– English Lyrics

Lyrics & Translation

[English]

[Music]

You don't have to stop having fun just

because I'm here. Kathy didn't cheat on

all of you.

Well, except you.

[Laughter]

Hey, Joey. I don't think that you should

leave Chander alone. I mean, it's only

been two days since you broke up with

Kathy. Maybe you can go fishing next

week. Look, there's nothing I can do for

him right now. He's still in his

sweatpants. That's only phase one.

I'll be back for phase two. I would

never miss phase two. What's phase two?

Getting drunk and going to a strip club.

How does going to a strip club make him

better? There are naked ladies there.

Oh, and it helps him get to phase three,

picturing yourself with other women.

There are naked ladies there, too. Yeah.

Would you give me one minute, please?

Welcome everybody. Welcome to Amazing

Discovery.

Oh. Oh, I thought again. You guys can

please not watch this. Whatever.

Folks, this ever happened to you? You go

to the refrigerator, get a nice glass of

milk, but these darn cartons are so

flinging flanging hard to open. Well,

you said it, Mike. I don't

There's got to be a better way. And

there is. Kevin,

can we please turn this off? No way.

Kevin, what if I told you that there's a

revolutionary new product that

guarantees you'll never have to open up

milk cartons again. Meet the Milk Master

2000.

Are you intrigued? You're flinging.

Flinging right. I

am. It's his first time. He's never used

this product before. You're going to see

how easy this is to do. Go ahead. This

works in any milk carton. Wow, it is

easy. Now I can have milk every day.

10 blocks down, five to go. Oh, wait.

Stop. Stop. Stop. Oh, I'm sorry. Do you

need a break?

My boots in tan. Hey, can you get a

little closer so I can see the price? I

can see it from right here. It'll cost

you one husband.

Okay, I'm sorry. I think I I can walk

the rest of the way now. Just Just give

me my boots.

I don't have your boots. Well, I don't

have them either. Where are they? Well,

why don't you check in one of my saddle

bags while I chew on a bail of hay?

Okay, go. We got to go back and get

them. Honey, are you seriously ever

going to wear the boots again?

Okay, I'm never going to wear them

again. Just didn't get a chance to say

goodbye.

You know what? You can say goodbye to

the tan ones. Okay.

All right.

Okay.

Bye, Boots. Wait. Half off.

Hi.

[Applause]

How was the honeymoon? Oh, incredible.

Oh, champagne, candle at dinners,

moonlight walks on the beach. It was so

romantic. So, where's Mike? Oh, he's

with the doctor. He didn't poop the

whole time over there.

Well, anyway, I'm glad you're back. I

really need your help. Oh, why? What's

up? Well, I have an audition for this

play, and for some of it, I have to

speak French, which according to my

resume, I'm fluent in.

Joey, you shouldn't lie on your resume.

Yeah, you really shouldn't. By the way,

how was that year-long dig in Cairo?

It was okay.

I did not know you spoke French.

You're so sexy.

Well, so will you help me? I really want

to be in this play. Sure.

Seriously, stop it. I want to jump on

you.

Presenting the award for favorite

returning male character is Mackenzie.

This is it. This is this my category. Oh

my god. Do you have speech? Yep. Got my

speech. Did you got your gracious loser

face? Yep. I know. No, Charlie.

Remember, if you win, you have to hug

me. You hug me. Okay. They say, "Can I

squeeze your ass?"

On TV, proven that this is not always.

In the category of favorite returning

male character, the nominees are John

Wheeler from General Hospital,

Gavin Graham from The Young and the

Restless, Duncan Harrington from

Passions, and Joey Tribani from Days of

Our Lives.

And the Sophie goes

to Gavin Graham from The Young and the

[Applause]

[Applause]

Restless. I'd like to toast Ross and

Emily. Of course, my big toast will be

tomorrow at the wedding. So, this is

kind of my little toast or or Melba

toast, if you will.

Okay, I've known Ross for a long time.

In fact, I knew him when he was going

out with his first girlfriend, and I

thought things were really going to work

out for him until the day he

overinflated

her. Oh, dear

God. I'm sure we're all very excited uh

that Ross and Emily are getting married

at Montgomery Hall. I mean, to think my

friend getting married in Monty Hall.

Oh, come on. My money wall. Let's make a

deal. Come on, you people.

All right, forget it. Congratulations,

W. Hey, best man number two, Joey

Triani. Now, I'm not good with the jokes

like Chandler here, but I just want to

point out I never did anything to hurt

you in high school. That's not totally

true. What? What? Well, you you did

start that rumor about Ross making out

with Mrs. Altman, our 50year-old

librarian.

How did you know that?

It's true.

No.

Yes, it is. I saw you guys going at it

behind the card catalog.

I'm sorry. When you were in high school,

you made out with a 50-year-old woman.

Hey, she didn't look 50. Did she look

16?

Oh, there's a picture of her in the

yearbook, actually. Oh,

wow. She didn't photograph. Well,

well, she probably wasn't familiar with

the process, having spent most of her

life sitting for oil paintings.

So, how did this happen? Did she Did she

lure you to an early bird dinner?

Hey, pal.

Eddie, what are you still doing here?

Uh, just some basic dehydrating of a few

fruits and vegetables. Man, alive. This

thing's fantastic.

