– English Lyrics

Lyrics & Translation

[English]

Excuse me, uh

I don't mean to be a jerk, but the baby

with the rash came in after me.

>> The doctor will be right with you, sir.

>> Mommy, I can't find Waldo.

>> What, the circus? He's behind the

elephant.

>> Wow.

So, your child's a big fan of the Waldo

books, too?

>> Yeah, that's that's how I know.

I'm Ross, by the way.

>> Hi, I'm Sally.

>> Hi.

>> So, no ring, can I assume you're also a

single parent?

>> I am a single parent.

>> It's hard, isn't it? Uh there's almost

no time for a social life. I mean, where

are you going to meet someone?

>> Well, um

let's say, I don't know, yeah, you met

someone in the

pediatrician's office.

>> Rossi, we're ready for you.

>> Um yeah.

>> Come on, Ross Junior, it's time to go

in.

>> Mommy.

Mommy, what's wrong with that man?

>> Hey, I helped you FIND WALDO.

>> WHO'S making the decision?

>> Professor Sherman. Yeah, meeting with

him today.

>> Well, he's a pretty tough guy to

impress.

>> Yeah, well, I think I know how to dazzle

him.

>> Uh

you're not going to do a magic trick,

are you?

>> No.

The data we're receiving from MRI scans

and DNA testing of these fossils are are

staggering.

>> Mhm.

>> I mean, we've been accepting Leakey's

dates as as a given, But if they're off

by even a hundred thousand years or so,

then you can you can just throw most of

our assumptions, you know, right in the

trash.

So So, what I'm saying is is

is that

is that uh re- repercussions

could could be huge. I mean, not just in

in paleontology, but if you think about

it in in evolutionary biology, uh

genetics, uh geology. I mean, truly the

the mind boggles.

Well, that's not what you want.

>> Hello.

>> Joey, hey, I need to talk to Charlie. Is

she there?

>> No, she uh she went shopping with

Rachel. Why, what's up?

>> Well, I'm meeting with Professor Sherman

about my being the keynote speaker.

>> Oh, how's it going?

>> It could be better.

She um

he fell asleep.

>> What?

But I already bought my ticket to

Bermuda.

>> Or Barbados.

>> Fine, I'll rent the car and drive.

Ross, you have to get that job.

>> Well, what am I supposed to do? He's

cold. In fact, he was just talking in

his sleep before and evidently he wants

someone named Fran to spank him harder.

>> W- Well, just wake him up.

>> I can't. If he realizes that I'm the one

who put him to sleep, I won't get the

job.

>> Oh, that's a tough one.

Oh, wait a minute.

This happened to me before. Yeah, I was

auditioning for a play and the producer

fell asleep.

No.

Wait a minute.

It was me who fell asleep.

Yeah, I mean, hey Shakespeare, how about

a chase scene once in a while?

>> My god, you really want me to be the

keynote speaker?

Thank you.

>> You're welcome.

>> Your wish is going to come true, but you

guys, just in case, maybe a genie will

come out if we RUB THIS LAMP.

THAT THING GETS HOT.

>> YOU KNOW, ROSS, JUST keep making your

jokes. How are you going to feel if we

actually do win?

>> Uh you're not going to win.

>> Oh, I know. I know the odds are against

us, but somebody has to win, and it

could be us. And then how you going to

feel? You know, we're going to be all

like, "Oh, everybody, let's take our

helicopters up to the Cape." And you're

going to And you're going to be all

like, "Oh, I can't, guys. I'll have to

meet you up there. I got to gas up the

Hyundai."

>> Okay, I've heard myself on tape, and I

sound nothing like that.

>> I can see the headline now. Lottery

winner's friend filled with regret eats

own arm.

>> Why would I eat my own arm?

>> Well, you wouldn't, but we own the

paper, we can print whatever we want.

>> You know what, Ross? I'm going to throw

in 50 bucks for you.

>> Why?

>> Because I know I know that you think

that the lottery is boo hockey.

But we're all here, and we're going to

watch the numbers and have fun.

You're my brother, and I want you to be

a part of this.

>> We don't have to do that. I mean, I'll

I'll pay for myself, but just the fact

that you you want me to have fun with

you guys. That's so sweet. Come here.

Mwah.

>> Get a room.

>> Enough talking. I I have to get moving.

Hey, check out those two blondes over

there.

Hey, come with me.

>> Are you trying to get everybody

divorced?

