Nice car.
00:03
00:04
>> Yeah, it's uh it's not mine.
00:04
00:09
>> I love your car.
00:09
00:10
>> Yeah, it's mine.
00:10
00:13
[laughter]
00:13
00:13
>> I bet it's fast.
00:13
00:15
>> Me, too. Yeah.
00:15
00:17
And comfortable. Do you uh you like
00:17
00:20
leather seats?
00:20
00:21
>> Yeah.
00:21
00:24
>> It's got them.
00:24
00:29
Yeah, she tops out at 130.
00:29
00:32
>> Wow. And that's just in the city. I get
00:32
00:34
her up to 160 when I take her upstate.
00:34
00:37
>> Really?
00:37
00:38
>> You got a place up state?
00:38
00:39
>> Sure.
00:39
00:42
>> Well, uh, I'll see you later. Okay, take
00:42
00:44
it easy.
00:44
00:47
>> Hey,
00:47
00:48
that's my car.
00:48
00:50
>> Really? Oh. Uh, but just give me five
00:50
00:53
more minutes with it.
00:53
00:56
What? What are you doing? Oh, well, I uh
00:56
00:58
I found the keys and now I'm just
00:58
00:59
polishing her up.
00:59
01:01
>> But it's my car.
01:01
01:02
>> Yeah, but it's my wax.
01:02
01:05
>> Listen, I don't come to this city much
01:05
01:08
and I don't know if you're crazy or if
01:08
01:10
this is some kind of street theater, but
01:10
01:14
could I have my keys?
01:14
01:15
>> Sure. Here.
01:15
01:16
>> I'll uh I'll save your parking spot.
01:16
01:18
>> Not coming back.
01:18
01:20
>> Why not?
01:20
01:21
>> I live upstate.
01:21
01:23
>> Yeah, so did I. [laughter]
01:23
01:30
So, the Porsche guy took his car back.
01:30
01:34
[laughter]
01:34
01:36
>> But you found the keys to his clothes.
01:36
01:38
[laughter]
01:38
01:40
>> No, I just uh I just love the way it
01:40
01:43
feels when everybody thinks I own a
01:43
01:44
Porsche.
01:44
01:44
>> And people would think you own a Porsche
01:44
01:46
because you're wearing the clothes.
01:46
01:47
>> Of course, [laughter] only an idiot
01:47
01:50
would wear this stuff if you didn't have
01:50
01:51
the car, right?
01:51
01:54
>> [laughter]
01:54
01:56
>> That is true.
01:56
01:59
>> Yeah, but only a genius would swallow a
01:59
02:01
sonic blaster gun.
02:01
02:03
>> Oh, I've been there.
02:03
02:07
>> I am going to go drive my Porsche.
02:07
02:10
>> Joey, you know you don't actually have
02:10
02:12
one.
02:12
02:13
>> Come on. What are you doing? I'm in
02:13
02:14
character. Will you talk to her?
02:14
02:18
>> Hey, hey, hey, careful around my porch.
02:18
02:24
Hi, Joey.
02:24
02:25
>> Hey, how you doing?
02:25
02:28
>> He has the most amazing Porsche under
02:28
02:31
there.
02:31
02:31
>> I'd love to show you, but I just tucked
02:31
02:33
her in. She's sleeping. [laughter]
02:33
02:36
>> Hey, uh, would you two girls like to go
02:36
02:37
for a drink?
02:37
02:42
>> We should all get dressed up and go to
02:42
02:44
have champagne at the plaza.
02:44
02:45
>> Oh, okay.
02:45
02:47
>> But I I I can't stay too long. I got to
02:47
02:49
get up early for a commercial audition
02:49
02:51
tomorrow and I got to look good.
02:51
02:53
Supposed to be playing a 19-year-old.
02:53
02:56
[laughter]
02:56
02:58
>> What? So, when you said get up early,
02:58
03:00
did you mean 1986?
03:00
03:04
[laughter]
03:04
03:04
>> You guys don't think I look 19?
03:04
03:09
>> Oh, 19. We thought you said 90.
03:09
03:15
>> Okay, everybody, let's go. Let's go.
03:15
03:16
>> Okay.
03:16
03:21
Oh my god.
03:21
03:24
[laughter]
03:24
03:28
[laughter]
03:28
03:31
>> Sup.
03:32
03:33
[laughter]
03:33
03:36
Sup, dude.
03:36
03:39
Take whatever you want. Just please
03:39
03:40
don't hurt me.
03:40
03:43
>> It's like playing a little PlayStation,
03:44
03:45
huh?
03:45
03:47
That's whack. [laughter]
03:47
03:50
PlayStation is whack. [laughter]
03:50
03:55
Sup with the whack. PlayStation sump.
03:55
03:58
[laughter]
03:58
03:59
Huh?
04:00
04:01
Come on. Am I 19 or what?
04:01
04:04
>> Yes. On a scale from 1 to 10, 10 being
04:04
04:07
the dumbest a person can look, you are
04:07
04:09
definitely 19. [laughter]
04:09
04:12
>> Come on, man. Really? How old?
04:12
04:14
>> Young. You're a manchild. Okay, now go
04:14
04:17
get changed because everybody's ready.
04:17
04:19
And please Oh, please keep my underwear.
04:19
04:22
[laughter]
04:22
04:23
>> Oh, thanks.
04:23
04:23
>> Okay,
04:23
04:25
>> now I can pass for 19, right?
04:26
04:29
>> Yes, you can pass for 19.
04:29
04:31
>> Really?
04:31
04:32
>> Yes.
04:32
04:33
>> Seriously? Seriously? Seriously? No.
04:33
04:36
Okay. You can play your own age, which
04:36
04:39
is 31.
04:39
04:41
[laughter]
04:41
04:43
I'm 30.
04:43
04:46
>> Joey, you are not. You're 31.
04:46
04:50
>> Oh crap.
04:50
04:52
>> Where's Chandler?
04:52
04:53
>> Uh, he can't make it. He said he had to
04:53
04:54
go back to his uh job and do uh Uhoh.
04:54
04:59
[laughter]
04:59
05:00
>> Joey.
05:00
05:03
>> Joey Tribani.
05:03
05:10
Joey, I can see you. Okay. You're hiding
05:10
05:12
behind the coats.
05:12
05:18
[laughter]
05:18
05:25
>> Close one.
05:25
05:28
>> Hey.
05:28
05:29
>> Hey. Hey.
05:29
05:29
>> Is uh is Chandler around?
05:29
05:31
>> Nope. Um he met some girl at the coffee
05:31
05:33
house.
05:33
05:34
>> Yeah.
05:34
05:35
>> Ginger something. No,
05:35
05:37
[laughter]
05:37
05:38
no, no. Uh, are you sure it wasn't
05:38
05:41
something that sounded like Ginger? Like
05:41
05:43
uh Ginger?
05:43
05:46
>> No, it was Ginger. I remember because
05:46
05:48
when he told me I said the movie star.
05:48
05:53
>> Oh man, that's the girl I was hiding
05:53
05:55
from. When she finds out he's my
05:55
05:57
roommate, she's going to tell him what I
05:57
05:59
did.
05:59
05:59
>> Well, what did you do?
05:59
06:00
>> Oh. Oh. Oh, no. No. I can't
06:00
06:04
I can't tell you that. Yeah, it's like
06:04
06:05
the most awful, horrible thing I've ever
06:05
06:07
done in my whole life.
06:07
06:08
>> You know what? Don't tell us. We'll just
06:08
06:10
wait till Junior gets home because it'll
06:10
06:11
be more fun that way.
06:11
06:12
>> All right.
06:12
06:15
Okay. It was like four years ago. Okay.
06:15
06:18
Ginger and I had gone out a few times.
06:18
06:20
And then this one weekend, we went up to
06:20
06:22
her dad's cabin. Just me, her, and her
06:22
06:25
annoying little dog, Pepper.
06:25
06:27
Well, that night, I cooked this really
06:27
06:29
romantic dinner.
06:29
06:30
>> You gave her food poisoning.
06:30
06:33
>> I wish.
06:33
06:34
[laughter]
06:34
06:35
After dinner, me, her, and Pepper all
06:35
06:37
fell asleep in front of the fire. Well,
06:37
06:39
I woke up in the middle of the night and
06:39
06:41
I saw that the fire was dying out. So, I
06:41
06:44
picked up a log and threw it on.
06:44
06:48
[laughter]
06:48
06:48
Or at least what I thought was a log.
06:48
06:50
>> Oh my god, you threw pepper on the fire.
06:50
06:53
[laughter]
06:53
06:54
>> I wish.
06:54
06:57
See, I guess another thing I probably
06:57
07:00
should have told you about Ginger is
07:00
07:01
that she kind of has a uh
07:01
07:04
artificial leg.
07:04
07:08
[laughter]
07:08
07:11
>> Oh my god.
07:12
07:14
Joey, what did you do after you threw
07:14
07:16
her leg on the fire?
07:16
07:19
>> I ran.
07:19
07:21
>> Go first.
07:21
07:22
>> Okay.
07:22
07:22
>> Okay. Okay. [applause]
07:22
07:28
Welcome to America.
07:28
07:35
>> All right.
07:35
07:38
>> Oh my gosh.
07:38
07:39
>> Two in a row. You got to use your
07:40
07:41
tongues now. [laughter]
07:41
07:51
>> What are the odds? What are the odds?
07:51
07:54
>> [applause]
07:54
07:55
>> Okay, that that's enough, you know. Let
07:55
07:58
let's let let someone else play.
07:58
08:01
[laughter]
08:01
08:02
>> If you didn't want to play, then why'd
08:02
08:03
you come to the party?
08:03
08:06
>> You got to pick a pocket
08:06
08:08
[music and singing] or two, boys.
08:08
08:12
You've got to pick a pocket for two.
08:12
08:22
>> Lovely. [laughter]
08:22
08:23
Just lovely.
08:23
08:25
>> Really? Thanks.
08:25
08:26
>> Listen, Joey, we definitely want to see
08:26
08:28
you for the call back on Saturday.
08:28
08:30
>> Excellent. [laughter]
08:30
08:32
>> I'll be there.
08:32
08:33
>> Okay. And listen, don't forget to bring
08:33
08:34
your jazz shoes for the dance audition.
08:34
08:40
>> Uhhuh. My uh my agent said that it
08:40
08:43
wasn't a dancing part.
08:43
08:45
>> Oh, Joey, all the roles got to dance a
08:45
08:47
little. But believe me, with your dance
08:47
08:49
background, it'll be a piece of cake.
08:49
08:51
Three years of modern dance with
08:51
08:52
Twilight Tharp.
08:52
08:55
[laughter]
08:55
08:56
>> Five years with the American Ballet
08:56
08:58
Theater.
08:58
09:00
[laughter]
09:00
09:00
>> Hey, everybody lies on their resume.
09:00
09:03
Okay. I wasn't one of the Zoom kids
09:03
09:05
either.
09:05
09:07
>> Well, can you like dance at all?
09:07
09:10
>> Yeah, I can dance, you know.
09:10
09:16
>> [cheering]
09:16
09:21
>> Oh, no. No, no, no. [laughter]
09:21
09:25
>> What? What is that?
09:25
09:26
>> Sure it looks stupid now. There's no
09:26
09:28
music playing.
09:28
09:33
[music]
09:33
09:35
[laughter]
09:35
09:36
>> Uh, Joey. Joey Tribani.
09:36
09:44
>> Listen, Joey. I got a problem. I just
09:44
09:46
got a call from my dance captain. He's
09:46
09:48
having a relationship crisis and can't
09:48
09:50
get out of Long Island.
09:50
09:51
>> So, does that mean the audition's off?
09:51
09:53
[laughter]
09:53
09:53
>> Listen, Joey. Seeing as you've got the
09:54
09:55
most experience,
09:55
09:57
>> I want you to take these dances and
09:57
09:59
teach them the combination.
09:59
10:01
[laughter]
10:01
10:02
>> Plus, oh, Joey, come on. It's easy. You
10:02
10:05
know, it's hand
10:05
10:08
head
10:08
10:10
up.
10:10
10:12
Big turn here. Ronda Jean
10:12
10:15
slide back step step and jazz hands.
10:15
10:22
>> It's a steppity step in jazz hands.
10:22
10:25
Have fun.
10:25
10:27
Bye.
10:27
10:32
All right, let's do it.
10:32
10:44
>> [cheering and applause]
10:44
10:52
>> No, no, no.
10:52
10:54
What was that? I know. It's the best I
10:54
10:57
could get out of him.
10:57
11:00
Well, people, people, people, people,
11:00
11:05
let's try it again. And this time, let's
11:05
11:07
everybody watch Joey. [laughter]
11:07
11:11
Show them how it's done.
11:11
11:16
[laughter]
11:16
11:18
>> Count it all back.
11:18
11:26
>> 85.
11:26
11:27
>> What do you mean? Yesterday you said I
11:27
11:29
was too pretty to pay for stuff.
11:29
11:31
>> It's just I can't because my manager
11:31
11:32
said that I
11:32
11:36
Happy birthday to you.
11:36
11:39
Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday,
11:39
11:43
dear Annie.
11:43
11:44
>> Amy.
11:44
11:45
>> Amy.
11:45
11:47
>> Happy birthday to you. Hey. Hey. That's
11:47
11:51
weird. Today's my birthday, too.
11:51
11:52
>> Yeah. Not in here. It is.
11:52
11:56
[cheering]
11:56
11:57
>> Happy birthday to you.
11:57
12:02
>> You're paying for that.
12:02
12:03
>> No. No. No. It's her birthday.
12:03
12:05
>> You've sung happy birthday to 20
12:05
12:06
different women today.
12:06
12:08
But it really
12:08
12:09
>> We're no longer authorized to distribute
12:09
12:11
birthday muffins.
12:11
12:13
[laughter]
12:13
12:14
>> Damn it.
12:14
12:15
>> We're going to take clunkers to Ross's.
12:15
12:17
We'll be back in a minute. Oh, wait.