Look, Eddie, aren't you forgetting

anything? Oh, yeah. That's right. Look,

I got us a new goldfish. He's a lot

feistier than the last one. Yeah, maybe

because the last one was made by

Peppidge

Farm. Look, Eddie, isn't there something

else you're supposed to be doing right

now? Well, unless it's got something to

do with dehydrating, my man. Cuz right

now I'm a dehydrating maniac.

Look, you have to help me out here. I

thought we had a deal. I thought by the

time I got You know what that is?

Your last roommate's

kidney. That's a That's a

tomato. This one definitely goes in the

display.

You know, you called me that before. So,

I I took the liberty of fashioning a

star out of aluminum foil. Now, no

pressure. You like my cookies, you give

me the star.

Wow, a

star. I know you all hate me and and I'm

sorry, but I don't care.

Okay, Joey, you're up next.

Oh my god, this is amazing. You get an

A. I got an

A in school. Hey, I'm a dork.

Joey, I'm so proud of you. I think you

should give him your star. Excuse me.

He doesn't even know what he's doing.

We're all beginners here. Nobody knows

what they're doing. I do. I'm a

professional chef. Oh, relax. It's not a

courtroom drama.

If you're a professional chef, what are

you doing taking introduction to

cooking? Yeah.

Hi. I need those earrings you borrowed.

Oh. Um, okay. Yeah, I'll be I'll be

right back. Okay.

Wow. Fees, you speak Italian, I guess

so.

There you go. Thank you. Wait, Ra,

where's the other one? Oh, wait. You

want both of

them? Rachel Karen Green, where's the

other earring? Okay. Okay. Okay. Look,

just don't freak out, but I kind of lost

it. Oh, I know it's in the apartment,

but I definitely lost it. What am I

going to tell Monica? She wants to wear

them tonight. I don't know. Tell her to

wear her own earrings. These are her

earrings. No. No. You lent me Monica's

earrings. I'm not allowed to borrow her

stuff.

Why not? Because I lose her stuff.

Okay. Okay. Here's a good one of us.

Wow, that is a good one. Wow. It looks

like a like a holiday card, you know,

with the tree in the middle and the the

skaters and the snow. You know, every

year I say I'm going to send out holiday

cards and I never do it. Do you want to

do you want to send this one out

together?

Together? I like to to people.

Yeah. You know, happy holidays from Mona

and Ross. It'll be cute. Okay.

Okay.

Oh, I got to get to work, so call me

later. Oh, sure. Sure. Bye, guys. Bye.

Congratulations. You just got married.

No. Can you believe that? Wait, I'm I'm

sorry. What's the big deal about a

holiday card? Married couples send out

cards. Families send out cards. People

who have been dating for a couple of

months do not send out card. What? What?

Is she crazy? Hey, hey, hey. That's your

wife you're talking about.

Someone in there?

No, this is just part of a daredevil

game that I played called Wait until the

last moment before I burst and

die. Jeez, man. Did you fall

high? So, uh, did you did did you fall

high?

Someone was in the ladies room. I

couldn't wait. I left the lid up for

you, though.

You know what? Uh, got the Go. Uh, go

ahead. I'm I'm talking to

uh this is the part where you'd say your

name. Ginger. Ginger. I'm talking to

Ginger. So,

don't you have to use the bathroom?

Nope. Nope. I just uh I'd rather uh talk

to you.

Yes, I do.

Yes, I do have to go to the bathroom.

Someone in here.

Hello.

[Music]

Emma.

Hey.

Hi. How are you? How are you? Where are

your babysitters? Huh?

Why is the bedroom door closed?

You can't have sex when you're taking

care of a bie.

Well, that was weird. You were loud and

I was fast.

I think you may have really done it this

time. Oh, I wish I didn't have to wait

to take a pregnancy test.

May want to get some more of those, too.

Where's Emma? Oh my god. Where's Emma?

Where's Emma? Don't ask me. I was in

there canoodling you.

Hey. Hi. Sorry I'm late. Did I miss

anything? Oh, Joey stuffing 15 Oreos in

his mouth.

15? Your personal best.

So, where were you? Oh, on a date. Yeah.

I met this girl on the train going to a

museum upstate. Oh, yeah. How did you

meet? Museum.

No. Answer his.

Okay. It was just me and her at the back

of the train and I sat near the door so

she'd have to pass by me if she wanted

to like switch cars. She was totally at

my mercy. Were you so late because you

were burying this woman?

Well, I'm getting back now because she

lives in Pikipsy. She seems really

great, but she's like 2 and 1/2 hours

away. How can she be great if she's from

Pikipsy?

Okay, that joke would have killed in

Albany.

Done. I did it. Huh? Who's stupid now,

huh?

Hi, you guys. Hey. Hey. What's the

matter? Well, it's just it's one of

these situations that I just hate. You

know, a massage client gave me three

tickets to the helmet pelts exhibit at

the Morgan Chase Museum. Now you're

thinking you got to sleep with him.

No, no, it's just that he gave me three

tickets and there are six of us. I'll

give up my ticket. Me, too.

Okay, that's so generous. And I think

Ross is generous, too.

Great. Okay, then it's just us girls.

Great. Yeah.

So, what what is the exhibit? It's

mostly just photographs of um lesbian

love scenes interspersed with video

games and free sandwiches.

