>> You know what, you guys? It's their

first time. Why don't we just forget

about the money?

>> Well, no. We'll pay

Monica had another answer already.

[laughter]

And you know what? We want a rematch.

>> Well, that's fine with me. Could use the

money.

>> All right. Your money's mine, Green.

>> Your fly is open, Geller. [laughter]

>> You guys, you know what I just realized?

Joker is poker with a J.

>> [laughter]

>> Coincidence?

>> Hey, that's that's Joe incidents with a

C.

[laughter]

>> Uh, Phoebe. Phoebe.

>> Yeah, I'm I'm out.

I'm in. Me, too.

>> Me, too. All right. What do you got?

Well, you better hop out of the shower

cuz I got a flush. [laughter]

>> Well, well, well. Hop back in, bucko,

CUZ I GOT FOUR SIXES. I GOT FOUR SIXES.

I WON. I actually won. Oh my. You

[screaming] know what? I think I'm going

to make a little Ross pile. [laughter]

I think that one was Ross's. And I think

Oh, that one was Ross's.

>> [laughter]

>> Thank you.

>> Oh, thank you very much. [laughter]

>> Oh, thank you for coming.

>> Uh, just a second.

>> No, no, let me in,

>> Phoebe.

>> Yeah. C,

>> can you hold on just one minute?

>> No, you have to let me in right now.

[laughter]

>> Are you alone?

>> Yes.

>> ALL RIGHT.

I GOT IT.

>> CONGRATULATIONS.

>> OKAY, my turn. My turn.

>> Okay.

[laughter]

Okay. Ready.

Okay. [laughter]

That was a terrible throw. I'm not going

to throw it right to you. That's not

real. I'm going to split it. You take

half and I take half.

>> Well, that's not fair. You've already

had some.

>> Well, oh then. You know what? I think

Monica would be very interested to know

that you called her cheesecake dry and

mealy.

>> What do we use to split it?

>> Okay. [laughter]

>> All right. Pick a half.

>> Okay. Well, this side looks bigger.

Uh, I think there's more crust on this

side.

>> Yeah.

>> So,

>> maybe if I measure.

>> Oh, for God's sake. Just pick a piece.

>> All right. Pick that.

>> So, [laughter] the smaller piece.

>> Okay. There you go. Enjoy your half, my

friend. But that is it. No sharing, no

switching, and don't come crying to me

if you eat your piece too fast.

>> [laughter]

>> All right. You going to give me some of

your piece?

>> Oh, no. No. No switching, no sharing,

and don't come crying to me.

I may just sit here and have my cake all

day. Just sit here in the hallway and

eat my

PBS.

>> What's [laughter] wrong with PBS?

>> Oh, what's right with them?

Why don't you like PBS, Feebs?

>> Right.

>> Cuz right after my mom killed herself, I

was just in this really bad place, you

know, personally.

>> So, [laughter]

I just thought that it would make me

feel better if I wrote to Sesame Street

cuz they were so nice when I was a

little kid.

No one ever wrote back.

>> Well, you know, a lot of those muppets

don't have thumbs.

>> All I got was a lousy keychain. And by

that time, I was living in a box. I

didn't have keys.

I'm sorry, Feebs. I just, you know, I

just wanted to do a good deed like like

you did with the babies.

>> This isn't a good deed. You just want to

get on TV. This is totally selfish.

>> Whoa, whoa, whoa.

What about you having those babies for

your brother? Talk about selfish.

[laughter]

>> What? What are you talking about?

>> Well, yeah, it was a really nice thing

and all, but it made you feel really

good, right?

>> Yeah. So,

>> well, it made you feel good, so that

makes it selfish. Look, there's no

unselfish good deeds. Sorry.

>> Yes, there are. There are totally good

deeds that are selfless.

>> Well, may I ask for one example?

>> Yeah, it's, you know, there's No, you

may not.

>> That's because all people are selfish.

>> Are you calling me selfish?

>> Are you calling you people?

[laughter]

Yeah. Well, sorry to burst that bubble,

thieves, but selfless good deeds don't

exist. Okay. And you know the deal on

Santa Claus, right?

>> I'm going to find a selfless good deed.

I'm going to beat you. You evil genius.

>> Easy, Ra. We'll find it, won't we?

>> Oh, yeah. Yeah.

>> Okay. Look.

[laughter]

>> All right. When'd you have it on last?

>> Doy.

>> Probably right before she lost it.

>> You don't get a lot of Doy these days.

You know, I had it this morning. I know

I had it when I was in the kitchen with

>> Dina.

[laughter]

>> Oh, don't be mad.

You didn't.

>> Oh, I'm sorry. I gave you one job.

>> Oh, but look how straight those noodles

are.

>> Now, Monica, you know that's not how you

look for an engagement ring in lasagna.

I just can't do it.

>> Boys,

we're going in.

>> Hey. Hi. Who wants French toast?

>> Oh, I'll have some. Me, too. Eggs and

milk in the fridge. Thanks.

>> Oh, what's the matter, honey?

>> Oh, my hand feels weird. I guess it's

because I'm engaged.

>> How long before that starts getting

annoying? Starts.

Yeah. So, let's actually get started on

the wedding plans.

>> Okay.

>> Already?

>> Yeah. We got a lot to do. We got to

think about the flowers, the caterers,

the music.

>> Oh, I got some thoughts on the

>> Oh, Chandler. Too many cooks.

>> Take it from me as the groom. All you

have to do is show up and try to say the

right name.

>> Okay.

>> What in God's name is that?

>> Oh my god. The wedding book. I haven't

seen that since the fourth grade.

This baby has got everything. Take you

know locations for instance. First

organized alphabetically then

geographically then square footage.

That is so smart.

Break it off. Break it off. Now

>> you know that girl you went to college

with who who became a movie director?

>> Oh yeah. Dana Keystone. She was in my

movement class.

