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El actor Harry Hawk fue el único en el escenario esa noche cuando pronunció una frase que seguramente provocaría risas.

Mientras tanto, su compañero actor John Booth se coló en el palco del teatro.

Y disparó a Abraham Lincoln por la espalda, en la cabeza.

El presidente fue trasladado rápidamente a una residencia privada, donde fue atendido por cirujanos durante toda la noche.

A pesar de sus esfuerzos, falleció a la mañana siguiente.

La noticia se extendió rápidamente, confirmada por los periódicos.

Pero algo sucedió con el cuerpo de Lincoln que nunca antes había ocurrido con un presidente de EE. UU.

Fue embalsamado, una práctica traída de Europa y popularizada durante la Guerra Civil.

El Dr. Thomas Holmes embalsamó a miles de soldados en el campo de batalla para que pudieran ser devueltos a sus familias.

Así, el cuerpo de Lincoln fue exhibido no solo en Washington, sino que viajó en tren por todo el país.

Recorrió 1600 millas, deteniéndose en 13 ciudades importantes antes de ser colocado en un mausoleo.

Antes de la llegada del embalsamamiento a América, los muertos eran cuidados principalmente por sus familiares.

Las mujeres preparaban el cuerpo en la mesa del comedor, lo lavaban y vestían para el velorio que se realizaba esa noche en la sala de la casa familiar.

Los hombres, por su parte, conseguían un ataúd con el ebanista local y preparaban la tumba y el carruaje para el cortejo fúnebre al día siguiente.

Los amigos traían flores para ayudar a enmascarar los olores de la muerte y permanecían allí toda la noche.

Durante milenios, la gente manejaba la muerte ocupándose de los muertos.

Pero a medida que el embalsamamiento se popularizó, la sociedad moderna de principios del siglo XX consideró que esas tareas desagradables no debían ser responsabilidad de los dolientes.

Así, los ebanistas se convirtieron en empresarios de pompas fúnebres, estos en embalsamadores, y los embalsamadores abrieron salas velatorias.

De este modo, las residencias privadas pudieron reemplazar sus salas con los mucho más populares salones.

Al mismo tiempo, los hospitales comenzaron a sacar a los enfermos de sus habitaciones.

Ahora, tanto los moribundos como los muertos estaban en manos de extraños.

Desde adolescente supe que quería ser embalsamador. Un compañero de escuela secundaria, en broma, me preguntó si lo embalsamaría cuando muriera.

"Por supuesto", respondí. Pero solo cuatro años después, su cuerpo yacía en mi mesa de embalsamamiento.

Irreconocible por los estragos de la enfermedad, a los 22 años, me enfrentaba a mi propia mortalidad.

Ella no tuvo velorio, así que nuestros compañeros que habían perdido el contacto solo la recordaban como una joven sana y feliz de 17 años.

Tuve que lidiar con su muerte, al igual que ellos, pero tuve la fortuna de verla como era y los efectos que la enfermedad había tenido en su cuerpo en sus últimos días.

Pude unir en mi mente dos realidades: la vida que había vivido y su muerte.

Desde entonces, he enterrado a líderes de exploradores, maestros, amigos queridos, hijos de amigos y mis propios familiares.

Pero, ¿qué privilegio tuve? Pude cuidar de ellos, lavarlos, curar sus heridas y vestirlos.

Verlos muertos no disminuyó mis recuerdos de ellos cuando estaban vivos; más bien, me permitió enfrentar su muerte con valentía y resolución.

Creo que este proceso me ha dado la mejor oportunidad para un duelo saludable.

El poeta Robert Hamilton escribió: "Caminé una milla con el placer, ella habló todo el camino, pero no me dejó más sabio por todo lo que dijo".

"Caminé una milla con el dolor, una palabra estrecha, dijo ella, pero oh, las cosas que aprendí de ella cuando el dolor caminó conmigo".

En mis dos últimas décadas en la industria del cuidado de la muerte, he visto cómo los funerales se han convertido en servicios conmemorativos donde el invitado de honor ya no es invitado.