Oh man, what's

Hey, Ross. Listen, Chandler got you out

of going to the lesbian sandwich museum

this weekend.

Hey, Chad, look at the window. There's

my name. Hi, me.

I remember the day I got my first

paycheck. There was a cave-in in one of

the mines and eight people were killed.

Wow. You worked in a mine? I worked in a

Dairy Queen mine.

God, isn't this exciting? I earned this.

I wiped tables for it. I steamed milk

for it. And it was

totally not worth

it. Where's Fica? Why is he getting all

my money?

I mean, what, Chandler? Look at that.

Oh, this is not that bad. Oh, you're

fine. Yeah, for a first job. You can

totally totally live on this. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Hey, by the way, great service

today.

I'm here for Thanksgiving. I know it's

sick. Why is it sick? Because it's

Richard's son. It's like inviting a

Greek tragedy over for dinner.

Hey, come on, people. You understand,

don't you? Yeah, I could see where I'd

be your best shot, but no.

Sorry, honey. I think it's twisted.

Yeah. What's twisted? Me going out with

Richard's son.

Ew, ew, ew, ew.

Sounds like a really bad idea to me.

Is he okay in there? He's fine.

Hey, you know, man, if things work out

between you and Richard's son, you'll be

able to tell your kids that you slept

with her grandfather.

Fine. Judge all you want to, but married

a lesbian, left a man at the altar, fell

in love with a gay ice dancer, threw a

girl's wooden leg in the fire, live in a

box.

Boss, what are you talking? Oh my god,

they put my baby's face on a penis.

Now it's a party.

You guys, this isn't funny. All right,

if I wanted this cake to be a disaster,

I would have baked it myself.

Uh, is it okay that I still think it

looks delicious?

Look at this. I know what you're

thinking, Judy. The resemblance is

uncanny.

I am this close to tugging on my

testicles again.

No. No. This is not what I ordered.

Okay. I went all the way to New Jersey

so that I could have the perfect cake

for my daughter's birthday. And I need a

bunny cake right now. Ask him if it

would be faster if we cut the baby's

face off the penis so we could put it on

the bunny.

That is a weird

[Music]

sentence. Kathy. Kathy. Hi, Kathy.

Kathy.

[Music]

catch

it. Copy. Cabie.

[Music]

Hey, Chandler. What are you doing here?

I just want to say hey.

Hey.

Okay.

Hey, listen, man. About the stripper.

Yeah. Good call.

Okay. Little announcement. Little

announcement. I have decided that my

best man is my best friend, Gunther.

What's my last name?

Central Perk.

Thanks for not marrying Rachel.

Hey. Who? Hey, Gunther. Don't Don't

forget your shirt.

Hey. Hey. What are those? Got little

party favors. Check it out.

Wow.

Yeah. Oh.

A little announcement. Want everybody to

know the position of my best man is

still open and uh you know so is the

position of the bride.

Great.

Smooth, man. Yeah. You got some chili on

your neck.

Let's give Pete a chance. Come on. He

was funny. He seems really nice. And

that check thing was adorable. What

check thing? As a joke, this customer at

work who has a crush on me gave me a

$20,000 tip. His number's on the check.

He just did it so I'd call. Pete Becker.

Pete.

Is this him? That's Bill Clinton.

Who's he hugging?

Oh my god. That's Pete. Why is Bill

hugging Pete? This guy embedded Moss

865. Every office in the world uses that

program. We use it. There you go.

Oh my god. Monica's going to go out with

a millionaire. No, I'm not going to go

out with him. Oh my god. I can't believe

this is a real $20,000 Jericho. This is

just so exciting.

Or incredibly offensive. Well, yeah,

sure. That, too.

Oh, I'm sorry. Excuse me. We had this

cart. Yeah, well, I had a 24 in waist.

You lose things. Come on. Get out of my

way. I'm sorry. You know, maybe I wasn't

being clear. Uh, this was our car. Hey,

hey, hey. There weren't any clothes in

it. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Quit making up

rules. Let go. Come on. This my first.

All right. Listen, Minty. If you want

this cart, you're going to have to take

me with it.

[Laughter]

Did you see that? You were incredibly a

brand new woman, ladies and

gentlemen. You think I could not have

done this without you?

Okay. Um uh more clothes in the dryer, I

guess. I'm fine. Worst thing can happen

on anniversary ever. Oh, good. All

right. You decided to tell about the

Richard.

What? What Richard thinks? Oh no.

What Richard think? Simmons. Go with

Simmons.

[Music]

Okay. I um I ran into Richard yesterday

and he asked me if I wanted to go for a

bite and I did. And the only reason why

I didn't tell you is because I I knew

you'd get mad and I didn't want to spoil

our anniversary.

I'm not mad.

Really? Oh, yeah. Yeah. So, you you

bumped into Richard. You grabbed a bite.

No big deal.

Great.

Okay, London won. I did it. I finished

it. I did it all by myself. And there's

nobody to hug.

Hey. Hey, you guys. I finished the

crossroad all by myself. Hug me. Yay.

Congratulations. Thank you. Hey, how'd

the catering go? Oh, it was great. The

widow wouldn't pay, so Phoebe yelled at

her till she did. Yeah, I'm a hard ass

and I'm a wuss.

Yeah, we should be partners. Yeah, hard

ass and wuss. We could fight crime.

