– English Lyrics

Lyrics & Translation

[English]

Mastur–

Teen Shan: Charming the snake.

Flicking the bean.

Blowing your own horn.

Shan: Ok, enough with the euphemisms—

I’m gonna go ahead and just say it: Masturbation.

It’s something that many people  do throughout their lives.

And humans are far from the only  animals who like a little “me time.”

But sometimes masturbation is coupled with shame.

So let’s do what we do, and talk about it.

Hi! I'm Shan Boodram and  this is Crash Course Sex Ed.

[THEME MUSIC]

Masturbation is stimulating your  own genitals for sexual pleasure.

Which is a really clinical way to describe  

something humans have been  enjoying for a long time!

According to evolutionary biologists and  some saucy prehistoric rock paintings,

humans have been masturbating for  probably as long as we’ve been around.

And if it’s not your thing, no sweat!

But if it is, you’re not alone,  even if nobody’s talking about it.

Surveys show that most people masturbate,

regardless of their gender, sexual  orientation, age, or relationship status.

Yeah, so it’s not just dudes and single people.

Masturbation is a totally  normal part of human sexuality,

and everyone has their own relationship  to it — including how they do it.

For instance, archaeologists have  discovered objects that were used  

as sex toys going as far back as  the Han dynasty in ancient China.

And today, sexual aids are making it possible  for more people of all abilities to enjoy sex.

Teen Shan, let ‘em know.

In the 1960s, there was a  lot of “free love, baby.”

But not everyone was included in  this so-called sexual revolution—

especially disabled people.

They wanted to have sex—and did!—

but a lot of non-disabled folks  saw them as devoid of sexuality.

That’s where Gosnell Duncan came in.

In 1965, an accident left him  paralyzed from the waist down,

which caused him to not be  able to get an erection.

As he got involved in the  disability rights movement,

he learned he wasn’t the only one thinking about  the intersection of disability and sexuality.

Part of the problem? At the  time, sex toys were… not great.

Most were made of harsh-smelling rubber that  couldn’t be washed and that melted in heat.

So Duncan worked with a chemist to  create the world’s first silicone dildo—

washable, shareable, and easily  used with low hand mobility.

And even though he made it for disabled  folks, silicone became the thing in sex toys,

which makes for a nicer, more hygienic  time for people of all abilities.

The world of sex toys has come a long way  since those rubber dildos from the sixties.

Today, there are tons of different kinds for all  sorts of interests, sexualities, and abilities.

A few words to the wise when it comes to  sex toys: Use condoms for shared toys,

only use objects that are  specifically made for sexy time, and

— the golden rule —

nothing goes up the butt if  it doesn’t have a flared base.

Otherwise, it could get sucked up there.

Emergency rooms have truly seen it all, y’all.

So, masturbation is natural and  normal, and has been around forever.

But is paddling the pink canoe or  polishing the banister good for you?

Short answer: It can be!

Beyond just feeling good, many people have  reported that masturbation can help them relax,  

relieve anxiety and pain, and fall asleep.

Scientists still have a lot  to learn about why that is,

but one reason could be the increase of the  hormones dopamine and oxytocin during orgasm,

which can counteract cortisol—AKA  “the stress hormone.”

Masturbation also stimulates the release of  neurotransmitters called endocannabinoids,

which regulate things like sleep,  pain, and immune responses.

And there might be some  long-term medical benefits, too.

Some research has even found  that for people with vulvas,

the increased blood flow from masturbating  regularly can help keep genital tissue healthy.

And other studies have found  that for folks with penises,

more frequent ejaculation has some  relationship with lowering the risk  

of developing prostate cancer later on  in life, although it’s not clear why yet.

Sex educators have also observed that masturbation  can help people get to know their body,

and themselves as a sexual being.

It can help them figure out what  they like, what they don’t like,

and build a foundation they can  explore with others, if they choose to.

With women in particular,

studies have found that single  women who masturbated reported  

being more sexually satisfied when they had partnered sex,

and overall, women who masturbate  are more sexually confident,

and have a more positive self-image.

And masturbation provides all of these  benefits with no risk of STIs or pregnancy.

Now that’s what I call an MVP.

Of course, there can be such a  thing as masturbating too much.

If it gets in the way of someone’s  responsibilities or social life,

it’s a good idea to talk  to a doctor or a counselor.

But in general, many studies have found evidence  that the five-finger shuffle can have upsides.

So… why do so many cultures give it a bad rap?

It turns out, people haven’t always  been cagey about masturbation.

Back in the timeline, people openly acknowledged  it more, including in creation stories.

Like, the ancient Sumerians believed one of  

their gods created the Tigris and  Euphrates Rivers by ejaculating.

And the ancient Egyptians  believed that one of their  

gods created the entire universe by masturbating.