>> What's a movement class? It's Chandler's

way of pretending he didn't take mime.

[laughter]

Oh,

>> well, listen. Anyway, she's directing

the new Al Pacino movie. You got to get

me an audition.

>> Oh, I don't know, man. I haven't talked

to her in like 10 years.

>> Oh, no. No. Please, please, Chandler. I

I would owe you so much.

>> You do owe me so much. [laughter]

>> You owe me 3,400.

>> Why are you changing the subject? What?

[laughter]

>> Will you make the call or what?

>> Okay, I'll I'll try.

>> All right. Thanks. You're the best. Now,

listen. The last day of auditions is

Thursday, okay? Okay. So, I got to get

in there by Thursday. Okay. Just

remember Thursday. Thursday. Can you

remember Thursday?

Yeah. So, Tuesday.

Thursday.

Look, if you need help remembering, just

think of it like this. The third day.

All right. Monday, one day. Tuesday,

Tuesday. Wednesday, when? Huh? What day?

Thursday.

[laughter] The third day. Okay.

>> We're in trouble here. We've only got 12

hours and 36 minutes left. Move. Move.

Move,

>> Monica. I feel like you should have

German subtitles.

[laughter]

>> Joey, speed it up.

>> I'm sorry. It's the pigs. They're

reluctant to get in the blankets.

[laughter]

>> Monica, how did this happen? I thought

you had this all planned out. Do you

want me to cry? [laughter]

Is that what you want? Do you want TO

SEE ME CRY, SIR? NO, SIR.

All right, you.

>> What? No. Look, I told you I am not a

part of this thing.

>> All right, look, Ross. I realize that

you have issues with Carol and Susan,

and I feel for you. I do, but if you

don't help me cook, I'm going to take a

bunch of those little hot dogs and

create a new appetizer called Pigs and

Ross.

>> All right, ball a melon.

>> Hey, how come I'm stuck dicing when he

gets to ball a melon?

>> I'm not going to go.

>> You're not going to go? No, I think I'm

going to catch up on my correspondence.

>> How? How? Um, how can you not be going?

>> I'm not going to go. So, I think that

will accomplish the not going.

>> Um, you know, just out of curiosity.

Well, ever since I was humiliated and

yelled at in front of my friends, I'm

just I don't know, not in a very museum

benefity kind of mood.

>> Right. Okay. Okay. God, I'm sorry. I'm

sorry I yelled. It's fine. No, but

you're you're mad.

>> I'm not mad. I'm just not going.

>> You're not going. Okay.

>> You know that I I have to go, right? So,

is it going to be like I'm abandoning

you while you're upset?

>> No.

>> No. Because you're not upset, right,

>> about the yelling,

>> right, and the humiliating.

>> Of course, the humiliating.

>> So, so we we're okay.

>> Mhm.

>> We're good,

>> right?

>> Okay,

[laughter]

>> honey.

>> Yes, Ros.

>> I love you.

>> Get away FROM

>> She's just getting dressed.

>> Yeah, Ross. Way to ruin it. I was just

going to go get dressed. You know what?

I don't care. The only person I cared

about getting dressed is the one person

that said she's not even going to go.

Look, Rich, I'm sorry. Okay, look. I I

was a jerk. Okay, I'm sorry I yelled. I

want you there. I need you there. Look,

what what can I do to show you how how

much how much I want you to be there.

>> You could drink the fat.

>> All right. Welcome to an adult

conversation. [laughter]

>> No, no, no, wait, no. Wait, wait, wait,

wait a minute, wait a minute, wait. That

actually uh that sounds interesting.

>> What?

>> I think you should drink the fat.

>> Yay.

[laughter]

>> Okay. Okay. If that's what it takes to

show you how much you mean to me and how

much I want you there, then that's what

I'll do.

>> Wait, let me get you another glass

that's been sitting out.

I

>> think this will be fine.

Okay. Vanilla milkshake. Just a vanilla

milkshake with chicken bits floating in

it. [laughter]

Cheers.

>> No, no, no. Okay, don't. I'll go. I'll

go.

>> You will.

>> You were really going to do that,

weren't you?

>> Well, yeah.

>> You were going to drink the fat.

>> Let's see what else he'll do.

>> Just be yourself. They live on the Upper

East Side on Park Avenue.

>> Oh, yeah. She can't be herself.

>> Okay. So, all right. Which dress?

[laughter]

>> You can say neither.

>> Oh, god. Neither.

>> Neither.

>> I'm sorry, honey. We're going to take

you shopping. It's going to be fine.

>> Yeah, totally. You are in such good

hands. And I am so good with meeting

parents with the father. You know, you

want to flirt a little bit, but not in a

gross way. Just kind of like, "Oh, Mr.

Pinser. I can see where Wallace gets his

good looks.

>> You went out with Wallace Pinser.

>> Oh, he took the SATs for me.

>> I knew you didn't get a 1400.

>> Well, duh.

>> So, now what about with Mike's mom?

>> Oh, well, with the mother, just just

constantly tell her how amazing her son

is. Take it from me. Moms love me.

Ross's mom one time actually said, "I am

like the daughter that she never had.

She said what? That she's like the

daughter she never had. [laughter]

>> Tell because I'm sweating, but I use

exactly what the gel bottle says.

An amount about the size of a pee. How

How can that be too much?

[laughter]

Ice.

Ice. Ice squares. Anyone take a napkin?

All right.

Monica. Monica. Monica, your guests are

turning into jerky. Okay.

>> Really? I'm perfectly comfortable.

>> Hey, hey, hey. Get in line, buddy. I was

next.

>> We have to make it a theme wedding. And

the theme could be look how much money

we've got.

You know, I mean, you could put you

could put money in in the invitations.

You you could have like little money

play settings and uh you could start

with a money salad. I mean, it'll be

dry, but people will like it.

>> Would you stop? We've only been going on

a couple of weeks. I mean, we don't even

know if he's going to propose.