Wait a minute,

Phoebe. We should be partners. We should

be catering partners. I mean, think

about it. You're not working right now

and we have such a great time together.

Okay, I can cook and you can take care

of the money. Yeah. Oh, it'll be like I

have a wife in the 50s.

What? I just realized why I remember

this place. Really? What is it? Oh, it's

nothing. I went on a date with a guy who

lived in this building and it didn't end

very well.

That wouldn't by any chance be Joey

Tribani. Yes, of course it was.

Yeah. We had a really great night and in

the morning he promised he would call me

and he didn't. Rat bastard.

So, you're not friends with him? Oh,

god. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

Nope. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No.

No.

Well, I'm sorry I brought it up. So, are

either one of you planning on staying at

home with me?

Hello. Anybody in there? Order a

celebrity.

What was that? Oh, that's just some

crazy guy who roams the halls

here. He's great with kids, though. Oh

my god. Joey Trivani from Days of Our

Lives. just walked in here. Ra, he's a

friend of ours. You are friends with Dr.

Drake Remor?

It's kind of hard to be friends with

Drake because of his busy schedule and

the fact that he's not real.

Hey. Hey. Or I could bring my keyboard

here sometime. He's coming. He's coming

over, Joey. I know. Here. Here.

Oh, no. This is my friend Rachel. We

went to high school together.

I

I love you on that show. I watch you

every day. I mean, when you took out

your own kidney to save your ex-wife,

even though she tried to kill you.

Well, it's always nice to meet the fans.

She's not crazy, is she?

So, uh, how are you doing?

Hi. Hi,

Rachel. What's she doing here?

I have no idea.

Um, I'll be watching TV if anybody needs

me.

Seriously, what is she doing? Uh, you

know, lately she just likes hanging out

here.

Why? I think she's lonely.

Okay, but it's Valentine's Day. Can't we

just ask her to go? Well, no. No, she's

way too emotional. And by emotional, I

mean Christy.

I'm not here. That's just my Chinese

food. Oh my god. She has food delivered

here. Mhm. Yes. She's She's emotional

but but ballsy.

You know what I'm going to do? I'm going

to get in my sweats and eat this in bed.

And you thought she was going to be in

our

way. So, okay. Why don't you uh open the

champagne and I will be right back. I've

got a surprise for you. You got another

ex-wife back there.

So, did he get on one knee? Did Did he

have a speech prepared? Oh, did he cry?

Yeah. Big surprise. I like proposals.

Well, it was really sweet and like the

most romantic thing ever. Well, hey.

Well, here's Tibbe who's found the

greatest guy in the world. To Phoebe and

I want to say Mike.

To Phoebe and Mike.

Thank you. Oh, and I have something for

you. It's Yeah, it's my little black

book. It's got the numbers of all the

guys I've dated.

Oh, Benny, that's nice. But you know

what? I think I'm okay. Why don't you

give it to one of your other single

girlfriends? I would, but you're the

last one.

Give me the book.

Pablo Diaz, Brady

[Music]

Smith, guy in van. Oh, my first love.

What does the red X next to Bob

Griemore's name mean? Dead.

H. Funny story. I bumped into Joanna on

the street yesterday.

My boss Joanna. Wow, that must have been

awkward. Well, no, actually, she asked

me if I wanted to get a drink.

You uh didn't say yes to that, did you?

No. No. Hello, Rachel.

Well, not at

first. What is she doing here?

I don't understand. Last time you went

out with her, you said she was a big

doll dud. Well, I think I judged her too

quickly. And this time we were able to

take the relationship to the next level.

Well, last time I almost got fired. You

must end it. You must end it now. Oh,

come on. It's not like this is an

everyday occurrence for me. I mean,

usually I'm pretty much just in there by

myself.

I I I want to thank you all for coming.

My family and my friends.

Woohoo. I'd really like to say that I'm

um You know what I'd really like to

say? I'm drunk.

That's right, mom and dad. Your little

mara is

hammered. And guess what? I've been

drunk

before and I've smoked a

cigarette. You know what? You know

what? It's all okay. It's okay because I

turned 30

today and I could do anything I

want because I am a grownup.

What? Nothing. Nothing. Just your over

coat sounds remarkably like Brent

Musberger. Check it out. Giants Cowboys.

You're watching a football game at a

funeral. No, it's the pregame. I'm going

to watch it at the reception.

You are a frightening, frightening man.

Oh no, my new Paulo shoes. Oh, I hope

they're not

ruined. You okay? God, what a great

day. What? Weatherwise,

I know

you the air, the the

trees, even though Nana's gone, there's

there's something almost uh I don't

know, almost like

I'm fine. I'm fine.

Just just having my worst fear realized,

but

you guys are so cute. I know.

All right. I'll see you tomorrow. Okay.

Okay.

[Music]

You know, I love doing crossword puzzles

with you, honey. Me, too. Now, let's

finish this and go to bed. Okay, there's

only one left. Threeletter word. Not

dog, but

cat.

Yes. You are so smart.

I love you. I love you, too.

Hey everybody, happy Thanksgiving. No,

no, no, no, no, no. What are we keeping

Thanksgiving a secret this year? No. We

are playing this game I learned at work.

You have to name all the states in six

minutes. What? That's like insanely

easy. No, it's a lot harder than it

sounds. You always forget at least one

or in some

cases 14.