12:17
12:19
Before you guys go, can I just ask you a
12:19
12:20
question?
12:20
12:21
>> Yeah.
12:21
12:21
>> Um, when a guy breaks up with his
12:21
12:23
girlfriend, what is an appropriate
12:23
12:24
amount of time to wait before you make a
12:24
12:27
move?
12:27
12:28
>> Oh, I'd say about a month.
12:28
12:30
>> Really? I'd say three to four.
12:30
12:32
>> Half hour.
12:32
12:34
[laughter]
12:34
12:37
Interesting.
12:37
12:39
>> When it's your assistant, I would say
12:39
12:41
never.
12:41
12:41
>> All right, Ra. The big question is, does
12:41
12:44
he like you? Right? Because if he
12:44
12:46
doesn't like you, this is all a moo
12:46
12:48
point.
12:48
12:50
[laughter]
12:50
12:51
>> Huh? A moo point?
12:51
12:56
>> Yeah. It's like a cow's opinion.
12:56
13:00
It just doesn't matter.
13:00
13:03
[laughter]
13:03
13:05
It's Moo.
13:05
13:10
[laughter]
13:10
13:13
>> Have I been living with him for too long
13:13
13:14
or did that all just make sense?
13:14
13:16
[laughter]
13:16
13:17
>> Please don't listen to Joey. Okay. Would
13:17
13:19
you look at him? I He's He's obviously
13:19
13:22
depressed. He's away from his family.
13:22
13:24
He's spending Thanksgiving with
13:24
13:25
strangers. What he needs right now is
13:25
13:26
for you to be his friend.
13:26
13:28
>> Oh, you're right. I'm sorry. Thank you.
13:28
13:31
Okay, that's what I'm going to do.
13:31
13:32
>> Fine. take their advice.
13:32
13:35
No one ever listens to me when the
13:35
13:37
package is this pretty. No one cares
13:37
13:39
what's inside.
13:39
13:40
>> Oh, I guess um good night.
13:40
13:43
>> Well, unless you uh unless you want to
13:43
13:46
hang around.
13:46
13:47
>> Yeah.
13:47
13:48
>> Yeah. I'll let you play with my duck.
13:48
13:51
[clears throat]
13:51
13:53
[music]
13:53
14:03
Hey,
14:03
14:07
stripper.
14:07
14:09
[laughter]
14:09
14:18
[music]
14:18
14:23
>> The stripper stole the ring. The
14:23
14:25
stripper stole the ring. Taylor, get up.
14:25
14:27
Get up. The stripper stole the ring.
14:27
14:30
>> What? The ring is gone.
14:30
14:33
Okay, just like give me a a minute to
14:33
14:35
wake up for this.
14:35
14:39
You lost the ring. You're the worst best
14:39
14:41
man ever.
14:41
14:43
>> Dude, this isn't funny. What am I going
14:43
14:45
to do? I go to sleep last night,
14:45
14:47
everything's cool. I wake up this
14:47
14:48
morning, the stripper's gone, and the
14:48
14:50
ring is gone.
14:50
14:51
>> You slept with the stripper?
14:51
14:52
>> Of course.
14:52
14:53
>> The airport, huh? You know that's over
14:53
14:55
30 miles. That's going to cost you about
14:55
14:58
so bucks. Excuse me. That's $50 bucks.
14:58
15:03
>> What?
15:03
15:04
>> $50.
15:04
15:06
>> Oh, you know what it is? It's smudgy cuz
15:06
15:09
they're fax pages. Now, when I was on
15:09
15:12
Days of Our Lives as Dr. Drake Remor,
15:12
15:15
they'd send over the whole script on
15:15
15:16
real paper and everything.
15:16
15:19
>> That's great. And and and just so you
15:19
15:21
know, if you wanted to expand this
15:22
15:23
scene, like like have the cab crash or
15:23
15:25
something, I could attend to the victims
15:25
15:27
cuz I have a background in medical
15:27
15:28
acting.
15:28
15:31
>> Okay, listen. Thanks for coming in.
15:31
15:32
>> No, no. Uh don't thank me for coming in.
15:32
15:35
Uh at least let me finish.
15:35
15:40
>> Uh we could take the expressway, but uh
15:40
15:43
this time of day you're better off
15:43
15:45
taking the budge.
15:45
15:49
You were going for the word bridge
15:50
15:51
there, weren't you?
15:51
15:53
>> I'll have a good day.
15:53
15:58
[laughter]
15:58
16:02
[laughter]
16:02
16:05
Very funny, Ross. Very lifelike and
16:05
16:08
funny. Okay. [laughter]
16:08
16:13
Oh, no, no, no, no. I I wasn't waving at
16:13
16:15
you, lady.
16:15
16:17
Whoa. Maybe I was.
16:18
16:20
>> Hey, Monica. This totally hot girl in
16:20
16:22
Ross' building is flirting with me.
16:22
16:24
>> Get in there, man. Flirt back. Mix it
16:24
16:26
up.
16:26
16:28
>> Yeah, I'm down with that.
16:28
16:31
[laughter]
16:31
16:32
>> Okay, here goes.
16:32
16:35
How
16:35
16:37
you
16:37
16:39
are doing?
16:39
16:42
[laughter]
16:42
16:43
It worked. She's waving me over. Okay,
16:43
16:46
I'll be right over. Let's see. She's on
16:46
16:47
the third floor.
16:48
16:50
>> Wow. She is pretty, huh?
16:50
16:52
>> Tell me about it. Huh?
16:52
16:54
Oh, no. No, no, no, no. I'm not with
16:54
16:57
her. No, that that's just Monica.
16:57
17:00
Joey Peponyi.
17:00
17:03
>> Oh, still too ethnic. My agent thinks I
17:03
17:05
should have a name that's more neutral.
17:05
17:07
Joey Switzerland.
17:07
17:13
Plus, you know, I think it should be
17:13
17:15
Joe. You know, Joey makes me sound like
17:15
17:17
um I don't know this big, which I'm not.
17:17
17:23
Joe
17:23
17:25
Stalin [snorts]
17:25
17:28
Stalin [laughter]
17:28
17:31
Stalin. Do I know that name? That sounds
17:31
17:33
familiar. Well, it does not ring a bell
17:33
17:35
with me.
17:35
17:37
Joe Stalin, [laughter]
17:37
17:42
you know, that's pretty good.
17:42
17:45
You might want to try Joseph.
17:45
17:54
>> Joseph Stalin.
17:54
17:56
>> I think you'd remember that.
17:56
17:58
>> Oh, yes. [laughter]
17:58
18:01
Bye-bye birdie starring Joseph Stalin.
18:01
18:04
Joseph Stalin is the fiddler on the
18:04
18:06
roof.
18:06
18:13
You know there already is a Joseph
18:13
18:15
Stalin. [laughter]
18:15
18:21
>> You're kidding.
18:22
18:24
>> Apparently he was this Russian dictator
18:24
18:26
who slaughtered all these people.
18:26
18:30
You'd think you would have known that.
18:30
18:32
You know, you'd think I would have.
18:32
18:35
>> Hey guys. Hey sweetie.
18:35
18:37
>> Ready to go?
18:37
18:37
>> Yeah, sure. Oh, I left my purse up at
18:37
18:39
Monica's. I'll be right back.
18:39
18:40
>> Wait a minute. Fun. Oh.
18:40
18:48
Whoa, that one kept going.
18:48
18:56
>> Wow. You and Phoebe, huh? How long you
18:56
18:58
been going out?
18:58
18:59
>> Over a month.
18:59
19:00
>> Wow. Maybe uh maybe you and I ought to
19:00
19:02
get to know each other a little better.
19:02
19:03
>> Sure, I'd like that.
19:03
19:05
>> Yeah. So, uh
19:05
19:08
what's your name?
19:08
19:12
It's Jake.
19:12
19:13
>> Joey.
19:13
19:14
>> Hey, Jake. Uh, do you like the Knicks?
19:14
19:16
>> Yeah, big fan.
19:16
19:17
>> Me, too. There's a game on Tuesday. You
19:17
19:20
want to go?
19:20
19:21
>> Yeah, that'd be great. Let me make sure
19:21
19:23
I'm not doing anything Tuesday
19:23
19:26
[laughter]
19:26
19:28
[music]
19:28
19:31
>> listen. You know how uh when you're
19:32
19:34
wearing pants and you lean forward, I
19:34
19:36
check out your underwear?
19:36
19:37
>> Yeah.
19:37
19:39
[laughter]
19:39
19:40
When Jake did it, I saw that he was
19:40
19:43
wearing women's underwear.
19:43
19:45
>> I know. They were mine.
19:45
19:48
>> Oh, [laughter]
19:48
19:51
no. No. Wait. That's weird.
19:51
19:54
>> No, it's not. We were just goofing
19:54
19:55
around and I dared him to try them on.
19:55
19:58
>> That's weird.
19:58
19:59
>> I'm wearing his briefs right now.
19:59
20:00
>> That's kind of hot.
20:00
20:03
>> I think so, too. And that little flap,
20:03
20:06
it's great for holding my lipstick.
20:06
20:09
>> [laughter]
20:09
20:14
>> Yeah, I wouldn't know about that.
20:14
20:17
>> And you know Jake says that women's
20:17
20:19
underwear is actually more comfortable
20:19
20:21
and he loves the way the silk feels
20:22
20:23
against his skin.
20:23
20:24
>> Yeah. Well, next thing you know, he'd be
20:24
20:26
telling you that your high heels are
20:26
20:27
good for his posture.
20:27
20:29
>> There is nothing wrong with Jake. Okay.
20:30
20:31
He is all man. I'm thinking even more
20:31
20:34
than you.
20:34
20:35
>> Oh yeah. He look like a real lumberjack
20:35
20:36
in those pink laces.
20:36
20:40
I'm just saying that only a man
20:40
20:42
completely secure with his masculinity
20:42
20:44
could walk around in women's underwear.
20:44
20:46
I don't think you could ever do that.
20:46
20:47
>> Hey, I am secure with my masculinity.
20:47
20:50
>> Okay, whatever.
20:50
20:52
>> You've seen my huge stack of porn,
20:52
20:53
right?
20:53
20:56
[music]
20:56
21:04
[laughter]
21:04
21:19
Yeah.
21:19
21:24
[laughter]
21:24
21:29
[laughter]
21:29
21:33
>> Hey, Feebs.
21:33
21:34
>> Hey,
21:34
21:37
Check it out.
21:37
21:40
>> Huh? [cheering]
21:40
21:44
>> How much of a man am I?
21:44
21:46
>> Wow. Nice. Manly and also kind of a
21:46
21:50
[laughter]
21:50
21:52
>> You know, I'm beginning to see what Jake
21:52
21:55
was talking about.
21:55
21:56
>> The silk feels really good.
21:56
21:59
>> Yeah. And and things aren't as smashed
21:59
22:02
down as I thought they were going to be.
22:02
22:04
It's great, Joe.
22:04
22:05
>> Yeah. And you have so many more choices
22:05
22:07
than you do with men's underwear.
22:07
22:08
Bikini, French cut, thong, and and the
22:08
22:11
fabrics. You got cotton, silk, lace, and
22:11
22:14
you know what? I've always wondered
22:14
22:15
about panty hoes.
22:15
22:18
You know, the way they start at your toe
22:18
22:19
and then they go all the way up to
22:19
22:22
[laughter]
22:22
22:25
>> I should go take these off, shouldn't I?
22:25
22:27
>> I think it's important that you do
22:27
22:31
>> feel better.
22:31
22:32
>> Yeah. much.
22:32
22:35
Listen, uh not that I'm insecure about
22:35
22:38
my manhood or anything, you know, but uh
22:38
22:42
I think I need to hook up with a woman
22:42
22:44
like right now.
22:44
22:45
>> Yeah, I understand.
22:45
22:46
>> Yeah. Okay.
22:46
22:53
>> Hey. Hi.
22:53
22:54
>> Hi.
22:54
22:55
>> You know, you look familiar. Do I know
22:55
22:56
you from somewhere?
22:56
22:58
>> I don't think so.
22:58
23:00
>> Maybe it's because I'm on television.
23:00
23:03
>> [laughter]
23:03
23:04
>> I'm an actor on Days of Our Lives.
23:04
23:06
>> Wow.
23:06
23:07
>> Really?
23:07
23:07
>> Mhm.
23:07
23:08
>> 450, please.
23:08
23:09
>> Oh, let me get this.
23:09
23:15
[laughter]
23:15
23:22
>> These are for you.
23:22
23:24
>> Hi, guys.
23:24
23:25
>> Hey.
23:25
23:26
>> Oh, what's in the bag?
23:26
23:27
>> Oh. Uh, well, you know how Emma started
23:27
23:29
crawling? I realized that this place is
23:29
23:31
very unsafe for a baby. So, I went to
23:31
23:34
the store and I got some stuff to baby
23:34
23:36
proof the apartment.
23:36
23:38
>> Oh god. Baby proofing. Why is this such
23:38
23:41
a big deal now? You know, when I was a
23:41
23:43
kid, it was like, "Whoops, Joey fell
23:43
23:45
down the stairs." Or, uh, "Whoops, Joey
23:45
23:48
electrocuted himself again." [laughter]
23:48
23:52
>> Anyway, um, are you going to get a
23:52
23:55
handyman to install this stuff?
23:55
23:56
>> No, I was just going to do it myself.
23:56
23:59
>> Yeah.
23:59
24:01
>> [laughter]
24:01
24:02
>> You're going to do it?
24:02
24:03
>> Yeah. Why? You don't think a woman can
24:03
24:06
do this?
24:06
24:07
>> Well, women can't. You can't.
24:07
24:11
>> Monica, will you please tell Joey that
24:11
24:13
he is a pig?
24:13
24:15
>> You're a pig and you can't do this.
24:15
24:18
>> What?
24:18
24:19
>> What? Come on. I found the hardware
24:19
24:21
store all by myself.
24:21
24:23
>> The hardware store is right down the
24:23
24:24
street.
24:24
24:25
>> There is a hardware store right down the
24:25
24:26
street.
