– English Lyrics

Lyrics & Translation

[English]

My friend Shayne has never had Jollibee until today.

We all gotta eat and we all remember our first time.

Shayne Topp, welcome to the show.

Drive. Drive.

Drive. Oh God. Jesus Christ.

I don't know how to drive.

Rhett is chasing me down! I don't have a license.

I stole his wallet!

I hire people on Fiverr to drive me around in my own car.

Also, Rhett can't run anymore.

He's got so many knee problems.

It's fine. He's too tall.

Unless he finds a skateboard, you're completely safe.

Okay, okay.

Wow. Thanks man.

Thanks for having me.

Anytime. Thanks for...

We got you a pineapple quencher.

Fantastic.

So you've never been to Jollibee before,

or you've only had?

I went to Jollibee once.

I was in Alhambra. Get out of the car.

I lied. I'm so sorry.

Can we get a talent change out?

I was in Alhambra and I passed by a Jollibee,

and I had wanted to go to Jollibee

so much my entire time in LA.

It's a big aspiration.

It's been a bunch of missed connections.

I'm always like too busy when I see one and I like see it.

I'm like, oh, like, I'm so curious about it.

And finally went, but there was a long line.

I freaked out, I looked at the menu and I was like,

I know they have a bunch of stuff I would like to try,

and I ended up just getting some chicken and fries.

Yeah.

And then I had to drive like an hour home.

So by the time I got home, it wasn't like warm and good

and so I feel like I blew it.

Yeah, we say you always remember your first time,

but sometimes, you don't wanna remember your first time.

You're not

sort of an expert. It just felt like

I didn't earnestly do it.

Yeah, you know, you're kind of nervous,

like you said you were freaking out, you know,

and I don't think it's nice.

I'm glad that I can now give you like your real first time.

I knew immediately when you guys reached out,

I was like, Jollibee.

I wanna do it for real this time.

Hell yeah, dude.

I'm stoked. I'm stoked.

Should we just get into it?

Yeah, absolutely. I'm starving.

Have you eaten since your workout this morning?

I on purpose avoided food.

I had a little bit of toast, that's it.

Now I'm ready for-

Yes! What is this?

This is the most Filipino item

on the entire menu at Jollibee.

So this is called pancit palabok,

or at Jollibee they call it palabok fiesta.

So pancit refers to the noodles.

They're like a glass starch noodle, but then on top,

now that is both the palabok and the fiesta.

This is what I'm talking about.

Yeah.

This absolutely rips, man.

This is what I was hoping for,

but I didn't like when I was looking,

I was like, uh-uh, where's the stuff?

I feel like I should be brought as a sort of guide

to a lot of these first time fast food experiences.

Absolutely.

So this is like a bunch of the orange

is actually ground dried shrimp

that's turned into a sauce.

Palabok means like seasoning or kind of topping,

and then there's a little bit of ground pork as well.

It kind of just turns into like one raft of noodle.

Yeah.

Ooh. It's hot.

Hell yeah, dude.

How is this still so hot?

We drove this from like, I think from like Alhambra.

There's just never one like close enough.

It's always just too far away from me.

Oh, this is good.

Dude. This is crazy.

How much do you know about the history of Jollibee?

None.

Do you wanna know the history of Jollibee?

I'm good.

No, I'm just kidding. Perfect.

No, I don't wanna tell you that.

I knew that you would have...

You didn't have to do research, did you?

You knew the history.

It started off it was just a family in the Philippines

in I think 1974 Quezon City.

Okay.

But they started with an ice cream parlor.

So it was like if somebody opened a Haagen-Dazs

and then just started like unsolicitedly slinging

like burgers and chicken on the side.

Okay. And people went, oh shoot,

burgers and chicken really popular.

But they eventually were like,

we're not an ice cream parlor anymore.

We're slinging hot food, and this is like 1975,

which is actually a key date

because McDonald's gets to the Philippines six years later.

So Jollibee basically was like combating

pure sort of like American Western export.

Whoa. So they were like,

where we can win is making stuff like the Palabok Fiesta,

and like keeping this Filipino.

And if they had it at McDonald's, it would suck.

What was your fast food of choice growing up?

