– Bilingual Lyrics Chinese/English

Lyrics & Translation

[English]

Didn't you say that you learned a communication skill today

You go outside

There is a gangster who wants to beat you

You can communicate with him properly

Then it will be fine

I worked as a young master in a hotel

My neighbors are all gangsters

My younger brothers and sisters were beaten by me when they were young

Their biggest wish when they were young was...

It would be great if I died outside one day

During my sophomore year

my neighbor went to the hotel to stir up trouble

and asked me if I wanted to be a young master

Brother Hank

Come on, little brother

Rijia, prepare a fruit plate today

Only you come and have something that no one else has

Hahaha

You see, you brought sister Tingting here today, right

You have a lot of face

The scene comes out

Hahaha

In fact, I am very painful

Before the age of 30

I think life is for me

I feel helpless

I think there is something that opens up this structure

Open this helpless structure

Open the structure that your mind knows

but your body cannot do

I went

That was the most important decision in my life

No one

This is a library where you can only drink

A rental stereotype to explore an unknown place

What about the iceberg theory

It has seven or eight layers

Start with actions and then start feeling

Feelings of Feelings

Then all the way to your desire

and then to the self

There are some in the middle that I missed

But

How do you observe your self from your behavior

Do you think your seriousness is a behavior

or a self

It is a state

This state is more like

It is a response to the world

The meaning of response is that you

My name is Tingting today

Tingting look at me

This is how you deal with me

Yes

I hit you, you

You ran away

For example, we

I just mentioned that

If I were in a strange place

Hey, I may not know how to interact with other

people, something will happen inside

So my response is as we say in Taiwanese

I shrank

I shrank

I don’t know what to do either

Then I don’t like myself to be like this

and I don’t like the world to be like this

I’m guessing

There is a type of lonely people who should understand my feelings very well

Just say that I don’t want myself to be like this

and I don’t want the world to be like this

Then I feel

I feel like I can’t get along with the world

I can’t get along with myself either

Then that state becomes difficult to deal with

I feel it myself

It was a very difficult state at that time

okay

Right, so this is one

You just asked which level it is

This is the level we deal with on the surface

Then if we talk about expectations

For example, Bingshan has expectations

I also want to blend in with others

Or I also want to be quieter

You may have various expectations.

But these expectations

have some things that are contrary to them

He happens to be the opposite

So he is often in a contradictory state

Then you are in that state

You often don't understand yourself

Then what will you do

How to describe yourself as a kind of person

Bullshit, bullshit

Well, it's over

You should still be able to feel the past now

The kind of past

Let’s talk about ruins like this, right?

Just say ruins

Yes, you are talking about the past

Yes, yes, you can still see it

For example, I worked as a young master in a hotel and you can see it

I have a feeling that my neighbors are gangsters

Maybe I can still see that in my conversation

In a certain field

You can see this kind of relic

Well, this kind of feeling is a little murderous

Not murderous

Because I am not a big brother

I'm a vulgar boy

So he

doesn't have the murderous feeling

but still has that kind of tone

You can feel it in some fields

So you just asked me

I was in the state 30 years ago

There is this kind of mixed state

And now there should be

But now

in almost any situation

will

I don’t have this state.

I don’t even have this feeling.

This feeling is uncomfortable.

I’m not here.

Right, I am neither here nor there nor there

I am neither doing this nor doing that.

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

Yes, then the neighbors you help you are all gangs

They are all brothers

Yes

But I don’t feel that your speech is like that

It’s a shame you did it before

Now you don’t like it

If you want it, I can do it now

Hahahaha

I learn from Satir Maha

My brother has been here

The year my father left was 2015

Yes

My neighbor is him

For a wall

That water will leak

Yes, and then the water in his house will leak

Therefore, the house

where our house has water will be splashed by his water

Yes

Well, my father had to raise this wall

so that the water would not be poured down

...

Our fence

Well

But as soon as this fence was raised high

the water from the other party poured into our fence

It will be reflected into his window

Hmm

Come and come often

argue um

One day

my father passed away

um

passed away

the day after his death

I returned home

The neighbor’s aunt

came to me again to talk about this matter

Well

Just come and talk about it.

The water in your house

How is it

You know my brother

I don’t say a word when he is next to me

I just XXXXXXXXXXXXX

The curse words came right away

and then came out in succession

My brother told me

You are not learning from Satyr

Hahaha

You are not learning consistency

I said this thing is called inconsistent consistency

Hahaha

That is to say

I am now

Then you will invent your own

no no no no no

Inconsistent agreement

It’s true

For example, let’s say we are in an iceberg

For example, we say we should not scold someone

When our child appears in a state

or your partner appears in a state

Your friend

You blame him

This is the accuser

Ha, yes

You dare not accuse him

You have to do it

Just please him

That’s right

Then you may be a logical person

You can only reason with him

It makes people feel difficult to get close

Well, or you can only talk

You don't want to talk to him properly

These are called four coping postures

oh, then there is a fifth among these four

It is the best expression

It is generally speaking in Satya

It means the best

I can communicate with you well

Then there is a state

We call it consistent

But eh

My teacher once said something very good

He said that this kind of good communication

For example, suppose you are rude to me today

I have learned from it

I can do that

I can use a good method

Or I can be very balanced in my heart

Have a very profound conversation with you

An exchange

Well, I have this ability.

But Satir said you don’t have to do this.

uh He said consistency

This is called consistency

Ha I think this is cute

Consistency he said is a choice

It is a rule

Hahaha he said OK

Then you have to be responsible for yourself

So I am OK

I scold you today

I scold you, there is a price later.

The price may be that you are unhappy with me

Or you may say

You are not Satir’s teacher

Yes, how can you curse people

Yes, this is a price

You may have a price to be responsible for

Then as long as you are willing to pay the price

You know this is your responsibility

OK

Then you can choose this state

So at the moment when you are in Qiao

You have already thought about everything later

No, no

Hahahahahaha

People are hard

Don’t think about this

Because it’s inertia

I don't need people to live

That's what we learned

This doesn't mean that you have to live a very tired life

Just say him

He can make you understand your state more and more

What state it is

So I want to scold him

My father is gone

I don't want a person to come to my house after eight days

Hey my home

There are dead people

Hey, someone came to your house

and they came to argue with you about something that happened 10 years ago.

The things we have been arguing about

may come again

I may still criticize him

Yes

I still have the Three Character Sutra

So my brother told me

You are not learning from Satir

I said this is called inconsistent agreement

Hahahaha, it is true

What was his reaction after hearing this

He may not have known at the time that there was really inconsistency

and consistency

He was just talking and you were talking

Hahaha

Guess it should be like this

Just like my reaction just now

Hahaha, yes, yes

But but it is actually like this

For example, for example

Didn’t you say you learned this today

Learned a communication skill

When you go outside, there is a gangster who wants to beat you

Well, you can communicate with him properly

Then everything will be fine

Well, he is so unreasonable

You may have to defend yourself

You may have him beat you

You may have to beat him

Well, you may have to protect the child

Yes, so you will fight back

Fighting back is to accuse

Is it a blow

How can it be possible for you

They are all very, very serious

Hey, please speak carefully

I don’t think it is possible

A little obsessed

I think so

Yes, many people are learning this

We just have a little more understanding

For example, we learn a way of communication

It’s about knowing more about yourself

Of course, you also know more about the world

So you have more choices

People actually often have no choice

For example, today

Today a child

Or a word from your partner

You will be easily tempted

If you don’t want to scold him

Just criticize him

Then this thing is that you have no choice

But when you learn it

In fact, there is often no choice

Because after you learn

you don’t want to scold him

But you still scold

Because your physical and mental muscles are reacting here

Well, past experience

Let’s just say you are used to it

Habit is just that

Inertia is that your brain knows not to

But your physical and mental muscles will still react

So you still will

Therefore, human freedom has become very difficult

Comes from here

Because it is difficult for us to use what we call consistency

congruence or consistency

As far as your mind and your body and mind are in the same state

I find it very difficult

...

So when we learn this thing

it boils down to the bottom line

It has a final thing

which is whether you can connect yourself better

Or in ordinary secular terms,

is whether you can understand yourself better

Yeah

For example, let me give you an example

It means the state where you want

but you can't do it

Or the true meaning of iceberg

Just now Tingting said that it is an iceberg

Ha

Look at this

Is the iceberg more

Is it a little deeper?

Is it more abstract?

There is a couple

Let’s eat together

The two of them often quarreled during the meal

After the two quarreled

The wife would have a cold war

She would often not speak

The husband would just say it

...

...

...

...

...

You tell me

What do you want

The first thing I ask is what do you want

Because

many people don't actually know what they want

Or what they want

is completely opposite to what they do

It's completely contrary

There are many times like this

It's unclear where he wants to go in the end

He hasn't thought about this for him

I haven't thought about it, so you think about it

I don’t know if Hank

has ever had a cold war with others

Has he ever had a quarrel with his relatives?

There must be

It’s impossible

So when we quarrel

Or someone you have a close relationship with

Or your friend

He has a cold war with you

Yes

If you are also very distressed

You can also ask yourself

What do you want

Yes, yes

I will ask this man

What do you want

What do you want

Hey, he told me quickly

Of course I want to communicate with him.

I want to talk to him properly

When I say you, you mean to say

What do you want

You have to ask me

How can you talk to him well

Right?

He said yes

I said you tell me

He stopped talking to you

Is there anything happening in your heart

He said yes

I am very angry

Then I asked him

Has this anger hindered your communication with him

He said of course there is

Well I said

So logically

You should face your anger first

Well, you want to face your anger

Let your anger be less angry

Then

Can you talk to him like this

This man immediately told me that I am unwilling

Hahahahahaha

Then I asked him why you are unwilling

Hahaha

His second sentence was to tell me Teacher Ajian

I've never thought about this

You see this now

The logical concept is that

He wants to talk to the other party

This is an expectation

Yes, but his deeper expectation is

Hidden under the iceberg is

He has another expectation

I don’t want to be willing to do it for you

Come and see how angry I am

There is a point of view in comparison

Maybe I wronged myself

Right

Why not you

Why is it me

Why is it me

Why is it me

But what you just told me is that he is in the cold war

He is not talking

Then how do I talk to him

Yes

You ask me how do you talk to him

You have to face this

You don’t want to face it

What you said about this matter is all in vain

So in the relationship

many times the iceberg means

You actually didn’t see

You didn’t see something happening inside yourself

You thought you were still his problem

It’s all his, no

He seduced you without talking

Then he, an ordinary man, would say to me like this

Who told him not to talk first

Well, sweet

Have you ever had a cold war with someone

Hahaha every day

Have you ever had a state with him all day long

Have you ever had a state

When you are having a cold war with someone, they want to talk to you

Or they will hold you back

For example, if you turn your back to him

To have a cold war with him

He turns you around

He wants to turn you around to talk to him

Then you turn back again

Do you have this experience

Or do you know anyone like this

No, no

You don’t.

Because usually you don’t even dare to approach me if you see me being ugly

Just like

If you touch him, he will say don't touch me

Yes, yes, there is such a state

He will say that I have, I have an impression

Just say it

It's too late to turn around, just one moment

Haha

So you see

You can't turn around

That's when you are in the cold war

As soon as others want to get close to you, you will reject them

Yes

Yeah

Then let’s ask this cold war person what he wants

What he wants in a relationship

Do you want others to get close to you

Do you want others to understand you

I think I do, but I don’t have it at the moment

No at the moment

At the moment when I was completely angry because of me

I completely lost my mind

There should be no way to think

Completely unable to think

That person is so angry that he can't think at the moment

So it's not that he doesn't want to think

Nor

But I think I understand myself

I hope others understand me

Then I will calm down before talking to him

But before I talk to him

I am not willing to talk

Because I am too angry and I can't think at all

If you are in this state

According to Satir

People in this state

usually experienced family conflicts when they were young

Mom and dad often quarreled

So usually

Oh my god

just because

Oh my god

Teacher, are you a fortune teller?

Hahahaha

They all say this

This is really neuroscience

So they will separate

It's too awesome

It's not because Ting just provided the information

Oh, because I didn't give you the horoscope today

Hahahahahahaha, then you will know

That's right

So we know that now

Everything happens for a reason

This of yours is amazing

Oh, because I really don’t want conflict

I will conflict as soon as I talk

Yes, so you know why

becomes cold war when angry

People in this state

If you look at the iceberg behind

you will understand

He experienced that kind of conflict when he was a child

Yes, he is afraid of destroying the relationship

Yes, so he chose to freeze there and not speak

to avoid conflict

In fact, there is a good intention behind him

There is a lot of good intention behind him

But that was brought by him when he was a child

At this moment

He can only express this way

To that

But of course

He may not know this state himself

Saying that I actually don’t want to conflict

As long as I speak, I will curse

I can’t express it to others

So I can only use this method to stop there

The other person in the close relationship

At that time, he was very frustrated

Some people will be very frustrated

I understand

but then I don’t understand

Why is he always like this

Well, the teacher is talking about me

Well

Haha, I told you

I said I thought about it

I'll tell you again

Yes, he has one, he has a great point

He knows where his bottom line is

He said I'm going to talk now

Don't talk, let's calm down first

Yes, and then after a while

he will come to me to discuss this matter

Because it happened several times

So I will say it first and I won't say it now

Because I feel that what I say is all angry

That's right

But I can't speak properly

Anyway, let’s stop here

But Ting you are still very good

Hmm

Many people

When he is angry

He stops talking

No matter how people ask him, he can’t tell.

