– English Lyrics

Lyrics & Translation

[English]

I guess this is it. Insanity.

Next up, a padded room at the safety

home.

Just go with it, Squitty.

empty.

Uh, refill, my good man. What the

Patrick? What are you doing here?

>> It's delicious. What is it?

>> A smoothie.

>> Remember, Squiddy, just go with it.

Cheeky cheeky

ha.

>> Hey fellas, look. It's Squidwardy.

>> Hey buddy, where you been?

>> Hit it, boys.

Squidwardy

Squidward. Cheeky land.

Cheeky cheeky. You can relax all day

like a cheeky cat.

Cheeky cheeky

lay out in the sun for a cheeky

cheeky cheeky

or drink from a coconut that's full of

Squidward's cheeky land.

You can play all day in a cheeky band,

then dance all night on the cheeky

stratter

to me cuz I'm crazy man

here in Squidward. Cheeky.

>> This is the life.

It's beautiful.

I've never been this happy in my life.

My world.

>> You were right, Spongebob. We should

have used glue instead of ear wax. Yeah,

especially considering neither of us

have ears.

>> You You destroyed my beautiful world.

>> Sorry we couldn't make it last forever,

Squidward.

>> Yeah, we really tried to make it last.

>> Yeah, make it last.

know how to make it last.

This map doesn't show us where the

mustard vein is located. Well, let's

just start picking.

>> We ahead of you, pal.

We will go

with

>> you netwits. How will we get out now?

We're trapped in a mine. We'll never get

up.

Crappy party start.

He's coming round.

>> I I need

>> What can I get for you?

>> I need a little mustard for the Krabby

Patty.

>> Why do I even bother? Maybe there's a

back door.

>> Hey, wait for us.

>> I wonder how deep it is.

>> I'll check.

Don't bother jumping. That shaft has no

bottom. Let's take the escalator.

>> All right.

>> Coal miners.

>> Sulfur miners.

>> Unaccompanied miners.

All right, let's get to work.

Chowderheads.

Hey, I found some yellow.

>> Never mind, it's just gold.

>> All I'm getting is dumb old diamonds.

>> This must be the mummy's curse that old

guy was talking about.

>> Five golden diamonds.

Eat gold dust. No, it's just sand.

>> Uh, what was that?

>> The greatest treasure of all, a child.

Hello,

>> Spongebob. Where's me? Mustard.

>> I want some.

>> On the way, sir. As soon as we find it.

Love you.

>> I will never find that mustard vine.

>> What is this?

Local train approaching station.

>> Hurry up, before the doors close.

>> It's the last train of the night.

>> Do you have a guard?

I got it.

Come off my mind.

>> Watch the closing door.

This Squidward, you really should watch

the closing doors.

>> This is a local mining train making all

stops between coal and limestone. Next

stop, Contiments.

>> That's our stop.

Come on, Squidward.

>> I know you broke into my house this

afternoon. I know you stole it. Now,

fast up.

>> This afternoon? Well, I was I've been

here all day. Count me money. Just look

at me. Butt grove.

>> Good contours and still warm. The story

checks out.

>> All right, crabs. We'll mosy along this

time.

Come on, Spongebob.

>> Boys, if you two do find that clarinet,

could you bring it to me so I can smash

it to pieces?

>> We pulled up to the local dweeb market

where I hope to find my next suspect,

maven of all things moronic, bubble

bass. Sign said closed, but I could hear

their nerdy murmuring inside.

>> And then from the depths of the barbecue

comes the ferocious fireb breathing gas

bath. Ow.

>> Wait. Let him handle this.

Take that.

>> All right. You've got me cornered, but I

won't give up without a fight.

>> I was hoping you would say that.

>> It was a real knockdown dragout fight.

Or it would have been if it hadn't been

just two sad adults playing with toys.

>> Wait, wait. Roll the dice. It is punch

land.

>> It's a hit.

>> Where were you this afternoon? Where's

Squidward's clarinet? I don't know what

you're talking about. I was here all

day. I swear it.

Billy, don't make me turn this boat

around.

>> No,

I still could have passed you off is

near mint.

>> I'm so sorry for your loss.

>> I'm not. Come on, Spongebob. Let's go.

This is a dead end.

>> Well, there's only one person left on my

list of suspects. Patrick Star.

>> Um, yeah. How'd you know?

>> Hey guys.

>> Well, the criminal returns to the scene

of the crime. Spell the bees, Jack.

Where's my clarinet?

>> I don't know who Jack is, boy. I would

like some beans.

>> Let me lay it out for you, Chucko. When

I took my nap today, you broke in

through the window, smashed my living

room, got that goo you're eating all

over, and stole my clarinet.

>> Oh, this isn't goo. It's jelly. The good

stuff, too, from real jellyfish.

>> Real jellyfish jelly. You can only find

that in one place. That means our thief

>> must have been at Jellyfish Fields.

Let's go. right behind your mouth.

>> When we arrived at Jellyfish Fields, I

could already hear my clarinet's douled

tones.

>> My baby.

Oh, so it was the jellyfish that took

your clarinet, but from the sound of it,

I'd say they've learned that crime

doesn't play.

>> Look, the jellyfish are fans of your

music.

>> We should solve another mystery now.

>> Yeah. Uh, how about the mystery of where

all my coins went? H

solved.

swimmer. Yeah. Yeah.