I said this on "Last Meals."

We were an Arby's family.

That's right.

And I feel like that's gotten kind of a bad name nowadays,

which I don't know when that happened

because I don't think people have Arby's that often.

But it doesn't make sense that it gets the like,

shit talking it gets 'cause it is good.

I haven't had it in a long time, but we got it all the time.

They're like, I think they're combating a stereotype

of it being like a dad food.

Yeah, well, my dad was the one who did love it the most.

My dad loved it.

He would bring it home.

We'd be driving home and he'd be like,

"Oh, let's stop at Arby's."

We'll get like 50 sandwiches.

That way we have 'em for today

and for the rest of the week.

It's incredible.

What do you think your like embarrassing dad trait

is going to be?

I definitely recognize when I am talking to like strangers

or like someone I sort of know,

I turn into the way my dad like turns on for people

where he's just like, he's like, "Hey, how's it going?

Nice. Great."

I'm like, what am I doing?

I don't need to do that.

Like, I can be normal.

No, I don't know.

I think there's something kinda really sweet

about just transforming into all of the things

that you thought were so cringey.

Mine is like trauma dumping on cashiers.

On cashiers specifically?

You'd be at the gas station, you'd just be like,

yeah, lost everything in the divorce, and I'm like-

Oh my God! Dude, this is a Chevron.

Don't do that.

And then literally this morning I was like,

buying a kombucha and then like, how's your day going?

It's like my cat's really sick

and they don't know what's going on.

Oh shit dude.

Oh, he'll be all right, he'll be all right.

Shayne, this is a show about firsts.

We're gonna be asking some questions about your first.

I wanna know what the first book you read

that made you fall in love with reading is

because you've made me fall deeper in love with reading.

I've read "Chain Gang All Stars" recently.

Dude, so good.

Incredible. So good.

And as a male book talker like yourself,

I think it's a needed niche in society.

Absolutely. What was the thing

that kicked it off?

So I hated reading when I was a kid.

Did not read anything.

Were you good at it?

I think it's 'cause I wasn't interested in it.

It was agonizing.

I was like forced to do it,

so it just took me forever to get through books.

And then somehow like at 16 I was homeschooled,

I started getting nervous of like,

oh, my education level's kind of just

whatever I decided to be

'cause the homeschooling I was doing out here,

these like actor homeschooling things

where I would just take home packets and not really do them,

and I was like, oh, my learning is decided by me.

Am I gonna be dumb?

I need to make sure I'm not.

I went straight for the classics and I went hardcore.

I was like, I'm gonna go all in

and I chose "Count of Monte Cristo",

and I chose the unabridged version,

which is 1,300 pages long. Jesus Christ.

Is it really?

It is so unnecessarily long.

It has a big gigantic side plot that really isn't necessary.

If you're gonna read it, you can read the abridged.

It's like half the length.

And I was just hooked on it, I started falling in love

with just like the act of reading.

Like, it felt very calming and there was something cool

of like knowing this was written hundreds of years ago,

and now here I am picking it up,

and so I just started going through a lot of classics.

I read "Catcher In The Rye", which I really liked.

"Catcher In The Rye" is the Arby's of books.

Yeah.

There's a lot of hate for "Catcher In the Rye."

It's a lot of hate.

I've seen on "Book Talk", it's the funny thing

where if a protagonist sucks, they go, oh, the book is bad

'cause he's a bad person.

It's like, no, the point is that he's a bad person.

I think I did over the years like,

burn myself out a little bit

with trying to read those classics.

They're good.

They are classics for a reason,

but I will say in the past like decade,

I've shifted far more to reading like current stuff,

and you're seeing just like uses of the medium

in ways that are so amazing.

Shayne, this is the spaghetti.

Okay. Now, have you ever had

Filipino spaghetti in general?

No.

Oh man, what are you expecting from it?

I don't know how you could change up spaghetti too much.

Oh, you really can change.

I really don't know.

There's a lot more bananas in here

than you're gonna expect. Bananas?

But you're not gonna notice the bananas.

The bananas are blended.

Okay.

So it kind of goes back

to like the Spanish-American War and World War II.

