– 英语/中文 双语歌词

歌词与翻译

[中文]

所以这将是一部个人视频，因为它是关于分手的

，而且是不久前发生的分手，但是当我在上面制作视频时，

我认为我还没有准备好或没有视角来分享我今天想要与大家分享的内容

，那是因为我不知道

因为当时，我以为我们分手是因为

她有一个我有一套价值观，但我有另一套价值观——我们在生活中想要不同的东西——

，尽管我们彼此相爱，但这却让我们心碎。

但我意识到还有其他一些事情破坏了我们的关系

，而我什至没有意识到，而这是我让发生的事情

，所以我这样做是希望如果这是你或曾经是你或可能是你，

你会比我做得更好，我想首先为你提供一些关于这段关系的背景

，以便你知道它是否适合你，因为， 确实，这并不是针对每个人的关系建议 -

它实际上只针对那些与我即将讲述的故事相关的人。

背景是我们有一个非常男性化的人 和女性二分关系

我的意思很简单，就是 我们之间存在着一种异性相吸的现象

，我在很多关系中都看到了这一点，尽管不是全部，其中一个人——更有男子气概的人——

往往更加外向，他们往往更加关注未来，而

他们的情绪范围往往更窄 他们在任何一天都可能经历。

更具女性气质的人往往有更广泛的情绪 -

更高的高潮，更低的低谷 - 他们往往更多地活在当下

并且他们往往更关注自己的社交和家庭关系。

这并不意味着您不能拥有任何一个人的部分

但这只是意味着男性化的人往往生活在大部分时间 时间在这里，女性化的人往往住在这里

，当这两个人相遇时会发生什么，这可能会很棒 -

就像，火花是令人难以置信的，因为他们为彼此提供了

一些他们不经常得到的东西

，我认为对于我约会过的这个女人来说 - 我提供了， 对她来说，一种脚踏实地的观点和-

我认为我让她感到非常安全。

对我来说，我的情绪范围更广，我体验到了一些我所经历过的最

强烈的感觉，这让我感觉自己还活着

，坦率地说，我在那之前从未有过这种感觉。

真的，真的，真的很好的火花，但我注意到的一件事

以及我在恋爱关系早期注意到的一件事是，那些倾向于更加女性化和更加情绪化的人并不总是如此直接地沟通

...

我的意思是，三层沟通并不同步

而这三层 - 正如有人所说， 某人想要什么，以及某人需要什么。

举几个例子，只是一个非常基本的刻板印象 -

一个人即将在周五晚上出去。

他的女朋友出于某种原因对此不高兴，而且她看起来也不高兴

，他说：“怎么了？”她说：“别担心。没关系。走吧。”

现在，这三层通信是什么？

首先，从字面上看，她说的是：“走吧。”

如果你就走，你的处境可能不会很好

因为她说的和她想要的不一样。

她想要的或许是他留下来，对吗？并与她一起度过那段时光。

但她需要的可能是任何东西，具体取决于他们的关系背景。

也许她需要他说：“你知道吗？我完全忽视了你。

你是对的。今晚我要出去，因为我已经做好了计划，但我们一定要出去 明天做点什么，我会在下周末为你腾出时间。”

也许她需要他说，“你知道吗？

自从与朋友吵架后，您感到非常沮丧。 我认为这是需要你自己去解决的事情。

我要出去，但我们可以稍后再讨论，”- 这完全取决于关系的背景。

但我在这里要表达的观点是，我确实相信

，对于你最爱的人——你的家人、你的朋友、

，尤其是你的亲密关系——你的工作

当然是倾听他们的意见，并给予他们他们想要的

，但实际上，是提供他们需要的东西。

这就是我们在

关系开始时为彼此做的事情，因为她的三层有时不同步，

我经常不得不感觉到她需要什么

她所说的话背后正在发生什么，对吧？

例如，也许她对某件事感到不安

，而我们正在交谈；她说她想谈谈这件事。

我注意到，当她谈论这件事时，

她变得越来越不安 这并没有真正让她感觉好一些。

当时，我说：“嘿，等一下。过来吧。”