>> Yes, but this is Pete, okay? He's not

like other people. On your first date,

he took you to Rome. For most guys,

that's like a third or fourth date kind

of thing.

>> Well, if that's what it is, then it's

it's crazy.

>> Monica's right. We're talking about

getting married here, okay? She she

can't just rush into this.

>> Oh, what do you know? You married a

lesbian.

>> Hey everybody, happy Thanksgiving.

>> No, no, no, no, no, no.

>> What? Are we keeping Thanksgiving a

secret this year?

>> No, we are playing this game I learned

at work. You have to name all the states

in 6 minutes.

>> What? That's like insanely easy.

>> No, it's a lot harder than it sounds.

You always forget at least one or in

some cases

14.

>> It's a stupid game and I wasn't playing

against other people, so technically I

didn't lose. What? You forgot 14 states?

>> Nobody cares about the Dakotas.

[laughter]

>> Oh, okay. Time's up.

>> All right, I got 48.

>> Oh, it's not bad, babe.

>> Oh, I got tired of naming states, so I

decided to list the types of celery

[laughter]

>> and I have one regular celery.

>> Okay, so Rachel's got 48 and Phoebe has

the lead in

vegetables. Joey,

>> say hello to the new champ of Chandler's

dumb states game.

>> Wow. How many you got?

>> 56.

>> Okay, maybe this is so hard because

there aren't 50 states.

Let me tell you something. I have 49

states and there are no more.

[laughter]

Now, I I think I should be able to eat

something.

It's up to you.

[laughter]

[laughter]

>> Delaware.

[laughter]

Delaware.

>> All right.

>> I want my turkey now.

You got it.

>> You got Nevada twice.

[laughter]

>> I know.

>> Yeah.

[screaming]

>> I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

>> That is it. You just barge in here. You

don't knock. You have NO RESPECT FOR

ANYBODY'S PRIVACY. NO, YOU WAIT. THIS IS

RIDICULOUS.

>> Just say one thing.

>> What? What?

>> That's a relatively open weave and I can

still see your

nipular area.

>> I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I I could

>> That's it. I cannot make this decision.

It is too difficult. So, I am just going

to leave it entirely up to the gods of

fate.

>> A magic eightball. Come on. You can't be

serious. You can't make this decision

with a toy.

>> Oh, it's not a toy. [laughter]

>> Well, I don't know what else to do. I

mean, I either keep my wife and lose one

of my my best friends or I keep my

friend and get divorced for the second

time before I'm 30. So, so if anyone

else has has a better suggestion, let's

hear it because I I got nothing. All

right? Don't be shy. Any suggestion will

do.

[laughter]

Okay, then.

[laughter]

Here we go.

Magic eightball. Should I never see

Rachel again?

Ask again later. [laughter]

Later is not good enough.

Ask again later.

>> What the hell? This is broken. A baby's

broken.

>> Oh, wow. Can you believe you're only 3

weeks away?

>> I know you don't mind me touching your

belly, do you?

>> No, I don't mind you touching my belly,

but right now your hands kind of

blocking the part where the baby's going

to come out. [laughter]

>> Hey. Hi.

>> Hi, Erica. Welcome back to town.

Wow, look how big you've gotten.

>> That's because I'm pregnant,

>> right? No, I I understand. [laughter]

>> Oh, okay. I'm just always afraid that

people think I'm just fat with big

breasts.

>> No, no, I knew.

>> Wait, well, stop staring at them.

>> She brought them up.

>> I didn't realize you were coming back so

soon.

>> Yeah, well, in a couple weeks I won't be

able to travel. Yeah. And I wanted her

to get to know the doctors and get

settled into the hotel.

>> Hotel? Why isn't she staying with you

guys?

>> Well, because we're moving in a couple

of days, and it just didn't make sense.

>> Plus, hotels are fun. My room has this

little fridge full of free snacks.

[laughter]

>> Erica, those things aren't free. In

fact, they have one of the highest

markups of any consumer product.

>> Ross, she's giving us her baby. She can

eat you if she wants. [cheering]

>> Hi.

>> Hey.

>> Hey. Here, have a seat. Have a seat.

>> How was your night?

>> Oh, it was okay. Hey, I went to a movie

with my cousin and then after dinner, we

went to this place that had

[gasps]

Anyway, they had these really amazing

cheeseburgers.

Erica, are are you okay?

>> Yeah, you know, maybe I ate too much. I

keep getting these stomach aches. They

come and go like every few minutes.

>> Oh my god.

>> Relax. So, we'll just get her some ant

acids. [laughter]

>> She doesn't have a stomach ache. SHE'S

IN LABOR.

>> OH MY GOD.

>> YEAH, YOU GOT TO GET TO THE HOSPITAL.

OKAY, CHANDLER, get the coats. ERICA,

LET'S GO. PHOEBE AND JOEY, KEEP PACKING.

OH my god, we're going to have a baby.

>> We're going to have a baby. Oh my god,

we're going to have a baby. Oh god. Oh,

I got to sit down. I got to sit down.

[panting]

>> Honey, it's going to be okay.

>> You can do this. Just breathe. Okay.

[laughter]

Okay. Okay. I feel I feel a little

better.

>> Okay. Are you sure?

>> Yes, I'm sure. Oh, honey. Let's go.

>> Okay. Bye, everyone.

>> It's okay. Wait.

>> What? If you get a second, find out

where she got that cheeseburg.

>> Look, I'm getting new head shots taken.

All right. So, I went to get my eyebrows

shaped.

>> I'm sorry. Moment to make fun of that,

please.

I may be a but I'll still pound

you into the ground.

>> All right, look. It hurts so bad. I

could only let her do one eyebrow, and

now they don't match.

[cheering]

[laughter]

It's like a baby caterpillar chasing its

mama. Look, you got to help me out.