Hmm

He won’t tell him that I will talk to you later

Just let me calm down

Yes, so

We usually say this to many people in relationships

If you quarrel with others

and you are used to cold war

It is recommended to tell the other person before the cold war

I can't speak now

You give me two hours

You'd better

tell me the time

Or you give me half a day

You call a timeout, right

You, at least this

But many times you can't even say this timeout

But I think if you practice

maybe it will be in the relationship

Let others know you better

The teacher just talked about something that I think is quite interesting

It seems that people often

no matter encounter conflicts or setbacks

or encounter something

One of the parts that makes him angry many times is

I don’t know how to deal with this matter

I think this part

is something that everyone often doesn’t feel

because everyone wants to say it

It’s just that he’s bad

He’s fierce or something

But in fact many times

It's because I don't know what I'm going to do in this state

...

Yes, because sometimes I don't know how to deal with myself

There are several structures inside him

For example, I don't want to be angry with you

But I get angry as soon as I say it

That's very difficult for me to do

I'm stuck on the second one

I'm actually angry

Yes

But I hate myself for being angry

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes sometimes to you.

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

What should we do?

Accept that you will be angry

Let’s open this first

Then he won’t win like this

Yes, because sometimes I feel that I am

I should be a person with a good temper

Then when I want to be angry

I will get stuck

Do you know?

I will feel like saying hey

I shouldn't be angry

But I'm not angry now and I'm very sad

I just feel that something is wrong all over

Jing

In this way, I will be stuck in one or another anger

Sometimes I'm not really angry at others

Sometimes I'm angry at myself

Now I don't know what to do like this

In fact, the structure of human beings is very simple

The structure of human beings is very simple

I have never thought about these things before

After learning this iceberg, I understand more and more

Because I originally had a bad temper

My temper is very bad

I can see it

I can see it

There is still such a thing

Yes, sometimes I don’t want to

For example, my younger brothers and sisters were beaten by me when they were young

When my brother comes, will we talk about this?

Is there any?

Their biggest wish when they were children was

It would be great if I died outside one day

I, I, I really am

Your brother thinks you are very strict

He, he

He is too conservative

I used to really beat him

He is 5 years younger than me

Why beat him

Because I sneaked out to play by myself

Hahahaha

I want him to be filial to his parents at home

Hahahahahahahaha

This is quite funny hahaha

Dad is too old

Then I can’t meet dad’s expectations

I think my father is very miserable

Then someone must be filial

Just be filial to your younger brothers and sisters

So you are the more willful one

I am willful

Compared to your brother

it’s because I can’t do well in the exam

My homework is very poor

So I know how to discourage my father

So

Whatever satisfies your parents, leave it to your father

Whatever satisfies your father, leave it to Teacher Zhongyi

Yes, I hope my brother can study well

Then I will beat him if he doesn't gamble

Hahaha, it turns out that I can beat him like this

My sister is the same

My sister is also

So I used to be very bad

Then I don't like myself like this

But there is no way

So before

Before I was 30 years old

I will feel that life has been summarized

Just two words

Helpless

I know everything you said

I can’t do it

What's the use of being so beautiful

I can't do it

So I'm very frustrated

This sounds like the most helpless thing

Yes, I understand the truth

But I just can't do it

Yes, this sounds very frustrating

There are many people like this within a kilometer around us

Hahaha

I didn't understand what was going on until later

Yes

It's your mind

Do you know it is the mind?

Yes

Your physical and mental muscles are still in the same state as they were in the past

Ah ah

For example, I once gave a speech

I was giving a speech at a girls' middle school

A little girl sat in front of me

I walked up to the aisle and walked over

The little girl jumped back when she saw me coming

Then I squatted down and she cried

Later, the classmates asked her what was wrong

I said stop asking, stop asking

Then I will tell everyone about this

Think about it

Why did this girl move back when she saw me coming

...

Well

Logically speaking

I guess 1. He may have been bullied by boys

Bullied

2. He may have been scolded by the teacher

3. He may have been bullied by authority

Uh oh

This is a reasonable explanation

Well, so he has a muscle reflex action

This teacher was clearly on the podium

It was the first time he saw him

Well

It was impossible to do anything to him

Well, his mind should know it

Well, the body would have this reaction

The reaction that appears

is the movement of his muscles

So a person who has suffered domestic violence

A person who grew up in a certain environment

He will see something very similar

He will raise the reaction of his physical and mental muscles

And this thing is not your cognition

You can change it, so

I am very good at helping you quit smoking

You know

You will help you quit smoking

I will give you a high-value quit smoking

I will quit smoking 80%

Quit smoking successfully

I won’t smoke again for one year

Do you think about this question

Everyone who smokes knows that I don’t want to smoke, right

I can't do it without smoking

The mind is the most typical. Your mind knows

but your body will want to smoke

So you will get a cigarette to smoke

So I, I was before 30 years old

I think life is for me

When I don’t understand this thing

I feel helpless

I think I know not to talk about this nonsense anymore

Well, so I don’t like to listen to those truths

I feel very annoyed

Well, I can’t do it for the first time

This is very special

Because I have a very good friend around me

He was just like me when I was young

He always discusses something with me

Then I will tell him

My own thoughts one by one

Then he told me, I remember, I often remember him telling me

Don’t tell me

Things that can be found on the Internet

Then I know what you said

I just can’t do it

For me

What I am most powerful about now is

How to make this happen

I will do this work later

I didn’t originally have to do this job

Maybe I didn’t introduce my job just now

I took the college entrance examination for five years

Then my neighbors were all gang members in Taichung

Then five years after the college entrance examination

I worked as a plasterer

Ha container handling

Factory packaging

I worked as a waiter in college

When I was a sophomore, my neighbor went to a hotel as a bodyguard

Then he asked me if I wanted to be a young master

So I went

It’s understandable

I’ve been a young master for five or six years

I worked as a young master until I was 28 years old

I have graduated from college

I am still a young master

Because I don’t know what I want to do

Well

What I want to do

And what was the job of a young master back then

Pass a towel

Oh a towel or

Yes, then get ice cubes and cut them

Make that fruit plate or something, yes, yes

For example, that Hank

Yeah, Brother Hank

Ah ah ah ah, come on

Ah, come on

Little brother

I will prepare a fruit plate for you today

Only if you come

Others hahaha

Look, you brought Sister Tingting here today

You have a lot of face

The scene is coming out

Haha

Wait a minute

I'm going to arrange it for you.

Wow

Where's the arrangement lady?

Not the arrangement lady

Yes

You have to listen to this paragraph

This part is very cute

The hotels I have worked in include traditional stores

Uniform shops and 300 all-you-can-drink shops

I have worked in many different types of hotels

Then he does different types of hotels

His state inside is completely different

But in fact, I am very painful

I am very painful

My princess and young master in our hotel

In my time

79 years of the Republic of China

A princess for one month

What I most remember is that they could earn five or six hundred thousand a month

okay

Republic of China 1990

Tips earn 600,000

Oh

Every time they have to break 20,000

um break 20,000 a day

Break 20,000 a day

Well Brother Jian, you can break 20,000

I can't break 2,000

Hahaha

Because I am a person who dare not speak

There is an inner conflict

I want to make money

Hmm

I can't bear this face

so I often hate myself

Why did I come

I shouldn't come here

Because I don't like here

Because I saw it several times

The guest is dead

The lady is dead too

Shoot

Shoot, shoot

That you, for example, you

Very famous

You younger generation may not know it

You Taizhou people may know it

There are more than 100 guns like the Pro Hotel

My friend was inside

So in that environment at that time

I often think why I am here

But I want money

Because I don’t know what I want to do

Dad asked me to teach

I don’t like teaching because I don’t want to be one

Teachers who go to work and off work every day don’t like it very much

At that time, there was no need to take the teacher’s certificate exam

So I went there to earn this money

I earned quite a lot of money

than them

no less than seventy or eighty thousand a month less than them

Oh just oh

That was also a lot at that time

That was a lot

So the inner conflict in my whole person

was always inside

Intermittently

I go to work all of a sudden

All of a sudden I don’t get a job and I have no money

Then I feel like

I, I, I still want to make money

After I make money, I wonder why I am still here.

I don’t know, everyone

Do you two know?

That kind of state is very contradictory and conflicting

I feel that I have no choice

It’s very painful

That kind of pain is really what you feel every day when you are alive

Hey, how can I live in this world

So I feel that life is very helpless

That’s it

so very entangled and complicated

Then I saw those guests coming with that look

Ah, it’s you

Hey, it’s not very good for me to say this.

The sexiest and most erotic one

On the contrary, they are the most honest professional people

Well, they are usually more repressed people, right, right

Now I understand

Just say oh, it turns out that they are the most repressed and the sexiest ones

To the most puppet ones

Haha, it’s the most small actions

Yes, then touch

Just now Tingting asked me where you want to take the lady with you.

We saw those ladies inside Miss Xiang.

Some of them were very pitiful.

Well

It's really pitiful

So I thought, why are they?

There are such gentlemen in this world

What I remember the most is a girl

It doesn't matter the girl's stage name anyway

Her name is An An

She is 150 centimeters tall

Well

She looks like a short winter melon, and she also has body odor

I didn't vilify him before, I meant that this was my impression of him

...

They have two children

Hmm

It seems that they are divorced

Then there are the people who sprinted in the hotel without marriage

I was in that place at that time

...

I also have too much sympathy for people

So I often can’t do it

I feel like saying it

This place is too painful

Well, so it’s a hard place

A hard place

Then I don’t want to

But it happens to be there again

You see, this is a contradiction

I want to make money again

but I can't lose my figure

Then you just don't want to live

It's your choice

But you ask me

I really don't know

How could I become like this

But if I am now

I am almost 60 now

Ha

I am back to the state of my twenties

Let me have a conversation with Li Chongjian, who is in his twenties

...

I should be very confident

Okay, okay

Understanding him also allowed him to make me

more successful in that environment.

Have you ever had a conversation?

We don’t push ourselves to talk to ourselves

We don’t push

Because you talk to yourself

and you all end up in an ego pattern

In other words, you talk to yourself

or talk to yourself

So what if you know

It’s actually useless

What does it mean

Even if you have figured it out

I know I don’t want to

I just said that I don’t want to smoke

I know

But I can’t help it

What should I do?

That’s all you say in the end

You often know a lot of things

But you actually can’t do it

You have no choice but to say you can’t do it

I know it too

I'm back in that circle again

So if I just introduced it like this

It can be seen that in the level of dialogue

there is something that opens this structure

opens this helpless structure

opens the structure that your mind knows

but your body cannot do

this structure

In other words

there is something that can be fought

there is a dialogue method that can open this thing

but it is not a dialogue with oneself

And the second one is to say

In the path of dialogue between yourself and yourself

It is difficult for you to understand

For example, the quarreling couple we just talked about

Well

Ask him to me

Then your wife is having a cold war

Will it happen to you

Are you angry

Yes

Does this anger hinder your communication with him?

Yes

I am angry because you told me that you want to communicate with him

It has hindered the communication between the two of you

So do you want to deal with this anger

He said I don't want to

Just in this dialogue model

There is a path in this dialogue model

This path is this logic

To get here

Talk to yourself

It is not easy to achieve

It is difficult for you to get here

Oh, you have to talk to others

Okay, this is the first one

But the hardest thing is not this

The hardest thing is the second one

If he says I am willing to face my angry partner

What to do

I will tell him next

You take a deep breath

Imagine your wife is having a cold war with you

You feel angry

I will invite her

Please tell yourself

I am willing to accept

I am angry

Many people don't know

He actually doesn't accept that he is angry

Acceptance does not mean approval

That is to say, I don’t agree

I am in a relationship with someone

I may have scolded him

Or I am angry with him

We may think this is inappropriate

This is called approval

Well, but I can accept it

Acceptance means

Acceptance does not mean approval

It means that I do not agree with a person committing a crime

But I can accept a person committing a crime

For example, if you commit a crime

You must not be

There is a reason for you

You can't do it on purpose

For example, if you are a thief

You want to steal when you see it

You may not necessarily think it through

But you as a person

You have this experience

You are tied

Your conscience

There is no way to control your body and mind in this place

Well, what does it mean to accept yourself to be angry

If you accept yourself to be angry

you will not subconsciously

face the fact that you are angry

and feel angry

This is the feeling that Tingting just said

Oh

So

In fact, sometimes anger is a superficial anger

Sometimes anger is because I am angry

So I am very angry

Yes, yes

You are right to Hank

I am angry

I am angry with myself

Why should I be angry

Yes, in fact, this is subconscious

Wow, this is very deep understanding

Teacher, why are you just after leaving the hotel

You entered this place after leaving the hotel

No, no

One of the eldest sisters I tutored was named Yao Hua

He passed away this year

This eldest sister was Yao Hua

He went to a class called Satir

He often talked about what happened in Satir

I thought it was incredible

How can people change like this

How can people do this

How come state a involves state b

For example,

Tingting, if it is the Cold War

I just said that it was possible when I was a child

But we can only use possibility

, not 100% possible

When I was a child, I watched a lot of quarrels

Then I didn’t want to quarrel in my heart

So when I grew up,

I learned to face the world with the cold war

There is a second cold war

The most common one is

When I was a child, one of my father or mother was divorced

or died

I left in this way

That

So it is easy for this person to have a cold war

This is what they said in generalization

I can only say that generalization may not be 100% accurate

Right, just say these things they summarized

Then when the teacher went to confirm it again

I felt very ridiculous

How could it be like that?