我给了她一个大大的拥抱，我会讲个笑话，她笑了，然后她，

她在我身上哭了，20 秒后，她哭完后，她会说，

“谢谢你。我需要那个，”然后第二天，我们实际上可以 解决问题并讨论它并提出解决方案。

这是一个不听东西的例子 有人刚刚说过，但是某人需要什么

，在我们关系开始时，我们都能够切入

，以如此强烈的方式给对方他们需要的东西

当然，很多时候我们所说的话 事实上，大多数时候我们所需要的都是一样的。

但是当他们不匹配时，对方就知道

，而我，尤其是，感觉自己对她的价值体系

有很好的把握，最终会让她感觉良好，并且我能够以一种让我们非常非常亲密的方式传递它

。

所以这很长一段时间都很好，但随着关系的进展

，尤其是在最后，我忽视了这一点，而之前我只是有这种

直觉，我知道该怎么做——我知道她需要一个拥抱，

我知道她需要说话，我知道她需要空间，

我知道她需要我和她在一起——不管是什么，

我再也感觉不到了。

所以我发现自己陷入了争论

，20 分钟后我会想，“我们是怎么到这里的

，为什么我不知道如何让我们离开这里？”

我不知道她需要什么，我感觉与她脱节了，

而且情况变得如此糟糕，以至于我实际上更频繁地撞到她

就像我无法预测她要去哪里一样。

我试图在我的大脑中弄清楚这一切，

“我们是如何从感觉如此同步变成如此脱节的？”

然后我意识到，这种事情一直在发生

，那就是我失去了男性中心。

我知道这听起来很嬉皮士 - 非常呜呜 -

但我的意思是

我非常害怕这段关系会结束

这对我来说意义重大，因为它在我体内创造了如此多的积极感觉

我不再做那些我需要做的事情来成为一个脚踏实地的人

而不是真正理解她当时需要什么，

我开始只听她说的话，因为我只想解决问题； 我希望一切都变得更好，所以我只是听了她说的话，然后我交付了

，但我没有给她她需要的东西。

有时我什至没有听她所说的完全公平的话。

抱歉。如果她一直在看的话，她会说 我自始至终都没有听她说话。

但我确实忽视了她需要什么

，这意味着随着时间的推移，我们慢慢疏远了。

现在为了解决这个问题——因为我失去了男性核心——我想， “哦，你知道我需要做什么吗？我需要把这段关系抓得更紧。”

所以到最后，当事情进展不顺利时，

我计划了三个星期让我们呆在一起

在这一点上，她甚至说 - 她知道 - 她就像，“嘿，我不认为 这是个好主意，”我说，“不，不，不。我们必须这样做，”

但我的直觉，我告诉我们需要什么的直觉完全错了

，因为我只是生活在担心这段关系会结束的恐惧中。

所以我计划了三周，我们一起度过，虽然一开始还不错，

我们都断绝了联系——就我而言，我的朋友们， 和她的情况，主要是她的家人

，并且彼此花费了很多时间， 小事情就被夸大了。

比如说，我们在排队，准备去买点吃的，

她有点脾气暴躁，因为她还没吃东西 那天，她对我有点不耐烦；

在恋爱关系的早期，我会知道，“这与我无关。

她饿了。随它去吧。她会没事的 她吃饭的时候三分钟”，这就是发生的事情。

但是因为我害怕这段关系会结束，

我因为她不高兴而感到不安，我感到不安，现在尽管她很好

三分钟后，我心生怨恨，这种怨恨

持续了几个小时，然后引发了另一场争吵，一直持续到晚上。

这就是破坏我们关系的原因；是我失去了男性中心。

只有在与这段关系保持这种距离后，我才意识到

我停止做的事情 - 那些我不再做的事情和习惯 I need and, I think, probably a lot of guys might — to maintain that.

所以我现在想与你分享这些是什么，因为

如果你失去了这一点，并且无法给对方所需的东西，

你就会失去那种我认为与生俱来的直觉

当你真的与某人合拍并且了解他们的价值观时，

它可能会结束这段关系，因此这些东西可能会产生女性推论

或者更确切地说是女性核心 — 我不知道，这不是我的经验 — 但我只想与您分享我后来做的三件事 -

我希望我早点做 - 但您可以做 if you find yourself in this kind of a situation.