Okay, look. I have a magic marker. I

want you to fill in the skinny one so I

don't look stupid for my pictures.

>> Okay, first of all, this is green.

>> But what the hell am I supposed to do?

>> All right, I will help you out, but you

have to promise me you will not tell

anyone what I'm about to tell you.

>> What? What?

Okay, you know how most kids get their

allowance from mowing the lawn or taking

out the garbage?

Well, I earned mine by plucking the

eyebrows of my father and his business

partners.

[laughter]

Oh my god.

>> Yeah. Well, I guess you don't need my

help, Victor Victoria.

>> Okay. No, no, no, [laughter] no, no. I

do. I do. I do. I need your help. But

Chandler, I don't know if I can take any

more plucking. It hurts so bad. Oh, not

with my combination of ice cubes, aloe

vera, and my gentle self-loathing touch.

[music]

And done. Oh my god.

I didn't feel a thing. Hey, are you

still looking for a job? Cuz you could

tweeze circles around that sadistic

at the salon.

>> Thanks. You want to see what it looks

like?

>> Yeah. Yeah.

Hey, they totally match. They look

great. They look great. How you doing?

>> Yeah. Yeah, I think it looks pretty

good. I was a little bit worried that I

was uh uncovering a birth mark right

about there, but it turned out to be a

little piece of chocolate.

>> Well, hey, Chandler, thank you so much.

>> No problem. Listen, uh that was a pretty

girly hour we just spent. We should

probably do something manly to make up

for it.

>> Yeah.

Cur my eyelash.

>> Yeah. You

>> here for Thanksgiving.

>> I know. It's sick. Why is it sick?

>> Because it's Richard's son. It's like

inviting a Greek tragedy over for

dinner.

>> Hey, come on, VB. You understand, don't

you?

>> Yeah, I could see where I'd be your best

shot, but no.

>> Sorry, honey. I think it's twisted.

>> Yeah. What's twisted? Me going out with

Richard's son.

>> Ew.

Ew. Ew. Ew.

>> Sounds like a really bad idea to me.

>> Is he okay in there?

>> He's fine.

>> Hey, you know, man, if things work out

between you and Richard's son, you'll be

able to tell your kids that you slept

with her grandfather.

>> Fine. can judge all you want to, but

married a lesbian, left a man at the

altar, fell in love with a gay ice

dancer, threw a girl's wooden leg in the

fire, live in a box.

>> You know my friend Abby who shaves her

head?

She says that if you want to break the

bad boyfriend cycle, you can do like a

cleansing ritual.

[laughter]

>> Febs, this woman is voluntarily bold.

Yeah.

>> [laughter]

>> So, we can do it tomorrow night, you

guys. It's Valentine's Day. It's

perfect. Okay. Well, what kind of

ritual?

>> Okay. We can um we can burn the stuff

they gave us.

>> Or

or

>> or we can chant and dance around naked,

you know, with sticks.

[laughter]

>> Burning's good.

>> Burning's good.

>> Yeah. Hey, buddy.

>> So, I just talked to one of the duel

writers today. And

>> what is duel? Days of Our Lives.

>> Anyway, [laughter] you're not going to

believe it. My character is coming out

of his coma.

[cheering]

>> And and and not only that, I'm getting a

new brain.

>> So, great things are happening at work

and in your personal life.

>> Wait, what do you mean you're getting a

new brain?

>> Well, they're killing off one of the

characters on the show, and when she

dies, her brain is being transplanted

into my body.

>> [laughter]

>> What a brain transplant? It's

ridiculous.

>> Well, I think it's ridiculous that you

haven't had sex in three and a half

months.

>> It's winter. There are fewer people on

the street. [laughter]

>> Who are they killing off?

>> Uh Cecilia Monroe. She plays Jessica

Lockhart.

>> NO. [laughter]

SHE is so good at throwing drinks in

people's faces. I mean, I don't think

I've ever seen her finish a beverage.

>> And the way she slaps people all the

time. Would you love to do that just

once?

>> Oh, do it.

>> And she's been on the show forever. It's

going to be really hard to fill her

shoes.

>> Yeah. Yeah. Help me out here. When you

when you come out of the brain

transplant, [laughter]

you are going to be her.

>> Yes. But in Drake RAOR'S BODY.

WHY IS THIS SO HARD FOR YOU TO GET? I

thought you were a scientist. [laughter]

>> Oh, Danielle, I wasn't expecting the

machine. [laughter]

Give me a call when you get a chance.

Bye-bye.

Oh god.

>> That's what you've been working on for

the past two hours? [laughter]

>> Hey, I've been honing it.

What was with the dishes?

>> Oh, uh, I want her to think I might be

in a restaurant. Will you watch my

phone?

>> Why don't you just take it with you?

>> Hey, we haven't been on a second date.

She needs to hear me pee.

>> Why don't you just call her?

>> I can't call her. I left the message. I

have some pride.

>> Do you?

>> No. [laughter]

>> Danielle. Hi. Hi. It's uh it's Chandler.

I'm fine.

Uh, listen, I don't know if you tried to

call me because uh idiot that I am, I

accidentally shut off my phone.

[clears throat]

Oh, okay. That's that's that's fine.

That's great. Okay.

She's on the other line. She's going to

call me back. [laughter]

>> She's on the other line. She's going to

call me back. She's on the other line.

Going to call me back.

>> Don't you have to pee? It's

>> why I'm dancing.

Four letters. Circle or hoop?

>> Ring. Damn it. Ring.

>> Thanks.

>> Hey, you know our phone's not working.

>> What?

>> I tried to call you from the coffee

shop. There was no answer.

>> I turned it off.

>> Mother of God. I turned it off.

>> Just like you told her you did.

>> Just pointing out the irony.

You can't move. You just You just can't.

>> Rachel's right. This is where you guys

belong.

>> Yeah, you you don't want to live in

Westchester. That's like the worst of

the Chesters.