At that time, teacher Zhang Yaohua told me this

I listened to him as a story

I thought it was so amazing

So amazing

I thought my teachers were so awesome

Then one day

Like we just did

Yes, was that not amazing just now?

Hahaha

Yes, then one day Teacher Beiman came to Taichung to give a lecture

After two days, the school asked me, "Hey, do you want to go"

Do you want to go?

2,000 yuan for two days

The school subsidizes 1,000 yuan

The key point is that the subsidy is 1,000 yuan

Hahaha and there is another important point

That Saturday and Sunday

We have classes on a Saturday and Sunday

A Saturday and Sunday are off

There are classes on that Saturday and Sunday

Oh oh oh

I can go and listen on public holidays

So 1,000 yuan

I went and that was my life so far

The most important decision

No one

The most important decision

That decision was that I went to listen

I cried for two days

I didn’t know anyone could talk like this

Let’s talk about my teacher

Talk a little theory and stop talking nonsense

Find someone on the spot to talk

I remember the person who talked to me

What is his name

I remember it today

I only met him once

I was so impressed

Do I think this person’s head is Kong Guli

I wanted to scold him

I just said that I felt very rigid

Because my teacher was not angry at all

Nor was he upset

Very slowly, just take it slowly

Take it slowly

My whole body is excited

My excitement is because

ah

You can talk like this

I love my dad so much

I always quarrel with him

My dad said three words to me

I quarreled with him

Well I can't stand it

After the quarrel, I left home

I told myself

I swear I will never quarrel with him again

How can I be so unfilial when he is old?

Determined to prepare myself to go home again

It didn’t take long for me to succeed

I will always leave and return like this

Come and leave and return

I just can’t talk properly

No way

I finally had to define myself

This is who I am

The world is so bad

But how can my teacher talk like this

Just say me

I didn't know anyone could talk like this

That's how I describe it

It means

If there is a person

For example

I came with that publicity that day

Ha promotion

I invited him to come to my workshop

That day there was a

I asked if there was any problem between the couple

If there is a problem

Come up now.

Let’s demonstrate what communication is called

Then a wife came up

The wife said

My husband will never buy me a house

He promised me to buy a house

Then he stopped buying it

Then the two of us argued about this for several years

I said come up and we will teach you how to communicate

I told everyone at the scene

You come to play the role of Mr.

Communicate with him

You cannot agree to him buying a house

No matter what he says, you can't agree

Yes

I don't mean

Husband should not agree to his wife buying a house

Yes, but in this communication

You can't agree

You can't agree

Because if you agree to your wife, it will be fine

Yes, agree

Yes

Many people think that communication is persuasion

Er, persuasion

Or communication means that you meet my expectations.

Or I can meet your expectations

This is called communication

Wrong, that is not communication

Communication is understanding each other

Eh

It turns out that we lack the ability to truly understand each other

Well

From the couple I just talked about the cold war with, it turns out that the husband also lacks the ability to understand himself

...

He doesn't know that he is angry

Well, he knows that he is angry and needs to take care of his own anger

But he is unwilling

It turns out that I don’t understand myself

Then if I don’t understand myself

how can I understand another person

Personally, because I'm with another person

I get hurt when he says a few words

I get angry when he says a few words

I don't want to talk to him

So if you want to communicate with another person

Then it's obvious

You have to at least have a part

to understand yourself a little bit

So I gave such an order that day

It's a rule

Can't promise him

Can't meet his expectations

Have a communication

Well, this mother said

It's impossible

As long as you don't agree to buy a house

I can't really communicate with you

I said it's okay

And me

I want to play the husband

Hahahaha

Everyone said it's impossible

Because it turns out that we all misunderstood the meaning of communication

We misunderstood the original communication

In fact, there is a subconscious mind at the bottom of our hearts

It turns out that communication means asking others to satisfy me

or me to satisfy you

It seems that communication is completed

No,

it means understanding me and understanding you

Really that

But let’s talk about this understanding

Is this state so powerful?

It’s just that big

Well, so they couldn’t do it later.

It’s me again

He couldn’t do it after just a few words

His wife cried

Later, my wife said something in the middle

Talking about teacher

I didn’t know there was such a way to communicate

Well, okay

Now I just expressed it like this

Everyone can know

I saw Beiman’s communication

How shocking it was to me

That’s me

I don’t know that people can agree with this

Just say

It turns out that this is called consent

I want this

I wanted to learn, so I spent it at that time

At that time, my deposit was only close to 100,000 yuan

I spent 60,000 yuan

I was still dizzy when I left.

I think I was brainwashed by direct sales.

I am not usually brainwashed.

I am a very independent person. It was after I learned it

...

...

...

...

...

...

It was from that time

that I understood

Oh

What's going on with people

What's going on with people

How does that person change something that I only knew

but couldn't do before

Then what can he use

to change this state

If the gentleman just now

is willing to deal with his anger

Then in Bingshan's theory

there is a level

For example, this is the only thing I did in the 52 weeks audio tape

and I will teach him to do this

Please take a deep breath

Tell yourself that I feel angry

I am willing to accept

I am angry

The essence of this matter has two directions

One is that I accept that I am angry

Two, once I really accept that I am angry

Then this anger

will be transformed into a deep sadness and grievance

For example, Tingting

When you were angry when you were young

Dad scolded you

Dad ignored you

Dad tried to reason with you

So you have a lot of anger

You are just angry

Suddenly there is someone willing to understand you

Tell you Tingting

You are angry

You have been angry for a long time

It doesn’t matter if you are angry

Well

I know you are angry

When you are angry, I will accompany you by your side

I love you, think about it

If the child who was understood back then

was understood

he might have a lot of sadness and grievance

and it would come out

Oh, it turns out that there are so many different energies in our inner world

...

What they have accumulated

are my grievances and sorrows

which have not been dealt with

So I have to use anger to come and go

to protect this thing

And this anger

is directed at others

and at myself

Yes

This logic

In fact, it seems very clear now that I say it

But it is actually not easy to do

Very not easy

Yes, so

Simple this is so difficult

This is so difficult

It's very difficult

So then I wow

It turns out that I

I really understand this thing

It turns out that's the case

So my teacher at the time

came to take this two-day class

I really cried for two days

and the tears kept flowing

I didn’t dare to cry before

I just wanted to forget it at that time

I cried for him

So I received this big gift in this school

...

Some people say, for example, life is actually a contradiction

How do you look at the contradictions in life

Because people don’t understand themselves

We often don’t understand ourselves well

So it becomes a contradiction

For example, if you accept your anger

, half of your anger will disappear

Behind you are sadness and grievance

Well

Then let's bring it over to see the contradiction you mentioned

I don't like people scolding me

But in my subconscious I am blaming myself

This is called self-blame

So many people

In fact, the contradiction comes from their failure to see

That is called the world under the iceberg

We often don't understand it well

It turns out that this is how my inner workings

It turns out that when I was young, I was blamed

expected

required

So when I didn't do it

I was blamed

In fact, I don't like to be blamed

But one day when I grew up

others didn't do well

I would scold others

And when I didn't do well myself

I have a hand stretched out to scold myself

Well, but I don’t know

Well, so that’s the contradiction

Hank, the contradiction I just understood

That contradiction comes from here

If we

don't understand these contradictions well in our inner world

He usually

will be like a state that keeps going around in circles

That is, you have been entangled here

You can't get out

I feel that there are

many years in my life

Is always in that entangled state

Going around and around and around

Then I felt helpless

Then there is one more thing in my life

I was in my thirties before

should not be before 40 years old

Well, let’s just say that even if I learned Satir

my state would be like this

I often feel that life is meaningless at a certain moment

I will feel a sense of emptiness

...

So when I was in college, I liked reading Saudi Arabia

I like reading, I like reading Kafka

You will feel

Because that thing echoes something of mine

It is said that people are not dead in the end

So

Many times

When facing a happy atmosphere

I have an inexplicable sadness

Many times on a sunny afternoon

I am driving a car

I will feel so helpless in life

It is clear that nothing has happened

Then the helpless feeling suddenly comes up

Yeah, understand, understand

I understand this

Before I was in my forties

I often have this state before the age of 40

Yes, life is just like this

But why do I suddenly come in with this feeling

Well, I

I don’t really understand

Then I later

Of course I already understand

What is that

I said this too fast

I can’t explain it clearly

In other words

People who learn to survive since childhood

There is no way to truly get close to life

We are all in a state of survival, so

Haha

Survival and life are two different things

But he didn't have to memorize

For example

A 40-year-old doctor often comes to me and tells me Teacher Ajian

My life is meaningless

Well, then why didn't he do it

He was a top student when he was young

But do you think he loves life?

Does he study because he loves reading?

No

It’s because he loves other people’s applause

He loves being rich in the future

He doesn’t love reading

books themselves, so he

learned very natural ways to survive very early

and lost the ability to connect with life

What is life

Life is when you feel happy when you play there

Life is where you get the feeling of being loved

The state of life

Especially before the age of 18

The development of our brain neurons

Well, this is the most important section

But the doctor has been

like a friend of mine

He has been number one since he was a child

The medical school of the first team of the middle school

The director of the hospital

The monthly income is 20 million

Not the annual income

Month after month

40 years old

Help me

Tell me there is nothing good in life

It’s so meaningless

He doesn’t know why he wants to live

There is no goal to strive for

Yes, it’s no longer necessary because you want to survive.

Yes.

You, so many people want to retire.

I feel bored after retirement. I always feel like I need to do something

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

I didn’t understand this before

So before I was 40 years old

Even if I learned satir

I still didn’t understand

I don’t understand

I always feel that in life

That kind of helplessness

It comes in an instant

What should I do

I always do

Well you

You know

You know that you have this experience

That’s why I live

How would you describe the helplessness of life

The helplessness in life usually comes from the fact that you have expectations

and your expectations

or you want to control

Because there is no way to get your expectations

you have helplessness

But there are many deeper experiences in life

He does not need to go through those expectations

In fact, as long as you don't care

let go of those controls

But I sound too religious when I say it like this

I said

That’s not true

But I think what you said is very convincing

Maybe when the teacher was young

he would have all kinds of helplessness

Yes

Many, many, many big

Er

Very big I think the world should not be like this

Yes, yes, I understand

I understand this, yes

But later on, all kinds of sufferers

Later on, I had all kinds of helplessness

The one with more brains later on

There is more freedom in comparison

So I am less than I am

I have less dualistic thoughts

Right or that kind of less

That kind of critical state is getting less and less

For example, I

today I am very curious about myself

When I was driving today

I saw a little girl riding a motorcycle

holding a mobile phone

riding a motorcycle

Well

Then the first thought that came to my mind was

Wow, people are so awesome nowadays, hahaha

This can be multi-tasked

I was critical before

But now when I see my own thoughts

I found out

I seem to be in this whole state

I saw a different one

This is really dangerous

Then his business is none of my business

But in my head

I rarely have this state anymore

Oh

But I just wanted to respond to that teacher

He was just talking about experiencing that loss

Only then can you return to that present moment

It was a while ago

One day when I was watering the flowers downstairs

I suddenly opened a God's perspective

I saw a certain moment in the past

I had been avoiding myself

Then that day I opened it

I actually saw that all of a sudden I was squatting in that toilet

Crying uncontrollably

Just wow, those tears were really uncontrollable

I kept crying and crying and crying

Crying while watering the flowers

Crying while sinking into the water

And the crying is completely unstoppable

You ask me why you are crying

I don’t know

But I just can’t stop crying

But I have to be honest

After experiencing that time

I understand myself

Deeper

More again

My anger towards myself and some people

has really reduced a lot

Otherwise, in fact, for me

he has always been stuck in that place

For me, uh, for about twenty or thirty years

I feel like I have been stuck in that place

I was stuck at that level

The anger I got stuck was very big

Then I felt that there was a lot of resentment inside it

Many, many

But at that moment

I opened that thing

Because there is actually a state of me

Me

I think I should know now that I look like that

But at the moment I am escaping

I face myself looking like that

Tingting, you have two amazing things here.

You know it is actually not easy for people to be aware

...

Well, you have just been the first

Although you may be aware in a certain state

You have an awareness

Maybe there are more states

But you can be aware in this state

I think the first one is very difficult

The second one is very difficult to admit this

Admit, for example, I admit my anger

I have anger

I want to admit this anger

I find it very difficult

Many times

we don’t want to admit or accept this state

and will run away

But you are really brave at this level

You are inside the iceberg

Well, like me

When I am talking to others

I often encounter this state

For example, when I was in a workshop

, this is what he also said.