Come on, you don't have to do anything.

>> It'll just be easier if it's the two of

us, like college. Uh remember? First you

uh break the ice with some kind of a

joke so they know you're the funny one,

then I swoop in with some interesting

conversation so they'll see that I'm the

brilliant, brooding, sexy one.

>> I thought I got to make the jokes.

Don't you have to be at work?

>> Oh, come on.

>> Uh hello.

Hi. Uh my name's

>> Chandler. Uh this is my friend Ross

right here.

>> Hi.

>> And uh we were wondering you know, if

you're up for it, we only need six more

people for a human pyramid.

Swoop. Swoop.

>> Uh

so um uh oh hey, I I noticed you're

reading the paper.

Uh

another flood in Europe, huh?

Um here's a question.

Would you Would you rather drown or be

burned alive?

>> I'm sorry. We're just leaving.

>> Okay.

We still got it.

Hi. I uh

I couldn't help but notice uh but that's

that's an unusual necklace.

>> You already hit on me an hour ago.

>> Right, so that's a firm no.

Believe this, I just keep striking out.

>> I don't get it either.

I mean, you're obviously desperate.

You're asking women how they want to be

killed.

>> Well, this is great. Rachel's going to

keep kissing guys until she finds the

one she wants, and I'm I'm going to die

alone.

>> By drowning or

>> We finally found a nanny. This is Molly.

Molly, Chandler, Joey.

>> Hi.

>> Hi.

>> Well, somebody's getting a little fussy.

>> Damn right I am. I've been waiting for a

cookie for 7 minutes.

>> Okay. You know what? I'm just going to

take her outside.

>> No, you stay. I'll do it.

>> Okay.

>> Nice to meet you, guys.

>> Yeah, you too. You too.

>> Oh, wow. Molly's just great.

>> Yes, bravo on the hot nanny.

>> What? You really think she's hot?

>> Are you kidding? If I wasn't married,

she'd be rejecting me right now.

>> Joey?

>> How do you think she's doing?

>> Am I the only one that doesn't think

that she's hot, Ross?

>> I mean,

I mean, she's not unattractive, but but

hot, uh

>> Thank you.

>> Now that Rachel's gone, so hot I cried

myself to sleep last night.

>> Wow.

>> Oh, you you look uh

I mean, it's just uh that

that that dress uh

>> I hope the ends of these sentences are

good.

>> Oh, they're they're good. It's just been

a while since I have seen you like this.

You you clean up good.

>> Aw,

well, thank you.

Okay, stop. Stop looking at me like

that. Last time that happened, that

happened.

>> Oh, right. Right.

So, are you uh you excited about your

your first night away from Emma?

>> Yeah. Yeah, Phoebe and I are going to

have so much fun. And thank you for

watching the baby, by the way.

>> Oh, it's fine. Actually, I I invited

Mike over.

>> Phoebe's Mike?

>> Yeah.

>> I didn't know that you guys hung out.

>> So, we don't, but I thought it'd be nice

to get to know him. You know, maybe have

a little dinner, drinks, conversation.

>> Aw, that's so cute. Ross and Mike's

first date.

>> GREAT.

>> HEY, ROSS IS HERE. HEY, LOOK, IT'S MY

good friend Ross. Hey, Ross.

>> Hey, Joey.

Hey, dude.

>> Hey, and oh, look, and he brought

flowers. Oh, thanks, Ross. I'm really

more of a candy kind of guy.

>> You're weird today.

Listen, I uh

I wanted to talk to you about something.

>> Yeah, actually, um I kind of need to

talk to you, too.

>> Uh Joey, can you give us a minute?

>> No.

>> What?

>> I'm sorry. I meant no.

>> Okay. Wait up.

>> Hi.

>> Congratulations.

I didn't want to say anything in front

of Joey cuz I didn't know if he knew

yet.

>> What? That we had a baby? Let's give him

a little credit.

Although, he did eat a piece of plastic

fruit earlier.

>> No, no, but you and Rachel are engaged.

>> What?

>> Oh, it's It's

Oh, goody. Yes. Oh, we haven't done the

secret thing in a long time.

>> Phoebe, there is no secret, okay? I

didn't propose.

>> Are you lying? Is this like that time

you tried to convince us you were a

doctor?

>> I am a doctor.

You know what? I'm just going to go and

and talk to Rachel myself.

>> All right. I'll meet you.

Well, should we wake her up?

>> No. No.

