– English Lyrics

Lyrics & Translation

[English]

Monica,

what time is it? Uh, 9.

But it's dark out. Um, well, that's

because you always sleep till noon,

silly.

This is what nine looks like.

I guess I'll get washed up then.

Watch that sunrise.

I'm really getting tired of sneaking

around all the time. I know. Me, too.

You know. Hey, you know what? What if we

went away for the whole weekend? You

know, we'd have no interruptions and we

could be naked the entire time. All

weekend. That's a whole lot of naked.

Yeah. I could say that I have a

conference and you can say you have a

chef thing. Oh, I've always wanted to go

to this culinary fair that they have in

Jersey. Okay, you know you're not. Don't

worry.

Let's go. Okay. Wait, what about

[Music]

Joey? Damn Rolos.

Hey, you're back. Hey, how was your

conference? It was terrible. I fought

with my colleagues, you know, the entire

time. Are you kidding with this?

Uh, so your weekend was a total bust.

Uh, no. I got to see Donald Trump

waiting for an

elevator.

Hey. Hey, Mr. Bing. That uh hotel you

stayed at called

said someone left an eyelash curler in

your room.

Yes, that was mine.

Cuz I figured you hooked up with some

girl and she left it there. Yes, that

would have made more

sense. You know, I I don't even feel

like I know you anymore, man. All right.

Look, I'm just going to ask you this one

time. All right, and whatever you say,

I'll believe

you. Were you or were you not on a gay

cruise?

Hey. Hey. Hey. Oh, hey, Monica. I heard

you saw Donald Trump at your convention.

Yeah. So, I'm waiting for an elevator.

Hey, Ra. Can I borrow your eyelash

curler? I think I lost mine. Yeah.

[Applause]

Can I talk to you for a second?

[Music]

Yes.

Yes. You and and you.

Yes. But you cannot tell anyone. No one

knows. How? When?

It happened in London. In London?

The reason we didn't tell anyone was

because we didn't want to make a big

deal out of it. But it is a big deal. I

have to tell someone.

You can't. Please. Please. We just don't

want to deal with telling everyone.

Okay. Just promise you won't tell.

All

right. Man, this is

unbelievable. I mean, it's great, but

I know it's great.

Oh, I don't want to see that.

You guys are so cute. I know.

All right. I'll see you in the morning.

Okay. Okay.

[Music]

You know, I love doing crossword puzzles

with you, honey. Oh, me too. Now, let's

finish this and go to bed. Okay. There's

only one left. threeletter word. Not

dog, but

cat.

Yes. You are so smart.

I love you. I love you, too.

Pass the cheese, please.

My god, you can't even look at me, can

you? Nope.

Hey, it's Phoei. We can talk to Phoebe.

No, I'm I'm too depressed to talk. I'll

give you $1,000 to talk to us.

Hey, you guys. What do you What do you

think about making that beach trip an

annual thing? No.

All right, that's it. You guys, what

happened out there? What? We took a

walk. Nothing happened. I came back, but

nothing all over me.

Come on. What happened, Joey?

All right. No, Joey. We swore we'd never

tell. They'll never understand.

We have to say something. We have to get

it out. It's eating me alive.

Monica got stung by a jellyfish. All

right. All right.

I got

stung. Stung

bad. I couldn't stand. I I couldn't

walk. We were two miles from the

house. We were scared and

alone. We didn't think we could make

it. I was in too much pain. And I was

tired from digging the huge hole.

[Applause]

And then Joey remembered

something. I'd seen this thing on the

Discovery Channel. Wait a minute. I saw

that on the Discovery Channel. Yeah.

About jellyfish and how if

you

either I thought I was going to pass out

from the pain. Anyway, I I tried, but I

I couldn't been that way.

So

[Applause]

that's right. I stepped up.

She's my friend and she needed

help. If I had to, I'd pee on any one of

you.

only uh I

couldn't. I got the stage fright.

I wanted to help, but there was just too

much pressure. So So I uh I turned to

Chandler.

Joy kept screaming at me, "Do it now. Do

it. Do it. Do it now."

Sometimes late at night, I can still

hear the screaming.

That's cuz sometimes I just do it

through my wall to freak you out.

What? I just realized why I remember

this place. Really? What is it? Oh, it's

nothing. I went on a date with a guy who

lived in this building and it didn't end

very well. That wouldn't by any chance

be Joey Tribani. Yes, of course it was.

Yeah, we had a really great night and in

the morning he promised he would call me

and he didn't. Rat bastard.

So, you're not friends with him? Oh,

god. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

Nope. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No.

Well, I'm sorry I brought it up. So, are

either one of you planning on staying at

home?

Hello. Anybody in there? Order a

celebrity.

