– English Lyrics

Lyrics & Translation

[English]

actually I'm not buying I'm selling let

me ask you one question do your friends

ever have a conversation and you just

nod along even though you're not really

sure what they're talking

[Music]

about I'm telling you it's totally

unconstitutional totally

is I think he deserves a Nobel Prize no

I mean it was like the AL gunin kids

table excuse me I'm sorry you haven't

said anything for about 2 and A2 minutes

are you at all interested Yeah well yeah

yeah Jo

peponi oh still too ethnic my agent

thinks I should have a name that's more

neutral Joey

Switzerland plus you know I think it

should be Joe you know Joey makes me

sound like I'm know this big which I'm

not Joe Joe Joe

Stalin

Stalin Stalin do I know that name that

sounds familiar well it does not ring a

bell with me

H Joe

Stone you know that's pretty good

you might want to try

[Applause]

Joseph Joseph

Stalin I think you'd remember that oh

yes bye-bye birdie starring Joseph

Stalin Joseph Stalin is the Fiddler on

the

[Music]

Roof you know there're already is is a

Joseph

[Laughter]

Stalin you're

kidding apparently he was this Russian

dictator who slaughtered all these

people youd think you would have known

that you know you'd think I would

have good

evening I am Mr tribiani

and I will be teaching acting for soap

operas now um on my first day as Dr

Drake rore on Days of Our

Lives uh I learned that one of the most

important things in soap opera acting is

reacting this does not mean acting

again it means you don't have a line but

someone else just did and it goes

something like this

thanks thanks thanks a lot oh by the way

before I forget to work in soap operas

some of you are going to have to become

much more

attractive all right moving right

along some tricks of the trade now I've

never been able to cry as an actor so if

I'm in a scene where I have to cry I cut

a hole in my pocket take a pair of

tweezers and just start

pulling okay or uh or let's say I want

to convey that I've uh just done

something evil well that would be your

basic I've got a fish hook in my eyebrow

and I like

it okay let's say I've just gotten bad

news well all I do there is try and

divide 232 by 13

[Applause]

hey everybody Happy Thanksgiving hey

Happy Thanksgiving FEPS hey what's going

on Joe I I I need a good lie oh okay how

about the whole man walking on the moon

thing you

know you can you can see the strings

people no no no no I need a good lie to

explain why I wasn't at a work thing

today oh honey you stink it line well I

do not oh really okay let me ask you

something yesterday at the coffee house

I went to the bathroom and when I came

back my muffin was gone who took

it somebody opened the door to the

coffee house and a raccoon came running

in and went straight through your mouth

and I said hey don't eat that that's

Phoebe's and he

said he said Joey you stink at lion what

am I going to do don't worry don't worry

we'll come up with a good lie I'll help

you practice it oh great that'd be great

thank you sure what what was the work

thing uh pick up Grandma at the airport

oh man what you what you working on oh

Monica Chandler's recommendation I want

it to sound smart but I don't know any

big words or anything so oh why don't

you use your thesaurus what' I just

say

watch here you uh you highlight the word

you want to change uh go under Tools and

the thesaurus generates

gives gives a whole list of choices you

can pick the word that sounds smartest

oh my God that's great I'm smart no no

I'm brainy bright clever I love this

thing look out ladies Joey trian's got

the whole

[Music]

package

hello hello

bab Joey what's going

on oh my God I know it's

stuck step how did he get on I put it on

to scare

Chandler oh my God Monica's going to

totally freak out well then help me get

it off plus it smells really bad in here

of course it smells really bad you have

your head up a dead

animal oh

[Laughter]