Come on, let her sleep. She's so

exhausted.

>> Yet so engaged. Dum dum dum.

>> Oh my god. She She thinks we're engaged.

Why? Why? Why would she think we're

engaged?

>> Perhaps because you gave her an

engagement ring?

You know, Ross, doctors are supposed to

be smart.

>> I didn't give her that ring.

>> You didn't?

>> No.

>> So, whose ring is it?

>> It's mine.

>> Is it an engagement ring?

>> Yes.

>> But you didn't give it to her?

>> No.

>> But you were going to propose?

>> No.

>> Huh. I might be losing interest in this.

>> Look.

Look, my mom gave me that ring because

she wanted me to propose to Rachel, but

all I wanted to do was see if she maybe

kind of wanted to start things up again.

>> Oh, what beautiful lukewarm sentiment.

>> Look, I didn't want to rush into

anything, and it seemed like she didn't

want to either. But I don't I don't

understand how how any of this happened.

What? Did she find the ring in my

jacket, assume I was going to propose,

throw it on, and then just start telling

people?

>> No. No, she said you actually proposed

to her.

>> Well, I didn't. I didn't propose.

UNLESS

DID I?

I HAVEN'T SLEPT IN 40 hours and

it does sound like something I would do.

Oh, I can't. I've I've got a date with

that waitress Katie. Yeah, I I know

we've only gone out like twice, but I

don't know. I have a really good feeling

about her.

>> Oh, I hear divorce bells.

>> All right.

Just give me your wallet and there won't

be a problem.

>> What?

>> I have a gun.

>> Oh, okay. Just just relax, Phoebe. Just

stay calm.

Oh my god, I can't FIND MY WALLET.

>> ALL RIGHT, LADY.

NOW, GIVE ME YOUR PURSE.

>> NO.

>> What do you mean, no? I knew you'd be my

death, PHOEBE BUFFAY.

>> LYLE, IS THAT YOU?

>> PHOEBE?

>> OH MY GOD!

I'M SORRY, ROSS. THIS IS MY OLD FRIEND

LYLE from the streets.

Lyle, Ross.

>> Ross, nice to meet you. Uh real

pleasure.

>> IT'S BEEN SO LONG.

OH, IT'S BEEN SO LONG.

I CAN'T BELIEVE you're still doing this.

>> Uh I know, but I quit smoking.

>> Good for you.

>> So, you look like you're doing really

well. I guess your mugging days are

behind you.

>> Oh.

>> Oh my god.

Phoebe, you used to mug people?

>> Excuse me, Ross.

Old friends catching up.

>> What kind of stuff do you think they'll

have you do there?

>> Well, it's a training program, but at

the end they hire the people they like.

>> That's great.

>> Yeah, I mean there's probably going to

be some grunt work, which will probably

stink. You know, grown man getting

people coffee is a little humiliating.

Humiliating and noble.

Thank you.

You know, if I didn't already have a

job, I I think I would have been really

good in advertising.

>> Ross, you did not come up with got milk.

>> Yes, I did. I did.

I SHOULD HAVE WRITTEN IT DOWN.

>> HEY.

>> I'm all packed and ready to go.

Oh. That's right. Daddy and Uncle Joey

are going on a trip today. We're going

to a conference in Barbados.

>> Right?

>> Mhm.

>> Can you say Barbados?

>> Barbados.

>> I just got to say, it means so much to

me that you guys are coming all the way

over there to to hear me give my speech.

Oh, and I have a surprise.

I had to pull some strings, but I was

able to get everyone passes to the

entire conference. That's right.

These babies will get you into all the

paleontology lectures and seminars.

>> Do you have anything that will get us

out of them?

>> Yeah, Ross, I mean, we're excited to

hear the speech, but the rest of the

time we're going to want to do, you

know, island stuff.

>> I think David will probably want to hear

a few lectures.

>> Oh, right, because he's a scientist.

>> No, no, well, because, you know, he's

been in Minsk for 8 years, and if he

gets too much direct sunlight, he'll

die.

>> Okay, we better go. Yeah? Um, so, we'll

see you guys tomorrow.

>> All right, let's do it. 5-hour flight

with Charlie, have a couple drinks, get

under that blanket, and do what comes

natural.

>> It's a blanket, Joe, not a cloak of

invisibility.

>> Hi.

>> Hi.

>> I just finished getting Phoebe all

dressed to meet Mike's parents. She's so

nervous.

