– 英语/中文 双语歌词

歌词与翻译

[中文]

你好啊。

欢迎来到《如何成为——完美男友》，

在这里你将学习成为

最好男友的技巧和方法。（低吼）

如果你是位女生在看这个视频，你大概会

一直这样。（点头）

对这些技巧赞同的点点头。

不客气。

第一条建议！保持谦逊。

没有女生喜欢自大的人，她们也不喜欢

胆小怕事，像只小鸡一样的人。

所以要自信，但像我一样保持谦逊，

我是谦逊镇上最谦逊的人。

要成熟。

完美男友？更像是完美男闺蜜！

因为女生不想要个小男孩，她们想要个男人！

是时候成熟了，长大了！

下次当你听到放屁的笑话时，憋住你的笑。

(放屁声)

(窃笑)

嘿，这只是生命中自然的过程。

这没什么好笑的。

所以成熟的男人不会笑屁，

他们已经超越了那一步，一直到…

(湿润的放屁声)

糟糕。

(哄堂大笑)

噗！

要支持她。支持别人很容易，

但完美男友会全力支持她说的和做的每一件事。

工作上的新同事又开始烦人了。

我有时候真想杀了她。

是啊，去杀她！

- 什么？- 我这就开始计划路线。

我已经把枪拿出来了，也许我们可以

晚上九点一起去——我其实不想杀她。

- head together around 9:00-- - I don't actually want to murder her.

没错！不要杀人，

因为那太疯狂了。——嘿，我才不疯狂。

我是我认识的人中最清醒的！

- 你能不能停下？- 你刚想说出口。

现在就停下。

天啊，你有时候真像个白痴。

最愚蠢的白痴！我讨厌我自己。

- 闭嘴！- 我要闭嘴，就像我的嘴

现在这样一样。

- 我的天啊。- 天啊，教堂，祈祷，爱它！

谁能快点射杀我啊！

(枪声)

可爱的、有意义的昵称。

当你和对方相处一段时间后，

你们会互相取昵称，作为完美男友，

你最不想做的事情是给她一个普通

而且毫无意义的昵称。

永远不要叫你的女朋友“宝贝”，因为那会让你看起来像个恋童癖。

永远不要叫她“天使”，因为她还没死。

而且请，无论你做什么，都不要叫你的女朋友“bae”。

这不仅过时了，而且她也不是海洋曲线内凹的一部分。

完美男友会想出一个完美的昵称，

The perfect boyfriend will come up with the perfect nickname,

可爱、独特，比如…

- 嘿，瑞安。- 嗨，胖小子。

- 什么？- 我最喜欢的冰淇淋三明治！

- 哦。- 哦，你看。

- 一只脏蹄子。- 你在说什么？！

我不知道这只蹄子在干什么。

它身上全是泥。

- 嗯。- 哦，哇。

我都没看到你进来。- 过来，你这小婊子！

你刚才叫我什么？！

(瑞安) 你真是只可爱的小母狗！

是的，你就是！- 谁是可爱的小婊子？

哦，我没看到你进来。- 嘿，恋童癖！

嘿，宝贝！

完全相反。

为了成为完美男友，你必须对你的女孩有吸引力，

而且正如人们所说，

科学家和那些说这句话的人都说…

所以，虽然你想成为一个支持她的男友，

你也必须在每方面都与她截然相反。

(G) 我喜欢这身衣服。

(G) Oh, I like this outfit.

- 你觉得怎么样？- 呃，我讨厌这身衣服！

真的吗？

也许我应该换掉它。

好吧，那我倒觉得你不应该换。

但你刚才说你讨厌它。

- 我刚才也说我喜欢它啊。- 你是不是在反着说我说的每一句话？

我没有说和你说的相反。

I'm not saying the same as nothing you said.

