– English Lyrics

Lyrics & Translation

[English]

- Oh, look! Under the newspaper, there's some sort  

of stained glass window there.Aw, pretty! - Oh, you're finally getting the money  

you wanted and you're so chipper. - I'm "chipper", to use your word,  

because we're working to earn money  to move our business brand forward.  

- Stop saying "brand." And this  "seminar" better be worth it.  

- Why are you saying it like that?  "Seminar," with quotes around it,  

like it's a silly idea or something. - I didn't say "seminar" with quotes around it.  

- You did. You said— Ooh! Ooh,  sorry! Sorry! I was trying to  

illustrate that you put quotes around it. - I am too tired to put quotes around things!  

But if I were gonna put quotes on a  word, that word would be, "seminar"!  

Oh, and "branding"! And I would put big, giant,  dumbass quotes around "branding seminar"!  

- Max, you did that on purpose! -  Oh, maybe it was just an "accident"!  

Stop! Stop! You're spraying the light cord! Hello?  Water and electricity, not the best combo! Like  

some other not-great combos I can think of. - Us? You mean us? What, now we are not a  

great combo? Oh, wow. Sorry I suggested we  go to a quote "seminar" unquote. Sorry I'm  

trying to move us forward! - Sorry that you think you  

know how to do everything. - Sorry that you resent the  

fact that I know how to do business! - Sorry that you think you know how  

to do business, and maybe that's  why our first business failed.  

- Sorry that you took two weed breaks every  single day instead of making work calls,  

and maybe that's why our business failed! - Sorry that I didn't take more weed breaks,  

because I really could have used them working  with a know-it-all like you! And sorry—  

- It's my turn! - No! Sorry that you, also, had to  stick your nose into Oleg and Sophie's business,  

so that he cheated, and she got mad  and then, by an almost irrefutable  

line of direct action, you killed my toys! - Sorry that it doesn't matter how many things  

I ever did right because poor itty-bitty  baby Max's happy meal toys got all broked!  

- Don't push me, Max! - You're such a fan of branding,  

"just do it."; "have it your way."; "what happens  in Vegas, stays in Vegas."; "got milk?" Got any  

other stupid business ideas? -  

Stop! - Stop, stop, stop it, stop it! I am done! - No, I'm done! - No,  

we're both done! - Fine, we're both done! -  Done! - Done! - No, I'm really done, Max!  

I'm tired of trying to make things happen!I'm  tired of pushing us into cupcake shops!  

- And I'm tired of you pushing us  into cupcake shops too. Shops that we  

couldn't afford in the first place! - Oh, my god! Oh my god, Max! Max,  

are you all right? CPR, what is it? Do you do  pinch the nose and breathe into the mouth?  

Wait, wait! I think you're supposed to pump the  chest first. Well, I'll never get through those!  

- I'd like to make a toast, to Sophie. - Oh, that's sweet. But not with that  

glass. That's Grandma Chinski's crystal. - Baby, I was in the middle of a toast.  

- Oh I'm sorry, but... those  are my favorite thing!  

- Well, you know, it's funny. I  have a favorite thing too. In fact,  

why don't I just go and get it? - Oh no, no, no, no, no!  

- I think that's Polish for "No." - Uh-huh. Yes Sophie. It's my  

painting. Excuse me, our painting. - And it's going up on our wall.  

- I told you, I don't want that thing in here. - I don't understand, It's just a painting.  

What's so bad about it? Oh, my God! - Thank you for telling me to do this, Caroline.  

- She did? - I'd get up and run, but my legs are like taffy.  

- Seriously, you told him to hang that thing up? - In fairness, I had not seen the painting  

when I suggested something like that. - I mean, I get it. It's gorgeous. But  

it doesn't go with the décor. - What? Is it throwing off  

this gorgeous outdoor-indoor swing? - I'll cut you with the carving knife!  

- Nobody is cutting anyone. Especially not me. - Do you never learn? Just put some beef in your  

napkin like I did, and let's get out of here! - Sophie, you asked me to move in.  

Guess what? I moved in! - Yes, I asked you to move  

in, but not with big weird-nipple Putin! - Well, how big are nipples supposed to be?  

'Cause--never mind. - And what's your  

problem anyway? I gave you a drawer. - This! This is my drawer. What good is this?  

I can't even get one of my ball gags in there. - You asked for a drawer, I gave you a drawer!  

And who needs 12 ball gags anyway? - Oh, so now you don't like  

ball gags? Who are you, lady? - I'll tell you who I am… I'm the  

lady who's "Putin" this is the trash! - You trash that, I'll trash this.  