What was that? Oh, that's just some

crazy guy who roams the halls here.

Hi again.

Hey.

Hey. Thank you so much. Oh, don't thank

me. Thank the jerk that never showed up.

Okay, I got to get to work.

You want some help with that? Oh, no

thanks. I got it. Oh, no I don't.

Whoa. You okay?

Yeahoo. Stood up too fast. Got a little

head rush.

The heat

and and the humidity.

That's a uh that's a tough combination.

[Music]

She's asleep. That means we can uh Yes,

but we have to be fast. Oh, okay. I'll

try. And you can't make any noise. Okay,

I'll try.

[Music]

Hello, Emma.

Hey.

Hi. How are you? How are you? Where are

your babysitters?

Huh? Why is the bedroom door closed?

You can't have sex when you're taking

care of a bie.

Well, that was weird. You were loud and

I was fast.

I think you may have really done it this

time. Oh, why should I have to wage to

take a pregnancy test? May I want to get

some more of those, too?

Where's Emma? Oh my god. Where's Emma?

Where's Emma? Don't ask me. I was in

there canoodling you.

Okay. Okay. I'm sure that Rachel came

home early and picked up Emma. You go

look across the hall and and I'll call

herself. Okay. Hey, you better hope that

we're pregnant because one way or

another, we're giving a baby back to

Rachel. Hey, Monica. We got a question.

All right. For the zillionth time, yes,

I see other women in the shower at the

gym. And no, I don't look.

No, not that one. We're trying to figure

out who to bring to the Knicks game

tonight. We have an extra ticket. Yeah.

Ross can't go. So, it's between my

friend Eric Prower, who has breath

issues. Dan with the poking. Did you see

that play? Do you want some more beer?

Is that Spike Lee? Okay.

Hey, why don't you ask Richard?

Okay. Uh, hey Richard, if you had an

extra ticket to the Knicks

game and you had to choose between a

friend who smelled and one who bruises

you, who would you pick? Wow. Well,

being a huge Knicks fan myself, I think

you should take someone who's a huge

Knicks fan.

Okay, that's Eric.

Glad to be of help. Matches.

I meant why don't you take Richard to

the game?

What?

I don't know. Come on. He keeps his

fingers to himself and he's always minty

fresh.

Rich's really nice and everything. Uh

it's just that we don't know him really

well, you know. And plus he's, you know,

older than some

people, but uh younger than some

buildings. You look cute in bubbles.

Nah, you're just all liquored up.

Hey, it's me coming in.

I've had a very long hard day.

Uh, I'm going to go get some chicken.

You want some? Uh, no thanks. No

chicken. Bye-bye then.

You sure? Some extra crispy dirty rice

beans for the last time. No. Get out.

Get out, Joey. All right.

Are you okay? I'm so sorry. He wouldn't

leave. He kept asking me if I wanted

chicken.

Chicken?

I could eat some chicken.

Hey, Joe.

Yeah. Could I get a threepiece, some

colelaw, and some beans, and a Coke?

Diet Coke.

I don't want to hang out with you guys

two nights in a row. I'm so

sorry. Wh Why does she not want to hang

out with us?

Because she uh she she thinks that you

are

blah and and that uh you, Monica, are uh

too loud. What?

What?

So, she was just pretending to have a

good time last night. She was lying to

our faces. I can't believe this. I mean,

who is she to judge us? We could not

have been nicer to her. And I am not

blah. I am a hoot.

No. Come on. Please. Please. You guys

don't don't be mad. I'm sure she just

she just said that stuff because she was

nervous cuz you guys are like my best

friends, you know, and it was our first

date. Plus, she's really sick.

No, you she No, you said you made that

up. I know. But don't you think the sick

thing is way better than the play thing?

They're both good. I generally just go

with Monica's drunk again.

Come on, you guys. Come on. Please.

Please just give her another chance.

Huh? She'll come around. I promise. Of

course we will. Come on. We got to make

dinner. Okay.

I do not like that woman. I can hear

you.

I'm old.

What's wrong? I am so much older than

these other interns and I can't I can't

compete with them. But I saw you were a

little older. Try to look at the

positive. You have all this life

experience. Yes, but I don't think life

experience is going to help me with

these.

Wow. It's like they're on fire.

What are they? They're these prototype

sneakers and I have to come up with

ideas on how to sell them, which I can't

do because no self-respecting adult

would ever wear these. I'll give you

$500 for them.

What am I supposed to do with these?

