– English Lyrics

Lyrics & Translation

[English]

so how's kther poly oh my Lord what

that's princess

Pali I'm pretty sure her name's Lita no

no princess panchali from the monkey and

the

princess oh yeah I tried to watch that

online but they wanted my credit

card it's a children's story no no it

isn't when I was a little boy and got

sick which was most of the time my

mother would read it to me it's about an

Indian princess who befriends a monkey

who was mocked by all the other monkeys

because he was different for some reason

I related to it quite

strongly I know the

reason we all know the

reason Sheldon what are you getting at

that woman looks exactly like the

pictures of Princess Pali in the book

how often does one see a beloved

fictional character come to life every

year at

Comic-Con every day at Disneyland you

can hire Snow White to come to your

house of course they prefer it if you

have a

kid hey guys this is Lita Gupta Lita

this is Leonard and Sheldon and Howard

and Penny isn't it great she isn't fat

anymore forgive me your highness for I

am but a monkey and it is in my nature

to climb I did not mean to gaze upon you

as you comb your

hair I'm sorry you are the living

embodiment of the beautiful princess

panchala

oh no kidding who who is that a beloved

character from an Indian folk tale

oh us Indian or come to our Casino

Indian you Indian oh the resemblance is

remarkable I can practically smell the

Lotus blossoms woven into your ebony

hair thanks I imagine you smell very

nice too I shower twice a day and wash

my hands as often as I can

really so do I but you're a dentist he's

nuts don't be insulting rajes so Sheldon

tell me more about this princess you say

I look like it was said that the gods

fashioned her eyes out of the stars and

that roses were ashamed to bloom in the

presence of her Ruby lips well my back

off Sheldon what if you do not stop

hitting on my lady you will feel the

full extent of my wrath

I'm not hitting on her and I am not your

lady but and you have no

wrath you are my lady our parents said

so we are for all intents and purposes

100% hooked up okay let's get something

straight here the only reason I came

tonight was to get my parents off my

case I certainly don't need to be

getting this old world crap from you

that's exactly the kind of spirit with

which princess panchali led the monkeys

to Freedom screw princess panchali hey

you can't talk to me like that but

you're not princess Pali luckily for you

she could have you be

beheaded Chen are you hungry I could eat

let's

go what just happened beats the hell out

of me tell you what happened I just

learned how to pick up Indian

chicks there's the man of the

hour okay so we now have a socially

awkward genius in a room full of

attractive age appropriate women oh yes

to do now is hook up with one of

them anyone else see the flaw on this

plan we need a social Catalyst like what

we can't get 15-year-old girls

drunk or can we no we

can't don't think you mean we can't I

think you mean we

shouldn't okay we cannot leave this to

chance let's pick a girl and figure fure

out how to get her together with Dennis

okay how about that

one uh-uh I know the type cheerleader

student counsel goes out with the jocks

won't even look at anybody in the gifted

program and if after 2 years of begging

she does agree to go out with you it

turns out to be a setup and you're in

the backseat of your mom's car with your

pants off all the whole football team

laughs at

you are you crying no I have

allergies okay um oh hey I'm want h

sure who wants to spend a couple years

doing her homework while she drinks

herself into a stoer with non-fat White

Russians you're the one holding her head

out of the toilet while she's puking and

telling you she wishes more guys were

like you and then she gets in a Cornell

because you wrote her essay for her and

you drive up to visit her one weekend

and she acts like she doesn't even know

you okay so not her

either how about her interesting kind of

pretty little chubby so probably low

self-esteem that's our girl one of us

should go talk to her I can't talk to

her you do it I can't just go up and

talk to her how are you talk to her I

don't know she'll never go for the kid

once she gets a peek at

this you know if we were in India this

would be simpler 5 minutes with her dad

20 goats on a laptop and we'd be done

well we're not in India all right why

don't we do it your way then we'll

arrange for this girl to move in across

the hall from Dennis so he can

pathetically Moon over her for months on

end

okay that was uncalled for you started a

dude can I have everyone's attention

please what a wonderful occasion this is

and how fortunate that it should happen

to fall on take your daughter to work

day we're here to welcome Mr Dennis Kim

to our little family welcome Dennis

Kim Mr cim was not only the

valedictorian at Stanford University he

is also the youngest recipient of the

prestigious Stevenson award youngest

till the cyborgs rise

up and now without any further Ado let

me introduce the man of the hour Mr

Dennis

Kim

Dennis Dennis

what would you like to tell us a little

bit about your upcoming research oh no

thanks I'm going to the mall with Emma

uh the kid got a

girl

unbelievable did anyone see how he did

it how did that little yuts get a girl

on his own I guess times have changed

since we were young smart is the new

sexy then why do we go home alone every

night we're still smart maybe we're too

smart so smart it's

off-putting yeah let's go with that

hey look at

that it's Dennis

Kim wow I almost didn't recognize him

you know I kind of feel bad about what

we did to

[Music]

him yeah we really ruined his

[Music]

life hey made

L you just called Leonard a syphilitic

donkey

my apologies Leonard I'm only as good as

my

teacher why are you learning Chinese I

believe the sewan palace has been

passing off orange chicken as tangerine

chicken and I intend to confront

them I were you I'd be more concerned

about what they're passing off is

chicken I need to use your window oh hey

yeah no sure go

ahead hey jerk face you forgot your iPod

what's going on oh I'll tell you what's

going on that stupid self-centered

bastard wrote about our sex life in his

blog drop dead you stupid self-center

bastard thank

you okay where were we it's not now I

have a Blog to

find I really thought Mike was different

I thought he was sensitive and smart I

mean not you smart normal non-f freaky

smart yeah know sure you know and then

he just goes and has to humiliate Me by

writing about me on his blog so the

entire world can read it actually tell

you it's not all that easy to find yeah

really well my friends at work found it

my sister found it judging by my email a

number of prisoners at the Michigan

State Penitentiary found

it what exactly did this guy write not

that I need to know the details of your

sex SL I just thought never

mind no you know what you might as well

read it everybody else has good oh God I

just feel so betrayed and embarrassed

just want to crawl into a hole and

die okay well you know this isn't that

bad it it just Paints the picture of a

very affectionate woman who's open to

expressing her affection in

nontraditional Loc

oh God

elevators Parks movie

theaters out of curiosity is this Subway

the transportation system or Subway the

sandwich

shop sandwi

shop BT

[Applause]