The first one is absolutely create time for male bonding.

这听起来很简单，但我看到很多男人遇到了一个让他们着迷的女孩

，他们只是想花所有的时间在一起

，然后他们开始将自己与男性朋友隔离；这不是一个好主意。

I know it sounds romantic to be the only people in the world that you need

but that, for me and I think for many men who have the same kind of a core that I would say that I do,

is that you need to replenish that perspective.

有趣的是，我们分手后，我确实有更多的时间

，我打电话给我的朋友，他们立即在与他们的交谈中，

让我意识到，我对我们关于食物的愚蠢争论

是多么缺乏洞察力，因为她脾气暴躁。

我简直不敢相信我怎么会如此沉浸在这一刻并如此心烦意乱。

他们帮助我接地。

他们取笑我，取笑我，这让我感觉更加专注。

不幸的是，当我没有在这段关系中为此创造时间时，

事情就搞砸了。

第二个是你需要保留那些一开始吸引她的东西

。

我意识到，当很多人开始恋爱关系时，他们会调情，

他们很有趣，他们很有挑战性，他们很危险，而且有点急躁。

随着关系的发展，它变得非常有逻辑。

“今晚你想做什么？你想看什么电影 喜欢看吗？你想要意大利语吗？” “我不想”，

这可能非常有爱，但它失去了火花。

如果你想拥有这种极性，你需要—— 第一，创造分开的时间，我认为很重要，与你的朋友

，第二，你需要与你正在约会的人调情

，为了做到这一点，我确实相信你必须与世界调情，对吧？

我花了很多时间担心这段关系，以至于当我

与世界上的某人就这个男孩或女孩互动时，我非常直率。

过去，当我去 Chipotle 或与某人交谈时，

我总是在胡闹，我很开心，我在开玩笑，

我正在建立关系，但因为我太着迷和害怕

这种关系即将结束，我不再与世界调情。

现在我所说的调情并不是指一定是异性；而是说调情。

可能是，但不一定是。

你只需要在外面乱搞、好玩、有挑战性、与人相处

，然后你就把这种能量带入你们的关系中， 它让事情变得更好；它让火花不断燃烧。

第三，我认为这是我忽略的最重要的事情，

是你需要一个比关系更重要的目标。

我知道这是有争议的，但我确实相信 这对于拥有男性中心的人来说很重要。

如果您不同意，请随时在评论中告诉我。

事实上，我不应该如此肯定地说这对每个人都是如此；

这对我来说是这样，也许对你来说也是这样。

但是当我早上醒来时，对我来说

生命中出现的最重要的事情就是确保这段关系不会结束。

这意味着，与其将这种关系视为

，我只是想给予积极的情感——在那里我度过了美好的一天，

当我看到她时，我只是准备将这些令人惊奇的故事和情感倾倒在她身上。

是我不再真正享受生活中的许多事情

我以前喜欢的事情，我去找她让我 感受到爱、联系和平和——

这是灾难的根源。

我开始将这段关系视为一口可以汲取的井 而不是一个我可以装满的杯子。

当我分开后，我开始重新思考对我来说真正重要的事情

，我又回到了我一直在做的 Charisma on Command 但说实话，努力帮助更多的人

并思考这个目标并真正致力于此，

所有这些暂时只来自她的感受 —

这些联系、爱和做正确的事情的感觉 我开始在自己身上感受到这一点。

它让我以一种我没有的方式传播这一点，所以

如果你对此感兴趣，你需要的是一个比你们的关系更重要的目标

我知道让你们的关系成为唯一的事情听起来很浪漫

但我的经历是，在确保我为世界做一些

有所贡献、有所回馈的事情时，这很好 —

当然，我的关系也发挥了一部分作用，而且她确实提供了帮助 事实上，我创造了指挥魅力，她喜欢成为其中的一部分

，而将她排除在外，我的意思是，这是多么愚蠢的想法

，但我这样做是因为我只是想，“不，这种关系必须有效。”