Come on. Sneakers are easy. You wear

sneakers all the time. Well, first of

all, they're not called sneakers

anymore. Apparently, they're called

kicks or skids. And I think I heard

somebody say

slurps. Here, look. They got these

wheels that pop out from the bottom so

you can roll around because apparently

walking is too much

exercise. Kids, kids, roll your way to

childhood

obesity. Would you help me try to sell

these? Okay. Have you considered using a

girl with huge knockers?

I don't think that's the kind of thing

they're looking for. Hey, that' work on

me.

Why do you think I'd buy Mrs.

Butterwarts? What is that? A blanket? A

video camera. Oh my god.

I can't believe you thought that you're

gonna videotape us having sex on the

first date.

Joey is what she just said.

Um Oh my god. God, look. You are

actually going to

What is going on here?

And with Chandler in the next room. What

are you What are you sick?

I'm

Joey. I'm disgusting.

I make low-budget adult films.

You guys promised you'd be more careful.

I mean, come on. The good Joey name is

being dragged through the mud here.

We're so sorry. Yeah. Well, I'm telling

everyone about you. That's the only way

to explain the underwear and the video

camera. That doesn't make me look like a

pig. I don't know. All right. There's

got to be a better explanation. And you

could tell them that you had to make an

adult film for your adult film

class. Yeah, I like that. But no, no.

How does that explain why Rachel found

my underwear at your place?

I don't know. Well, get ready to come

out of the non-gay closet.

Hi. Hi.

[Music]

is that which one of you lucky boys is

Chandler? Uh, that that's me.

That's me.

Joey Triani. Big fan.

So, is that a bedroom? Yeah. Yeah. Right

over there. All right. Whenever you're

ready.

That was weird.

Why Why would she go in the bedroom? I'm

waiting.

So, she's a Yep. That's one naked

hooker.

So, tonight's the night of the big

bachelor party. Yeah. Hey, thanks for

giving me that girl's number. No

problem. Say, who's the party for? For

my husband. You hired your husband a

hooker?

She's a stripper. No, she's a hooker.

Is Is that what they call strippers

sometimes? When they're hookers.

Oh my god, Ste. I I can't believe you

did this. Now you're absolutely sure

she's a hooker. It's either that or

she's just the best, most expensive date

I ever had.

All right. All right. Maybe maybe you

should just ask her to leave. Why me?

Hey, it's your bachelor party, which is

why you should do it. I don't want to.

You do it. You do it. You do it. All

right. Rock, paper, scissors. Who has to

tell the to leave?

What?

I miss this. I don't think we've

actually done this before.

No. I I miss hanging out with you. Well,

we we still hang out. Yeah. Not like we

used to. Remember? You and me used to be

inseparable. No. Now it's

like things are different. Well, you

know, things are different. I'm I'm

married now. Yeah, sure. And hey, don't

get me wrong. I am so happy for you

guys. But I just I miss hanging out just

just us, you know.

Yeah, I miss that, too. I'll tell you

what. From now on, we'll make time to

hang out with each other. You got it.

Come here.

Oh god. Listen, I am this close to

robbing you guys.

She's a hooker. She's a hooker. She's a

Hi. We spoke on the phone. So, what do

you think? I think it's the most

beautiful table I've ever seen. I know.

So, how does this work? Going to balance

the plates on these little guys heads?

Who cares? We'll eat at the sink. Come

on.

[Applause]

Heads up, Ross. Score. You suck.

Change in my room. My clothes are

Oh.

[Music]

Wow. You look No time for that.

Hey, dude. Let me in. I got a girl out

here.

Well, I've got a girl in here.

No, you don't. I just saw you go in

there with Monica.

Well, we're we're hanging out in

here. Which one of us is going to be

having sex in there? Me or you?

Well, I suppose I would have to say you.

What if we're watching a movie in here?

Which we are, and we already paid for

it. It's My Giant.

My Giant. I love that movie. Hey. Hey.

Oh, where is he? Where's Richard? Did

you ditch him? Yeah, right after we

stole his lunch money and gave him a

wedgie.

What's the matter with you? He's parking

the car. Don't you guys have fun? Your

boyfriend is so cool. Really? Yeah. He

let us drive his Jaguar. Joey for 12

blocks, me for 15. Wow.

He must like you the best. Oh, and what

about that thing he did when he tipped

the guy who showed us to our seats? You

never even saw the money. It was like

this. Hey Chandler, thanks for showing

us to our seats.

You're welcome. Hey Joey, thanks for

parking the car. No problem.

Hey Chandler, I think they get it. Okay,

there's the man.

Hey. Hey. You're getting better. I'm

going to keep this. By the way,

he kept my dollar. I'm going to be

moving out, man.

Wow. Well, uh, hey, really happy for you

guys. Congratulations. See you later.

Hey, Joey. Chewy, are you okay? Yeah,

I've got to go. I've got an acting job.