BT crazy man call the police you know

booy

so what's your news remember that little

planetary object I spotted beyond the

Kyer belt oh yeah 208 andq sub 17 or as

I call it Planet

Bollywood anyway because of my Discovery

People magazine is naming me one of the

30 under 30 to watch wow congratulations

incredible

excuse me with 30 what under 30 what to

watch

what 30 Visionaries under 30 years of

age to watch as they challenge the

preconceptions of the

fields If I Had a Million guesses I

never would have gotten

that it's pretty cool they've got me in

with a guy who's doing something about

hunger in Indonesia and a

psychotherapist who's using Dolphins to

rehabilitate prisoners and Ellen paig

star of the Charming independent film

Juno oh I'd so do her

you do the

dolphins do I get an honorable mention

for Designing the telescope camera

mounting bracket you used sorry it's not

part of my heartwarming and personal

narrative in which a humble boy from New

Delhi overcame poverty and Prejudice and

journey to America to reach for the

stars poverty your father's a

gynecologist he drives a

Bentley it's a

lease so anyway after a fantastic lunch

I was whisked off to the People magazine

photo shoot have any of you boys ever

been to a photo shoot uhoh it's

fantasting apparently the camera loves

me and I

it they shot me in front of a starry

background where I posed like

this they're going to digitally add a

supernova they say it's the perfect

metaphor for my incandescent Talent

right a ball of hot flaming gas that

collapses upon

itself excuse me oh it's my assistant

Trevor go for uh-huh they gave him an

assistant if I want a new pen I have to

go to the bank with wire

cutters have we at this point met our

social obligations not yet okay just put

it on my calendar but start thinking of

a reason why I can't go all right gly

out God bless that boy I don't know what

I'd do without him you just got him this

afternoon noon yes but I'm funny that

having a Lackey suits

me a Lackey oh I'm sorry is that

Politically Incorrect in India we just

call them

Untouchables now

almost speaking of Untouchables I've got

great news for you

guys People magazine is having reception

this Saturday and I managed to get you

invited oh gee thanks oh you're welcome

of course I couldn't get you into the

VIP section because you know that's for

VIPs and you guys are just you know

bees there's a tribe in Papua New Guy

where when a hunter flaun his success to

the rest of the village they kill him

and drive away evil spirits with a drum

made of his skin superstitious nonsense

of course but one can't see their

point here you go Raj you might want to

drink this one slowly okay so s Saturday

night can I count on my posy gee I'd

love to Raj but I can't make it oh okay

Leonard uh no I can

no Sheldon I can make it but I

won't what are you guys talking about

well there's a reception for my magazine

article on Saturday and you guys aren't

going I can't believe you Raj is

celebrating a tremendous accomplishment

and you're not even going to be there to

support him a tremendous accomplishment

would be if the planetary body he

discovered were plummeting toward Earth

and he exploded it with his

mind that would be cool i' go to that

reception come on this is huge raja's

going to be in People magazine and he

didn't even have to knock up one of the

spear

sisters would you like to go with

me of course I would I would be honored

really cool shame on you

guys look at that I got a did with

Benny I can't believe it took you a

whole

year now

[Laughter]

now hey buddy I'm going to be in People

magazine yeah call me when you're on the

cover

[Music]

telephone wires can't electrocute you

can

they no look this has to stop oh no no

no it is just beginning all right I

really didn't want to do this

but

here what's

this Sheldon's

Kryptonite oh my

God he can never know that I gave that

to you look I said I wanted to hurt him

but but

this it'll shorten the war by 5 years

and save millions of

lives hello oh hi yeah hold on a second

I'll get him Sheldon it's for you who is

it your mother oh

good hi Mom how are you

but

Mom she keeps sitting in my

spot and she touched my

food okay yes I took her clothes but she

started

it no that's not

fair why should I have to

apologize I really don't think this is

the kind of thing Jesus concerns himself

with no you're right I don't really know

what Jesus thinks

about all right

goodbye did you tell on me are you

kidding me I already have two

[Music]

strikes

Penny

Penny

Penny I am very very sorry for what I

have done here's your laundry I resend

your strikes and you are no longer

banished can I sit wherever I

want no no never mind never mind that's

that's that's not

important Sheldon this was big of you

thank you I really appreciate it thank

you good night Sheldon

Penny

yes well

played thank you just remember with

great power comes great

responsibility

understood oh thank God you're here

what's the emergency I got the Mars

rover stuck in a

ditch where on a Dusty highway just

outside Bakersfield where do you think

on

Mars Hey Howard is everything okay yeah

baby I'll be right in

you brought a girl to the Mars rover

control room yeah I picked her up in the

bar she's a doctor one free Baron my

mother won't care she's not

Jewish wait a minute so the eye patch

and the insults worked no there were

three other guys with eye patches it was

a

fiasco what did work was how'd you like

to visit a secret government facility so

what exactly do you want us to do I need

you and Raj to help me get the Rover out

of the ditch and I need you to get

Stephanie out before somebody notices

she's here she doesn't exactly have

clearance really they don't let strange

women from Honky Tonks come in and play

with $200 million government projects on

distant planets yes I was bad maybe

she'll spank me can we please move

[Music]