Algunas personas no quieren ver el cuerpo porque prefieren recordarlo como era.

Pero me pregunto si a veces recordar a alguien como era comienza evitando cómo es ahora.

Otros no quieren que el cuerpo esté presente porque temen que incomode a los demás invitados.

Pero los funerales no están hechos para ser cómodos.

Ahora, los servicios conmemorativos se han convertido en celebraciones de la vida, pero ya tenemos celebraciones de la vida, ¿no? Cumpleaños, Bar Mitzvahs, bodas y aniversarios.

Los funerales no son para celebrar la vida, sino para enfrentar la muerte.

El Dr. Alan Wolfelt, un experto en asesoramiento de duelo, dijo: "Me preocupa profundamente que las personas, las familias y, en última instancia, la sociedad en su conjunto sufran si no nos reinvertimos en el ritual fúnebre".

¿Han notado que la gente ya no muere? "Pasan a mejor vida", "cruzan al otro lado", "entran en el descanso".

De hecho, ahora incluso puedes "desaparecer". ¿Cuántos de ustedes han tenido un familiar que les ha dicho que cuando muera, solo cavan un agujero y lo tiran allí?

"Solo crémenme y pónganme en una lata de café. No quiero gastos, no quiero que la gente mire mi cuerpo, no quiero un servicio fúnebre".

Quienes desean eso para sí mismos tal vez no se dan cuenta de que su funeral no se trata necesariamente de lo que ellos quieren, sino de lo que los sobrevivientes necesitan.

No sé si fue mi industria o la sociedad la que inventó el concepto de "cierre", pero de cualquier manera, es un mito.

La idea de que cerrar el ataúd, llenar la tumba o esparcir las cenizas de alguna manera significa que un libro se ha cerrado y podemos reanudar la vida como si nada hubiera pasado, es realmente injusta.

Más bien, tenemos que aprender a vivir en un nuevo mundo sin esa persona, y creo que los primeros pasos para hacerlo es reconocer con valentía que realmente están muertos.

Una vez me senté con una familia que lloraba la pérdida de su hijo por suicidio. Sabían por los informes del forense que no podrían verlo, pero parecían luchar con la idea de que no era solo una horrible pesadilla.

Les dije: "Sé que no pueden ver su rostro, pero ¿qué tal si sostienen su mano?". Los llevé a una habitación donde había cubierto su cuerpo con una manta, pero dejé su mano expuesta.

No sé qué palabras dijeron o qué emociones sintieron después de que me fui, pero sé que eran diferentes cuando salieron.

Alguna carga irracional que habían estado llevando había sido aliviada.

La forma en que su ser querido muere puede estar más allá de la capacidad del embalsamador para rectificar, haciendo que verlo sea difícil o incluso imposible.

Pero pueden pedirle al director de la funeraria que simplemente se siente en la habitación con ellos. Pueden cubrirlo con su perfume favorito, pedir que les devuelvan su ropa, incluso si está dañada.

Pidan un mechón de cabello o la huella de su mano, porque el duelo es lo que todos sentimos por dentro cuando experimentamos una pérdida significativa.

Pero el luto es la expresión externa de ese dolor. Cuanto más fingimos que no ha pasado nada importante, o cuanto más usamos eufemismos, más le robamos al luto la validación de lo que están experimentando.

Todos hemos escuchado a amigos bienintencionados decir cosas como: "Bueno, al menos ahora está en un lugar mejor".

Pero cuando estamos de duelo, no queremos que estén en un lugar diferente, incluso si es mejor. Los queremos aquí con nosotros.

Otros pueden tratar de recordarte que "esto también pasará", como si la pérdida de una vida fuera igual a una piedra en el riñón, que después de un malestar temporal, será seguida por alivio.

Pero los deudos no necesitan nuestro ánimo, necesitan nuestro permiso para caminar con el dolor. Necesitan nuestra presencia, nuestro abrazo y nuestra validación.