Like, you'd believe that.

This sucks. Look, I'm I'm just going to

be right across the hall, and I promise

you, the minute Monica and I break up,

I'm moving right back in with you.

Okay, look, look, look. Uh, if you're

going to be moving in with him, I feel

that it is my responsibility to tell you

the truth about him, okay? He's a

terrible roommate. Terrible. He uh

forgets to um he always he always

uh Oh, my kidney. He's the best roommate

ever.

Okay. What have we always wanted to do

together? Braid each other's hair and

ride horseback on the beach.

No, no, no. When you get home tomorrow

night, you and I are going to be at the

Wizards Knicks game courtside.

Courtside. Oh my god. Yeah. Maybe

Michael Jordan will dive for the ball

and break my jaw with his knee.

That is so cool. I'll let Monica know.

Hello. Joey just called. He's got

courtside Nicks tickets for him and me

tomorrow night. Really? But tomorrow

night's the only night I get off from

the restaurant. If you go to the game,

then we won't have a night together for

another week. But hey, it's courtside.

The cheerleaders are going to be right

in.

That's not the way to convince you,

Taylor. Look, I don't want to be one of

those wives that says you can't go to

the game. You have to spend time with

me. So, if you could just realize it on

your own.

I I know you're right. I want to see

you,

too. I just got to figure out a way to

tell Joey, you know, he's really looking

forward to this. Tell him that you

haven't seen your wife in a long time.

Tell him that having a long-distance

relationship is really difficult. Tell

him that what little time we have

together is is precious.

I'll think of something.

So, did you uh find anyone to marry you

guys there? No, but Horny Formon Monica

Minister called.

Wanting to know if we were still

together.

We're never going to find anybody. Well,

then let me do it. Joe. No, no, no.

Look, I've been thinking about it. I'm

an actor, right? So, I won't get nervous

talking in front of people. I won't spit

and I won't stare at Monica's

breasts. You know, everyone knows I'm an

assman.

That is true. Yeah. And the most

important thing is it won't be some like

stranger up there who barely knows you.

It'll be me and I swear I'll do a really

good job. Plus, you know, I love you

guys and and it would really mean a lot

to me.

Might be kind of cool. So, I can do it?

Yeah, you can do it. All right.

Oh, really? Okay. Okay. I got to get

started on my speech. Oh, wait a minute.

Internet ministers can still have sex,

right? I can take it from here. Thanks.

Dearly

beloved, I'm sorry I'm a little

late. May be confused by this now, but

you won't be Memorial Day weekend 2002.

Well, let's get started before the groom

takes off again.

Huh? We are gathered here

today to join this

man and this woman in the bonds of holy

matrimony.

I've known Monica and Chandler for a

long time, and I cannot imagine two

people more perfect for each

other. And

now, as I've left my notes in my

dressing

room, we shall proceed to the vows.

Monica,

he took off. Go on. Go on.

Chandler. For so long, I I wondered if I

would ever find my

prince, my

soulmate. Then three years ago, at

another wedding, I turned to a friend

for

comfort. And instead, I found everything

that I'd ever been looking for my whole

life.

And

now here we

are with our future before

us. And I only want to spend it with

you, my

prince, my

soulmate, my

friend. Unless you don't want to.

You go,

Chandler. It's

okay. Monica, I thought this was going

to be the most difficult thing I ever

had to

do. But when I saw you walking down that

aisle, I realized how simple it

was. I love you.

Any surprises that come our way, it's

okay because I will always love

you. You are the person I was meant to

spend the rest of my life

with. You want to know if I'm

sure? You may now kiss the bride.

So, I guess by the powers vested in me

by the state of New York and the

internet

guys, I now pronounce you husband and

wife. Oh,

wait. Do you take each other? I do. I

do. Yeah, you

do. Brings. Oh, crap. Okay.

Um, let's do the rings.

We good? Yeah. Good.

Once again, I pronounce you husband and

wife. Now kiss her again.

the street, the trees, and the big front

yards, the actual picket fences. Man,

those two dogs are going at it.

Hey, hey, where you been? Oh, just uh,

you know, looking around. But you know

what? This house is great. Really? What

changed your mind? Oh, well, the little

girl who lives here made me feel a lot

better about the whole thing. Joey,

there was a little girl who lived here,

but she died like 30 years ago.

What? I'm just messing with you.

That's not funny. You know, I'm afraid

of little girl ghosts.

Joey, now that you're okay with the

house, do you want to go see your room?

What? I get my own room.

You don't think we'd buy a house and not

have a Joey room, do you?

Oh my god.

[Music]

Oh, can I have an aquarium and a sex

swing?

No. Why not? I'll keep the tank clean.

[Music]