This is outrageous!
00:06
We're the best twin gamers in the world.
00:08
Did you not see us
at the Twin Cyber Olympics?
00:10
The answer's still no.
00:14
I'm sure that a dirty old poor person
like you making 30 grand a year
00:21
could benefit from a little...
I don't know, check for $900,000?
00:25
You're right, mom.
We <i>are</i> bad with money.
00:41
At first, you weren't getting in
because you're 12
00:44
and this is a high school,
00:47
but now you're never getting in
'cause you're terrible people.
00:49
Terrible? (chuckles)
00:53
If we're so terrible,
how come we get everything we want?
00:55
Exactly what a terrible person would say.
00:59
(scoffs) Fine, wanna play hardball?
01:03
Mom, buy this school for us.
01:05
Mom: Now, boys, I just bought
you an energy drink company to run.
01:07
Mom: Tell you what.
01:11
Get your stock up to $400 a share
and maybe we'll buy you VGHS.
01:12
You hear that, Calhoun?
01:17
- Hostile takeover.
- We're gonna buy your dumb school
01:18
and throw you out on the street!
01:20
You'll rue the day you
ever said no to Ashley --
01:22
Move over Napalm,
'cause Jock Juice has come to town!
02:07
This is where your money belongs.
02:10
Teenagers are clapping
hard for Jock Juice.
02:12
Well, my win, as with all my wins,
can be attributed
02:14
solely to this delicious
beverage, Jock Juice.
02:17
Juice up your jocks with Jock Juice!
02:20
Slam it into your underpants
and feel the surge.
02:23
...okay, it's good.
It's good, it's a good beverage.
02:33
(school bell rings)
03:21
Whoo, lemme hear it ring!
03:41
Cool tattoo, nice shoes, up top!
03:42
♪ Do you wanna hear about how
the real world's the place for me? ♪
03:58
♪ Things looking out there
won't look better on a TV screen. ♪
04:06
♪ Is there a better way? ♪
04:12
♪ I don't care what you say. ♪
04:14
♪ I just wanna play! ♪
04:16
♪ We all just wanna play! ♪
04:17
♪ Things will be all right ♪
04:19
♪ Soon as I get back to school. ♪
04:21
Well, here we go, guys.
04:33
Ted, you call us if you
need anything, okay?
04:36
Thank you Mr. and Mrs. Swan...for everything.
04:38
Especially Overdrift Rally Rash!
04:42
(laughter)
You guys are tops.
04:43
Sweetie, you take care.
I'm gonna miss you.
04:50
All right! The boys
and Ki are back in town.
05:04
Watch out, VGHS.
We're comin' for ya!
05:08
The election was, like, forever ago.
05:15
No one's gonna remember who you are.
05:17
And Brian, dude, come on.
05:19
You and Jenny? Come on!
05:22
I know, I know, you're right.
I just...I don't know.
05:26
I think I know what I gotta say to her,
and I'm nervous.
05:30
I hope she takes me back.
05:33
Did this school get bigger,
or did we get smaller?
05:41
Eh. Looks like
the same ol' VGHS to me.
05:44
Give it up for The Silver
Sun Pickups, everybody.
05:53
That's why we come
to school on a Sunday, people.
05:58
Now, uh, on to morning announcements.
06:01
I - I noticed that the student fund
was getting a little low,
06:05
so I dug into my big ol' Pizza pockets
and got some...drum roll, please...
06:08
New computers for the social gamers!
06:17
Come on down, you guys.
06:20
Oh, man.
Don't they look happy?
06:24
Shane: Now, I didn't have to do that.
06:31
Because we're all one big family.
06:35
You are my family.
You are mine!
06:38
You are mine, VGHS!
06:43
That's hucking those omelettes, gangs.
Smash Mouth is up next.
06:49
Girl: Oh, here she comes.
Way to go, Heather.
06:57
"VGHS MVP and Captain Jenny Matrix missed a key sniper shot in the national high school championships against Napalm Energy Drink High School."
07:05
Guys! No!
What? No running!
07:18
Please, no throwing stuff!
07:20
I-huh-hey!
Hey, Ki!
07:21
- You're back.
- Yes.
07:24
- I see they've made you RA.