on Hey Howard you know it's getting late

so do I get to drive this thing or what

yeah no I'm sorry but something's come

up kind of a Mars Rover Mars Rover can

Howard come over

situation so my friend Leonard is going

to take you home oh okay let's go friend

Leonard okay I'll call you yeah so are

you a scientist like Howard no one's a

scientist like

Howard my mother is so going to love her

how nice maybe they can carpool when

they visit you in federal

[Music]

prison sorry I totally interrupted you

what what what were you saying just said

Howard's a terrific guy

yeah he's got a great sense of

humor he loves his mother a lot some

people say too

much I really like that you're such a

loyal friend yeah I am loyal you know if

you look at the big

picture

just out of curiosity did he ever have a

shot with you are you insane the guy was

wearing an eye

[Music]

patch then why did you he said that I

could drive a car on

Mars got

it so can I see you again you're not

done seeing me

now

cool ooh is this one of those paintball

guns yeah you ought to come with us

sometime oh no thanks I'm from Nebraska

when we shoot things it's because we

want to eat them or make them leave our

boyfriends

alone

oh you think he'll

notice there's a

chance oh what are we going to do

we no no no you had your chance to be we

for like a year and a half

now right now you are you and you are

screwed why do we have to tell him I did

it well we're not going to tell him I

did it okay okay how about this we tell

him somebody broke

in just to shoot the couch with a

paintball gun I'm sorry I buy it those

people are on

drugs we could tell him they wanted the

couch to stay away from their

boyfriend okay fine what if we just flip

it

over there looks fine right butt print

there's no discernible butt

print oh come

on there butt print it's too small and

Too Perfect

thank you you're

welcome sh act

normal

shouting how was the comic book store

fine the new issue of flash is out great

great did you walk the whole way it's a

little chilly C rali picked me up isn't

that terrific he is such a good friend

you know what the best thing about

friends is they don't talk incessantly

for no particular reason

no no a friends forgive the little

things you know I got to go home and

wash my hair don't you dare

Missy hello fastest man

alive want to see me read your entire

comic

book want to see it again

something's

wrong what do you mean I'm not

sure it doesn't feel

right I don't know what you're talking

about

oh that Penny did

that it's hot in here must be summer

it's hot in here must be summer it's hot

in here must be summer it's hot in here

must be

summer that's cute really I just made it

up have you seen Slum Dog

Millionaire oh yeah I loved it it's

Loosely based on my

life and that bright Little Star peeking

her head out early today that's

Venus that is so cool you really know a

lot about space come on when you were on

TV in Firefly you were actually in

space you're not one of those guys who

really believe that are you you mean one

of the Hopeless Geeks no those are crazy

people

how it be a deer and get me another one

of

these now him he's one of those

Geeks do you believe him normally around

women he has the personality of a boiled

potato put one beer in them and his mite

charmal aralon

is that what he's drinking it's not even

real beer what look at it not alcoholic

beer what's going on I don't know some

sort of placebo effect I guess Placebo

you say

interesting yes I'm still here where am

I going I'm on a train now what you'll

be looking for is a small wooden box

located between a hobman sphere and a

sample of quartz flecked with

pyite hobman sphere it's a collapsible

iosi do

decahedron no the thing with the time on

it is my alarm

clock actually in India the names of

constellations are different where you

have the Big Dipper we have the big Cy

pot you're making that up you got me now

what are you going to do with me

Raj yes look what am I looking at you

tell me non-alcoholic

[Applause]