>> It's so sweet.

>> Guess what? I made Emma laugh today.

>> You what? And I missed it because I was

giving a makeover to that stupid hippie?

>> Yeah, and it was a it was like a real

little person laugh, too. It was It WAS

LIKE UM

ONLY ONLY NOT CREEPY.

>> YEAH.

WELL, WELL, what did you do to make her

laugh?

>> I um

Well, I sang. Actually,

I rapped. Um

Baby Got Back.

>> What?

You sang to our baby daughter

a song about a guy who likes to have sex

with women with giant asses?

>> But, you know what? If you think about

it, it actually promotes a healthy uh

body image.

Because even big butts or uh juicy

doubles are

Please don't take her away from me.

>> Okay.

Uh please laugh for Mommy. Please.

Please laugh for Mommy.

Not funny, huh?

Also, is is it

only offensive novelty rap?

Or maybe just, you know, rap in general?

Cuz Mommy can rap.

My name is Mommy, and I'm here to say

that all the babies are Oh, I can't rap.

All right, sweetheart.

This is only because I love you so much,

and I know that you're not going to tell

anybody.

I like

big butts, and I cannot lie.

You other brothers can't deny.

When a girl walks in with an itty-bitty

waist and a round thing in your face,

you get YES, YES.

OH, I LIKE BIG BUTTS AND I CANNOT LIE.

YOU OTHER BROTHERS CAN'T DENY.

OH, EMMA, YOU'RE LAUGHING. OH, you are.

You really do like big butts. Don't you?

Don't you? Oh, you

Oh, you beautiful little weirdo.

Oh.

>> Hey.

>> Oh, you missed it. SHE WAS LAUGHING. OH,

it was amazing. It was amazing. It was

the most beautiful beautiful sound.

>> Oh, I know. Isn't it? Oh, what did you

do to get her to laugh?

>> Oh,

you know, I just a couple little things

I tried different. Just saying little

Itsy Bitsy Spider.

>> You sang Baby Got Back, didn't you?

>> Nothing else worked. That girl is all

about the ass.

>> She sweat, wet, got it going like a

turbo vet.

>> So, fellas.

>> Yeah.

>> Fellas.

>> Yeah.

>> Has your girlfriend GOT THE BUTT?

>> HELL YEAH.

>> SO, SHAKE IT.

>> SHAKE IT.

>> Shake it.

>> Shake it.

>> Shake that nasty butt.

>> Baby got back.

>> One more time from the top. I LIKE BIG

BUTTS and I cannot lie.

You other brothers

>> Rachel, please. That is so

inappropriate.

>> SO,

WELCOME.

>> HEY.

>> I got beer.

>> I got bottled breast milk.

>> Yeah, why don't we start with the beer?

>> Okay.

So, um

Phoebe tells me you you play piano.

>> Yeah.

>> You know, I I used to play keyboards in

college.

>> Huh? Do you have one here?

>> No.

>> Okay.

>> Um I you know, I'm

divorced.

Phoebe Phoebe says you you've been

divorced.

>> Yeah.

Yeah, I'm I'm sorry. I don't I don't

really like to talk about it.

>> That's okay. We'll we'll talk about

something else.

>> So you're a a paleontologist, right?

>> Yeah.

>> My cousin's a paleontologist.

>> Huh?

>> Well, he and I would probably have a lot

to talk about.

I promise, first thing tomorrow we'll

find another doctor, but I got to go to

Burleigh and I'm not feeling all that

well.

>> What? Why why why why you not feeling

well? What do you have? Is it rubella?

Because don't go near Emma. She has not

had that shot.

>> You know, come to think of it it it does

feel rubella-like.

>> WEINER!

WEINER!

>> WEINER! WEINER!

>> RACHEL!

>> WAIT!

NOW HE'S GOING TO KNOW IT WAS ME!

>> I COULD JUST lie here all day.

>> Oh, no.

Open your drapes. Open your drapes.

>> So glad we got adjoining rooms.

>> THE SUN IS OUT!

>> HEY, remember when I had Corneas?

>> Okay, listen, you go down to the pool

and reserve the chairs and I'll get the

magazines and the lotion.

>> Uh ladies, Ross's speech is in 45

minutes.

>> Oh, NO!

>> DAMN IT!

>> WALLS ARE PRETTY THIN, GUYS.

>> THEN WE have to weigh the data from

recent MRI scans and DNA testing,

which call into question information

gathered from years of simple carbon

dating.