[laughter] You

>> know, sometimes when I'm alone in my

apartment, I look over here and you guys

are just having dinner or watching TV or

something. But

it makes me feel better. And now when I

look over, who am I going to see? The

Got Leaves? the the gangs.

[laughter] They don't make me feel so

good.

>> Yeah. So So don't move, okay? Just stay

here and maybe close your blinds at

night.

>> Hey, [laughter]

>> hello.

>> It's Nancy. They responded to our offer

>> and

Yeah.

Okay, thanks.

They passed.

They said there wouldn't go a penny

under the asking price.

>> We can't afford that.

>> I know.

>> Well, there you go.

>> I'm really sorry, you guys.

>> Yeah, I'm I'm sorry, too.

I'm even more sorry that that phone call

didn't come before I told you about

looking through the window. [laughter]

>> Yeah. Well, we're going to let you be

alone. You want to be okay?

>> Yeah, we'll be okay.

>> Love you guys.

>> You know, I'm I'm really sorry I wasn't

more supportive before.

>> That's okay. We understand.

>> Yeah. And about this Nancy, if you're

not sleeping with her, should I?

>> So, I was with Joshua for an hour today

and he has not asked me out. just so

frustrating. Why don't you ask him out?

>> Oh, yeah. Totally. That's such a turn

on.

[laughter]

>> Doesn't seem desperate.

>> That's the turn on. [laughter]

>> He just got a divorce, right? So, he's

probably really nervous around women,

you know. Maybe you just need to make

the first move. I've never asked a guy

out before. You've never asked a guy

out?

>> No. Have you? Thousands of times.

[laughter]

>> That doesn't make me sound too good,

does it?

I don't even know how I would go about

it.

>> Oh, what I do is uh I look a woman up

and down and I say, "Hey,

how you doing?"

[laughter]

>> Oh, please.

>> Hey, how you doing?

>> You know what? I'm going to do that. I'm

going to call him up and I'm going to

ask him out.

>> I can do that. Ask him out. How you

doing?

>> Hi Joshua. It's Rachel Green from

Bloomingdales.

Yeah. Um I was just wondering if you um

if you um

left your wallet at the store today

or Well, we found a wallet and we

the license. Well, that is a good idea.

Uh well, let's see. Yeah, this this

license belongs to a uh uh belongs to a

Mr. uh feebs [laughter]

and um yeah. So, okay. So, sorry to

bother you at home. I'll see you

tomorrow. Bye.

>> You've done that a thousand times.

>> I've never done that.

>> Oh, God. I just got so nervous that he

was going to say no.

>> Well, you got to give him something he

can't say no to. like uh Nick's tickets.

Invite the guy to a Knicks game. You

guaranteed he'll say yes.

>> Really? You think that'll work?

>> Absolutely. And if it doesn't, can I get

the extra ticket?

>> Hey, you feeling better?

>> Yeah. I think that fifth shower actually

got the interview off me.

>> So, do you have any other possibilities?

>> Oh, yeah. Well, there is the possibility

that I won't make rent.

>> If you want, I can lend you some money.

>> No, no, no. Cuz if I couldn't pay you

back right away, then I'd feel guilty

and tense every time I saw you.

>> Oh, okay. Well, then why don't you uh

why don't you borrow it from mom and

dad? You feel guilty and tense around

them already.

>> You might as well make some money off of

them.

>> Okay, here you go. You can pay me back

whenever you like.

>> You have dinosaur checks?

>> Yeah. [laughter] Yeah. I mean, you get

your money and you learn a little

something. What's wrong with that?

>> Nothing. Nothing. Hey, YOU'RE A

CHEAPOSAURUS.

[laughter]

NO KIDDING. No kidding. Thank you. I'm

very grateful.

>> I I don't even know what to say.

>> Thank you.

[laughter]

>> You're welcome.

>> Oh my god. Are Are you crying? I just

don't see why those two can't work

things up.

>> Well, turkeys burnt.

Potatoes are ruined. Potatoes are

ruined. Potatoes are ruined. [laughter]

>> Here we come. Walking down the

[laughter]

>> This doesn't smell like mom's.

>> No, it doesn't, does it? But you wanted

lumps, ROSS. WELL, HERE YOU GO, BUDDY.

YOU GOT ONE.

[laughter]

>> GO. GOD, this is great. The plane is

gone, so I guess I'm stuck here with you

guys.

>> Hey, we all had better plans, okay? This

was nobody's first choice.

>> Oh, really? So, WHY WAS I BUSTING MY ASS

TO MAKE THIS DELICIOUS THANKSGIVING

DINNER?

>> WHY DON'T WE GO SEE IT? STOP IT. STOP

IT.

>> NOW, this feels like Thanksgiving.

Okay. Who wants light cheese and who

wants dark cheese?

>> I don't even want to know about the dark

cheese.

>> Does anybody want to split this with me?

>> No, I will.

>> You guys have to make a wish.

>> Make a wish. Come on. You know,

Thanksgiving. [laughter]

>> You got the bigger half. What' you wish

for? the bigger half. [laughter]

>> All right, I'd like to propose a toast.

Little toast here.

I know this isn't exactly the kind of

Thanksgiving that all of you planned,

but for me, this has been really great.

You know, I think because it didn't

involve divorce or projectile vomiting.

Anyway, [clears throat] I was just

thinking, I mean, if you'd gone to Vale

or if you guys had been with your family

or if you didn't have

syphilis and stuff,

we wouldn't be all together, you know.

So, I guess what I'm trying to say is

that uh I'm very thankful that all of

your Thanksgiving sucked. [laughter]

>> It's so sweet. really ain't

>> and hey, here's to a lousy Christmas

>> and a crappy new year.

>> I'm old.

>> What's wrong?

>> I am so much older than these other

interns. I can't I can't compete with

them.