beer hi I'm the small package good

things come

in uh Hey Leonard can I talk to you

about something sure what's up remember

I went out with your friend Penny a

couple weeks ago yeah vaguely sure you

remember that was the night you went to

the bar and made a fool of yourself

trying to pick up strange

women what about

it well uh the thing is the date didn't

go that well oh too bad

you I guess the thing to do now is just

pick yourself up dust yourself off

forget it and move on I can't do that

why the hell

not cuz we're going out again tomorrow

excuse me steuart have you read the new

Flash no well I have and it will knock

your socks

off good luck getting them back

on uh anyway I figured this is probably

my last shot with penny and I don't want

to screw it up nobody wants that so

here's my question it's the second date

you think she'll be expecting things to

get

physical uh oh gee um my initial

reaction is no but um you know um let me

think about it and get back to you okay

okay so you'll give me a call yeah or

you call me

great or nobody calls

anyone interesting Penny's current Sut

asking advice from her former suo yeah

thanks for close captioning my pain

Raj hey you want to make sure he gets

nowhere with Penny without jeopardizing

your friendship with either of them I'm

listening just tell him to do everything

you ' done with her for the last 2

years hey Leonard hey Stuart you busy um

classified Leonard yeah it's a regular

Manhattan

Project's up well tonight's my date with

Penny and since we haven't been able to

connect by phone yeah I'm sorry it's

been broken or email yeah no that's

broken too everything's broken

anyway I was just wondering if you had

any last minute advice uh all right um

well off the top of my head you know I

think the most important thing with

penny is to go really

slow I mean

glacial okay you know guys come on to

her all the time so you need to like set

yourself apart you know be a little shy

don't make too much eye contact and you

know trater was like cool detachment and

and and you know

fear fear yeah like you you're afraid

that if you touch her she'll

break well that plays right into my

wheelhouse good good well you you kids

have fun tonight thanks Leonard what is

that thing

anyway you don't know what this is no

good get

out be AF afraid of Penny nice very

crafty it wasn't bad advice it just

wasn't particularly

helpful for what it's worth my mother

says that when we deceive for personal

gain we make Jesus

cry I just want you both to know when I

publish my findings I won't forget your

contributions great of course I can't

mention you in my Nobel Acceptance

Speech but but when I get around to

writing my Memoirs you can expect a very

effusive footnote and perhaps a signed

copy you have to tell him tell me

what damn his Vulcan

hearing you fellas are planning a party

for me aren't

you okay Sheldon sit

down if there's going to be a theme I

should let you know that I don't care

for Lu toga or under the

sea yeah we'll keep that in mind look we

need to talk to you about something that

happened at the North Pole if this is

about the night the heat went out

there's nothing to be embarrassed

about it's not about that and we agreed

to never speak of it again so we slept

together

naked it was only to keep our core body

temperatures from

plummeting he's speaking about it for me

it was a bonding moment

[Music]

Sheldon you remember the first few weeks

we were looking for magnetic monopoles

and not finding anything and you were

acting like an obnoxious giant

dictator I thought we were going to be

gentle with him that's why I added the

Tater and when we finally got our first

positive data you were so happy oh yes

in the world of emoticons I was colon

capital D

well in actuality what your equipment

detected wasn't so much evidence of

Paradigm shifting monopoles as it

was static from the electric can opener

we were turning on and

[Music]