- Yeah, well, once you left
07:25
nobody wanted to take the job,
so I thought, "I'll do it!"
07:28
Anywhos, so it's been really tough,
but you're back, so that's great.
07:33
(throws poster down)
07:36
Um...so...speaking of which,
you have bathroom duty today.
07:38
Uh, the girls, they say it's clean,
but they know I won't go in there,
07:48
so I think they're lying. (chuckles)
07:51
Will you-will you get that
done by tomorrow, please?
07:53
Oh, come on!
Not you too, Ki.
07:58
Why does nobody listen to me?! (whines)
08:00
It's because you're weak, Wendell.
08:06
- And the world preys on the weak.
- Guh!
08:09
God, what's...bleh, what's wrong with you?
08:12
I thought helping
people was your thing.
08:14
I have a new thing now.
08:18
Wendell: You're getting
a frowny sticker, Ki!
08:22
Go ahead.
I don't care.
08:29
Like crap you don't, Ki Swan!
08:31
You invented the sticker system, okay?
08:33
You're the only one who cares
about it and if you don't clean
08:35
the bathroom in 24 hours,
your name is getting a frowny sticker!
08:38
Wendell: 24 hours, Ki!
08:43
Brake! (imitates squealing wheels)
08:47
What up, Drift people!
Who's ready to get their rally on...?
08:48
You find us at our darkest hour.
09:01
Sorry about that whole "dad" thing.
09:03
We got you a basket.
09:07
Oh, thanks.
What happened to your head?
09:08
The Dutchess of Fart and her
Fart Goons shaved it in my sleep!
09:13
She thinks that if I have no hair
I won't want that coupon for that perm.
09:18
They've been pranking us all week.
I think it's time we strike back.
09:22
Hide this in your pants.
09:26
I was really hoping we could play.
09:28
(continued firing of the Nerf Longshot)
09:52
"Mathster" Chief: Lieutenant, start the engine!
09:56
Lieutenant: Sir, I can't solve this equation!
Do you know the variable?
09:59
I don't.
(to audience) But maybe you do.
10:04
Okay, gang, "Mathster" Chief
can't fix his warthog
10:09
until we find the correct equation.
10:13
Uh, is the equation "Jenny -
Brian = Can I get a taste?"
10:20
Get out, Sebastian.
10:26
- Worth a shot.
- Coach Matrix: Out!
10:28
- It's x - 2.
- (chuckling)
10:31
Jenny, show us how it's done.
10:39
Nice going, <i>craptain</i>.
10:56
Can't even hit a variable.
10:58
Keep missing, Jenny.
It's still funny.
11:02
Okay, that's enough.
11:04
Yeah, so, I'm ditching.
11:06
Don't miss the door on your way out!
11:10
Oh, hey, Rosie.
I'm taking my break.
11:22
Hey, J-Jenny.
What's up, stranger?
11:32
Brian, you're back.
11:34
Yeah, just hangin' out.
11:36
Well, what're you up to?
11:39
Just ditching class.
11:40
Uh - oh...cool, that's new for you.
11:42
Yeah, so is being dumped
and made fun of by the entire school.
11:45
- Oh.
- Did you need something?
11:50
I had a whole game plan, but...
11:56
but you just said...
I kinda gotta change it.
11:58
I've had some time
to think about it and I'm sorry.
12:04
Okay, no. (sighs)
I'm sorry.
12:11
I just think that we should talk about us.
12:13
Brian, I don't even know what I
would say to you about "us" right now.
12:16
Uh, well for starters I was hoping
there could even be an us...
12:19
...and you're leaving.
12:23
Um, so, what're we doing again?
12:31
How many times do we
have to explain this?
12:35
The Duchess and I won
the Trivia Bowl last week,
12:38
and the first place prize was one coupon
for a highlight and perm
12:41
at the Beyond Two Souls Beauty Salon.
12:44
I thought I deserved it.
12:47
She thought differently.
12:50
We quarreled and Calhoun
took the coupon away.
12:52
He won't give it back until
we decide on who gets it.
12:55
That's when the pranks began.
12:58
Um, okay.
So what do you want me to do?
13:01
Shoot her in the head.
13:09
Ew! Gum in the hair?
13:11
Dude, that's way gross and mean.