It's a stupid game and I wasn't playing

against other people, so technically I

didn't lose. What? You forgot 14 states?

Nobody cares about the Dakotas.

Oh, okay. Time's up. All right. I got

48. Oh, that's not bad, babe. Oh, I got

tired of naming states, so I decided to

list the types of

celery. And I have one regular celery.

Okay, so Rachel's got 48 and Phoebe has

the lead

in vegetables. Joey, say hello to the

new champ of Chandler's dumb states

game. Wow. How many you got? 56.

Hey, thieves. Guess who we saw today?

Oh. Oh, fun. Okay. Um, Liam Niss. No.

Where are we safer? Nope. The woman who

cuts my hair. Okay. Look, this could be

a really long game. Your sister Ursula.

Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah. She works over

at that place. Uh, Griff. Yeah, I know.

Oh, you do? Because she said you guys

haven't talked in like years. Mhm. Yeah.

So, um, is she fat?

Not from where I was standing.

Where were you

standing? Um, fees. So, you you guys

just don't get along. It's mostly just

dumb sister stuff, you know? I mean,

like, everyone always thought of her as

the pretty one, you know?

And oh, oh, she was the first one to

start walking, even though I did it

later that same day.

But to my parents by then it was like,

"Yeah, right. Well, what else is new?

Some stranger is going to be living in

my room." Well, after 15 years of mom

and dad keeping it as a shrine to you,

it's time the velvet ropes came down.

I kept your room for a while. Oh,

please. Dad turned my room into a gym 20

minutes after I moved out. I got to say,

a tanning bed and a stack of Victoria's

Secret cataloges, not a gym.

Come on. And you know they love you as

much as they love you. I was their first

born. They thought she was barren. It's

not my fault.

Look, all my stuff is safe and dry. And

all her stuff is is growing new

stuff. See, this is exactly the kind of

thing that makes her think you guys love

me more than you love her. Oh my god.

Does she really think that? Well, can

you blame her? I don't know. I I I

suppose we may have favored you

unconsciously. You were a medical

marvel. The doctor said your mother

could Dad. I don't want to hear about

it. Really? Well, not right now. Uh,

morning. Hey. Hey. Hey. Do you guys

think you could uh close your eyes for

just a sec? Oh, no. No, no, no. I'm not

falling for that again.

What's going on? Well, I I sort of did a

stupid thing last night. What stupid

thing did you do?

[Applause]

Okay, Paulo, why don't you just go get

dressed and you'll be on your way. Okay.

Bye. Bye.

Rachel, how did this happen? I don't

know. I just kind of ran into him last

night. Where? At his apartment. Is this

juice?

Whoa. Whoa. And the fact that you dumped

him cuz he hit on Phoebe. Oh, God. I

know. I'm pathetic. I'm a loser.

Honey, you're not pathetic. You're just

You're sad. Yeah. I mean, people do

stupid things when they're upset. My

god. If I had a nickel for every guy I

wish I hadn't.

Come on. There's got to be something.

Oh, she's perfect.

I have one.

Great. Okay, you can go first. Uh, well,

I guess I'm not going to miss the fact

that you're never allowed to move the

phone pin.

That's a good one. Okay, Monica,

anything? You know, does Rachel move the

phone pin?

Ah, sometimes.

Always, actually.

Okay, good. There you go. Doesn't

everyone feel better?

It's not just the foam pin.

I never get my messages. You get your

messages? Yeah. Well, I don't think it

really counts if you have to read them

off the back of your hand after you fall

asleep on the couch. So So you missed a

message from who? Chandler or your mom

or Chandler or your mom?

Well, that's

me.

Here, have this. I'm only allowed one

piece of carryon anyway.

Wait.

Uh, listen. I I I have to tell you

something. Um, I've been thinking. I'm

just going to come out and say it, okay?

I I I

think I love you.

Oh, thank you.

[Laughter]

It's no problem.

Hey guys. Hey. So, what do you think?

About what? What? Yeah. What? Are you

kidding? Okay, I'll give you a hint.

I'll give you a hint.

Eyes. No. No. Your eyes. No. Chandler's

eyes.

I got glasses.

You always had glasses.

No, I didn't.

Are you sure?

Yeah. Didn't Didn't you used to have a

pair? They were really round and

burgundy and they made you look kind of

um feminine. Yes.

No, sweetie. I think the glasses look

great. They make you look really sexy.

Really? Yeah. And you didn't think I

used to wear glasses, right? Of course.

You know, everything's going to be fine.

The baby's sleeping. What if she jumped

out of the bassinet? Can't hold her own

head up. But yeah, jumped.

Oh my god. I left the water running.

Rach, you did not leave the water

running. Please, just just pull yourself

together. Okay. Wait, did I leave the

stove on? You haven't cooked since 1996.

Is the window open? Because if the

window's open, a bird could fly in

there. And Oh my god. You know what? I

think you're right. I think you know

what? Listen, listen. A a pigeon. No, no

way. No, no. An eagle flew

in. Landed on the stove and caught

fire. The baby, seeing this, jumps

across the apartment to the mighty

bird's aid. The eagle, however,

misconstruses this as an act of

aggression and grabs the baby in its

talent. Meanwhile, the faucet fills the

apartment with water. Baby and Bird,

still ablaze, are locked in a death

grip. swirling around the whirlpool that

fills the apartment.