A very classic

is to experience it

Like I just said about experiencing the feeling of boredom

But it is very simple for me to say it like this

What is the feeling of experiencing boredom

This is very confusing to many people

Well

It is also difficult to understand

Understand

Otherwise there are many people who don’t feel it.

He is bored but he has no feeling

Yes, yes, I know, I know

Yes, yes, yes

He doesn’t know

He is bored

Yes

Even our subconscious is rejecting this feeling

We may not know

We shouldn’t

Yes, yes, yes

Then he, he

He also realizes that his head feels swollen

Yes

This is also very common for ordinary people

Swelling of the head

Cacking in the throat

What about this woman

She felt her head was swollen

Then she used my method to pay attention to herself

This is my home homework

When she came to hand in her homework the next day

Ask her if you pay attention to the bloated feeling

What is behind

Tell her a relaxed and open feeling comes in

But usually this feeling doesn’t last long

It will increase again

Yes, so we should do this action often

Then I said, do you like this feeling?

He said he was just confused

I said it felt relaxed and happy

Does he feel anything close to happiness?

He said yes, I said, do you like it

He was crying and shaking his head in this place

I don't like it

Don't dare

I asked him what is the reason why you don't like it

He suddenly became aware

If I am happy

What should my mother do

The feeling of unworthiness

Say to me

What's wrong with your mother

My mother left when she was 13 years old

He has been miserable all his life

If I am happy

Then he is not the only one

He won't

I betrayed him

Yes

But what this thing in the iceberg means is

Many of us don't know

Our body works like this

Then I asked him something

Tell me what you want to learn here

Is it to learn happiness or not

He said I want to learn happiness.

But you know

He will never get it

Because his inner conflict with his happiness

would betray his mother

I later saw this thing in many

structures of icebergs

That is to say, the inner contradictions

are really unclear

So I just mentioned the part about Tingting

that is not clear at all

But you can notice that it is difficult

2

Be willing to see and admit

That requires courage

You may not know

That is really difficult

What we learned

The iceberg I learned was later integrated into quantum

It was the direction of quantum that was integrated

into some structures of the brain nerves

into the meditation methods we just mentioned

I integrated it with the iceberg

He developed something that is very good to me

...

It is a dialogue pair

This is what he does in the dialogue

So I said it’s difficult to do it by myself

But when doing dialogue

Because his details and context are very clear

It will be easier to open when he brings it in

There will be at least two people going back and forth like this

Well, he usually comes like this

Let the little things in our minds

I will not always be inertial

Will not always be led

To him, he is

There is another one that breaks through these disintegrations

The way to think about me is to enter into the feelings

Tingting, please answer

Give it a try

If I don't accept

will it have a bad influence

Yes

If I accept

Will it have a good influence

Definitely

It's just that you can't do it, right

I'm

I can't do it

I'm not satisfied

Are you willing to do it

I usually ask like this

This is quantum, otherwise

What if I say yes

Okay, I just need to ask if you are willing to do this.

Are you willing?

Yes

Are you willing?

The so-called willingness

is to be willing to accept the self that cannot do it.

Be willing to accept the self that cannot do well.

Be willing to go. I will tell the person to take a deep breath

...

...

...

...

and then I will ask him

Say a few words

I said this in the audio

I will let them say it after me

But Tingting, you can also try

because you are not in the situation now

But you can also let us talk about this thing

I will start from now

I will start from now

What you said is very gay

It's so fake and fake

True and false

It doesn't matter, let's just pretend.

I'm just demonstrating to you

It's called energy guidance

There is a source in it

There is a direction

But many people don't know it

There is a direction that can be used as guidance

It starts from here

So we have just confirmed whether you are willing or not

Because many times we don't even say yes.

Can't tell

Yes or unwilling to say

Then this matter has been going around in circles

So is unwilling to be an easier way to say it

Many people say unwilling

It’s better to be right

Yes is easier

It is easier to explain

Regarding the current situation or state

Yes, many people are unwilling

But he is unwilling to reflect it

Yes, but then go and see it

It turns out that your body, mind and muscles are not willing

Then tell me why you came to me

If you came to me to talk about this problem

You want to solve it, don’t you

That’s right

I didn’t ask you to do it

Yes, I just asked you if you are willing.

And I just asked you if you are willing.

I just found out that you asked me to say yes.

You know there is a certain part in my heart.

...

...

...

...

...

...

This willing block

Really

We will keep talking to you

You are unwilling because you were a child, you

You were asked to

You were beaten

You were abused

You are lonely, so you

There is a your and your habit in it

I understand

Because you know that you are unwilling

Then you can express that anger

Yes, yes, so if I am Tingting

I have an evaluation here

Of course I am talking nonsense

I will let go of your anger

Let your anger flow completely

Because that energy will often make us irritable

Restless and frustrated

We just lack reasonable guidance

So when we ask if you are willing

In fact, we are asking you if you are willing to love me

Oh

How can you not love yourself

Why are you not even satisfied with this?

Then you are unwilling to accept it

When you were treated like this when you were a child

Did you expect others to love you

But you didn't get it

You have grown up today

Why are you unwilling to go back and love yourself like this

Can't accept yourself for not doing well

Why do you criticize yourself

We will use this dialectical method

Understand

Slowly let your willingness be opened

Understand

I don’t know if Tingting can understand

I completely understand

So but I have been thinking about it

If I am in this kind of conversation

In such an angry situation

Because every word you just said

will be based on my anger

I will keep resisting

Oops

You can be angry

Tingting If I were your interlocutor and companion

I would tell you

Who are you angry about

It doesn't matter who you are when you are angry

Including me

I will tell him that you are angry Tingting, are you angry?

If so

How could this happen

Yes, if so

I don't understand why you want to be angry

This is our subconscious

What you don't see in the iceberg

He will ask it through a conversation

I will ask you what is Angry Tingting

Well, you can’t accept someone who can’t do well.

Is she someone

Assume that I don’t know Tingting’s life experience now

You can’t accept

A person who grew up in the circle of some

worthless men

You have so many demands on this girl

Her loneliness

Her her kind of pain

You don’t want to understand

You can’t accept

What is that for?

I will open his consciousness in this place

Is it right for this Tingting

Don't you have a little more tolerance and love

Even if he can't do anything well

Can he not

Is he useful and worthy of your love

If possible

He will never give up because of this

Isn't that right

Then why do you have to scold him

I want him to be willing

Because that is the way we really go to the present

So I just said when talking to you

what is the present

the present

You can experience a living energy

That broad

deep one is life

We have ignored the essence of life in order to survive since childhood

...

This is what I later brought to experience from satir Toler

Yes, so what if we just said

What Tingting just told me

If there really is this part

Ah, so you are so serious

Tingting is not satisfied with herself, you

You still don't want to see yourself

Don't accept it

Uh-oh

Isn't this bad for Tingting

Because Tingting never doesn't want to work hard

Even if she rests, she will move forward

Then I will ask Tingting

When will you stop loving Tingting?

Acceptance

It’s not easy to talk about me just this afternoon

Everyone told me that it’s not easy and it’s hard

Talk about accepting yourself

We all just ask if you are willing to accept yourself

Do you want to accept yourself

Stop

When you stop, you also ask if you are willing to accept yourself

Willing or not

I really want to say yes

But I don't know why I can't say it

I will ask the thing behind

Who is telling you that you can't do it

Come up

This conversation will last for a long time

I will go to see who is saying no

I will go to see who is here to say no

Who doesn't allow you to do this

So why do we often talk

to a deep level

He often has a lot of adventures

and is opened up

A lot of sadness

A lot of hurt and anger come in

So we are all serving life

Life is to serve you

Right

You don’t even serve yourself

Who else are you begging to treat you well

Don’t be willing to be kind to yourself

I didn’t call you lazy

I just asked you if you can accept it

We will work here

Do it later

He probably will be like this in my work

It will be the client who will say I am willing

But I can't do it

I said it doesn't matter

You have to buy a ticket

You want to go to Taipei

You have to buy a high-speed rail ticket in Taipei

You buy a train ticket

You can buy a ticket from United Federation of Trade Unions

Or you can come by bicycle

You always have a direction

You won’t say I’m going to Taipei

But I’m going to buy a ticket to Kaohsiung

Many of us live like this

You actually want to be accepted

Be loved but you are abusing yourself

If you don’t accept yourself

Then you will always have a lot of entanglements here

Come in if you have entanglements

I think this

I think the problem for most people now should be

I don’t know what I want

I don’t know where I want to go

So now it is easiest to ask from the bottom

...

Well

If Tingting tells me

If you are willing

we will take an oath

Just like a marriage

So I just told you

The oath is me

I will start from now

But what you said is very false

It's fake, it means that you are far away from yourself

That means you are not really willing

There is no way

Right

I can't swear hahaha

It's okay Tingting, this is very interesting

Just say that we also showed a state

Just say that if I want

then I have a way

to be in that state

I want to be free

I have a way to be in a free state

Well, so

we will have a logical conversation

For example, the first question we just asked

do you want to be free?

You have to be loosened first

You give yourself so many unwelcome opinions and expectations

Doesn’t it have an impact on you

As long as you are willing to loosen your ties

Let’s start from here

Let’s embark on the road to untie yourself

[Chinese]

你不是說你今天學了一種溝通的技巧

你去外面

有一個流氓要來揍你

你就可以好好的跟他展現溝通

然後就沒事了

我在酒店當過少爺

我鄰居都幫派的

我弟弟妹妹小時候都被我揍的

他們小時候最大的願望就是...

