– Bilingual Lyrics Korean/English

Lyrics & Translation

[English]

Mr. A's chopsticks usually stick out a lot.

He is nicknamed Button by other people.

(Hey, Button!)

The chopsticks stick out.

But one day, while I was at home, I got a call from my girlfriend.

Honey, we decided to go to the amusement park today~

You have to wear that couple t-shirt I bought you. See you later~

It was an ordinary call, but Mr. A He was embarrassed

Because the couple t-shirt was a white t-shirt...

It was so sticky that his complex button was visible.

He made excuses and excuses and didn't wear it.

Mr. A shook his head because he couldn't even take it off.

That was a band-aid!

Instead of the usual elongated one,

it was a new round band.

Boy A immediately took the band and attached it to the button.

When he put the clothes on, the buttons magically disappeared.

Satisfied, Boy A wore the clothes and went to the amusement park.

It happened to be full of middle school students who had come from a middle school on a picnic.

His girlfriend was so excited and loved it that she said

Oppa~

I really want to ride the roller coaster

Let's get on it~

A, who is usually timid, mustered up the courage to go on the roller coaster

But when the middle school students who came back and forth came and came, A was a little uncomfortable.

The date atmosphere was ruined by the loud talk, so he was upset.

The roller coaster went up with a sound,

and suddenly started running.

That time! The noisy middle school student suddenly

took out a drink in a small plastic bottle and

Hey, watch carefully and drink it!

He opened the lid of his drink.

Sure enough, on the way down, some of the drink spilled out and

As if by a twist of fate, it hit the

button.

A was shocked when he saw his own chest.

Since it was a flesh-colored band, the part of the button that was visible looked like an actual king button, not the

band!

(The band itself looked like a button!)

Man A, who was embarrassed, reached inside his clothes and ripped off the bandage before his girlfriend could see when he arrived

...

He took the band off, but he thought it would be better.

Luckily, his girlfriend didn't notice.

Man A breathed a sigh of relief.

There was a lot of noise at the exit.

Hey, look at that...

That's real!

That's amazing. How can something from a person be that big?

Is that a person!?

I looked down with an ominous feeling.

There was a corner where you can take pictures and sell them when the roller coaster is about to go down.

A corner where you can take pictures and sell them.

It was in the middle of Mr. A's photo.

All the people passing by were looking in front of the photo.

Is that a person? Look at that!

It's so big!

How can you get so big from a man?

Look at that button!

Wow~~~~

In particular, he was hogging the attention of those noisy middle school students.

In the end, Mr. A canceled his free pass that day,

and returned home on just one amusement ride.

My friend from college, Ms. J, had a crush on Mr. K, who was rumored to be the 4th dimension at school.

I felt sorry for Ms. J, who couldn't even confess it and only liked her.

Somehow. I wanted to hook you up

Then one day, the opportunity came

At a drinking party where Miss J and Oppa K were together

While playing various drinking games, I came up with an amazing plan

Hey, I'll only attack you, so I lost on purpose

I asked Oppa K to play the black knight

It's right next to me

How can you do that...

Is that so?

Physical contact when the Black Knight makes a wish

Ugh

I'm looking forward to it

As planned, Ms. J won the punishment contest.

With my push tactics, I even succeeded in getting K-oppa to become a black knight.

With the spur of the moment,

Oppa is cool.

Since he made me a black knight, I should grant his wish.

J, you know that you have to grant any wish, right?

People shouted out

wishes

wishes, wishes,

wishes, wishes, wishes,

Ms. J looked forward and waited for K's wish

K's oppa

Hmm

Oh, then

1,000 won

Huh?

I was dumbfounded

Ms. J was embarrassed and took out 1,000 won from her wallet

I focused my attack on Ms. J again and punished her

Once again, K-oppa one-shotted the bomb liquor and again

Sowon

Sowon Sowon

Sowon Sowon Sowon

Sowon Sowon Sowon

But this oppa again

Well

1,000 Won

Woo~~~

Let's get people booing

Ah, okay

Then 2,000 Won

At that time, another senior was frustrated

Hey!

Originally, the Black Knight's wish was not for money, but for something that the other person could do right here

with his body.

Something he could do with his body

Ah~

Me and Ms. J were looking forward to it

Um

Yeah ah...

Geez...

Then um...

Get down on your stomach

Eff!?

Ms. J leaned down on a chair at a bar and stretched out

It was really heartbreaking

What on earth do you like about people like that?

Why are there so many people so clueless?

But Ms. J's absurd answer

Struggling while lying down on her stomach

Ugh...

That's the charm of K oppa...

Oh my god, I connected the black knight one last time

I prepared to make a wish for K oppa

And earlier, that senior suggested a certain plan

Yamma

Don't punish your child with a wish

You know what you're doing to your child

This is what you two can do here alone!

Huh!?

Then K oppa

Ah, yes, that's it

Let's just hit her once

Oppa K hit the girl's forearm loudly with his fist

I was so shocked that I flew to Andromeda

I asked Ms. J, who was stroking her forearm, again

Are you crazy about the bottom(?) of me?

Aren’t you manly?

That's Oppa K's charm

The power of a bean pod is truly great

My friend Gyeorae was a kid with amazing arm sweats

Why Gyeomi?

Because my armpits cry all the time

It's winter

That's not my real name

Winter because my armpits cry all the time

Winter really wanted to go to the meeting

But we didn't take her

No matter what clothes she wears,

Even her sides get wet with sweat

Then one day

We had a meeting that day too, and

Winter participated with confidence

Oh no, Winter

It's hot today

Hey! hey! hey!

Don't worry!

I treated all my armpits~

It was a time when products like deodorant weren't popular.

That's the winter method.

I put a sponge in my armpits...

I put a sponge in it~

Even if I sweat, the sponge will absorb it all~

Don't worry~

It sounded good to me.

So, for the first time, we included Winter in our meeting.

Winter's plan was a success.

Winter's armpits did not cry for over 30 minutes during the meeting.

Winter looked so excited.

It was the happiest she had been since meeting Winter.

The meeting went on smoothly

We decided to play a game to brighten up the mood

That game was...

The 369 game!

3! 6! 9! 3! 6! 9! 3! 6! 9! 3! 6! 9!

You know 369’s trademark move, right?

A movement where you fold your elbows and fold and unfold your shoulders like wings

But... that's wrong...

Oh, by the way!

Every time I did that movement, I heard a sound like a water gun being fired from somewhere...

!

Snap! Snap! Snap! Snap! Snap! Snap! Snap! Snap! Snap! Snap!

Yes... that sound was the sound of a sponge being squeezed every time the armpits were folded in the 369 movement

...

It was the sound of arm sweat being shot like a water gun

Yes...

At that time, someone on the man's side said

Ugh...

Oh, that arm...

At Winter's seat, isn't this

water leaking from the ceiling?

Oh my, your clothes are all wet?

Oh, is this leaking water?

Uh...

The arm sweat that was released all at once soaked my winter jacket.

The meeting that day was ruined.

Two drunk women got into a taxi in Daegu city.

But one of them got off first.

The remaining woman asked to go toward S Middle School.

The problem was in the taxi on the way to the destination...

It is said that he vomited completely and stretched out completely.

Customer! customer!

Come to your senses!

Ah... take a look!

Because it was a female guest, I couldn't shake her to wake her up.

My brother said he eventually called the police.

But there was still no sign of waking up, so

the police used the cell phone in his hand to call the place where

'Mom' was saved.

Hello?

This is the police

Is your daughter very drunk right now?

Even if I wake him up, he won't wake up

Uh... well, that's why I called my mother

I'm going crazy... ugh ㅉ

This is... Gyeongsan, Gyeongbuk.

Can you take me to here?

Yes? I'm sorry

I'm Gyeongsan Gyeongsan

When I asked him to come home, my brother ended up driving from

Daegu to Gyeongsan

with the woman in a taxi and drove for a long time.

It was very dark because it was early in the morning.

...

...

...

You hit my back like crazy.

You're so crazy!

I can't live without being embarrassed by the neighborhood, I can't live, it's so bad!

Drinking tons of alcohol!

What the hell are you doing? Just go!

He poured out six-headed letters and hit me on the back really hard.

He returned home with his daughter, who couldn't even open her eyes after being beaten like that.

After calculating the taxi fare, the father put the car in reverse so that she could go out.

Come, come~~~ Come...

Come? Ah yes, it's done

I was shouting

when my mother suddenly came running out of the

house and said

honey!

She's not our daughter?

Ah...

Looking at you in this bright light, honey!

She's not my daughter!

She's not our daughter!?

The daughter I saw under the bright fluorescent lights...

It was a woman I had never seen before.

It turned out that the cell phone I was holding in my hand

was left behind by a friend who got off first.

Due to the nature of our company, we sometimes get calls from foreigners.

My job is also to consult with those foreigners in English.

There is a female accountant in the seat behind me.

She is there. I have a phobia of English

When I get a call from a foreigner

Hello? this is...

I take a deep sigh and just hang up

Then one day, he said he decided to learn English

Then, before I knew it, he

started using the F sound for all ㅍ sounds

It's not the correct F sound that involves biting the lower lip

It's a bit like the h sound...

I really shouldn't laugh, but I tend to laugh a lot

Assistant manager today...

Kehui...

I'm out of Kahui coffee beans, but I think I should buy some.

Yes...?

Coffee beans

Ah...coffee?

Assistant Manager, there is no paper in the copier...

There is no paper for Ahoo

There is paper for Ahoo

Yes?

Awesome paper!

Even in the P pronunciation that doesn't need to be the F pronunciation...

I started adding the F pronunciation

Manager, I sent you...

word file...

Did you do the flint?

Print is Print, so you don't have to add the F sound, so why would you do that...

Maybe you're trying to make me laugh, but I missed the point of laughter...

Did I miss the hint of laughter...

That's when I went crazy

The incident happened that day

It was a really busy day

It was a day where we were working on each other's writing, sending, and editing documents

But to the female employee. I asked

Are the files I sent you earlier complete?

What file?

Oh, I sent you an email earlier, but didn’t you see it?

Ah, that...

The Whidiech file?

Fidieh

FidiehX2

For a moment I thought I heard wrong

Fidieh?

I wonder if I can hear the half-air, half-voice sound that Jinyoung Park was talking about here.

Yes? What file is this?

Ah!

Fidieh file!

Aren't you talking about the file?

He meant a PDF file

Heediegh file

I burst out laughing here, but I was laughing really hard

After a while, I fell down with one last punch

I'm busy today...

Let's just order some hwija

Uh...today...uh...

Feworoni hwija!

Fehehe...

Feehoroni hwija!

Fewolongi

A female employee of our company who has gone too far to correct me

I hope you succeed in studying English

I have a boil on my butt, probably because I sit in the office for a long time

But the boil is so painful that I can't sit down

It's about the size of a walnut...

(Wow, this isn't a boil. It's... a tumor)

It's swollen and swollen, and even the slightest touch hurts.

I couldn't stand it anymore, so I went to the hospital.

I showed the doctor the swelling on my buttocks.

Oh, this is it now...

Wow...

This...!

Wow...

This and that...

Now

I need to have surgery

Ugh... I'm doing it

Surgery!?

Let's be surprised

Ah

What... ㄱ... It's simple. Don't be scared

Oh, this...

Oh, I need to pop this boil...

Because anesthesia doesn't heal the wound well

Ah... This is true

Ah....

Even though it hurts, you'll have to endure it for a while.

(The doctor is very embarrassed.)

Tears came out as he cut open my flesh.

I was putting on my pants with my buttocks covered and tears streaming down my face.

What the doctor said while giving me a prescription

Oh, this is...

Are you married?

Yes

Ah... Then you have that for your wife

, right?

A...

Ah...this is this...

There's something you use when you use that magic once a month

Ask for that and keep it

Put it on the wound tomorrow

No!?

Yes...!?

Ah... this is so...

Oh, don't think it's strange.

Ah...

There's no better way to treat a boil than that.

There's no better way than that.

When I got home that evening, I asked my wife to explain what happened at the hospital.

She laughed.

Should I give her something with wings?

They made fun of it

But the next day, I tried to put it on when I went to work, but

I wear boxer shorts...

It doesn't work as well as I thought because I wear it most of the time.

Square underwear is loose and doesn't stay in place, so

I just fixed it with a bandage and went to work.

The problem started when I went to work in the office.

The area where it hurt was a pain. I felt really good because I wasn't sick.

I had fun working, but I had a lot to report that day, so I was busy.

When I sat down and stood up, it must have caused friction in my pants.

Behind me... Assistant Manager Kim said behind me.

Manager, is there something stuck to the end of your pants?

While doing it,

Oh, I'll take it off... I'll take it off.

But I ended up taking off the thing that came out of the end of my pants!

At that moment, Deputy Kim's expression hardens.

I...

Why...what's wrong, Deputy Kim?

The moment I looked at him, I almost fainted too.

That was the one I had put on in the morning... the winged one!

The wound hasn't completely healed, so there's a little blood

I couldn't say anything to Assistant Manager Kim and was trying to explain the whole story

He already turned around and walked away

Since that incident, I've been becoming a pervert at work

I just had a boil on my butt...

The doctor is unfair

My friend who was my homeroom teacher in 3rd grade is on summer vacation. I gave them something called free research as homework

Here, free research

is a very good learning method that allows children to develop their thinking power and imagination by taking the lead in creating and analyzing hypotheses

...

When I told the children that this was not mandatory and that only those who wanted to do it should do it,

out of 28 students, only three did it.

It felt like there was a lot of parental influence in confirming the research topic.

How to calculate the mass of a black hole

Problems of a class society that can be seen through ants

Ah, this is different from the initial intention

But the moment I confirmed the final research topic

I felt that this was a pure and ingenious idea just for children

Topic

Can people drink water with their peppers instead of their mouths?

Reason for choosing the topic

I played in the pool without drinking water, but I needed to pee

I thought I might be able to drink water with my body instead of my mouth

The research method is coming out now!

Two hours before the experiment, I soaked in the bathhouse without drinking water

After 20 minutes, I needed to pee

(Oh, I drank it with pepper!)

I soaked only my legs, leaving half of the water in the bathhouse

Only my lower body~

An hour later, I had to pee

Put water in a paper cup

Put it on paper...

On paper...on paper...

(Uhhhhhhhh...)

(You did a real experiment!)

Here (You did a real experiment!) The experiment begins Now

I put water in a paper cup and

put the pepper in it

I didn't feel like peeing even after two hours

Research results

Failed!

Reason for failure

Dad went to the urologist

I guess your father was the test subject

(Oh, I didn't make you lose?)