好吧……？

KO……？

- 我喜欢白色。- 我喜欢黑色。

- 我喜欢橙子。- 我喜欢苹果。

我喜欢看《生活大爆炸》。

我喜欢《老友记》。

(Sean) 我喜欢《老友记》。

你根本不属于这里！

而且《老友记》的结局是最糟糕的。

你属于这里，而且《老友记》…

是的，它的结局是最糟糕的。

- 嗯。- (嘲讽) 嗯！

和她的朋友们相处好。

著名的诗人，

只被称为辣妹组合，

曾经说过：

如果你想成为我的爱人，你必须和我的朋友们搞好关系。

和我的朋友们搞好关系。

和我的朋友们。

和我的朋友们。

所以，和她所有的朋友们约会。

远离那个时期。

说到女生——不，剪掉音乐。

这个根本不是个笑话。说到女生每个月的那个时期，

为了你自己的安全，

最好远离这个话题。不要说它，

不要提及它，尤其是不要开任何

与她那个时期有关的笑话。

就这样。

(恐怖音乐)

无论你多么完美，

总会有你的女孩感到沮丧、

悲伤，或者她只是…

她正处于元素周期表！

啊，看到了？这是一个测试。

做得好！我通过了。

但是正如我所说。总会有难过的时候，

为了成为完美男友，你必须在那里

安慰她，并且知道

在最艰难的情况下该说什么。

- G，你怎么了？- 我的祖父去世了。- 很抱歉。

嘿，他现在去了更好的地方。

嘿，G，你怎么了？

我的狗跑丢了。我找不到它。

哦，我很抱歉。

嘿，它现在去了更好的地方。

嘿，G，你怎么了？

没事！

我正要来月经，莎拉用了我最后一片卫生巾。

哦。

我很抱歉，但是嘿，它去了更好的地方——

- 别说！- 你说什么？

你不能一直重复同样的话。

我只是想安慰你。

这根本不安慰人！（叹气）我就是不明白

为什么你不能像任何其他正常的男友一样，

安慰我像——

(恐怖音乐)

瑞安？你在哪？

(阅读) 我现在去了更好的地方。

瑞安！你到底在干什么？

你在哪里？

(瑞安) 我已经告诉过你了。我在更好的地方。

少点尖叫。

这到底是怎么回事？你不能留下纸条就走人。

- 你说的是什么纸条？- (恐怖音乐)

- 纸条呢？- (手机铃声)

- Where'd the note go? - (cell phone rings)

(瑞安) 纸条现在去了更好的地方。

(恐怖音乐)

Are you fricking kidding me?!

你认真的吗？！

- 怎么回事？- (恐怖音乐)

(恐怖音乐)

- 大家都去哪儿了？- (恐怖音乐)

(恐怖音乐)

(瑞安) 欢迎，G，来到更好的地方。

(惊呼) 嘿！- 我的狗。

(狗) 嗨，G！

还有爷爷！- 你也回来了。

那一定意味着…

我的卫生巾呢？

对不起，什么？

我的卫生巾！现在是那个时候了。

我需要它，还记得吗？

哦，不，如果你没有那些，你必须离开。

什么？

这个地方完全是白色的。你必须离开。

你在开月经玩笑吗？

哦…哦，不，不，不，不。我不是…我不是在…

这是你绝对不能做的事情。

听着，我只是——没关系。

- (急促的呼吸) - 你可以留下。

我们这里需要一点颜色。这太恶心了。

- 我是说，这不恶心。- (低吼)

因为这是女生完美的

时间段。

我是说，时间段。我是说，不是月经！

- (恶魔般的尖叫) - PMS。(惊呼)

哦，天啊。

(咆哮)

冷静点，好吗？

(咆哮)

(瑞安尖叫)

(放屁)

(惊呼)

(窃笑)

(叹气) 这只是生命中自然的过程。

(瑞安) 这就是孩子们，我本应该遇到你妈妈的故事。

嘻嘻！

- (湿润的放屁) - (惊呼)

糟糕。

(哄堂大笑)

不，当你放屁的时候，这不好笑。这太恶心了。

你真恶心！

[英语]

Oh, hello there.

And welcome to How to Be The Perfect Boyfriend,

where you'll learn the skills and techniques to be

the best boyfriend you can be. (Growls)

Now, if you're a girl watching this, you'll probably just be

doing this the whole time.

Nodding along to the genius that are these tips.

You're welcome.

First tip! Be humble.

No girl wants a cocky guy, nor do they want a cock--

a guy that's timid and afraid, like a chicken.

So be confident, but stay humble like me,

the humblest guy I know in Humblesville Town.

Be mature.