off he just went goon capital

O you tampered with my experiment we had

to it was the only way to keep you from

being such a huge

dzian you see that I added the

Enzian did Leonard know about this

Leonard's my best friend in the world

surely Leonard didn't know actually it

was his idea of course it was the whole

plan reeks of

Leonard I missed you so much I missed

you too I couldn't think of anyone else

while you were gone me

neither except for one night when the

heat went

out long stories don't ask

Leonard Leonard

Leonard do not make a

sound Whispering do not make a

sound it's a

sound damn is Vulcan

hearing not a good time

Sheldon Penny Penny Penny oh this is

ridiculous what hello Penny I realize

you're currently at the mercy of your

primitive biological urges but as you

have an entire lifetime of poor

decisions ahead of you may I interrupt

this

one it's great to see you too come on in

walowitz has informed me of your grand

deception do you have anything to say

for yourself yes I feel terrible about

it I will never forgive myself I don't

expect you to either and I would really

appreciate it if you would leave me with

penny for a session of self-criticism

and repentance

okay can someone please tell me what's

going on here what's going on is I was

led to believe I was making

groundbreaking strides in science when

in fact I was being fed false data at

the hands of walowitz cther poly and

your furry little boy

toy what what do you mean what it's Halo

night I can't I'm too sick go

away that's why we moved Halo night here

look I brought my mom's chicken soup I'm

not hungry don't send him away let him

in who is that I bought a

barrot yeah

right Dr Plimpton hi Howard right uh

yeah can I ask you a question Howard do

you like role playing

games yeah sure in fact I'm a dungeon

master

not tonight tonight you are a delivery

man you brought soup but uhoh Raj and I

don't have enough money to pay you so

we'll have to come to some other kind of

arrangement beg

pardon you two figure out the details

I'm going to go change into something I

don't mind getting ripped off my milky

flesh what the fruck

go away she wants New Deli not koser

Deli besides you have a girlfriend you

broke up weeks ago why didn't you say

anything I was waiting for the right

time this is the right

time hey who's ready for Halo oh this is

like a nightmare get

lost he's right the numbers are shaky

enough as it is I don't understand oh

good Leonard's here

good Elizabeth what's going on what's

going on is you and Howard are my moving

men and Raja is my new landlord and I

don't have enough money to pay any of

you is she suggesting what I think she's

suggesting yep welcome to the Penthouse

Forum okay show of hands who's up for

this we'll all be naked in front of each

other I'm

out everybody

ready Follow My Lead all almost uh we're

going to go out into the hallway and uh

make a dramatic entrance oh good it's so

much better when everyone commits run

run run run don't look back I thought we

had something

special so you say you can't pay your

[Applause]