So American GIs introduced ketchup

along with things like hotdog and Spam to the Philippines,

which have then now become manufactured

by Filipino companies like the San Miguel Corporation,

which actually own Magnolia ice cream,

which was associated with Jollibee.

But anyways, they didn't have enough tomatoes

to keep up with ketchup demand

so they started making banana ketchup.

Okay, I'm in. And so dude, it's awesome.

It's super sweet, and so they mixed that in

with the spaghetti sauce.

Whoa! There's generally hot dogs,

some sort of like ground pork,

and then like a kind of processed yellow cheddar

that's somewhere between like a cheddar

and an American cheese.

Okay. On it.

It's generally just called like queso in the Philippines.

And are these sausages?

Yes.

In so far as a hotdog is a sausage 'cause it is hot dogs.

Oh sure. Oh great.

The banana's really hidden though.

Hold on, I gotta get some of this refresher going.

Quencher.

Sorry, quencher not refresher.

It's called a quencher.

Quencher.

Oh yeah.

Yeah. That's good.

When they had the calamansi quencher though.

What's that?

Calamansi is a native Filipino citrus fruit

that's like, I call it like a cross

between like a lime and a Mandarin almost.

So it's like just at that level of tart

where you probably wouldn't wanna eat a whole one,

but also has enough of that kind of sweet

to get you coming back.

That's awesome. Oh man.

I'm not tasting the banana.

No. It's just the sweetness.

Well, the banana blends into the ketchup.

Is it all banana ketchup,

or is it a mixture of classic ketchup and banana ketchup?

I'm curious.

I don't know if they use it at Jollibee,

which I feel ashamed about

because I feel like it's something I should know.

Yeah, man.

You just know everything else.

It was like when I didn't know

that Zippy's used mayonnaise in their chili.

It's like when I didn't know

that Zippy's used mayonnaise in their chili.

Whoa, are you zoning out right now?

No, I wasn't.

Wait, are you me right now?

Well, I'm the version of us

that's in "Pineapple Paradise."

Dude, can I get one of those Olipops?

Sure. Heck yeah.

I love Olipop.

Yeah, for sure.

Special thanks to them for sponsoring

this portion of today's episode.

Do you know the number one nutrient

that people don't get enough of is fiber?

I know, man.

The only reason we can eat the way we do on the show

is 'cause fiber's our secret engine.

Dude, I've been saying that.

The fact that we can drink soda and actually get nutrients,

we're living in the future.

It's jet packs, it's flying cars, and it's Olipop, dude.

We can't stop drinking these limited edition

Pineapple Paradise Olipop

in collaboration with the new SpongeBob movie,

and as guys who often grab energy drinks,

it's nice to finally grab something

that gives us some useful fiber.

You know what I mean?

And Olipop doesn't have to be refrigerated

so I can keep a stash anywhere I want to.

Also, the can's got different faces on it

that fit my many different moods.

I'm feeling piratey and I think a little bit Irish.

And you can grab Olipop at Target, Walmart, Whole Foods,

and tons of other places, and please scan our QR code

to get $2 off a four pack.

That's right, Daydream Josh, and a big thanks to Olipop

for sponsoring this portion of today's episode.

Wait, what was Shayne saying again?

Shayne, what's the first thing you do every day?

I'm trying to be better about this

'cause I noticed that I'm really bad with my phone, right?

Like so many of us, and I noticed at a certain point

that the first thing I was doing was pulling up my phone

and like, I would start by being like,

oh, I'm looking at the time, I'm looking at my calendar,

and then suddenly I'm just like,

why am I looking at like social media?

Yeah. First thing,

and it immediately pisses me off, right?

Like, it shows me some bullshit I don't need to know about.

It's like, oh, look at this guy who said this thing,

and I'm just like, oh fuck him, and I'm like,

why do I care about this random person?

And so I'm trying to be better about waking up

and just like chilling for a second, and like,

just taking in like the room,

and like looking out the window,

and just like truly just like being present in the moment.

It kind of sounds like what my cat does, you know,

just kind of takes in a room

and looks out a window all the time.

Yeah, man, I'm like, hey, I need to learn from them.

And my cat loves in the morning to get up

and like cuddle with me like a football.