The perfect boyfriend? More like the perfect man friend!

Because girls don't want a little boy. They want a man!

It's time to mature. Grow up!

The next time you hear a fart joke, you hold that laugh in.

(farting)

(snickering)

Hey, man, it's just a natural process of life.

It's not that funny.

So because mature men don't laugh at farts,

they've matured way past that. All the way to...

(moist fart)

Uh oh.

(panned laughter)

Sharts!

Be supportive. Supporting people is easy,

but the perfect boyfriend supports everything she says and does

to the very fullest.

The new girl at work was so irritating again.

I just wanna kill her sometimes.

Yes, do that! Murder her ass.

- What? - I'll start planning out the route.

I've already got the gun right here, and then maybe we can

- head together around 9:00-- - I don't actually want to murder her.

Exactly! Don't murder anyone

- because that would be crazy. - Hey, I'm not crazy.

The most sane person I know!

- Will you stop? - Took the words right outta my mouth.

Stopping right now.

Gosh, sometimes you can be such an idiot.

The dumbest idiot around! I hate me.

- Just shut up! - So closed, that's how my mouth

is gonna be from now on.

- Oh my god. - God, church, prayer, love it!

Somebody please shoot me already!

(gunshot)

Cute and meaningful nicknames.

When you're in a relationship for a while, you give

each other nicknames, and the last thing you wanna do

as the perfect boyfriend is give her a nickname that's generic

and has no meaning at all.

Never call your girlfriend "Baby" because that would make you a pedophile.

Don't ever call her "Angel" because she's not dead.

And please, whatever you do, never call your girlfriend "Bae".

Not only is that over-used, but she's not a small part of the ocean

where the land curves inwards.

The perfect boyfriend will come up with the perfect nickname,

something cute, something unique, something like...

- Hey, Ryan. - Hello, Fat Boy.

- What? - My favorite ice cream sandwich!

- Oh. - Oh, look.

- A dirty hoe. - Excuse me?!

I don't know what that hoe is doing inside.

It has mud all over it.

- Hmm. - Oh, wow.

I didn't even see you come in. Come over here, you little bitch!

What did you just call me?!

(Ryan) You're such a cute female dog!

Yes, you are! Who's a cute bitch?

Oh, didn't see you come in. Hey there, Pedophile!

Hey, Baby!

Exact opposites.

In order to be the perfect boyfriend, you have to be attractive

to your girl, and they do say that opposites attract.

Both scientists and people who say that...say that.

So although you want to be a supportive boyfriend,

you also have to be the exact opposite of her,

in every single way.

(G) Oh, I like this outfit.

- What do you think? - Ew, I hate that outfit!

Really?

Maybe I should change then.

Well, then I think you shouldn't change then.

But you just said you hated it.

- Didn't just say I loved it. - Are you just saying the opposite

of everything I'm saying?

I'm not saying the same as nothing you said.

OK...?

KO...?

- I like the color white. - I like the color black.

- I love oranges. - Apples are my favorite.

I love to watch The Big Bang Theory.

I love Friends.

(Sean) I love How I Met Your Mother.

You're not even a part of this!

And How I Met Your Mother had the worst ending ever.

You are a part of this, and How I Met Your Mother...

yeah, it had the worst ending ever.

- Hmm. - (mocking) Hmm!

Get along with her friends.

The famous poets, known only as The Spice Girls,

once said:

If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends.

Gotta get with my friends.

Get with my friends.

With my friends.

So date all her friends.

Stay away from the period.

When it comes to girls-- no, cut-cut the music.

This one's not even a joke. When it comes

to a girl's time of the month, for your own safety,

just stay away from the topic. Don't talk about it,

don't mention it, and especially do not make any jokes

that has anything to do with her time of the month.

Period.

(spooky music)

And last, but not least, comfort her when she's down.

No matter how perfect of a boyfriend you are,

there's gonna be times when your girl is feeling down,

or sad, or maybe she's just on her perioooodic table of elements!

Ah, see? That was a test.

Good job! I passed.

But as I was saying. There's gonna be sad times,

and in order to be the perfect boyfriend, you have to be there

to comfort her and know exactly what to say,

even in the toughest situations.

Hey, G, what's wrong?