24:26
24:29
>> [music]
24:29
24:30
>> Hi. So, you gave in and decided to call
24:30
24:33
someone?
24:33
24:33
>> Yeah, I don't know who I was kidding. I
24:34
24:36
can barely use chopsticks.
24:36
24:38
>> You're all set.
24:38
24:39
>> Oh, thank you so much. Oh. Oh, wait. You
24:39
24:42
uh forgot your um your game.
24:42
24:46
>> Thank you.
24:46
24:50
[music]
24:50
24:57
>> [laughter]
24:57
25:01
>> Ra.
25:01
25:02
[snorts]
25:02
25:06
[laughter]
25:06
25:10
Rachel.
25:10
25:12
[laughter]
25:12
25:18
[laughter]
25:18
25:23
[laughter]
25:23
25:25
So, I can't do anything I like.
25:25
25:30
[laughter]
25:30
25:34
I did it. I did it. All right.
25:34
25:43
[laughter]
25:43
25:44
Better take all I can carry.
25:44
25:48
Who knows when I'll be able to get in
25:48
25:49
here again, huh?
25:49
25:51
>> All right. I took the quiz and it turns
25:51
25:54
out I do put career before men.
25:54
25:56
[laughter]
25:56
25:59
>> Get up.
25:59
26:01
>> What?
26:01
26:02
>> Near my seat.
26:02
26:03
>> How is this your seat?
26:03
26:08
>> Cuz I was sitting there.
26:08
26:09
>> But then you left.
26:10
26:11
>> Well, it's not like I went to Spain.
26:12
26:14
[laughter]
26:14
26:15
I went to the bathroom. You knew I was
26:15
26:17
coming back.
26:17
26:17
>> What's the big deal? Sit somewhere else.
26:17
26:20
The big deal is I was sitting there
26:20
26:21
last, so it's my seat.
26:21
26:25
>> Well, actually, the last place you were
26:25
26:27
sitting was in there. So,
26:27
26:30
>> you guys, you know what? You know what?
26:30
26:32
It doesn't matter because you both have
26:32
26:34
to go get dressed before the big vein in
26:34
26:36
my head pops. So,
26:36
26:37
>> all right, Ross. I just have to do one
26:38
26:39
thing really quickly. It's not a big
26:39
26:40
deal.
26:40
26:41
>> Get up.
26:41
26:45
>> All right, fine. You know what? We'll
26:45
26:46
both sit in the chair.
26:46
26:47
>> Fine with me.
26:47
26:50
>> [laughter]
26:50
26:52
>> I'm so comfortable.
26:52
26:56
>> Me, too. In fact, I think I might be a
26:56
27:00
little too comfortable.
27:00
27:01
>> All right.
27:01
27:05
>> Okay. Look, we have 19 minutes. Okay.
27:05
27:06
Chandler, I want you to go and change.
27:06
27:08
Okay? And then when you come back, Joey
27:08
27:10
will go change and he'll have vacated
27:10
27:12
the chair. Okay? Okay.
27:12
27:14
>> All right. Fine. I'm going. When I get
27:14
27:17
back, it's chair city and I'm the guy
27:17
27:19
who's sitting in a chair.
27:19
27:24
All right. You will notice that I am
27:24
27:26
fully dressed. I in turn have noticed
27:26
27:29
that you are not. So, in the words of a
27:29
27:32
mil, get out of my chair. Dealhole.
27:32
27:38
>> Okay.
27:38
27:44
>> [applause and cheering]
27:44
27:47
>> What are you doing? Well, you said I had
27:47
27:49
to give you the chair. You didn't see
27:49
27:50
anything about the cushions.
27:50
27:52
>> The cushions are the essence of the
27:52
27:54
chair.
27:54
27:54
>> That's right. I'm taking the essence.
27:54
27:56
[laughter]
27:56
27:58
He'll be back. Oh, there's nobody in the
27:58
28:01
room.
28:01
28:05
Where's my underwear? Whoa, whoa, whoa,
28:05
28:07
whoa. Come on. Come on. What? You took
28:07
28:09
his underwear?
28:09
28:10
>> He took my essence.
28:10
28:11
>> Okay. Yeah, hold on,
28:11
28:14
>> Joey. Why Why can't you just wear the
28:14
28:15
underwear you're wearing now?
28:15
28:17
>> Cuz I'm not wearing any underwear now.
28:17
28:20
[laughter]
28:20
28:21
>> Okay. Um, then why do you have to wear
28:21
28:22
underwear tonight?
28:22
28:23
>> It's a rented tux. Okay. Not going to go
28:23
28:26
commando in another man's fatigue.
28:26
28:31
>> Well, then it looks like somebody's
28:31
28:32
going to have to give somebody back his
28:32
28:34
cushions.
28:34
28:35
>> Okay, you hide my clothes. I'm going to
28:35
28:37
do the exact opposite to you.
28:38
28:41
What are you What are you going to show
28:42
28:43
me? My clothes. Hey, opposite
28:43
28:47
is opposite.
28:47
28:50
>> He's got nothing.
28:50
28:57
[cheering]
28:57
29:01
Okay, buddy. Boy, here it is.
29:01
29:04
You hide my clothes, I'm wearing
29:04
29:06
everything you own.
29:06
29:08
Oh my god.
29:08
29:11
>> [laughter]
29:11
29:11
>> That is so not the opposite of taking
29:12
29:13
somebody's underwear.
29:13
29:15
Look at me. I'm Chandler. Could I be
29:15
29:18
wearing any more clothes?
29:18
29:22
Maybe if I wasn't going commando.
29:22
29:27
Yeah,
29:28
29:29
I'll tell you, it's hot with all this
29:29
29:31
stuff on. I uh I better not do any I
29:31
29:33
don't know, lunges.
29:33
29:37
>> Okay. Okay. Enough. But not for the
29:37
29:39
Monday. No, I'm sick of this. Okay, I've
29:39
29:41
had it up to here with you two. Neither
29:41
29:43
of you can come to the party.
29:43
29:46
>> Jeez, what a baby.
29:46
29:49
>> Presenting the award for favorite
29:49
29:50
returning male character is Mackenzie.
29:50
29:52
>> This is it. This is this is my category.
29:52
29:53
>> Oh my god. Do you have speech?
29:54
29:55
>> Yeah. Got my speech.
29:55
29:56
>> Did you got your gracious face?
29:56
29:57
>> Yep.
29:57
30:00
>> Now, Charlie, remember if you win, you
30:00
30:01
have to hug me. You hug me.
30:02
30:03
>> Okay.
30:03
30:03
>> Can I squeeze your ass [laughter]
30:04
30:07
>> on TV? proven that this is not always in
30:07
30:11
the category of favorite returning male
30:11
30:13
character. The nominees are John Wheeler
30:13
30:15
from General Hospital, [applause]
30:16
30:19
Gavin Graham from The Young and the
30:19
30:21
Restless,
30:21
30:23
Duncan Harrington from Passions,
30:23
30:26
[applause] and Joey Tribani from Days of
30:26
30:29
Our Lives.
30:29
30:32
And the Sophie goes to
30:32
30:36
Gavin Graham from The Young and the
30:36
30:37
Restless. [applause]
30:37
30:39
[music]
30:39
30:45
[music]
30:45
30:47
>> Pass the cheese, please.
30:47
30:54
>> My god, you can't even look at me, can
30:54
30:56
you?
30:56
30:57
>> Nope.
30:57
31:00
>> Hey, it's Phoebe. We can talk to BB.
31:00
31:03
[laughter]
31:03
31:04
>> No, I'm I'm too depressed to talk.
31:04
31:07
>> I'll give you $1,000 to talk to us.
31:07
31:10
[laughter]
31:10
31:10
>> Hey, you guys. What do you What do you
31:10
31:12
think about making that beach trip an
31:12
31:14
annual thing?
31:14
31:14
>> No.
31:14
31:16
>> All right, that's it. You guys, what
31:16
31:18
happened out there?
31:18
31:19
>> What? We took a walk. Nothing happened.
31:19
31:22
I came back with nothing all over me.
31:22
31:26
>> Come on. What happened, Joey?
31:26
31:29
>> All right.
31:29
31:30
>> No. Joey, we swore we'd never tell.
31:30
31:33
>> They'll never understand. [laughter]
31:33
31:38
>> We have to say something. We have to get
31:38
31:40
it out. It's eating me alive.
31:40
31:45
>> Monica got stung by a jellyfish.
31:45
31:47
>> All right.
31:47
31:52
>> All right.
31:52
31:53
[laughter]
31:53
31:56
I got stung.
31:56
31:59
stung bad. [laughter]
31:59
32:03
I couldn't stand. I I couldn't walk.
32:03
32:07
>> We were two miles from the house.
32:07
32:10
[laughter]
32:10
32:11
>> We're scared and alone.
32:11
32:13
We didn't think we could make it.
32:13
32:19
[laughter]
32:19
32:21
>> I was in too much pain.
32:21
32:22
>> And I was tired from digging the huge
32:22
32:24
hole.
32:24
32:27
And then Joey remembered something.
32:27
32:31
>> I'd seen this thing on the Discovery
32:31
32:32
Channel.
32:32
32:33
>> Wait a minute. I saw that on the
32:33
32:35
Discovery Channel. Yeah. About jellyfish
32:36
32:38
and how if you
32:38
32:43
>> Ew,
32:43
32:44
you peed on yourself.
32:44
32:46
>> Ew.
32:46
32:48
>> You can't say that. You You don't know.
32:48
32:52
I thought I was going to pass out from
32:52
32:53
the pain. Anyway, I I tried but I I
32:53
32:57
couldn't been that way.
32:57
33:02
>> So,
33:02
33:06
[cheering]
33:06
33:09
that's right. I stepped up.
33:10
33:15
>> She's my friend and she needed help.
33:15
33:18
If I had to, I'd pee on any one of you.
33:18
33:21
[laughter]
33:21
33:23
>> [applause]
33:23
33:23
[cheering]
33:23
33:26
>> only uh I couldn't
33:26
33:29
[laughter]
33:29
33:32
I got to stage fright.
33:32
33:35
>> I wanted to help but there was just too
33:35
33:37
much pressure. So So I uh I turned to
33:37
33:40
Chandler.
33:40
33:45
>> Joy kept screaming at me, "Do it now. Do
33:45
33:47
it. Do it. Do it now."
33:47
33:49
>> [laughter]
33:49
33:51
>> Sometimes late at night I can still hear
33:51
33:53
the screaming. [laughter]
33:53
33:57
>> That's cuz sometimes I just do it
33:57
33:59
through my wall to freak you out.
33:59
34:02
[music]
34:02
34:06
>> Die Hard. Still great.
34:06
34:07
>> Yeah.
34:08
34:09
>> Hey, what do you say we make it a double
34:09
34:10
feature?
34:10
34:11
>> What else do you rent?
34:11
34:13
>> Die Hard 2. [laughter]
34:13
34:16
>> Joey, this is Die Hard one again.
34:16
34:19
Oh, but we watched it a second time and
34:20
34:22
it's Die Hard, too.
34:22
34:25
>> Joey, we just saw it and
34:25
34:27
>> and it would be cool to see it again.
34:27
34:30
>> Yeah, Die Hard.
34:30
34:34
>> Dude, you didn't say Die Hard.
34:34
34:37
>> Is everything okay? [laughter]
34:37
34:40
>> Yeah, I just got I got plans.
34:40
34:42
>> Well, John Mlan had plans. [laughter]
34:42
34:46
No, you see the thing is I want to get
34:46
34:48
out of here before Joey gets all worked
34:48
34:49
up and starts calling everybody
34:49
34:53
>> What are you talking about,
34:53
34:59
[music]
34:59
35:02
[laughter]
35:02
35:12
>> [laughter]
35:12
35:16
>> What happened?
35:16
35:17
>> I don't know. [laughter] You fell
35:17
35:19
asleep. That is all.
35:19
35:22
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
35:22
35:26
>> All right. Well, uh, I better go.
35:26
35:28
>> Yeah, I think that would be best.
35:28
35:30
>> All right. I'll talk to you later.
35:30
35:32
>> Okay. But not about this.
35:32
35:33
>> No, never. [laughter]
35:33
35:35
>> Never.
35:35
35:36
>> So, uh, uh,
35:36
35:39
bye.
35:39
35:39
>> No touch. No. [laughter]
35:39
35:45
[music]
35:45
35:50
>> Hey,
35:50
35:51
>> just uh brought back your videos.
35:51
35:54
>> Uh hey, uh Ross, look. Uh I think we
35:54
35:57
need to talk about before.
35:57
35:58
>> No, no, we don't.
35:58
36:01
>> Yes, we do. Now, look, that was the best
36:01
36:04
nap I ever had.
36:04
36:10
I I don't know what you're talking
36:10
36:12
about.
36:12
36:14
>> Come on, admit it. That was the best nap
36:14
36:16
you ever had.
36:16
36:19
>> I've had better. [laughter]
36:19
36:22
>> Okay. When
36:22
36:26
All right. All right. It was the best
36:26
36:28
nap ever. I said it. Okay. But it's
36:28
36:31
over, Joey.
36:31
36:34
[laughter]
36:34
36:34
>> I want to do it again.
36:34
36:40
We can't do it again.
36:40
36:42
>> Why not?
36:42
36:43
>> Because it's weird.
36:43
36:45
[laughter]
36:45
36:46
>> Fine.
36:46
36:49
>> You want something to drink?
36:49
36:50
>> Sure. What do you got?
36:50
36:51
>> Warm milk and etan PM.
36:51
37:00
>> Boy, I'll tell you that judging stuff
37:00
37:02
took a lot out of me.
37:02
37:03
>> Yeah.
37:04
37:04
>> Yeah. think about maybe going upstairs
37:04
37:06
and taking a little nap on my couch.
37:06
37:11
[laughter]
37:11
37:12
>> Why Why would I care about that?
37:12
37:16
>> No reason. I'm just saying that uh
37:16
37:20
that's where I'll be.