Mientras les hablo esta tarde, pueden temer haber perdido la oportunidad de llorar adecuadamente a alguien que aman.

Pero recuerden, no existe algo como el "cierre". Así que llamen a otros que extrañan y aman a esa persona e invítenlos a unirse a ustedes.

Pero no vayan a tomar algo, no tengan una cena en el club campestre, no hagan una noche de karaoke en honor a la persona.

Es hora de sacar la diversión de los funerales. En su lugar, reúnanse y lloren, hablen de las cosas difíciles, compartan sus verdaderos sentimientos, incluso si no parecen correctos.

Y permitan que otros hagan lo mismo. Hacer esto puede ser un poco incómodo y probablemente no será divertido, pero les prometo que valdrá la pena.

[Aplausos]

embalm her when she died of course I

will I

said but it was just 4 years later that

her body was laying on my embalming

table

unrecognizable from the ravages of

disease at the age of 22 I was staring

at my own

mortality she didn't have a viewing so

our peers who had lost touch only

remembered her as a healthy and happy

17-year-old and I had to Grapple with

her death just like they did but I was

fortunate by seeing her the way she was

and the effects the disease had had on

her body in her last days I could marry

in my mind two

realities that she had lived and she was

now

dead since that time I've buried my own

Scout leaders School teachers dear

friends friends children of friends and

my own

relatives but how privileged am I I got

to care for

them wash them fix their wounds and

dress them seeing them dead did not

diminish my memories of them when they

were alive rather it allowed me to view

their death with shy and

resolve a process which has given me I

believe the best opportunity for a

healthy grief

the poet Robert Hamilton once wrote I

walked a mile with pleasure she chatted

all the way but left me none the wiser

for all she had to

say I walked a mile with

sorrow a narrow word said she but oh the

things I learned from her when sorrow

walked with

me in my last two decades in the death

care industry I have seen funerals

become Memorial services where the guest

of honor was no longer

invited some people didn't want to view

the body because they would rather

remember it the way it

was but I wonder if sometimes

remembering them the way they were

Begins by avoiding the way they

are others didn't want to have the body

present because they feared it would

make the other guests feel

uncomfortable but funerals aren't meant

to be

comfortable and now Memorial Services

have become celebrations of

life but we already have celebrations of

life don't we birthdays Bar Mitzvah

kinas weddings and

anniversaries funerals aren't meant for

celebrating life they for facing

death a leading expert in grief

counseling Dr Alan wolfeld once said I

am deeply concerned that

individuals families and ultimately

society as a whole will suffer if we do

not reinvest ourselves in the funeral

ritual have you noticed that people

don't even die

anymore they pass on they cross to the

other side they enter into rest in fact

now you can even become

unived how many of you have had a

relative say to you that when they die

to just dig a hole and throw them in it

just have them cremated and put in a

coffee can they don't want the expense

they don't want people gawking at their

body they don't want a funeral

service those who desire that for

themselves may not realize that their

funeral is not necessarily about what

they want it's about what you as the

Survivor

needs I don't know if it was my industry

or society that came up with the concept

of closure

but either way it's a

myth the idea that the closing of the

casket or the filling in of the Grave or

the scattering of the cremated remains

somehow signifies that a book has been

closed and we can resume life as normal

it's really

unfair rather we have to learn to live

in a new world without that person and I

believe the first steps in doing that is

recognizing boldly and bravely that

they're really dead

I once sat with a family who was

grieving the loss of their son to

Suicide they knew from the coroners

reports that he wouldn't be viewable but

they really seem to be struggling with

the idea that it wasn't all just a

horrible

dream so I said to them I know you can't

view his face but what if you held his

hand I took them into a room where I had

covered his body with a quilt but left

his hand

exposed and I don't know what words they

said or emotions they felt after I left

but I do know that they were different

when they

exited some irrational burden they had

been carrying had been

lifted now the manner in which your

loved one dies may be beyond the

capability of the mortician to rectify

causing viewing to be difficult or even

impossible but you can ask your funeral

director to just sit in the room with

them they can be covered in crited with

their favorite

perfume ask for their clothing to be

returned to you even if it's been

damaged ask for a lock of hair or a

handprint because grief is what we all

feel on the inside when we experience a

significant

loss but mourning is the outward

expression of that

grief mourning is the outward expression

of

grief and the more we pretend that

nothing major is has happened or the

more euphemisms we use the more we rob

the morning of validation for what

they're

experiencing we've all heard

well-meaning friends say things like

well at least she's in a better place

now but when we're grieving we don't

want them in a different place even if

it's

better we want them here with

us others may try to remind you that

this too shall pass as though the loss

of life is equal to a kidney

stone which after some temporary

discomfort will be followed by

relief but the morning don't need our

uplifting they need our permission to

walk with

sorrow they need our presence our

Embrace and our

validation as I've been speaking to you

this afternoon you may fear that you've

lost an opportunity to properly mourn

somebody that you love but remember

there's no such thing as

closure so call up others who miss and

love that person and invite them to join

you but don't go for

drinks don't have or derves at the

Country Club don't hold an honorary

karaoke night it's time to take the fun

out of

funerals instead get together and

cry talk about the hard stuff share your

true feelings even if they don't seem

right and allow others to do the

same doing this might be a little

uncomfortable and it probably won't be

fun but I can promise you it will be

worth it

[Applause]

[Inglés]

[Music]