Dad, just soak it for an hour

I guess your father was the test subject

Thanks to research that was touched by something other than your parents' hands

I was able to make my brilliant imagination come true

I wonder if you are at peace now

You must have heard or seen it at least once when you graduated from girls' middle or girls' high school.

Barbary Man

It was a very cold winter

It happened at a girls' middle school

It was a romantic winter with a lot of snow falling that day

piling up on the ground

But that day, the beginner Barbary Man...

He didn't care about the cold and suddenly visited our students

Ahhh!!!

At that time, there was a bachelor teacher at the school who had a particularly strong sense of justice.

While teaching outside the school gate, the teacher

witnessed the scene of the problem

and had a burning sense of justice.

Hey, shoo!!

Hey!!

The teacher, full of justice, started running to the Barbary Man like a runner

The Barbary Man couldn't even calculate this situation...

...

...

He dodged the teacher who was running towards the school gate

and ran into the school

The Barbary Man and the teacher ran around the snow-covered playground endlessly

It was a beautiful sight.

Hey! You’re not standing there, dude!?

Then the Barbary Man lost his footing, slipped, and fell flat on the snow.

He ended up falling backwards, so

his face turned toward the sky.

The children started to flock in, and

the teacher, filled with a sense of justice, did everything in his power to protect us until the last moment

...

turned his white eyes on the important parts of the Barbary Man. Pouring

No!!

Children should not see this!

Ouch... Oops! Oh my!

Oh no, you can't do this!

The teacher paid no heed and continued to cover the surroundings with snow.

Kids, close your eyes! no!

Ouch! It’s cold in here!!

The barbarian keeps shoveling away the snow because it's cold.

The teacher covers it again!

Cover and remove snow from important areas!

No!

#$%@#$??

The struggle on the playground continued for several minutes

My close teacher, who was in charge of my high school senior class, is a friendly and comfortable bachelor teacher like an old lady

...

One day, a parent dressed up nicely came to the teacher's office

This...

Is this... the 3rd grade teacher's office?

Yes, that's right

Which teacher are you looking for?

This

This is from Teacher Yam

Yes? Are there any teachers like that at this school?

Really?

I'm really sorry

and he left

And he came back a while later

My son says this is the teacher's office, but are you really there?

The mother seemed desperate and the teacher wanted to help.

By any chance, what grade and class is your son in?

This is 3rd grade class ○

Huh!?

I'm your homeroom teacher?

Aren’t you the teacher of ‘This is it’?

I...

My name is Jeong ○○

It's strange. My son said he was the teacher, 'This is this'.

He showed me the text and the content was like this.

One of the teachers at our school had a nickname, 'Pakkom'.

When supervising during night time

He got that nickname because he was the teacher who always opened the back door.

Teacher Pakkom wasn't too kind either.

One day, my friend was reading a comic book during the night time.

But that day happened to be Teacher Pakkom's supervision day.

The friend, who couldn't sense the teacher carefully opening the classroom door, got caught.

The comic book was stolen and I tried everything, but it was no use.

The friend whose comic book was taken away was so angry that he went home and threw all sorts of tantrums.

Wow, he's so annoying!

Oh my gosh!

I'm really annoyed because of Pakkom!

My friend’s mother, who kept listening to that,

What’s wrong?

Pakgomi?

What is that? What's wrong?

and

my friend couldn't bear to tell her mom that it was because she was caught up in bed time while reading a comic book.

There's such a thing,

it's because she had a rather annoying teacher,

and she said vaguely

Then my friend's mother was worried that my friend was having trouble at school because of the friction with the teacher

...

And after cleaning time the next day,

From my friends who were in charge of cleaning the school office,

I was able to hear the news about my friend's mother.

A neatly dressed parent holding a fruit basket in one hand

came into the school room and said this.

I...

Excuse me...

Is 'Park Gom-hee' a teacher here?

A sweet break after a boring class

My friend

said he felt like farting

Another friend who heard that sound

Hey

Since farting is a sound, it can be used for voice search, right?

Then, I took the latest cell phone and put it on

my friend's butt.

The sound continued for quite a long time.

At that moment,

skate

skate was searched on the cell phone screen.

Isn't it a scent search? Smell search?

Skate

LOL

LOL

LOL

LOL

LOL

LOL

LOL

LOL

LOL

LOL

LOL

Hahaha

Hahahahahaha

Many kids, including me, say to that friend,

Hey, let's get the farts out at the right time, dude

How long does it have to be in your stomach to be searched for a skate?

Then I posted a bruise

That friend's nickname was Hongbang

It became an abbreviation for skateboard

But what's so funny is that

the friend who suggested voice search tried voice searching his fart at home

Short and bold

Pow! I put it on, but

voice search showed

Book

book. Book

Book

Book

There was a skate shop and a bookstore

The summer of my senior year of high school

I heard a rumor around me that high school seniors should prepare for the college entrance exam.

I made up my mind and registered the reading room.

The reading room was a very quiet place.

(What is this person doing;;)

So most of the time I spend

Why is this place so quiet?

I spent my time worrying about things.

It was so stuffy in the reading room.

I mainly worried on the stairs going up to the reading room.

Then one day, around 10 o'clock,

I was squatting on the stairs like always.

Why is this place so quiet?

While I was looking out the window while thinking about this,

I made eye contact with an unknown man standing at the dark window of the building opposite

...

The man seemed to be staring at me with an expressionless face and then disappeared

But the next evening

This time, another man stood staring at me at the same window

When our eyes met, he disappeared again.

It was creepy for some reason

But the next day and the day after that, men would appear at the window

with expressionless faces

Sometimes they would smile and then disappear

It made me even more creepy.

When a month passed like that

I decided to gather my courage and go to the window of the building where the mysterious men had been haunting

...

The window on the 3rd floor was where the men appeared

As I climbed higher and higher, my fear grew

Calming my pounding heart

The moment I turned towards the direction where the window was located

I found a door that looked as if it could be broken

The moment I carefully opened the door that had a gloomy atmosphere

Wow!!!!!

That window I saw was there

Right above the man's urinal

That's right

I've seen it countless times...

The expressionless face I've seen countless times

A smile that didn't seem to be visible...

The man was doing his business there

When he stood at the urinal

The position of his face was facing exactly out the window

Feeling somewhat embarrassed by the window on the staircase in the reading room,

I sat down in the reading room and started studying.

The following year,

took the exam again.

Since no one was home, I turned on the computer and did what I had to do.

It's a pornographic movie.

...

...

...

Suddenly I opened the door and my mom appeared

Mom was already looking at the monitor

At that split second

I!

Uh huh...heh...

Uh huh...heh... It's a video call and it's a Japanese friend.

It was the beginning of a pornographic video, so there was a scene where the woman introduced herself.

It was believable because the woman was looking directly at me.

Ah, the video call

Mom, do you have any Japanese friends?

I pressed the still screen, saying the phone connection was disconnected for a moment.

I looked at my mother, breaking into a cold sweat.

Fortunately, she seemed to believe me.

My mother looked at the woman on the monitor and said,

Oh, she looks nice.

What are you doing, girl?

Uh, uh...

That sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss and and buts... though.

...

...

...

...

...

...

And in a very bright voice

There's that Japanese girl you were video calling with before.

Um, are you serious?

Have you already introduced it to your younger brother?

It seems like your younger brother is also on a video call with him.

If things are going as they should be, your younger brother introduced you to me, right?

I couldn't tell the truth

When I watched porn, I woke up and locked the door

Let's go back to the closed door

I had no interest in studying at all

I went to school thinking I was going to school

I stopped by a comic book store at 8 a.m. and borrowed about 10 comic books a day

Instead of textbooks, I filled my bag and went

About 10 comics a day The rental fee was high to rent

I opened my own comic book rental store

I charged 100 won per book and handed it out

As I did this every day, I earned money for comic books.

When I was making good money, it was no problem to earn enough to pay for food.

Then one day, I saw almost all kinds of comic books, so

I rented 19+ pornographic comics.

Hwageun. That's it.

Being an all-boys high school, the response was explosive

It was only a matter of time before he became rich.

So, until Earth Science class in the 5th period,

even when the rental fee for that comic book was raised to 200 won,

it didn't seem to cool down.

One child was looking at that comic book and got caught by the teacher.

The Earth Science teacher

was a famous teacher who was a Christian fanatic.

The earth science teacher took the comic book away and called the child to the front.

Then he opened the comic book and his hands were shaking

At that time, the teacher suddenly showed tears

and rolled around on the floor of the classroom alone.

got up and said,

I can't shake off this dust

I can't shake off this dust (X) It's there (O)

But that picture got into your head!

This cannot be washed off!

He said this,

holding his friend's head,

Lord!

Lord! Lord!

Lord! Lord! Lord!

The prayer continued until the end of class

Finally, the bell rang for the end of class

I thought it would be over by now, but

I took that friend to the Earth Science room

Even after 6th period ended, he didn't come

Before 7th period started, the friend walked into the classroom

with bleary eyes

Then he apologized to me.

I'm sorry;;

I couldn't stand it so I blew it;;

I’ll take you with me for a long time;;

This is how I was called to the earth science room

When I opened the door and went in, there was a musty burnt smell

That's right

My comic book was on fire

I was worrying about the comic book

and suddenly the teacher gathered all the ashes from the comic book

and gathered it up with his hands

Now

drink it

...

I was embarrassed

How does the teacher drink this;;

Only then can your sins be washed away!

That's what you're doing

I was dumbfounded

Eat the ashes

I had to get over the situation somehow

At that time, my friend tapped my arm and sang a hymn

We'll fight the devils, take off your sins, brother♬

I also clapped and sang a pro-hymn

Glory, glory, glory Glory~♬

After hearing our hymn, the teacher forgave us

Instead, we agreed to sing a hymn before every class period

as proof of repentance

Every Thursday in the 5th period, we sang the hymn diligently

Thanks to you, we skipped the CSAT

Now we can tell that teacher

We are not devils, just He was a strong man!

It's over

One day, I got a call from my friend Oh Jae, who was in the military.

Hey, I haven't received a single letter.

I'm dying of embarrassment.

So, I lied that I had a girlfriend.

Pretend you're my girlfriend and send me a flower letter.

Okay, okay.

A message with the concept of a girlfriend who desperately misses you

I'll send it to you

I wrote just one line in a pretty flower pink envelope

in female handwriting

and sent it to Oh Jae

'Oppa'

'Oppa, I'm pregnant'

With this letter, Oh Jae's military life became completely fantastic

Oh Jae on the phone

Hey~~

Hey~~

...

@#$%@#$%

I just swore

Because of you, I've been branded a pregnant criminal

There's a rumor going around all over the unit right now, and I'm dying because I'm being called around.

You're beeping

What should I do?

Okay, okay, don't be angry

I'll send you a letter again

I sent a flower letter again

This time, I only added one line

'Oppa'

'Oppa but~'

'Oppa but~ 'I'm not your child'

With this letter, Oh Jae's military life ended completely.

In the entire unit, there was no one more pitiful than Oh Jae.

I was so pitiful that skipping work was basic.

The seniors were also very good to me.

They said she might desert.

She's not my brother, but she's pregnant.

She's not my brother's kid.

What happened now?

The battalion commander even called me and comforted me

Oh-jae, who was on leave, said that his military life had become easier thanks to me

He was very grateful

Woo-tae's armpit hair is 10.7cm

So we

So we call Woo-tae

So we call Woo-tae 10.7

Woo-tae's armpit hair is 10.7cm The arm hair

was soft as if it had been given a magic perm, and

It was long and flowing as if flowing(?)

Woo-tae loved his arm hair like that because he was a positive child.

It was quite a long time ago

I went to the sauna with Woo-tae, and he suddenly called me out.

Hey

Should I show you a personal skill?

What is your skill?

What is it?

Wait a moment

After a while, Woo-tae drenched his left armpit with water,

and took out the wet armpit hair between his chest and arm.

Look closely.

Then, he used Woo-tae's right hand to smooth out the hair,

and attached the wet armpit to his body with his fingers. It was to express

...

...

What do you think?

How about it? Isn't it pretty?

How about it? Isn't it pretty? Isn't it pretty?

The armpit hair of the beef is 10.7 centimeters!

Isn’t it pretty?

It was like looking at an ink painting

A black flower in full bloom

was nestled nicely under Woo-tae's armpit

Woo-tae, who was such a bright kid, got a blind date

Woo-tae, who wanted to show off his strong arm muscles to the girl,

showed up on the day of the blind date wearing a short-sleeved t-shirt with unusually short sleeves

Hey. You're not kidding, why are these muscles? Wow~

I prepared it for today

Hey, I'm killing it, it's okay

While we were having a happy conversation,

I found

10.7 cm sticking out near Wootae's biceps

10.7 cm

Hey!

You have arm hair↘ You have arm hair!↗

I was so frustrated that I screamed and I couldn't go on a blind date like this.

Oh, I can't help it. Let's go.

I'll get the scissors.

No!

I love my arm hair!

Because I already knew Wootae's crying 10.7 love

Instead of scissors, I bought transparent box tape

I sealed the arm hair with tape

It was amazing, it looked perfect

But after a successful blind date

Wootae went for a walk with her

...

It was hot. A walk on a summer day was too much for the armpit hair that had been sealed inside the tape.

Woo-tae's armpits were getting wet with

sweat, and

the sweat-soaked tape was losing its adhesiveness and

started to come out

...

She suddenly looked at Woo-tae and shouted

Omo oppa, what is this?

There's something like tape inside the clothes, wait a minute

Before she had time to stop herself, she ripped the tape off

Ah

Ahh

Aaaaa

Aaaaa

Aaaaa

Aaaaaaa

Aaaaaaa

Aaaaaaa

Aaaaaaaaa

Aaaaaaa!

Oh my, what is this

Oh my, what is this

Oh my, what is this

Oh my, what is this

Oh my, what is this

Oh my, what is this

Oh my, what is this

She threw away the fallen cow fetus, clutching its armpits.

He ran away

Oh, hey, that's not it!

This is not that!

Wootae is still single

I often look around for cheap and useful items on internet second-hand trading sites...

...

While waiting for a friend at Seongsu Station, I had some time left, so I was looking at the site.

A sales post that really caught my eye caught my eye.

The title was like this

Seongsu Station 50,000 won for sale for 40,000 won

I didn't understand at first

50,000 won for sale for 40,000 won?

What password is this?

Out of curiosity, I clicked on the text and

I am selling 50,000 won in cash for 40,000 won

I am selling it in a hurry, so please contact me only if you can come directly to Seongsu Station

Even after reading the content, I did not understand

You are selling 50,000 won for 40,000 won

I ended up sending a text message out of curiosity

Are you selling 50,000 won in cash for 40,000 won in cash?