- Oh, no.Oh, you think you're gonna  break one of Grandma Chinski'sglasses?  

- No, if anyone's gonna  break one, it's gonna be me!  

- This reminds me of the first  half of my second marriage,  

and the second half of my third marriage. - You're late! This is unacceptable!  

- Don't mind him. He just saw his  first vagina, and he's furious.  

- Okay, here's the thing. I had to  take a nap because Oleg and Sophie  

were having sex all night long. - Punctuality is the number one  

rule in my employee handbook, which  I've adorably named the Han-book.  

- Relax, Han. Nobody's gonna die if I'm  not here to drop off a tuna melt. In fact,  

they're more likely to die if I do drop it off. - Late, and with an attitude. You think  

you're too good for the diner? - Of course she thinks that.  

- I think sourdough breadis  too good for this diner.  

- Well, what other career option do you have,  Caroline? Hmm, let's see: Cupcakes? No, wait,  

your shop didn't last six months! - Don't go there, Han. - Oh,  

I'm already there and now I'm back! - Why so moody, Han? Are you man-struating?  

- Is it that time of the man-th? - That shop was our dream Han,  

and this is just a dumb diner. - You're fired!  

- Ooh! I'm fired? Max, Han just fired me. - You Lucky son of a whore.  

- I'm serious, Caroline. You called my  diner "dumb." Well, at least my diner's  

still open and successful, whereas your  cupcake shop was so dumb, it failed!  

- Ooh, he did not go there! - I went there, and then I came back,  

and then I went there again! -  

You know what? I don't need this. - Well, actually, you do kinda need  

this 'cause we broke. - Broke or not,  

I don't have to stand here and take this. - I quit! - Oh, really? You quit? You must be  

dumberthan my diner because I already fired you! - The elevator opens right in your apartment?  

Nope, don't belong here. Hold the doors, bub! - We're okay. Thank you, James.  

- Max, just do the opposite of  everything you would normally do.  

- I already am. I'm here! - Deke, hello.  

- Go, be warm. - Hello, Mrs. Bromberg. I'm Max. - I'm the housekeeper.  

- This is Iris. Been with us for years. - Well, it was a lovely hug. I'll  

tell your parents that you've arrived. - So what, Max? You think any black woman  

you see here could be my mother? - Well, any white  man I see anywhere could be my father. Let's go.  

I already screwed up. - No, you heard Iris. It was a lovely  

hug. But then again, she is being paid. - Here, better wear my pearls. - Yeah,  

right!Me in those pearls is like a monkey  in baby clothes. Just plain wrong.  

- Relax, Max. - What, are  you crazy, touching me!?  

Your mother comes in here right now,  and she's like: Oh there she is,  

the Hooker from the projects, getting it on  with our son in the… What, fancy-ass book room?  

- Deke, you have a warhol soup can? - Uh, yeah,  it used to be in my bedroom. It got moved out here  

after I scotch-taped a Star Wars poster over it. - Okay, okay. See, now, here is Something we have  

in common. I used to drink that  soup. I can talk about that.  

- Perfect, yeah. Talk about that. - Yeah. Okay see, when my mother was  

on a bender, I would bust open the can  on the kitchen counter 'cause I could  

never find the opener 'cause she'd use the  sharp tip of it to clean out her hash pipe.  

(At once) - Give her the damn  pearls. - Give me the damn pearls.  

- It's just a little help. A signal to the  rich people that says, "I'm one of you."  

- Do it, Max. She is gonna take you down to  downtown… - Mmm! In a car, made of… pain!  

- Maybe just watch. - On my count. One, two, three, wrestle!  

- Oh... oh! - Wrist can't  

hold! Nothing in the tank! All the sexting! - Fight Max! Put your back into it! - My back's  

shot too, haven't you seen my front? - We're staying, girls!  

- Max, what are we gonna do? - I think it's pretty  clear. You're gonna have to arm wrestle Big Reba.  

- Can't I just marry her? - Come on now, Caroline, you got this. You've  

been wrestling with disappointment for years. - And I'm losing.  

- On my count. One, two, three, wrestle! - Ya'll seen the stool? Han hid it again. What  

in the sweet name of Jesus is going on in here? - Earl, I'm trying to motivate Caroline. Do  

you remember any of the lines from Rocky? - I'm gonna tell you what I tell three tourists  

a day. I am not Carl Weathers! - Max, I'm losing it!  