13:12
We tried to take the high road,
but look what she's done to us.
13:16
Everything smells like super glue.
13:19
What would you have us do, Ted?
Lie down and die?
13:22
- Well, no, but--
- Come on, dude.
13:25
You're the John Wilkes Booth
of sling shots.
13:27
He's the guy that killed Lincoln.
13:30
(sighs) Fine, okay, I'll do it.
13:32
Well, that's what friends are for, right?
13:35
That's the spirit, Ted!
13:37
Oh, already hard at work, I see. Huh?
13:57
If you need more bleach,
there's...okay, what?
13:58
What the heck is that?
14:01
Oh, didn't you hear?
14:03
I'm hosting a 24 hour
game design competition.
14:04
So much for bathroom duty.
14:08
Oh, haha. Nice try, Ki!
But if you want to host
14:09
a school event, you're gonna need--
14:12
Waivers, signed in triplicate by Calhoun.
14:13
Okay...um...fine, fine.
14:16
Once you're done, just go
clean the bathroom, okay?
14:19
In 24 hours it will be Zoe's turn
to clean the bathroom.
14:22
This - this isn't you, Ki!
Why are you being such a jerk?
14:30
Because life is meaningless.
14:34
I have a game to design,
so if you could just please leave.
14:41
Or stay and design a game.
It's a game jam.
14:44
Computer: "Sushi_Princess" wins.
15:06
Man: GTFO, Jenny!
You suck! (laughs)
15:08
You wanna come say that to my face?!
15:11
Oh, that's what I thought.
15:14
Young girl's voice: So, it really is you.
15:16
The number one player
in that game you just sucked at.
15:25
You're Sushi_Princess?
15:30
What happened to you, Matrix?
You used to be my hero.
15:31
You used to be the best.
15:34
Then Brian gave you cooties
and you've sucked ever since.
15:36
Okay, well, that's not fair.
15:39
- (spits)
- (gasps)
15:40
Life ain't fair!
Grow a pair.
15:41
I really like that kid.
15:49
(sarcastically) Yay, mom's here.
15:51
Come on, let's get a burger.
Pity party's over.
15:53
I've lost her forever, old buddy.
16:05
Oh, crap!
They made us!
17:52
Wha-whoa-whoa! (grunts)
17:53
Duchess: Well, well, well.
17:58
His majesty's loyal lapdog.
17:59
Duchess, I'm really sorry
about your hair.
18:01
Well, in that case I guess
we're even, huh?
18:08
So, truce please - oh, please Duchess, please!
18:09
Please, please, I just got back to school.
All I want is to play video games.
18:11
Oh, Ted.
You're right.
18:16
You've had a tough week.
18:19
- Oh, that was very nice of you.
- Calhoun!
18:23
- Ted did it.
- Wha-?
18:26
- (school bell rings)
- Detention for the rest of the day.
18:34
Calhoun, I swear it wasn't me.
18:36
Ted, I'm a grown man
with gum in my hair!
18:38
Someone's going down.
That someone is you.
18:41
- But--
- Spare me.
18:44
You and the Drifters have been
pulling this crap all year.
18:45
(sighs) Yes, sir.
I'm sorry, sir.
18:49
Look, I know it's tough,
what's happened with your dad.
18:55
And being a teen is hard, I guess.
18:58
But, dammit, grow up!
19:02
This school better be on fire.
19:09
Well, what if it is on fire?
19:17
Uh, Calhoun's office.
19:25
DK: <i>Ted, this is DK.
Get the coupon.</i>
19:27
<i>Bottom left drawer. Go!</i>
19:28
- (frustrated) DK, I just got <i>super</i> in trouble!
- <i>Get that coupon!</i>
19:30
- (hangs up)
- GOD!
19:34
How do you make, um, video games?
19:44
First rule: no talking.
19:48
Second rule: sit over there.
19:50
Hello, knock, knock, knock!
19:58
(sighs) What is this?
What're you doing?
20:02
Well, as Head RA, it is my duty
to help students in need.
20:04
And, Miss Swan, you need
to talk about your feels.
20:07
So I'm not going to leave
here until you do.
20:11
I'm an artist.
I don't talk.
20:14
Huh. Hey, this is kinda cool.
20:25
- You can leave now.