>> And that's how it ended. Clarinet

returned. Case closed. Another mystery

solved by Squidward Tentacles, jazz

detective.

Woohoo!

I did it.

Yes.

>> I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it.

And I did it.

>> Did what?

>> Here you go, my stroll. My masterpiece.

H.

Oh, very unusual. I think we have a

venom, Mr. Tentacles.

Good evening, music lovers of Bikini

Bottom. Tonight is the premiere of a new

symphony written by one of our own,

Squidward Tentacles.

Mhm. Mhm.

I wrote down everything I heard.

That's going to leave a mark.

Oh,

here.

Mhm.

Woo!

Mhm.

Heat. Heat.

That poor guy.

Patrick, get off of me.

Oh, now that's what I call music. That

little yellow guy is awesome.

>> Let us not forget the tubby starfish.

>> Oh yeah, but the real genius is the

composer. Squidward Squidward.

Squidward. Squidward. Squidward.

No. Stop. You can't join. hair joint.

>> You can't get in.

>> Well, this is stupid. There's no room up

here.

>> That's what we've been trying to tell

you.

>> We've been stuck up here for 3 days.

>> We told you you wouldn't fit in.

>> Well, since you're here, Squidward,

we'll give you the new member

initiation. Are you ready, Patrick?

>> Ready.

>> Welcome to my club. Welcome to my club.

Welcome, Squidward. squiddy.

>> Shut your halfwit pie holes. I do not

know, nor will I ever want to be a

member of your stupid club.

Make a wish, honey.

again.

>> Oh no, that didn't just happen. Please

tell me that didn't happen.

>> What happened?

>> Where are we? We're lost. There's no way

out. Stuck in the middle of nowhere with

Spongebob and Patrick.

Now, why must every 11 minutes of my

life be filled with misery? Why?

>> Oh, cheer up, Squid. It could be worse.

>> Yeah, you could be bald and have a big

nose.

>> Well, this is the end.

>> No, it's not, Squidward.

>> It's not.

>> Come on, guys. We're going to be fine as

long as we stick together. Remember,

we're a club.

And besides, we have this.

>> What's that?

>> Oh, the magic con shell. Ask it

something. Ask it something.

>> Magic con shell. Will I ever get

married?

>> Maybe someday.

>> You've got to be kidding. That is just a

stupid toy. How can that possibly help

us? Squidward, we must never question

the wisdom of the magic conch. The club

always takes its advice before we do

anything.

>> The shell knows all.

>> Oh, magic con shell. What do we need to

do to get out of the kelp forest?

>> Nothing.

>> The shell has spoken.

>> Nothing. We can't just sit here and do

nothing.

I can't believe you two are going to

take advice from a toy.

All right. All right. All right. I don't

need your help. I am going to find my

way back to sanity. But don't you two

sad clowns come crying to me when your

circus tent comes crashing down. Sad

clowns.

Sad

clowns.

What was that?

I was already here.

Which way do I go?

I'm lost.

Oh, I'm hopelessly lost. I'll never get

out of here.

Huh?

I'm free.

Did that Spongebob and Patrick?

There's no way out of here.

How's it going over there at Club Shell

for Brains?

I am hungry. I wonder what's on the menu

for Club Squidward tonight.

Ah,

I smell good, Spongebob. You haven't

eaten in days.

What about you, Patrick? A big boy's got

to eat.

Well, you can't have any. And do you

know why, Spongebob? Because your club

president is a shell. If you had

listened to me, you'd have food,

shelter, and a roaring fire. But

instead, you listen to a talking clam.

All right. First, I'm going to give you

something so simple a person without a

brain could even get it done right.

>> Oh, that's good, cuz I lent my brain to

Patrick for the weekend.

>> Really?

>> No, not really. He traded me these two

chocolate bars for it.

>> I don't care. Just use this paint to

cover up that faded part on the wall

right there. Don't touch anything else.

>> Okay.

Spongebob, what was that noise?

>> Keep me alive and drench me in boiling

oil. What have you done to my living

room? I told you just to paint the faded

spot.

>> Well, it all look kind of faded.

>> Never mind. Maybe it won't show up on

camera. Here, help me move this sofa.

>> You got it, Switty. Where are we moving

her to?

>> Hang on. I'm trying to get a grip on the

thing now. Don't move it till I say.

Okay. It's on my foot now.

>> Okay.

Spongebob, I told you not to move it

till I said. Why do you keep moving it?

>> Cuz you keep saying

>> I don't need you. I can move it myself.

>> Wow. Squidward, you're so strong.

And you split your sofa in half. It'll

be really easy to move now.

>> Oh no, they're already here. Go get a

vacuum to clean up all the sofa bits. I

got to run upstairs and dress my wound.

>> Roger. Okay, Squidward. Found the

vacuum. Squidward.

Well, I'll just vacuum for him.

Oh, Squidward's house is really messy.

I'm going to need some extra power.

Okay, Spongebob. I finished. What the

>> Don't worry, Squidward. I'll turn it

off.

Come out of there.

Uh, hang on. Please.

Please. Just one more minute. Nick,

>> who's Nick? Sorry, Squidward. I couldn't

wait any longer. I got to use your

toilet. No questions. Thanks.

>> I wouldn't go in there for a couple days

or weeks.

>> Please, please, somebody put me out of

my misery.

Have mercy on my soul.