- My grandfather just passed. - So sorry.

Hey, he's in a better place now.

Hey, G, what's wrong?

My dog ran away. I can't find him.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Hey, he's in a better place now.

Hey, G, what's wrong?

Nothing!

I'm about to start my period, and Sarah used my last tampon.

Oh.

I'm so sorry, but hey, it's in a better place--

- Don't you say it! - Say what?

You can't keep saying the same thing over and over again.

I'm just trying to comfort you.

It's not comforting! (sighs) I just don't understand

why, just for once, you can't be like any other normal boyfriend,

and comfort me like--

(scary music)

Ryan? Where'd you...?

(reading) I'm in a better place now.

Ryan! What the hell?

Where are you?

(Ryan) I told you already. I'm in a better place.

Less yelly over here.

Well, what the heck? You can't just leave a note

- and leave mid-conversation. - What note?

- The note right here. - (scary music)

- Where'd the note go? - (cell phone rings)

(Ryan) The note is in a better place now.

(scary music)

Are you fricking kidding me?!

(scary music)

- What the--? - (scary music)

(scary music)

- Where did everybody--? - (scary music)

(scary music)

(Ryan) Welcome, G, to the better place.

(gasps) Hey! My dog.

(dog) Hi, G!

And grandpa! You're back too.

That must mean...

Where's my tampons?

I'm sorry, the what?

My tampons! It's that time of the month.

I need it, remember?

Oh no, if you don't have those, you have to leave.

What?

This entire place is completely white. You have to leave.

Are you making a period joke?

Oh...oh, no, no, no, no. I wasn't...I wasn't trying--

That's the one thing you NEVER do.

Look, I was just-- It's perfectly fine.

- (sharp, angry breaths) - You can stay.

We could use a little more color in here. That is gross.

- I mean, that is not gross. - (growling)

Because it's a perfect period of time for girls.

I mean, time period. I mean, not period!

Commas, punctuation marks! That was what I meant.

- (demonic screams) - PMS. (gasps)

Oh, bloody hell.

(snarling)

Just calm down, okay?

(growling)

(Ryan yelps)

(farts)

(gasps)

(snickers)

(sighs) It's just a natural process of life.

(Ryan) And that's the story, kids, of how I should've met your mother.

Tee hee!

- (moist fart) - (gasps)

Uh oh.

(panned laughter)

No, that's not funny when you do it. That's just gross.

You're gross!

重点词汇

词汇	含义
humble /ˈhʌm.bəl/ B1	adjective - 谦虚 (qiānxū)
mature /məˈtʃʊər/ B1	adjective - 成熟 (chéngshú) verb - 成熟 (chéngshú)
confident /ˈkɒn.fɪ.dənt/ B1	adjective - 自信的 (zìxìn de)
irritating /ˈɪr.ɪ.teɪ.tɪŋ/ B2	adjective - 令人恼火 (lìng rén nǎohuǒ)
supportive /səˈpɔː.tɪv/ B1	adjective - 支持性的 (zhīchí xìng de)
murder /ˈmɜː.dər/ C1	verb - 谋杀 (móushā) noun - 谋杀 (móushā)
sane /seɪn/ B2	adjective - 理智的 (lǐzhì de)
idiot /ˈɪd.i.ət/ B1	noun - 白痴 (báichī)
generic /ˈdʒen.ər.ɪk/ B2	adjective - 普通的 (pǔtōng de)
pedophile /ˈped.ə.faɪl/ C2	noun - 恋童癖者 (liántóngpì zhě)
over-used /ˌoʊ.vərˈjuːzd/ B2	adjective - 过度使用的 (guòdù shǐyòng de)
unique /juːˈniːk/ B2	adjective - 独特的 (dútè de)
attract /əˈtrækt/ B1	verb - 吸引 (xīyǐn)
opposite /ˈɒp.ə.zɪt/ B1	adjective - 相反 (xiāngfǎn)
comfort /ˈkʌm.fərt/ B1	verb - 安慰 (ānwèi)
period /ˈpɪər.i.əd/ B1	noun - 月经 (yuèjīng)
comforting /ˈkʌm.fər.tɪŋ/ B2	adjective - 令人安慰的 (lìng rén ānwèi de)