我如果有一天死在外面多好

大二那年

我的鄰居去酒店圍事

就問我要不要去當少爺啊

Hank哥啊

你來啊 小弟啊

今仔日甲你準備一個水果盤

只有你來才有的別人都沒有

哈哈哈

你看你今天帶婷婷姐來對吧

面子攏有啊

場面攏出來啊

哈哈哈

其實我是非常痛苦的

在30歲以前

我覺得人生對我而言

我覺得很無奈

我覺得有一個東西是打開這個結構的

打開這個無奈的結構

打開那個你頭腦知道

但身體做不到的這個結構

我去了

那是我人生最重要的一個決定

沒有之一

這裡是只能喝酒的圖書館

一個出租成見 探索未知的地方

冰山理論呢啊

它有分七八層嘛

從行為然後開始感受

感受的感受

然後一直到你的渴望

然後再到自我

中間還有一些我落掉了

但是

你要怎麼從你的行為觀察到你的自我

你覺得你的嚴肅是一種行為

還是一種自我

它是一種狀態

這個狀態比較像

是一種對這個世界的應對

應對的意思就是說你

我今天叫婷婷

婷婷看我一眼

對這就是你應對我嘛

對

我打你你

你跑掉了

比如說我們

我剛剛提到說

如果我在一個陌生的場域裡面

哎我可能不知道該怎麼去跟別

人相處內在會有一些發生

所以我的應對上面就 我們台語說

我就縮起來了

縮起來了

我也不知道怎麼辦就是

然後又不喜歡自己這樣

也不喜歡這個這個世界這樣

我我在猜

有一類孤獨的人應該很理解我的感覺

就說我不想自己這樣

也不想這個世界這樣

然後就覺得

心裡面就好像跟這個世界也過不去

跟自己也過不去

那那個狀態就變得很難搞

就我自己都感覺到

那個時候是一個非常難搞的狀態

okay

對那所以這就是一個

你剛問這是個哪一個層次

這就是我們表面上應對的層次

那如果說在期待上面

比如說冰山有個期待嘛

我也會想要跟別人融入

或者說我也會想要更安靜

都都是你可能有各種期待

可是這些期待

它就有一些東西是背反的

他剛好是相對反的

所以常常就會在一種矛盾的狀態

那你在那種狀態裡面

你常常也搞不懂自己

那那你會去

怎麼形容你自己是一個什麼樣的人呢

狗屁啊狗屁啊

嗯過去啦

過去你現在應該還可以感覺得到

過去的那種

我們這樣說遺跡是吧

就說遺跡

對就是你說曾經的過往

對對對你殘存

比如說我在酒店當過少爺你也看得到

我會有一種我鄰居都幫派的

可能在言談之中還是看得到那種

某某一個場域裡面

你看得到這種遺跡

嗯這種有有一點殺氣的感覺

殺氣倒沒有

因為我不是一個不是一個大哥

我是個俗仔啊

那所以他就

不是那種有殺氣的感覺

但是還是有那種調調

對你你在某些場域裡面感覺得出來

所以你剛問我

我就30年前的狀態

是有有這種混合式的這個狀態

而現在應該還有

但現在目前

幾乎在任何場合裡面

都會

都沒有這個狀態

都沒有這個感覺出來了

這感覺是不自在

我不在

對就我在這裡也不是在那裡也不是

我做這個也不是

做那個也不是

我我就都不想要

也不想要自己這樣

也不想要這個世界這樣

不然這種有

有一些人

我知道他能夠明白我說的

就是跟自己過不去

就是因為你以前當過少爺嘛

對然後你幫你的鄰居都是幫派

都是兄弟

對

可是我沒有感覺到說你講話有那種呀

底虧你以前有

現在不喜歡

如果要有我現在也可以

哈哈哈哈

我學薩提爾嘛哈

我弟弟來過這裡

我父親走的那一年是2015年

對

我的鄰居就是他

為了一堵牆

那個水會漏下來

對然後就是他家的水漏下來

因此我們家的水的那個房子

就會被他的水給潑到

對

那我父親之前就為了要把這個牆給

為了水不要潑下來

就把這個牆給竪高了

我們的圍牆

嗯

但這個圍牆一竪高

對方的那個水灌到我們家的圍牆

就會反射到他的窗戶裡面去

嗯

常常來常常來

argue嗯

就有一天

我父親就走了

嗯

就往生了

往生的那天的第二天

我回到家裡面

這鄰居的那個大嬸

又跑來跟我囉嗦這件事

嗯

就來囉嗦說啊

你家的水都

怎樣怎樣

你知道我弟弟

在旁邊我二話不說

我就XXXXXXXXXXXXX

馬上就來了 罵髒話

然後就一連串飆出來

我弟弟跟我說哎

你不是學薩提爾

哈哈哈

你不是學一致性

我說這個東西叫做不一致的一致

哈哈哈

也就是說

我此刻

那你會發明自己的

no no no no no

不一致的一致

是真的這樣的

就說比如說我們在冰山裡面

比如說我們說我們不要罵一個人啊

我我們在孩子出現了一個狀態

或者你的伴侶出現一個狀態

你的朋友

你你指責他

這就是指責者嘛

哈對啊

你不敢指責他

你只好做嗩

吶你就討好他

對哦

那你或者說你是一個邏輯清楚的

你只會跟他說道理

讓人家感覺很難親近

嗯或者說你只會拉塞

你也不想跟他好好的說話

這叫做四種應對姿態

oh那這四種有一個第五種

就是最好的表達

就是一般來講在Satya裡面講的

就是說最好的

就是我能夠跟你好好的溝通

那這有一個狀態

我們叫做一致

但是呃

我的老師曾經說過一句話蠻好的

他說這種好好的溝通

比如說假設你今天對我不禮貌

對我已經學過了

對那我可以

我可以用一個很好的方法

或者我的內心可以很持平的

很深刻的跟你做一個談話

一個交流

呃我是有這個能力的

那但薩提爾說你不需要一定要這樣

uh他說一致性

這叫一致嘛

哈我覺得這叫可愛

一致性他說是個選擇

是個規則

哈哈哈他說OK

那你要為你自己負責

所以我OK

我今天痛罵你

我罵你 後面有個代價啊

這代價可能就是你就不爽我了

或者你可能會說啊

你不是Satir的老師

對啊你怎麼可以罵人

對啊這就是個代價

你你可能會有個代價要去負責

那你只要願意付這個代價

你知道這是你要負責的

嗯OK

那你就可以選擇這種狀態

所以你在譙的那個當下

你已經後面全部都想完了

沒有沒有

哈哈哈哈哈哈

人很難哦

這個不用想啊

因為這是個慣性

我不需要人不用活的

這麼就是我們學的

這個並不是說讓你人活的很累了啊

就說他

他能夠讓你能夠越來越瞭解你的狀態

是什麼狀態

所以我就想罵他

我父親走了

對一個人來我家囉里八嗦還來

哎 我家

有死人呢

哎有人來你家

還來跟你吵一個10年前的事

一直在吵的事情

可能重新來

我可能還是訐譙他

對

我還是三字經又來

所以我弟弟跟我說啊

你不是學Satir

我說這叫不一致的一致

哈哈哈哈是真的是這真

那他聽完以後什麼反應

他當時可能還不知道真的有不一致的

一致的這個說法

他只是說話都你在說

哈哈哈

猜應該是這樣

就跟我剛剛反應一樣

哈哈哈對對對

但但但是實際上真的是這樣

比如說比如說

你不是說你今天學了這個

學了一種溝通的技巧

你去外面有一個流氓要來揍你

嗯啊你就可以好好的跟他展現溝通

然後就沒事了

嗯他這麼不講理

你可能要捍衛自

己你可能他揍你

你可能要揍他

嗯你可能要保護小孩

對所以你就會還擊

還擊就是指責

就是打擊嗎

對你怎麼可能

都是非常非常的說

哎好好的說話

我覺得不太可能

有點走火入魔了

我覺得是

是所以很多人在學這個

我們只是多了一點對

比如說我們學一個溝通的方式

是對自己有更多的瞭解

當然對世界也更多的瞭解

所以你擁有更多的選擇

人其實常常沒有選擇啦

比如說今天

今天一個孩子

或者你一個伴侶的一句話

你很輕易的就會被勾動

你不想罵他

你就訐譙他了

那這個東西就是你沒有選擇

可是當你當你學了以後

其實往往還是沒有選擇

因為你學了以後

你不想罵他

可是你還是罵

因為你的身心的肌肉都在這裡反應

嗯過去的經驗嘛

就說習慣了

習慣就是就是

慣性就是你大腦知道不要

可是你的身心肌肉還是會反應

所以你還是會

所以人的自由變得非常的困難

來自於這裡

因為我們很難用我們所謂的一致

congruence或者consistent

就你的頭腦跟你的身心說

是一個同樣狀態的

我覺得非常難

所以在我們學這個東西

它說到底哈

它有一個最終的東西

就是你能不能夠更好地連接自己

或者說一般世俗的話來說

就是能不能更好的瞭解自己

嗯啊

比如說我隨便舉個例子啊

就是說你想要

但是你卻做不出來的狀態

或者說冰山的真正意涵

剛剛婷婷說到那個是冰山嘛

哈

你你看這個

冰山有沒有更

有沒有更深邃一點

有沒有更抽象一點

有一對夫妻

我們一起吃飯

吃飯的時候他們兩個常吵架

兩個吵架了以後

就老婆就冷戰

就常不說話

那老公就說就哎

那個我老婆每次跟我吵架都冷戰

不講話

他說阿健老師

這怎麼辦

我就問這個男人說

你告訴我

你想要什麼

我第一個問的都是你要什麼

因為

很多人都其實不知道自己要什麼

或者說他要的

跟他所做的根本都是相反的

完全是背道而馳的

有很多時候都是這樣的

搞不清楚他最終想要去哪裡

對他他沒有想過這個事

沒想過所以你想想看

不知道那個那個Hank

有沒有跟別人冷戰過

有沒有跟跟親人吵架過

一定有啊

不可能沒有

所以吵架的時候

或者說你的親密關係的人

或者你的朋友

他跟你冷戰了

對

你如果也很苦惱

你也可以問問自己

你想要什麼

嗯對

我就問這個男人

你想要什麼

想要什麼

哎他就很快速的跟我說

我當然是想要跟他溝通啊

我想要好好跟他說話

我說那你你的意思就是說

你想要怎麼

你要問我

你怎麼樣才能夠跟他好好說話

對嗎嗯

他說對嗯

我說你告訴我

他不跟你說話了

你內心有沒有任何的發生

他說有啊

我很生氣啊

那我問他

這個生氣有沒有阻礙了你跟他的溝通

他說當然有啊

嗯我說

所以按照邏輯來說

你應該先面對你的生氣

嗯你想要面對你的生氣

讓你這個生氣能夠比較不生氣

然後使得

你可以跟他這樣說話嗎

這個男人馬上跟我說我不願意

哈哈哈哈哈哈

那我問他你怎麼會不願意呢

哈哈哈

他的第二句話就是告訴我阿健老師

我從來沒有想過這個問題

你你現在看到這個

這個邏輯的概念就是說

他想要跟對方說話

這是一個期待

對可是他更深的一個期待就是

潛藏在冰山下面的是

他還有另外一個期待

對我也不想不願意為了你

來看看我的生氣

那個相形之下有個觀點

可能是我委屈了自己

對

怎麼不是你

怎麼是我

憑什麼是我

憑什麼是我

可是你剛剛告訴我的是他在冷戰

他在不說話

那我要怎麼跟他說話

對

你問我你要怎麼跟他說話

你得面對這個啊

你不要面對的

你這件事情說的都是白說

所以在關係的發生裡面

很多時候它的冰山的意思就是說

你其實沒有看到

你沒看到自己內在有個發生

你以為你還都是他的問題

都是他的不是欸

他不講話的就勾動你了欸

然後他一般的男人就會這樣跟我說

誰叫他要不先說先不說話的

嗯甜甜

你有跟人家冷戰過嗎

每天哈哈哈

他一天到晚你有沒有過一個

你有沒有過一個狀態

跟人家冷戰的時候人家要跟你說話

或者就把你給弄拉住

就是比如說你背對著他

對你跟他冷戰

他把你轉過來

要轉你過來跟他說話

然後你又轉回去

有這個經驗嗎

或者知道有這樣的人嗎

沒有啊

你沒有啊

因為通常看到我連醜都不敢接近我

有如

果你去碰他的話他會說不要碰我

對有對有這樣的狀態

他會說我有我有印象啊

就說就說

是來來不及轉過來啊只要一哈

哈哈

所以你你看啊

轉都轉不過來

就是你在冷戰的時候

別人只要一想要跟你靠近你就排拒了

對

嗯

那我們就問這個冷戰的人對想要什麼

在關係裡面想要什麼

有想要別人來靠近你嗎

有想要別人瞭解你嗎

瞭解我覺得有可是當下沒有哎

當下沒有

當下完全因為我氣頭上來的時候

完全失去理智

應該是沒有辦法思考

完全無法完全沒有辦法思考

那個怒火中燒當下無法思考

所以也不是不想思考嘛

也不是

可是我自己我覺得理解是有的

我希望別人理解我

那我就會自己先冷靜過後再找他講話

可是在我還沒有找他講話之前

我是不願意講話的

因為太怒了我根本無法思考

如果是這個狀態的人

在Satir的說法裡面

這個狀態的人

通常都是小時候經歷過家庭的衝突

爸爸媽媽常吵架

所以通常

天吶

就是因為

天吶

老師你是算命的吧

哈哈哈哈

他們都這樣說

這真的是腦神經科學了

所以他們就會分開

也太厲害了

不是因為Ting剛剛提供訊息啦

哦因為我今天沒有給你八字吧

哈哈哈哈哈哈這樣就會知道

對啊

所以我們現在就知道說那個

事出必有因嘛

這個你的太神了

哦因為真的我不想衝突嘛

我我只要一講話我就衝突

對所以這為所以你知道為什麼在

氣頭上反而冷戰

這個狀態的人

你往背後的冰山再去看

你就會瞭解

他小時候經歷過那種衝突

對害怕破壞關係

對所以他就選擇僵在那裡不說話

來避免衝突

其實他的背後是一個善意的啦

他背後是一個很大的善意

但但那是小時候他帶來的

他此時此時此刻

他只能夠做這樣的表達

對那

可是當然

這個狀態是他自己也不一定知道

說我其實是不想衝突的

我只要一說話我就罵人

對我也沒辦法表述給別人知道

所以我只能夠用這種方法停在那裡

那往往在親密關係裡面的另外一個人