37:20
37:25
[laughter]
37:25
37:39
>> [laughter]
37:39
37:43
[music]
37:43
37:44
[laughter]
37:44
37:52
>> Great nap.
37:52
37:53
>> It really was.
37:53
37:56
[clears throat]
37:56
37:58
>> [cheering]
37:58
38:00
[applause]
38:00
38:07
[laughter]
38:07
38:13
>> Dude, what the hell are you doing?
38:13
38:19
[laughter]
38:19
38:24
>> Excuse me.
38:24
38:27
I don't believe in these crazy diets,
38:27
38:29
you know, just everything in moderation.
38:29
38:32
>> Your muffins.
38:32
38:33
>> Uh,
38:33
38:36
>> I'll take those to go
38:36
38:39
>> for the kids. [laughter]
38:39
38:42
>> Oh, I know what I wanted to ask you. You
38:42
38:45
were on the show years ago and then they
38:45
38:46
killed you off. What happened there?
38:46
38:49
>> It's so stupid. I said some stuff in an
38:49
38:52
interview that I really shouldn't have
38:52
38:53
said, but believe me, that is not going
38:53
38:55
to happen today.
38:55
38:56
>> Understood.
38:56
38:58
>> So, what did you say back then?
38:58
38:59
>> I said that I
38:59
39:03
[laughter]
39:03
39:10
interviewing me for Soap Opera Digest.
39:10
39:12
Shel, these are my friends.
39:12
39:13
>> Hi, I'm gal pal Rachel Green. Um, and if
39:13
39:16
you want the dirt, I'm the one you come
39:16
39:18
to. This might be Joey's baby. Who
39:18
39:20
knows?
39:20
39:23
>> I'm just kidding. Seriously, gal pal
39:23
39:25
Rachel Green.
39:25
39:27
>> Who just lost the respect of her unborn
39:27
39:30
child.
39:30
39:31
>> Um, I'm going to just go get this warmed
39:32
39:33
up. Okay,
39:33
39:35
>> Joey, you're doing great.
39:35
39:36
>> Yeah, so far nothing stupid.
39:36
39:39
>> Mento. No thanks.
39:39
39:42
>> Hey Joe, what's up?
39:42
39:44
>> Bad news. I watched the tape and passed
39:44
39:46
along to my bosses and they weren't
39:46
39:47
interested.
39:47
39:49
>> Oh,
39:49
39:50
sorry, man.
39:50
39:54
But uh you watched the tape?
39:54
39:57
>> Yeah, I I I I liked it,
39:57
40:00
>> but uh my bosses didn't go for it.
40:00
40:03
Stupid sons of
40:03
40:05
[laughter]
40:05
40:10
You didn't watch the tape.
40:10
40:12
>> What? Of course I did.
40:12
40:14
>> Look, it's one thing not to cast me, but
40:14
40:16
to lie to me.
40:16
40:17
>> I'm not lying to you. I watched it.
40:17
40:19
>> No, you lied again.
40:20
40:21
>> I watched it.
40:21
40:22
>> Keep going, Pinocchio.
40:22
40:24
[laughter]
40:24
40:25
>> I did.
40:25
40:26
>> No, you didn't.
40:26
40:27
>> I'm telling you, I watched the tape.
40:27
40:31
>> Did you watch the tape?
40:31
40:33
>> No.
40:33
40:39
Can't believe Joey, [music]
40:39
40:40
I hate being called a liar.
40:40
40:42
>> But you are a liar.
40:42
40:45
>> What did I just say? [laughter]
40:45
40:48
>> You still here?
40:48
40:49
>> Yes. And I have to say I am not just
40:49
40:51
hurt. I am insulted when I tell somebody
40:51
40:54
I did something.
40:54
40:54
>> Okay. All right. Let me just stop you
40:54
40:56
right there. Okay. First you lied,
40:56
40:58
right? Then you lied about lying. Okay.
40:58
41:01
Then you lied about lying about lying.
41:02
41:04
Okay. So before you lie about lying
41:04
41:06
about lying about lying about lying,
41:06
41:10
[laughter]
41:10
41:12
stop lying.
41:12
41:14
Why are you so sure I didn't watch this
41:14
41:16
tape? You want to know why? You want to
41:16
41:17
know why?
41:17
41:19
>> Well, this is going well.
41:19
41:23
>> Here's how I know you didn't watch the
41:23
41:24
tape. Okay. If you had seen what was on
41:24
41:26
this tape, believe me, you would have
41:26
41:28
some comments. All right. Now remember,
41:28
41:31
I got paid a lot of money for this and
41:31
41:33
it only aired in Japan.
41:33
41:36
>> Ichiban
41:36
41:38
[music]
41:38
41:39
Ichiban lipstick for men.
41:39
41:54
Ichiban lipstick for men. Sai.
41:54
41:58
[laughter]
41:58
42:00
>> And that's how I know you didn't watch
42:00
42:02
the tape.
42:02
42:06
>> He really is a chameleon.
42:06
42:12
>> Hello.
42:12
42:15
>> Hello.
42:15
42:19
>> Baby,
42:19
42:21
>> Joey. What's going on?
42:21
42:23
>> What?
42:23
42:27
Oh my god.
42:27
42:28
>> I know it's stuck.
42:28
42:33
>> Dad, how did it get on?
42:34
42:36
>> I put it on to scare Chandler.
42:36
42:39
>> Oh my god. Monica's going to totally
42:39
42:42
freak out.
42:42
42:43
>> Well, then help me get it off. Plus,
42:43
42:45
well, it smells really bad in here.
42:45
42:48
>> Of course it smells really bad. You have
42:48
42:49
your head up a dead animal.
42:49
42:56
>> [laughter]
42:56
42:58
>> Hey.
42:58
43:02
>> Hey. Did you get the turkey, baby? Oh my
43:02
43:03
god. Oh my god.
43:03
43:06
>> Who is that?
43:06
43:08
>> It's Joey. [laughter]
43:08
43:10
>> What? What are you doing? And is this
43:10
43:12
supposed to be funny?
43:12
43:13
>> No, it's not supposed to be funny. It's
43:13
43:14
supposed to be scary. [laughter]
43:14
43:17
>> Get her off now.
43:17
43:19
>> I can't. It's stuck.
43:19
43:21
>> I don't care that. That turkey has to
43:21
43:22
feed 20 people at my parents house and
43:22
43:24
they're not going to eat it off your
43:24
43:25
head. [laughter]
43:25
43:26
>> Hold on. Okay, let's just I'll think.
43:26
43:32
[laughter]
43:32
43:35
>> Okay, I got it. Phoebe. All right, you
43:35
43:38
pull. I'm going to spread the legs as
43:38
43:40
wide as I can.
43:40
43:44
>> Joey, now is not the time.
43:44
43:46
>> Sorry, guys.
43:46
43:47
>> Okay, count to three. One, two, three.
43:47
43:52
[screaming]
43:52
43:54
[laughter]
43:54
43:56
>> It worked. I scared you. I knew it.
43:56
44:00
[laughter]
44:00
44:01
>> I'm over here, big guy.
44:01
44:02
>> Yeah, you are.
44:02
44:03
>> Hey, Ra. How you doing with the shining?
44:03
44:06
>> Oh, Danny just went into room 217.
44:06
44:08
>> Ooh, the next part's the best. When that
44:08
44:11
dead lady in the bathtub.
44:11
44:12
>> Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Come
44:12
44:13
on. You're going to ruin it.
44:13
44:15
>> All right, I'll talk in code. Remember
44:15
44:17
when the kid sees those two blanks in
44:17
44:19
the hallway?
44:19
44:22
>> That's very cool.
44:22
44:24
>> All blank and no blank makes blank a
44:24
44:26
blank blank.
44:26
44:29
[laughter]
44:29
44:30
>> Oh, no. No, no. The end when Jack almost
44:30
44:33
kills them all with that blank, but then
44:33
44:34
in the last second they get away.
44:34
44:38
[laughter]
44:38
44:38
>> Joey, I can't believe you just did that.
44:38
44:40
>> I can't believe she cracked your code.
44:40
44:48
All right. Okay. Lori proposes to Joe
44:48
44:51
and she says no even though she's still
44:51
44:53
in love with him. And then he ends up
44:53
44:54
marrying Amy.
44:54
44:58
>> Hey, mine was by accident.
44:58
45:02
All right. The boiler explodes and
45:02
45:04
destroys the hotel and kills the dad.
45:04
45:09
>> Beth dies.
45:09
45:13
>> [cheering]
45:13
45:19
>> Beth.
45:19
45:20
>> Beth dies.
45:20
45:23
>> Is that true? If I keep reading, is Beth
45:23
45:25
going to die?
45:25
45:27
>> No. Beth doesn't die. She doesn't die.
45:27
45:29
Does she, Rachel?
45:29
45:30
>> What?
45:30
45:31
>> Joey's asking if you've just ruined the
45:31
45:33
first book he's ever loved that didn't
45:33
45:35
star Jack Nicholson.
45:35
45:37
Big hug. One more. Big hug. Come on.
45:37
45:42
How are you? [laughter]
45:42
45:45
>> Uh, Dr. Green, where you going?
45:45
45:47
>> To get my coat.
45:47
45:49
>> All right. All right. I can get my own
45:49
45:51
coat.
45:51
46:00
>> Sorry, we're on a major fla high.
46:00
46:03
[laughter]
46:03
46:05
>> Oh, no. No. You're not supposed to be
46:05
46:07
here cuz it's the staging area. You
46:08
46:10
should, it's all wrong. You should
46:10
46:11
leave, you know. Just get out.
46:11
46:23
>> Or perhaps you'd like a creme de
46:23
46:26
[laughter]
46:26
46:27
have to be heading toward my chateau.
46:27
46:29
Thank you.
46:29
46:30
>> Oh, all right. Well, then I guess we're
46:30
46:31
going back into the hallway again.
46:31
46:33
>> Thanks for coming, Mrs. Green.
46:33
46:39
>> [cheering]
46:39
46:42
[applause]
46:42
46:45
>> Okay,
46:45
46:47
you [laughter] take care.
46:47
46:52
>> Oh, you kids.
46:52
46:56
[sighs]
46:56
46:57
Well, [laughter]
46:57
47:00
this is the best party I've been to in
47:00
47:02
years.
47:02
47:04
Thank you.
47:04
47:14
>> [clears throat]
47:14
47:19
>> Monica,
47:19
47:22
>> what time is it?
47:22
47:24
>> Uh, 9.
47:24
47:26
[laughter]
47:26
47:27
>> But it's dark out.
47:27
47:29
>> Um, well, that's because you always
47:29
47:31
sleep till noon, silly.
47:31
47:33
This is what nine looks like. [laughter]
47:34
47:37
>> I guess I'll get washed up then.
47:37
47:40
>> Watch that sunrise.
47:40
47:45
>> I'm really getting tired of sneaking
47:45
47:47
around all the time.
47:47
47:47
>> I know. Me, too. You know. Hey, you know
47:48
47:49
what? What if we went away for the whole
47:49
47:50
weekend? You know, we'd have no
47:50
47:51
interruptions and we could be naked the
47:51
47:53
entire time.
47:53
47:55
>> All weekend. That's a whole lot of
47:55
47:57
naked. [laughter]
47:57
47:58
>> Yeah. I could say that I have a
47:58
47:59
conference and you can say you have a
47:59
48:01
chef thing. Oh, I've always wanted to go
48:02
48:04
to this culinary fair that they have in
48:04
48:05
Jersey.
48:05
48:06
>> Okay. You know, you're not
48:06
48:09
ready.
48:09
48:09
>> Let's go.
48:09
48:10
>> Okay. Wait, what about Joey?
48:10
48:29
Damn Rolos.
48:29
48:32
Hey, you're back.
48:32
48:33
>> Hey, how was your conference?
48:33
48:35
>> It was terrible. I fought with my
48:36
48:38
colleagues, you know, the entire time.
48:38
48:40
Are you kidding with this?
48:40
48:43
>> Uh, so your weekend was a total bust.
48:43
48:45
>> Uh, no. I got to see Donald Trump
48:45
48:46
waiting for an elevator. [laughter]
48:46
48:49
[music]
48:49
48:53
Hey.
48:53
48:55
Hey, Mr. Bing. That uh hotel you stayed
48:55
48:59
at called
48:59
49:01
said someone left an eyelash curler in
49:01
49:03
your room.
49:03
49:07
>> Yes, that was mine. [laughter]
49:07
49:10
>> Cuz I figured you hooked up with some
49:10
49:11
girl and she left it there.
49:11
49:13
>> Yes, that would have made more sense.
49:14
49:16
[laughter]
49:16
49:17
You know, I I don't even feel like I
49:17
49:19
know you anymore, man. All right. Look,
49:19
49:23
I'm just going to ask you this one time.
49:23
49:24
All right, and whatever you say, I'll
49:24
49:26
believe you.
49:26
49:28
Were you or were you not on a gay
49:28
49:32
cruise? [laughter]
49:32
49:38
>> Hey. Hey.
49:38
49:40
>> Hey.
49:40
49:40
>> Oh, hey, Monica. I heard you saw Donald
49:40
49:42
Trump at your convention.
49:42
49:44
>> Yeah. So, I'm waiting for an elevator.
49:44
49:48
[laughter]
49:48
49:49
>> Hey, Ra. Can I borrow your eyelash
49:49
49:51
curler? I think I lost mine.
49:51
49:52
>> Yeah. So, [cheering]
49:52
50:00
Joey, can I talk to you for a second?
50:00
50:16
Yes.
50:16
50:18
Yes.
50:18
50:20
You and and you. [laughter]
50:20
50:24
>> Yes. But you cannot tell anyone. No one
50:24
50:26
knows.
50:26
50:27
>> How? When?
50:27
50:29
>> It happened in London.
50:29
50:30
>> In London?
50:30
50:34
>> The reason we didn't tell anyone was cuz
50:34
50:36
we didn't want to make a big deal out of
50:36
50:38
it.
50:38
50:38
>> But it is a big deal.
50:38
50:41
I have to tell someone.