Hey, Squidward. If you see Spongebob,

can you give him his brain back? I was

borrowing it for the weekend. I'll just

set it. Uh, here. See you.

>> Thank you, Brack.

Oh, no.

Hello and welcome back to House Fancy.

We're arriving at the home of a Mr.

Squidward Tentacles who claims his house

is far fancier than that of William

Fancy. Let's take a look.

>> Well, I I um I I I'm not quite sure how

to say this. Go ahead, say it.

>> Squidward tentacles, you seem to have

ushered in an entire new era in house

fanciness.

>> I have. I have.

>> What you have done herearkens back to

the illustrious post-primitive movement

popularized by famous designer Saul Lim.

Say, was he a big inspiration for you?

>> Why, yes, I've studied him for years.

>> No. I would like to announce that

Squidward's house will be featured in an

hour-ong commercial free house fancy

special and Squidward will be crowned

house fancy prince of the year. An honor

which was originally to be bestowed upon

William but now isn't.

>> Oh boy. What fun?

>> You lose.

>> Did you see that, Spongebob? I almost

got that on my first try.

>> My work here is done.

>> They don't call me Squidward Manual

Dexterity Tentacles for nothing.

>> Well, why don't I give it a try?

>> Good luck, young winner.

>> It's a bear. I'm going to call you

Barry.

>> Beginner's luck. Now it's the master's

turn.

loser.

>> Wow, Squidward, you flipped him over.

That takes an awful amount of skill.

>> Well, thank you for saying so.

>> Barry says he's getting lonely. Don't

worry, Barry. I'll get you a friend.

>> If you think you're going to win that

thing again, winner. Here you go, Barry.

>> Oh, I loosened that one up for you. You

would have never won that without my

skill.

>> Wow. Thanks for your help, Squidward.

>> I bet I win at this thing the very next

time I try. Now all I got to do is

>> at a quarter a pop. This thing pays for

itself in no time.

>> I'm not falling for that malaki.

Hey, Squidward.

Hey, Squidward.

Hey, Squidward.

>> Okay, Mrs. Wiggles, order up. Barry

cooked this one all by himself. Oh, he

makes me so proud.

>> Squid.

Squidward.

>> Oh, what the All right, let's get this

over with. Need some change?

>> There you are. Hey, thanks.

>> No, no, Mr. Squidward. Thank you.

>> You always need some more change.

You lose.

>> Need some change?

>> No. Why?

Because I'm all out of money.

Oh, Adam.

Boys, it's payday.

>> But Mr. Krabs, today is Monday. But uh

no, it's payday. Me boy. Here's your

check. Spongebob

money.

>> I took the liberty of turning your

paycheck into quarters just in case you

want to oh, I don't know, do laundry or

buy a soda or something. Very funny, Mr.

Krabs. If I can't win one of those

stupid things with this quarter, I'm

walking away.

>> 6 hours later.

>> Pardon me, Squidward. Sponge Bear Jr.

here wants me to win him a little

brother.

>> You are a winner.

>> Two in one quarter. That's not fair.

What's that clown frown? Oh, you'd

rather sit next to lovely lion.

There you are. Nice and cozy. See you

later, Squidward.

A little mindn numbing television ought

to help me forget about that stupid

machine.

You've had a rough day, Squiddy, but

that doesn't mean tomorrow won't be

better.

>> Oh,

wait.

Hello.

>> Yes. Can I help you?

>> I'm here about the happiness. I'll be

moving in now.

>> Are you alone?

>> No. I mean, yes. There's nobody with me.

Yes. Peace and quiet.

>> Are you now or have you ever been a

sponge?

>> No.

>> What about it?

>> No. No starfish. Just a regular normal

peaceloving.

Heaven at last.

I've seen more alert people in a

retirement home. Oh, which way to the

living without a brain seminar? Don't be

late. I've heard better comebacks from a

turkey sandwich. Get a life.

This place is better than I expected.

302, 303, and 304.

Beautiful.

And not a pineapple inside.

Good night, Clary. Tomorrow we begin

life a new

304 New Life Street. Squidward speaking.

>> There is no way I am moving back there.

Spongebob, I am finally among my own

kind.

>> Now, goodbye.

like

I think I'll take my bike today.

I'm my own man.

Now these neighbors know how to live.

intensive.

I'll bet they won't have

Wow, they have it. Canned bread. This

town is great.

I would really be impressed if it had an

interpretive dance academy.

Yeah, it's even better in a group.

This town is perfect.

A clarinet trio.

Another great day.

Oh, look. Everybody's on their bike

today.

It just gets better and better. All

together.

I sort of don't feel like playing my

clarinet today.

Yep, this is great. They might as well

rename this town Squidward's Paradise.

Or perhaps too much paradise.

>> Spongebob.

Oops.

Leaves.

Just getting the leaves.

Grab pizza for you.

Christ being cut here in the cra having

the peaks in the Z.

We've got to eat something.

>> I heard in times of hardship the

pioneers would eat coral.

>> No, maybe it wasn't coral.

>> Maybe it was sand. No, no, mud.

>> Give me the pizza.

>> Wait, I remember now. It was coral.

>> Give it to me.

>> No, we promised it's for the customer.

>> You're right. It's for the customer.

>> Yeah,

>> maybe we better check on it. Make sure

it's okay.

>> Well,

>> just a peek.

>> Okay, it's fine.