Boy, are you going to be sorry if that's

true. I need to talk to you. Sure.

What's up? Oh, sorry. I meant Chandler.

I I know.

Well, if something comes

up Oh, I'm glad you guys are past that

little awkward face.

Okay. My boss Joanna, when you left, she

started asking questions about you. Like

what she saw, huh?

Doug my action, did she? Checking out

the chen chain name.

[Applause]

That was surreal.

Okay. What do you think? You interested

at all? Yeah, she seemed cool.

attractive. I'll do it. Oh, thank you,

Chandler. This is so great. She's going

to love me. Hey, dinosaur tan. Quick,

everybody into the house.

[Music]

Guys, there's uh somebody I'd like you

to meet.

[Music]

Wait, wait. What is that? That would be

Marcel. Do you want to say hi? No. No, I

don't. Oh, he is precious. Where did you

get him? My friend Bethl rescued him

from some lab. That is so cruel. Why?

Why would a parent name their child

Bethl?

Hey, that monkeyy's got a Ross on his

ass.

Ross, is he going to live with you like

in your apartment? Yeah. I mean, it's

been kind of quiet since Carol left. So,

why don't you just get a roommate? Uh, I

don't know. Well, I think you reach a

certain age. Having a roommate is just

kind of

pathet That's

pathet way to live.

Hey. Hey.

I was just at the bank and there was

this really hot teller and she didn't

ask me to go do it with her in the

vault.

Same kind of thing happened to me. Woman

pizza delivery guy comes over, gives me

the pizza, takes the money, and leaves.

What? No like nice apartment. Bet the

bedrooms are huge.

Nothing.

You know what? We have to turn off the

porn. I think you're right.

Like, all right. Ready? One, two, three.

That's kind of nice.

Yeah, that's kind of a relief.

You want to see if we still have it?

Yeah.

Free. We have a free

Well, hello there.

I didn't see this on the menu.

Tim, this is Phoebe. Phoebe. This is

Tim, my new sue chef. Oh, so you're

Monica's boss. Actually, she's my boss.

Sue is is French for under. Ah, I sue

stand.

Hey Tim, I need a calamari and a Caesar

salad. And um could you get me the

pesto? Yeah. You you made pesto? Yes, I

did. Would you say your pesto is the

best? I I don't know, but I I would say

it's pretty good. O,

I still need the calamari and the Caesar

salad. I like your necklace. Oh, I made

it myself. You are so talented. Well,

it's no pesto.

All right. All right. Let's just cut to

the chase. Okay. You're single. You're

single. He gets off work at 11:00.

She'll be waiting for your call. I'll

give him your number if I could just get

one calamari and one Caesar salad.

I did not yell. I am not putting a

dollar in the jar.

We're a couple and that's uh what

couples do. And I want to meet your

parents. We should take a trip with your

parents.

I don't think we need to because you're

tripping me out right now.

Are you okay? No, I am. I actually am. I

mean, this is amazing. My entire life, I

have feared this place. And now that I'm

here, it's like, what was the big deal?

I mean, I could probably say, "Let's

move in together," and I'd be okay. You

probably want us to move in together.

It doesn't scare me. Yeah, well, it

scares me. I mean, I'm not even divorced

yet, Chandler. You know, you just

invited me over here for pasta and all

of a sudden you're like talking about

moving in together and I wasn't even

that hungry. You know what? It's getting

really late and I I should just um No,

no, no, don't go. I've scared you. I've

said too much. I'm hopeless and awkward

and desperate for love.

Yeah. Do you want it?

No. I hate cats. Well, so then what are

you doing to me? Okay, just get out of

here. All right, move on.

Jeez. Wow, what an unusual cat. Yes,

thank you. Exactly. You want it? Maybe.

I was thinking about getting a cat. I

was just going to go to the shelter, but

Okay, why not? Oh, terrific. That'll be

$2,000.

What? Okay, a,000. I thought you wanted

me to adopt your cat. Well, I do, but

you're just going to have to actually

look at this as more of an investment

than a cat. Okay. Yeah. I just wanted a

cat. Yeah. Okay.

Okay. Obviously, you know how to haggle.

So, I'm not going to try and take you

on. Okay. So, $800. And I don't call the

cops, which I should because you are

robbing me. Blind. Blind. You're active.

Just take the cat, leave the money, and

run away. Just run away. Damn it. Hey,

can't you at least smile or something?

You're awake. Look at you. How do you

How do you feel? Uh, a little woozy, but

basically okay. Gosh, you you look good.

I feel

good. Who are you? Oh, sorry. I'm I'm

Phoebe Buffet. I'm Monica Geller. I've

been taking care of you. But we both

have. So, the Etcha sketch is from you

guys. Well, actually, it's just from me.

Yeah, I got you the foot massager. You

know who shaved you? That was me. I read

to you. I sang. Ha.

Well, thanks. Oh, my pleasure. You're

welcome. So, I guess I'll see you

around.

What? That's

it. See you around. Well, what do you

want me to say? Oh, I don't know. Maybe.

Um, that was nice. Admit something to

me. I'll call you.

All right, I'll call you. I don't think

you mean that.

Wait a minute. You stayed home all day

and played Miss Pac-Man while I went off

to work like some kind of chump.

And I got all the top 10 scores. I

erased Phoebe off the board. High five.

What is the matter with your hand?

