I'm in Barcelona, Spain. It's 2004.
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I'm a newly minted Nebraska Wesleyan
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with a degree in business and Spanish,
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But I'm sweating in my first real suit
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as I nervously stare at a room of
00:35
managers at the Ritz Carlton Hotel
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Company. I'm sweating because I'm now
00:40
expected to translate an eight-hour
00:44
workshop from Spanish into English.
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Because, you see, I'd sold myself as
00:50
fluent to this company in Spanish.
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And I was technically
00:57
fluent enough to ace those classroom
01:01
but not nearly fluent enough to carry
01:04
the weight of a workshop in front of
01:07
seasoned execs at the Ritz. In that
01:09
moment, I was a deer in headlights,
01:12
overconfident, out of my league, and
01:15
very aware of it. Those first couple of
01:18
weeks at the Ritz were rough. I tried to
01:21
fake my way through, pretending,
01:24
bluffing, nodding along. My stomach hurt
01:26
and I wanted to quit. My next trip was
01:30
to Santiago de Chile, and it was more of
01:33
the same. I couldn't sleep. And sometime
01:36
during that trip, something snapped. For
01:39
my physical and mental well-being, I
01:43
started to drop the act. I started to
01:46
ask for help. I said, "I'm not sure.
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Could you explain that again, please?
01:53
And the incredible thing was people
01:55
leaned in. They slowed down. They taught
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me. They even trusted me more.
02:01
it's like a bad translation.
02:06
It never lands right.
02:09
But honesty rings true.
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Over those next few years, I got to
02:15
travel the world for work. Dubai, Osaka,
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Bogotaa, Cleveland.
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And I showed up differently than I did
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in Barcelona. I came with questions
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instead of a performance. I stopped
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trying to be the smartest person in the
02:34
room and became a sponge instead. And
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through that time, I learned something
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that changed my life. Curiosity is a
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Curiosity opens doors. bravado never
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But here's the thing. The pressure to
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perform and pretend like you know what's
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going on isn't unique to 21-year-old me
02:56
in that Barcelona boardroom.
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I still struggle with this at times. I
03:02
mean, we're taught this, right? Ben even
03:05
talked about it earlier tonight. Fake it
03:07
till you make it. And sometimes that is
03:08
good advice. Sometimes you need to
03:12
project confidence when you're nervous.
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But somewhere along the way, many of us
03:18
stopped faking confidence and we started
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We nod along in meetings, even if we're
03:27
lost. We bluff an answer so it doesn't
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look like we didn't prepare.
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And we pretend to know what's going on
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so nobody questions why we're in the
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room. This isn't just a personal habit.
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It's a cultural one. It's a habit that
03:44
is quietly killing trust and our
03:47
Our collective inability to stay curious
03:51
and admit I don't know is hurting us
03:55
more than we think. So why do we do
03:58
this? Well, research says that belonging
04:01
is more important to us than almost
04:05
anything. We want to be part of the in
04:07
crowd. We want to be seen as capable and
04:10
credible and smart. So, we pretend in
04:13
order to protect our image and our ego.
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But here's the irony.
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Saying, "I don't know. Let me find out."
04:23
might ding your perceived competence a
04:26
bit. But saying, "I do know," and
04:29
that's a strike against your character
04:34
and your credibility. That is much
04:36
harder to come back from.
04:38
Wharton School professor Adam Grant
04:41
reminds us that saying I don't know
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isn't an admission of ignorance. It's an
04:47
expression of intellectual humility.
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And here's the opportunity. Saying I
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don't know often invites connection. It
04:56
turns a one-sided conversation into a
04:59
two-way dialogue. It creates space for
05:02
the other person to teach, to share, to
05:05
step in. When I say I don't know, I
05:07
build trust more than lose it. And that
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trust, connection, and curiosity has
05:14
helped me build what I do today. I spend
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most of my time working with executives
05:20
and teams, helping their organizations
05:22
around the world navigate
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Whether we're starting innovation labs
05:30
or launching strategic initiatives or
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designing the workforce of the future,
05:35
there's a common refrain I hear over and
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I wish my team was more curious. I wish
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we learned faster and were more
05:47
adaptable. I wish I wasn't so addicted
05:49
to being right. That last one came from
05:52
You see, even the most self-aware
05:57
leaders admit it. There's a deep pull to
06:00
defend, to be certain, to hold on to
06:03
But in a world that changes this fast,
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curiosity is more valuable than
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And intellectual humility is not a soft
06:15
skill. It's a competitive advantage. In
06:18
fact, one of the first things that
06:22
companies ask me to do is help them
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unwind this very habit, this reflex to
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fake knowing or being right. And here's
06:29
what I tell them. Be confident, not
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It's okay to project calm when you're
06:38
nervous. It's okay to borrow confidence
06:40
so you can stand tall in a room. That is
06:43
But you can hurt yourself and others
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when you fake expertise. It can be
06:51
problematic to pretend that you're
06:54
certain when you're not.
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Confidence is a gift to others.
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Counterfeit certainty is a trap.
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So how do we break this habit? Well, the
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first thing is to catch yourself in that
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moment of hesitation, that fear of
07:11
saying, "I don't know." And when you do,
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here are three things you can say
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instead. These aren't just words. These
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are tools. They turn hesitation into
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action. Number one,
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I don't know. Can you help me find out?
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Number two, I'm not sure. Why do you
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ask? And number three, that feels like
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an important question.
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Do you mind if I take some time to
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collect my thoughts and give it the
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answer it deserves?
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Every one of these moves a conversation
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forward and none of them require
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bluffing. Let's try this for a moment.
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Think about a situation where you felt
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like you were supposed to have all the
07:57
answers. Maybe it was last week, maybe
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even today. Now, imagine saying this
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What would that do? What would it
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change? Would it create space for
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someone else to speak?
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Would it lead to a better decision?
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Would it make your day less stressful?
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It's been over 20 years since those
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weeks I spent in Barcelona.
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Years later, I had the opportunity to
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ask that company if they knew I was in
08:32
over my head. They laughed
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and said, "Of course,
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we didn't hire you for who you were.
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We hired you for who you would become."
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What a gift, right?
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They weren't looking for a polished
08:51
expert. They were investing in
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That single sentence has shaped how I
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show up today. I get to show up and help
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people see that not knowing isn't
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failure. It's the starting line for
09:06
addressing big problems.
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So, here's my dare to you all. Over the
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next week, find one time each day when
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you're afraid to admit you don't know
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and say these four words instead. I
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If you're a leader, model it out loud.
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If you're on a team, invite it from
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others. If you hold power, make it a
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safe space to use those four words. I
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Real excellence isn't about being
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Real excellence is about learning faster
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than the problem evolves.
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I've made plenty of mistakes in my life,
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but I've also learned faster, made
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better decisions, and built better
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by being honest about what I don't know,
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even when it's scary.
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Certainty is comfortable,
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but curiosity is powerful.
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May curiosity and love crack your ego
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and split your heart wide open until
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everything and everyone fits. Thank you.
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