>> But I saw you were a little older. Try

to look at the positive. You have all

this life experience. Yes, but I don't

think life experience is going to help

me with these. [laughter]

>> Wow.

>> It's like they're on fire.

>> What are they?

>> They are these prototype sneakers, and I

have to come up with ideas on how to

sell them, which I can't do because no

self-respecting adult would ever wear

these.

>> I'll give you $500 for them.

What am I supposed to do with these?

>> Come on. Sneakers are easy. You wear

sneakers all the time.

>> Well, first of all, they're not called

sneakers anymore. Apparently, they're

called kicks or skids. And I think I

heard somebody say slurps.

[laughter]

Here, look. They got these wheels that

pop out from the bottom so you can roll

around because apparently walking is too

much exercise.

Kids, kids, roll your way to childhood

obesity. Would

you help me try to sell these?

>> Okay. Have you considered using a girl

with huge knockers?

>> I don't think that's the kind of thing

they're looking for.

>> Hey, that'd work on me.

>> Why do you think I'd buy Mrs.

Butterwarts?

>> You know what? These aren't half bad.

You should suggest something like these

to Ralph Lauren.

>> Okay, first of all, that's stupid. And

second of all, I'm not allowed to talk

to Ralph.

>> All right. I feel younger already.

[laughter]

>> Beth is really, really sick.

>> Oh,

>> Joe's there, but I don't think there's

anything she could do. [laughter]

>> Joey.

>> Yeah.

>> You want to put the book in the freezer?

>> [laughter]

>> Okay.

>> Okay.

>> Honey, I'm home

>> from the tequila factory.

>> It was awful to get out of going to

dinner with Doug. I told him that you

and I split up. So then he took me to

all these strip clubs and sleazy bars.

And then when I wouldn't give him my

wedding ring, he threw a soda can at a

bird. [laughter]

>> I could breathe through my mouth.

>> You know what the worst part was? I got

to see what my life would be like

without you. You know, it was like uh

It's a Wonderful Life with lap dances.

[laughter]

>> Please promise me that you will never

leave me, that we will grow old together

and be with each other for the rest of

our lives.

>> I promise.

>> Hey, speaking of together, how about we

send out a holiday card this year?

>> Oo, I I don't know if we're there yet.

>> I definitely taste nutmeg. You do.

>> You don't.

>> Well, that's the difference between a

professional and a layman. [laughter]

That and arrogance.

>> Hey.

>> Hey, how was sailing?

>> I don't want to talk about it.

[laughter]

>> No, you could at least save me a whole

cookie.

>> NO,

women are mean.

Can't believe that. Now, the only thing

that's left of my grandmother's legacy

is this crumb. [snorts]

I wish you a long and happy marriage.

Here's batch 22.

Maybe these will taste like your

grandmother's. This has a little bit of

orange peel, but no nutmeg.

>> Let's give it a shot. Okay.

>> Well, I've not made this many cookies

since I was in the ninth grade.

>> What was that for? Like a bake sale?

>> No, just a Friday night.

[laughter]

>> These are pretty good.

>> Yeah, but not as good as batch 17.

[clears throat]

>> Which one was that?

>> The ones we had right after you almost

threw up.

>> Oh, yeah. Batch 17 was good. I did not

like batch 16.

[laughter]

>> I'm okay.

>> Are there any more from the good batch?

because we could just work off of those.

>> Yeah.

>> Yeah. Well, yeah. I think there's one

from batch 17 left. Uh

>> batch 16. 16 people. Get out of the way.

>> That would actually make my grandma

really happy to know that we're trying

to figure out her recipe. I bet she's

looking up at us and smiling right now.

[laughter]

>> Looking up.

>> Oh, yeah. No, she was really nice to me.

But she's in hell for sure.

>> Well, I've tried everything. I give up.

I guess I'm not going to be the mom who

makes the world's best chocolate chip

cookies. I do make the best duck comfy

with broccoli. Rob,

kids love that, right?

>> Oh, Feeb. Come on. Isn't there any

relative that would have the recipe?

What about What about your sister?

>> Oh, no, no, no. I made a promise to

myself that the next time I would talk

to Ursula is over my dead body.

And that's not happening till October

15th, 2032.

>> That's the day you're going to die. See?

Darn it. I've got shuffle board that

day. [laughter]

>> That's what you think.

>> Well, I mean, what about friends of your

grandmothers? Wouldn't they have the

recipe? Well, you know, I I may have

relatives in France who would know. My

grandmother said she got the recipe from

her grandmother, Nestle Tula.

What was her name? Nestle Tulousa.

Nestle Toll House.

You Americans always butcher the French

language.

Phoei, is this the recipe?

>> YES.

>> OH,

I cannot believe that I just spent the

last two days trying to figure out that

recipe and it was my cupboard the whole

time.

>> I know. You see, it is stuff like this,

WHICH IS WHY YOU'RE BURNING IT OUT.

>> IN 20 SECONDS, it'll be midnight. And

the moment of joy is upon us.

>> Looks like that no date pack thing

worked out.

>> Everybody looks so happy. I hate that.

>> Not everybody's happy.

>> Hey, Bobby.

[cheering]

>> You know, I uh just thought I'd throw

this out here. I'm no math wiz, but I do

believe there are three girls and three

guys right here.

>> Mhm.

Oh, I don't feel like kissing anyone

tonight.

>> I can't kiss anyone.

>> So, I'm kissing everyone.

>> No, no, no. You can't kiss Ross. That's

your brother.

>> Oh, yeah. [laughter]

>> Perfect. Perfect. So, now everybody's

going to kiss but me. All right.

Somebody kiss me. SOMEBODY KISS ME. IT'S

MIDNIGHT. SOMEBODY KISS ME. IT'S

MIDNIGHT. IT'S ONE DAY.

[laughter]

>> Did we speak on the phone last night?

Did you call me?

>> No. I stayed at Julie's last night.

