– English Lyrics

Lyrics & Translation

[English]

- Have you ever encountered somebody whose behavior

genuinely baffled you like they were beyond reason?

Maybe this is somebody that you've had to interact

with regularly.

Maybe it's somebody that you live with,

maybe it's somebody you're very close with

or were very close with.

If you ever said to yourself, 90%

of people would not act this way,

then there's a very good chance that you are dealing

with an HCP,

otherwise known as a hot, a hot person, a hot cucumber.

Ped HCP stands for high conflict personalities

and high conflict personalities are a category of people

that can very easily destroy your entire life.

The term HCP comes from the book called Five Types

of People Who Can Ruin Your Life By Billy Eddie.

This guy argues that 10%

of people in the world are a high conflict personality,

which means that 10%

of you watching this are probably a high

conflict personality.

And since this is a self-improvement video on YouTube,

it's probably more like 20% of you

because we're all narcissists.

So how do you know if somebody in your life

or you yourself is an HCP?

Well, the funny thing is if you're an HCP, you will say,

doesn't sound like me because that's what HCPs do.

But if you want to amateurly diagnose somebody in your own

life with h CCP net, then here are the four traits

that HCPs exhibit number one, all or nothing thinking.

HCPs believe that you're either their best friend

or their mortal enemy.

A situation is either catastrophic, it's the worst thing

that's ever happened to them.

The world is ending or it's the greatest thing ever.

Time to celebrate pop the champagne.

The second trait that HCPs exhibit are unmanaged

and intense emotions that hijack reasoning.

Basically, they get so emotional

that they can't think straight, and this happens often.

The third trait that HCPs exhibit are extreme behavior.

They take actions

and do certain things

that most people wouldn't even think to do.

Lawsuits, stalking, smear campaigns, when you are the target

of blame of an HCP, they will stop at nothing

to ruin your life.

And the fourth trait that HCPs exhibit is

that they have a permanent target of blame.

If you find yourself arguing

or fighting with an HCP, the argument might end,

but them hating you

or trying to ruin your life does not end.

It never ends because they've locked their aggression onto

you like a death mosquito in Heim, they just don't go away.

Bill Eddie claims that there are five different categories

of HCPs.

Number one is narcissistic.

The narcissistic HCPs, primal fear is being disrespected.

Narcissists demand respect. They demand attention.

Everything is about them. The world revolves around them.

Narcissists tend to knock people down in order

to lift themselves up.

I personally have had a lot of experience

with a narcissistic HCP about over a decade ago.

He would constantly tell super interesting stories

and hold just fantastic eye contact with you.

He would tell me one day he was in the military

and he was like the best sniper on the on the

spec ops or whatever.

I'd be like, oh wow, that's really interesting.

And then I would hear him tell the same story

to somebody else like a week later.

And he was a medic apparently in the military

and he was like the best medic

and he saved like 10 people from something like it was just

always the most ridiculous tales and he was dead serious.

If you were ever to call him on his bullshit,

he would not be able to take it lightly.

He would remember that

and find a way to undermine you, make fun of you,

or talk shit about you.

When you're not there, you would become his target of blame.

That's what a narcissist looks like

and they can very easily ruin your life.

The second type of HCP is borderline HCPs.

For borderline HCPs. Their primal fear is abandonment.

They're the type of people who will make you feel like the

most special person in the world like you are their world.

They will shower you with love and it's intoxicating.

It's, it's better than anything you've ever experienced

before, but if you cancel plans on them, the fires

of hell will rain down upon you.

A typical borderline HCP scenario might look like your buddy

goes away on a weekend trip to Cancun

and meets the love of his life.

It's so unbelievable. You know, he gets swept off his feet.

He cannot believe this person and for about one

or two months, it is the greatest thing ever.

He doesn't stop talking about Tina.

Fast forward one year

and your buddy had to file a restraining order on Tina

because he hesitated on which ice cream flavor she

liked and he didn't remember.

For 90% of people this would not be a problem,

but for a borderline HCP, it's the end of the world.

The third type of person

who can ruin your life is probably the scariest one.

They're the ones who have the most movies made about them

and we'll talk about it after today's video

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Okay, so the third type of person

who can ruin your life is an anti-social HCP,

otherwise known as a sociopathic.

Hcp sociopathic slash antisocial HCPs tend

to lack any sense of remorse.

So a typical scenario

with an antisocial h CCP is you meet this guy named Greg,

and Greg lets you know about this new crypto scheme.

He will give you 200% returns next week if you

give him $2,000.

Greg is an extremely charming guy.

It seems too good to be true,

but there's just something about Greg.

He's got those Ted Bundy eyes,

those Zach Efron ocular spheres, and he looks into your soul

and you just trust Greg.

So you give him $2,000 and you never see him again.

Later on you Google him

and apparently he has a rap sheet, this laundry list

of court cases that he was a part of

and that's just the way Greg rolls.