50:41
50:44
>> You can't. [laughter]
50:44
50:45
>> Please. Please. We just don't want to
50:45
50:46
deal with telling everyone. Okay. Just
50:46
50:48
promise you won't tell.
50:48
50:54
>> All right.
50:54
50:57
Man, this is unbelievable.
50:57
50:59
I mean, it's great. But
51:00
51:04
>> I know it's great. [laughter]
51:04
51:06
>> Oh, I don't want to see that.
51:06
51:13
O,
51:13
51:15
>> what's with all this sand?
51:16
51:17
>> Oh, yeah. Bob said there might be flood
51:18
51:20
damage.
51:20
51:20
>> Either that or he has a really big cat.
51:20
51:28
>> Well, is everybody else having just the
51:28
51:30
best time?
51:30
51:33
Sh.
51:33
51:33
>> Joey's asleep.
51:33
51:37
After
51:37
51:45
he passed out, we put the sand around
51:45
51:47
him to keep him warm.
51:47
51:51
>> Well, I assume the uh happy couple isn't
51:51
51:54
up yet. Did you guys hear them last
51:54
51:56
night?
51:56
51:56
>> Oh, yeah. I don't know what they were
51:56
51:58
doing, but at one point, sea turtles
51:58
52:00
actually came up to the house.
52:00
52:04
>> Good morning.
52:04
52:05
>> Hey.
52:05
52:05
>> Hey. How'd everybody sleep?
52:06
52:07
>> Oh, great.
52:07
52:08
>> Like a lo.
52:08
52:09
>> Us, too.
52:09
52:12
>> We're going for a walk.
52:12
52:19
>> Good morning. Nice breath, by the way.
52:19
52:23
[laughter]
52:23
52:27
>> Hey, buddy.
52:28
52:28
>> So, I just talked to one of the duel
52:28
52:30
writers today. And
52:30
52:31
>> what is duel?
52:31
52:32
>> Days of our lives.
52:32
52:35
Anyway, you're not going to believe it.
52:35
52:37
My character is coming out of his coma.
52:37
52:41
>> And and and not only that, I'm getting a
52:41
52:43
new brain.
52:43
52:45
[laughter]
52:45
52:46
>> So, great things are happening at work
52:46
52:48
and in your personal life.
52:48
52:51
>> Wait, what do you mean you're getting a
52:51
52:52
new brain?
52:52
52:53
>> Oh, well, they're killing off one of the
52:53
52:54
characters on the show, and when she
52:54
52:55
dies, her brain is being transplanted
52:56
52:58
into my body.
52:58
53:00
[laughter]
53:00
53:01
>> What? A brain transplant? It's
53:01
53:05
ridiculous.
53:05
53:06
>> Well, I think it's ridiculous that you
53:06
53:07
haven't had sex in three and a half
53:07
53:08
months.
53:08
53:14
>> It's winter. There are fewer people on
53:14
53:16
the street. [laughter]
53:16
53:20
>> Who are they killing off?
53:20
53:21
>> Uh Cecilia Monroe. She plays Jessica
53:21
53:23
Lockheart.
53:23
53:24
>> No.
53:24
53:26
>> She is so good at throwing drinks in
53:26
53:29
people's faces. I mean, I don't think
53:29
53:30
I've ever seen her finish a beverage.
53:30
53:32
And the way she slaps people all the
53:32
53:34
time. Wouldn't you love to do that just
53:34
53:35
once?
53:35
53:35
>> Oh, dude. [laughter]
53:36
53:38
>> And she's been on the show forever. It's
53:38
53:40
going to be really hard to fill her
53:40
53:41
shoes.
53:41
53:42
>> Yeah. Yeah. Help me out here. When you
53:42
53:44
when you come out of the brain
53:44
53:47
transplant,
53:47
53:49
you are going to be her?
53:49
53:52
>> Yes, but in Drake Remor's body.
53:52
53:55
[laughter]
53:55
53:58
>> Why is this so hard for you to get? I
53:58
53:59
thought you were a scientist. I'm very
53:59
54:00
glad that you saved Ross and the car
54:00
54:02
backfired, but it could have been a
54:02
54:03
bullet and you you know, you didn't try
54:03
54:05
to save me.
54:05
54:07
[groaning]
54:07
54:07
>> Oh, you're upset because you think I
54:07
54:10
chose Ross over you. No, I knew you
54:10
54:14
could take care of yourself. You know, I
54:14
54:17
mean, Ross, he needs help. He's not
54:17
54:19
street like us.
54:19
54:21
>> What it comes down to is you would risk
54:21
54:22
your life for Ross before you would for
54:22
54:24
me. That's the bottom line,
54:24
54:27
wouldn't it? No, not exactly. All right,
54:27
54:30
look. I I wasn't trying to save Ross,
54:30
54:35
okay?
54:35
54:37
My sandwich was next to Ross. [laughter]
54:37
54:42
All right.
54:42
54:45
I I was trying to save my sandwich
54:45
54:49
from a bullet.
54:49
54:52
I know it doesn't make much sense.
54:52
54:54
>> Much sense.
54:54
54:56
>> Chandler, it was instinct. Okay. I just
54:56
54:58
went for it. So, you risked your life
54:58
55:00
for a sandwich. I know it sounds crazy,
55:00
55:03
but Chandler, this is the greatest
55:03
55:06
sandwich in the world. [laughter]
55:06
55:10
>> So, you didn't uh choose Ross before me.
55:10
55:14
>> No, I would never do that. You You're
55:14
55:17
like my brother.
55:17
55:19
>> Really?
55:19
55:20
>> Yeah. In fact, to prove how much you
55:20
55:24
mean to me
55:24
55:31
here.
55:31
55:32
>> Thanks. Oh. Oh, easy. It's not a hot
55:32
55:35
dog.
55:35
55:37
[laughter]
55:37
55:41
How good is that?
55:42
55:43
>> Oh,
55:44
55:46
see.
55:46
55:47
>> Mhm.
55:47
55:47
>> Hey, dude. What are you doing?
55:48
55:50
I thought you were showing me how much I
55:50
55:52
mean to you. Yeah. With a bite.
55:52
55:54
[laughter]
55:54
55:55
>> Jeez.
55:55
55:56
>> Did I miss it? Did I miss it?
55:56
55:58
>> No. No. I'm on right after this guy
55:58
55:59
shoots himself.
55:59
56:01
>> Whoa. She's pretty.
56:01
56:03
>> Yeah. Oh, and she's really nice, too.
56:03
56:05
She taught me all about, you know, how
56:06
56:07
to work with the cameras and smell the
56:07
56:09
fart acting.
56:09
56:13
>> I'm sorry. What?
56:14
56:16
It's like you got so many lines to learn
56:16
56:19
so fast that sometimes you need a minute
56:19
56:21
to remember your next one. So while
56:22
56:23
you're thinking of it, you take this big
56:23
56:26
pause where you look all intense, you
56:26
56:28
know, like this.
56:28
56:34
>> Okay.
56:34
56:36
>> Oh, here's my scene. Here's my scene.
56:36
56:41
>> Mrs. Wallace.
56:41
56:42
>> Yes.
56:42
56:43
>> I'm Dr. Dr. Drake Remor, your sister's
56:43
56:45
neurosurgeon.
56:45
56:46
>> Yeah.
56:46
56:46
>> Tell me, is she going to be all right?
56:46
56:48
>> I'm afraid the situation is much more
56:48
56:50
dire than we'd expected.
56:50
56:52
Your sister is suffering from a
56:52
57:00
a subcranial hematoma.
57:00
57:04
Perhaps we can discuss this further over
57:04
57:07
coffee.
57:07
57:10
[laughter]
57:10
57:13
Oh, nice.
57:13
57:15
>> Yeah, thankfully.
57:15
57:17
>> You know, for a minute there, I thought
57:17
57:18
you were actually trying to smell
57:18
57:19
something.
57:19
57:21
[laughter]
57:21
57:21
>> Oh, yay. Look, there's a piece that
57:21
57:23
doesn't have floor on it.
57:23
57:25
>> Stick to your side.
57:25
57:26
>> Come on now.
57:26
57:30
[laughter]
57:30
57:39
>> All right. What are we having?
57:39
57:44
>> [music]
57:44
Lyrics & Translation
[English]
Nice car.
...
>> Yeah, it's uh it's not mine.
...
>> I love your car.
...
>> Yeah, it's mine.
...
[laughter]
...
>> I bet it's fast.
...
>> Me, too. Yeah.
...
And comfortable. Do you uh you like
...
leather seats?
...
>> Yeah.
...
>> It's got them.
...
Yeah, she tops out at 130.
...
>> Wow. And that's just in the city. I get
...
her up to 160 when I take her upstate.
...
>> Really?
...
>> You got a place up state?
...
>> Sure.
...
>> Well, uh, I'll see you later. Okay, take
...
it easy.
...
>> Hey,
...
that's my car.
...
>> Really? Oh. Uh, but just give me five
...
more minutes with it.
...
What? What are you doing? Oh, well, I uh
...
I found the keys and now I'm just
...
polishing her up.
...
>> But it's my car.
...
>> Yeah, but it's my wax.
...
>> Listen, I don't come to this city much
...
and I don't know if you're crazy or if
...
this is some kind of street theater, but
...
could I have my keys?
...
>> Sure. Here.
...
>> I'll uh I'll save your parking spot.
...
>> Not coming back.
...
>> Why not?
...
>> I live upstate.
...
>> Yeah, so did I. [laughter]
...
So, the Porsche guy took his car back.
...
[laughter]
...
>> But you found the keys to his clothes.
...
[laughter]
...
>> No, I just uh I just love the way it
...
feels when everybody thinks I own a
...
Porsche.
...
>> And people would think you own a Porsche
...
because you're wearing the clothes.
...
>> Of course, [laughter] only an idiot
...
would wear this stuff if you didn't have
...
the car, right?
...
>> [laughter]
...
>> That is true.
...
>> Yeah, but only a genius would swallow a
...
sonic blaster gun.
...
>> Oh, I've been there.
...
>> I am going to go drive my Porsche.
...
>> Joey, you know you don't actually have
...
one.
...
>> Come on. What are you doing? I'm in
...
character. Will you talk to her?
...
>> Hey, hey, hey, careful around my porch.
...
Hi, Joey.
...
>> Hey, how you doing?
...
>> He has the most amazing Porsche under
...
there.
...
>> I'd love to show you, but I just tucked
...
her in. She's sleeping. [laughter]
...
>> Hey, uh, would you two girls like to go
...
for a drink?
...
>> We should all get dressed up and go to
...
have champagne at the plaza.
...
>> Oh, okay.
...
>> But I I I can't stay too long. I got to
...
get up early for a commercial audition
...
tomorrow and I got to look good.
...
Supposed to be playing a 19-year-old.
...
[laughter]
...
>> What? So, when you said get up early,
...
did you mean 1986?
...
[laughter]
...
>> You guys don't think I look 19?
...
>> Oh, 19. We thought you said 90.
...
>> Okay, everybody, let's go. Let's go.
...
>> Okay.
...
Oh my god.
...
[laughter]
...
[laughter]
...
>> Sup.
...
[laughter]
...
Sup, dude.
...
Take whatever you want. Just please
...
don't hurt me.
...
>> It's like playing a little PlayStation,
...
huh?
...
That's whack. [laughter]
...
PlayStation is whack. [laughter]
...
Sup with the whack. PlayStation sump.
...
[laughter]
...
Huh?
...
Come on. Am I 19 or what?
...
>> Yes. On a scale from 1 to 10, 10 being
...
the dumbest a person can look, you are
...
definitely 19. [laughter]
...
>> Come on, man. Really? How old?
...
>> Young. You're a manchild. Okay, now go
...
get changed because everybody's ready.
...
And please Oh, please keep my underwear.
...
[laughter]
...
>> Oh, thanks.
...
>> Okay,
...
>> now I can pass for 19, right?
...
>> Yes, you can pass for 19.
...
>> Really?
...
>> Yes.
...
>> Seriously? Seriously? Seriously? No.
...
Okay. You can play your own age, which
...
is 31.
...
[laughter]
...
I'm 30.
...
>> Joey, you are not. You're 31.
...
>> Oh crap.
...
>> Where's Chandler?
...
>> Uh, he can't make it. He said he had to
...
go back to his uh job and do uh Uhoh.
...
[laughter]
...
>> Joey.
...
>> Joey Tribani.
...
Joey, I can see you. Okay. You're hiding
...
behind the coats.
...
[laughter]
...
>> Close one.
...
>> Hey.
...
>> Hey. Hey.
...
>> Is uh is Chandler around?
...
>> Nope. Um he met some girl at the coffee
...
house.
...
>> Yeah.
...
>> Ginger something. No,
...
[laughter]
...
no, no. Uh, are you sure it wasn't
...
something that sounded like Ginger? Like
...
uh Ginger?
...
>> No, it was Ginger. I remember because
...
when he told me I said the movie star.
...
>> Oh man, that's the girl I was hiding
...
from. When she finds out he's my
...
roommate, she's going to tell him what I
...
did.
...
>> Well, what did you do?
...
>> Oh. Oh. Oh, no. No. I can't
...
I can't tell you that. Yeah, it's like
...
the most awful, horrible thing I've ever
...
done in my whole life.
...
>> You know what? Don't tell us. We'll just
...
wait till Junior gets home because it'll
...
be more fun that way.
...
>> All right.
...
Okay. It was like four years ago. Okay.
...
Ginger and I had gone out a few times.
...
And then this one weekend, we went up to
...
her dad's cabin. Just me, her, and her
...
annoying little dog, Pepper.
...
Well, that night, I cooked this really
...
romantic dinner.
...
>> You gave her food poisoning.
...
>> I wish.
...
[laughter]
...
After dinner, me, her, and Pepper all
...
fell asleep in front of the fire. Well,
...
I woke up in the middle of the night and
...
I saw that the fire was dying out. So, I
...
picked up a log and threw it on.
...
[laughter]
...
Or at least what I thought was a log.