Yes, it is

Are you from Seongsu Station?

Yes, it's Seongsu Station now.

But why are you selling it?

But I burst out laughing when I saw the answer that came back

Actually...

I accidentally got some poop on the 50,000 won bill in the bathroom

That's why I'm selling this 50,000 won bill for 40,000 won

You have to come and take it and wash it

When I was so laughing that I was croaking

I got a text urging me

It's true, right?

Once you check the actual product, you cannot return it.

It was so funny, but I sent him a rejection text in the most polite tone possible.

I'm sorry, I can't buy it.

Then he suddenly said,

I'll give it to you for 35,000 won.

Because it's folded, I'm not as disgusted as I thought.

My friend arrived just then, and I explained it to him, and we both laughed again.

The friend who was laughing got serious

Hey, should I buy that?

Hey what? Why do you buy that?

Ah, don't you think you could just take the plastic and put it in

and wash it somehow when you get home?

I guess it wasn't a joke

My friend actually sent a reply to my cell phone after a while

Okay, I'll buy it

I was laughing so hard next to him, saying that I was crazy

Sorry, it sold

Sorry, it just sold

It sold in that short 1-2 minutes

Who bought it?

I was drinking with my friends, and a person called my friend came by.

We were drinking together, but this senior kept touching me.

Hey~

Don't be a jerk!

Do you know who I am?

Ah, you idiot

Ah, idiot...

Hey!!

It's 'Ansan Tiger' dude

Ansan Tiger dude

Ansan Tiger dude ㅉ...

If you say my name in the neighborhood, no one will know you

Ansan Tiger!

I didn't say anything;;

You're so annoying, man~

He started ignoring me, who was small, and pretended to hit me, and started fussing

I couldn't bear it anymore, and I was so angry that I was completely angry.

Hey, you and me, you bastard!

Ansan Taigeon or Ansan Taieonji

Let's hit it off, &$!#%!

When the two of us got up from our seats,

our friends held Ansan Tiger on both sides to stop us.

I was so scared that I quickly lost my temper.

I was slightly crushed, but

my friends still couldn't get over my anger, so my friends grabbed me.

Let go!

Let go, you idiot!

Let go of this hand!

I’m not going to do anything so let go of my hands!?

Don’t let go of this hand?

Let go!

Just because I won’t hit you, let me go!

The more he did, the more his friends held on to his hands.

Ansan Tiger became even more upset.

It was like a roaring tiger.

If you let go, it was ready to pounce.

But suddenly, the older brother was crying, almost pleading.

Please let go...

Let go ㅠㅠ

At the same time, he was crying.

Yes, you did it.

There was silence for a moment, and Ansan Tiger asked me to leave

alone in a tearful voice...

When I asked a junior with a bad expression at a drinking party

what was going on, he told me about his dream.

Six kind old men appeared in the dream.

They smiled brightly when they saw the junior.

Probably...

Probably... me...

Probably. I thought that my ancestors who thought of me as pretty came to visit me in my dream.

The six ancestors told me

each number,

and told me to listen carefully and not forget

...

This is the dream of winning the lottery that I only heard about!

The junior was in a good mood, so he stayed alert and listened closely.

And the ancestors who told him the six numbers disappeared.

The junior said he woke up from a dream.

So I said

Hey, then you can just buy a lottery ticket.

Didn't you hear the numbers? Did you forget?

No...I heard it...

I remember...

No, but what's the problem?

They didn't speak one at a time...

Like a game with everyone at the same time...

(One, two, three)

@#$%!!!

He did that and shouted the number at the same time and then walked away.

I didn't understand it ㅠㅠ

Is this luck or something rare?

I went to church on the weekend and went to the bathroom before the service.

But then an old lady came into the room next to me

and looked at me like a big deal

Ah!

Ahhhhhhhhh...

Ahhhhhhh...

She was making this kind of moaning sound

It seemed like she was suffering from severe constipation.

For a while, the grandmother

said!

Ahhh!

Ahhhhhhhhh

He was moaning and muttering something

Lord

Please help me come out well

Give me strength through prayer

Take away the pain

By the grace of the Lord

Please help me come out well

You are praying for me to come out well after pooping.

I was laughing to myself because I was both embarrassed and laughing at the same time, and suddenly

Lord!

Fondant!

Fondant! A voice came out:

Thank you, Lord!

More this...

More this... I couldn't hold it any longer so I laughed out loud

I quickly left the bathroom and went to worship because I was afraid my grandmother would be embarrassed

It was so hot that I decided to go swimming with my friends

The members were three men and three women

It was a couple trip

I wanted to show off my sexy girlfriend pose in front of my boyfriend

I starved myself

I starved myself for a few days ago

And I tried on the new bikini swimsuit I bought in front of the mirror

My tummy is sticking out, giving me the perfect S-line!

Then mom came into the room

Oh, what a surprise!

Why is he naked and what is he doing!?

Isn’t it pretty? Isn’t mom pretty? Mom, aren't I sexy?

Ah, this damn girl is talking about big trouble!

Where do you want me to go wearing a piece of cloth the size of my palm?

Put something on top right now!

Oh, I hate it, I starved for several days just to wear this.

Hey, you crazy wit!

Didn’t your mom tell you this?

If a man asks you to go to an island, never go!

Huh?

Even if you go, be careful with your bra!

(Aww, Mom...)

(Aww, you need to be careful about your attitude, Mom)

(Why are you careful about your bra strap, Mom)

If only I hadn't gone to the island with your dad that day...

No, if only I hadn't drank soju that day...

I...

If only the bra strap hadn't slipped!

(You have such a trauma...you have such a trauma)

Be careful with your bra straps!

My mother, who got married at a young age because of my birth,

was always worried that something like that would happen to her daughter again.

This time, I was going with all my friends, so I reassured her that nothing would happen

and managed to get permission.

We finally arrived at the pension.

I was worried about changing my swimsuit to go out to the sea.

(Like my mom said, what should I wear...)

But we went together. All my friends were wearing sexy bikinis

I couldn't be the only one so I decided to wear a bikini

But the moment I took my clothes off...

I ended up screaming

Whoa!

On the solar plexus just below our chests,

there are three bruises the size of rice lids side by side.

What happened?

I called my mom in a mental breakdown.

Mom, what happened?

Why are you bruised?

I placed cupping on you while you were sleeping

You have to be careful with your bra strap!

What are you wearing? I left the cupping!

In the end, I followed my mother's wishes and played in the water wearing a dark green T-shirt that was not transparent even when wet

...

I have a sister who is very close to me

I decided to happily marry my boyfriend of 4 years

and we finally went on our long-awaited honeymoon

My sister prepared a lot for her first night of honeymoon

Perfume

Wine

Sexy underwear for anyone to see

First, when my husband got out of the shower

Wine and snacks to create an elegant atmosphere

I lit candles

My sister also took a shower in every corner of the bathroom...

After showering in every corner

I put on the sexy underwear I ambitiously prepared

I felt a bit awkward because it was something I didn't normally wear, but

This is what sexy underwear is supposed to be. They say she thought about it and put on a bathrobe over

and went out.

After seeing her younger sister looking so moist, her husband was in a very excited mood,

and suggested that she quickly head to bed.

So, the younger sister shyly took off her bathrobe.

But...

I don't know...

The husband, who should have been ecstatic to see his sexy younger sister, didn't answer.

He smiled loudly and drank the wine he was drinking.

It is said that he squirted on his sister's face

Anyone can see that his sister's body is very glamorous and sexy.

My sister was so angry that she put her gown back on because her pride was hurt and argued with her

Why on earth did you do that?

Is my body... that funny?

I have a body that anyone can see...I'm in good shape.

It really hurts my pride!

Hey...you!

The front and back of the panties are now reversed.

The underwear my younger brother ambitiously prepared was

thongs...

My younger brother, who was wearing thongs for the first time in his life, was confused about the front and back of the thongs, so he ended up wearing them backwards...

...

The front was back and the back was forward.

My younger sister said she left her husband with a first night of honeymoon that he will never forget.

She says she never wants to remember the nightmare of that day again

(Wow...)

(Why is she laughing?)

(Yes...)

I followed my co-worker to see a fortune teller.

I saw a really funny fortune teller.

She only came to see the fortune teller because of the kids.

As soon as she entered the room to see the fortune teller, she immediately started doing this.

My husband is cheating on me

Yes? My husband?

Is that possible?

Who knows?

It's because you don't know

He's cheating on you!

Oh my...is this really true?

My sister was a little anxious because she had heard that this fortune teller was very brave.

But the fortune teller gave the answer too easily

It was really obvious

It's okay if you use one amulet

An amulet?

Yes

Just use one talisman and everything will be resolved neatly

How much is it?

1 million won

Yes!?

1 million won?

Because we were shocked by the ridiculous price

the fortune teller threatened us like this

You have to use it quickly!

Otherwise, your husband

will take care of two households with that woman and even have a child with her!

Oh my... Wow...

I thought it was ridiculous, but

This sister is so deaf that she's just trying to sway me.

But 1 million won is too expensive, so she says

No... 1 million won is too expensive

Isn't there an amulet worth 50,000 won?

There is also a 50,000 won amulet

But if you use a 50,000 won amulet

My husband keeps cheating on me and I end up running a two-household

Yes? If that's the case, why use a talisman?

Instead, I won't have a child.

I live in two households, but

If I use a 50,000 won amulet, I won't have a child.

Yeah?

Then...what about 100,000 won?

If you spend 100,000 won, you won't be able to take care of two houses.

Instead, you'll secretly go out every weekend and have an affair.

Oh my my my my my my

So... what about 300,000 won...?

Huh?

I'm cheating, but...

I'll still be home on the weekends

So what if I spend about 500,000 won?

Huh...?

Uh....M....

Um....M.....

You probably cheat sometimes, right?

About once or twice a month?

So what happens if I spend about 800,000 won?

Huh? 80?

Hmm...

My husband does cheat.

He only cheats in his heart platonically.

An older brother I know is getting married.

Due to my mother's anger, I had no choice but to secretly check my girlfriend's compatibility.

I went to a brave fortune teller.

The fortune teller told me by my brother and his girlfriend's advice

It's not bad.

It's not good.

There's nothing we have to do

There's nothing to gain

Yes?

My mother looked at the fortune teller quietly, waiting for his next words.

But

What?

Why?

Mo?

Yes? Wow, is this the end?

Huh?

Uh...what?

Why? what?

The bokchae I prepared cost 100,000 won and this is all I got.

My brother and mother looked very disappointed.

They must have read their expressions.

My specialty is that type of physiognomy.

Do you have any pictures?

Oh wait a minute

Hey, take out a picture on your phone

Yes yeah

He took out his phone and showed his girlfriend's picture to the fortuneteller

But as soon as he saw the picture, the fortuneteller was very surprised

Haha hey!

This kind of award

Huh, hey, here it is

Haha

Wow, why? Why are you like that?

If your eyebrows are wide, you have strong lust.

And there's even a mole under your lips.

This, this, this!

Hey hey this!

Hey hey hey hey hey

Hey this is this

This is an award that completely reveals it, isn't it?

Hey, this is this

This is dirt...

It's an unusual award, isn't it?

My older brother and mother were surprised

They have to get married soon.

My mother was worried and asked urgently

Oh well...

Then what happens?

So the fortune teller said

Are you jealous?

Yes?

I'm jealous~ haha~ ha hee~

Oh my, I'm jealous of this

It's a rare award.

It's so good

It's so clear

I hope it's very

Ah...ah, thank you

My brother and mother said they didn't have any more questions to ask, so they came back with a reward

I'd like to congratulate you, I'm jealous too

My friend Minsik is really so kind

He doesn't know how to get angry

There's more than one or two times when I feel frustrated when I'm around him

But he always smiles and moves on He is a friend with a really good personality.

Minsik's father, who was working as a courier, sprained his back.

Still, the father could not take a break from work.

He asked strong Minsik, who was playing at home, for help.

Good Minsik willingly went out to help his father with his work.

When his father stopped the truck and told him where to deliver,

Minsik All you had to do was deliver it, so it wasn't difficult.

As I was getting used to the delivery job,

red letters saying 'Virgin Bodhisattva' were written on the window of a quiet residential area.

The smell of incense coming from the entrance made me feel a little scared, but

Minsik, who had to deliver, boldly rang the bell

Come in quickly

Come in quickly!

Before he could say delivery, the charismatic Highton came over the fence

and the front door opened with a clatter. Minsik

was a little embarrassed, thinking he might want to receive it in person,

but went in through the open door holding the delivery box in one hand.

But as soon as the shaman with scary makeup saw Minsik

he threw rice all over his face!

Why are you here now!?

I got a package on my face

Sprinkling rice on my face

Why are you here now!?

Minsik was surprised.

Yes...yes yes...?

Still, I came as quickly as possible...

If I hadn't come today...

Don't you know that we would all have died!?

Sit down!!!

Yes, yes... I'm sorry

Is Minsik angry because the delivery was late?

I was helping my father with his work, so I thought I should vent my anger.

I sat down and apologized, but the shaman was not angry.

Ah, wow! Wow... Wow...

Why is the smell so bad again!?

Seeing the shaman nauseating, Min-sik

said he must have smelled of sweat on his body and apologized again

I'm sorry...

I was busy...

Do you know why she left!?

Yes?

I don't have a girlfriend;;

That's the one you like!

That's...

No one likes it;;

Really?

Then the business is not going well!

I'm a high school student;;

Huh?

A...high school student?

About your delivery.

Ah~ Soy sauce and soy sauce arrived~

Soy sauce and crab~

The shaman who misunderstood Min-sik in civilian clothes as an adult received the delivery.

He said he was sorry for the misunderstanding and gave me some life advice for a while.

Actually...

I'm not good at this job either. That's not right

I don't really have anything else to do, so I keep working

There's time to study, too, man

Do it when you can

Perhaps because of the shaman's advice, Minsik studied really hard, but

his grades didn't go up

She was a high school classmate, and I was single since birth

Even though we call each other ugly and hate each other

As ugly as we are

I got a call from her one evening

I know you don't have anything to do, so why don't you come out quickly

Let's have pork belly and a bottle of soju with me

When I went out wearing a jumper for public sweats

she was already a little drunk

She looked even worse because she was drunk

I was thinking about spending her money

She looked like Shin Se-kyung

She was nibbling on pork belly and soju for a while

She asked in a loud voice with the speaker out of control

You!

Have you ever kissed?

Go away! Is there any sound you can't hear?

You're talking about big trouble

Where can a grown woman talk about kissing so carelessly?

You

I don't know if you've ever kissed~

Oh my~ Be embarrassed~

You've grown older and still haven't kissed?

That...

That...That

That...That that

Have you tried that?