He's got a history of fraud.

This is the typical antisocial slash sociopathic hcp.

They don't care if you get screwed over and lose your money

because it's about how they can get ahead.

The fourth type of person

who can ruin your life is the paranoid HCP paranoid HCPs

are compulsively conspiratorial.

Their primal fear is betrayal.

They're always scheming suspicious of people.

You might have encountered a paranoid HCP at your workplace.

They think that somebody in the company is talking shit

about them behind their back constantly,

even though it's unfounded.

They start to develop this conspiracy in their head

that people want them fired.

People stole their lunch

and a lot of the time paranoid HCPs are extremely good at

roping you into their little conspiracy.

And if you sort of laugh off their conspiracy

or don't play along with it, they will start

to become suspicious of you.

And once again, a common theme with all

of these HCPs is they will have, they have to have a target

of blame someone

or something else is the reason that they feel bad

or they the reason why they feel the way they do, right?

They're not the problem.

A really good example of this is I had this guy living

in my basement.

I had somebody strung up in my basement.

No, but I was renting this house in Surrey BC one time I had

downstairs tenants like they were,

they're sharing the house, they were part

of the downstairs suite and I had the upper floor.

I really feel as if though I did a great job

of not being super noisy.

I'm a very quiet tenant.

But one day

after he had been living there for about, I don't know,

two months, he came up

and he was fuming, like accusing me

of purposely being as loud as I could.

He was so unfathomably unreasonable.

I actually couldn't believe it.

And the things he was saying, the things

that he was blaming me of were incoherent.

And the crazy thing is I didn't know him.

I had never met him before.

I didn't know he was living under there.

I thought it was some other guy,

but apparently he moved out two months ago.

So this guy was just sitting in the basement by himself,

getting worked up, never talking to me,

never introducing himself, never reasoning with me,

and one day he just burst.

And I bet for those that two month period, I was the reason

that his life was shit makes me think

that he was at least one of these HCPs.

The fifth and final type of person

who can ruin your life is the histrionic HCP.

Their primal fear is being ignored.

So basically histrionic HCPs are just extremely emotional.

They just lean heavily into the drama.

They will laugh, boisterously

and cry horrendously when anything goes wrong.

You know, they might trip over something and

and create this big display.

They get attention from some people.

But if you know the act, you know

that they are just looking for attention.

They need people to pay attention to them, to care for them

by any means necessary.

They tend to tell sensational stories

that just get more ramped up

and more ridiculous every time they tell it.

I feel like these are the types of people

that you see in those like Walmart freakout videos, racist

fighter, racist, absolute giga, Karens,

I feel like those types of people have a pretty good chance

of being histrionic HCPs.

And once again, you might not think that's so bad,

but all these HCPs tend to have a target of blame, right?

So if you fall into the crosshairs of a histrionic HCP,

they will tell everybody they know how awful you are,

how you are the devil incarnate.

And then when you confront them about it,

they will blame you and gaslight you

and pretend that they're victimized

or that they like are having a heart

attack or something like that.

They need to go to the hospital.

You're making me so stressed with all these accusations.

That is a histrionic HCP, it just reminds me

of like cats on catnip.

You have two types of cats, right?

When some cats, when they have catnip,

they get all drugged out.

It's like a downer for them. And then other cats go crazy.

It's like meth. They start running up the curtains,

attacking each other, making weird noises.

It's the latter group of cats that remind me

of histrionic HCPs.

Hi Joey from the future here.

Just a quick note on high conflict personalities.

If you suspect that you are one, you're probably not.

One of the key traits of HCPs is they tend

to lack self-awareness.

So if you are worried that you might be an HCP,

it makes it a lot less likely that you actually are one.

And it also doesn't make you automatically evil.

I think it would be a strange moral position

to hold if you believe that 10%

of the world's population were irredeemable

and inherently evil.

That being said, the effect that the people

who fall into these categories have on others,

especially people who are close to them,

is objectively devastating a lot of the time.

If you have a high conflict personality in your life,

I don't wanna just say, oh yeah, there's no problem here.

It's mean to put somebody in a category.

Some people genuinely are disordered.

Some people do need to fix their shit

and only they can do it.

So if you're caught in the crossfire of these people,

you do need to be equipped with the tools to know

what you're dealing with and how to deal with it.

So if you're not 100% sure if the person that you're dealing

with is a high conflict personality,

there are two main tools you can use

to quickly suss them out.

Number one is the 90% rule is simply asking yourself,

would 90% of people behave this way?

If the answer is no, definitely not,

then there's a good chance that you're dealing with an HCP.

The other method mentioned in the book is the web method,

words, emotions, and behavior.

So are there words rife with blames and threats

and emotions with their emotions?

Are they speaking an emotionally charged

language all the time?

That seems to be 100% disconnected from any form of logic?

And how are you responding to these people?