在那個時候他很挫折

有些人會很挫折

懂

然後不懂

他怎麼為什麼老是這樣

嗯老師講的就是我

嗯

哈哈我但我有跟你說

我說我想好了

我再跟你講

對對他有一個他有一個厲害的點

他知道他的底線在哪裡

他說我現在講

不要講我們先冷靜一下

對然後過一陣

他就會來找我討論這個事情

因為好幾次嘛

所以我就會先說我現在先不說

因為我覺得我講出來都是氣話

對對哦

但我也好無法好好說話

反正就先停在這裡

不過Ting你還是非常厲害的

嗯

很多的人

他生氣了

他就不講話了

人家怎麼問他都說不出來

嗯

他也不會跟他說我等一下再跟你講

你讓我冷靜一下

對所以

我們通常會跟很多的關係裡面的人說

假使你跟別人吵架

而你習慣冷戰

建議冷戰之前跟對方說

我現在沒有辦法說話

你給我兩個小時

你最好

把時間說出來

或者你給我半天

你喊個暫停啊對對

你你起碼這個

但很多時候連這個暫停都說不出來了

但我覺得練習一下

也許會在關係裡面

越來讓別人越瞭解你

剛老師講到一個東西我覺得蠻有趣

就是好像其實人很多時候

不管是遇到衝突或遇到挫折

或遇到什麼東西

他很多時候他生氣的一個部分是

我不知道要怎麼自處這件事情

我覺得這個部分

是大家都很多時候沒有感感覺到的

因為大家都想說啊

就是他很糟糕

他很凶或者他什麼

但其實很多時候

是因為我不知道在這個狀態下

我到底要怎麼辦

對因為有些時候不知道如何自處

他裡面有幾個結構出現了

是比如說我就不想對你生氣啊

可是我一說出來我就生氣了啊

那我我很難做

對第二個卡住了

我其實在生氣

對

可是我又討厭我自己在生氣啊

對對對對對對對對

那你是有其實有時候有這個成分對你

你

但這個東西

如果你用一種流行的說法來說

或者心理學的說法

就是你兩邊都被綁住了

對

這也是一種某種程度的雙重束縛了

可你兩個被綁住了嘛

那怎麼辦呢

接納自己會生氣啊

這個先打開來

那其實他就不會這麼贏了

對因為我有時候會覺得說我是

我應該是一個脾氣不錯的人呢

然後我要生氣的時候

我就會就會卡住

你知道嗎

就會覺得說哎

我是不應該生氣

但我現在不生氣我又很很難過

就覺得渾身不對

勁

這樣子我就就會卡在那個那那個氣

有時候不是氣真的氣別人

有時候是氣自己

現在我不知道要怎麼辦這樣子

其實人的結構很簡單的

人的結構很簡單

我以前沒有想過這些東西

我是學了這個冰山以後我越來越瞭解

因為我本來脾氣也不好嘛

對我脾氣是很差勁的

看得出來

看得出來

還是有這個東西嘛

對對那有些時候自己也不想

比如說我弟弟妹妹小時候都被我揍的

我弟弟來是不是讓我們說這件事

有嗎有

他們他們小時候最大的願望就是

我如果有一天死在外面多好

我我真我真的是

你弟弟覺得你很嚴格

他他

他說的太保守了啊

我以前真揍他

他小我5歲啊

為什麼揍他

因為我自己偷偷跑出去玩

哈哈哈哈

要他在家裡孝順父母

哈哈哈哈哈哈哈

這個還蠻好笑的哈哈哈

爸爸太老了

那我沒有辦法滿足爸爸的期待

我覺得爸爸很慘嘛

那總得有人孝順嘛

就弟弟妹妹孝順

所以你是比較任性的那一個

任性哦我是我是

你弟弟比起來

是因為我沒有辦法考試考得好

功課很差

所以就知道多讓爸爸灰心

所以

讓爸爸媽媽滿意的事情就交給讓爸爸

讓爸爸滿意的就交給重一老師

對就希望弟弟能夠好好的讀書

然後他一不賭我就揍他

哈哈哈原來可以這樣揍

妹妹也是啊

妹妹也是

所以所以我以前很糟糕了

那那我也不喜歡自己這樣

但也沒辦法

所以以前

我30歲以前啊

我會覺得人生歸納起

來就兩個字嗯

無奈

你講的道理我都知道啊

我做不到啊

你長那麼漂亮有什麼用

我做不到哦

所以我非常沮喪

這個聽起來是最無奈的事情

對就是道理都懂

但就是做不到

對哇這個聽起來很很沮喪哎

我們周邊畫一公里好多人這樣

哈哈哈

我後來才明白這怎麼回事嘛

對

就是你頭腦

知道到底是頭腦嗎

對

你的身心肌肉就還存在過去的狀態

啊啊

比如說我有一次去演講

我我在一個女中演講

一個小女生坐在我前面

我走到那個過道上面走過去

那小女生看到我來就整個人往後閃

然後我蹲下來她就哭了

後來同學紛紛去問她怎麼了

我說你別問了別問了

然後這件事情我就說給所有的人聽

想一下

為什麼這個女生看到我一走過來

她身體就往後閃

嗯

在邏輯上來說

我猜一他可能被男生欺負過

欺負啊

2他可能被老師罵過

3他可能被權威

嗯哦

這這合理的解釋

嗯所以他有一個肌肉的反射動作

這個老師明明白白在講台上

他第一次見他

嗯

也不可能對他做什麼

嗯他頭腦應該知道啊

嗯身體就會有這個反應啊

這個反應一顯現的

就是他的肌肉的動作

所以一個受家暴的

一個在某種環境長大的

他就會看到某一個很類似的東西

他就會升起他身心的肌肉的反應

而這個東西並不是你的認知知道

你就能夠改變所以

我很會帶戒煙

你們知道

你會帶戒煙

我我帶高值的戒煙呢

我帶戒煙八成

戒煙成功

一年不復煙

你想這個問題

抽煙的人他都知道我不要抽煙對吧

對我不抽煙做不到啊

頭腦這就是最典型的你頭腦知道

但你的身體就會想要抽

所以你就會去拿煙來抽

所以我我當時在30歲以前

我覺得人生對我而言

我不瞭解這個東西的時候

我覺得很無奈

我覺得我都知道別再講這些廢話

嗯所以我不太愛去聽那些道理

我覺得很煩

嗯啊一則也是我做不到

這個很很特別

因為我身邊就有一個我很好的朋友

他就我小時候

他每次在跟我討論什麼東西

然後我就跟他講

一個一個我自己的想法

然後他就我我記得我常記得他跟我說

你不要跟我講

那個網絡上就查得到的東西

然後你說的那些我都知道

我就是做不到

對我

我現在可能最厲害的就是

如何讓這個變成做到啊

就我後來做這個工作

我本來沒有要做這個工作嘛

就我的工作我剛可能沒介紹

就我大學考五年嘛

然後我鄰居都是台中的幫派的嘛

然後大學考五年了以後

我做過泥水匠嘛

哈貨櫃搬運的

工廠的包裝的

大學的時候去做服務員

大二那年我的鄰居去酒店當圍事保鏢

然後就問我要不要去當少爺啊

我就去了

可以理解

我5我少爺當了五六年了

一直當到28歲

大學都畢業了

我還在當少爺

因為我不知道我要做什麼

嗯

想做的

又當年少年少爺的工作內容是什麼

遞毛巾

啊毛巾或者是

對然後拿冰塊然後切

弄那個水果盤還是什麼的對對對

比如說那個Hank嗎

嗯Hank哥

啊呀呀啊你來啊

啊你來啊

小弟仔

今仔日幫你準備一個水果盤

只有你來才有的

別人哈哈哈

你看你今天帶婷婷姐來

面子攏有啊

場面攏出來啊

哈哈

你等一下

我要去給你安排真的

哇塞

安排小姐呢

不是安排小姐啊

對

你要聽這一段

這一part都很可愛

我做過的酒店裡面有做傳統店

制服店 300暢飲店

我做過很多種不同類型的酒店

那他做類型不同的酒店

他在裡面的那個狀態就全然不一樣

但其實我是非常痛苦的

我是非常痛苦的

我的我們酒店的公主跟少爺

在我那個年代

民國79年

一個公主一個月

我最記得他們一個月可以賺五六十萬

okay哦

民國79年一1990年

小費賺60萬

哦

每常常都要破2萬啊

um一天破兩萬啊

一天破兩萬

嗯建哥你破兩萬唄

我破兩千都啊不會

哈哈哈

因為我是嘴巴不敢講的人

內在有衝突啊

我想賺錢

嗯

我拉不下這個臉

so我我常很恨自己

我幹嘛來

我不應該來這裡

因為我不喜歡這裡

因為那裡目睹過好幾次

客人死了嘛

小姐也死了嘛

開槍

開槍開槍

那個你比如說你

很有名的

你們年輕一輩可能不知道

你台州人可能知道

像普羅酒店100多槍啊

我朋友就就在裡面啊

所以當時在那個環境下面

我常覺得我為什麼在這裡

可是我想要錢吶

因為我不知道我要做什麼

爸爸叫我去教書嘛

我不喜歡教書就是我不想當一個

每天上班下班的老師就很不喜歡

當時還不用考教師證

那所以我就在裡面去賺這個錢

錢賺的也算不少

比他們

不不比他們少一個月有七八萬

哦就哦

那也是很多那個時候也是很多

對很多那

所以我我整個人的那個內在的衝突

一直在裡面

斷斷續續的

一下子去上班

一下子又不上了不上就沒有錢

然後又覺得說

我我我還是要去賺錢

賺了以後又覺得我幹嘛一直在這裡

我不知道各位嗯

兩位知不知道

那種狀態就是很矛盾很衝突

覺得自己沒有選擇

很痛苦就對了

那種痛苦真的是你每天活著都覺得說

哎我怎麼會活在這個世界上

所以我覺得人生就很無奈

就是這樣

so很糾結很複雜

然後又看到那些客人來就是那種面貌

啊就是你

哎我這樣講也不太好

最色的最那個的

反而是那種最老實的職業的人

嗯平常比較壓抑的人對對對

現在現在懂了

就說哦原來是他們的壓抑最就最色的

對最傀儡的

哈哈就是小動作最多

對然後亂摸

剛婷婷問我說啊你在那裡面要帶小姐

對我們向小姐裡面又看到那些小姐

有的都很可憐

嗯

真的很可憐

所以我就覺得說哈他們怎麼怎麼

這個世界上還有這樣的紳士

我最記得有一個女孩子

這個女孩子反正藝名講了沒關係啊

她叫安安

身高150公分

嗯

像個矮冬瓜嗯身上還有狐臭

以前我我不是醜化他我是說我對他

的印象是這樣

他們他有兩個小孩

嗯

好像失婚了吧

然後就是沒有婚姻的酒店

衝刺的這些人

那時候我當時在那個地方

我也同情心比較泛濫的人

所以常常做不下去

會覺得說啊

這個地方太痛苦了

嗯所以辛苦的地方

辛苦的地方

那自己不想

可是又偏偏又在那裡

你看這就是矛盾

我又想賺錢

but我又卻又拉不下身段來

那你這人就不要不要活好了

你自己選擇的

但你問我

我我真不知道

我怎麼會變成這樣

但如果我現在哈

我現在快60了嘛

哈

我重新回來到二十幾歲的那個狀態

我來跟這個二十幾歲的李崇建

對話一下

我應該很有把握

可以可以

理解他也讓他讓當年的我

比較能夠在那個環境裡面更順利一點

那你有對話過嗎

我們不推自己跟自己對話

不推

因為你自己跟自己對話

都走到一個小我的格局

也就是說你自己自言自語

或自己跟自己講

你知道了又怎樣

其實沒有用的

什麼意思

就算你已經理出一個道理了

我知道我不要

我剛拿抽煙來說我不要抽煙

我知道啊

但我忍不住啊

那我要怎麼辦呢

你講到最後就是這樣而已

你常常很多的東西你都知道

可是你其實做不到

你你只好很無奈的說就做不到

我也知道啊

就又回到那個圈子里來了

所以我如果剛剛這樣介紹的話

可見在對話的層次裡面

有一個東西是打開這個結構的

打開這個無奈的結構

打開那個你頭腦知道

但身體做不到的

這個結構

也就是說

有一個東西可以打

有一個對話的方法可以打開這個東西

但並不是自己跟自己對話

還有第二個就是說

自己跟自己對話的路徑裡面

你很難去瞭解

比如說我們剛說的那對吵架的夫妻

嗯

對我問他

那你太太冷戰了

你會有發生嗎

有生氣嗎

有

這個生氣有阻礙你跟他的溝通嗎

有

因為你告訴我你要跟他溝通而生氣

阻礙了你們兩個的溝通

所以你想要去處理這個生氣嗎

他說我不要

光這個對話的模式裡面

這個對話的模式裡面就有一條路徑

這個路徑就是這個邏輯

要走到這裡來

自說自話

一不容易達到

你很難走到這裡來

哦你要透過跟別人的對話

好這是第一個

但最難的不是這個

最難的是第二個

如果他說我願意去面對我的生氣對

那該做什麼呢

我會接下來告訴他

你深呼吸

想象你太太跟你冷戰的時候

你感到生氣的感覺

我會邀請她

請你跟自己說

我願意接納

我是生氣的

很多人不知道

他其實不接納他是生氣的

接納不等於認同

也就是說我不同意

我在跟關係的人裡面

我可能罵了他

或者是我對他生氣

我們可能認為這是不妥的

這叫認同

嗯可是我可以接納啊

接納的意思就是說

接納不等於認同

就是我不認同一個人犯罪

可是我可以接納一個人犯罪

比如說你去犯罪

一定你不是

有你的原因

你不可能不是故意的

比如說你是一個小偷

你看到你就想偷

你可能不一定你想透

可是你作為一個人

你有這個經驗

你被綁住了

你的良知

沒有辦法在這個地方操縱你的身心

嗯何謂接納自己生氣呢

你接納自己生氣了

你就不會在潛意識里

面對自己生氣這件事

而感到生氣了

這就是婷婷剛剛說的感受的感受

哦啊

所以

其實有時候生氣是一個表象的生氣

有時候生氣是因為因為我生氣了

所以我很生氣

對對

你對Hank說對

就是我生氣了

我氣我自己

為什麼要生氣

對其實這是潛意識的

哇這個很deep懂

老師你為什麼就是從酒店離開以後

你是酒店離開以後就進入這個

沒有沒有

我的輔導的一個大姐叫姚華

他今年往生了哈

這大姐是姚華

他去上了一個課叫Satir的課

他常常講Satir裡面發生的事

我就覺得匪夷所思

就人怎麼可以這樣改變

人怎麼會怎麼

那個狀態a怎麼牽涉到的是狀態b啊

比如說呃

婷婷如果是冷戰

我剛說那可能小時候