Well, I've been playing it for like

eight hours. It'll loosen up. Come on,

check out the scores. Oh, and also look

at the initials. They're dirty words.

Chandler, why would you do that? Because

it's awesome.

You think this is clever? Well, you

know, they only give you three letters,

so after as SS, it is a bit of a

challenge.

Wait a minute. This one's not dirty.

Well, it is when you put it together

with that one.

Oh, well. If you don't clear this off,

you won't be getting one of those for

me. Ben's coming over here tomorrow to

play this game. This can't be there.

Come on. He won't even know what they

mean. Jaylor, he's seven. He's not

stupid. Have you talked to him lately?

This is the guy I was telling you about.

Yeah. Yeah. And believe me, this suit

does not do justice to what's underneath

it.

Okay. But I can't I'm just sort of in

the middle of something. Oh, okay. Yeah,

that's okay. Have a seat.

You can't do that. Maybe I should go.

Just sit down. We're winning.

Okay. You know what? Maybe I should go.

No, no, no. Have a seat. You have a

seat. Rachel. Rachel, you haven't

touched Elon's hair. It's the softest

hair. Touch it. I'm good. Rachel.

Patrick is really rich. Give her some

money.

You know what, Phoebe? This isn't really

worth the free massage. That's right,

Patrick. Bye-bye. No, Elena is much more

cooperative and he can dance. You dance

for Rachel.

No, no, no. Don't dance for me. Please

don't. What's the matter with you guys?

Yeah. Okay, let's talk it out. I

Am I the only one that this is

embarrassing for? I'm a little

embarrassed. Sh.

[Applause]

Good

evening. I am Mr.

Tribani and I will be teaching acting

for soap operas. Now,

um, on my first day as Dr. Drake Ramore

on Days of Our Lives,

uh, I learned that one of the most

important things in soap opera acting is

reacting. This does not mean acting

again. It means you don't have a line,

but someone else just did. And it goes

something like this.

Thanks. Thanks. Thanks a lot. Oh, by the

way, before I forget, to work in soap

operas, some of you are going to have to

become much more attractive.

All right, moving right along. Okay,

when you're playing a machine and it

hasn't paid out, a lurker waits for you

to give up and then kills you.

No, they swoop in and steal your

jackpot.

Oh. Mhm. How do you know about this? My

nana used to do it. Mhm. That's how she

paid for all my dance karate lessons.

Dance karate? Yes. It's a deadly but

beautiful sport.

Something your kiss just told

me. My soul died.

Oh well. Lost again.

That's it. You and me outside.

I don't want to see you lose a chunk of

that pretty blonde hair.

It'll be fun.

What was that? Hi. Um, I just thought

that it would be fun if the three of us

had some beers and got to know each

other. Yeah. All right, that sounds all

right. Oh, good. Okay. Oh, no. I have to

go because I'm late for my um Green Eggs

and Ham discussion

group. Um, tonight it's why he would not

eat them on a train.

Have fun. Bye. That was so lame. I know.

Yeah.

Okay. Talk to him.

So, you uh you think that speed racer

guy gets a lot of tickets

or That's good. That's good. So, so who

broke up with who? What? Are you

kidding? I broke up with her. She

actually thought that Shan Penn was the

capital of Cambodia.

That's good, man. When everybody knows

that the uh the capital of Cambodia is

uh Well, it's not Sean not. Guys, I'm

telling you, when she runs, she looks

like a cross between Kermit the Frog and

the $6 million man.

Monica had such a crush on him that she

used to kiss his poster every night

before she went to bed. Oh, I used to do

that, too. Did you also have his album?

It's not easy being green.

Oh, so Phoebe runs weird, huh? Yeah.

Yeah. You know what? And and I know

she's going to want to run again. I just

don't I don't know how to get out of it.

I mean, I live with her. Why don't you

just be straight with her? Tell her the

truth. You're right. You're right. I

should just tell her the truth. Hey.

Hey. Hey, babe. Monica tripped me. I

don't think I can ever run again. Ever

Why? Why would you do that? I don't

know.

I'm I'm sorry that I hurt your ankles.

Ankle. We'll see. Ever have to fire

anyone?

Nina.

Nina.

Nina. Nina.

Are you okay?

Yes. Yes, I am. Uh, listen, the reason

that I called you in here today was

uh please don't hate me.

What?

Would you like to have dinner sometime?

[Music]

And that's the Chrysler building right

there.

Nina, Mr.

Douglas. Cool. Tie.

She's still here. Yes. Yes, she is.

Phoebe, I completely understand. Yeah,

whatever you need.

Hey, you want to go home? Okay, thanks.

Sorry

[Laughter]

again. What was that?

[Applause]

Uh, I'm guessing the threshold's clear

now.

Hey. Hey, thieves. Oh, hey. How's the

dog? Okay. I talked to the vet. People

are so nice upstate. Anyway, he said

that the little fella is going to be

okay and I can pick him up tomorrow. Oh,

good. Thank God. Yeah. But he did have

to have like a bunch of stitches and he

said that only once in a blue moon does

a dog's ear grow back. So, what is your

situation?

Oh, well, it's complicated. I don't

actually have a boyfriend, but um And

can I have your number?

I'm sorry. No. Okay.

Oh, sure.

Oh my god. You're giving your real

number.