Oh, that's so sweet. Loves to be right here.

So I'm like, okay, like, I can just be here

and chill with him.

Be the cat.

He's being present.

I can be present with him.

And then I get up and usually I try to get up

and go to the gym 'cause like,

as soon as I can get it done with.

I'm like, get it done.

I like to go, just zone out, blast through it, get home,

feel good that I'm done with that, but on like a weekend,

my favorite thing to do first thing

is wake up really early and make some coffee,

and usually like, read.

Dude.

Reading early in the morning

or video games early in the morning slap.

I kind of like stopped playing video games

because in my mind I was like, it's the only thing that I do

that I don't think is like productive,

which is not a good way to look at life of like,

I have to be productive.

Sure. But I was like,

I could be reading, even like watching some sort of TV

I'm getting something.

But slamming "Rocket League",

stuck at the same level for like, you know, two years.

Sure.

You know, wasn't doing anything.

But now I think that it'd be a lot better

to put that back into my diet than going to my phone

and just scrolling through the most hateful things on earth.

I agree.

I don't know, I struggle with that with video games

'cause I'm like, I have that thought process a lot too

of like, oh, I'm being unproductive here.

But what is the difference between playing a video game,

especially one that's like very mentally challenging,

like, you know, like, I have like a puzzle game,

or something with like a really intense storyline to it,

what is the difference between that and reading?

You know, and it depends

on the book you're reading too, right?

Like, in my head I'm like, what is the difference?

Do you remember the first time

you like felt accomplished from lifting weights?

I started lifting when I was a teenager.

My mom was a fitness trainer so I spent like,

a very nostalgic thing for me is the YMCA.

My mom worked at a Y so after school she'd pick me up

and I would go and like chill at the Y

while she finished working.

Now I was like 10 so I wasn't working out then,

but then when I was like 12, 13,

I started like just doing some light weightlifting,

nothing intense, and wasn't really into it

until I think like, I really think I was like 18, 19

when I started being like,

okay, I'm gonna start really like working out.

There was like moments over the years

I think a few years ago I was like,

"All right, I'm gonna try to really start like,

strength training a little bit more.

I wanna see like I'm in my late 20s,

let me see where I can push it to

and I remember when I passed benching 225 and being like,

whoa, like, this feels so great

and I didn't have a spotter or anything so I was like,

I'm not gonna go much farther than this.

I definitely started hitting that point with weightlifting

where I was like, all right,

now it's starting to like kinda hurt.

You mean to hurt 'cause like old age, joint pain?

Yeah, yeah, I mean, but also just like heavy lifting

to a point where I'm like,

is this benefiting me or is this ego?

And so now I've really dialed it back to like,

I want to see what's the most weight I can lift

like for 10 reps and like really controlled.

Like, I'm trying to get more meditative with it.

It's called wisdom.

Yeah. Yeah. That's wisdom.

You don't need to do it.

And that's the type of lifting

that I can do for the rest of my life.

You know, like my goal now is to lift in a way

that when I'm 60, 70 that I'm still like able to do stuff.

Yeah. Like, that's the goal.

I say that and then I don't execute it at all

and my shoulder hurts really badly right now.

Do you ever hear me moaning in the gym?

No.

Nice. No, I don't.

But I have headphones in so if I heard that

over the audiobook I'm hearing,

that would be pretty wild.

Do you grunt?

I try not to, but I definitely am like a Windsor.

It's almost when you try not to where it comes out.

Yeah. But it's not like, .

It's just like, .

Sitting there doing like shoulder raises like, .

This is my own personal favorite Jollibee thing.

So this is the spicy fried chicken sandwich,

but what you gotta do,

gotta shake up the gravy a little bit.

You gotta treat it like a french dip

and dunk it in their gravy.

So this is the gravy that comes with their chicken joy.

I love how you gotta request to crinkle more.

They're like, yeah, we need crinkles.

So we're crinkling our way into the scene.

Yeah, crinkle in time.

Good book.

Oh, "A Wrinkle in Time."

Yeah, I've not actually read it.

I don't think I've read it either.

You should. Should we read it?

Yeah, let's grab it.

Do you have a book club?