- What, that's it?
20:37
You just walk until you let go
and then you die?
20:39
Yep, that's the whole game.
20:42
But that's stupid!
What's the point of playing?
20:43
Oh my god, Ki!
Please be more pretentious.
20:48
It's not pretentious, Wendell.
You're just too dumb to get it.
20:51
(mumbling) That's right, Wendell.
You're dumb.
20:53
(scoffs) Well then, I guess
dumb old Wendell will just have
20:58
to play your dumb old game
until he figures it out.
21:01
(Ki) There's nothing
to figure out, Wendell.
21:04
Well, then it's gonna be
a loooong 21 hours, Ki.
21:06
- I'm outta here.
- (Wendell) Bye.
21:11
How about some music?
21:21
<i>(DJ) You're listening to NPR,</i>
<i>the Napalm Player Report,</i>
21:24
<i>and we're talking with Ashley Barnstormer.</i>
21:28
Speaking of timing, I was gonna
tell you this after class
21:36
but the commandos need me
back earlier than I thought.
21:38
The OTA's are Monday, so tomorrow.
21:44
Yeah, the new owners
have to flex their muscles.
21:51
- And since school is wrapping up--
- Mom, it's fine.
21:53
You know, you gotta go.
I get it.
21:56
Why are you touching me?
22:09
I'm...comforting you?
22:11
Is that a question?
22:13
You know, I'm trying to be a mom here.
22:14
Yeah? Well, you're terrible at it.
22:17
Yeah? Well...(stammers)
22:19
Your boyfriend dumped you.
22:21
(laughs) You know,
I don't even know why we try.
22:23
Jenny! Wait!
Come back here.
22:32
Jenny!
Get back here!
22:35
- What?!
- You weren't stopping.
22:40
Okay, mom.
Here's your chance.
22:43
- Parent me.
- Oh, shit.
22:45
Listen, you don't need me here, okay?
22:51
You're one of the best
in the league and next year--
22:54
Mom, I know, okay?
This isn't even about you.
22:56
Oh, thank god.
Wait.
22:59
- Then what's the problem?
- (sighs)
23:01
The problem is everything else!
23:03
All right? I am an angry, unhappy person.
23:09
That's probably why I
punched Ashley in the face,
23:12
and why I have no real friends,
and why I just ruined
23:15
my relationship with the only person
in my life who's ever really loved me.
23:18
Present company sort of excluded,
I guess, and dad, or...
23:25
Brian wants to get back together.
23:49
Which means that he hasn't realized
that I'm a total sociopath
23:53
that cares more about
video games than people.
23:58
When he does, he's gonna
wanna break up again,
24:03
which is exactly what I deserve,
'cause I'm a shitty person.
24:05
You're not a shitty person.
24:14
How would you know that?
24:17
A shitty person is a mom
that walks out on her husband
24:20
and her little girl just to get
another trophy under her belt.
24:23
Not a 16 year old girl
with hopes and dreams.
24:29
Just the fact that you even care
about other people's feelings,
24:36
that makes you, you know, fine.
24:40
I'm gonna miss you, kid.
24:54
Stop, stop that.
Stop doing that.
25:26
Just Brian messing up again like always.
25:31
Okay, what is it?
Spit it out.
25:34
It's just when Jenny and I broke up.
And I wanna fix it.
25:41
Or, I don't know,
maybe I don't.
25:45
Maybe I'm meant to be alone. (sighs)
25:47
Calhoun, please.
I don't have a dad.
25:53
I just danced with my cat.
I need an adult.
25:57
- (sighs) Do you like her?
- Yes.
26:01
Are you in high school?
26:04
Welcome to the wonderful world
of having no problems!
26:08
Calhoun, the problem is...
26:13
even if we get back together...
26:16
I'm never gonna be the most
important thing in her life.
26:22
Yeah, that's 'cause she's smarter
than most teenage girls, all right?
26:25
You're her high school boyfriend.
26:29
You should be happy she even talks to you.
26:31
This is your first relationship.
It's like your first car.
26:38
You're gonna go fast,
way too fast.
26:42
You're probably gonna wreck it.
26:44
So wear a seat belt and enjoy the ride.
26:46
Calhoun, I'm gonna be honest.