在失去这个目标时，实际上，最重要的是，我失去了男性中心。

我失去了奉献世界的动力，我失去了回馈世界的动力， 我变得如此痴迷于我可能会失去的东西。

如果你这样做，你就绝对会失去这段关系，所以

我想制作这个视频不仅仅是为了忏悔，而是因为

我确实认为我看到很多人这样做，不幸的是，

对于男人和女人来说，当他们进入一段关系时，

他们迷失了自己；我想说他们失去了中心。

很明显，我是从男性角度说的 但绝对有女性视角。

如果我的前任要制作这个视频，她可以告诉你她的经历

但你不应该只是迷失在另一个人身上

再说一次，我并不是想宣扬，我很抱歉这样做

但这是我的经历，迷失自己和 另一个人并不是建立健康关系的方式。

与那个人在一起时，你需要以自我为中心

，这就是你如何建立令人惊叹的关系的方式；你维持

你的人际关系、你的生活、你的家庭和你朋友的目标。

你将那个人纳入其中，但你不会忽视那些让你独立于他们工作的事物

，因为如果你这样做，

你不仅会毁掉自己，还会毁掉这段关系。

所以我希望您觉得本文有所帮助，而不是胡言乱语

如果你愿意的话，也许是自我放纵，但我确实想这样做 做这个是因为我认为它可能对某些人有帮助。

在我让你们离开之前，最后一件事是 我们即将聘请我们的视频编辑安德烈。

他制作 YouTube 视频已经很长时间了，他将开始

并且已经开始为 Instagram 创建内容

所以如果您想关注更简短的内容，您可以在 Instagram 上关注

@charismaoncommand，或者如果您想关注我，

这是我工作室中的更多照片，这些内容是我现在在加利福尼亚州的生活中发生的事情

所以如果您想关注我，我是 Instagram 上的@charliehoupert。

我们很高兴在那里见到你们，因为我期待着创造

种不同风格的内容，因为我已经重新认识到我的目的，即

现在只是指挥魅力；它触动了我的心。我脸红了。

但无论如何，我爱你们。

非常感谢您观看此视频。

希望您喜欢它，我们下一篇再见。

[英语]

So this is going to be kind of a personal video and it's because it's about a breakup

and it's a breakup that happened a while ago but when I made the video on it,

I don't think that I was ready or had the perspective to share what I want to share

with you today and that's because I didn't know it

because at the time, I thought that we broke up because

she had one set of values, I had another — we wanted different things in our life —

and despite the fact that we loved each other, it just broke us.

But I realized that there was something else that sabotaged our relationship

without me even realizing it and it was something that I let happen

so I'm making this in the hopes that if this is you or has been you or could be you,

that you do better than I did and I want to start by kind of giving you some context

to this relationship so that you can see if it is for you because, truly, this is not a relationship advice for everyone —

it's really only for the people who relate to the stories that I'm about to tell.

And the context is that we had a very masculine and feminine dichotomous relationship

and what I mean by that, very simply, is that we had kind of an opposites-attract thing going on

and I see this in many relationships, though not all, where one person — the more masculine person —

tends to be more outwardly-focused, they tend to be more future-focused, and

they tend to have a more narrow range of emotions that they might experience on any given day.

And the person who is more feminine tends to have a wider range of emotions —

higher highs, lower lows — they tend to live more in the present moment

and they tend to be more focused on their social and familial connections.

This doesn't mean that you can't have bits of either person

but it just means that the masculine person tends to live most of the time here and the feminine person tends to live over here

and what happens when those two people meet is it can be awesome —

like, the sparks are incredible because they provide for each other

something that they don't often get

and I think for this woman that I dated — I provided, for her, a sense of groundedness perspective and —

I think I made her feel very safe.

For me, I got this wider range of emotions, I got to experience some of the most

intense feelings that I've ever gotten and it made me feel alive

in ways that I, quite frankly, hadn't up until that point.

So really, really, really good sparks but one of the things that I have noticed

and I noticed early in the relationship is that people who tend to be a bit more

feminine and a bit more emotionally-driven don't always communicate so directly

and what I mean is that the three layers of communication are not in sync

and those three layers are — what someone says, what someone wants, and what someone needs.