I don't.

Who's your dream book club member?

I think just at the end of every "Last Meals" episode

you pitch them on our book club.

I think that's cool 'cause the first person

that came to my mind, Serj Tankian,

lead singer of System Of A Down.

Okay. Yeah. I feel like he'd be in.

Yeah, absolutely.

You know? Get him, Gordon Ramsey,

Caleb Hearon.

We're all just reading books together.

People are gonna love that.

Can I say I am so jealous that you got to sit down

and talk with Caleb Hearon.

I am truly, like, he is my favorite.

So you texted me about that.

Do you know that your wife also texted me about that>

That makes sense. I think I forgot

to respond to her.

Like, everyone at Smosh just like,

he's the funniest person.

Have you had him on Smosh?

No. Have you invited?

No. Would you like

to take the time to invite Caleb Hearon on Smosh?

Caleb Hearon, please join us on Smosh at some point.

I think you're so funny.

Like, imagine him on Reddit stories.

He would just say the funniest shit on the planet.

Yeah, but Caleb Hearon, join our book club.

This is absurd.

Okay. Mm-hmm.

The spice, the gravy.

This is great.

You sure you don't feel sick yet?

No, no, I'm feeling good.

I have a dentist appointment right after this, by the way.

They were like, "Yeah, like, we can see you at one."

I'm like, "For sure."

I'm like, oh God, my breath is gonna be crazy.

I have a used floss pick in my wallet if you want it.

Have you had to get major dental work done?

I've had multiple root canals.

Dude.

The most agonizing pain I've ever been in,

which is probably like, this is a very like, lucky thing.

A tooth infection is the worst pain

I've ever had in my life.

Well, yeah.

It was one weekend and I had started having tooth pain

for like the week leading up, but I was like,

oh, I think it's my jaw.

It felt like my jaw, it felt like I had done something

or like clenched too hard, and I was like, okay,

maybe I'm just like having like some whatever issues, TMJ.

Then Saturday hits and it just like

becomes agonizing suddenly.

Now my dentist office is closed 'cause it's the weekend,

and so I'm like, okay,

I'm gonna schedule an appointment on Monday.

I'll be fine.

And it became so bad

that I basically did not sleep Saturday night

and I just all weekend, I'm just in agonizing pain.

I should have just gone to an emergency dental clinic,

but I was like, no, I'm okay, I'll be fine.

Now, on Monday I had to film on "Goldberg's",

the show I was on at the time.

I had a 5:00 AM call time so I had to go

and I was filming one like pickup shot,

and so I was there on set, can barely like close my mouth,

but I'm like getting through these lines,

and then we wrap really early.

I blast back home, I call the dentist and I'm like,

"I am in agonizing pain.

Like, my tooth feels like it's gonna explode."

And they're like, "Yeah, we could probably see you

like right now if it's an emergency."

I'm like, "Absolutely."

And I just blasted my way there, and I show up

and then the relief that I felt

the second they like put the anesthetic in,

and they're like, yeah, you have a tooth infection.

I think it's because they're separate insurances

that that separates it in our mind to be like,

teeth aren't real part of body.

It can't be that bad of a health problem.

Yeah. And then it is.

I had a similar thing.

I actually, I was supposed to fly out, this is in college,

fly out to the Texas relays,

which is one of the biggest track meets in the nation.

We were flying out from LA, staying there for a full week

to do like two different meets, and same thing.

Had a tooth infection but I was like,

I'll deal with it when I get back from like,

the spring break Texas relays trip,

and then it blew up the day we were like,

getting on the bus to go to the airport

and I hop on the bus and like my whole jaw

was just like visibly swollen,

and the team trainer just looks at me and goes like,

"What the happened to your jaw?

You were on the track and field team.

This is not a contact injury."

And I was like, "I think my tooth hurts.

I'll be fine, I'll figure it out in Texas."

And like, good on him, he sent me to the UCLA dental clinic

and they were like,

"Yeah, you have a massive tooth infection,

abscess, all that kind of stuff.

Immediately drained it

and I was able to actually fly out three days later

and still like make the meet.

But also he was like, if you tell them

that this happened via sports, then it'll like,

it'll be covered by the UCLA athletic insurance.