- Help that poor girl. - Uh, Caroline, look at all  

these arm wrestling ladies in your dream dessert  bar! You were aiming for five years of class,  

you didn't even get an hour! - Hey, I can't get the carriage  

in the dessert bar! The only place it would fit  

was the car wash. Hey, what is all this? - Caroline is trying win our bar back,  

and I'm trying to inspire her by  pointing out how bad her life is.  

- And I didn't get a text? - Max, help! - Uh… you haven't had sex in a year!  

And I think you know I'm  being quite generous there.  

- It's working. She's lonely. - You chased a dollar onto the third  

rail of the subway, and you didn't get it! - You work as a waitress in a diner!  

- Did you mention the waitress thing? - Yes I just did, Earl.  

- Sorry, things are getting to me a little late. - Wait, did… did you tell her that baby Barbara  

is gonna get married before she is? - Caroline, six years ago, you had a  

Billion dollars, and now… I'm gonna say it… - SAY IT! - Old Navy is out of your price range!  

- Well, that ginger over there thinks you  look good. He's full-on staring at you.  

- Well, I should hope so. If you can't  get a dude in prison to check you out,  

it's time for a makeover. - No, he's looking and  

nodding like he knows you. - Never seen him before in my life.  

- Max? Max Black? It's me, Irish. - I don't know,  

dude. I think you got the wrong girl. - Max, I could never forget that face.  

- Trust me, you've never seen me before. - Oh, damn! - Oh, my God, That's you.  

- So you do remember. - Of course. Get rid  

of him. It was a one-night stand. - See, they do come back to haunt you.  

- Shirt on. - Max, can you believe it? Of all the prisons in  

all the world, you walked into mine. It's kismet. - I got rid of yours. You get rid of mine.  

- Listen, Irish. It was a one-time  thing. You're a guy, you get that.  

- How could you say it's a one-time thing? I  love you! I blew up that chipotle for you.  

- Listen, I appreciate the ink, but I don't  really believe in love, and truth be told,  

I'm not even a fan of Mexican food. - Caroline Channing. This table.  

- Max, we have to go. My dad's coming. - Okay. Nice to see you, Irish. Your  

body looks sick. - Max, hold on.  

- I'm not going to tell you again to back up. - Max, I'm not going to lose you twice.  

- I said, back up! - Don't tell me to back up,  

that's the love of my life! - Come on, dude. Hit the pike.  

- Calm down! - Don't tell me to calm down!  

- Visiting hours are over! Everybody out! - No, no, no, wait! I can't leave.  

- Damn! - Oh, wait. There's my father. I can see him,  

he's just coming in. Oh, daddy. Daddy… Hi! - My hands are touching a dumpster.  

- All right, on the count of three, I'll push,  you hoist yourself up. But really pull yourself  

up, or you won't make it. - It's hell. I'm looking  

into hell. - 1, 2, 3! Whaa!  

I wanted to scream, but it wouldn't come out. - Okay, well, good luck. See ya.  

- Max! - I'm kidding! I'm coming around  

the back. I found a place to get a leg up. - Now? You just saw that now?  

- Aah! - Why'd you scream? You knew it was me. - That's the one I couldn't get out before.  

- Oh God, look at this mess. It's like  looking for a dirty needle in a haystack,  

which I've done. Okay, start poking  around. Look for familiar garbage.  

- "Familiar garbage"? I hate  it in here. I wanna die.  

- Well, I'm standing on a stranger's  cold sesame noodles with egg shells  

stuck to my ankles. You win, Max. - What does that have to do with me?  

- It means I'm officially standing in your purse. - How about more real garbage,  

less Caroline garbage? - Caroline garbage?  

- You have been dumping on me all day. - Me? What have I done?  

- "Max, you didn't file… ever?" - I didn't say it like that. And  

you didn't file ever, Is that my fault? - Yes! This is all your fault! Before I met you,  

I didn't even think about a future. Now I have  a future, and I'm standing in a dumpster!  

- You are not the only one standing in a dumpster!  And… get a new purse. If you had been able to  

find a stupid stamp in that horrid thing, I  would've never even seen Earl's taxes and I  

wouldn't be standing in a dumpster. - Max, no, no, no! I will never,  

ever recover from that! - Oh my God, Max,  

you're not gonna believe this, but those two  girls have issued a Cease and Desist order.  

- Those bitches! What's that? - They're saying we have to stop  

selling our T-shirts. That's what I told them we  were going to do, they even copied this idea! We  

need to get a lawyer. - How? We can't even  

afford Law & Order on iTunes. - What is going on here? There's food waiting  

in the window, periodicals strewn about. - Someone's on his periodical.  

- Han, we just got served. - At least someone in the diner has.  