...
>> Oh my god, you threw pepper on the fire.
...
[laughter]
...
>> I wish.
...
See, I guess another thing I probably
...
should have told you about Ginger is
...
that she kind of has a uh
...
artificial leg.
...
[laughter]
...
>> Oh my god.
...
Joey, what did you do after you threw
...
her leg on the fire?
...
>> I ran.
...
>> Go first.
...
>> Okay.
...
>> Okay. Okay. [applause]
...
Welcome to America.
...
>> All right.
...
>> Oh my gosh.
...
>> Two in a row. You got to use your
...
tongues now. [laughter]
...
>> What are the odds? What are the odds?
...
>> [applause]
...
>> Okay, that that's enough, you know. Let
...
let's let let someone else play.
...
[laughter]
...
>> If you didn't want to play, then why'd
...
you come to the party?
...
>> You got to pick a pocket
...
[music and singing] or two, boys.
...
You've got to pick a pocket for two.
...
>> Lovely. [laughter]
...
Just lovely.
...
>> Really? Thanks.
...
>> Listen, Joey, we definitely want to see
...
you for the call back on Saturday.
...
>> Excellent. [laughter]
...
>> I'll be there.
...
>> Okay. And listen, don't forget to bring
...
your jazz shoes for the dance audition.
...
>> Uhhuh. My uh my agent said that it
...
wasn't a dancing part.
...
>> Oh, Joey, all the roles got to dance a
...
little. But believe me, with your dance
...
background, it'll be a piece of cake.
...
Three years of modern dance with
...
Twilight Tharp.
...
[laughter]
...
>> Five years with the American Ballet
...
Theater.
...
[laughter]
...
>> Hey, everybody lies on their resume.
...
Okay. I wasn't one of the Zoom kids
...
either.
...
>> Well, can you like dance at all?
...
>> Yeah, I can dance, you know.
...
>> [cheering]
...
>> Oh, no. No, no, no. [laughter]
...
>> What? What is that?
...
>> Sure it looks stupid now. There's no
...
music playing.
...
[music]
...
[laughter]
...
>> Uh, Joey. Joey Tribani.
...
>> Listen, Joey. I got a problem. I just
...
got a call from my dance captain. He's
...
having a relationship crisis and can't
...
get out of Long Island.
...
>> So, does that mean the audition's off?
...
[laughter]
...
>> Listen, Joey. Seeing as you've got the
...
most experience,
...
>> I want you to take these dances and
...
teach them the combination.
...
[laughter]
...
>> Plus, oh, Joey, come on. It's easy. You
...
know, it's hand
...
head
...
up.
...
Big turn here. Ronda Jean
...
slide back step step and jazz hands.
...
>> It's a steppity step in jazz hands.
...
Have fun.
...
Bye.
...
All right, let's do it.
...
>> [cheering and applause]
...
>> No, no, no.
...
What was that? I know. It's the best I
...
could get out of him.
...
Well, people, people, people, people,
...
let's try it again. And this time, let's
...
everybody watch Joey. [laughter]
...
Show them how it's done.
...
[laughter]
...
>> Count it all back.
...
>> 85.
...
>> What do you mean? Yesterday you said I
...
was too pretty to pay for stuff.
...
>> It's just I can't because my manager
...
said that I
...
Happy birthday to you.
...
Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday,
...
dear Annie.
...
>> Amy.
...
>> Amy.
...
>> Happy birthday to you. Hey. Hey. That's
...
weird. Today's my birthday, too.
...
>> Yeah. Not in here. It is.
...
[cheering]
...
>> Happy birthday to you.
...
>> You're paying for that.
...
>> No. No. No. It's her birthday.
...
>> You've sung happy birthday to 20
...
different women today.
...
But it really
...
>> We're no longer authorized to distribute
...
birthday muffins.
...
[laughter]
...
>> Damn it.
...
>> We're going to take clunkers to Ross's.
...
We'll be back in a minute. Oh, wait.
...
Before you guys go, can I just ask you a
...
question?
...
>> Yeah.
...
>> Um, when a guy breaks up with his
...
girlfriend, what is an appropriate
...
amount of time to wait before you make a
...
move?
...
>> Oh, I'd say about a month.
...
>> Really? I'd say three to four.
...
>> Half hour.
...
[laughter]
...
Interesting.
...
>> When it's your assistant, I would say
...
never.
...
>> All right, Ra. The big question is, does
...
he like you? Right? Because if he
...
doesn't like you, this is all a moo
...
point.
...
[laughter]
...
>> Huh? A moo point?
...
>> Yeah. It's like a cow's opinion.
...
It just doesn't matter.
...
[laughter]
...
It's Moo.
...
[laughter]
...
>> Have I been living with him for too long
...
or did that all just make sense?
...
[laughter]
...
>> Please don't listen to Joey. Okay. Would
...
you look at him? I He's He's obviously
...
depressed. He's away from his family.
...
He's spending Thanksgiving with
...
strangers. What he needs right now is
...
for you to be his friend.
...
>> Oh, you're right. I'm sorry. Thank you.
...
Okay, that's what I'm going to do.
...
>> Fine. take their advice.
...
No one ever listens to me when the
...
package is this pretty. No one cares
...
what's inside.
...
>> Oh, I guess um good night.
...
>> Well, unless you uh unless you want to
...
hang around.
...
>> Yeah.
...
>> Yeah. I'll let you play with my duck.
...
[clears throat]
...
[music]
...
Hey,
...
stripper.
...
[laughter]
...
[music]
...
>> The stripper stole the ring. The
...
stripper stole the ring. Taylor, get up.
...
Get up. The stripper stole the ring.
...
>> What? The ring is gone.
...
Okay, just like give me a a minute to
...
wake up for this.
...
You lost the ring. You're the worst best
...
man ever.
...
>> Dude, this isn't funny. What am I going
...
to do? I go to sleep last night,
...
everything's cool. I wake up this
...
morning, the stripper's gone, and the
...
ring is gone.
...
>> You slept with the stripper?
...
>> Of course.
...
>> The airport, huh? You know that's over
...
30 miles. That's going to cost you about
...
so bucks. Excuse me. That's $50 bucks.
...
>> What?
...
>> $50.
...
>> Oh, you know what it is? It's smudgy cuz
...
they're fax pages. Now, when I was on
...
Days of Our Lives as Dr. Drake Remor,
...
they'd send over the whole script on
...
real paper and everything.
...
>> That's great. And and and just so you
...
know, if you wanted to expand this
...
scene, like like have the cab crash or
...
something, I could attend to the victims
...
cuz I have a background in medical
...
acting.
...
>> Okay, listen. Thanks for coming in.
...
>> No, no. Uh don't thank me for coming in.
...
Uh at least let me finish.
...
>> Uh we could take the expressway, but uh
...
this time of day you're better off
...
taking the budge.
...
You were going for the word bridge
...
there, weren't you?
...
>> I'll have a good day.
...
[laughter]
...
[laughter]
...
Very funny, Ross. Very lifelike and
...
funny. Okay. [laughter]
...
Oh, no, no, no, no. I I wasn't waving at
...
you, lady.
...
Whoa. Maybe I was.
...
>> Hey, Monica. This totally hot girl in
...
Ross' building is flirting with me.
...
>> Get in there, man. Flirt back. Mix it
...
up.
...
>> Yeah, I'm down with that.
...
[laughter]
...
>> Okay, here goes.
...
How
...
you
...
are doing?
...
[laughter]
...
It worked. She's waving me over. Okay,
...
I'll be right over. Let's see. She's on
...
the third floor.
...
>> Wow. She is pretty, huh?
...
>> Tell me about it. Huh?
...
Oh, no. No, no, no, no. I'm not with
...
her. No, that that's just Monica.
...
Joey Peponyi.
...
>> Oh, still too ethnic. My agent thinks I
...
should have a name that's more neutral.
...
Joey Switzerland.
...
Plus, you know, I think it should be
...
Joe. You know, Joey makes me sound like
...
um I don't know this big, which I'm not.
...
Joe
...
Stalin [snorts]
...
Stalin [laughter]
...
Stalin. Do I know that name? That sounds
...
familiar. Well, it does not ring a bell
...
with me.
...
Joe Stalin, [laughter]
...
you know, that's pretty good.
...
You might want to try Joseph.
...
>> Joseph Stalin.
...
>> I think you'd remember that.
...
>> Oh, yes. [laughter]
...
Bye-bye birdie starring Joseph Stalin.
...
Joseph Stalin is the fiddler on the
...
roof.
...
You know there already is a Joseph
...
Stalin. [laughter]
...
>> You're kidding.
...
>> Apparently he was this Russian dictator
...
who slaughtered all these people.
...
You'd think you would have known that.
...
You know, you'd think I would have.
...
>> Hey guys. Hey sweetie.
...
>> Ready to go?
...
>> Yeah, sure. Oh, I left my purse up at
...
Monica's. I'll be right back.
...
>> Wait a minute. Fun. Oh.
...
Whoa, that one kept going.
...
>> Wow. You and Phoebe, huh? How long you
...
been going out?
...
>> Over a month.
...
>> Wow. Maybe uh maybe you and I ought to
...
get to know each other a little better.
...
>> Sure, I'd like that.
...
>> Yeah. So, uh
...
what's your name?
...
It's Jake.
...
>> Joey.
...
>> Hey, Jake. Uh, do you like the Knicks?
...
>> Yeah, big fan.
...
>> Me, too. There's a game on Tuesday. You
...
want to go?
...
>> Yeah, that'd be great. Let me make sure
...
I'm not doing anything Tuesday
...
[laughter]
...
[music]
...
>> listen. You know how uh when you're
...
wearing pants and you lean forward, I
...
check out your underwear?
...
>> Yeah.
...
[laughter]
...
When Jake did it, I saw that he was
...
wearing women's underwear.
...
>> I know. They were mine.
...
>> Oh, [laughter]
...
no. No. Wait. That's weird.
...
>> No, it's not. We were just goofing
...
around and I dared him to try them on.
...
>> That's weird.
...
>> I'm wearing his briefs right now.
...
>> That's kind of hot.
...
>> I think so, too. And that little flap,
...
it's great for holding my lipstick.
...
>> [laughter]
...
>> Yeah, I wouldn't know about that.
...
>> And you know Jake says that women's
...
underwear is actually more comfortable
...
and he loves the way the silk feels
...
against his skin.
...
>> Yeah. Well, next thing you know, he'd be
...
telling you that your high heels are
...
good for his posture.
...
>> There is nothing wrong with Jake. Okay.
...
He is all man. I'm thinking even more
...
than you.
...
>> Oh yeah. He look like a real lumberjack
...
in those pink laces.
...
I'm just saying that only a man
...
completely secure with his masculinity
...
could walk around in women's underwear.
...
I don't think you could ever do that.
...
>> Hey, I am secure with my masculinity.
...
>> Okay, whatever.
...
>> You've seen my huge stack of porn,
...
right?
...
[music]
...
[laughter]
...
Yeah.
...
[laughter]
...
[laughter]
...
>> Hey, Feebs.
...
>> Hey,
...
Check it out.
...
>> Huh? [cheering]
...
>> How much of a man am I?
...
>> Wow. Nice. Manly and also kind of a
...
[laughter]
...
>> You know, I'm beginning to see what Jake
...
was talking about.
...
>> The silk feels really good.
...
>> Yeah. And and things aren't as smashed
...
down as I thought they were going to be.
...
It's great, Joe.
...
>> Yeah. And you have so many more choices
...
than you do with men's underwear.
...
Bikini, French cut, thong, and and the
...
fabrics. You got cotton, silk, lace, and
...
you know what? I've always wondered
...
about panty hoes.
...
You know, the way they start at your toe
...
and then they go all the way up to
...
[laughter]
...
>> I should go take these off, shouldn't I?
...
>> I think it's important that you do
...
>> feel better.
...
>> Yeah. much.
...
Listen, uh not that I'm insecure about
...
my manhood or anything, you know, but uh
...
I think I need to hook up with a woman
...
like right now.
...
>> Yeah, I understand.
...
>> Yeah. Okay.
...
>> Hey. Hi.
...
>> Hi.
...
>> You know, you look familiar. Do I know
...
you from somewhere?
...
>> I don't think so.
...
>> Maybe it's because I'm on television.
...
>> [laughter]
...
>> I'm an actor on Days of Our Lives.
...
>> Wow.
...
>> Really?
...
>> Mhm.
...
>> 450, please.
...
>> Oh, let me get this.
...
[laughter]
...
>> These are for you.
...
>> Hi, guys.
...
>> Hey.
...
>> Oh, what's in the bag?
...
>> Oh. Uh, well, you know how Emma started
...
crawling? I realized that this place is
...
very unsafe for a baby. So, I went to
...
the store and I got some stuff to baby
...
proof the apartment.
...
>> Oh god. Baby proofing. Why is this such
...
a big deal now? You know, when I was a
...
kid, it was like, "Whoops, Joey fell
...
down the stairs." Or, uh, "Whoops, Joey
...
electrocuted himself again." [laughter]
...
>> Anyway, um, are you going to get a
...
handyman to install this stuff?
...
>> No, I was just going to do it myself.
...
>> Yeah.
...
>> [laughter]
...
>> You're going to do it?
...
>> Yeah. Why? You don't think a woman can
...
do this?
...
>> Well, women can't. You can't.
...
>> Monica, will you please tell Joey that
...
he is a pig?
...
>> You're a pig and you can't do this.
...
>> What?
...
>> What? Come on. I found the hardware
...
store all by myself.
...
>> The hardware store is right down the
...
street.
...
>> There is a hardware store right down the
...
street.
...
>> [music]
...
>> Hi. So, you gave in and decided to call
...
someone?
...
>> Yeah, I don't know who I was kidding. I
...
can barely use chopsticks.
...
>> You're all set.
...
>> Oh, thank you so much. Oh. Oh, wait. You
...
uh forgot your um your game.
...
>> Thank you.
...
[music]
...
>> [laughter]
...
>> Ra.
...
[snorts]
...
[laughter]
...