>> Oh, actually, I haven't even been home

yet. Do you mind if I check my messages?

>> Oh, yeah. Go ahead,

[snorts]

>> Ra. I got a message from you. [laughter]

>> Who's Michael?

>> Oh my god. Oh my god. Ros, no. Hang up

the phone. Give me the phone, Ros. GIVE

ME THE PHONE. GIVE ME THE PHONE. GIVE ME

THE PHONE.

>> [applause]

>> YOU'RE OVER ME.

>> Oh god.

>> What? You're uh

>> Oh god.

>> You're You're over me.

>> Oh god. Oh god.

>> Oh god. Oh god.

>> When When were you

under me?

[music]

Hey, what are you guys doing today?

>> Making holiday candy for the neighbors.

>> I'm sorry. Who? [laughter]

>> I'm going to hang this basket on the

door and then when the neighbors walk

by, they can all take a piece.

[laughter]

>> But we don't know the neighbors.

>> I do. There's uh let's say guy with a

mustache, [laughter] smokes a lot lady,

kids I've seen, and a red-haired guy who

does not like to be called Rusty.

[laughter]

>> See, this is exactly why I'm making this

candy. We can learn their names and get

to know our neighbors.

>> Wouldn't it be easier if we just moved?

>> I don't think that you should leave

Chander alone. I mean, it's only been 2

days since you broke up with Kathy.

Maybe you can go fishing next week.

>> Look, there's nothing I can do for him

right now. He's still in his sweatpants.

That's only phase one.

>> I'll be back for phase two. I would

never miss phase two.

>> What's phase two?

>> Getting drunk and going to a strip club.

>> How does going to a strip club make him

better?

>> There are naked ladies there.

>> Oh, and it helps him get to phase three,

picturing yourself with other women.

>> There are naked ladies there, too.

>> Yeah.

>> Uh, dad called this morning and, uh,

Aunt Sylvia passed away.

Yes, yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.

>> We were all pretty shaken up about it.

>> Wait, am I missing something, though?

Cuz I always thought death was supposed

to be sad in a way.

>> Well, uh, Aunt Sylvia was well, not a

nice person.

>> Oh, she was a cruel, cranky old

and I'm sorry she died.

>> Did dad say I get the dollhouse? You get

the dollhouse.

>> I get the dollhouse.

>> Wow. A house for dolls. That is so cool.

>> When I was a kid, I had a barrel.

>> Uh, Feebs, you had a barrel for a

dollhouse.

>> No, just a barrel.

>> You know what? You can play with my

dollhouse.

>> Really? Really? Anytime you want. You

know, when I was younger, all I wanted

to do was to play with this dollhouse.

But no, it was to be looked at but never

played with.

>> My grandmother used to say that exact

same thing to me.

>> Look at my dollhouse.

[laughter]

>> Look. LOOK.

>> HEY, what's this?

>> Oh, okay. It's a slide instead of

stairs. Let's

>> Very interesting, Phoebe.

What's this? The licorice room. You can

eat all the furniture.

>> And when guests come over, they can stay

on the Tootsie Rolly bed.

>> This is the coolest house ever.

>> Hey, does anyone want to join me in the

aroma room?

>> I would.

>> Hey guys. Guys, did you see my new china

cabinet?

>> Uhhuh.

>> Uhhuh.

>> Watch. What?

>> And and

[cheering]

fire. THERE'S A FIRE. FIRE.

[laughter]

[laughter]

>> [screaming]

>> HEY,

>> tried to reach you at work. There's been

a fire.

>> What? Oh my Oh my god. [laughter]

>> What happened?

>> Well, we believe it originated here.

in the aroma room. [laughter]

>> All right. Did everyone get out? Okay.

>> Well, the draft's okay and so is the

pirate.

>> What is this?

>> No, Phoebe, don't look. You don't want

to see what's under there. [laughter]

>> The the foster puppets.

>> Well, I thought Joey and I would be okay

once we hung out, but it's like we don't

even know how to be with each other

anymore.

>> I know it's tough now, but things will

get better. How do you know that? What

if it just gets worse and worse and

worse to the point where we can't even

be in the same room with each other?

>> I'm not great at the advice.

Can I interest you in a sarcastic

comment? [laughter]

>> Some cheese.

>> Honey, why is the Bruce Springsteen CD

in the Cat Stevens case?

>> Let's just say if I can't find the right

CD case, I just put it in the nearest

one. [laughter]

>> Okay. Okay. Well, where is the Cat

Steven CD?

>> In the James Taylor case.

>> Where's the James Taylor CD?

>> Honey, I'm going to save you some time.

200 CDs, not one of them in the right

case.

>> How?

I just got us reservations at Michelle's

and tickets to The Music Man to

celebrate our first holiday season as a

betrothed couple.

>> Bet.

>> Bet couple.

Hey.

Ah. Oh,

>> babes.

>> Huh?

>> Skull.

>> Oh, yeah. IT'S MY MOM'S.

>> OH MY GOD.

>> NO, NO, NO. It's not It's not my mom, it

belonged to my mom.

>> Yeah. No, she used to put it out every

Christmas to remind us that even though

it's Christmas, people still die

and you can put candy in it. [laughter]

Hey.

>> Hey. Hey. Licorice.

>> Sure.

>> Hey. I just found out I get Ben for the

holidays this year.

>> Oh, that's great.

>> Are you going to dress up as Santa?

>> Nope. I mean, I know Susan does every

year, but I think I want to take this

year to teach him all about Hanukkah.

>> And maybe I could teach Ben about the

Christmas skull and how people die.

>> You may need to use this year to teach

Ben about Phoebe.

>> Do it. Ross,

>> what? want to play football.

>> Um, Monica and I aren't supposed to play

football.

>> Says who? Your mom.

>> Yes.

>> Well, every Thanksgiving, um, we used to

have a touch football game called the

the Geller Bowl.