Monica did you get the turkey oh my God

oh my

God who is that it's

Joey what what are you doing and is this

supposed to be funny no it's not

supposed to be funny it's supposed to be

scary get her off now I can't it's stuck

I don't care that that turkey has to

feed 20 people at my parents house and

they're not going to eat it off your

head hold on okay let's just all

think okay I got it D all right you pull

I'm going to spread the legs as wide as

I

can Joey now it's not the time sorry

right s okay count to three one one two

three it worked I scared you I knew

it I'm over here big guy yeah you or you

could just you

[Laughter]

know what the hell are you

doing what the hell am I doing he just

broke my fridge

what what how do you know if how do you

know it's even Broken Oh you think I

don't know what breaks my

fridge excuse

me well what do you know

broken that'll be

$400 Joey I saw you push

him you push

them Joey I did not break this so okay

that has been broken for a

while Chan remember I told you about our

fridge uh-huh I still haven't gotten the

check for your half

yet do not give him any money I'm not

talking to you you broke my

fridge okay all right uh well let's uh

let's try one whenever you guys are

ready uhoh is there a problem well this

is noodle soup and uh I've been working

with tomato

so but it's okay no problem no problem M

noodle soup you know that's that's fine

but the line is M soup oh what' I say m

noodle

soup how's that

different oh

yeah all right let's try

one M noodle soup

okay let's do it again

okay M soup I mean noodle soup I mean

soup come

on you know what we need to move on oh

no I I could do it one more time I see

look M noodle soup damn it

[Music]

man this is weird you ever realize

Captain crunch's eyebrows are actually

on his hat that's what's weird Joey the

man's been captain of a cereal for the

last 40

years oh look what the spoon you licked

and and you

put you licked and you

put yeah so well don't you see how gross

that is I mean that's like you're using

my

toothbrush you use my

toothbrush oh that was only cuz I used

the red one to unclog the

drain mine is the red

one oh God can open worms

everywhere hey why can't we use the same

toothbrush but we can use the same soap

because soap is

soap it's

selfcleaning all right well next time

you take a shower think about the last

thing I wash and the first thing you

watch so I just talked to one of the

duel writers today and what is duel Days

of Our

Lives anyway you're not going to believe

it my character is coming out of his

coma and not only that I'm getting a new

brain so great things are happening at

work and in your personal

life wait what do you mean you're

getting a new brain oh well they're

killing off one of the characters on the

show and when she dies her brain is

being transplanted into my

body what a brain transplant it's

ridiculous well I think it's ridiculous

that you haven't had sex in 3 and a half

months it's winter there are fewer

people on the

street who are they filling off uh

Cecilia Monroe she plays Jessica lockart

no no

she is so good at throwing drinks in

people's faces I mean I don't think I've

ever seen her finish a beverage and the

way she slaps people all the time

wouldn't you love to do that just once

oh do

it and she's been on the show forever

it's going to be really hard to fill her

shoes yeah yeah help me out here when

you when you come out of the brain

[Music]

transplant you are going to be her yes

but in Drake Ra's body

why is this so hard for you to get I

thought you were a

scientist Mel

Claude should call Blue

no okay maybe if we just break it down

okay let's just let's try one syllable

at a time okay so repeat after

me pel pel great okay

faster pel pel

boo it's too hard I can't teach you what

are you doing I I have to go before I

put your head through a wall no no don't

go I need you my addition is tomorrow CH

[Music]

blah it's enough you know it's

nothing okay

so uh I think I'm going to take off yeah

no wait Joey no wait it is it's

something it's it it's um it's my

boss yeah yeah and

um and my

baby

yeah my boss wants to buy my

baby what oh my oh my God I know I told

you it's a really big problem

he wants to buy your baby can you

believe that that's crazy that's what I

told him how did this even happen well

I'll tell

you see uh my my boss and uh and his

wife they they can't have children so um

and then when we were at the Christmas

party and he got drunk and he said to me

Rachel I want to buy your

baby man oh when you said it was a

problem about your boss and the baby I

figured it was something about maternity

leave oh

[Laughter]