可我們只能用可能

不能百分百可能

小時候就看了很多的爭吵

那內心不想要爭吵

所以長大了以後

學會了用冷戰來面對世界

冷戰還有第二個

最常出現的是

小時候爸爸或媽媽有一個離婚了

或者是死亡了

以這個方式離開的嗯

那

所以這這個人很容易冷戰

這是他們在歸納的說法

只能說用歸納不一定百分百準確

對就說他們歸納的這些東西

然後老師再去印證的時候

就覺得非常的荒謬

說怎麼會這樣那

當時張耀華老師跟我說這些

我都把他當故事聽

我覺得好神哦

神到

我覺得我的老師裝逼們怎麼這麼神

然後有一天

像我們剛剛那樣

對是不是剛剛那不神啊

哈哈哈

對然後有一天貝曼老師來台中演講

兩天的然後學校就問我說哎

你要不要去

兩天2,000塊

學校補助1,000塊

重點是那個補助1,000塊

哈哈哈還有一個重點

那個拜六拜日

我們是一個禮拜六禮拜日要上課

一個禮拜六禮拜日放假

那個禮拜六禮拜日是要上課

哦哦哦

我可以公假去聽

所以1,000塊

我去了那是我人生到目前為止

最重要的一個決定

沒有之一

就最重要的對

那個決定就是我去聽了

我哭兩天呢

我不知道有人可以這樣說話

就說我的老師

講一點點理論就不廢話了

現場找一個人上來對話

那個對話的人我都記得

他的名字叫什麼

今天我都記得

我只見過他那一次

我印象太深刻了

我覺得這個人腦袋是孔古力嗎

我都很想罵他

就說我覺得很僵化

因為我老師完全都不生氣

也不懊惱

很緩慢就這樣慢慢的帶

慢慢的帶

我全身激動

我那個激動是因為

啊

說話可以這樣哦

我這麼愛我爸爸

我老跟他吵架

我爸爸跟我講三句話

我就跟他吵了

嗯我受不了

吵了以後我就離開家

我就跟自己說

我我發誓我再也不要跟他吵

他老了我怎麼可以這麼不孝

下定決心準備好自己再回到家

沒多久就破功

我我永遠都這樣離開回

來離開歸來

就是沒辦法好好講

沒辦法啊

我最後只好定義自己

我就是這樣的人

這個世界這麼糟糕

可是我的老師怎麼可以這樣講話

就說我

我不知道有人可以這樣講話

就是我這樣的形容的

意思就是說

如果有一個人

比如說

那天我跟那個那個宣傳一起來嘛

哈宣傳

我邀他來上我的工作坊

那天有一個

我問夫妻之間有沒有問題的

有問題的

現在現場上來

我們來示範怎麼叫做溝通

然後有一個太太上來

這個太太說

我老公永遠都不給我買房子

他答應我要買房子

後來就不買了

然後我們兩個為這個吵架吵好幾年了

我說那上來我們來教怎麼溝通

我跟現場所有的人說

你們來扮演先生

跟他溝通

不能答應他買房子

不管他說什麼都不可以答應

對

我的意思並不是說

老公不要答應老婆買房子

對而是說在這場溝通裡面

你不能答應

不能答應

因為你答應了老婆就沒事了嘛

對同意吧

對

很多的人都以為溝通就是說服說服

呃說服

或者說溝通就是你滿足我的期待

或我滿足你的期待

這叫溝通

錯那不是溝通

溝通是瞭解彼此

誒

原來我們欠缺真正瞭解彼此的能力

嗯

從剛剛那個我說那個冷戰的夫妻來說

原來那個老公也欠缺瞭解自己的能力

他不知道自己生氣了

嗯知道自己生氣要照顧自己的生氣

他反而不願意

原來我不瞭解我自己

那我如果不瞭解自己

我怎麼可以跟想要去瞭解另外一

個人因為我在另外一個人身上

他說兩句話我就受傷啊

他說兩句話我就生氣啊

我就不想理他

所以如果你想要跟另外一個人溝通

那麼可見

你起碼得有一部分

是要稍微瞭解自己的

所以當天我就下了這個樣的一個命令

就是一個規則

不能答應他

不能滿足他的期待

進行一場溝通

嗯這個媽媽說

不可能

只要不答應我買房子

我就不可能跟你真正的溝通

我說沒關係啊

還有我啊

我要扮演老公啊

哈哈哈哈

大家都說不可能啊

因為原來我們大家誤解了溝通的意涵

我們誤解了原來溝通

其實我們的內在的底層有一個潛意識

原來溝通就是要別人滿足我

或者我要滿足你

好像那件事情才算是溝通完成

不是哎

是理解我跟理解你

真的那

但是我們說這個理解

這個狀態有威力這麼大嗎

就這麼大

嗯所以後來他們都不行嘛

又換我來了嘛

幾句話他就不行了

他老婆就哭了

後來老婆就在中間就說了一句話

說老師

我不知道還有這樣溝通的方法哈

嗯好

現在我剛剛這樣的表達

各位就可以知道

我當年看到貝曼的那個溝通

對我而言有多震撼的

就是我

我不知道人可以這樣苟同

就說

原來這才叫做苟同

我要這個

我想學所以我當時就花了

當時我存款只有快10萬

我花了6萬塊

我走的時候我還很暈呢

我想我是被直銷的洗腦了嗎

這我一般不太會被洗腦啊

就很很很有主見的人

很固執的人不太會

被洗腦怎麼我會去交了這6萬塊

但這6萬塊我交了以後

這是我人生最重要的決定

沒有之一

就是我學了以後

我是從那個時候開始

我才瞭解

哦

人是怎麼回事

人是怎麼回事

那人要怎麼改變我以前只是知道

但做不到的東西

那他可以透過什麼東西

來改變這個狀態

如果剛剛那個先生

願意去處理自己的憤怒

那麼在冰山的理論裡面

有一關

比如說我在52周音頻帶的就這個

就會教他這樣做

請你深呼吸

跟自己說我感到生氣

我願意接納

我是生氣的

這件事的本質有兩個方向

一我接納了我生氣

二一旦我真的接納了我生氣

那麼這個生氣

將會轉化為一股深刻的哀傷跟委屈

比如說婷婷

你小時候生氣

爸爸都罵你

爸爸都不理你

爸爸跟你說道理

所以你有很多的生氣

你就是生氣

突然有一個人願意理解你

告訴你婷婷啊

你在生氣啊

你氣很久了吧

你氣了沒關係

嗯

我知道你在生氣

你氣了我也在你旁邊陪你

我愛你你想一下

如果當年這個被理解的那個小孩

被理解了

他可能會有很多的哀傷跟委屈

就出來了

哦原來我們的內心世界裡面

是有這麼多不同的能量

他被堆積起來的

就是我的委屈跟哀傷

一直沒有被處理

所以我要用憤怒來去

來去保護這個東西

而這個憤怒

他同時指向別人

又指向自己

對

這個邏輯

其實我現在說起來看起來很清楚

可它其實做起來不容易

非常不容易

對所以

簡單這個好難

這個好難

很難哈

所以我後來哇

我原來我

我才真的瞭解這個東西

原來是這樣啊

所以我當時我的老師

來上這個兩天的課

真的哭兩天

就眼淚一直流一直流一直流

以前都不敢流眼淚的嘛

那時候就想算了

就給他哭了

所以使得我當時在這個學校裡面

收到了這個大禮物

有人說比如說其實人生就是矛盾

你怎麼去看待人生的矛盾這件事情

因為人不理解自己啊

我們常常不太理解自己

所以會變成矛盾

比如說你如果接納了自己的生氣了

其實你的生氣就消失一半了

你後面就是哀傷跟委屈委屈

嗯

那我們把它帶過來看你所說的矛盾

我不喜歡人家罵我

可是我的潛意識裡面卻在責備自己

這叫自責

所以很多的人

其實那個矛盾來自於他沒有看見

那叫做冰山下的世界

我們常常不太瞭解

原來我的內在是這樣運作的

原來我小的時候是被責備的

被期待的

被要求的

所以當我沒有做到的時候

我就被責備

其實我不喜歡被責備

可是有一天我長大了

別人沒做好了

我就罵人家了

而我自己沒做好的時候

我是有一隻手是伸過來罵自己

嗯可是我不知道

嗯所以那個矛盾

Hank你剛剛我理解的那個矛盾

那個矛盾是從這裡來的

如果我們的內心世界裡面

不太瞭解這些矛盾

他通常

我們會像是一個不斷繞圈的那個狀態

就是你一直在這裡纏繞

你走不出來

我覺得我的生命裡面有

好多年的時間

是一直在那個纏繞的狀態裡面

一直繞一直繞一直繞

然後我都覺得很無奈

然後我生命還有一個東西

我在三十幾歲以前

不應該是40歲以前

嗯就說即使我學了薩提爾

我的狀態也是這樣的

我常常在某一個瞬間

我會覺得生命很沒意義

就有一種虛無感就上來了

所以我大學的時候喜歡讀沙特嘛

喜歡讀喜歡讀卡夫卡

你你會覺得

因為那東西對我某一個東西有呼應的

就說人到最後還不是一死

所以

很多時候

在面對一個歡樂的氣氛的時候

我有個莫名的哀傷

很多時候在陽光鼎盛的一個午後

我開著車

我會覺得人生好無奈哦

就明明沒有什麼事情發生

那那個無奈感就突然就上來了

嗯懂懂懂

這個我懂

我四十幾歲以前

40歲以前常有這個狀態

對就是日子也就這樣啊

但為什麼我會突然有這個感覺就進來

嗯我

我其實不太能明白

那我後來

當然我已經明白了啦

那是什麼呢

我我這樣說太快速

你們我沒有辦法詮釋清楚

也就是說

從小學會求生存的人

沒有辦法真正的跟生命貼近

都在求生存的狀態當中打轉所以

哈哈

求生存跟生命是兩件事

但他本來不用背

反比如說

常常有40歲的醫生來跟我說阿健老師

我的人生沒有意義

嗯那他為什麼沒以

他小的時候就學霸

可是你說他熱愛生命嗎

他愛讀書才去讀書嗎

不是哎

他是因為愛人家的掌聲

他愛以後有錢

他不是愛讀

書本身所以他很早的時候

就學會了很自然求生存的方法

而失去了生命連接的能力

生命是什麼

生命是你在那裡玩的時候覺得愉快

生命是你在那個地方得到被愛的感覺

生命的狀態

尤其是18歲以前

我們的大腦神經元的發展

嗯這是最重要的一個區塊

可是醫生從小

像我一個朋友

從小都第一名

中學一隊的醫學院

醫院的院長

月收入就2,000萬

不是年收入哦

月月月

40歲

救命啊

告訴我人生毫無好

好沒意義啊

他不知道為什麼要活著

沒有奮鬥的目標

對因為你求生存已經不需要了

對

你所以很多人想要退休嘛

退休了覺得無聊

為什麼因為一輩子求生存

他不知道怎麼停下來

所以停下來這件事的本身

要學他

他要學會這個東西

否則我們的那個大腦一直在跳動嘛

嗯

總覺得要做點什麼

我以前不明白這個

所以我在40歲以前

我即使學了薩提爾

也是不明白

我不明白

我一直常常就會覺得在生命當中

那種那種那種無助感

瞬間而來的就來了

哎那怎麼辦

就常會

嗯你

你們瞭解的

就知道有這個經驗

就是我幹嘛活著

你會怎麼去形容人生的無奈這件事情

人生的無奈通常來自於你有期待

而你的期

或者你想控制

因為你的期待沒有辦法得到

你就有了無奈

可是人生當中有很多的更深層的體驗

他不需要透過那些期待

你其實只要不在乎

放下那些控制

可我這樣說起來就太像宗教的人

說了

那不會啊

但我覺得你講非常有說服力

或許老師年輕的時候

會有很各式各樣的無奈

對

很多很多很大

呃

非常大我覺得世界不該是這樣子的

對對我懂

對這個這個我懂對

但後來就各種suffer這種

對我後來各種無奈

我後來腦袋比較多的那個

比較比較比較多的自由

所以我比我比較少

我比較少有二元對立的想法

對或者說那種少

那種批判的那個狀態越來越少

比如說我

今天我就我就對自己很好奇

我今天在開車的時候

看到有一個騎摩托車的小女孩

手拿著手機

騎摩托車

嗯

然後我腦袋飄的第一個念頭竟然是

哇現在人都好厲害啊哈哈哈

這可以一心多用

對我以前是批判的對

但我現在看到我自己的念頭的時候

發現哦

我好像在這整個狀態裡面

我有看到一個不同的

這真的危險啊

那他的事也不關我的嘛

但我的腦袋裡面

已經很少有這種狀態了

哦

可是我剛剛很想回應那個老師

他剛剛在講說經歷那個失去

你才能夠回到那個當下

就是前一陣子

我有一天在樓下澆花的時候

突然打開一個上帝視角

看到過去某一個時刻

我一直逃避面對的我自己

然後那一天我把它打開

我居然看到突然間我就蹲在那個廁所

失聲痛哭

就是哇那個眼淚真的無法控制

一直哭一直哭一直哭一直哭

一邊澆花一邊哭

一邊沈水也一邊哭

然後那個哭是完全無法停止

你問我說你到底哭什麼

我也不知道

可是我就是沒有辦法停止那個哭泣

可是呢我必須要坦白說

經歷過那一次以後

我理解我自己

更深一層

又更多了

我對於我自己跟某些人的憤怒

真的減減少了很多

否則其實他那個對我來講

就是一直卡在那個地方

我呃大概有二三十年

我覺得我都卡在那個

就是卡在那一關卡

卡的那個憤怒是很大

然後又我覺得裡面有非常非常多的怨

很多很多

可是就在那一瞬間

我就把那個東西打開

因為其實有一個狀態是我

我

我覺得我當下應該知道我就是長那樣

可是我當下我是逃避

我面對我自己長那樣

婷婷你這裡有兩個東西很了不起

你知道其實人能夠覺察

很不容易

嗯你剛第一個

雖然也許覺察在某一個狀態裡面

你有了一個覺察

也許還有更多狀態

但在這個狀態裡面能夠覺察

我覺得第一個非常不容易

第二個要去承認這個東西很不容易

承認比如說我承認原來我的憤怒

我有個憤怒

我要承認這個憤怒

我覺得很不容易

很多時候

我們都不想去承認或接納這個狀態

就會逃開

可是你在這個層次裡面真的蠻勇敢的

你在冰山裡面

嗯像我

在我在跟別人對話的時候

常會遇到這種狀態嘛

比如說我在一次工作坊裡面

這是他也說可以說的

一個非常經典的

就是說他去體驗

像我剛剛說體驗這個悶的感覺

但我這樣說說來很簡單