>> Look at that woman sitting out by the

pool getting tan.

So leathery and wrinkled. I'M SO

JEALOUS.

>> FINALLY, FACTOR IN THE profusion of new

species recently discovered,

Giganotosaurus,

Argentinosaurus,

>> not to mention coldsaurus.

>> And that's just the herbivores. I'm not

even going to discuss the carnivores. Uh

their heads are already too big, which

is ironic considering their stunted

CEREBRAL DEVELOPMENT.

>> HI.

>> HEY.

>> LISTEN, I WANTED to ask you something

about marriage.

>> Oh great, now you're seeking me out to

make jokes? I mean, I could see if we're

all hanging out, but to come TO MY HOME.

>> NO, I really want to know how you feel

about it.

>> Why?

>> Mike doesn't ever want to get married.

>> Never?

>> Never.

>> Wow. Well, you you still going to move

in with him?

>> Well, I want to, but I just wanted you

to tell me that marriage really isn't

that big a deal, you know, that I won't

I won't be missing out on anything. That

marriage stinks.

>> Yeah, marriage stinks.

I mean, if you want to see a man gain

weight and a woman stop shaving, get him

married.

>> That's not how you really feel, is it?

>> No, I'm sorry.

Look, I I know it's not what you want to

hear right now, but I can't help it. I I

love marriage.

>> Seriously? You, divorcer?

>> If you have to call me a name, I prefer

Ross the divorcer. It's just cooler.

Look, look, I know my marriages didn't

exactly work out, but

you know, I I loved being that committed

to another person. And Carol and I had

some good times before she became a

lesbian

and once afterward.

Anyway, I'm I'm sorry.

>> It's okay. That's how you feel.

>> But come on, I mean, living together

will be great. I mean, you guys have so

much fun and you love Mike.

>> I do love Mike.

>> Ah, see? And you were so excited about

moving in together before and you know

what? You should be. It's a big deal.

>> Yeah, I guess you're right.

Yeah, thanks. This helped. Thanks.

>> The divorcer to the rescue.

>> It's not cooler.

>> Yeah, I just heard it.

>> So going to get back at Ross.

>> Oh, yeah?

>> This'll show him.

>> Here we go.

>> What are you doing?

>> Oh, you'll see, MY FRIEND.

I'M DEAD?

>> And so young.

>> Posting that I died? That really isn't

funny.

>> Well, how you died was funny.

>> Oh, please. Hit by a blimp?

>> It kills over one Americans every year.

>> Unbelievable. My classmates are going to

think I'm dead. My professors, my my

parents are going to get phone calls.

You're messing with people's feelings

here.

>> Oh, you want to talk about people's

feelings? You should have heard how hurt

Professor Stern was yesterday when I

told him I wouldn't be able to go with

him TO KEY WEST.

>> YOU'VE REALLY CROSSED the line here, but

that's okay. It's okay cuz I'm on my way

to buy some Photoshop software and a

stack of gay porn. That's right. Your

coming out's about to get real graphic.

Excuse me. Um

is there a woman waiting at the bar? Um

someone average height, dark hair, or

perhaps doing a puzzle?

>> Uh

there's a drunk Chinese guy.

>> Well, if I'm still here in an hour, buy

him a drink on me.

>> Uh can I get you another glass of wine?

>> Uh I don't know if I should. I don't

want to be drunk when I

go home alone.

>> You got stood up, huh?

>> Uh it's no big deal. It's just a blind

date.

>> Are you worried your date came, saw you,

and left?

>> No.

All I ever wanted was to just love him

and have him love me back.

I mean, am I so unlovable?

>> Wow.

>> I know.

>> Thank you so much for letting me do

this. Public bathrooms freak me out. I

can't even pee, let alone do anything

else.

>> But what's great is you don't mind

talking about it.

>> God, it's so amazing that I met you on

the same day that Eric broke up with me

cuz it's like you lose a boyfriend,

you get a boyfriend.

>> Uh-huh.

>> No, no, no, don't worry. This is not

some rebound thing. I am totally over

Eric.

>> PHEW.

>> GOOD CHOICE, ROSS.

>> I'M SO GLAD SOMEONE'S HERE. Could you

zip me up?

>> Uh

sure.

>> Thank you. Can you believe no one

between my apartment and here offered to

do that for me?

>> People.

So, uh

why are you so dressed up?

>> Oh, um Mike's picking me up for a date.