So a couple of examples, just a very basic stereotypical one —

a guy is about to go out on a Friday night.

His girlfriend is not happy about it for whatever reason and she doesn't look happy

and he says, "What's wrong?" and she says, "Don't worry about it. It's fine. Just go."

Now, what are these three layers of communication?

First, literally, what she says is, "Just go."

If you were to just go, you would probably be not in a very good place

because what she says and what she wants are not the same.

What she wants is for him to stay perhaps, right? And to spend that time with her.

But what she needs could be anything depending on the context of their relationship.

Maybe she needs him to say, "You know what? I've been totally neglecting you.

You're right. I'm going to go out tonight because I made plans but let's definitely do something tomorrow and I'm going to block off next weekend for you."

Maybe she needs him to say, "You know what?

You've kind of been really upset since you got in a fight with your friend. I think that this is something you need to work through on your own.

I'm going to go out but we can talk about it later," — it completely depends on the context of the relationship.

But the point that I am making here is that I do believe

that with the people that you love the most — your family, your friends,

and especially your intimate relationships — it is your job

to of course listen to what they say and to give them what they want

but, really, to deliver what they need.

And that is what we were able to do for one another at the beginning of this

relationship and because her three layers were sometimes out of sync,

I oftentimes had to feel what she needed

that was going on underneath what she was saying, right?

So for instance, maybe she was upset about something

and we were having a conversation; she said she wanted to talk about it.

And I noticed that as she was talking about it,

she was just getting more and more upset and it wasn't really helping her feel better.

At the time, I said, "Hey, hold on one sec. Just come over here."

I gave her a big hug, I'd crack a joke, she laughed and then she ,

she cried on me and 20 seconds later after she was done crying, she'd say,

"Thank you. I needed that," and then the next day, we could actually address the problem and talk about it and come up with solutions.

That's an example of listening not to what someone just said but what someone needs

and at the beginning of our relationship, we were both just able to cut through

and give the other one what they needed in such an intense way

and of course, there were plenty of times where what we said and what we needed were the same — in fact, most of the time.

But when they didn't match up, the other person just knew

and I, especially, feel like I had such a good grasp on her value system

on what ultimately was going to make her feel good and I was able to deliver it

in a way that made us really, really close.

So that went great for a long time but as the relationship progressed

and especially at the end, I lost sight of that and whereas before I just had this

gut feeling where I knew what to do — I knew she needed a hug,

I knew that she needed to talk, I know that she needed space,

I knew that she needed me to come be with her — whatever it was,

I couldn't feel it anymore.

And so I'd find myself in conversations that turn to arguments

and after 20 minutes I go, "How did we get here

and how come I don't know how to get us out of here?"

I don't know what she needs, I felt disconnected from her,

and it got so bad that I was, literally, even more frequently bumping into her

like I couldn't anticipate where she was going.

And I was trying to puzzle this all out in my brain,

"How did we go from feeling so in sync to just so disconnected?"

and I realized, it is something that happens all the time

and it's that I lost my masculine center.

And I know that sounds very hippie-dippie — very woo woo —

but what I mean by that is that

I got so scared that the relationship would end

and it meant so much to me because it created so many positive feelings in me

that I stopped doing the things that I needed to do to be this grounded person

and instead of really understanding what she needed at the time,

I started listening only to what she was saying because I just wanted to fix things; I wanted everything to be better so I just listened to what she said and I delivered

but I wasn't giving her what she needed.

And sometimes I wasn't even listening to what she says to be to be totally fair.

And I'm sorry. If she's been watching that, she would say I didn't listen to her the whole time.

But I did lose sight of what she needed

and what that meant is that over time, we slowly drew apart.

Now in order to fix this — because I'd lost my masculine core — I thought, "Oh, you know what I need to do? I need to grip this relationship tighter."

So towards the end, when things weren't going fantastic,

I planned three weeks for us to just stay together

and at this point, she even said — she knew — she's like, "Hey, I don't think that's a great idea," and I said, "No, no, no. We have to do this,"

but again, my gut, my intuition for telling us what we needed was completely off

because I was just living kind of in fear that this relationship would end.