Rachel.
...
[laughter]
...
[laughter]
...
[laughter]
...
So, I can't do anything I like.
...
[laughter]
...
I did it. I did it. All right.
...
[laughter]
...
Better take all I can carry.
...
Who knows when I'll be able to get in
...
here again, huh?
...
>> All right. I took the quiz and it turns
...
out I do put career before men.
...
[laughter]
...
>> Get up.
...
>> What?
...
>> Near my seat.
...
>> How is this your seat?
...
>> Cuz I was sitting there.
...
>> But then you left.
...
>> Well, it's not like I went to Spain.
...
[laughter]
...
I went to the bathroom. You knew I was
...
coming back.
...
>> What's the big deal? Sit somewhere else.
...
The big deal is I was sitting there
...
last, so it's my seat.
...
>> Well, actually, the last place you were
...
sitting was in there. So,
...
>> you guys, you know what? You know what?
...
It doesn't matter because you both have
...
to go get dressed before the big vein in
...
my head pops. So,
...
>> all right, Ross. I just have to do one
...
thing really quickly. It's not a big
...
deal.
...
>> Get up.
...
>> All right, fine. You know what? We'll
...
both sit in the chair.
...
>> Fine with me.
...
>> [laughter]
...
>> I'm so comfortable.
...
>> Me, too. In fact, I think I might be a
...
little too comfortable.
...
>> All right.
...
>> Okay. Look, we have 19 minutes. Okay.
...
Chandler, I want you to go and change.
...
Okay? And then when you come back, Joey
...
will go change and he'll have vacated
...
the chair. Okay? Okay.
...
>> All right. Fine. I'm going. When I get
...
back, it's chair city and I'm the guy
...
who's sitting in a chair.
...
All right. You will notice that I am
...
fully dressed. I in turn have noticed
...
that you are not. So, in the words of a
...
mil, get out of my chair. Dealhole.
...
>> Okay.
...
>> [applause and cheering]
...
>> What are you doing? Well, you said I had
...
to give you the chair. You didn't see
...
anything about the cushions.
...
>> The cushions are the essence of the
...
chair.
...
>> That's right. I'm taking the essence.
...
[laughter]
...
He'll be back. Oh, there's nobody in the
...
room.
...
Where's my underwear? Whoa, whoa, whoa,
...
whoa. Come on. Come on. What? You took
...
his underwear?
...
>> He took my essence.
...
>> Okay. Yeah, hold on,
...
>> Joey. Why Why can't you just wear the
...
underwear you're wearing now?
...
>> Cuz I'm not wearing any underwear now.
...
[laughter]
...
>> Okay. Um, then why do you have to wear
...
underwear tonight?
...
>> It's a rented tux. Okay. Not going to go
...
commando in another man's fatigue.
...
>> Well, then it looks like somebody's
...
going to have to give somebody back his
...
cushions.
...
>> Okay, you hide my clothes. I'm going to
...
do the exact opposite to you.
...
What are you What are you going to show
...
me? My clothes. Hey, opposite
...
is opposite.
...
>> He's got nothing.
...
[cheering]
...
Okay, buddy. Boy, here it is.
...
You hide my clothes, I'm wearing
...
everything you own.
...
Oh my god.
...
>> [laughter]
...
>> That is so not the opposite of taking
...
somebody's underwear.
...
Look at me. I'm Chandler. Could I be
...
wearing any more clothes?
...
Maybe if I wasn't going commando.
...
Yeah,
...
I'll tell you, it's hot with all this
...
stuff on. I uh I better not do any I
...
don't know, lunges.
...
>> Okay. Okay. Enough. But not for the
...
Monday. No, I'm sick of this. Okay, I've
...
had it up to here with you two. Neither
...
of you can come to the party.
...
>> Jeez, what a baby.
...
>> Presenting the award for favorite
...
returning male character is Mackenzie.
...
>> This is it. This is this is my category.
...
>> Oh my god. Do you have speech?
...
>> Yeah. Got my speech.
...
>> Did you got your gracious face?
...
>> Yep.
...
>> Now, Charlie, remember if you win, you
...
have to hug me. You hug me.
...
>> Okay.
...
>> Can I squeeze your ass [laughter]
...
>> on TV? proven that this is not always in
...
the category of favorite returning male
...
character. The nominees are John Wheeler
...
from General Hospital, [applause]
...
Gavin Graham from The Young and the
...
Restless,
...
Duncan Harrington from Passions,
...
[applause] and Joey Tribani from Days of
...
Our Lives.
...
And the Sophie goes to
...
Gavin Graham from The Young and the
...
Restless. [applause]
...
[music]
...
[music]
...
>> Pass the cheese, please.
...
>> My god, you can't even look at me, can
...
you?
...
>> Nope.
...
>> Hey, it's Phoebe. We can talk to BB.
...
[laughter]
...
>> No, I'm I'm too depressed to talk.
...
>> I'll give you $1,000 to talk to us.
...
[laughter]
...
>> Hey, you guys. What do you What do you
...
think about making that beach trip an
...
annual thing?
...
>> No.
...
>> All right, that's it. You guys, what
...
happened out there?
...
>> What? We took a walk. Nothing happened.
...
I came back with nothing all over me.
...
>> Come on. What happened, Joey?
...
>> All right.
...
>> No. Joey, we swore we'd never tell.
...
>> They'll never understand. [laughter]
...
>> We have to say something. We have to get
...
it out. It's eating me alive.
...
>> Monica got stung by a jellyfish.
...
>> All right.
...
>> All right.
...
[laughter]
...
I got stung.
...
stung bad. [laughter]
...
I couldn't stand. I I couldn't walk.
...
>> We were two miles from the house.
...
[laughter]
...
>> We're scared and alone.
...
We didn't think we could make it.
...
[laughter]
...
>> I was in too much pain.
...
>> And I was tired from digging the huge
...
hole.
...
And then Joey remembered something.
...
>> I'd seen this thing on the Discovery
...
Channel.
...
>> Wait a minute. I saw that on the
...
Discovery Channel. Yeah. About jellyfish
...
and how if you
...
>> Ew,
...
you peed on yourself.
...
>> Ew.
...
>> You can't say that. You You don't know.
...
I thought I was going to pass out from
...
the pain. Anyway, I I tried but I I
...
couldn't been that way.
...
>> So,
...
[cheering]
...
that's right. I stepped up.
...
>> She's my friend and she needed help.
...
If I had to, I'd pee on any one of you.
...
[laughter]
...
>> [applause]
...
[cheering]
...
>> only uh I couldn't
...
[laughter]
...
I got to stage fright.
...
>> I wanted to help but there was just too
...
much pressure. So So I uh I turned to
...
Chandler.
...
>> Joy kept screaming at me, "Do it now. Do
...
it. Do it. Do it now."
...
>> [laughter]
...
>> Sometimes late at night I can still hear
...
the screaming. [laughter]
...
>> That's cuz sometimes I just do it
...
through my wall to freak you out.
...
[music]
...
>> Die Hard. Still great.
...
>> Yeah.
...
>> Hey, what do you say we make it a double
...
feature?
...
>> What else do you rent?
...
>> Die Hard 2. [laughter]
...
>> Joey, this is Die Hard one again.
...
Oh, but we watched it a second time and
...
it's Die Hard, too.
...
>> Joey, we just saw it and
...
>> and it would be cool to see it again.
...
>> Yeah, Die Hard.
...
>> Dude, you didn't say Die Hard.
...
>> Is everything okay? [laughter]
...
>> Yeah, I just got I got plans.
...
>> Well, John Mlan had plans. [laughter]
...
No, you see the thing is I want to get
...
out of here before Joey gets all worked
...
up and starts calling everybody
...
>> What are you talking about,
...
[music]
...
[laughter]
...
>> [laughter]
...
>> What happened?
...
>> I don't know. [laughter] You fell
...
asleep. That is all.
...
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
...
>> All right. Well, uh, I better go.
...
>> Yeah, I think that would be best.
...
>> All right. I'll talk to you later.
...
>> Okay. But not about this.
...
>> No, never. [laughter]
...
>> Never.
...
>> So, uh, uh,
...
bye.
...
>> No touch. No. [laughter]
...
[music]
...
>> Hey,
...
>> just uh brought back your videos.
...
>> Uh hey, uh Ross, look. Uh I think we
...
need to talk about before.
...
>> No, no, we don't.
...
>> Yes, we do. Now, look, that was the best
...
nap I ever had.
...
I I don't know what you're talking
...
about.
...
>> Come on, admit it. That was the best nap
...
you ever had.
...
>> I've had better. [laughter]
...
>> Okay. When
...
All right. All right. It was the best
...
nap ever. I said it. Okay. But it's
...
over, Joey.
...
[laughter]
...
>> I want to do it again.
...
We can't do it again.
...
>> Why not?
...
>> Because it's weird.
...
[laughter]
...
>> Fine.
...
>> You want something to drink?
...
>> Sure. What do you got?
...
>> Warm milk and etan PM.
...
>> Boy, I'll tell you that judging stuff
...
took a lot out of me.
...
>> Yeah.
...
>> Yeah. think about maybe going upstairs
...
and taking a little nap on my couch.
...
[laughter]
...
>> Why Why would I care about that?
...
>> No reason. I'm just saying that uh
...
that's where I'll be.
...
[laughter]
...
>> [laughter]
...
[music]
...
[laughter]
...
>> Great nap.
...
>> It really was.
...
[clears throat]
...
>> [cheering]
...
[applause]
...
[laughter]
...
>> Dude, what the hell are you doing?
...
[laughter]
...
>> Excuse me.
...
I don't believe in these crazy diets,
...
you know, just everything in moderation.
...
>> Your muffins.
...
>> Uh,
...
>> I'll take those to go
...
>> for the kids. [laughter]
...
>> Oh, I know what I wanted to ask you. You
...
were on the show years ago and then they
...
killed you off. What happened there?
...
>> It's so stupid. I said some stuff in an
...
interview that I really shouldn't have
...
said, but believe me, that is not going
...
to happen today.
...
>> Understood.
...
>> So, what did you say back then?
...
>> I said that I
...
[laughter]
...
interviewing me for Soap Opera Digest.
...
Shel, these are my friends.
...
>> Hi, I'm gal pal Rachel Green. Um, and if
...
you want the dirt, I'm the one you come
...
to. This might be Joey's baby. Who
...
knows?
...
>> I'm just kidding. Seriously, gal pal
...
Rachel Green.
...
>> Who just lost the respect of her unborn
...
child.
...
>> Um, I'm going to just go get this warmed
...
up. Okay,
...
>> Joey, you're doing great.
...
>> Yeah, so far nothing stupid.
...
>> Mento. No thanks.
...
>> Hey Joe, what's up?
...
>> Bad news. I watched the tape and passed
...
along to my bosses and they weren't
...
interested.
...
>> Oh,
...
sorry, man.
...
But uh you watched the tape?
...
>> Yeah, I I I I liked it,
...
>> but uh my bosses didn't go for it.
...
Stupid sons of
...
[laughter]
...
You didn't watch the tape.
...
>> What? Of course I did.
...
>> Look, it's one thing not to cast me, but
...
to lie to me.
...
>> I'm not lying to you. I watched it.
...
>> No, you lied again.
...
>> I watched it.
...
>> Keep going, Pinocchio.
...
[laughter]
...
>> I did.
...
>> No, you didn't.
...
>> I'm telling you, I watched the tape.
...
>> Did you watch the tape?
...
>> No.
...
Can't believe Joey, [music]
...
I hate being called a liar.
...
>> But you are a liar.
...
>> What did I just say? [laughter]
...
>> You still here?
...
>> Yes. And I have to say I am not just
...
hurt. I am insulted when I tell somebody
...
I did something.
...
>> Okay. All right. Let me just stop you
...
right there. Okay. First you lied,
...
right? Then you lied about lying. Okay.
...
Then you lied about lying about lying.
...
Okay. So before you lie about lying
...
about lying about lying about lying,
...
[laughter]
...
stop lying.
...
Why are you so sure I didn't watch this
...
tape? You want to know why? You want to
...
know why?
...
>> Well, this is going well.
...
>> Here's how I know you didn't watch the
...
tape. Okay. If you had seen what was on
...
this tape, believe me, you would have
...
some comments. All right. Now remember,
...
I got paid a lot of money for this and
...
it only aired in Japan.
...
>> Ichiban
...
[music]
...
Ichiban lipstick for men.
...
Ichiban lipstick for men. Sai.
...
[laughter]
...
>> And that's how I know you didn't watch
...
the tape.
...
>> He really is a chameleon.
...
>> Hello.
...
>> Hello.
...
>> Baby,
...
>> Joey. What's going on?
...
>> What?
...
Oh my god.
...
>> I know it's stuck.
...
>> Dad, how did it get on?
...
>> I put it on to scare Chandler.
...
>> Oh my god. Monica's going to totally
...
freak out.
...
>> Well, then help me get it off. Plus,
...
well, it smells really bad in here.
...
>> Of course it smells really bad. You have
...
your head up a dead animal.
...
>> [laughter]
...
>> Hey.
...
>> Hey. Did you get the turkey, baby? Oh my
...
god. Oh my god.
...
>> Who is that?
...
>> It's Joey. [laughter]
...
>> What? What are you doing? And is this
...
supposed to be funny?
...
>> No, it's not supposed to be funny. It's
...
supposed to be scary. [laughter]
...
>> Get her off now.
...
>> I can't. It's stuck.
...
>> I don't care that. That turkey has to
...
feed 20 people at my parents house and
...
they're not going to eat it off your
...
head. [laughter]
...
>> Hold on. Okay, let's just I'll think.
...
[laughter]
...
>> Okay, I got it. Phoebe. All right, you
...
pull. I'm going to spread the legs as
...
wide as I can.
...
>> Joey, now is not the time.
...
>> Sorry, guys.
...
>> Okay, count to three. One, two, three.
...
[screaming]
...
[laughter]
...
>> It worked. I scared you. I knew it.
...
[laughter]
...
>> I'm over here, big guy.