Pay!

If you do it...

, you'll be very good at it!

I'm afraid I'll catch a contagious disease~

I don't do it on purpose~

There were a ton of girls who asked me to kiss them, but

because I don't have a good heart!

I can't say that... I feel bad

She and I stopped talking at that point and just drank alcohol

In the end, we both got drunk

I was walking down the alley after deciding to take her, who lived in the same neighborhood as me and a very safe girl,

home. He approached the couple like a zombie and muttered

...

...

I did it, I did it

I did it...

I did it, I did it, I did it

I did it, I did it!!!

The man looked like he was looking at his friend like rotten food waste.

He went away with his girlfriend.

He kept shouting behind the couple's back.

Come on! It’s so scary!!

When I go to your house, I have to brush my teeth!

Then, he suddenly sat down on the spot and started crying

Hhhhhhhhh

I want to try it too

I want to try being a drummer too

I want to try a ton of kisses

Uhhhhhhhhhhhh

I burst into tears too

We hugged and started crying

I cried for a while and then I looked at her

Our eyes met like in a movie

I told her why I did that

Ooh...

Ooh... ooh

Ooh... ooh We

Blah...

Hah... Should we kiss?

You...

Are you saying you have a bad heart?

Ah ah ah

Oh no!

That's that...

That's bullshit

My heart is strong as hell

Don't you know that I'm asking you to kiss me?

She said that women shyly nodded,

I looked up the

kiss on the Internet,

If I turn my head about 20 degrees to the left,

You did the opposite. If you turn it 20 degrees...

Yes, they said it would work.

She tilted her head excessively and said

This...

This... Is this right?

I don’t think so?

Just a little bit this way

Ah, I think it's done

If that's the case...

Now...

A...I'm going to go

Close your eyes

I closed my eyes and carefully finally placed my lips on hers

And quietly asked

Just when the bell rang in my head

Is that right?

It's too small... strange

The bell doesn't ring

Is this correct?

I heard this angle is the best?

She gave her opinion carefully

The way I see it...

I don't think the angle is the problem

Why...

Keep your tongue still?

I asked with a straight face

Heh...

Heh...tongue...

Heh...tongue...tongue?

Tongue

Why the tongue?

Tongue...

Tongue...Tongue...

Can I stick it out like this?

I stuck out my tongue like a dog on a hot summer day

At that moment, she suddenly violently grabbed my head with one hand like a bowling ball.

Very roughly! Refuse!

That day, for the first time, we had a proper kiss

A bell finally rang in my head, and

I opened my eyes in the middle of the day,

and was shocked to see my friend, so I closed them again

Even though I didn't want to admit the reality!

After that incident, we started kissing as if it was a hobby.

Would Manna give us a kiss?

Is that so?

We eventually started dating

She wasn't very pretty, but she taught me about love!

I really love you, but

I want you to brush your teeth and kiss me

I love you

When I was in the military, when new recruits arrived, the first thing we asked them was what their complex was

To give them a nickname

If you have a complex about having a big head, you have a complex, General Daegal

If you have a complex about being short, you give them nicknames like the Kim Hobbit

Well, we gave them nicknames like this.

That day, two new recruits came in and the senior sergeant asked

Hey!

What is your complex?

I have a complex about having big butts

Really? Wake up

Tsk~cha!

Wow, your butt is really huge, isn’t it?

Huh!? Butt Glamor, Butt Glamor

Your nickname is from today

Butt is everything, Eongman

Butt is everything, Eongman, did you know?

What is the most uncomfortable thing about having a big butt?

Eongman replied

To be honest, when I defecate, I have to hold it with both hands

and spread my buttocks

Hey, what is your complex?

I have a complex about having a long tongue

What tongue? Hold it out!

Wow, the tongue really goes all the way down to the chin?

Then you! Can you lick your elbow too?

Yes, there is!

Wow, awesome!

You are an anteater from today!

What is the most uncomfortable thing about having a long tongue?

What is the most inconvenient?

Then the anteater answered hesitantly.

Then an ant responded hesitantly. That's

While kissing my girlfriend, I stabbed her in the neck!

Kissing...

I once stabbed my girlfriend's uvula!

Even though it's been a long time, I still can't forget the anteater and the mess.

[Korean]

A군은 평소에 젓꼭지가 유달리 튀어나와

다른 사람들 사이에서 버튼이라는 별명으로 (불립니다)

(야 버튼!)

젓꼭지가 튀어나왔어요

그런데 어느 날 집에 있는데 여자친구에게 전화가 왔죠

자기야 오늘 놀이동산 가기로 했잖아~

내가 사준 그 커플티 꼭 입고 나와야 돼 이따 봐~

평범한 전화였지만 A군은 당황했습니다

왜냐면 그 커플티는 흰티였던 데다가...

너무 달라붙어 자신의 콤플렉스인 버튼이 보였기 때문이죠

이 핑계들 저 핑계 대며 입지도 않았는데

빼도 박도 못하게 된 A군은 머리를 굴렸습니다

그건 바로 반창고!

일반적으로 나오는 길쭉한거 말고

새로 나온 둥근 원형의 밴드였죠

A군은 당장 밴드를 가져다 버튼 위에 붙였고

옷을 입자 버튼은 마술같이 사라졌어요

만족한 A군은 그 옷을 입고 놀이동산에 갔습니다

마침 어느 중학교에서 소풍을 왔는지 중학생들이 가득했죠

여자친구는 너무 들떠서 좋아했고 이렇게 말했습니다

오빠~

롤러코스터 너무 타고 싶다

타자~

평소 겁이 많은 A군은 용기를 내서 롤러코스터로 갔습니다

그런데 앞뒤로 소풍온 중학생들이 와서는 A군은 좀 불편했죠

왁자지껄 떠들어대는 통에 데이트 분위기가 깨져서 기분 상해있었는데

두두두두두두 소리와 함께 위로 올라간 롤러코스터가

갑자기 달리기 시작했는데

그때! 그 시끄럽던 중학생이 갑자기

작은 패트병에 담긴 음료수를 꺼내더니

야 잘봐라 마신다!

하며 음료수 뚜껑을 열었던겁니다

아니나 다를까 내려가는 길목에서 음료수가 일부 날라 흘렀고

정말 운명의 장난처럼

버튼에 명중했죠

A군은 순간 자신의 가슴팍을 보고 기겁을 했습니다

살색 밴드이다보니 비친 버튼 부분이

밴드가 아니라 실제 왕버튼처럼 보이는 겁니다!

(밴드 자체가 버튼으로 보인거지!)

당황한 A군은

도착할 즘 여자친구가 보기 전에 옷 속으로 손을 넣어 반창고를 떼어냈습니다

밴드를 떼어내지만 차라리 그게 낫다고 생각한거죠

다행히 여자친구는 눈치채지 못했고

A군은 안도의 한숨을 내쉬고

그때 나가는 출구 쪽에서 떠들썩했습니다

야 저거봐 저거봐...

저거 진짜야!

대박이다 사람 거가 저렇게 클 수가 있어?

저거 사람 거야!?

불길한 마음에 내려다봤더니

롤러코스터가 막 내리막 할 때 사진을 찍어서 파는 코너가 있었습니다

사진을 찍어서 파는 코너

A군의 사진 한가운데 있었고

지나가던 사람들은 모두 그 사진 앞에서 구경을 하고

저게 사람 거야? 저거봐!

진~짜 크다!

남자께 어떻게 저렇게 커?

저 버튼좀 봐바!

우와~~~~

특히나 그 시끄러운 중학생들 관심을 독차지하고 있었죠

결국 그날 A군은 자유이용권을 끊어놓고

달랑 놀이기구 하나 타고 집으로 돌아왔습니다

대학교때 제 친구 J양은 학교에 4차원으로 소문난 K오빠를 짝사랑했어요

고백도 못하고 그저 혼자만 좋아하는 J양이 안쓰러워서

어떻게든 둘이 엮어주고 싶었죠

그러던 어느 날 기회가 왔어요

J양과 K오빠가 함께 있던 술자리

각종 술자리 게임들을 하던 와중에 기가막힌 작전을 짰죠

야 내가 너만 공격할테니까 일부러 지고

K오빠한테 흑기사를 해달라고해

바로 옆자리잖아

어떻게 그렇게 해...

그럴까?

흑기사 소원빌때 신.체.접.촉

으흐흣

기대된다

계획대로 J양은 벌주에 당첨됬고

저의 몰아주기 전법으로 K오빠가 흑기사가 되주는 것 까지 성공을 했어요

박차를 가해서

오빠 멋있다

흑기사 해줬으니까 소원 들어줘야지

J야 무슨 소원이든 들어줘야되는거 알지?

사람들은

소원

소원 소원

소원 소원 소원을 외쳤고

J양은 기대하며 K오빠의 소원을 기다렸죠

K오빠는

음

어 그럼

천원만

에?

어이가 없었어요

J양은 당황하며 지갑에서 천원을 꺼내줬어요

저는 다시한번 J양을 집중공격해서 벌주를 줬어요

또다시 K오빠는 폭탄주를 원샷했고 다시

소원

소원 소원

소원 소원 소원

소원 소원 소원 소원

근데 이 오빠가 또

음

천원만

우~~~

사람들이 야유를 보내자

아아 그래

그럼 이천원

그때 다른 선배가 답답해하며

야임마!

원래 흑기사 소원은 돈같은거 말고 상대방이 여기서 당장

몸으로 할 수있는 뭐임마 그런걸 비는거야

몸으로 할 수 있는거

아~

저와 J양은 기대했어요

음

그래 아...

그르크나...

그럼 음...

엎드려뻗쳐

에엫!?

J양은 호프집 의자를 짚고 엎드려뻗쳐를 했어요

정말 속이 터지더군요

너 도대체 저런 인간이 어디가 좋니?

뭐 저렇게 눈치가 없는 사람이 다있어?

그런데 어이없는 J양의 대답

엎드려뻗쳐중에 힘들어하며

으응...

그게 K오빠의 매력이야...

오마이갓 저는 마지막으로 더 한번 흑기사를 연결해줬고

K오빠 소원을 빌 준비를 했어요

그리고 아까 그 선배가 뭔가 확실한 방안을 제시했어요

얌마

소원으로 애 벌주지 말고

니가 애한테 어떻게 하는거 있잖아

여기서 단 둘이 할 수 있는거!

어!?

그러자 K오빠가

아하 그래 아 그거구나

한대만 맞자

K오빠는 주먹으로 여자애 팔뚝을 퍽소리나게 때렸어요

정말 어이가 안드로메다로 날라갔어요

저는 팔뚝을 쓰다듬고있는 J양에게 다시 물었어요

너 저한테 밑창(?) 미친거 아니니?

남자답지 않니?

그게 K오빠의 매력이야

정말 콩깍지의 힘이란 위대합니다

제 친구 겨울이는 겨땀이 대박인 아이었어요

왜 겨울이냐고요?

겨드랑이가 맨날 울어서

겨울이야

본명이 아니고요

겨드랑이가 맨날 우니까 겨울이

겨울이는 미팅을 몹시 가고 싶어 했죠

하지만 저희는 데려가지 않았어요

겨울이는 무슨 옷을 입어도

옆구리까지 겨땀으로 젖어버리기 때문입니다

그러던 어느날

그날도 저희는 미팅이 있었고

겨울이가 자신있는 모습으로 참여했습니다

어우 안돼 겨울아

오늘 덥대

야! 야! 야!

걱정들 하지마!

내가 겨드랑이 다 처리해써~

그때만 해도 데오드란트같은 제품이 대중화되지 않았던 시절

그런 겨울이의 방법이란

겨드랑이에다가...

스펀지를 끼웠어~

겨땀이 나도 스펀지가 몽땅 다 흡수해 줄 꺼야~

걱정 하지마~

듣기에는 그럴 듯 했습니다

그렇게 저희는 처음으로 미팅에 겨울이를 끼워줬고

겨울이의 계획은 성공적이었죠

미팅 30분이 넘도록 겨울이 겨드랑이가 울지 않았어요

겨울이 너~무 신이 나보였고

겨울이를 만난 이후 최고로 행복한 모습이었죠

그렇게 순조롭게 이어지던 미팅

분위기를 업하기 위해 게임을 하기로 했죠

그 게임은 바로...

369 게임이었어요!

3! 6! 9! 3! 6! 9! 3! 6! 9! 3! 6! 9!

369의 트레이드 마크 동작 아시죠?

팔꿈치를 접고 마치 날개처럼 어깨를 접었다 폈다 하는 그런 동작

그런데...그른데...

아 그런데!

그 동작을 할때마다 어디선가...

물총을 쏘는듯 한 소리가 들렸어요!

찍! 찍! 찍! 찍! 찍! 찍! 찍! 찍! 찍! 찍!

네...그 소리는 369 동작에서

겨드랑이가 접힐 때마다 스펀지가 쥐어 짜지는 소리...

겨땀이 물총처럼 발사되는 소리였어요

네...

그때 남자쪽 누군가가

어휴...

아유 저 겨...

겨울씨 자리에서 이게

천장에서 물 새는 거 아니에요?

아이고 옷이 다 젖었는데요?

아유 이거 물 새는건데?

어ㅇ...

모여있다 한번에 방출된 겨땀은 겨울이 상의를 한가득 적셨고

그날 미팅은 멸망했어요

대구시내에서 술취한 여성 두명이 택시에 탔대요

그런데 둘중 한명이 먼저 내렸고

남아있던 여자는 S중학교쪽으로 가달라고 했대요

문제는 목적지로 가는 중에 택시 안에서...

토를 완전 하고 완전히 뻗어버렸다고 합니다

손님! 손님!

정신 차리세요!

아...인나보세요 좀!

여자손님이라 몸을 흔들어 깨우지도 못하고

오빠는 결국 경찰을 불렀다고 해요

하지만 여전히 일어날 기미가 없어서

경찰이 손에 쥐고 있는 휴대폰으로

‘엄마’라고 저장된 곳에 전화를 걸었습니다

여보이소?

에 경찰입니다

지금 따님이 많이 취하셨거든요?

깨워도 안일어나고

어...어 뭐 그래서 어머니에게 이렇게 전화 드렸습니다

이런 미치겠...어휴 ㅉ

여기가 ㄱ...경북 경산인데요

여까지 좀 데려다 줄 수 있는교?

예? 죄송합니다

경산입니다 경산

집까지 와달라는 말에 오빠는 결국

대구에서 경산까지

택시에 여자분을 태우고 한참을 달려서 도착했죠

새벽인지라 아주 어두웠어요

차를 세우니까

어르신들 불이 나와 계셨는데요

어머니로 보이는 분이 술취한 여자분을 뒷좌석에서 끌어내리며

등짝을 미친듯이 때리셨죠

이 정신나간 가시나야 그냥 아주!