>> No, I think I saw something.

Oh, nope. I was wrong. Looks okay. Sure

is a fine looking pizza.

>> Yeah.

>> What's that? Is that the cheese?

>> Yeah.

>> And the pepperoni?

>> Yeah.

>> Oh, looks good, huh?

>> Wait a second. I know what you're trying

to do, Squidward. I'm not letting you

eat the pizza.

>> Give me that pizza.

>> No.

>> Don't make me take it away from you,

Spongebob.

>> Get away.

>> Get back here, Spongebob. Give me that

pizza.

>> Move.

Spongebob,

no.

>> Spongebob, no.

>> Wait.

>> No.

>> No.

>> I want that pizza. And you're going to

hand it over one way or another.

>> Look, we're saved.

>> Sure. We're saved. Now give me some

pizza.

>> No, really, Squid. We're saved. We're

saved. We're saved.

You cut that out.

Save

safe. Safe save.

We are safe.

>> That's just a stupid boulder.

>> It's not just a boulder.

It's a rock. A rock.

A rock.

It's a big beautiful old rock. Oh, the

pioneers used to ride these babies for

miles and it's in great shape.

Spongebob, will you forget the stupid

pioneers? Have you ever noticed that

there are none of them left? That's

because they were lousy hitchhikers, ate

coral, and took directions from algae.

And now you're telling me they thought

they could drive

>> rocks. Hold on there, Jethro.

>> I can't wait to see the look on our

customers face.

>> Yeah.

>> Congratulations, sir. Your Krabby Patty

pizza is here.

>> Wow. Thanks. I've been dying for one of

these. It Where's my drink?

>> What drink?

>> My drink? My diet. Dr. Kelp, don't tell

me you forgot my drink.

>> But you didn't order any.

>> How am I supposed to eat this pizza

without my drink?

>> Didn't you ever once think of the

customer? You call yourself a delivery

boy? Well, I ain't buying.

Sponge.

Sponge.

It's okay.

Sponge.

Punch.

>> Another one. Look, I told you, little

friend. I ain't paying for that.

>> Well, this one's on the

>> Did he change his mind?

>> He sure did. Ate the whole thing in one

bite.

>> No drink.

>> N take me home.

>> Are you kidding? We have just enough

time to make it back to work.

>> Work.

>> Well, the first thing I want to do is

show my best friend Squidward to

everybody in town. Hi there. This is my

best friend Squidward.

Hey kids, check it out. This is my best

friend Squidward.

Hi. I want to show you my best friend,

Squidward.

>> Hey, Frank.

Glad that's over.

>> Good, cuz we're on to our next activity,

>> which is

>> I'm going to show my best friend,

Squidward, to everyone in town wearing a

salmon suit.

>> You're going to be wearing a salmon

suit.

>> That's a good one, Squidward.

Next, knock jokes. Hey, Squid. Knock

knock.

>> Who's there?

>> I am.

>> Oh, yeah.

Look out, everyone. Friends in reverse.

Turn left and stop. See, that's what it

would be like if you had me for a face.

>> I can't breathe.

>> Are you sure you should be poking it

like that?

>> Who's the doctor here?

>> The last thing on the list is

>> Does it involve more dismemberment?

>> Watch the sunset with Squidward.

>> Sunset.

>> The way I see it, the lad's got until

sunset before that bomb hits his lower

intestine. Hey, it's Mr. Krabs. Hi, Mr.

Krabs.

>> Okay, see you later.

>> Come on, buddy. You want a sunset?

You'll get a sunset.

>> Underwater sunsets sure are beautiful.

Hey, Squidward.

>> Yeah.

>> Yeah. This is great. Just the three of

us. You, me, and this brick wall you

built between us.

>> Yeah.

>> Sunsets always remind me of bowls of

fruit. What do they make you think of,

Squidward?

>> Explosions.

I mean, uh, erosion.

>> You know, if I were to die right now in

some sort of fiery explosion due to the

carelessness of a friend, well, that'll

just be okay.

>> Wow, it feels like something just

dropped into my lower intestine.

Hey, smells like cherry or maybe grape.

Blueberry. Here it is. The sunset. I

always love to count it down. Five. You

do the rest, buddy.

4 3

2

1.

>> I guess we started too early. Let's

start again.

Five, four, three.

Well,

at least I was able to make his last few

hours meaningful.

I am such a good person.

Hey, Squidward, check this out.

>> What's that? I thought you I'm

>> Squidward. We already play Babble like

an idiot.

>> Why are you still here?

>> Well, since we finished everything on

the list, I thought I'd make up a new

one. I already filled up this book with

ideas.

We should be able to finish by January.

>> Forget the book. I spent the whole day

with you doing all kinds of ridiculous

things because you were supposed to

explode.

>> You want me to explode?

>> Yes. That's what I've been waiting for.

>> Um, okay. I'll try.

>> Gary, you are going to finish your

dessert and you are going to like it.

>> Now it's your turn.

>> That's not what I meant, you head. Ooh,

good one.

>> No, you're supposed to explode into a

million pieces.

>> Why would I do that?

>> Because the pie you ate was a bomb.

>> What pie?

>> The one I left sitting on the counter

this morning that I bought from Pirates

for 25 bucks and I didn't know it was a

bomb and you ate it just that pie.

>> Pie? Oh, you mean this pie?