yeah yeah that that would have been a

much simpler

problem hey great advice on that Joey

thing yeah the work problem perfect I

mean it really felt like he was my

friend again what problem did you tell

him you have oh that's that's not

important the point is I really I think

everything's going to be

okay may I help you you think you can

just buy my friend's

baby oh sorry did I get

yeah no you didn't get me it's an

electric drill you get me you kill

me calm down do you want this unit or

not I do not want this unit oh you

should have told me that before not a

mine

reader and we're out of beer okay I'm

going to

monikers

fine miss it did I miss it no no I'm on

right after this guy shoots

himself who she's pretty yeah oh and

she's really nice too she taught me all

about you know how to work with the

cameras and smell the fart

acting I'm sorry

what it's like you got so many lines to

learn so fast that sometimes you need a

minute to remember your next one so

while you're thinking of it you take

this big pause where you look all

intense you know like this

okay oh here's my scene here's my

scene Mrs Wallace yes I'm Dr Drake rore

your sister's neurosurgeon and tell me

is she going to be all right I'm afraid

the situation is much more dire than

we'd

expected your sister is suffering from a

a subcranial

hematoma perhaps we can discuss this

further over

[Laughter]

coffee

nice excellent you know for a minute

there I thought you were actually trying

to smell something

um why do you have a copy of The Shining

in your freezer oh I was reading it last

night and I got scared so

but uh you're safe from it if it's in

the freezer well

safer you know I mean I never start

reading The Shining without making sure

we got plenty of room in the freezer you

know how often do you read it haven't

you ever read the same book over and

over again well um I guess I read little

women more than once but I mean That's a

classic what's so great about The

Shining the question should be rage what

is not so great about The

Shining okay and the the answer would be

nothing all right this is like the

scariest book ever I bet it's way better

than that classic of

yours okay uh well we'll just see about

that okay I will read The Shining and

you we'll read Little Women all right

you got it all right okay okay and now

rage these uh these little women

yeah how little are they I mean are they

like scary little

Beth is really really sick

a Joe's there but I don't think there's

anything she could

do Joey yeah you want to put the book in

the

freezer okay

okay I'm going to be moving out so you

are going to be in charge of paying the

rent right and when does that do first

of the month that's every

month no just the months you actually

want to live

here okay here's the phone

bill oh my

God that's our phone

number now look I know I kind of sprung

this whole me moving out on you things

so why don't I just don't I just cover

you for a while no no no way Joey triani

does not take

charity

anymore it's not charity Joe I don't

know forget it okay I mean thanks but

I'm done taking money from you all right

I can take care of myself now what's

next come on okay uh here's the electric

bill this is how much we pay for

electric well

yeah so we'll do the rest of the bills

later then I just all I'm saying is I

don't think that Joey and Charlie have

anything in common I don't know they

seem to have a shared interest in each

other's

tonsil wow Joey and a professor can you

imagine if they had kids and if if the

kids got her intelligence and Joey's raw

sexual magnetism those nerds would get

laid all right so Ross you're okay with

all this I mean yeah it's no big deal I

mean I just met her I'm fine with

it God I forgot how hot she

was I'm going to get some more coffee

hey oh you know I I'll come with you

okay so Professor huh yeah she is cool

and she's so smart her mind is totally

acrimonious guess that's not how she

used it

I feel like I owee you an

explanation I don't ordinarily go around

kissing guys at

parties I'm uh well I'm kind of

embarrassed I really hope you don't

think less of me no think less of you no

I don't think less of you I mean you saw

someone you liked and you kissed them

those people who who like someone and

and don't kiss them those those people

are stupid I hate those

people you know actually I'm a little

surprised at myself I mean Joey is so

different from the guys I usually date I

mean they're all professors

intellectuals paleontologists mostly you

know very cere I know the

type hey if we want to uh grab a bite

before work we better get

acrimonious no am I getting close what

are you working on oh it's a uh it's a

welcome home sign for the baby how sweet

oh is that the baby no I sat in the

paint

hey so did you talk to Rachel no and uh

I'm not going to what why not because

she's just going to shoot me down you

guys saw what happened with Gunther that

did not look like fun how can you

compare yourself to Gunther I mean sure

he's sexy in a more obvious way

but you have a relationship with her you

slept together last night yeah and she

still wants to go it's pretty clear

where she is yeah I know what you mean I

mean something times um Joe damn it man

this is bad and I've had my share of bad

reviews I still remember my first good

one though everything else in this

production of our town was simply

terrible Joey triani was

[Laughter]