rent hey hey leard will you please tell

Howard my sister's never been attracted

to him

come on Raj how am I supposed to know

who she's attracted to or was attracted

to or who she might be attracted to in

the

future and I have nothing to contribute

to this

conversation because I too know

absolutely nothing about Prius

preferences in male

companionship and with that I will rezip

my

lip hey so what did you guys think of

the new episode of Capra last night I

didn't see it didn't see it what were

you

doing I I was out what on Capra night

yeah I I went for a drink really you

where where did you go to

uh Lucky

Baldwins oh I I've heard of that place

isn't that Pasadena's favorite Irish

Watering

Hole yes did you meet anyone interesting

there perhaps a promiscuous redheaded

bid as a matter of fact I I can't I

can't I can't do it sure you can you're

doing fine it's very

believable I'm sorry Raj but the truth

is I was with priia last night don't

listen to him he's still lightheaded

from all the Irish whiskey and pickled

eggs in his system what were you doing

with Trio I believe they engaged in Kus

but more importantly if Leonard had not

abandoned his story would you have found

it plausible you slept with my sister

yeah how could you we had a pack excuse

me I think how could you she's my sister

takes precedence over a 5-year-old pinky

swe may I point out in a parallel

universe your friends are saying Maggie

McGary she sounds

lovely I I admit it I I may have crossed

a line here but come on Raj your sister

is a grown woman and to her I'm a

forbidden piece of white

chocolate I I don't believe it this is a

terrible betrayal of my trust would it

help if I told you that I offered her my

heart and and she kind of stomped on it

how hard did she

stomp very

hard okay I'm

good okay well Raj I just want to say

that I never betray your trust unlike

Leonard I respect

you really

M was it out of respect that you didn't

tell Raj about the time he dropped his

iPhone in a

urinal dude I put that thing on my

face I think a more amusing violation of

Raj's trust is when Howard convinced him

that foreigners give presents to

Americans on

Thanksgiving hey I didn't see you giving

back your Snoopy snow cone maker that

was all a lie this year's gifts are

already wrapped and as long as we're

talking about betraying our friends how

about the month Sheldon spent grinding

up insects and mixing them into

Leonard's Food well excuse me that was

not a betrayal that was an experiment to

determine at what concentration food

starts tasting

mafy you put moths in my

food for

science I can't believe you kissed my

sister with moth mouth

I can't believe you used Sheldon's

toothbrush you used my toothbrush not

the brush but just just a little rubber

thing to pick food for my teeth and

massage my

gums okay I I I I think it's safe to say

that we've all done some things we're

not particularly proud

of but come on we're friends friends

Overlook each other's minor lapses

for the record Howard I'm sorry that I

broke our

P thank you and I'm sorry about your

phone and

Thanksgiving and while we're at it you

don't have to wash our clothes on the

4th of

July as long as we're apologizing

Sheldon I'm I'm sorry I used your

toothbrush and I'm sorry but that

behavior is beyond the pale and cannot

be tolerated we are no longer

friends I go you a Talking Thomas the

Tank Engine for Thanksgiving with real

puffing

smoke

yes all

right but I'm watching you

[Music]

oh

God oh

God

oh okay look this never happened do you

understand me

really still can't talk to

me what are you doing

here what I said what are you doing here

I live here I have paperwork that says