동네 챙피해가지고 못산다 못살아 아주그냥!

술 억수로 퍼먹고!

이 뭐하는 짓이가 이거 망할 가시나 그냥!

육두문자를 쏟아내시며 등짝을 진짜 살벌하게 때리시더니

그렇게 얻어 맞고도 눈도 못 뜨는 딸을 데리고 집으로 돌아가셨대요

아버지는 택시비를 계산한 뒤 차가 후진해서 나갈 수 있도록

오라이 오라~~~이 오라ㅇ...

오라? 아아 예 됬습니다

를 외치고 계셨는데

갑자기 어머니께서

집에서 급하게 뛰어나오시면서

여보!

우리 딸이 아닌데요?

아...

이 밝은데서 보니깐 여보!

우리 딸이 아니에요!

우리딸이 아닌데!?

밝은 형광등 아래에서 본 딸은...

생전 처음 보는 여자였던거에요

알고 보니까 손에 쥐고 있던 핸드폰은

먼저 내린 친구가 두고 내린거였죠

저희 회사는 회사 특성상 가끔 외국인들에게 전화가 와요

제 업무 역시 그 외국인들과 영어로 상담하는 일이에요

제 뒷자리에는 회계 담당 여직원이 있는데

그분한텐 영어공포증이 있습니다

외국인한테 전화가 오면

Hello? this is...

깊은 한숨 한번 쉬고 그냥 끊어버려요

그러던 어느날 그분이 영어를 배우기로 결심했다고 하더군요

그러더니 그분께선 어느샌가

모든 ㅍ 발음에 F 발음을 쓰기 시작하셨어요

아랫 입술을 깨무는 정확한 F 발음이 아니라

약간 ㅎ 발음이 들어가는...

진짜 웃으면 안 되지만 많이 웃기는 편이에요

대리님 오늘...

커휘...

커휘 원두가 떨어졌는데 사야 될 것 같아요

네...?

커휘 원두요

아...커피요?

대리님 복사기에...

에이훠 용지가 없네요

에이훠 용지요

네?

에이훠 용지요!

굳이 F 발음을 안 써도 되는 P 발음에도...

F 발음을 넣기 시작했어요

대리님 제가 보내드린...

워드 화일...

후린트 하셨어요?

굳이 프린트는 Print라 F 발음을 넣지 않아도 되는데 왜 그러실까...

혹시 나를 웃기려고 하시는 건데 내가 웃음 포인트를...

웃음 호힌트를 놓친 건가...

이때부터 맨붕이 왔어요

사건은 그날 터졌습니다

진짜 엄청나게 바쁜 하루였는데

서로 문서 작성하고 보내주고 수정하고 하는 작업을 하던 날이었죠

근데 여직원분께 제가 물었어요

혹시 아까 보내드린 파일이 다 됐나요?

어떤 화일이요?

아 아까 제가 메일로 보내드렸었는데 못 보셨어요?

아~ 그...

휘디에흐 화일이요?

휘디에흐

휘디에흐X2

순간 제가 잘못 들은 줄 알았어요

휘디에흐?

박진영씨가 말하던 공기 반 소리 반 소리를 여기서 듣는건가 하며

네? 뭔 파일이라고요?

아 그!

휘디에흐 화일!

화일 말씀하시는거 아니에요?

그분은 PDF 파일을 말씀하신 거였죠

희디에흐 화일

저 여기서 빵 터져서 진짜 숨죽이며 웃는데

잠시후 마지막 한방에 쓰러졌어요

저 오늘은 바쁘니까...

그냥 휘자나 시켜먹죠

어...오늘은...어...

훼훠로니 휘자!

훼훼...

훼훠로니 휘자!

훼훠로니

교정해주기엔 너무 멀리까지 와버린 우리 회사 여직원님

꼭 영어공부 성공하시길 빌게요

사무실에 오래 앉아있는 사무직이라 그런지 엉덩이에 종기가 났어요

그런데 종기가 앉아있지 못할 정도로 너무 아픈 겁니다

호두알 정도의 크기로...

(와 이건 종기가 아니네 이거는...종양이네)

땡땡 부어올라가지고 닿기만 해도 살짝 닿아도 아픈 겁니다

도저히 참을 수가 없어서 병원에 갔습니다

의사선생님께 엉덩이 종기를 보여줬더만

어허 이거 지금...

와...

이거...!

우와......

이거 저...

지금

수ㅅ...수술 해야겠습니다

어어ㅓㅓㅓㅓ우....하는 겁니다

수술이요!?

하고 놀라자

앗

뭐이 뭐...ㄱ...간단합니다 겁먹지 마세요

아이고 이거...

아 이거 종기를 짜야 되는데...

마취를 하면 거 상처가 잘 안 아무니까

아...이거 참

아아ㅏㅏ아.....

아파도 좀 참으셔야겠습니다

(굉장히 의사선생님이 난감해 하고 계시는군요)

하고 생살을 째는데 눈물이 나오더군요

엉덩이는 까고 눈물을 찔끔 찔끔 흘리면서 바지를 주섬주섬 입고 있는데

의사선생님이 처방전을 주시며 하는 말씀이

아 이게...

결혼 하셨어요?

네

아... 그럼 그 와이프한테 거

그거 있죠?

ㄱ...

아...이거 참 이거...

한 달에 한 번씩 그 마술 걸릴 때 쓰는 거 있잖아요

그거 달라고 해 갖고

내일은 상처에 그걸 붙이세요

넼!?

네...!?

아아...이거 참...

아 거 이상하게 생각하지 마시고

아아ㅏ아....

종기에 그것만큼 괜찮은 방법이 없어요

그것만큼...괜찮은 방법이 없습니다

그날 저녁 집에 와서 와이프한테 병원에서 일어난 일을 설명하고 달라고 했더니

깔깔 웃으면서

날개 달린걸로 줄까?

하면서 놀리더군요

그런데 다음날 출근하면서 그걸 붙이려고 했더만

저는 사각 속옷을 입어서...

주로 입어서 그렇게 생각처럼 잘 안 되거든요

사각 속옷은 헐렁한 관계로 고정이 안 되는 터라

그냥 반창고로 고정을 시키고 출근을 했죠

문제는 사무실에서 출근해서 부터였습니다

아프던 곳이 안아프다보니까 기분이 아주 좋더군요

즐겁게 일하는데 그날따라 보고할 것도 많고 바쁘더군요

앉았다 일어났다 하니 이것이 바지 속에서 마찰을 일으켰는지

뒤애...제 뒤에서 김대리가 그러더군요

과장님 바지끝에 뭐가 붙어있는데요?

하면서

아 칠칠맞게...제가 떼 드릴게요

하더만 바지 끝에 나온걸 쑥 빼버렸습니다!

그 순간 김대리 표정이 굳는겁니다

제가...

왜...왜그래 김대리?

하고 쳐다보는 순간 저도 기절할 뻔했습니다

그건 제가 아침에 붙인 그였습니다...날개형!

상처가 다 아물지 않은 터라 약간의 피가 묻어있고요

저는 김대리에게 아무 말도 하지 못하고 자초지종을 설명하려는데

벌써 돌아서 저만치 가버렸습니다

그 사건 이후로 저는 회사에서 변태가 되고 있습니다

전 그냥 엉덩이에 종기가 난 것뿐인데...

의사 선생님 억울해요

초3 담임이었던 친구는 여름방학 숙제로 자유연구라는걸내줬습니다

여기서 자유연구란

아이들이 주도적으로 가설을 세우고 분석 하면서

생각하는 힘을 기르고 상상력을 키울 수 있는 아주 좋은 학습 방법이죠

아이들에게 이건 의무가 아니고 하고 싶은 사람만 해오라고 했더니

스물여덟 명의 학생 중 달랑 세 명만 해왔대요

연구 주제를 확인하는데 부모님의 손길이 닿은 느낌이 다분했죠

블랙홀의 질량은 어떻게 계산할까

개미로 알 수 있는 계급사회의 문제점

아 이건 처음 의도와 다른데

그런데 마지막 연구 주제를 확인한 순간

이거야말로 아이들만의 순수하고 기발한 아이디어라고 느꼈대요

주제

사람은 입이 아닌 고추로 물을 마실 수 있을까?

주제를 정한 이유

수영장에서 물도 안마시고 놀았는데 오줌이 마려웠다

입이 아닌 몸으로 도물을 마실 수 있을 것 같다고 생각했다

연구방법이 나옵니다 이제!

실험 두시간 전에 물을 마시 지 않고 목욕탕에 몸을 담갔다

20분 만에 오줌이 마려웠다

(어 고추로 마셨네!)

목욕탕의 물을 반만 남기고 다리만 담갔다

하반신만~

한시간 뒤 오줌이 마려왔다

종이컵에 물을 담고

종이에...

종이에...종이에...

(으헤에엥ㅎ읗ㅇㅇ...)

(진정한 실험을 했구나!)

여기서 (진정한 실험을 했어!) 실험이 시작되요 이제

종이컵에 물을 담고

고추를 담갔다

두 시간이 지나도 오줌이 안마려웠다

연구 결과

실패!

실패 이유

아빠가 비뇨기과를 갔다

아버님이 피실험체였나 봅니다

(아 지게 한게 아니고?)

아빠 1시간만 담그고 있어봐

아버님이 피실험체였나 봅니다

부모님의 손길 대신 다른 것이 닿은 연구덕분에

기발한 상상력을 실현시킬 수 있었네요

지금은 평안하신지 궁금합니다

여중, 여고를 나오면 한번쯤 듣거나 보셨을 겁니다

바바리맨

아주 추운 겨울이었어요

여자 중학교에 있었던 일이에요

그날은 눈이 많이 내려서

바닥에 쌓인 낭만적인 겨울이었어요

그런데 그날 초짜 바바리맨이...

추위에도 아랑곳하지 않고 우리 학생들 앞에 불현듯 방문했어요

아아아앜!!!

그때 학교에 유난히 정의감 불타는 총각선생님 한 분이 계셨어요

선생님은 교문 밖 지도를 하시다가

문제의 광경을 목격했습니다

그리고 정의감에 불타셔서

야 스꺄!!

야!!

정의감 넘치는 선생님이 육상선수처럼 따다다다다다

바바리맨에게 달려가기 시작했어요

바바리맨은 이런 상황까지 계산을...

못 했는지

교문쪽을 향해 뛰어오시는 선생님을 피해서

학교 안으로 달려갔어요

바바리맨과 선생님은 눈 쌓인 운동장을 하염없이 돌았어요

아름다운 광경이었습니다

야! 너 거기 안 서 임마!?

그러다 바바리맨이 발을 헛딛는 바람에 미끄러져서 눈밭에 벌러덩 넘어졌어요

하필 뒤로 넘어지는 바람에

앞면이 하늘로 향했어요

아이들이 몰려들기 시작했고

정의감에 불탄 선생님은 마지막 순간까지 우리를 지켜주기 위해

혼신의 힘을 다했습니다

하얀 눈을 바바리맨의 중요 부위에 퍼다부으며

안돼!!

애들이 보면 안돼!

앗차...앗차가! 앗차가워!

아차거 이러면 안돼여!

선생님은 아랑곳하지 않고 계속 눈으로 주위를 덮으면서

얘들아 눈 감아! 안돼!

앗차거! 여기 차가워여!!

바바리맨은 차가워서 계속 눈을 치우고

선생님은 다시 덮고!

중요부위에 눈을 덮고 치우고!

안돼!

#$%@#$??

운동장의 사투는 몇 분 동안 계속되었습니다

고3 담임을 맡고 있던 제 친한 선생님은

아줌마와 같이 친근하고 편안한 총각선생님인데요

하루는 어떤 학부모님께서 멋지게 차려입으시고 교무실에 오셨습니다

여기가...

여기가...3학년 교무실인가요?

예 맞습니다

어느 선생님 찾아오셨나요?

이

이 거 얌 선생님 찾아왔습니다

예? 이 학교에는 그런 선생님 안계시는데요?

그래요?

정말 죄송합니다

하고 가셨어요

그리고 얼마 후 다시 찾아오셨어요

아들이 이 교무실 맞다고 하는데 진짜 안계신가요?

어머니는 간절해보였고 선생님은 도와드리고싶은 마음에

혹시 아드님이 몇학년 몇반인가요?

3학년 ○반입니다

어!?

제가 담임인데요?

'이거얌'선생님 아니세요?

전...

정○○이라고 합니다

이상하네요 저희 아들이 '이거얌'선생님이라고 했는데

하면서 문자를 보여주셨는데 내용이 이렇슷ㅂ니다

우리학교 선생님중에 별명이 '빠꼼이'가 있었어요

야자시간 감독할때

뒷문만 빠꼼히 열어보는 선생님이라서 그런 별명이 붙었는데요

빠꼼이 선생님도 성깔이 녹록지는 않으셨죠

하루는 제 친구가 야자시간에 만화책을 보고있었어요

그런데 마침 그날 빠꼼이 선생님의 감독날이었고

교실문을 빠꼼히 열어보시는 선생님을 느끼지 못한 그 친구는 딱 걸린거죠

만화책을 뺏기고 온갖 사정을 다해봤지만 소용이 없었습니다

그렇게 만화책을 뺏겨버린 그 친구는 매우 화가나서 집에가서 온갖 짜증을 냈대요

어우 진짜 빠꼼이 짜증나!

어우 빠꼼이!

빠꼼이땜에 진짜 짜증나!

그걸 계속 듣고있던 친구어머니는

왜그러니?

빡고미?

그게 뭔데? 뭐땜에 그래?

하셨고

친구는 엄마에게 만화책보다가 야자시간에 걸려서 그렇단 말은 차마 못하고

그런게 있어

좀 짜증나는 선생님이 있어서 그래

라고 얼버무렸댑니다

그러자 친구어머니는 그 친구가 선생님과의 마찰로 인해서

학교생활에 어려움이 있는건 아닌가 걱정을 하신거죠

그리고 다음날 청소시간이 지난 후

교무실 청소담당 친구들로부터

친구어머니의 소식을 전해들을수가 있었습니다

한손에 과일바구니를 하나 드시고 단정하게 차려입으신 학부모님이

교무실에 들어와서는 이렇게 말씀하셨대요

저...

실례지만...

여기 '박곰희' 선생님 계신가요?

지루한 수업 뒤에 찾아온 달콤한 휴식시간

친구가

급 방귀가 마렵다고 하더군요

그 소리를 들은 다른 친구가

야

방구도 소리니까 음성검색이 되겠지?