the actor Harry Hawk was the only one on

the stage that night when he delivered a

line that was sure to get a

laugh during the laughter fellow actor

John Booth snuck into the theater box

and shot Abraham Lincoln in the back of

the

head the president was rushed across the

street to a private residence or he was

attended to throughout the night by

surgeons but despite their best efforts

he died early the next

morning words spread quickly as

newspapers confirm the rumors but as

always people just assumed they would

have to take the horrific news as

fact but something happened to Lincoln's

body that had never happened to a US

president

before he was embalmed it was the latest

thing from Europe popularized during the

Civil War when Dr Thomas Holmes embalmed

thousands of soldiers there on the

battlefield so they could be returned

home to their families to be seen and

touched and buried near their

relatives because of this Lincoln's body

was on display not only in Washington

but put on a train that took a 1600 M

Journey throughout the country stopping

in 13 major CI cities before being

placed in a

vault before embalming came to America

the dead were cared for primarily by

their own family members the women would

lay the body out on the dining table and

wash it and dress it in preparation for

the wake that would take place that

night in The Parlor of the family home

meanwhile the men would procure a coffin

from the local Furniture maker and

prepare the grave and the carriage for

the procession to the cemetery the next

morning friends would come and bring

with them flowers to help mask the odors

of death and they would remain there all

night you see for Millennia people

handled death by handling the

dead but as embalming became more

popular the modern society of the early

1900s felt that such unpleasant tasks

shouldn't be left to The

Grieving so furniture makers became

Undertakers Undertakers became embalmers

and embalmers opened funeral parlors so

that the private residents could replace

their parlors with the much more popular

living

rooms at the same time hospitals began

removing the sick from their bedrooms so

now both the dying and the dead were in

the hands of

strangers I knew as a teenager that I

wanted to be a

mortician a high School classmate of

mine once asked jokingly if I would

embalm her when she died of course I

will I

said but it was just 4 years later that

her body was laying on my embalming

table

unrecognizable from the ravages of

disease at the age of 22 I was staring

at my own

mortality she didn't have a viewing so

our peers who had lost touch only

remembered her as a healthy and happy

17-year-old and I had to Grapple with

her death just like they did but I was

fortunate by seeing her the way she was

and the effects the disease had had on

her body in her last days I could marry

in my mind two

realities that she had lived and she was

now

dead since that time I've buried my own

Scout leaders School teachers dear

friends friends children of friends and

my own

relatives but how privileged am I I got

to care for

them wash them fix their wounds and

dress them seeing them dead did not

diminish my memories of them when they

were alive rather it allowed me to view

their death with shy and

resolve a process which has given me I

believe the best opportunity for a

healthy grief

the poet Robert Hamilton once wrote I

walked a mile with pleasure she chatted

all the way but left me none the wiser

for all she had to

say I walked a mile with

sorrow a narrow word said she but oh the

things I learned from her when sorrow

walked with

me in my last two decades in the death

care industry I have seen funerals

become Memorial services where the guest

of honor was no longer

invited some people didn't want to view

the body because they would rather

remember it the way it

was but I wonder if sometimes

remembering them the way they were

Begins by avoiding the way they

are others didn't want to have the body

present because they feared it would

make the other guests feel

uncomfortable but funerals aren't meant