...
>> Yeah, you are.
...
>> Hey, Ra. How you doing with the shining?
...
>> Oh, Danny just went into room 217.
...
>> Ooh, the next part's the best. When that
...
dead lady in the bathtub.
...
>> Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Come
...
on. You're going to ruin it.
...
>> All right, I'll talk in code. Remember
...
when the kid sees those two blanks in
...
the hallway?
...
>> That's very cool.
...
>> All blank and no blank makes blank a
...
blank blank.
...
[laughter]
...
>> Oh, no. No, no. The end when Jack almost
...
kills them all with that blank, but then
...
in the last second they get away.
...
[laughter]
...
>> Joey, I can't believe you just did that.
...
>> I can't believe she cracked your code.
...
All right. Okay. Lori proposes to Joe
...
and she says no even though she's still
...
in love with him. And then he ends up
...
marrying Amy.
...
>> Hey, mine was by accident.
...
All right. The boiler explodes and
...
destroys the hotel and kills the dad.
...
>> Beth dies.
...
>> [cheering]
...
>> Beth.
...
>> Beth dies.
...
>> Is that true? If I keep reading, is Beth
...
going to die?
...
>> No. Beth doesn't die. She doesn't die.
...
Does she, Rachel?
...
>> What?
...
>> Joey's asking if you've just ruined the
...
first book he's ever loved that didn't
...
star Jack Nicholson.
...
Big hug. One more. Big hug. Come on.
...
How are you? [laughter]
...
>> Uh, Dr. Green, where you going?
...
>> To get my coat.
...
>> All right. All right. I can get my own
...
coat.
...
>> Sorry, we're on a major fla high.
...
[laughter]
...
>> Oh, no. No. You're not supposed to be
...
here cuz it's the staging area. You
...
should, it's all wrong. You should
...
leave, you know. Just get out.
...
>> Or perhaps you'd like a creme de
...
[laughter]
...
have to be heading toward my chateau.
...
Thank you.
...
>> Oh, all right. Well, then I guess we're
...
going back into the hallway again.
...
>> Thanks for coming, Mrs. Green.
...
>> [cheering]
...
[applause]
...
>> Okay,
...
you [laughter] take care.
...
>> Oh, you kids.
...
[sighs]
...
Well, [laughter]
...
this is the best party I've been to in
...
years.
...
Thank you.
...
>> [clears throat]
...
>> Monica,
...
>> what time is it?
...
>> Uh, 9.
...
[laughter]
...
>> But it's dark out.
...
>> Um, well, that's because you always
...
sleep till noon, silly.
...
This is what nine looks like. [laughter]
...
>> I guess I'll get washed up then.
...
>> Watch that sunrise.
...
>> I'm really getting tired of sneaking
...
around all the time.
...
>> I know. Me, too. You know. Hey, you know
...
what? What if we went away for the whole
...
weekend? You know, we'd have no
...
interruptions and we could be naked the
...
entire time.
...
>> All weekend. That's a whole lot of
...
naked. [laughter]
...
>> Yeah. I could say that I have a
...
conference and you can say you have a
...
chef thing. Oh, I've always wanted to go
...
to this culinary fair that they have in
...
Jersey.
...
>> Okay. You know, you're not
...
ready.
...
>> Let's go.
...
>> Okay. Wait, what about Joey?
...
Damn Rolos.
...
Hey, you're back.
...
>> Hey, how was your conference?
...
>> It was terrible. I fought with my
...
colleagues, you know, the entire time.
...
Are you kidding with this?
...
>> Uh, so your weekend was a total bust.
...
>> Uh, no. I got to see Donald Trump
...
waiting for an elevator. [laughter]
...
[music]
...
Hey.
...
Hey, Mr. Bing. That uh hotel you stayed
...
at called
...
said someone left an eyelash curler in
...
your room.
...
>> Yes, that was mine. [laughter]
...
>> Cuz I figured you hooked up with some
...
girl and she left it there.
...
>> Yes, that would have made more sense.
...
[laughter]
...
You know, I I don't even feel like I
...
know you anymore, man. All right. Look,
...
I'm just going to ask you this one time.
...
All right, and whatever you say, I'll
...
believe you.
...
Were you or were you not on a gay
...
cruise? [laughter]
...
>> Hey. Hey.
...
>> Hey.
...
>> Oh, hey, Monica. I heard you saw Donald
...
Trump at your convention.
...
>> Yeah. So, I'm waiting for an elevator.
...
[laughter]
...
>> Hey, Ra. Can I borrow your eyelash
...
curler? I think I lost mine.
...
>> Yeah. So, [cheering]
...
Joey, can I talk to you for a second?
...
Yes.
...
Yes.
...
You and and you. [laughter]
...
>> Yes. But you cannot tell anyone. No one
...
knows.
...
>> How? When?
...
>> It happened in London.
...
>> In London?
...
>> The reason we didn't tell anyone was cuz
...
we didn't want to make a big deal out of
...
it.
...
>> But it is a big deal.
...
I have to tell someone.
...
>> You can't. [laughter]
...
>> Please. Please. We just don't want to
...
deal with telling everyone. Okay. Just
...
promise you won't tell.
...
>> All right.
...
Man, this is unbelievable.
...
I mean, it's great. But
...
>> I know it's great. [laughter]
...
>> Oh, I don't want to see that.
...
O,
...
>> what's with all this sand?
...
>> Oh, yeah. Bob said there might be flood
...
damage.
...
>> Either that or he has a really big cat.
...
>> Well, is everybody else having just the
...
best time?
...
Sh.
...
>> Joey's asleep.
...
After
...
he passed out, we put the sand around
...
him to keep him warm.
...
>> Well, I assume the uh happy couple isn't
...
up yet. Did you guys hear them last
...
night?
...
>> Oh, yeah. I don't know what they were
...
doing, but at one point, sea turtles
...
actually came up to the house.
...
>> Good morning.
...
>> Hey.
...
>> Hey. How'd everybody sleep?
...
>> Oh, great.
...
>> Like a lo.
...
>> Us, too.
...
>> We're going for a walk.
...
>> Good morning. Nice breath, by the way.
...
[laughter]
...
>> Hey, buddy.
...
>> So, I just talked to one of the duel
...
writers today. And
...
>> what is duel?
...
>> Days of our lives.
...
Anyway, you're not going to believe it.
...
My character is coming out of his coma.
...
>> And and and not only that, I'm getting a
...
new brain.
...
[laughter]
...
>> So, great things are happening at work
...
and in your personal life.
...
>> Wait, what do you mean you're getting a
...
new brain?
...
>> Oh, well, they're killing off one of the
...
characters on the show, and when she
...
dies, her brain is being transplanted
...
into my body.
...
[laughter]
...
>> What? A brain transplant? It's
...
ridiculous.
...
>> Well, I think it's ridiculous that you
...
haven't had sex in three and a half
...
months.
...
>> It's winter. There are fewer people on
...
the street. [laughter]
...
>> Who are they killing off?
...
>> Uh Cecilia Monroe. She plays Jessica
...
Lockheart.
...
>> No.
...
>> She is so good at throwing drinks in
...
people's faces. I mean, I don't think
...
I've ever seen her finish a beverage.
...
And the way she slaps people all the
...
time. Wouldn't you love to do that just
...
once?
...
>> Oh, dude. [laughter]
...
>> And she's been on the show forever. It's
...
going to be really hard to fill her
...
shoes.
...
>> Yeah. Yeah. Help me out here. When you
...
when you come out of the brain
...
transplant,
...
you are going to be her?
...
>> Yes, but in Drake Remor's body.
...
[laughter]
...
>> Why is this so hard for you to get? I
...
thought you were a scientist. I'm very
...
glad that you saved Ross and the car
...
backfired, but it could have been a
...
bullet and you you know, you didn't try
...
to save me.
...
[groaning]
...
>> Oh, you're upset because you think I
...
chose Ross over you. No, I knew you
...
could take care of yourself. You know, I
...
mean, Ross, he needs help. He's not
...
street like us.
...
>> What it comes down to is you would risk
...
your life for Ross before you would for
...
me. That's the bottom line,
...
wouldn't it? No, not exactly. All right,
...
look. I I wasn't trying to save Ross,
...
okay?
...
My sandwich was next to Ross. [laughter]
...
All right.
...
I I was trying to save my sandwich
...
from a bullet.
...
I know it doesn't make much sense.
...
>> Much sense.
...
>> Chandler, it was instinct. Okay. I just
...
went for it. So, you risked your life
...
for a sandwich. I know it sounds crazy,
...
but Chandler, this is the greatest
...
sandwich in the world. [laughter]
...
>> So, you didn't uh choose Ross before me.
...
>> No, I would never do that. You You're
...
like my brother.
...
>> Really?
...
>> Yeah. In fact, to prove how much you
...
mean to me
...
here.
...
>> Thanks. Oh. Oh, easy. It's not a hot
...
dog.
...
[laughter]
...
How good is that?
...
>> Oh,
...
see.
...
>> Mhm.
...
>> Hey, dude. What are you doing?
...
I thought you were showing me how much I
...
mean to you. Yeah. With a bite.
...
[laughter]
...
>> Jeez.
...
>> Did I miss it? Did I miss it?
...
>> No. No. I'm on right after this guy
...
shoots himself.
...
>> Whoa. She's pretty.
...
>> Yeah. Oh, and she's really nice, too.
...
She taught me all about, you know, how
...
to work with the cameras and smell the
...
fart acting.
...
>> I'm sorry. What?
...
It's like you got so many lines to learn
...
so fast that sometimes you need a minute
...
to remember your next one. So while
...
you're thinking of it, you take this big
...
pause where you look all intense, you
...
know, like this.
...
>> Okay.
...
>> Oh, here's my scene. Here's my scene.
...
>> Mrs. Wallace.
...
>> Yes.
...
>> I'm Dr. Dr. Drake Remor, your sister's
...
neurosurgeon.
...
>> Yeah.
...
>> Tell me, is she going to be all right?
...
>> I'm afraid the situation is much more
...
dire than we'd expected.
...
Your sister is suffering from a
...
a subcranial hematoma.
...
Perhaps we can discuss this further over
...
coffee.
...
[laughter]
...
Oh, nice.
...
>> Yeah, thankfully.
...
>> You know, for a minute there, I thought
...
you were actually trying to smell
...
something.
...
[laughter]
...
>> Oh, yay. Look, there's a piece that
...
doesn't have floor on it.
...
>> Stick to your side.
...
>> Come on now.
...
[laughter]
...
>> All right. What are we having?
...
>> [music]
Key Vocabulary
Start Practicing
| Vocabulary | Meanings |
|---|---|
|
comfortable /ˈkʌmfərtəbl/ B1 |
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comfortable /ˈkʌmfərtəbl/ B1 |
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|
comfortable /ˈkʌmfərtəbl/ B1 |
|
|
comfortable /ˈkʌmfərtəbl/ B1 |
|
|
comfortable /ˈkʌmfərtəbl/ B1 |
|
|
comfortable /ˈkʌmfərtəbl/ B1 |
|
|
comfortable /ˈkʌmfərtəbl/ B1 |
|
|
comfortable /ˈkʌmfərtəbl/ B1 |
|
|
comfortable /ˈkʌmfərtəbl/ B1 |
|
|
leather /ˈlɛðər/ A2 |
|
|
tops /tɒps/ A2 |
|
|
theater /ˈθiːətər/ B1 |
|
|
crazy /ˈkreɪzi/ A2 |
|
|
genius /ˈdʒiːniəs/ B2 |
|
|
character /ˈkærəktər/ B1 |
|
|
character /ˈkærəktər/ B1 |
|
Are there any new words in “” you don’t know yet?
💡 Hint: comfortable, leather… Jump into the app and start learning now!
Key Grammar Structures
-
I love your car.
➔ Simple present tense – subject + verb (present) + object, used for facts or habits.
➔ The verb "love" shows a present‑time feeling toward the car.
-
Yeah, it's not mine.
➔ Contraction "it's" = "it is"; negative statement with "not" placed after the verb.
➔ "it's" is the contracted form of "it is" and "not" makes the statement negative.
-
She tops out at 130.
➔ Phrasal verb "tops out at" meaning ‘reaches a maximum’; present simple.
➔ "tops out at" shows the highest speed she can reach.
-
I found the keys and now I'm just polishing her up.
➔ Past simple "found" + coordinating conjunction "and" + present continuous "I'm polishing"; contrast of past action and current ongoing action.
➔ "found" (past) tells what happened earlier; "I'm polishing" (present continuous) shows what is happening right now.
-
Could I have my keys?
➔ Modal verb "could" + subject + base verb for polite request; inversion (could I) forms a question.
➔ "Could" makes the question polite; the subject "I" comes before the verb "have" because of inversion.
-
On a scale from 1 to 10, 10 being the dumbest a person can look, you are definitely 19.
➔ Prepositional phrase "on a scale from 1 to 10"; participial clause "10 being..."; adverb "definitely" for emphasis.
➔ "definitely" emphasizes that the speaker is sure about the judgment.
-
If you had seen what was on this tape, you would have some comments.
➔ Third conditional: "if" + past perfect "had seen"; result clause with "would have" + noun phrase.
➔ "had seen" (past perfect) shows an unreal past condition; "would have" expresses the imagined result.
-
What is an appropriate amount of time to wait before you make a move?
➔ Indirect question beginning with "what is"; noun phrase "an appropriate amount of time"; infinitive phrase "to wait" as complement.
➔ "to wait" functions as the purpose of the "amount of time" being described.
-
I can't believe you didn't watch the tape.
➔ Modal verb "can't" + verb "believe" (present); negative past simple "didn't watch"; expression of surprise.
➔ "can't" expresses strong disbelief; "didn't watch" tells what actually did NOT happen.
-
We need to get up early for a commercial audition tomorrow.
➔ Modal "need to" + infinitive expresses necessity; future reference with "tomorrow"; infinitive phrase "for a commercial audition" as purpose.
➔ "need to" shows obligation; "tomorrow" places the action in the near future.
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