How did you explain that it happened via sports?

Oh, I was just like, yeah, I don't know.

I was like training and I got something-

I bit one of the hurdles, yeah, yeah.

It was more of like a bureaucratic thing.

Like, they weren't too interested.

My teeth are why I'm fast.

Accepting imperfections is often tough.

Shayne, when was the first time you realized

you were a perfectionist?

I think the problem was like getting into acting as a kid.

I've talked about this so much on like our podcast,

but, you know, there's kind of like an emphasis

on being perfect and like more like,

being visually perfect, right?

Like, oh, you need to fit the part.

You need to be like, you need to look great

when you go into this room full of adults, and like,

you need to be memorable, right?

You need to be more memorable

than everybody else who went in today, and so it's like,

perfectionism on like a weird level

where it's gotta be beyond like, there's no standard, right?

It's gotta be more perfect than you-

Just gotta be better than everybody else.

But not, there's no skill that's like measured.

It's just like, no, you have to be a cooler,

like, more charming person.

That's frightening.

I think joining Smosh you can kinda see

in like the first years that I joined,

you can see my insecurities slowly shed

as I just kind of like accept who I am, right?

Like, talked a lot about how I was wearing lifts in my shoes

when I first started.

I was constantly wearing a jacket

to just kind of cover up my body

to like, hide. Shayne, you don't have

to cover up your body in front of me.

I know. I'm proud of your body.

I actually am just wearing this

'cause I think it's cool as hell.

But yeah, I slowly just started taking those things away

and like embracing who I am and making a lot of jokes.

Like, my self-deprecating humor was kind of in a way

me like accepting who I was.

Like, I'm making fun of the fact that I'm short,

I'm making fun of the fact that I'm silly,

that I'm not this thing 'cause I'm like,

that never was who I was gonna be,

and by trying to become something that I'm not,

that's way worse than anything that I am.

When you meet somebody new in your life,

you have no idea what the previous version of them was.

Yeah. And it's kind of like,

really fascinating.

I'm curious what your first impression of me was.

I think I thought you were hilarious right off the bat.

There was one time where I was in the kitchen

and you were in the middle of a shoot, but like,

you came in, I think you needed lunch or something.

You were hungry and like you're like talking to people

and you're like, "All right, all right,

yeah, for sure, for sure."

And like, you come past me and you're just like,

"Get the outta my way."

And like, you said it in a way that I'm like,

I know this is so funny.

I know like, you mean it in such a funny way,

but you're also just such an honest person in that way.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You gotta learn to like take things as they come.

I remember once Courtney being like,

"Oh, did you see that ramen I cooked?

I posted stories of this ramen I made over the weekend."

And you're like, "Yeah, it looked really great actually.

I don't know why I lied.

No, it looked really overcooked."

And Courtney was just like, "For sure, for sure."

Yeah, I'd known you all for like a couple weeks.

A few weeks, but no, let's get this going.

I get bummed out when I go to Smosh.

End of sentence.

No.

I get bummed out when I go to Smosh.

It bums me out in a really, like,

almost bittersweet nostalgia way when I walk in and like,

I don't recognize like the person

who's like working the desk or like,

there's new producers and they're like,

"Hey, how you doing?"

And I'm just like, oh, I don't know.

They have their own life of their own.

That's also been just like this past year, man.

I mean, Smosh has just it's crazy

the success that we've had.

It's kind of unprecedented.

It's become this big thing suddenly.

I do my show "Shayne Guesses", right?

Where I'm like guessing a list of things

and I have to pick which coworker it is,

and the list has gotten so big now that I'm like, I can't-

Did this start with the slap thing?

Yes. Was that the first one?

I pitched that I was like,

"I'll be blindfolded, people slap me on this."

You didn't have to tell me that you pitched that.

I can tell.

Did I just get punched in the face?

You wanna eat a mango passion peach pie?

Yes. Peach mango pie.

This is a dessert pie.

Whoa.

All right.

Oh, I got the ube pie.

I didn't know if they had it.

Wait. Yes, here.

Okay. All right.

Why can't I figure that out?

That wasn't a bit.

I just learned that ube is a yam, right?