Do you find yourself being either too high or too low?

Do you find yourself being anxious around them?

Listen to that. That is trying to tell you something.

In my own experience, a lot of high conflict personalities

that I've had to interact with

or have some sort of a relationship

with make me feel uneasy.

It's like they don't pass the vibe check.

I can't necessarily pick up on any particular thing they're

doing wrong all the time.

They make me feel off. That's important to pay attention to.

And then finally, B is behavior. So check their behavior.

Can you notice a pattern of extremes?

Sometimes people have a bad day, sometimes people do things

that are extremely uncalled for.

I'm definitely not exonerated from this.

I definitely went to an extreme to like get back at somebody

and it turned out to be the most embarrassing

unjustified thing.

If your name is Adam

and you're watching this video, you know

exactly what I'm talking about.

But that's why we're talking about patterns, right?

If you notice somebody do extreme things,

take extreme actions against somebody and it's a pattern.

Take note. Okay, so now that we have a better idea of

what an HCP is, how do we make sure

that high conflict personalities don't ruin your life?

And if they currently are tending

to ruin your life more often than you would like,

that are giving you a very hard time than I feel

for you Most of the time you don't need to do much

to irk an CP.

You can send a pretty benign email

or text that sets them off

and you didn't really do anything wrong,

but they make you feel like you did something very wrong

or making you second guess yourself

and ask yourself, am I the idiot here?

Like, am I just a bad person? You're probably not okay.

If you did something pretty normal and pretty levelheaded

and you're made to feel like you're a bad person,

you're probably not a bad person.

You've probably been gaslit.

So there's a method of communication you can employ

to make sure that your responses

and the things you say, whether that's through writing

or in person, are neutered of fuel so

that you're not really giving the HCP anything

to get revved up about.

The whole goal here is deescalation.

The book talks about using the Biff method, which stands

for brief, informative, friendly,

and firm, which basically is exactly what it sounds like.

Don't get involved with them.

Really just address the key information that's trying

to be portrayed by the HCP

and address the actual information there.

Just deescalate.

So for instance, if you work with a paranoid HCP named Jacob

and he thinks that Janice is poisoning his lunch,

the last thing you want to tell Jacob is that he's crazy

because that automatically makes you a target of blame.

What you need to do is neither agree

nor disagree with their delusions.

You gotta say vague n pclike statements, like

that's really interesting.

What makes you think that Janice is doing that?

Okay, alright, well I'll keep an eye on it

and then try to back away from the

conversation and do something else.

Reading this book was kind of a breath of fresh air for me

because just kind of confirms my preconceived

notion that I've always held.

Some people are extremely unreasonable

and that's totally just on them and it's okay.

You can kind of just watch it happen

and hope that person gets the help they need.

Let me know what you guys think of this video

and if you guys wanna check out the book,

I'll link it in the description below

and I'd love to hear your stories.

You can, you can vent in the comment section below.

Let me know of somebody

who you might suspect is a high conflict personality

or somebody that you have had experience with in the past

and what did you do about it?

- Literally standards and like ways that I conduct myself.

So if you as a man

who is worth $50 million generating millions of dollars,

a lot of them are worth hundreds of millions of dollars

because of their businesses, and I get

everything that I want.

Thank everyone.

Key Vocabulary

Vocabulary	Meanings
encounter /ɪnˈkaʊntər/ B2	verb - to meet someone or something unexpectedly
behavior /bɪˈheɪvjər/ B1	noun - the way someone acts
genuinely /ˈdʒenjuɪnli/ B2	adverb - in a sincere way
baffled /bəˈfl̩d/ B2	adjective - completely confused
reason /ˈriːzən/ A2	noun - the ability to think about things in a logical way
interact /ˌɪntəˈrækt/ B1	verb - to communicate with someone
regularly /ˈregjʊləli/ A2	adverb - often
act /ækt/ A1	verb - to do something
chance /tʃɑːns/ A2	noun - a possibility
dealing /ˈdiːlɪŋ/ B1	verb - handling a difficult situation
personality /ˌpɜːrsəˈnæləti/ B2	noun - the qualities that make a person unique
category /ˈkætɪɡəri/ B1	noun - a group of things with similar characteristics
destroy /dɪˈstrɔɪ/ B2	verb - to ruin something completely
narcissist /nɑːrˈsɪsɪst/ C1	noun - a person who is excessively self-absorbed
diagnose /daɪˈɡnoʊz/ B2	verb - to identify the nature of a problem
traits /treɪts/ B1	noun - qualities or characteristics
exhibit /ɪɡˈzɪbɪt/ B2	verb - to show or display
catastrophic /ˌkætəˈstrɒfɪk/ C1	adjective - causing great damage or suffering
emotions /ɪˈmoʊʃənz/ B1	noun - strong feelings
hijack /ˈhaɪdʒæk/ B2	verb - to take control of something by force