abysmal hey oh my God look at all the

newspapers it must be a good review is

it

great um

oh dear God but the good news is no one

in a two block radius will ever

know what about the rest of Manhattan

yeah they all

know oh my God this is horrible I'm so

sorry I'm so humiliated yeah but you

know what they say man there is no such

thing as bad press you don't think that

um the chef's mahi mahi was awful awful

is bad

press I didn't write

it how does he write am I really am I

awful hey hey Monica you listen to me

okay and I'm not just saying this cuz

I'm your friend I'm saying it cuz it's

the truth your food is

abysmal see Joe that's why your parents

told you not to jump on the

bed well if we learn one thing today

cheese it's that cheerleaders and high

explosives don't

mix Going say that again Mac well I

couldn't have done it without you buddy

you're a genius oh yeah well then how

come I can't get my VCR to stop linking

[Laughter]

[Music]

12:00 so what do you guys think

hold on please Joe it's your mom mom

mommy well so what did you

think

well that was um okay it wasn't the best

that was one of the worst things

ever and not just on

TV what are we going to tell him well

the the lighting was okay oh no you

don't you got lighting last time

lighting is mine

I have costumes oh great that means I'm

stuck with so we were watching you in

there and you were sitting right here

whoa what are you going to do phes I

don't know I don't know I can't lie to

him again oh no I'm no I'm just going to

press my breasts up against

him can you say nothing uh-huh yeah

that's

right wow well my folks really liked it

so what did you guys think

it wasn't that good seems like all of a

sudden so much has happening I know Ross

is getting married Phoebe's making

people everybody's doing stuff yeah we

just sit here I mean if I died the only

way people would even know that I was

here would be by the ass print on this

chair look we have to do something okay

something

huge we could climb Mount Everest

no no not something stupid something

huge no no no no no I saw an ad for this

video people climb that thing every day

we could totally do that why not I mean

it's just it's just

climbing it's just it's just steep yeah

we're going to Everest okay it'd be nice

to leave an ass print on

Everest hey hey what what's up we're

going to climb on ever yeah baby really

I looked into that yeah but I mean it

costs like 60 $1,000 and you know you

could die and and you would

die oh

well we could get that Everest video

though yeah we could do that without you

know risking our lives at

all and while we're down at the video

store you know what else we could rent

die

hard but you know what I just remembered

that Everest thing is only available

through mail order oh well so you guys

will stay here and hang out with me

yeah but I'll tell you something one of

these days we're going to get off our

butts and rent die hard again

[Music]

yeah hey hun would you help me get the

plates down yeah hey here's an idea why

don't we use our wedding China today no

I think we should save our China for

something really special like if the

Queen of England comes

over honey she keeps cancelling on us

take the

hint what if something it's broken

they're so expensive what is the point

of having them if we never use

them okay but if something gets broken

and then the queen comes over I will

explain it to her oh yeah like I'm going

to let you talk to the

queen W the parade is really good this

year man those horses can

crap next up is a marching band from MSI

Oklahoma MSI that's like 4 hours from

Tulsa

woohoo and here's the float with the

Stars of the popular daytime soap Days

of Our

Lives oh my

God aren't you one of the stars that the

popular daytime soap Days of Our Lives

yeah I forgot I'm supposed to be

there I can't believe I forgot I usually

write stuff like this down on my

arm oh stupid long

sleeves what are you going to do I guess

I'm going to have to come up with a

really good reason why I wasn't there

the producers are going to be so mad at

me they sat us all down yesterday and

said everyone has to be there 6:00 a.m.