그러면서 최신 핸드폰을 가져다가

친구 엉덩이에 대는거예요

소리가 꽤 길게 이어졌어요

순간 핸드폰 액정에는

홍어

홍어라고 검색되었습니다

냄새검색 아니야? 냄새검색?

홍어

ㅋ

ㅋㅋ

ㅋㅋㅋ

ㅋㅋㅋㅋ

ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

저를 비롯한 많은 아이들은 그 친구에게

야 방구좀 제때제때 배출할 것이지 임마

얼마나 뱃속에서 삭아있으면 홍어라고 검색이 되냐?

그러고 타박을 올렸습니다

그 친구 별명은 홍방

홍어방구의 준말이 되었어요

근데 너무 웃긴거는

음성검색을 제안한 친구가 집에서 자기 방구를 음성검색 해봤대요

짧고 굵게

뿍! 꼈는데

음성검색에

Book

책이라고 나왔대요 책

책

책

홍어방구와 책방구가 있었군요

고3 여름

주변에서 고3은 수능 시험 준비를 해야 한다는 소문이 들려서

큰 맘 먹고 독서실을 등록하게 되었어요

독서실은 매우 조용한 곳이었어요

(이 사람 뭐하는 사람이야;;)

그래서 저는 대부분의 시간을

이곳은 왜 이렇게 조용한 것일까?

나름 고민을 하며 보냈어요

독서실 안은 너무 답답해서

독서실 올라가는 계단에서 주로 고민을 했어요

그러던 어느날 밤 10시경

늘 그랬듯이 계단에 쪼그려 앉아

이곳은 왜 이렇게 조용한 것일까?

에 대해 고민하며 창밖을 바라보는데

맞은편 건물의 어두컴컴한 창가에 서 있는

정체 모를 한 남자와 눈이 마주쳤어요

남자는 무표정한 얼굴로 저를 응시하는 듯 하더니 이내 사라졌어요

그런데 다음날 저녁

이번엔 또다른 남자가 같은 창가에서 저를 응시하고 서있었어요

눈이 마주치자 또 사라졌어요

왠지 오싹했어요

그런데 다음날도 그 다음날도 그 창가엔

남자들이 무표정한 얼굴로 나타나

가끔씩 보일 듯 말 듯 한 웃음을 보이고는 사라져

저를 더욱 섬뜩하게 만들곤 했어요

그렇게 한달의 시간이 흘렀을 때

저는 용기내어 의문의 남자들이 출몰하던 건물의 창가에

가보기로 마음을 먹었어요

남자들이 나타났던 곳은 3층 창가

한층 한층 올라갈수록 두려움은 커져만 갔어요

쿵쾅거리는 가슴을 가라앉히며

창문이 위치한 방향을 향하는 순간

부서질듯 보이는 문을 발견했습니다

음산한 분위기가 감돌던 그 문을 조심스럽게 여는 순간

우와아아아아앜!!!!!

제가 본 그 창문이 그곳에 있었어요

남자 소변기 바로 위에요

그렇습니다

수없이 보았던...

수없이 봤던 무표정한 얼굴과

보일 듯 말 듯 한 미소...

남자는 거기서 볼일을 보고있었던 거예요

소변기에 섰을 때

얼굴의 위치가 정확히 창밖을 향하게 되었던거죠

그 뒤로 독서실 계단 창가에 왠지 민망해진 저는

독서실에 앉아 공부를 시작했지만

이듬해

재수를 했어요

집에 아무도 없길래 컴퓨터를 키고 해야할일을 했습니다

야동이요

첫장면부터 영화를 즐기듯이 천천히 감상에 들어갔죠

그런데

뭐하니?

갑자기 방문을 열고 엄마가 나타난거에요

이미 엄마는 모니터를 보고 있었어요

그 찰나 순간

저는!

어어 ㅎ...ㅎ...

어어 ㅎ...ㅎ...화상통화인데 일본친구야

야동의 도입부라 여자의 자기소개같은 장면이 있었는데

여자가 저를 정면으로 쳐다보는 장면이라 그럴싸했어요

아 화상통화

어머 니가 일본친구도 다있니?

전 잠깐 전화연결이 끊겼다며 정지화면을 눌렀고

식은땀을 흘리며 엄마 눈치를 살피니

다행히 믿는 눈치였어요

엄마는 모니터속 여자를 보고 말했습니다

어머 착하게 생겼네

뭐하는 아가씨야?

어어 어...

그 ㅂ ㅂ ㅂ ㅂ...보...

봉사 봉사같은거 해 엄마

외롭고 힘든 사람한테

외롭고 힘든 사람들한테 봉사하고 뭐 그런 아가씨야

어 좋은 일을 하는 아가씨구나

그렇게 고비를 넘긴 며칠 뒤

밖을 나가는데 갑자기 엄마가 저를 불렀어요

그리곤 아주 밝은 목소리로

너 전에 화상통화하던 일본애 있잖니

음 진지한 사이니?

니 동생한테도 벌써 소개시켜줬어?

니동생도 걔랑 화상통화하는거 같던데

본래대로라면 동생이 저한테 소개시켜줬거든요?

사실대로 말할수가 없었어요

야동볼땐 자나깨나 문단속

닫힌문도 다시보자

저는 공부하는 전혀 취미가 없었어요

학교에 놀러 간다는 생각으로 다녔어요

아침 8시에 만화책방에 들려 하루에 10권 정도 만화책을 빌려

교과서 대신 가방을 채워서 다녔어요

하루에 10권 정도씩 만화책을 빌리려면 대여료가 만만치 않았어요

자체 만화 대여점을 열었지요

한권에 100원씩 받고 돌렸습니다

매일매일 이렇게 하다 보니 만화책 값도 벌고

벌이가 잘 될 때는 밥값 정도까지 버는 건 문제없었어요

그러던 어느 날 만화책도 거의 웬만한 건 다 봐서

19금 야한 만화를 빌려갔어요

화근이 됐죠

남고이다보니 폭발적인 반응이었어요

부자가 되는건 시간문제였습니다

그렇게 5교시 지구과학시간까지 우리 반에서

그 만화책을 대여료 200원으로 올렸어도

식을 줄 몰랐어요

한 아이가 그 만화책을 보다가 선생님에게 딱 걸렸어요

지구과학 선생님은

기독교 광신자로 유명한 선생님이었어요

지구과학 선생님은 만화책을 뺏고 그 아이를 앞으로 불러 세웠습니다

그러더니 만화책을 펼쳐 보고 손을 부들부들 떠는 거예요

그때 선생님께서 갑자기 눈물을 보이 시며

교실 바닥을 혼자 뒹구시더니

일어나셔서는

이런 먼지는 털어낼 수 없어

이런 먼지는 털어낼 수 없어(X) 있어(O)

하지만 너의 머릿속에 들어간 그 그림!

이것은 씻어낼 수가 없다!

이렇게 말씀하시고

친구의 머리를 붙잡고

주여!

주여! 주여!

주여! 주여! 주여!

기도는 수업이 끝날 때까지 계속 됐어요

드디어 수업끝 종이 울리고

이제는 다 끝났겠거니 했는데

그 친구를 지구과학실로 데리고 가는 거예요

6교시가 끝난 뒤에도 그 친구는 오질 않았어요

7교시 시작 전 그 친구가 교실로

퀭한 눈으로 걸어들어왔어요

그러더니 저에게 미안해

미안해;;

못 견디겠어서 불었어;;

너 데리고 오래;;

이렇게 해서 저도 지구과학실로 불려갔습니다

문을 열고 들어가자 퀴퀴한 탄 냄새

그렇습니다

제 만화책이 불타고 있었어요

저는 만화책 걱정을 하고 있는데

갑자기 선생님이 만화책 재를 다 모아

손으로 고이 모으시더니

자

마셔라

하는 겁니다

저는 당황해서

선생님이 이걸 어떻게 마셔요;;

그래야 너의 죄가 씻길 수 있다!

하시는 겁니다

저는 황당했어요

잿더미를 먹으라니요

어떻게든 그 상황을 넘겨야 했습니다

그때 친구가 제 팔을 툭 치더니 찬송가를 불렀어요

마귀들과 싸울지라 죄악을 벗어 형제여♬

저도 함께 박수를 치며 친송가를 불렀습니다

영~광 영광 영광 영~광~♬

그렇게 저희들 찬송을 들으신 선생님은 용서해 주셨어요

꼭 대신 매 수업시간 시작 전

회개의 증거로 찬송가를 하나씩 부르기로 합의하구요

매주 목요일 5교시 저희는 찬송가를 열심히 불렀습니다

덕분에 수능은 말아먹었어요

이제는 그 선생님께 말할 수 있어요

저희는 마귀가 아니라 단지 건장한 남자였어요!

끝났습니다

어느 날 군대 간 친구 오재한테서 전화가 왔어요

야 나 편지가 한 통도 안 온다

창피해 죽겠어

그래서 여자친구 있다고 뻥쳐놨는데

니가 내 여자친구인 척하고 꽃 편지 좀 보내줘

오케이 알았어

내가 절절하게 널 그리워하는 여친 컨셉으로

한통 보내줄게

저는 이쁜 꽃분홍 편지봉투에

여자 글씨체로 딱 한 줄만 적어서

오재에게 보냈어요

'오빠'

'오빠 나 임신했어'

이 편지로 오재의 군생활은 완전 판타스틱 해졌습니다

오재가 전화로

야~~

야~~이

이ㅏ몬ㅇ럄농ㅎㄹ;ㅐㅁㄴㅇ

@#$%@#$%

욕을 막 한거에요

너 땜에 나 지금 임신범으로 완전 찍혔어

지금 전 부대에 소문이 다 나갖고 여기저기 불려 다니느라 죽겠단 말이야

이 삐리리리야

어떡할거야 이 삐리리리리야

알았어 알았어 화내지마

내가 다시 편지 보낼게

저는 다시 꽃편지를 보냈습니다

이번에도 딱 한 줄만 넣었어요

'오빠'

'오빠 근데~'

'오빠 근데~'오빠 아이 아니야'

이 편지로 오재의 군생활은 완전히 폈습니다

전 부대를 통틀어서 오재보다 불쌍한 사람이 없었어요

너무 불쌍해서 작업 열외는 기본이고

선임들도 엄청 잘해줬대요

쟤는 탈영할지도 모른다고

오빠애는 아닌데 임신했는데

오빠애는 아니고

어떻게 된 거야 지금

심지어 대대장님이 직접 불러서 위로까지 해줬대요

휴가 나온 오재는 제 덕에 군생활 편해졌다고

무척이나 고마워했습니다

우태의 겨드랑이털은 10.7cm입니다

그래서 우리들은

그래서 우리들은 우태를

그래서 우리들은 우태를 10.7이라고 부릅니다

우태의 겨털은

매직파마를 한 듯 부드러웠고

찰랑거린듯이(?) 길게 뻗어있습니다

우태는 긍정적인 아이였기 때문에 그런 자신의 겨털을 사랑했습니다

꽤 오래전의 일입니다

우태와 사우나를 갔는데 우태가 갑자기 저를 불렀어요

야

내가 개인기 하나 보여줄까?

뭐 개인기?

뭔데?

잠깐만 기다려봐

잠시 후 우태는 왼쪽 겨드랑이에 물을 흠뻑 묻히더니

물에 젖은 겨털을 가슴과 팔 사이에 꺼내고

잘봐

그리고나서 우태의 오른손을 이용해 털을 곱게 펴더니

손가락으로 젖은 겨털을 몸에 붙이며

활짝 핀 콫을

꽃을 표현하는거였습니다

어때?

어때? 이쁘지?

어때? 이쁘지? 이쁘지?

우태의 겨털을 10.7센칩니다!

이쁘지?

그건 마치 한 폭의 수묵화를 보는 듯 했습니다

만개한 검은 꽃 한송이는

우태의 겨드랑이에 곱게 자리잡고 있었습니다

그런 밝은 아이었던 우태에게 소개팅이 잡혔습니다

여자에게 자신의 강력한 팔근육을 과시하고싶었던 우태는

소개팅날 소매가 유난히 짧은 반팔티을 입고 나타났습니다

야 너 장난 아니다 왜 이게 웬 근육 와~

오늘을 위해 준비했어

야 죽인다 괜찮다

흐뭇한 대화를 이어가던 중

우태의 이두박근 근처에 삐쭉 튀어나온

10.7센치를

10.7센치를 발견하고 만겁니다

야임마!

너 겨털 임마↘ 겨털 임마!↗

답답해진 저는 소릴쳤고 이대로 소개팅에 나갈 순 없었습니다

아 어쩔 수 없다 짜르자

내가 가위 사올게

안돼!

난 내 겨털을 사랑해!

울부짖는 우태의 10.7 사랑을 이미 알고있었기 때문에

전 가위대신 투명 박스 테이프를 샀습니다

겨털을 테이프로 봉인한거죠

감쪽같았어요 완벽해 보였어요

그런데 성공적으로 소개팅을 마치고

우태는 그녀와의 산책을 했습

하게됬습니다

더운 여름날 산책은 테이프 안에 봉인됬던 겨털에겐 무리였습니다

우태의 겨드랑이 땀은

땀으로 젖어가고 있었고

땀에 젖은 테이프는 접착력을 잃어가고

빠끄

밖으로 빠져나오기 시작했습니다

그녀가 갑자기 우태를 보며 외쳤습니다

오모 오빠 이게 뭐에요?

옷 안쪽에 테이프같은게 있는데 잠깐만요

미쳐 말릴 틈도 없이 그녀는 테이프를 뜯어냈습니다

아

아아

아아아

아아아아

아아아아아

아아아아아아

아아아아아아아

아아아아아아아아

아아아아아아아아아

아아아아아아아아아아!

어머 이게 뭐야

어머 이게 뭐야아

어머 이게 뭐야아아

어머 이게 뭐야아아아

어머 이게 뭐야아아아아

어머 이게 뭐야아아아아아

어머 이게 뭐야아아아아아아

그녀는 겨드랑이를 부여잡고 쓰러져있는 우태를 버리고

멀리 뛰어 가버렸습니다

아 저기 이거 그게 이게 아니고요!

이거 저기 그게 아니고요!

우태는 지금도 솔로입니다

저는 인터넷 중고거래 사이트에서 뭐...

싸고 쓸만한 게 있나 눈팅을 자주 합니다

성수역에서 친구를 기다리다가 시간이 남길래 사이트를 보는데

정말 저를 의아하게 만든 판매글 하나가 눈에 띄었어요

제목이 이랬어요

성수역 5만원을 4만원에 팝니다

처음엔 좀 이해가 안됐어요

5만원을 4만에 판다?

무슨 암호인가?