>> Oh, yeah. Now, how's that going? Is it

getting serious?

>> I don't know. I don't know.

I mean, you know, I like him.

But, you know, am I ready to take my

grade A loins off the meat market? I'm

not quite sure.

>> You know, I I really admire your your

whole dating attitude. It's so healthy.

I'm always like, is this moving too

fast? Is this moving too slow? Where

where is this going?

>> Yeah, you know, you are a bit of a drama

queen.

>> But, you know, you're so much better

off, you know? You just go from guy to

guy having fun and not worrying that it

never turns into anything serious.

>> I wouldn't say never.

You know, there was that guy.

Okay, well, what about

Okay, well, there's got to be someone.

>> There isn't. That's what I'm saying.

>> Oh my god, you're right.

>> And yet, here you are, all ready for the

next date.

>> I can't believe I never realized this

before.

I'm in my 30s and I've never been in a

long-term relationship?

Oh my god, what's wrong with me?

>> No, no, no. No,

um there's there's nothing wrong with

you. I mean,

you don't strike me as the type of

person who wants to get married anyway.

>> I want to get married?

>> Please. Please don't cry because of me.

I Phoebe, I don't know what I'm talking

about, okay? I've been divorced three

times.

>> Yeah, well, at least you've been

married. Oh my god, I want to trade

LIVES WITH ROSS?

THAT'S REALLY

>> OH, thank you so much.

>> oh, and so funny.

>> Okay, all right, thanks. Thanks so much.

You guys I can't tell you how much it

means to me that you were here.

>> Are you kidding? We wouldn't have missed

it.

>> Yeah.

Oh.

I'm back.

>> Okay, um

excuse me? Yeah.

>> Hey.

Well?

>> You were incredible. You blew them away.

>> Oh, I can't tell you how great it was to

look out at the crowd and see your face.

I mean, did you know you were you were

mouthing the words along with me?

>> I was not.

>> No, it's okay. Made me feel like like a

rock star.

>> Oh my god, I'm your groupie.

>> Yeah.

I better not find you naked in my hotel

room.

Look, I I took it too far.

>> Welcome to the Chestnut Inn, Mr. Bing.

So, where are you joining us from?

>> New York. The Big Apple.

I'm sorry, he's a little bit wound up.

We had to stop at every maple candy

stand on the way here.

>> I ate all my gifts for everybody.

>> I'm sorry, Mr. Bing, there's no record

of your reservation in the computer.

>> Well, that's impossible. Can you check

again, please?

>> CHECK AGAIN, PLEASE.

>> I'M SORRY, IT'S NOT HERE.

>> Not there?

>> Let me get this straight.

I called yesterday to try to cancel my

reservation, was told it's not

refundable. Then, we drove 6 hours all

the way up here, and now you're telling

me that we don't have a reservation?

>> I don't know what to say.

>> She doesn't know what to say.

>> Just give us the cheapest room you have.

>> Unfortunately, the only thing we have

available is our deluxe suite. The rate

is $600.

>> That's insane.

>> It is totally insane. Dude, let's drive

home. We'll hit all the maple candy

stores on the way back, and if if

they're closed, then maybe we'll we'll

tap a tree and make some ourselves.

>> Does that room have a closet I can lock

him in?

We'll take it.

>> Great.

>> Look, they're totally ripping us off.

>> Dude, don't worry about it. I know how

we can make your money back. This is a

nice hotel, you know, plenty of

amenities. We just load up on those.

Like those apples. Instead of taking

one, um I take six.

>> Great. At $100 an apple, we're there.

>> Come on, you you get the idea. You know,

we we'll make our money back in no time.

>> Dude, you're shaking.

>> I think it's the sugar. Could you hold

the apple?

Hi, this is Ross Geller in suite 206. Um

I seem to have forgotten a couple of

things. Could Could you have some

complimentary toiletries sent up to my

room?

Thank you. Okay, um

toothbrush, toothpaste, razor,

mouthwash, deodorant, dental floss,

Band-Aids, shaving cream, aftershave.

And I feel like I'm forgetting

something. Um is there anything else you

you have that I haven't asked for

already?

Yeah, go ahead. Send up some tampons.

>> What'd you get?

>> USA Today.

>> Nice. Put it with the others.

>> And I also got two more apples.

>> We're four short of a bushel.

>> God, I feel so alive. I love being in

the country.

>> I also

got these great salt and pepper shakers

from the restaurant.