So I planned three weeks, we spent them together, and while it started okay,

we both disconnected from — on my case my friends, and her case, primarily her family

and just spending so much time with each other, little things got blown tremendously out of proportion.

For instance, we're standing in line, we're about to get some food,

she's a little bit peevish because she hasn't eaten that day and she's just a little bit short with me;

early in the relationship, I would know, "That has nothing to do with me.

She's hungry. Let it go. She's going to be fine in three minutes when she eats," which is what happened.

But because I was scared that the relationship was going to end,

I was upset that she was upset, I got upset, and now even though she was fine

three minutes later, I was harboring a grudge and that grudge

lasted for hours and then created another argument that went into the evening.

That is what destroyed our relationship; it is me losing my masculine center.

And it's only having gotten this distance from the relationship that I realized

the things that I stopped doing — the practices and the habits that I need and, I think, probably a lot of guys might — to maintain that.

So I want to share with you now what those are because

if you lose that and you can't give the other person what they need,

you lose that intuitive sense that I do believe comes kind of inborn

when you really do click with someone and you understand their values,

it can end the relationship so there might be a female corollary to these things

or rather a feminine core — I don't know, that's not my experience — but I just want to share with you the three things that I did afterwards —

I wish that I have done earlier — but that you can potentially do if you find yourself in this kind of a situation.

The first one is absolutely create time for male bonding.

And it sounds so simple but I see so many guys who meet a girl

that they're crazy about and they just want to spend all their time together

and they begin to isolate themselves from their male friends; this is not a good idea.

I know it sounds romantic to be the only people in the world that you need

but that, for me and I think for many men who have the same kind of a core that I would say that I do,

is that you need to replenish that perspective.

And what was so interesting is that after we broke up and I did have more time

and I called my friends, they immediately, in conversation with them,

made me realize how lacking in perspective I'd be over this stupid argument

that we had about food in the fact that she was peevish.

I couldn't believe how I got so caught up in the moment and so upset.

They helped ground me.

They teased me, they poked fun at me, and it just made me feel more centered.

Unfortunately, when I didn't create time for that in the relationship, well,

that kind of messed things up.

The second one is that you need to keep the things

that attracted her to you in the first place.

And what I realized is that when a lot of people start relationships, they're flirtatious,

they're fun, they're challenging, they're dangerous and a little bit edgy.

And then as the relationship develops, it becomes so logistical.

"What do you want to do tonight? What movies would you like to watch? Do you want Italian?" "I don't want to,"

and it could be very loving but it loses that spark.

You need to, if you want to have that polarity, — one, create the time apart, I think is important, with your friends

and two, you need to flirt with the person that you're dating

and in order to do that, I do believe that you have to flirt with the world, right?

I spent so much time just worrying about this relationship that when I would interact

with someone in the world about this guy or a girl, I was so straightforward.

In the past, when I went into Chipotle or I talked to someone,

I always was messing around, I was having fun, I was cracking jokes,

and I was creating relationships but because I got so obsessed and so scared

that this relationship was going to end, I stopped flirting with the world.

Now I'm not saying flirting in the sense that it must be someone of the opposite sex;

it could be but it doesn't have to be.

You just need to mess around, be playful, be challenging, and be fun with people

out there and you bring that energy to your relationship, it makes it better; it keeps that spark going.

And third, and I believe this is the most important thing that I lost sight of,

is that you need a purpose that is bigger than the relationship.

And I know that this is controversial but I do believe that it is important for people that have a masculine center.

If you disagree, feel free to let me know in the comments.

In fact, I shouldn't say with such certainty that this is true of everybody;

this is true of me, maybe it's true of you.

But when I woke up in the morning, the most important thing for me

that had appeared in my life was making sure that this relationship didn't end.

And what that meant is that rather than treating this relationship as somewhere

where I want to just give positive emotions — where I was having an amazing day,

when I saw her, I was just ready to dump these amazing stories and emotions on her.

It was that I stopped really enjoying so many of the things in my life

that I used to enjoy and I went to her to make me feel loved and connected and peaceful —

that is a recipe for disaster.

I began treating the relationship like a well to be drawn from rather than a cup that I could fill up.