호기심에 저는 글을 눌러보니까

현금 5만원을 4만원에 팝니다

급하게 파니까 성수역 바로 오실 수 있는 분만 연락주세요

내용을 봐도 이해가 안 됐어요

5만원을 4만원에 판다니

저는 결국 호기심에 문자를 보냈습니다

현금 5만원을 현금 4만원에 파시는겁니까?

네 그렇습니다

성수역이십니까?

네 지금 성수역이거든요

근데 왜 파세요?

근데 곧 돌아온 답변을 보고 빵터졌어요

사실은...

화장실에서 실수로 5만원권에 똥이 좀 묻었습니다

그래서 이 5만원권을 4만원에 파는거고요

직접 오셔서 들고 가서 씻으셔야 됩니다

너무 웃겨서 꺽꺽대고 있을 때

재촉 문자가 왔습니다

사실거죠?

일단 실물을 확인하시면 반품 안됩니다

너무 웃겼지만 일단 최대한 정중한 어투로 거절의 문자를 날렸습니다

죄송합니다 못사겠습니다

그러자 갑자기 그분이

3만5000원에 드리겠습니다

접혀있기 때문에 생각보다 혐오감이 크진 않습니다

마침 친구가 도착해서 친구에게 설명을 해줬고 둘이서 또 한바탕 웃는데

웃던 친구가 진지하게

야 그거 내가 살까?

야 뭐? 그걸 왜사?

아 그냥 비닐 들고가서 담아오고

집에 가서 어떻게든 대충 뭐 씻으면 될 것 같지 않어?

농담이 아니었는지

친구는 진짜로 제 휴대폰으로 잠시 후 답장을 보냈습니다

알겠습니다 제가 사겠습니다

저는 미친놈이라고 옆에서 엄청 웃고 있는데

죄송합니다 팔렸습니다

죄송합니다 방금 팔렸습니다

그 짧은 1,2분사이에 팔리다니

누가 사갔을까요?

친구들이랑 술을 마시고 있는데 친구 선배라는 사람이 왔어요

합석해서 술을 마시는데 이 선배가 자꾸 저를 건드리는거예요

야~

까불지마!

내가 누군지 알아 임마?

아 이자식

아 이자식 ㅉ...

야!!

'안산타이거'야 임마

안산 호랭이 임마

안산 호랭이 임마 ㅉ...

동네에서 내 이름 말하면 모르는 사람이 없어 임마

안산타이거!

저 아무 말도 안했는데요;;

넌 생긴게 짜증나 임마 아으씨~

이러면서 덩치가 작은 저를 무시하고 때리는 시늉하고 막 까불기 시작하더군요

저는 참다참다 화가 머리끝까지 나서

야 너 나와 이자식아!

안산타이건지 안산타이언지

맞짱한번 뜨자 이 &$!#%야!

둘이 자리를 박차고 일어나자

친구들은 안산타이거 형님을 양쪽으로 붙잡고 말리고

저는 겁이나서 금방 화가 풀렸어요

살짝 찌그러져 있는데

형님은 아직도 분을 못이겨서 친구들한테 붙잡힌채

놔!

야 놔 이자식아!

이 손 놓으라고!

나 아무짓도 안할거니까 이손 놓으라니까!?

이 손 안놔?

얼른놔!

안떄린다고 놓으라고!

그럴수록 친구들은 더 손을 붙들고있었고

안산타이거는 더욱 난리를 쳐댔어요

마치 한마리의 포효하는 호랑이같았습니다

놓치면 바로 달려들 기세였죠

그런데 갑자기 형님이 거의 애원하듯 울듯이

제발좀 놔...

놔달라고 ㅠㅠ

하는 동시에

네 싸신거예요

순간 정적이 흐르고 안산타이거 형님은 울음섞인 목소리로

거봐 놔달라고 했잖아...

술자리에서 표정이 안좋은 후배에게

무슨일이 있냐고 물었더니 꿈얘기를 해주더라고요

꿈에 인자한 노인 여섯분이 나오셨는데

후배를 보고 환하게 웃으시더랍니다

필시...

필시...나를...

필시 나를 이쁘게 여긴 조상님들이 내 꿈에 찾아오셨구나 싶었대요

그 여섯분의 조상님은

숫자 하나씩을 말해줄테니

잘 듣고 잊지말게

라고 당부하시더랍니다

이게 말로만 듣던 복권 1등 꿈이구나!

후배는 기분이 좋아서 정신을 바짝 차리고 귀를 기울이고 들었어요

그리고 여섯개의 숫자를 말해준 조상님들은 사라지시고

후배는 꿈에서 깼다고 하더군요

그래서 저는

야 그럼 복권 사면 되잖아

숫자를 못들었어? 까먹었어?

아니...들었어...

기억도 나...

아니 근데 뭐가 문제야?

한분씩 차례차례 말씀하신게 아니고...

동시에 이구동성 게임처럼...

(하나 둘 셋)

@#$%!!!

그렇게 하고 동시에 숫자를 외치시더니 가버리셨다는거예요

못알아들었다고 ㅠㅠ

이게 운이 좋은건가요 드럽게 없는건가요

주말에 교회에 가서 예배를 보기전에 화장실에 갔어요

근데 제 옆칸에 어떤 할머니가 들어오시더니

큰일을 보면서

아앍!

아으앙읅으으읔으으아읅...

아으앟 앜 읋...

이런 신음소리를 내는거에요

아무래도 극심한 변비를 앓고 계신듯했어요

한참을 할머니께서

앜!

아아앍!

아아아아앟아으아으아흐킄아흙

신음을 내뱉으시더니 뭐라고 중얼중얼 거리는거에요

주여

잘 나오게 해주시옵소서

기도로써 힘을 주시어

고통은 거두어 가시고

주님의 은혜로

부디 잘 나오게 해주시옵소서

똥싸다가 잘나오게 해달라고 기도를 하시는거에요

저는 민망함과 동시에 너무 웃겨서 혼자 큭큭대고있는데 갑자기

주여!

퐁당!

퐁당! 소리가 나더니

감사합니다 주여!

더이ㅅ...

더이ㅅ...저는 더이상 참을수가 없어서 완전 크게 웃고

할머니께서 민망하실까봐 빨리 화장실을 나와서 예배를 드렸어요

너무 더워서 친구들이랑 물놀이를 가기로 했어요

멤버는 남자 셋, 여자 셋

커플여행이었어요

저는 남친 앞에서 섹시한 여친 포스를 보여주고 싶어서

밥을 굶었어요

며칠 전부터 밥을 굶었어요

그리고 거울 앞에서 새로 산 비키니 수영복을 입어봤어요

배가 쏙 들어간게 완벽한 S라인!

그때 엄마가 방으로 들어왔어요

아우 깜짝이야!

얘가 왜 다 벗고 뭐하는 짓이야!?

이쁘지? 엄마 이쁘지? 엄마 나 섹시하지 않아?

아휴 이놈의 기집애가 큰일 날 소리 하고 있어!

손바닥만한 천쪼가리를 한 장 걸치고 어딜 돌아댕길라고해?

당장 위에 뭐라도 걸쳐!

아 싫어 내가 이거 입으려고 며칠을 굶었는데

야이 정신나간 기지배야!

엄마가 누누이 말했지?

남자가 섬 가자고 하면 절대 가지 말고!

어?

혹여 가더라도 부라자끈 조심하라고!

(아우 어머니...)

(아우 마음가짐을 조심해야죠 어머니)

(브라자끈을 왜 조심해요 어머니)

내가 그날 니 아빠랑 섬만 안갔어도...

아니 그날 소주만 안마셨어도...

내가...

브라자끈만 안 흘러내렸어도!

(이런 트라우마가 있군요...이런 트라우마가 있어서)

브라자끈을 조심해!

덜컥 제가 생기는 바람에 어린 나이에 결혼한 엄마는

딸한테 그런 일이 또 생길까봐 늘 노심초사였어요

이번엔 친구들이랑 다 같이 가는거니까 별 일 없을 거라고

안심을 시키고 간신히 허락을 받았죠

드디어 펜션에 도착

바다에 나가려고 수영복을 갈아입는데 고민이 됐어요

(엄마 말대로 뭘 걸쳐야 되나...)

그런데 같이 간 친구들이 모두 쌔끈한 비키니를 입는 거예요

저만 질 수 없어서 비키니를 입기로 했죠

그런데 옷을 벗는 순간...

전 괴성을 지르고 말았어요

허어어어어엌!

저희 가슴 바로 아래 명치 부분에

밥두껑만한 뻘건 멍자국 세개가 나란히 찍혀 있는거예요

도대체 어떻게 된 일이지?

멘붕상태로 엄마한테 전화를 했어요

엄마 이거 어떻게 된거야?

왜 ㅁ...멍이 들었어?

너 잘 때 내가 부항 떠놨다

부라자끈을 조심해야 돼!

뭘 걸쳐! 부항 떠놨어!

결국 전 엄마의 바람대로 물에 젖어도 비치지 않는

짙은 초록색 티셔츠를 입고 물놀이를 했습니다

저랑 아주 친한 여동생이 있어요

4년을 사귀던 남자친구와 행복한 결혼을 하기로 했고

드디어 기다리던 신혼여행을 가게 됐죠

여동생은 신혼 첫날밤을 위해 많은것을 준비했죠

향수

와인

누가봐도 섹시한 속옷

먼저 남편이 샤워를 마치고 나왔을 때

우아한 분위기를 낼 수 있는 와인과 안주

촛불을 켜놓았죠

여동생도 욕실에서 구석구석 샤워를...

구석구석 샤워를 하고

야심차게 준비한 섹시한 속옷을 입었어요

평상시 안 입던 속옷이라 뭔가 어색하다고 느꼈지만

원래 섹시한 속옷은 이런가보다 생각하고

위에 목욕 가운을 걸치고 나갔다고 해요

촉촉한 모습의 동생을 본 남편은 분위기가 한참 고조되어서

어서 침대로 향하길 권유했다고 하네요

그래서 여동생이 쑥스럽게 가운을 벗었는데

그런데...

그른뒈......

섹시한 여동생의 모습을 보고 황홀해야 할 남편이 글쎄

크게 웃으면서 마시고 있던 와인을

여동생 얼굴에 뿜었다고 해요

누가 봐도 아주 글래머러스하고 섹시한 동생의 몸매인데

화가 난 동생은 자존심이 상해서 가운을 다시 입고 따졌어요

도대체 왜 그러는 거야?

내 몸매가...그렇게 웃겨?

누가 봐도 좋다고 하는 몸...몸맨데

정말 자존심 상해!

야...너!

지금 팬티에 앞뒤가 바뀌었잖아

동생이 야심차게 준비한 속옷은

티팬티였ㄴ...

난생 처음 입어보는 동생은 티팬티 앞뒤가 헷갈려서 그만

팬티를 거꾸로... 입고 나갔던 거예요

앞이 뒤로 가고 뒤가 앞으로 오고

동생은 남편에게 평생 잊지 못할 신혼 첫날밤을 남겨주었다고

그날의 악몽을 다시는 기억하고 싶지 않다고 하네요

(어우 이게...)

(웃기도 뭐하고 그러네요)

(네...)

직장 동료 언니가 점 보러 가는걸 따라갔었는데

진짜 웃긴 점쟁이를 보고 왔어요

언니는 그냥 애들 때문에 점 보러 온 건데

점쟁이에게 점을 보러 방에 들어가자마자 대뜸 이러는 거예요

남편이 바람을 피고 있구나

예? 저희 남편이요?

그럴리가요

누가 바람을 다~ 알게 핀대?

니가 몰라서 그렇지

지금 바람을 피우고 있어!

어머머...정말이에요?

이 점쟁이 워낙에 용하단 말을 듣고 간 터라 언니는 좀 불안해했죠

그런데 바로 점쟁이가 너무 쉽게 해답을 말해주는 거였죠

진짜 아주 뻔하게요

부적 한 장을 쓰면 괜찮아

부적이요?

그래

부적 한 장만 쓰면 모두 깔끔하게 해결될 거야

얼만데요?

100만원

예!?

100만원이요?

어이없는 가격에 저희가 놀라니까

점쟁이가 이렇게 으름장을 놓는 거예요

빨리 써야돼!

안그럼 니 남편이

그 여자랑 두 집 살림을 가리고 애까지 낳을 거야!

엄머머...어우...

전 말도 안 된다는 생각을 했는데

워낙 이 언니가 귀가 얇은 언니라 흔들리려고 막 하는 거예요

그런데 100만원은 가격이 너무 쎄니까 언니가

아니...100만원이라니 너무 비싸요

한 5만원짜리 부적은 없어요?

5만원짜리 부적도 있어

근데 5만원짜리 부적을 쓰면

남편이 계속 바람을 피다 두집 살림을 차리지

예? 그럴거면 부적을 왜 써요?

그 대신 애는 낳지 않아

두 집 살림을 하긴 하는데

5만원짜리 부적을 쓰면 애까지는 안낳아

예에에?

그럼...혹시 10만원짜리는요?

10만원짜리를 쓰면 두 집 살림은 안하지

대신 주말마다 너 몰래 나가서 바람을 피고 다닐거야

어머머머머머

한 그럼...30만원...짜리는요?

어?

바람은 피지만...

주말엔 그래도 집에 있을 거야

그럼 50만원 정도를 쓰면요?

어...?

어....ㅁ....

음.....ㅁ.....

가끔씩 바람을 피울걸?

한 달에 한 두 번 정도?

그럼 80만원 정도 쓰면 어떻게 됩니까?

어? 80?

음...

남편이 바람을 피우긴 피는데

플라토닉하게 마음으로만 바람을 피지

아는 형이 결혼을 하려고 하는데

어머니의 성화로 어쩔 수 없이 여자친구 몰래 궁합을 보러

용한 점쟁이를 찾아갔습니다

형과 여친의 사주를 들은 점쟁이왈

나쁘지 않아

좋지도 않고

서로 해야될것도 없고

득될것도 없어

예?

어머니는 다음말을 기다리며 점쟁이를 가만히 쳐다봤죠

그런데

뭐?

왜?

모?

예? 아유 끝인가요?

어?

어...뭐?

왜? 뭐?

준비해간 복채가 십만원인데 고작 이거라니

형과 어머니는 몹시 실망한 표정이 되었어요

그 표정을 읽었는지

내가 주특기가 그 관상인데

혹시 사진같은거 있나?

아유 잠시만요

야 너 핸드폰에 사진좀 꺼내봐라

예예

형은 핸드폰을 꺼내 여친사진을 점쟁이에게 보여줬어요

그런데 사진을 보자마자 점쟁이는 무척 놀라며

하하 야!

이런 상이라니

허~허 야 여거

하헣

아유 왜요? 왜그러시죠?