>> Ooh, that's not cool.

>> Dude, none of this is cool.

>> Look, Chandler, you you have to find the

line between stealing and and taking

what the hotel owes you. Um for example,

a hairdryer, no, no, no. But shampoos

and conditioners, oh yes, yes, yes.

Now the the salt shaker is off limits. I

but

the salt

I wish I thought this through.

>> I think I get what you mean now. Like

the the lamp is is the hotel's, but the

bulbs

I You already got that.

>> Not my first time in a hotel, my friend.

>> Okay, yeah.

How about this?

>> No, no, no, you can't take the remote

control.

>> Yes, but the batteries.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

Ooh, let's let's celebrate with some

maple candy.

>> No.

At least TELL ME WHERE YOU HID IT.

>> Here's your copy of the bill. We hope

you enjoyed your stay.

>> Oh, we did, and you still have all your

lamps.

>> I didn't factor in the room tax.

>> Oh, dude, don't worry about it. Uh I

found an unattended maid's cart. We're

way ahead of the game.

>> Oh my god.

>> What?

>> There's There's something new in the

bowl.

>> Look, we have enough. Just walk away.

>> No,

but I I want I want the pine cones.

>> There's a forest right outside.

>> It's not the same.

>> Okay, go quick.

>> Go, go, go.

Thank you for a delightful stay.

>> MY MAPLE CANDY.

>> I DON'T THINK THAT JOEY AND CHARLIE have

anything in common.

>> I don't know. They seem to have a shared

interest in each other's tonsils.

>> Wow. Joey and a professor. Can you

imagine if they had kids? And if if the

kids got her intelligence and Joey's raw

sexual magnetism, those nerds would get

laid.

All right, so we're also you with all

this? I mean

>> Yeah, it's no big deal. I mean, I just

met her. I'm fine with it.

Ugh,

God, I forgot how hot she was.

I'm going to get some more coffee.

>> Hey.

>> Hey.

>> Oh, you know, I'll I'll come with you.

>> Okay.

So, a professor, huh?

>> Yeah, she is cool and she's so smart.

Her mind is totally acrimonious.

Guess that's not how she used it.

>> I feel like I owe you an explanation.

I don't ordinarily go around kissing

guys at parties.

I'm uh

Well, I'm kind of embarrassed.

I really hope you don't think less of

me.

>> No, think less of you? No, I don't think

less of you. I mean, you you saw someone

you liked and you kissed them. Uh those

people who who like someone and and

don't kiss them, those those people are

stupid. I hate those people.

>> You know, actually, I'm a little

surprised at myself. I mean, Joey is so

different from the guys I usually date.

I mean, they're all professors,

intellectuals, paleontologists mostly.

You know, very cerebral

>> the type.

Hey, if we want to uh grab a bite before

work, we better get acrimonious.

No?

Am I getting close?

Well, the super's not home. But but hey,

you know what? My mother's going to be

here in a minute and she has the key.

>> I can't wait that long. You have to do

something. Knock that door down.

>> I would, but I bruise like a peach.

Besides, you know, everything's going to

be fine. The the baby's sleeping.

>> But what if she jumped out of the

bassinet?

>> Can't hold her own head up, but yeah,

jumped.

>> Oh my god, I left the water running.

>> But you did not leave the water running.

Please, just just pull yourself

together, okay?

>> What did I leave the stove on?

>> You haven't cooked since 1996.

>> Is the window open? Because if the

window's open, A BIRD COULD FLY in there

and

>> Oh my god, you know what? I think you're

right. I think you know what? Listen.

Listen. A pigeon. No.

No way. No, no. An eagle flew in.

Landed on the stove and CAUGHT FIRE.

THE BABY, SEEING THIS, jumps across the

apartment to the mighty bird's aid.

The eagle, however, misconstrues this as

an act of aggression and grabs the baby

in its talent. Meanwhile, the faucet

fills the apartment with water.

Baby and bird, still ablaze, are locked

in a desperate swirling around the

whirlpool that FILLS THE APARTMENT.

>> BOY, ARE YOU GOING TO BE SORRY IF THAT'S

TRUE.

Can you ask him to get me a muffin?

>> Oh, sure. What kind?

>> Um let me think.

What do I want?

What do I want?

>> Please take your time. It's an important

decision. Not like, say, I don't know,

deciding to marry someone. This is about

a muffin.

>> Blueberry.

>> Blueberry it is.