Depending on how you use.

The word yam is a really nebulous term

that means a lot of different things

to a lot of different people.

Okay, I was at lunch- Tuber. It's a tuber.

But aren't potatoes tubers?

Yes.

But someone was saying that yams grow on vines.

Well, so it probably depends what they mean by yam

'cause like if you go to like West Africa, right?

They likely call cassava yam.

Okay. So if you like,

have ever had Nigerian food, they have fufu.

No.

Oh, you've never had Nigerian food?

Damn. We should do that

off camera, dude.

Yeah. It's one of the best.

All right.

They have like a pounded yam thing.

It's like really starchy, but it's cassava

and then if you go to like Japan,

they have something that's like grated mountain yam

that's just a completely unrelated thing.

And then in America we're just like,

oh, these are candied yams and it's just a sweet potato.

So yeah, just kind of it's just starchy purple thing

that somewhat resembles a potato that's quite sweet.

Okay, which one should I do first?

Go with the peach mango.

Okay.

They still fry their pies

unlike the cowards at McDonald's.

So good though.

Should be frying it in beef tallow.

Seed oils, they're killing us.

Oh shit. I had someone

really earnestly tell me

I need to stop eating seed oils recently,

and just rather than fighting it, I just said, "All right."

Sure, man. You know?

Didn't wanna bring up the research.

Do you remember the first time you just acquiesced

to someone's terrible idea 'cause it wasn't worth the fight?

I had an Uber driver tell me his script,

the summary of his script that he was gonna sell

before he makes it big in Hollywood,

and he told me the script idea,

which was not really a story or a script of any sort,

it was just kind of a weird conspiracy theory,

and he was like, "What do you think of that?"

And I was like, "That's amazing, man.

That's gonna be a great movie."

'Cause I was terrified. His name was Joss Whedon.

Yeah.

Can I have? Okay.

I already started eating, I'm sorry.

The ube is loose.

This is loose and wet.

Oh my God, this is good.

Shayne, do you remember your first big failure?

When I was a little kid, like five years old,

I was in a soccer league and I remember all season long

did not score a single goal, and I was like, damn.

Like, 5-year-old me being like, I suck at this.

And finally one game, I got the ball, I'm going down,

I'm like, I've got this.

Oh my God, it's my moment, I kick it in the goal,

I'm literally like freaking out and then everyone's like,

that was your own goal.

Like, you completely just scored on yourself.

And I was like, "For sure, man."

And that was a pretty big bummer.

That was the only goal I got that entire season.

Did they give the other team the point?

I don't think so.

I think at that age they're not even counting it.

Their job is to uncluster the children

'cause at some point they all just end up

kicking the ball with equal force in a circle.

You're just running around, right?

Like, I definitely spent most of the games like,

picking grass off the ground.

And that set the tone for your entire life

of failing. Yeah. Oh, absolutely.

And I've learned in here at Smosh, like,

failing can be the greatest gift.

Shayne, what's one first that you haven't had yet

that you're looking forward to having

other than losing your virginity?

Yeah. Other than sex. Other than sex, yeah.

It's overrated.

Okay, first thing that just came to my head

is I would love to see a blue whale in person.

Like, just 'cause like-

Underwater or above water or on land?

To see a blue whale,

I think you're probably gonna be on a boat,

like, 'cause you have to go so far out.

It probably wouldn't be underwater.

Just to see one would be super cool.

Blue whale. Seeing animals just always

is like kina dope.

Yeah, that's the thing as I've gotten older.

That's maybe my Arby's.

Ooh Is seeing animals.

I just feel like every day I'm doing something different.

Even if it's small, little things, you know?

Like this.

And now we gotta get Nigerian food.

Tune in for part two.

I wanna do, I wanna defenestrate somebody.

What is that?

Defenestrate.

Is that like kill 'em?

What happens after they're defenestrated is not up to me.

Defenestrated. All I know

is they're currently fenestrated

and I want them defenestrated.

I'm scared.

You're not gonna be the one that's...

Well, there is a fenester right here.

A fenester?

We'll be fine.

Thank you so much for stopping by "Mythical Kitchen."

We got new episodes out all the time.