26:52
I'm trying to open up to you here,
but you're really not helping.
26:54
Maybe that's because I'm not the one
you should be opening up to.
26:59
(sighs) Hey, guys, I--
27:38
Ah, Theodore.
You return.
27:41
And with my coupon, I see.
27:46
You're playing my game without me.
27:52
(DK) Not anymore.
We're out of candy
27:54
and we beat all the levels.
27:56
- I command you--
- I said NO.
28:08
- Ted--
- You ate my dead dad candy.
28:10
I am the Drift King!
28:12
Yeah, well maybe you shouldn't be.
28:14
Seriously, we do bad stuff
for you all the time,
28:16
but you don't care.
28:19
You only care about yourself.
You're not a king, dude.
28:21
You're a senior!
You're going to college next year.
28:25
Just grow the hell up!
28:28
(sighs) I could be a better king than you.
28:32
Is that a challenge, Ted?
28:40
I challenge you
for the title of Drift King.
28:47
And when you race against king...
28:56
..you race against his kingdom.
29:00
(heavy metal music)
29:23
(engine hums distantly)
31:11
The kingdom's yours, DK.
33:59
(sighs) Okay, Wendell.
I'm only talking to you
34:47
because you're sleeping.
34:50
And last week I burned my diary
to see what the ashes would look like.
34:51
Which was stupid.
I don't know why I did that.
34:55
I don't really know
what's happening to me.
35:00
You know I still have all my grandparents?
35:12
Ted's father is dead, but I still get
four sweaters for Christmas every year.
35:14
Which just seems really mean to me.
35:19
It's callous and random.
And then it's over.
35:22
I don't really know why
I'm playing anymore.
35:28
(murmuring in sleep)
35:32
It's not your fault though.
35:37
(cell phone bloops)
36:54
(muttering in sleep)
37:15
Look, let me go first, all right?
I gotta get this out.
37:53
(sighs) I never really had a dad.
37:59
And my mom was an addict,
so I pretty much took care of myself.
38:03
And I got used to being alone.
I got pretty good at it.
38:08
But then I came here and I met Ted,
38:15
and I met Ki, and I met you.
38:18
And I fell for you like that.
38:22
And for the first time,
I didn't feel alone.
38:26
And when I thought you were leaving,
38:34
I should've been happy for you.
I should've, but...
38:38
I was so scared of losing you
that I lashed out.
38:42
And it was selfish, and it was horrible,
38:48
and I'm so sorry that I hurt you, Jenny.
38:51
I'm glad you went first.
39:05
Why, what were you going to say?
39:08
(groans) Well, the game jam's
almost over, Ki.
39:26
Okay, I guess you win.
Life really is meaningless, huh?
39:30
What is that? (gasps)
39:51
Oh! Oh my god! (gasps)
39:56
Oh my god! (laughs)
Look this--this is awesome!
40:03
Oh! I'm flying.
It's me.
40:07
I'm flying!
I'm flying!
40:10
Ki, it's me.
I'm flying.
40:12
Oh my god!
This game rules!
40:16
That's the best game <i>ever</i>.
40:36
You're great, RA Wendell.
40:46
- What was that?
- It's nothing.
41:00
Okay, now go clean the bathroom.
41:03
- Okay.
- I'm serious.
41:05
Smash Mouth signed a contract.
41:11
If we re-neg, we owe them big.
41:13
Just make sure they're
not in the teacher's lounge.
41:16
- Anything else?
- I got something!
41:17
Just came by to give you the good news.
41:24
Napalm broke 400. Hah!
41:27
- [inaudible's] a champion.
- Awesome news, brother.
41:30
Yeah, didn't I tell you?
41:40
Oh wait, no.
I faked my own death.
41:43
I changed my name to Pizza,
and then I took down
41:46
your school from the inside.
41:49
Oops. (mad chuckle)
41:52
- (camera snaps)
- (laughter)
41:58
You really should've taken that check.
42:01
Hey, guys, mind if we join?
42:08
Heck yeah, we don't.
Sit down.
42:10
Well, looks like everything's
back to normal.
42:17
Good morning, VGHS!
42:20
I hope you're enjoying
that cafeteria breakfast
42:23
because it's your last!
(mad laughter)
42:27