You're lucky your boss is so chill. - Of course you're chill,  

you're one of Mr. Popper's penguins. - How about this? We'll do the jobs you  

already pay us for if you agree to pretend  to be our lawyer. You have a suit, right?  

- Why would I pretendto be a lawyer? You  can't even pretend to be waitresses.  

- No one's gonna Believe Han's our  lawyer, anyway. He can't pass the bar,  

he can barely see over one. - That's it! I've had it with  

you two and your non-work ethic! And this area  is for customers. I want these out of here!  

- Ow! - Uh oh… Max? I suppose I could dig  up a suit if that could, somehow, make  

this boss striking his employee thing go away. - What's wrong with you? You're acting weird.  

- Well, why should I have to do all  the heavy lifting while you just get  

to nap and see free model penis? - All the heavy lifting?Where'd  

you get that from? - No one… Sophie.  

- I knew she didn't like me! - It's not that she doesn't  

like you, she just doesn't think you're… - What? Doing anything? She thinks I'm not pulling  

my weight? She thinks I'm dead weight? - Not dead weight, more like…  

a rock… To my, balloon. - What is that, some kind of  

Polish haiku? What does that even mean? - She thinks if I cut the rock loose,  

I'll go… fuuuuu! - Wait, so you're  

siding with a woman you met a week ago over me? - I'm not siding with anyone. I'm just saying… I  

know what this is. This is "pick on the  rich girl." It's a poverty smackdown!  

I heard you two talking while I was  in her bathroom, "Spritz spritzing".  

You think you do everything? Fine, do  everything. You can "balloon" all over  

this place, 'cause the "rock" is leaving! - Who is it? - You're the rock! I'm the  

balloon! Without me lifting you  out of your negative rockness,  

you wouldn't even have a cupcake business.  

I'm the reason we even have cupcake jobs. - Oh, oh, you're the reason? Who stayed  

up all last night baking 24 more  cupcakes while you were sleeping?  

- You did. And who delivered the  cupcakes this morning, while you  

were sleeping? I did! Me. The balloon! - I floated over there and got paid  

for the job that I got us from the  website that I'm trying to pay for.  

And now, I'm going to float down this hall  and wake the hot model up 'cause, contrary  

to what you and your poverty gal-pal might  think, I always do the job I'm hired for.  

- Oh, no! I am going to wake him up.  Free model penis is my reward for doing  

everything and being tied to a rock like you! - Oh, see? I can't get away, because you're the  

rock and you're heavier than my balloon! - Hey, stop! This is cleaning job,  

not gorgeous ladies of wrestling. - Hey, Daddy. Me? I'm fine. A little  

bummed: It's truffle season, and no  one I know knows what a truffle is,  

but… Oh! Our estate auction? Yeah, I think I  heard something about that. But honestly, Daddy,  

I haven't given it a second thought. No, you don't have to worry about  

me. I am not at all emotional about it. - Whoa!… Thank God it's not flip-flop Friday.

Key Vocabulary

Vocabulary	Meanings
stained /steɪnd/ B1	adjective - marked with something that is difficult to remove.
chipper /ˈtʃɪpər/ B1	adjective - cheerful and lively.
brand /brænd/ B1	noun - a particular style or type of product manufactured by a company.
seminar /ˈsɛmɪnɑːr/ B1	noun - a class or conference held to discuss a particular subject.
illustrate /ˈɪləstreɪt/ B2	verb - explain or make clear by using examples, charts, etc.
tired /ˈtaɪərd/ A2	adjective - in need of sleep or rest; weary.
branding /ˈbrændɪŋ/ B2	noun - the process of giving a company or product a distinctive identity.
accident /ˈæksɪdənt/ A2	noun - an unfortunate event resulting from carelessness or ignorance.
combo /ˈkɒmboʊ/ A2	noun - a combination of things.
suggested /səˈdʒestɪd/ B1	verb - put forward as an idea or possibility.
resent /rɪˈzent/ B2	verb - feel bitterness or indignation at (a circumstance, action, or person).
failed /feɪld/ A2	verb - be unsuccessful in achieving a goal.
weed /wiːd/ A2	noun - a wild plant growing where it is not wanted.
purpose /ˈpɜːrpəs/ B1	noun - the reason for which something is done or created.
spraying /ˈspreɪɪŋ/ A2	verb - to disperse liquid in small droplets.
combo /ˈkɒmboʊ/ A2	noun - a combination of things.
irrefutable /ɪrɪˈfjuːtəbl/ C1	adjective - impossible to deny or disprove.