I was saving it in my pocket for us to

share. Let's eat. Oops.

So, I was all ready to drain the fries,

but I cooked the fries slightly too

long. So,

>> Spongebob.

>> So, here's where the bizarre twist comes

in.

>> Spongebob,

>> they weren't overcooked at all.

>> Spongebob, look.

>> Wow. What happened to the Krusty Krab?

>> Good morning. The Crusty Towers is now

open for business.

>> Why did you build a hotel, Mr. Krabs?

>> I'm glad you asked, son. Remember when I

went to that fast food convention and

stayed in that fancy hotel? I had a

beautiful room. The employees were so

friendly.

They catered to me every whim, no matter

how demeaning it was, because they lived

by a code. And that code was engraved in

fine gold above the grand fireplace. We

shall never deny a guest, even the most

ridiculous request. Everything was

perfect until I got the bell. They

charged me for everything. $25

for a hamburger.

If they could charge that much for a

lousy burger, imagine how much I could

charge for a lousy Krabby Patty. And

thus, the Crusty Towers was born.

Why would anyone stay at a hotel in

Bikini Bottom? It's in the middle of

scenic nowhere. There's nothing to do

but get stung by jellyfish. Take

>> you. Come inside.

>> Isn't it beautiful?

>> Where are all the new hotel employees?

>> My first hotel guest. Watch me reel them

in.

Welcome to the Crusty Towers, where our

motto is, "We shall never deny a guest

even the most ridiculous request."

>> Oh, that's great. I'd like a double

Krabby Patty with no onions and extra

pickles.

>> If you want a Krabby Patty, you'll have

to rent a room and order room service.

>> Ooh, I've only got an hour for lunch.

>> Or you reel that one in like a pro.

>> Okay, Squidward, you run the front desk.

>> I'd like a Krabby Patty, please. This is

a hotel now. If you want a Krabby Patty,

you'll have to get a room and order room

service.

>> Okay. One Krabby Patty and one room with

cheese. Oh, and can't I get cheese on

the Krabby Patty, too,

>> Patrick? You only live 400 yard away.

Why do you want to check into a hotel?

>> Sometimes I just need to get away from

it all. Wow, this hotel has everything.

>> Give me that. Now, sign the register.

>> I didn't know there'd be a test. I

didn't study.

>> That's right. All you have to do is

write your name.

>> Oh, okay.

Do you mind?

>> Done.

Close enough. Here's your room, Kate.

>> I'll need some help with my bags.

>> How can you have bags? You just found

out this is a hotel.

>> This is a hotel,

>> Spongebob. Yeah, Squidward,

>> take Patrick and his bags to his room.

>> What about my Krabby Patty

>> and bring him a Krabby Patty?

>> Squidward, you can take Patrick's bags

up to his room. Spongebob, you go make

the Krabby Patty?

>> Oh, Mr. Krabs, what's the matter? Afraid

of a little manual labor? I'm Squidward

and I have to work for a living.

>> Fine, let's go, Patrick.

This elevator is for guests only. Take

the employee elevator.

>> What's in these bags? Rocks. Hey, these

are rocks. Why is your suitcase full of

rocks? I don't tell you how to live your

life.

>> Well, here's your rope.

>> Wow.

>> Enjoy your stay.

>> Squidward, wait.

>> Keep up the good work and there'll be

more where that came from.

>> You're Krabby Patty, sir. Hey,

Squidward. Cool rock.

>> Hold on a second, Spongebob.

Here you are, my good man.

>> Oh, thank you, Patrick.

>> There's plenty more where that came

from, my good friend. Squidward,

>> what now?

>> I don't like crusts on my sandwich.

>> It's a bun. It's all crust. How am I

supposed to cut the crust off a bun?

>> It

out of the way, Spongebob.

I don't get it. I made my house a mess,

which was making it clean, which made

Squidward clean my yard. But that really

means he's messing it up. But the

opposite of clean is filth, which means

filth is clean. That means Squidward's

really making my yard a wreck. But I'd

normally wreck my own yard, which means

Squidward's being the opposite of

Squidward, which means he's Spongebob.

Aha! I understand everything now. I must

be the opposite of Spongebob by being

>> Squidward.

Hey, I want to be opposite, too.

Yeah, finally. Yoohoo. I'm Squidward.

I'm Squidward. Squidward. Squidward.

Squidward.

>> Wait. It's not enough to look like

Squidward to be opposite.

>> You have to act like him, too. Boy, oh

boy, do I like playing the clarinet. I

practice and practice all day long, but

I never get any better.

>> No, you try. Okay.

I'm Squidward. Squidward. Squidward.

Squidward. I'm Squidward. I'm Squidward.

I'm Squidward. Squidward. Squidward.

>> After you, Mr. Squidward.

>> My Thank you, Mr. Squidward.

>> You're quite welcome, Mr. Squidward.

>> Opposite day. Next time it's going to be

go jump off a cliff. Hi.

>> Oh my, the house is even more beautiful

in person.

>> Hello, M.

Mr. Tentacles.

>> Yes, please come in.

>> It's funny. I pictured you being much

taller.

>> Yeah, everyone says that.

>> Now, if you want the sale to go through,

you've got to tell me all the positive

things about your house.

>> Positive things. Opposite day. I'd love

to. The floor caks, the roof leaks,

there's a terrible draft.

>> Well, you didn't mention that on the

phone.