differently PR is going back to India

irrelevant rajes and I have a good thing

going and you're not going to ruin it

what are you doing

here been up all night I had a fight

with bernardet why she gave me a

beautiful

watch lard do you understand

this yes talk to

[Applause]

him damn

what's going on

oh it's it's not what it looks

like what does it look

[Music]

like are you getting this nextmen uh

yeah it's issue number 21 first

appearance of Hellboy I know I've been

looking for it for years sorry hey if I

pretended to hit on you could I distract

you enough to sneak it away

yes but you'd be using your superpowers

for

evil damn I'm forbidden by my Kryptonian

father to do

so I'm Alice all right Leonard you're

very cute Leonard thanks you too you

don't go ahead and take

it no no no no I I I did Evil would you

be open to a trade uh yeah sure I guess

okay here this is my

number call me sorry Palm's a little

sweaty what's that

word Alice oh write your name that makes

more sense than

penis

later did I just see you pick up a girl

in a comic bookstore cuz if you did you

get your picture up there on the wall of

Heroes no I don't think I picked her up

besides I have a girlfriend it doesn't

matter this is the closest anyone's ever

come you're going on the wall my

check it out Jim Lee Drew this of me two

years ago at

ComicCon what are you wearing well you

know it's

Comic-Con I'm lion o from

ThunderCats wow you must have gotten so

late no but Jessica Alba did rub my

furry

belly want to see a comic ey draw you're

kidding you have your own book yeah it's

kind of based on my life

cool oh well look there's you having sex

with a guy in the top half of a

Chewbacca

costume Comic-Con you think but

no you're very talented this is really

good did you

do so can I trade you my comment for the

Hellboy you can have my

[Music]

car damn it I can't I can't I can't do

this is it my tongue stud cuz if that

freaks you out you're in for a real

surprise later on no no no no I I I I

can't do this believe me I really want

to but but I I kind of have a

girlfriend you kidding you're cool with

you and me just being friends right I

don't believe this wa I don't which

part so stupid I thought for once I'd

been a good guy but you're just another

jackass oh no no you have it

wrong no I I was going to be a jackass

but I stopped

myself I stayed a good guy so I'm going

to pass on the sex but uh you should

know that's not a comment on your

hotness but on my

goodness that's kind of my superpower

I'm I'm I'm like Captain good

guy it's okay did the right

thing you

[Music]

idiot why are you up how am I supposed

to sleep been married less than 24 hours

and my wife isn't speaking to

me perhaps you can think of this in a

more positive light

in one day you've managed to do what it

takes many couples decades to

achieve hey hey you couldn't sleep

either of course not me neither no but I

just had a tickle in my

throat not profound marital

problems what are we going to do I don't

know please tell me how I can fix it I'm

glad you

asked as I see there's a simple solution

your lips had a diance with the lips of

another woman it seems only logical that

to restore balance to the relationship

you should find another man and Dally

with him and by dally I mean some

hardcore mouth-on-mouth

action okay that is the stupidest thing

I've ever heard actually think he's on

to

something well you can't be serious cuz

I messed up and made out with a girl

you're going to do the same with a

random guy I'm currently single

that's true you

are what is

happening I will tell you what is

happening I am saving my best friend's

[Applause]