sharp that means you

triani like I was some kind of

idiot well you prove them wrong the hell

just happened I am so so sorry I was

going to do it really but then I was

standing there with

$327 in one hand and $238 in the other

hand and I was thinking wow it's been a

long time since I

had $327 plus

$238 Joey we had a deal that's why

you're here I've got to fire you and I

got to pay

rent look how how about this you don't

fire me instead I stay here I gain their

trust and then they'll start listening

to all the nice things I've been saying

about

you what kind of things you've been

saying well nothing yet they really hate

you and I want to fit in so excited I

just set Rachel up with the worst guy

tonight all right who is he well it's

this guy used to massage and by massage

I mean hold down so he wouldn't turn

over and Flash

me okay C why do you hear who I got for

Ross oh yeah okay she's this really

boring woman she's a

teacher a teacher yeah yeah she's really

into history and foreign movies oh oh

and she loves puzzles huh come on who

loves puzzles

well Ross

does you you're ruining the plan Joey

you you you fixed him up with his

perfect woman oh my God you're right

yeah she even reads for pleasure

[Music]

Key Vocabulary

Vocabulary	Meanings
buying /ˈbaɪɪŋ/ B1	verb - acquiring something by paying money for it.
selling /ˈselɪŋ/ B1	verb - giving something to someone in exchange for money.
conversation /ˌkɒnvərˈseɪʃən/ B1	noun - a talk between two or more people.
totally /ˈtoʊtəli/ A2	adverb - completely; absolutely.
unconstitutional /ˌʌnkɒnstɪˈtjuːʃənəl/ C1	adjective - not in accordance with the constitution.
deserves /dɪˈzɜːrvz/ B1	verb - to be worthy of something.
neutral /ˈnjuːtrəl/ B1	adjective - not supporting or favoring either side in a dispute.
Stalin /ˈstælɪn/ B2	noun - Joseph Stalin, a Soviet dictator.
dictator /ˈdɪkteɪtər/ B2	noun - a ruler with absolute power.
slaughtered /ˈslɔːtərd/ C1	verb - killed violently in large numbers.
attractive /əˈtræktɪv/ B1	adjective - pleasing to the eye or mind.
reacting /riˈæktɪŋ/ B1	verb - responding to a stimulus.
evil /ˈiːvəl/ B1	adjective - profoundly immoral and wicked.
convey /kənˈveɪ/ B2	verb - make (an idea, impression, or feeling) known or understandable to someone.
divide /dɪˈvaɪd/ A2	verb - separate into parts.
lie /laɪ/ A2	noun - an intentionally false statement. verb - to tell an untruth.
thesaurus /ˈθɛsəˌrəs/ C1	noun - a book of synonyms and antonyms.
brainy /ˈbreɪni/ B1	adjective - very intelligent.

Key Grammar Structures

• I'm not buying, I'm selling.

  ➔ Present continuous (be + -ing) for ongoing actions

  ➔ The verb "am" + "-ing" shows a temporary or ongoing activity.

• Do your friends ever have a conversation and you just nod along even though you're not really sure what they're talking about?

  ➔ Concessive clause with "even though"

  ➔ "even though" introduces a contrast; the clause after it is true despite the main clause.

• I haven't said anything for about two minutes.

  ➔ Present perfect with duration (have/has + past participle + for)

  ➔ "haven't" = have + not; the phrase "for about two minutes" tells how long the silence has lasted.

• If I'm in a scene where I have to cry, I cut a hole in my pocket.

  ➔ Zero conditional (if + present simple, present simple) for habitual results

  ➔ "If" introduces a condition; both clauses use the simple present because the action is a routine or habit.

• I think everything's going to be okay.

  ➔ "Going to" future for prediction

  ➔ "going to be" expresses a strong expectation about the future.

• I will be teaching acting for soap operas now.

  ➔ Future continuous (will be + -ing) for planned future activity

  ➔ "will be teaching" shows that the teaching will be happening continuously at a future time.

• I don't think I've broken my fridge.

  ➔ Present perfect negative (have/has + not + past participle)

  ➔ "I've" = I have; "not" negates the perfect, meaning the action (breaking) has not happened up to now.

• We could climb Mount Everest, but it costs a thousand dollars.

  ➔ "Could" for possibility or suggestion

  ➔ "could" is the past form of "can" used here to talk about a realistic but not certain option.

• I need to divide 232 by 13.

  ➔ "Need + to‑infinitive" for necessity

  ➔ "need" is followed by the infinitive "to divide" indicating an action that must be done.