什麼叫體驗悶的感覺

這對很多人都很懵的

嗯

也很難去理

解的

要不然有有很多人是沒有沒有感覺的

他悶但他沒有感覺

對對我知道我知道

對對對對對

他不知道

他自己很悶

對對

甚至我們的潛意識在排斥這個感覺

我們可能不知道

就不應該啊

對對對對

那他他

他也意識到他腦袋有脹的感覺

對

這也是常人很常有的

腦袋脹脹

喉嚨卡卡

這個女人呢

她感覺到頭脹脹

然後她就用我的方法去關注自己

這是我的回家功課

第二天她來繳交功課的時候

問她那你關注了這個脹的感覺

在後面是什麼

對她說一種輕鬆敞揚的感覺就進來了

但通常這個感覺不會持續太久

就會又漲了

對所以我們這個動作要常做

那我說那你喜歡這個感覺嗎

他說他就是很困惑

我說這個感覺輕鬆愉快

他有類近於幸福感嗎

他說有我說那你喜歡嗎

他在這個地方一邊落淚一邊搖頭

我不喜歡

不敢不敢

我問他你不喜歡的原因是什麼

他突然有覺察了

我如果幸福了

我媽媽怎麼辦

不配不配的感

對我說

你媽媽怎麼了

我媽媽13歲就走了

他一輩子很苦

我如果幸福了

那他不就他

就他就不

我就背叛他了

對

可這個東西在冰山裡面的意思是說

我們很多人都不知道

我們的體內是這樣運轉的

那我就問了他一句話

說那你告訴我你來這裡要學什麼

是要學幸福還不幸福

他說我要學幸福啊

可是你知道

他一輩子得不到

因為他的內在裡面抵觸他的幸福感

會背叛他媽媽

我後來在很

多冰山的結構裡面看到這個東西

就是說內在的那些矛盾

真的理不清楚

所以剛我說婷婷那個部分

一理不清楚

但你能覺察那很難

二

願意去看見跟承認

那需要勇氣

你可能不知道

那真的很難

我我們學的

我學的這個冰山後來融入了量子啊

就是量子的方向融入了

融入了那個腦神經的一些結構

融入了我們剛說的那些靜心的方法

我把它跟冰山融在一起

他發展出了一個非常對我而言

非常棒的東西

是對話對

就他在對話裡面就是這

所以我說自己來很難

但是做對話的時候

因為他的細節跟脈絡很清晰

他帶進來就可以比較容易打開

至少有兩個人的一來一回這樣

呃他通常是這樣來

讓我們的頭腦思緒裡面的小

我不會一直慣性

不會一直被牽著走

對他他他是

這還有一個是突破這些瓦解

想我的方法是進入感受

婷婷你來回答啊

試試看

如果我不接納

是不是有壞的影響

會

如果我接納

會不會有好的影響

一定會

只是你做不到而已對嗎

我對

我做不到

我不滿意

對那你願不願意做到

我通常會這樣問

這就是量子哦否則

我們那如果我說願意呢

好我只要先問這件事願不願意

願意願意嗎

對願意

願意呃

所謂的願意

就是願意去接納那個做不到的自己

願意去接接納一個做不好的自己

願意去

oh i don't need

的意思等待這個自己

那如果願意

我就會叫這個人深呼吸

然後我就會讓他

說幾句話

在我在音頻裡面就說了這個

我就會讓他們跟著我說

不過婷婷你也可以試著

因為你現在沒有情境

但是你也可以我們把這個東西說一下

就我從現在開始

我從現在開始

你這個說的很gay呢啊

很假很假

對很假

沒關係我們就假好嗎

我我只是示範給各位看

它叫做能量的引導

裡面有一個出處

有一個方向

但很多人其實不知道

這有個方向可以做引導

它從這裡開始

所以我們剛剛在確認你願不願意

因為很多時候我們連願意都說都都沒

說不出來

對或者說都不願意

那這件事情本身就一直在瞎繞圈了

所以不願意是不是比較好說的出口

很多人都說不願意

對不對比較好

對比較容易

比較容易解釋

對目前的狀情境或者狀態

對就很多人都不願意

但他都是反射而來的不願意

對可是那你就去看

原來你的身心肌肉都不願意

那你告訴我你來找我幹嘛

如果是你來找我來談這個問題

對想解決不是嗎

對啊

我沒有叫你做到啊

對我只是問你願不願意啊

而且我剛剛在

我剛發現你叫我講願意的時候啊

你知道心裡面有某一塊

就是我很不想說哈哈哈

對對我們在處理那兩個字

很難說的清楚

你說的太好了

真的婷婷說的太好

所以我們通常都在處理

這個願意的這個區塊

真的

我們會一直不斷的跟你談

你不願意是因為你小時候啊你

你被要求你

你被打你

你被虐待你

你孤單所以你

在那裡面有一個你的你的習慣呢

我懂

因為你知道不願意

然後才能表達那種憤怒

對對對所以我就如果是婷婷

我這裡面就有一個評估

如我當然我亂講的哈

我會走你的憤怒

讓你的憤怒徹底的能量流動

因為那個能量它會經常使得我們煩躁

不安沮喪

我們是只是欠缺合理的引導

所以我們在問願不願意的時候

其實就是在問你願不願意愛那個我

哦

你你怎麼會不愛自己呢

你怎麼連這個你都覺得不滿

然後你就不願意接納呢

你小時候被這樣對待的時候

你是不是期待別人愛你

可是你沒有得到

你今天長大了

你怎麼不願意回過頭來愛這樣的自己

不能夠接受沒有做好的自己

你為什麼要對自己批判

我們會用這種辯證的方法

懂

慢慢的讓你的願意被打開

懂啊

我也不知道婷婷是否可以理解

我完全理解好

所以但是我剛剛一直在想說

如果我在這種對話

這種憤怒的情況之下

因為你剛剛在講的每一個詞彙啊

都會以我憤怒的這種底子

我就會一直去反抗

哎啊

你可以憤怒啊

婷婷如果我是你的對話者陪伴

我就會告訴你

你憤怒誰

你憤怒誰都沒關係

包括我

我都會跟他說你有憤怒婷婷嗎有

如果有的話

怎麼會這樣

對如果有的話

我不明白你怎麼想要去憤怒

這就是我們的潛意識

跟冰山裡面你沒看到的

他透過一對話就會問出來

對我就會問你憤怒婷婷什麼

嗯你不能接納一個做不好

的人嗎

假設我現在不知道婷婷的身世哈

你不能接納

一個從小生長在一些

沒有價值的男人的圈子裡面

對你對這個女孩有這麼多的要求

她的孤單

她的她的那種痛

你不想理解

你不能接納

那是為了什麼

我就會在這個地方打開他的意識

難道對這個婷婷

沒有多一點點的包容跟愛嗎

就算他什麼都做不好

他可以不要

有用也值得被你愛嗎

如果可以的話

他從不會因此而放棄

不是嗎嗯

那你何必要罵他呢

我要他願意

因為那是我們真正走上當下的路

所以我剛剛在跟你們談的時候說

當下是什麼

當下

是你能夠體驗到一種活生生的能量

那種寬闊的

深刻的它才是生命

我們從小就為了求生存

而忽略了生命的本質

這是我後來從satir托勒帶進來體驗的

對所以我們剛剛如果說

婷婷剛剛跟我講的

如果真的有這個部分

啊原來這麼認真的

婷婷對自己還不滿意啊你

你還對自己不待見啊

不接納啊

嗯哦

這樣對婷婷不是不好嗎

因為婷婷從來不會不想努力啊

就算休息了也會往前走啊

那麼我就會問婷婷

什麼時候才要停下來愛一下婷婷啊

接納

今天下午才在講我真不容易

所有的人都告訴我說不容易很難

說接納自己啦

我們都只問願不願意就好了

你說接納自己嗎

對停

停下來也是問願不願意接納自己

願不願意

我很想說願意

但是我骨子裡不知道為什麼說不出

我就會問後面這個東

西是誰在告訴你不能願意

上來

這個對話一打開來就會開很久嘛

就會去看哇塞

就會去看是誰在這裡say no

誰不允許你這個哇

所以為什麼常談話的時候

談到一個深處

他常就很多的那種很多的那種冒險

就被打開來

很多的哀傷

很多的受傷跟生氣就進來了那

所以我們無非都是為生命服務嘛

生命就是為了你服務

對

你都不為自己服務了

你還乞求誰來對你好嗎

你都不要願意對自己好啊

我又沒有叫你怠惰

我只問你可不可以接納啊

我們會在這裡工作

做到後面

他大概我的工作裡面大概率就會這樣

就會是案主都會說我願意

可是我做不到

我說沒有關係

你要買一張門票

你要去台北

你得買台北的高鐵票

你買火車票

你買統聯的票都可以

或者你騎腳踏車來也可以

你總是有個方向

你不會說我要去台北

但我去買一張高雄的票

我們很多的人都這樣活啊

你其實想要自己被被接納

被愛可是你卻在虐待自己

不接納自己

那你永遠就會在這裡很多的糾結

糾結矛盾就進來啊

這個我覺得

我覺得現在大部分人的問題應該是

不知道自己要

不知道自己要去哪裡

所以現在從這個最底層的來問

就最簡單了

嗯

如果婷婷告訴我

你願意的話

我們就來宣誓

就像結婚一樣宣誓

所以我剛才告訴你

宣誓就是我

我從現在開始

但是你說的很假嘛

很假的意思就是說跟自己有距離

那表示你沒有真的願意啦

沒辦法

對

我無法宣誓哈哈哈

沒關係婷婷這很有趣

就說我們剛好也展示了一個狀態

就說如果我想要

那麼我有一個方法

可以成為那個樣子狀態的我

我想要自由

我有一個方法可以成為自由狀態的我

嗯所以

我們就會展開一個像邏輯式的對話

比如說我們剛問的第一個

你想要自由

你得先要被鬆綁

你給自己這麼多不待見的觀點跟期待

不是對你有影響嗎

你只要願意鬆綁就好

我們從這裡開始

來走上鬆綁自己的路

Key Vocabulary

Vocabulary	Meanings
communicate /kəˈmjuːnɪkeɪt/ B1	verb - to share or exchange information, news, or ideas
understand /ˌʌndərˈstænd/ A2	verb - to know or realize the meaning of words or information
feel /fiːl/ A1	verb - to experience a feeling or emotion verb - to touch something to find out what it is like
angry /ˈæŋɡri/ A2	adjective - having strong feelings of grievance or displeasure
accept /əkˈsept/ B1	verb - to take or receive something offered verb - to agree to or approve of something
connect /kəˈnekt/ B1	verb - to join or link two things together
expect /ɪkˈspekt/ B1	verb - to consider or regard as likely to happen
desire /dɪˈzaɪər/ B2	noun - a strong feeling of wanting to have something or wishing for something to happen verb - to want something, especially strongly
behavior /bɪˈheɪvjər/ B1	noun - the way in which one acts or conducts oneself, especially toward others
emotion /ɪˈmoʊʃən/ B1	noun - a natural instinctive state of mind deriving from one's circumstances, mood, or relationships
self /self/ B1	noun - a person's essential being that distinguishes them from others
contradictory /ˌkɒntrəˈdɪktəri/ B2	adjective - mutually opposed or inconsistent; in direct conflict
painful /ˈpeɪnfəl/ B1	adjective - causing physical or mental pain
deep /diːp/ B1	adjective - extending far down from the top or surface adjective - very intense or extreme
bewildered /bɪˈwɪldərd/ B2	adjective - perplexed and confused; very puzzled
respond /rɪˈspɒnd/ B1	verb - to say or do something as a reaction to something that has been said or done
survive /sərˈvaɪv/ B1	verb - to continue to live or exist, especially after coming close to death or being seriously ill
reflect /rɪˈflekt/ B2	verb - to think deeply or carefully about something