>> No, no, no. You say that proudly.

Anyway, Ross and I were always captains

and um it got kind of competitive and

one year, Killer Ball Six, I

accidentally broke Ross' nose.

>> It was so not an accident. She saw I was

about to tag her, so she threw her big

fat grandma arm elbow in my face, just

kept running.

>> To score the winning touchdown, by the

way.

>> Oh, ho ho ho. Uh, you did not win the

game. The touchdown didn't count because

of the spectacularly illegal Oh, and by

the way, savage nose breaking.

>> I won the game.

>> Oh, yeah. Then how come you didn't get

the Geller Cup? [laughter]

>> There was a Geller Cup?

>> Yes, it was the trophy you got if you

won the game. But our dad said nobody

won that game. And he was sick of our

fighting, so he took the trophy.

>> [laughter]

>> threw it in the lake

>> and was the curse lifted

[laughter] anyway.

That's when mom said we were not allowed

to play football again.

>> You know what? I think we should play a

game. I mean, come on. It's been 12

years.

>> Can I see you for a second?

It goes together.

>> What?

>> All right, we're going to play.

>> Eve, how's it going?

>> I'm doing okay. I think it's going well.

Do you think they're having fun? Am I

talking too fast?

>> Nope. Sound like me.

>> It's going great. Look at Chandler with

little baby girl Chandler.

>> Little baby girl Chandler. Where have I

heard that before? All right, Coach

Ruben.

[laughter]

You know what, Feebs? Uh, when you're

done over there, we've got a kind of

situation over here, too.

>> Nuh-uh. [laughter] No, we are all

responsible for our own babies.

>> See, that's where I think that you're

wrong. We've been playing these babies

man-to-man. We should really be playing

a zone defense. [laughter]

What do you mean?

>> I just think things will go a lot

smoother if we each have our own zone.

You know, Phoebe, you can be in charge

of wiping

and you know, man, you can be in charge

of diapering and I can be in charge of

looking how cute they are when they put

their hands around.

>> That sounds really great, but maybe you

should be in charge of wiping.

>> Okay, I'm a rookie. I should not be in

the end zone.

[music]

>> Hi.

>> Hey.

>> Hey.

>> So, what's the final head count on my

baby shower?

>> About 20. A couple people from work had

something else to do. Also, both of your

sisters called and neither can make it.

>> What you mean they're not coming to a

social event where there's no men and no

booze? That's shocking.

[laughter]

>> Well, I don't care as long as my mom's

here.

>> Oh my god, your mother.

>> What? My mom's not going to be here?

>> Well, given that we forgot to invite

her, it would be an awfully big

coincidence if she was.

>> My god.

>> Well, it wasn't my fault. Phoebe was in

charge of the invitations.

>> Well, I don't I don't have a mother, so

often I forget that other people arrest.

[laughter]

>> So, my mother is not coming to my baby

shower?

>> No.

Neither is mine.

>> You know what? Don't worry, okay? We'll

take care of it. We'll call her. You

just go home and get ready.

>> Please make sure she comes. It's really

important to me. I mean, it's my mom.

>> I know. I know. What's her number?

>> I don't know.

>> Go. I have my book. Go.

Wait a minute. If you're in charge of

the invitations, why am I the one who

has to call her? Hello, Mrs. Green. Hi.

Uh, it's Monica Geller.

>> Oh, hello, Monica.

>> Hi. Um, I know this is last minute, but

we we've decided to throw an impromptu

baby shower for Rachel today.

>> I know. My daughters told me about it

when they received their impromptu

invitations a month ago.

>> I'm sorry. I'm I'm so sorry. For what,

dear?

>> For not inviting me or for lying about

it.

>> Oh my god, my ass is sweating.

[laughter]

>> Please, please, can you come? It's It's

today at 4. Well, all right. I'll see

you at 4. Thank you.

>> Isn't it at 3? Son of a

>> To Monica [music] and Chandler and that

knocked up girl in Ohio.

I'm just so happy you guys are finally

getting a kid.

>> I know. Have you considered pageanting?

[laughter]

>> I can't believe they called. I mean,

we're actually getting a baby.

>> Oh, I know how you feel.

>> Really?

>> Sure. I went through the exact same

thing with Alicia May Emery.

[laughter]

the waiting and wondering.

Then one day I get that call from Toys R

Us.

She was in stock.

That is the exact same thing.

[music]

Key Vocabulary

Vocabulary	Meanings
wholesale /ˈhoʊlseɪl/ B2	adjective - selling goods in large quantities to be retailed by others
socket /ˈsɒkɪt/ B2	noun - a natural or artificial hollow into which something fits
depressed /dɪˈprest/ B1	adjective - in a state of general unhappiness or despondency
bluffing /ˈblʌfɪŋ/ B2	verb - to try to deceive someone about one's abilities or intentions
resume /ˈrezjuːmeɪ/ B2	noun - a brief account of a person's education and qualifications
colony /ˈkɒləni/ B1	noun - a country or area under the full or partial political control of another country
coincidence /koʊˈɪnsɪdəns/ B2	noun - a remarkable concurrence of events without apparent causal connection
humiliated /hjuːˈmɪlieɪtɪd/ C1	verb - to make someone feel ashamed or foolish
caterer /ˈkeɪtərər/ B2	noun - a person or company providing food and drink at a social event
reluctant /rɪˈlʌktənt/ C1	adjective - unwilling and hesitant
audition /ɔːˈdɪʃən/ B2	noun - an interview for a role or job as a performer
selfish /ˈselfɪʃ/ B2	adjective - lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one's own profit
engagement /ɪnˈɡeɪdʒmənt/ B2	noun - a formal agreement to get married
annoying /əˈnɔɪɪŋ/ A2	adjective - causing irritation or slight anger
curiosity /ˌkjʊəriˈɒsəti/ B2	noun - a strong desire to know or learn something