Make sure you read up on the defenestration of Prague

or some of the many political defenestrations

throughout history as a big bohemian way to execute.

I'm gonna Google this right after this

and I hope it's not something scary.

Join the Mythical Society 3rd Degree quarterly

or annual now to get the Mythical Clue game.

Key Vocabulary

Vocabulary	Meanings
drive /draɪv/ B1	verb - to operate and control a vehicle verb - to motivate or push forward
license /ˈlaɪsəns/ B1	noun - official permission to do something, especially to drive a vehicle
skateboard /ˈskeɪtˌbɔrd/ B2	noun - a board with wheels used for riding or performing tricks verb - to ride or perform tricks on a skateboard
knee /niː/ A2	noun - the joint between the thigh and the lower leg
ketchup /ˈkɛtʃəp/ A2	noun - a sweet thick sauce made from tomatoes
pancit /pænˈsɪt/ C1	noun - Filipino noodle dish, usually stir‑fried with vegetables, meat or seafood
palabok /pɑːləˈbɒk/ C2	noun - a Filipino noodle dish topped with a thick shrimp‑and‑egg sauce, chicharrón, and other garnishes
sauce /sɔːs/ A2	noun - a liquid or semi‑liquid condiment used to add flavor
shrimp /ʃrɪmp/ A2	noun - a small marine crustacean, often eaten as seafood
banana /bəˈnɑːnə/ A1	noun - a long curved fruit with a thick yellow skin and soft sweet flesh
fiber /ˈfaɪbər/ B2	noun - dietary material that aids digestion and is found in plant foods
nutrient /ˈnjuː.tri.ənt/ B2	noun - a substance that provides nourishment essential for growth and the maintenance of life
jetpack /ˈdʒet.pæk/ C1	noun - a device worn on the back that propels the wearer through the air using jets of gas or liquid
perfectionist /pərˈfek.ʃən.ɪst/ C1	noun - a person who refuses to accept any standard short of perfection
trauma /ˈtrɔː.mə/ C1	noun - a deeply distressing or disturbing experience; physical injury
humor /ˈhjuːmər/ B2	noun - the quality of being amusing or comical; ability to perceive funny aspects of things
insecurity /ˌɪn.sɪˈkjʊə.rɪ.ti/ C1	noun - the feeling of being uncertain or anxious about oneself
defenestrate /dɪˈfɛn.ɪˌstreɪt/ C2	verb - to throw someone or something out of a window

Key Grammar Structures

• I don't know how to drive.

  ➔ Present simple negative + infinitive clause

  ➔ The verb **"don't"** makes the present‑simple statement negative.

• I stole his wallet!

  ➔ Simple past (regular verb)

  ➔ The verb **"stole"** is the past‑tense form of *steal*.

• I'm trying to be better about this 'cause I noticed that I'm really bad with my phone.

  ➔ Present continuous + gerund + because‑clause + past simple

  ➔ The verb phrase **"I'm trying"** uses the present continuous to show an ongoing effort.

• I started lifting when I was a teenager.

  ➔ Past simple + gerund + time clause with "when"

  ➔ The verb **"started"** is in the simple past, followed by the gerund **"lifting"**.

• I have a dentist appointment right after this, by the way.

  ➔ Present simple + object + time expression + parenthetical phrase

  ➔ The verb **"have"** shows possession in the present simple.

• I love how you gotta request to crinkle more.

  ➔ Present simple + noun clause + modal "gotta" + infinitive

  ➔ The informal modal **"gotta"** (have to) is followed by the infinitive **"request"**.

• I think you were hilarious right off the bat.

  ➔ Present simple + that‑clause (zero‑verb) + past simple

  ➔ The verb **"think"** takes a complement clause; **"were"** is the past simple of *be*.

• I would love to see a blue whale in person.

  ➔ Conditional modal "would" + infinitive

  ➔ The modal **"would"** expresses a polite desire; it is followed by the infinitive **"see"**.

• I think I'm going to defenestrate somebody.

  ➔ Present simple + present continuous + future "going to" + infinitive

  ➔ The phrase **"am going to"** introduces a planned future action; **"defenestrate"** is the infinitive verb.