to be

comfortable and now Memorial Services

have become celebrations of

life but we already have celebrations of

life don't we birthdays Bar Mitzvah

kinas weddings and

anniversaries funerals aren't meant for

celebrating life they for facing

death a leading expert in grief

counseling Dr Alan wolfeld once said I

am deeply concerned that

individuals families and ultimately

society as a whole will suffer if we do

not reinvest ourselves in the funeral

ritual have you noticed that people

don't even die

anymore they pass on they cross to the

other side they enter into rest in fact

now you can even become

unived how many of you have had a

relative say to you that when they die

to just dig a hole and throw them in it

just have them cremated and put in a

coffee can they don't want the expense

they don't want people gawking at their

body they don't want a funeral

service those who desire that for

themselves may not realize that their

funeral is not necessarily about what

they want it's about what you as the

Survivor

needs I don't know if it was my industry

or society that came up with the concept

of closure

but either way it's a

myth the idea that the closing of the

casket or the filling in of the Grave or

the scattering of the cremated remains

somehow signifies that a book has been

closed and we can resume life as normal

it's really

unfair rather we have to learn to live

in a new world without that person and I

believe the first steps in doing that is

recognizing boldly and bravely that

they're really dead

I once sat with a family who was

grieving the loss of their son to

Suicide they knew from the coroners

reports that he wouldn't be viewable but

they really seem to be struggling with

the idea that it wasn't all just a

horrible

dream so I said to them I know you can't

view his face but what if you held his

hand I took them into a room where I had

covered his body with a quilt but left

his hand

exposed and I don't know what words they

said or emotions they felt after I left

but I do know that they were different

when they

exited some irrational burden they had

been carrying had been

lifted now the manner in which your

loved one dies may be beyond the

capability of the mortician to rectify

causing viewing to be difficult or even

impossible but you can ask your funeral

director to just sit in the room with

them they can be covered in crited with

their favorite

perfume ask for their clothing to be

returned to you even if it's been

damaged ask for a lock of hair or a

handprint because grief is what we all

feel on the inside when we experience a

significant

loss but mourning is the outward

expression of that

grief mourning is the outward expression

of

grief and the more we pretend that

nothing major is has happened or the

more euphemisms we use the more we rob

the morning of validation for what

they're

experiencing we've all heard

well-meaning friends say things like

well at least she's in a better place

now but when we're grieving we don't

want them in a different place even if

it's

better we want them here with

us others may try to remind you that

this too shall pass as though the loss

of life is equal to a kidney

stone which after some temporary

discomfort will be followed by

relief but the morning don't need our

uplifting they need our permission to

walk with

sorrow they need our presence our

Embrace and our

validation as I've been speaking to you

this afternoon you may fear that you've

lost an opportunity to properly mourn

somebody that you love but remember

there's no such thing as

closure so call up others who miss and

love that person and invite them to join

you but don't go for

drinks don't have or derves at the

Country Club don't hold an honorary

karaoke night it's time to take the fun

out of

funerals instead get together and

cry talk about the hard stuff share your

true feelings even if they don't seem

right and allow others to do the

same doing this might be a little

uncomfortable and it probably won't be

fun but I can promise you it will be

worth it

[Applause]