>> Please let me finish. The winters are

harsh. The summers are brutal. There's a

wild man eating clam in the backyard.

Now, would you care to see the rest of

my home?

>> Well, I'm not sure if I'm interested.

>> Nonsense. I won't take no for an answer.

Please follow me.

And here's the worst room in the house.

My gallery.

>> Oh my. This painting is very nice.

>> Who's that?

>> I'd like to introduce you to Mr.

Squidward.

>> You're both Squidward.

>> I'm Squidward. He's Squidward.

>> We're both Squidward.

>> Well, that's done. At least Spongebob

has been quiet.

>> No.

>> Okay. I really don't want to hear

another one.

>> Okay.

>> I really don't want to hear more. Thank

you.

>> I hear you loud and clear.

>> Stop. Get away from her.

Oh. Oh, I am so sorry, ma'am. I hope

these two barnacle heads haven't harmed

you in any way.

>> Who are you?

>> Why, I'm Squidward.

>> What kind of fool do you take me for?

He's Squidward. He's Squidward. You're

Squidward? I'm Squidward. Are there any

other Squidwards I should know about?

>> Meow.

>> I'm out of here.

>> Ma'am, please. What about my house? I

wouldn't sell a house for you if you

were the last Squidward on Earth.

>> Wait, don't go.

No. No.

Please sell my house. Never.

>> Don't leave me here.

>> Happy days, Squidward. We hate you.

Let me show you guys how much I

hate you.

>> Patrick, you ever feel that Squidward

likes us too much?

>> Happy opposite day.

>> That's me. Never had one, never will.

>> What?

>> What?

>> What? What did you say? I've never had a

Krabby Patty and never will.

>> I'm sorry. I don't

>> I've never had a Krabby Patty.

>> Those words. Is it possible to use them

in a sentence together like that?

>> I've never had a Krabby Patty. I've

never had a Krabby Patty. I've never had

a Krabby Patty.

>> Never had a Krabby Patty. Well, you've

got to have one right now. No wonder

you're always so miserable. Here, try

this.

>> Get that garbage out of my face.

>> If you try it, you'll love it. Try one

of those radioactive sludge balls you

call food. Next, I suppose you want me

to go square dancing with Patrick.

>> Sorry, Patrick.

>> Come on. You're going to

>> No.

>> Open up the tunnel. Here comes the

train. Choo choo.

>> No.

>> What's that in your ear?

>> Quit it.

>> Come on. Open wide.

>> Spongebob. If I were trapped at the

bottom of a well for 3 years with

nothing to eat but that Krabby Patty,

I'd eat my own legs first.

And not just the extra ones.

>> But it's good for you.

>> Good for you. That thing is a heart

attack on a bun.

>> No, Squidward. I meant good for your

soul.

>> Oh, please. I have no soul.

Okay. Just half.

>> No.

>> A quarter?

>> No.

>> One bite?

>> No.

>> Just smell it.

>> If I didn't want it out there, what

makes you think I'd find it more

appealing in here?

>> Come on, Squidward.

>> No.

>> One bite.

>> No.

>> You won't be sorry.

>> No.

>> It's delicious. Listen, Spongebob. How

long are you prepared to keep this up?

>> Give me that. When I die, you stay away

from my funeral.

Do I really

Why? This crabby patty may be the most

horrible, putrid, poorly prepared, vile,

unappetizing,

disgusting excuse for a sandwich. It has

ever been my displeasure to have

slithered down my throat. And I curse

this crabby patty. and all who enjoy

them to an early and welldeserved

grave.

>> Get it?

>> But it doesn't make any sense. The

Krabby Patty is an absolute good. Nobody

is immune to its tasty charms.

>> Nobody but me.

>> Are you sure?

>> Does this look unsure to you?

>> No.

>> Good. Now go spread the word.

Come on. Come on. Come on.

Still alive.

So delicious.

All the wasted years.

I got to have more. I got to have more.

But wait,

after that performance, he'd never let

me live it down. And I got to sneak one.

Just one. Then I'm off the stuff for

good.

>> I didn't think it was possible, but I

guess some people just don't like Krabby

Patties.

>> Spongebob.

>> Yes, Squidward. I need a triple Krabby

Supreme on a kelp bun with extra sea

pickle and burn it to a crisp. Okay,

>> coming right up. Listen, Squidward, I

want to apologize for before. I was only

trying to make you happy.

I was trying to make myself happy, but

now I've learned all the

like the same thing.

Don't go.

>> Well, I strongly disagree with your

decision. I accept it. You know, it's

not often I get to make one like this. I

want to see the look on their face when

they take that first bite.

Oh no.

I'll save you, Squidward.

Squidward, are you all right? That's it.

Chew. Chew and swallow.

>> There. Better.

>> Better. I was just fine until you

launched that ballistic junk food into

my windpipe.

>> But I had to. It's too dangerous to play

the clarinet badly out here in the

wilderness. It might attract

a sea bear.

>> A sea bear? You mean like the ones that

don't exist?

>> What are you saying?

>> There's no such thing. They're just a

myth. Oh no, Squidward. Seab bears are

all too real. It says so in the Bikini

Bottom Inquirer.

>> I married a sea bear.

>> Yeah, and Fake Science Monthly.

>> Seab bears and fairy tales are real.

That's the stupidest thing I've ever

heard.

>> Well, maybe it is stupid, but it's also

dumb.