Okay. Thanks. I'll give you a call later

tonight. Great. Bye. Bye.

Wow. So, that's great.

You, Bill, Ross, and Emma are going to

be so happy together.

What were you thinking? I don't know. He

was cute and he liked me. It was an

impulse. But what about Ross? What about

your moment? Don't you want to talk to

Ross about it? No. No. Cuz I know

exactly how the conversation's going to

go. Hey, Ross. You know, I think we had

a moment before. Yeah. Me,

too. Well, but I'm not sure I really

want to do anything about it. Yeah. Me

neither. All right, Monica, dear. I'm

going to hit the road now. I've left my

10 verbs on the table, and you be sure

and send me that finished poem. Okay,

we'll do. I'm so glad you came. I think

I saw Rachel out in the hall. Okay, let

me go check. Oh, all right.

Your mom wants to say goodbye. Oh, okay.

Happy birthday, sweetie.

Okay. Uh, you drive safe. Okay, boss.

What are you doing?

I'm getting ready for the water

skiing. Big hug. One more. Big hug. Come

on, baby.

How are you?

Uh, Dr. Pink, where you going to get my

coat?

All right. All right. I can get my own

coat.

Sorry, we're on a major fla high.

Hey, please tell me you got the message.

What message? The actor playing Mac

couldn't do it. They needed to see you

at 2:00. What? It's 6:00.

I wrote I wrote it on the board. I wrote

it on the board and then I went all over

New York City looking for you. I went to

Ross's. I went to the coffee house. I

went to any place that they make

sandwiches.

I can't believe this, Chandler. Sorry. I

I I don't know what to say. Well, you

you might say,

"Congratulations. I saw the board. I

went to the audition. I got the board."

Is that supposed to be funny? I was

really worried over here. Oh, well, you

know, sometimes that fake out thing is

just mean. Oh, wow. Okay, man. I'm

sorry. I did not mean to make you feel

bad. Well, that's good because you

didn't. And I'm incredibly happy for

you.

That's mean.

You really had me going there. We could

do this all day. Yeah, you're right.

Yeah. I I know we've only gone out like

twice, but I don't know. I have a really

good feeling about her. Oh, I hear

divorce bills.

All right, just give me your wallets and

there won't be a problem. What? I have a

gun. Okay, just just relax, Phoebe. Just

stay calm.

Oh my god, I can't find my wallet.

All right, lady. Now, give me your

purse. No. What do you mean no? I knew

you'd be my death. Phoebe Buffet.

LOL. Is that you? Phoebe? Oh my god. Oh

my god.

I'm sorry, Ross. This is my old friend

LOL from the streets.

LOL. Ross. Ross. It's nice to meet you.

A real pleasure.

It's been so long. Oh, so long. I can't

believe you're still doing this. Ah, I

know. But I quit smoking. Good for you.

You have Nick's tickets? Yeah, my mom

got my dad's season tickets in the

divorce, so she just gave them to me.

Yeah, apparently they're they're pretty

good seats. Oh my god, those are almost

right on the floor. Do you guys want

these? Yeah, we do.

Oh, well, you got him. All right, just

give us our apartment back.

Oh, I didn't see that coming.

Are you serious? Oh, come on. We know

what these are worth. What? Do you think

we're stupid? Not stupid. You're meaner

than I thought.

What do you say? Forget it. Okay. Hey,

I'm not giving up my bachelor pad for

some basketball seats. Your bachelor

pad? Have you even had a girl up here?

No, but uh Joey has and I usually talk

to them in the morning time.

Yeah, you do.

[Music]

Key Vocabulary

Vocabulary	Meanings
revolutionary ˌrɛvəˈluːʃənɛri C1	adjective - involving or causing a complete or dramatic change
guarantees ˌɡærənˈtiːz B2	verb - to promise with confidence that something will happen or be true
cartons ˈkɑːrtənz A2	noun - a cardboard box used for storage or transport
milk mɪlk A1	noun - the white liquid produced by the mammary glands of mammals verb - to extract milk from an animal
master ˈmæstər B2	noun - a person who has comprehensive knowledge or skill in a subject
phase feɪz B1	noun - a distinct period or stage in a process of change
strip strɪp B1	verb - to remove clothing or covering from something or someone
club klʌb A2	noun - a place where people gather for social or entertainment activities, often featuring dancing or music
naked ˈneɪkɪd B1	adjective - without clothing; uncovered
audition ˈɔːdɪʃən B1	noun - a trial performance to evaluate an actor, singer, or performer
fluent ˈfluːənt B2	adjective - able to speak or write a language smoothly and accurately
resume rɪˈzjuːm B1	verb - to begin again after a pause or interruption noun - a brief document summarizing a person's education, work experience, and qualifications
romantic roʊˈmæntɪk B1	adjective - characterized by love, sentiment, or an idealized view of the world
champagne ʃæmˈpeɪn B2	noun - a sparkling wine produced in the Champagne region of France, often used for celebrations
candle ˈkændəl A2	noun - a stick of wax with a wick that produces light when lit
moonlight ˈmuːnˌlaɪt B1	noun - the light that comes from the Moon
marriage ˈmærɪdʒ B1	noun - the legally or formally recognized union of two people as partners in a personal relationship
goldfish ˈɡoʊldˌfɪʃ A2	noun - a small orange or yellow freshwater fish often kept as a pet