marriage uh Penny you want to check this

out yeah sure all right just look

through here and if you want to take a

picture just push that button

okay oh what is that is it Mercury I'm

really joning for

mercury I think it's a little early for

Mercury to be visible yet playing hard

to get I like that in a

planet oh there's something fuzzy is it

your teen

years

no yes shut up look really I think I see

something oh it could just be your

eyelash it's not an eyelash okay well uh

take a picture let's see okay

here H I do see something told you what

is it I don't know maybe it's a comet

that would be so cool you guys want to

see a real star look over here what I

just got

retweeted by Patton oswalt's brother

[Music]

guys hey so guess what that indeed was a

comet last night and it turns out no

one's seen it before wow really look at

that I discovered a comet what do you

mean you discovered it well I'm the one

who saw it in my telescope that I

positioned all you did was look into it

well you both discovered it you can put

both your names on the registration form

actually we can't why not because when I

fill it out it asked for name of

Discoverer and put Rajesh Kali

because because that's who I am and

that's what I did are you kidding me

well he is the one who knew it was a

comet no he didn't he thought it was an

eyelash and you thought it was a fuzzy

streak I mean do you even know what a

comet is yeah the thing I saw

first I honestly don't think that that

qualifies as a discovery but I took the

picture because I told you to like if a

monkey took the picture to discover the

comet excuse me

he didn't mean monkey get the hell out

of my apartment she didn't mean that

actually I think she did you should go

[Music]

Key Vocabulary

Vocabulary	Meanings
embodiment ɪmˈbɒd.i.mənt C1	noun - someone or something that represents a quality or idea exactly
resemblance rɪˈzem.bləns B2	noun - the fact that two people or things look like each other or are similar
wrath rɒθ C2	noun - extreme anger
catalyst ˈkæt.əl.ɪst C2	noun - an event or person that causes great change
valedictorian ˌvæl.ə.dɪkˈtɔː.ri.ən C2	noun - a student who has the highest grades in their graduating class
prestigious presˈtɪdʒ.əs B2	adjective - respected and admired as very important or of high quality
off-putting ˌɒfˈpʊt.ɪŋ C1	adjective - slightly unpleasant or worrying so that you do not want to get involved
syphilitic ˌsɪf.əˈlɪt.ɪk C2	adjective - affected by or relating to syphilis
betrayed bɪˈtreɪd B2	verb - feeling hurt because someone you trusted was disloyal to you
incandescent ˌɪn.kænˈdes.ənt C2	adjective - producing bright light (or showing extreme passion/emotion)
lackey ˈlæk.i C2	noun - a servant or someone who behaves like a servant by obeying orders
recapitulate ˌriː.kəˈpɪtʃ.ə.leɪt C2	verb - to repeat the main points of an explanation or description
rescind rɪˈsɪnd C2	verb - to officially cancel an agreement, law, or decision
incessantly ɪnˈses.ənt.li C1	adverb - without stopping, continuously
jeopardizing ˈdʒep.ə.daɪz.ɪŋ C1	verb - putting something in danger of being damaged or destroyed
effusive ɪˈfjuː.sɪv C2	adjective - expressing welcome, approval, or pleasure in a way that shows very strong feeling
obnoxious əbˈnɒk.ʃəs B2	adjective - very unpleasant or rude
repentance rɪˈpen.təns C2	noun - the fact of showing that you are very sorry for something bad you have done
promiscuous prəˈmɪs.kju.əs C2	adjective - having many sexual partners
plausible ˈplɔː.zə.bəl B2	adjective - possibly true, believable, or realistic