>> Patrick's right, Squidward. Seab bears

are no laughing matter. Why? Once I met

this guy who knew this guy who knew this

guy who knew this guy who knew this guy

who knew this guy who knew this guy who

knew this guy who knew this guy who knew

this guy who knew this guy who knew this

guy who knew this guy who knew this guy

who knew this guy who knew this guy who

knew this guy's cousin.

>> You're right. I should be more careful.

In fact, why don't you tell me all of

the things I shouldn't do if I want to

keep the sea bears away?

>> Okay, that's easy. First off, don't play

with clarinet.

>> Okay, then what? Never wave your

flashlight back and forth really fast.

>> Flashlights are their natural prey.

>> You're kidding.

>> Don't stomp around. They take that as a

challenge.

>> Yeah.

>> Go on.

>> Don't ever eat cheese.

>> Sliced or cubed.

>> Cubed, sliced is fine.

>> Yeah. Yeah. And

>> never wear a sombrero

>> in a goofy fashion

>> or clown shoes

>> or a hoop skirt.

>> And never

>> ever

>> ever.

Like a champ.

>> Wow. It's amazing how many things can

set a sea bear off.

>> Horrible.

>> And and suddenly I have the sense we're

all in danger.

>> Why?

>> I don't know.

>> Just a feeling.

>> No.

>> Yes.

>> No.

>> Squidward. Please don't.

>> Spongebob, what are we going to do? A

sea bear is sure to kill Bonito.

>> Don't worry, Patrick. I'll draw us an

anti sea bear circle in the dirt.

>> Good thinking. All the experts say it's

the only defense against a seab bear

attack.

>> You guys are so gullible. See, I did

everything that attracts a seab bear and

nothing happened. If sea bears really

exist, why didn't one show up?

>> Maybe it's because you're not wearing

your sombrero in a goofy fashion.

>> Oh. Sorry. How silly of me. You mean

like this?

>> No, like that.

>> Squidward, are you okay?

>> No. Quick, jump inside our anti-seabar

circle before he comes back.

>> Yeah, seab bears often attack more than

once.

>> Are you crazy? A dirt circle won't stop

that monster. I'm running for my life.

>> Don't run. Sea bears hate that.

>> Thanks for the tip. I guess I'll just

live home then.

>> No.

They hate limping more than running.

>> Well, I guess I'll just have

>> I should have warned you about crawling.

>> What did I do last time?

>> I don't know. Well, I guess he just

doesn't like you.

>> Pretend to be somebody else.

>> Here, draw a circle.

>> Okay.

>> That was an oval. It has to be a circle.

>> Move over.

People, people, settle down.

>> Okay. Now, how many of you have played

musical instruments before?

>> Do instruments of torture count?

>> No.

>> Is mayonnaise an instrument?

>> No, Patrick. Mayonnaise is not an

instrument.

>> Horseradish is not an instrument either.

That's fine. No one has any experience.

Fortunately, I have enough talent for

all of you.

All of you.

>> When do we get the free food?

>> Okay, try to repeat after me.

Briss section. Go.

Good. Now, the wind

and the drums.

Too bad that didn't kill me. Let's just

try stepping in rhythm now. I want

everyone to stand in straight rows of

five.

>> Is this the part where we start kicking?

>> No, Spongebob. That's a chorus line.

>> Kicking? I want to do some kicking.

>> Why you? Why?

Whoever's the owner of the white sedan,

you left your lights on.

Day two.

Okay, that's perfect. Everybody, bubble

b here we come. Flag twers, really spin

those things. Okay, turn. Flag twirlers,

let's go. I want to see some spinning.

Flag twirlers, let's move. Come on,

move.

>> Day three.

>> How's that harmonica solo coming,

Plankton?

>> It's tremendous. You ought to see

Day four. Well, this is our last night

together before the show, and I know

that you haven't improved since we

began,

>> but I have a theory. People talk loud

when they want to act smart, right?

Correct. So, if we play loud, people

might think we're good. Everybody ready?

And a one and a two. And a one, two,

three, four.

Okay, new theory. Maybe we should play

so quietly no one can hear us.

>> Well, maybe we wouldn't sound so bad if

some people didn't try to play with big

meaty claws.

>> What did you say, punk? Big meaty claws.

Well, these claws ain't for just

attracting mates. Bring it on, old man.

Bring it on. No people, let's be smart

and bring it off.

>> Oh, so now the talking cheese is going

to preach to us.

>> Wait, wait. I know tensions are high.

Settle down.

>> Hey, class is over.

>> Okay.

>> Well, you did it. You took my one chance

at happiness and crushed it. Crushed it

into little tiny bite-sized pieces. I

really had expected better of you

people.

Whoopee! Another box.

I got to try to relax. Perhaps I can

drown out their childish games with a

little TV.

It is here that the boxes reach their

final stage of assembly.

>> The equation is illustrated here by this

box.

>> I couldn't afford a present this year,

so I got you this box.

>> That's what I got you.

>> Isn't there anything on that isn't about

boxes?

>> And welcome back to Championship Boxing.

>> I guess this is okay. I mean, it's not

really about boxes.

I give up.

>> 3 2 1 blast off.

>> How are they doing that?

>> Throttling down.

>> That was the most realistic space launch

I've ever heard. There must be an

explanation. Thanks, Squidward.

Squidward's

such a jerk.