>> Thank you.

Wow, he's really not letting this go, is

he?

>> God, how long do you think that's going

to last?

>> Well, I don't know. He got over the we

were on a break thing really quickly.

>> I'm here for Ross Geller's memorial

service.

>> Corey?

Corey Weston?

>> Yeah.

>> You look amazing.

>> And you are?

>> Chandler. Chandler Bing. And I'm not

gay. I'm not gay at all.

>> You are married, though.

>> Don't listen to him. He's in a really

bad mood.

>> I can't believe that Ross is gone. It is

just so sad.

>> I didn't know Ross and you were so

close.

>> Oh, we weren't. But we had one class

together. He was such a great guy.

And he talked so passionately about

science.

I always remembered him.

>> I'm sure that would mean a lot to him.

And if heaven has a door,

I'm sure he's pressing his ear up

against it and listening intently.

>> I thought so many times about calling

him and asking him out.

I guess I really missed my chance.

>> NO, YOU DIDN'T!

I'M STILL ALIVE!

COREY, I I KNOW THIS is a big surprise

for you. It's a long story, but the

things you just said really made my day.

I mean, the fact that you were here

means more to me than than if this room

were filled with people.

>> You sick freak! Who does that? I can't

believe I had a crush on you.

>> Did you hear that?

Corey Weston had a crush on me!

Key Vocabulary

Vocabulary	Meanings
pediatrician /ˌpiːdiəˈtrɪʃən/ B2	noun - a medical practitioner specializing in children and their diseases
paleontology /ˌpeɪliɒnˈtɒlədʒi/ C1	noun - the branch of science concerned with fossil animals and plants
staggering /ˈstæɡərɪŋ/ C1	adjective - deeply shocking; astonishing
repercussions /ˌriːpərˈkʌʃənz/ C1	noun - an unintended consequence occurring some time after an event
auditioning /ɔːˈdɪʃənɪŋ/ B2	verb - to perform a short sample of acting or music to be considered for a role
dazzle /ˈdæzəl/ C1	verb - to impress someone deeply with brilliance or skill
fussy /ˈfʌsi/ B2	adjective - hard to please; fastidious; irritable
mugging /ˈmʌɡɪŋ/ B2	noun - a physical attack to take money or goods from another person
humiliating /hjuːˈmɪlieɪtɪŋ/ B2	adjective - causing someone to feel ashamed and foolish
keynote /ˈkiːnoʊt/ B2	adjective - setting the fundamental tone of a conference or meeting
complimentary /ˌkɒmplɪˈmentəri/ B2	adjective - given or supplied free of charge
ironic /aɪˈrɒnɪk/ B2	adjective - happening in the opposite way to what is expected
committed /kəˈmɪtɪd/ B2	adjective - dedicated or loyal to a cause or person
delightful /dɪˈlaɪtfʊl/ B1	adjective - causing delight; charming
inappropriate /ˌɪnəˈproʊpriət/ B2	adjective - not suitable or proper in the circumstances

Key Grammar Structures

• So, no ring, can I assume you're also a single parent?

  ➔ Modal verbs for logical assumption

  ➔ The speaker uses 'can' to make a logical guess about the listener's status.

• If they're off by even a hundred thousand years or so, then you can you can just throw most of our assumptions in the trash.

  ➔ First Conditional (Real possibilities)

  ➔ Used 'If + present simple, will/modal' to describe a potential future consequence.

• I wouldn't say never.

  ➔ Second Conditional (Hypothetical/Counterfactual)

  ➔ Used 'would' to indicate a cautious or hypothetical stance.

• I haven't slept in 40 hours.

  ➔ Present Perfect Simple

  ➔ Used 'have + past participle' to show an action continuing up to the present.

• I'm going to get some more coffee.

  ➔ Future with 'going to' (Intentions)

  ➔ Used 'be going to' to express a plan or intention formed before speaking.

• It's a big deal. You should be excited.

  ➔ Modal verb for advice/expectation ('should')

  ➔ Used 'should be' to suggest that it is the right or expected reaction.

• If I didn't already have a job, I think I would have been really good in advertising.

  ➔ Third Conditional (Regret/Hypothetical past)

  ➔ Used 'If + past perfect, would have + past participle' to talk about a past alternative.

• I hope the ends of these sentences are good.

  ➔ Reporting verb structure (implied 'that')

  ➔ Used 'hope (that) clause' to express a desire about a future situation.