When I separated and I started to reconnect with the things that really matters

to me and I came back to Charisma on Command which I've been doing but really thinking about, honestly, trying to help more people

and thinking about that purpose and really dedicating myself to that,

all of these feelings that had, for awhile, only come from her —

these feelings of connection and love and doing the right thing and being significant, I started to feel that in myself.

And it let me spread that in a way that I didn't so

if you relate to this, what you need is a purpose that is bigger than your relationship

and I know it sounds romantic to have your relationship be the only thing

but what I have experienced is that in making sure that I'm doing something

for the world that contributes, that gives back, and that is good —

and that my relationship, of course, plays a part of it and she absolutely did help me create Charisma on Command in fact and she loved ot be a part of it

and in excluding her from that, I mean, what a dumb thought

but I did it because I was just like, "No, this relationship must work."

In losing that purpose, really, more than anything, I lost that masculine center.

I lost that drive to give to the world, I lost that drive to give back, and I became so obsessed with what I might lose.

If you do that, you stand to absolutely losing the relationship and so

I wanted to create this video not just as a confessional but because

I do think that I see a lot of people doing this and it is unfortunately very common

both for men and women that when they get into a relationship,

they lose themselves; I would say they lose their center.

So clearly, I'm speaking from a masculine perspective but there's absolutely a feminine perspective.

If my ex were to make this video, she could tell you about her experience

but you need to not just lose yourself in another person

and again, I don't mean to proclaim and I'm sorry for doing this

but it has been my experience that losing yourself and another person is not the way to have a healthy relationship.

You need to be your centered self with that person

and that is how you create an amazing relationship; you maintain

your relationship's, your life, your family, and your friends' purpose.

You incorporate that person into it but you don't lose sight of the things

that make you work independently of them because if you do,

not only you're screwing yourself but you're screwing the relationship.

So I hope that you have found this helpful and not to rambley

and perhaps self-indulgent if you will but I did want to make this because I think that it might help some people.

One last thing before I let you guys go is that we are so close to hiring our video editor, Andre.

He's been doing the YouTube videos for a long time and he's going to start,

and already has, creating content for Instagram

so if you want to follow a little bit more short form content, you can follow

@charismaoncommand on Instagram or if you want to follow me,

this is more pictures in my studio stuff that's going on in my life in California right now

so if you want to follow me, it's @charliehoupert on Instagram.

We'd love to see you guys on there because I am looking forward to creating

kind of different styles of content as I have reconnected with my purpose which is

just Charisma on Command right now; it touches my heart. I'm blushing.

But anyways, I love you guys.

Thank you so much for watching this video.

I hope you enjoyed it and I will see you in the next one.

重点词汇

词汇	含义
breakup /ˈbreɪkʌp/ B1	noun - 分手 (fēnshǒu)
perspective /pərˈspektɪv/ B2	noun - 观点 (guāndiǎn)
values /ˈvæljuːz/ B1	noun - 价值观 (jiàzhíguān)
sabotaged /ˈsæbəteɪdʒd/ B2	verb - 破坏 (pòhuài)
context /ˈkɒntekst/ B1	noun - 背景 (bèijǐng)
masculine /ˈmæskjʊlaɪn/ B2	adjective - 阳刚的 (yánggāng de)
feminine /ˈfemɪniːn/ B2	adjective - 阴柔的 (yīnróu de)
dichotomous /daɪˈkɒtəməs/ C1	adjective - 二分法的的 (èrfēn fǎ de)
outwardly /ˈaʊtwədli/ B1	adverb - 外向地 (wàixiàng de)
intense /ɪnˈtens/ B1	adjective - 强烈的 (qiángliè de)
groundedness /ˈɡraʊndɪdnəs/ B2	noun - 踏实感 (tàshí gǎn)
communicate /kəˈmjuːnɪkeɪt/ A2	verb - 沟通 (gōutōng)
layers /ˈleɪərz/ B1	noun - 层 (céng)
needs /niːdz/ A2	noun - 需要 (xūyào)
deliver /dɪˈlɪvər/ B1	verb - 交付 (jiāofù)
obsessed /əbˈsesd/ B2	adjective - 痴迷的 (chīmí de)