요 미간이 넓으면 색정이 강한데

거기다 입술 밑에 점까지 있어

이거이거이거!

허허 야 이거!

허~허 야야야

야 이거이거이거

요고 완전 밝히는 상인데?

허~허 야 이거이거

이거이거 흙...

흔치 않은 상인데?

형과 어머니는 깜짝 놀랐죠

이제 곧 결혼을 해야 하는데

어머니는 걱정되는 마음에 다급히 물었습니다

어 그럼...

그럼 어떻게 되죠?

그래서 점쟁이는 말했어요

부럽지 뭐

예?

부럽다고~하흫~ 하 히~

어이구야 부럽네 이거

흔치 않은 상인데

되~게 아주

아주 되게 밝힌다고

좋겠어~아주

아...아 예 감사합니다

형과 어머니는 더는 물어볼게 없어서 복채를 내고 돌아왔다고

형 축하해 좋겠어 나도 부럽다

제 친구 민식이는 정말 너무 착합니다

화낼줄을 모르죠

옆에서 보면 답답할 때가 한두번이 아니에요

하지만 항상 웃고 넘어가는 성격이 정말 좋은 친구입니다

택배일을 하시던 민식이 아버님께서 허리를 삐끗하셨고

그래도 일을 쉴 수 없었던 아버님은

집에 놀고 있는 힘좋은 민식이에게 도움을 요청합니다

착한 민식이는 흔쾌히 아버님 일을 도와주러 나갔죠

아버님이 트럭을 세워놓고 어디에 뭘 배달할지 알려주면

민식이가 배달만 해주면 되는거라 어렵진 않았어요

그렇게 택배일이 손에 익어갈 무렵 어느 조용한 주택가 창문에

처녀보살이라는 붉은 글씨가 쓰여있었었고

입구부터 풍겨나오는 향냄새에 약간 무서운 기분이 들었지만

배달을 해야만 했던 민식이은 과감하게 벨을 눌렀습니다

빨리 들어와

빨리 들어와!

택배라고 말하기도 전에 카리스마 있는 하이톤이 담장을 넘어와서

덜컥하고 현관문이 열렸고 민식이는

아 직접 받고 싶으신가보다 생각하며 약간 당황했지만

열려진 문으로 택배상자를 한 손에 들고 들어가게 됐죠

그런데 무섭게 화장을 한 무당분이 민식이를 보자마자

얼굴에 쌀을 확 뿌리면서!

왜 이제 왔어!?

얼굴에...택배왔는데

얼굴에 쌀을 뿌리면서

왜 이제 와써!?

놀란 민식이는

네...네 네...?

그래도 최대한 빨리 온건데요...

오늘도 안왔으면...

다 죽을 뻔한거 몰라!?

앉아!!!

예예...ㅈ...죄송합니다

민식이는 택배가 늦어서 화가 나셨나?

아버지 일을 도와드리는건데 화를 풀어드려야겠다고 생각하면서

자리에 앉아서 사과를 드렸지만 무당분은 화가 풀리지 않았어요

아웈! 우웈...우왁...

냄새는 또 왜이렇게 지독해!?

헛구역질까지 하는 무당분을 보며 민식이는

자기 몸에서 땀냄새가 나나보다 하고 또 죄송하다고 했습니다

죄송합니다...

바쁘다보니까...

그여자가 왜 떠난 줄 알아!?

예?

저는 여자친구가 없는데요;;

니가 좋아하는 걔 말이야 걔!

그게...

좋아하는 사람도 없는데요;;

그래?

그럼 사업이 잘 안 풀리는구만!

고등학생인데요;;

어?

ㄱ...고등학생?

네 택배때매 여ㄱ

아~ 간장 시킨거 온거구나 간장게장 시킨게 온거구나~

간장게장~

사복 입은 민식이를 성인으로 오해한 무당분은 택배를 받으시곤

오해해서 미안하다며 잠시 이런저런 인생상담을 해줬어요

사실...

나도 이 일이 적성에 안맞아

딱히 다른게 할 게 없어가지고 계속 일을 하고 있는거야

공부도 때가 있어 임마

할 수 있을때 해

무당분의 조언때문인지 민식이는 공부를 정말 열심히 했는데

성적은 오르지 않았어요

고등학교 동창이었던 그녀와 전 모태솔로였습니다

서로 못생겼다며 갈구기도 하지만

서로 못생긴만큼 의지를 하는 사이기도 하죠

어느 저녁 그녀에게서 전화가 왔습니다

니 할일 없는거 아니까는 빨리 나온나

내랑 삼겹살에 쏘주나 한병 까자

대중 추리닝 위해 점퍼을 걸치고 나가 보니까

그녀는 이미 조금 취해있는 상태였어요

취했으니 더욱 못나보였지만

그녀의 돈을 쓸 생각을 하니

신세경 같아 보였습니다

한참 삼겹살과 소주를 깨작깨작 먹던 그녀가

스피커 조절 안 된 큰 목소리로 물었어요

니!

키스 해본적 있나?

가시나가! 못하는 소리가 없누?

야가 큰일날 소리 하네

다 큰 여자가 어디서 함부로 키스얘기를 하누?

니

키스해본 적 읎네~

아이고~부끄러버라~

나잇살 쳐먹고 아직도 안 해 봤나 키스를?

그...

그...그

그...그 그

그라면은 니는 해봤나?

내는!

내는...

하면 억수로 잘하는데!

전염병에 걸릴까봐~

일부러 안하는기라~

내도 키스하자는 여자는 억수로 많았는데

내가 심장이 별로 안좋아서!

안한다니ㄱ...심장이 안좋아가꼬

그녀랑 저는 그쯤에서 말이 없어지며 술만 들이켰어요

결국 둘 다 만취가 되었죠

저도 꼴에 남자라고 같은 동네 살던 아주 안전한 그녀를

집에 데려다주기로 하고 골목길을 걷고 있는데

담벼락에 꼭 붙어 있던 어느 남녀가 급이 화다닥 떨어지더군요

그녀는 그 커플에게 좀비처럼 다가와서 중얼거렸어요

했네 했어

했네...

했스 했스

했네 했쓰어!!!

커플남은 친구를 썩은 음식물 쓰레기 쳐다보는 듯 하고

지 여친이랑 가버렸는데

커플의 등 뒤에 대고 계속 외쳤습니다

드릅다! 드러워!!

니네 집에 가면 꼭 양치 하래이!

그러더니 갑자기 그 자리에 철푸덕 주저 앉아 울기 시작했습니다

흐에에에ㅔㅔ으에ㅔㅇ에에에에에엥

내도 해보고 싶다

드러버도 내도 해보고 싶다

키스 억수로 해보고 싶다

으어어어ㅓ어어ㅓㅇ어어어어ㅓ

왈칵 저도 눈물이 나더군요

둘이 껴안고 펑펑 울기 시작했습니다

한참 울다 그녀를 봤는데

영화처럼 눈이 마주쳐서요

제가 왜 그랬는지 그녀에게 말했습니다

우...

우...우

우...우 우리

ㅋ...

ㅋ...키스 해볼까?

니...

니 심장 안좋다매?

아 아 아

아 아니다!

그거 그거...벗

개뻥이다 그거

내 심장이 억수로 튼튼하다

니랑 키스 하자꼬 말하는 것 뽀면 모르겠나

그녀는 여자들은 수줍게 고개를 끄덕 였고

내가

키스 그 인터넷 찾아봤는데

내가 고개를 좌쪽으로 20도 정도를 틀면은

니가 반대로 한 20도 틀면...

그래 하믄 된다더라

그녀가 고개를 과도하게 피며 말했습니다

이...

이.......이정도 맞나?

아닌거 같은데?

쪼금만 이쪽으로

아아 된 거 같다

그라면...

이제...

ㄱ...간데이

눈감으래이

저는 눈을 감고 조심스레 마침내 그녀의 입술에 제 입술을 포갰고

그리고 조용히 물었습니다

막 머리에

종이 울리고 그러드나?

내는 쪼매 이상...이상허네

종이 안울리네

이게 맞는데?

이정도 각도가 최고라 캤는데?

그녀가 조심스레 의견을 제시했습니다

내가 볼 때 이게...

각도가 문제가 아닌 것 같다

니...왜...

혀는 가만히 있누?

전 정색하며 물었죠

ㅎ...

ㅎ...혀...

ㅎ...혀...혀?

혘

혀가 왜?

혀...

혀...혀...

이렇게 내밀면 되나?

저는 더운 여름날의 개처럼 혀를 내밀었고

그 순간 갑자기 그녀가 과격하게 제 머리를 한 손으로 볼링공처럼 잡고

아주 거칠게! 거절해!

그날 처음 우리는 제대로 된 키스라는 걸 하게 되었습니다

드디어 제 머리에 종이 울렸고

중간에 눈을 떴다가

친구를 보고 깜짝 놀라서 다시 감았어요

현실을 인정하기 싫었지만!

그 사건이 있은 후 저희는 마치 취미처럼 키스을 하기 시작했고

만나가 키스 한번 할까?

그럴까?

결국 사귀기 시작했습니다

많이 이쁘진 않지만 제게 사랑을 알려준 그녀!

정말 사랑하지만

양치는 좀 하고 키스를 했으면 하자는 것

사랑한다

군시절 저희는 신병이 오면 제일 먼저 컴플렉스가 뭔지를 물어봤어요

별명을 붙여주기 위해서죠

머리가 큰게 컴플렉스라고 하면 대갈장군

키가 작은게 컴플렉스면 김호빗

뭐 이런식으로 별명을 지어줬죠

그날은 두명의 신병이 들어왔고 최고참 병장이 물었습니다

야!

너 컴플렉스가 뭔가?

엉덩이가 큰 게 컴플렉스입니다

그래? 일어나봐

흣~챠!

와 진짜 엉덩이가 어마어마하구만?

어!? 엉덩이 글래머네 엉덩이 글래머

니 별명은 오늘부터

엉덩이만병이다 엉만이

엉덩이만병 엉만이 알았나?

엉만이 너는 엉덩이가 커서 제일 불편한게 뭔가?

엉만이는 대답했습니다

그게 솔직인 말씀드리면 저는 대변을 볼 때

양손으로 잡고 엉덩이를 벌려서 봐야 합니다

야 너는 컴플렉스가 뭔가?

혓바닥이 긴것이 컴플렉스입니다

뭐 혓바닥이? 내밀어봐!

우와 진짜 혓바닥에 턱밑까지 내려오네?

그럼 너! 니 팔꿈치도 핥...핥을 수 있냐?

예 있습니다!

우와 대박!

넌 오늘부터 개미핥기다!

넌 혀가 길어서 제일 불편한 게 뭔가?

뭐가 제일 불편하나?

그러자 개미핥기가 머뭇거리며 대답했어요

그러자 개미 한끼가 머뭇거리며 대답했어요　 그게

여자친구와 키스하다 여자친구의 목젓을 찌른적이 있습니다!

키스하다...

여자친구의 목젖을 찌른 적이 있어요!

오래 지난 지금도 개미핥기와 엉망이만은 잊을 수가 없네요

Key Vocabulary

Vocabulary	Meanings
버튼 /bʌtʰɯn/ A1	noun - button (a small object that can be pressed)
커플티 /kʰʌpʰɯl.tʰi/ B1	noun - couple T‑shirt (a T‑shirt designed for a couple)
반창고 /pan.tɕʰaŋ.ɡo/ B1	noun - band‑aid, adhesive plaster
밴드 /bɛndɯ/ A2	noun - band (a strip of material, or a musical group)
롤러코스터 /ɾol.lʌ.kʰo.sʰtʰɯɾ/ B1	noun - roller coaster (amusement‑park ride)
중학교 /t͡ɕuŋ.ha.k͈jo/ A2	noun - middle school
전화 /tɕʰʌ.nɐ/ A1	noun - telephone, phone call verb - to call by phone
여자친구 /jʌ.d͡ʑa.t͡ɕʰin.ɡu/ A2	noun - girlfriend
땀 /t͡ɕ͈am/ A1	noun - sweat
복권 /pok̚.kʰwɐn/ B2	noun - lottery ticket
점쟁이 /t͡ɕʌm.d͡ʑɛŋ.i/ B2	noun - fortune‑teller, soothsayer
부적 /pu.dʑʌk/ C1	noun - talisman, amulet
겁 /k͈ʌp/ B1	noun - fear, dread verb - to be afraid (colloquial: 겁먹다)
눈 /nun/ A1	noun - eye
친구 /t͡ɕʰiŋ.ɡu/ A1	noun - friend
고백 /ko.pɛk/ B2	noun - confession (especially of love)
형 /hjʌŋ/ A2	noun - older brother (used by males)
마시다 /ma.ɕi.da/ A1	verb - to drink

Key Grammar Structures

• A군은 평소에 젓꼭지가 유달리 튀어나와 다른 사람들 사이에서 버튼이라는 별명으로 (불립니다)

  ➔ Passive Voice

  ➔ The verb '불립니다' (is called) is in passive voice, indicating that the action is done to the subject.

• 자기야 오늘 놀이동산 가기로 했잖아~

  ➔ Informal Speech Level

  ➔ The use of '자기야' (honey) and the sentence structure indicate an informal, intimate speech level.

• 이 핑계들 저 핑계 대며 입지도 않았는데

  ➔ Contrastive Conjunction

  ➔ The phrase '이 핑계들 저 핑계 대며' uses contrastive conjunctions to show different excuses.

• 그건 바로 반창고!

  ➔ Exclamatory Sentence

  ➔ The sentence uses an exclamatory tone to emphasize the solution.

• A군은 당장 밴드를 가져다 버튼 위에 붙였고

  ➔ Past Tense

  ➔ The verb '붙였고' (attached) is in the past tense, indicating a completed action.

• 오빠~ 롤러코스터 너무 타고 싶다

  ➔ Honorifics

  ➔ The use of '오빠' (oppa) is an honorific term used by a younger female to an older male.

• A군은 순간 자신의 가슴팍을 보고 기겁을 했습니다

  ➔ Adverbial Clause

  ➔ The phrase 'A군은 순간' (A at that moment) acts as an adverbial clause, modifying the main verb.

• 밴드 자체가 버튼으로 보인거지!

  ➔ Emphasis Particle

  ➔ The particle '거지' at the end emphasizes the statement.

• 야 저거봐 저거봐... 저거 진짜야!

  ➔ Interjection

  ➔ The phrase '야 저거봐' (Hey, look at that) is an interjection used to express surprise.

• 저 버튼좀 봐바!

  ➔ Imperative Mood

  ➔ The phrase '저 버튼좀 봐바' (Look at that button) is in the imperative mood, giving a command.