Now that’s some BDE.

The ancient Greeks saw masturbation  as a normal bodily function,

but for them, it did have a judgey edge to it —

it was seen as something for lower-class citizens.

And they weren’t the last to  give masturbation some side-eye.

Many religions take a negative view of  self-pleasure, for different reasons.

Some see masturbation as an expression of lust,

while others teach that sex is something  a person should only do with their spouse.

But some of the shade has also come  from historical doctors and scientists,

whose inaccurate ideas have  bled over into the 21st century.

For instance, in the 1700s,

a famous Swiss doctor named Samuel Auguste Tissot  popularized the idea that semen was, quote,

a “vital fluid” that shouldn’t be  wasted on anything but procreation.

In what turned into a global campaign,

he and other doctors spread the belief that  masturbation made you weak and infertile.

And because back then, people thought  that semen originated in the brain,

they said masturbating would also  lose you a bunch of IQ points.

And the wrong ideas didn’t end there.

As time went on, people started to think that  

masturbation wouldn’t just  cause physical problems,

but psychological ones, too.

In the 18th and 19th centuries,

medical practitioners said masturbation caused  disease, maladjustment, and even insanity.

Which led to some disturbing preventative methods.

Like, the Victorians used antimasturbation devices  that would hurt the penis if it became erect.

You could order one straight out of a catalog.

And self-proclaimed experts like  Dr. John Harvey Kellogg came up  

with other gruesome ideas that are such  nightmare fuel, I’ll spare you the details.

His least horrible idea?

Probably that tasteless, fiber-rich foods  would keep the masses from masturbating,

which is part of why he invented…cornflakes.

No thanks.

Yeah, that Kellogg.

These days, there’s no evidence  that masturbating will hurt your  

SAT scores or that it causes psychological issues.

But unfortunately, some new myths  have popped up in the last few years.

Movements like NoFap and No Nut November encourage  men in particular to abstain from masturbation —

because of the idea that not masturbating can lead  to benefits like increased testosterone long-term.

Which to be clear, has no scientific support.

The big takeaway?

Masturbation is a normal part of human sexuality,

and there’s no need to feel embarrassed about it.

No one’s gonna go blind or bald  or grow hair on their palms—

not from marching the penguin, or cuffing  the carrot, or turning on the sprinklers.

I could keep ’em coming too.

Next time, we’re wrapping up the series  by exploring what it means to be kinky.

I'll see you then.

This episode of Crash Course Sex Ed was produced  

in partnership with the Kinsey  Institute at Indiana University.

If you’re interested in learning more,  

visit their website for resources that explore  the topics we discussed in the video today.

Thank you for watching this episode,

which was filmed at our studio in Indianapolis  

and was made with the help of  all these very awesome people.

If you want to help keep Crash  Course free for everyone, forever,

you can join our community on Patreon.

Key Vocabulary

Vocabulary	Meanings
masturbation /ˌmæs.tʃərˈbeɪ.ʃən/ C1	noun - the act of stimulating one's own genitals for sexual pleasure
genitals /ˈdʒen.ɪ.təlz/ B2	noun - the external reproductive organs
pleasure /ˈpleʒ.ər/ B1	noun - a feeling of happy satisfaction and enjoyment
shame /ʃeɪm/ B1	noun - a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior
clinical /ˈklɪn.ɪ.kəl/ B2	adjective - relating to or characteristic of clinical medicine
evolutionary /ˌiː.vəˈluː.ʃə.nə.ri/ C1	adjective - relating to the process of evolution
biologists /ˌbaɪˈɒl.ə.dʒɪsts/ B2	noun - scientists who study living organisms
orientation /ˌɔː.ri.ənˈteɪ.ʃən/ B2	noun - the determination of the relative position of something or someone
normal /ˈnɔː.məl/ A2	adjective - usual, typical, or expected
discover /dɪˈskʌv.ər/ B1	verb - find (something or someone) unexpectedly or while looking for something else
disabled /dɪˈseɪ.bəld/ B1	adjective - having a physical or mental condition that limits movement, senses, or activities
revolution /ˌrev.əˈluː.ʃən/ B2	noun - a fundamental and relatively sudden change in political power and political organization
paralyzed /ˈpær.ə.laɪzd/ B2	adjective - unable to move (a part of the body)
movement /ˈmuːv.mənt/ B1	noun - an act of changing physical location or position or of having this changed
mobility /məˈbɪl.ɪ.ti/ B2	noun - the ability to move or be moved freely and easily
hygienic /haɪˈdʒiː.nɪk/ B2	adjective - conducive to maintaining health
benefits /ˈben.ɪ.fɪts/ B1	noun - something that is advantageous
hormones /ˈhɔː.moʊnz/ C1	noun - a chemical substance produced in a gland and transported in the body to have a specific effect