>> Laugh at me, will they? All right. Where

is it?

>> Here I am.

>> Where's what, Squidward?

>> Doubt. Where's what, Squidward? Me.

Where's the tape recorder?

>> We don't have a tape recorder,

Squidward.

>> Doubt. We don't have a tape recorder,

Squidward. Me.

>> But we don't.

>> We have a tape recorder box.

>> All right, make what you do. I'm coming

in.

>> Welcome aboard, Squidward. You've just

set sail on the SS Imagination,

where our only destination is Fantastic

Adventure. Where do you want to go

first?

>> No, no, don't mind me. I'm just here to

observe.

>> But Squidward, don't you see waving and

watching? That's not what the box is

about. It's about imagination.

>> All right, fine. Take me to Robot Pirate

Island. I want to arm wrestle with

cowboys on the moon. Just do it so I can

get back and watch TV.

>> Okay, Squidward. Robot Pirate Island it

is.

>> Beep.

>> Ahoy, matey. Beep beep.

>> For that, you'll walk the plank.

>> You fire it.

>> Why won't this thing turn on?

>> All right, fine. If you don't want to

show me, I don't care. I've got better

things to do than paste the floor

wondering how you two work this thing.

How do those two work that thing?

There's got to be a secret button or a

switch or something. I mean, listen to

that.

Now that sounds like robot pirate

island. Think, Squidward. Think. I got

it. When those two go to bed, I'll sneak

in there and find that button. I'll wait

all night if I have to.

I need sleep to refuel my imagination

tanks. I still can't believe those

pirates beat all those robots.

>> Did see you in the morning.

>> Good night, Patrick.

Hello. What's this? This plaque is to

commemorate the brave pirates who gave

their lives to keep this box safe from

the robot menace. Lest we forget.

Find that button quick. It's got to be

around here somewhere. I don't see

anything. It's just an empty box.

Maybe it really was their imagination.

Get it together, Squidward. What are you

saying? I mean, do I really believe that

if I sit here and pretend to drive a

race car that I'm suddenly going to

start hearing noises?

What the

It actually works. I can't believe it.

Oh boy, this beats TV by a long shot.

Woohoo!

This is the most fun I've ever had.

>> Listen to that, Gary. Squidward finally

made the box work after all.

Key Vocabulary

Vocabulary	Meanings
insanity /ɪnˈsænɪti/ B2	noun - the state of being extremely foolish or irrational
refill /riˈfɪl/ A2	verb - to fill something again after it has been used
cheeky /ˈtʃiːki/ B1	adjective - playfully rude or impertinent
destroy /dɪˈstrɔɪ/ A2	verb - to damage something so badly that it no longer exists or cannot be repaired
beautiful /ˈbjuːtɪfəl/ A1	adjective - pleasing the senses or mind aesthetically
mustard /ˈmʌstərd/ A1	noun - a condiment made from the seeds of a mustard plant
trapped /træpt/ A2	adjective - caught in a situation from which it is difficult to escape
crappy /ˈkræpi/ B1	adjective - of very poor quality
escalator /ˈɛskəleɪtər/ B1	noun - a moving staircase
treasure /ˈtrɛʒər/ A2	noun - a valuable or precious possession
clarinet /ˈklærɪnɛt/ B1	noun - a woodwind musical instrument with a single reed
symphony /ˈsɪmfəni/ B2	noun - a long piece of music for orchestra
initiation /ɪˌnɪʃiˈeɪʃən/ B2	noun - the process of admitting someone into a group
misery /ˈmɪzəri/ B1	noun - a state of great unhappiness or discomfort
imagination /ɪˌmædʒɪˈneɪʃən/ B1	noun - the ability to form mental images or concepts of things not present

Key Grammar Structures

• Just go with it, Squitty.

  ➔ Imperative Mood

  ➔ The sentence uses the imperative mood, expressing a direct command or instruction. The verb "go" is used in its base form to tell Squitty to "go with it". This is a common way to give instructions or suggestions in a concise manner.

• What are you doing here?

  ➔ Present Continuous Tense for an Action in Progress

  ➔ This is a question using the present continuous tense. The structure "are you doing" indicates an action that is happening at the moment of speaking. It emphasizes the immediate and ongoing nature of Patrick's presence.

• Remember, Squiddy, just go with it.

  ➔ Imperative Mood; Reminder Clause

  ➔ The sentence combines an imperative ("go with it") with a reminder ("Remember, Squiddy,"). The "Remember" clause functions as an introductory element to reinforce the directive.

• We should have used glue instead of ear wax.

  ➔ Modal Perfect: should have + past participle

  ➔ "Should have used" indicates a past action that would have been better or wiser to do. It expresses regret or a missed opportunity. The "instead of ear wax" specifies the alternative action that would have been preferable.

• This map doesn't show us where the mustard vein is located.

  ➔ Indirect Question; Passive Voice (is located)

  ➔ The sentence includes an indirect question ("where the mustard vein is located"), functioning as the object of the verb "show". "Is located" is in the passive voice, indicating the subject (mustard vein) is acted upon.

• We'll mosy along this time.

  ➔ Future Tense with 'will' (contracted)

  ➔ The sentence uses the contracted form "We'll" which is a contraction of "We will". 'Will' indicates a future action or intention. "Mosy along" is a phrasal verb meaning to move or proceed slowly and casually.