– English Lyrics

Lyrics & Translation

[English]

Hey, you guys, guess what? Barry and

Mindy are getting a divorce. Oh my god.

>> What is the matter with you?

>> No. Barry and Mindy.

>> Oh, sorry. I hear divorce. I immediately

go to Ross. [laughter]

>> Who? Who's Barry and Mindy?

>> Barry was the guy that I almost married.

And Mindy was my best friend.

>> Oh. Oh. Wasn't he cheating on you with

her?

>> Yeah, but that just means that he was

falling asleep on top of her instead of

me.

God, can you imagine if I'd actually

married him? I mean, how different would

my life be?

>> I know what you mean. I've always

wondered how different my life would be

if if id never gotten divorced.

>> Which time?

>> The first time. [laughter]

>> No, seriously. Imagine if Carol hadn't

realized she was a lesbian.

>> I can't. I keep seeing it the good way.

>> I bet I'd still be doing my karate.

Towards the end of our marriage, I was

doing a lot of karate as a way of

releasing the tension from, you know,

not doing anything else physical.

>> Maybe the problem was you were

pronouncing it karate. [laughter]

>> On the platform, ready to dance the

world into the new millennium and the

guy yells, "Cut?"

>> Wait, so you guys are telling me that

you actually did the routine from 8th

grade?

Yeah, but of course we had to update it

a little bit. But hey, by the way, quick

thinking about catching me.

[laughter]

>> Yeah, cuz I was going to say there's no

way you could have done the end the way

you guys did it back then. [laughter]

>> What? We could do it.

>> I don't know. I mean, you were a lot

bigger. I mean, stronger back then.

>> I can do it. Okay, come on. Let's go.

>> [laughter]

>> One, two, three, four, five, six, seven,

eight.

>> I can't do it.

>> Now you do that, you're on TV.

>> That is the most beautiful engagement

ring ever.

>> Yeah, well, you should know. You bought

like a billion of them. [laughter]

>> Yeah, you didn't get one.

>> Okay. Well, tonight's the big night.

>> Hey, listen. How are you going to ask

her?

>> It is going to be perfect. I am taking

her to her favorite restaurant, I'm

going to get her a bottle of the

champagne that she really loves,

therefore knows how expensive it is.

>> Then when the glasses are full, instead

of proposing a toast, I'm just going to

propose.

>> It sounds perfect.

>> You're going to mess it up. Let me do

it.

>> I'm not going to mess it up.

>> If she says no, can I have the ring?

>> She's not going to say no.

>> If

>> [laughter]

>> Hey.

>> Hey.

>> Hey.

[laughter]

>> Give it.

>> It's gone.

>> Phoebe.

>> I'm not.

[laughter]

>> We're practically kissing.

>> Ross, listen. You want anything to

drink? Cuz I'm heading up there.

>> Uh, yeah. I'll I'll take a coffee.

Thanks, Brand. Sure.

>> Coffee?

>> No.

>> Coffee? Cuz I'm going up there.

>> Oh, no. Thank you. [laughter]

>> You guys need anything? Cuz I'm heading

up there.

>> I'd love a ice water.

>> You got it.

[laughter]

>> Joey, what are you doing?

>> Just being friendly.

>> Joey, I I don't think you're supposed to

go back there.

>> No, no, it's okay. Right, Gunther?

>> Don't wink at me. [laughter]

Put on your apron.

>> Okay. [laughter]

I don't see you asking any other paying

customers to put on aprons. [laughter]

>> Joey, do you work here?

>> No.

>> Waiter.

>> Yeah.

[music]

>> Joey, what's going on? Why didn't you

tell us you work here? Well, that

that's kind of embarrassing, you know? I

mean, I was an actor. Now I'm a waiter

supposed to go in the other direction.

>> So's your apron. You're wearing it like

a cape.

>> I mean, the job's easy and the money's

good, you know? And I guess if I'm going

to be hanging out here anyway, I might

as well get paid for it, right? Just

feel kind of weird serving you guys, you

know?

>> Joey, come on. I did it and it was fine.

Yeah. Why would it be weird? Hey, Joey.

Uh, can I get some coffee?

>> Okay, I guess it doesn't seem that

weird.

>> Seriously, I I asked you before. You

still haven't gotten it.

See, now it's weird again.

>> I think it's great that you work here.

You're going to make a lot of money. And

here is your first tip.

Don't eat yellow snow.

215 coffee house.

Well, you know what? This is great.

Finally, I have someone I can pass on my

wisdom to. Let me tell you about a

couple things I learned while working at

the coffee house. Um, first of all, the

customer is always right. A smile goes a

long way.

And if anyone is ever rude to you,

sneeze muffin.

>> Thanks, Rage.

Hey, look, you guys are just terrific,

you know. Now, how about clearing out of

here so I can get some new customers?

Huh? It's all about turnover.

>> Joey,

seriously, can I get my coffee?

>> I'm sorry, Ross. I'll get it for you

right now. And since I made you wait,

I'll toss in a free muffin.

>> Uh, Phoebe's not here, is she?

>> No. Oh, great. Did you get a movie?

>> [applause]

>> Uh [cheering]

yeah. Yeah. But uh I don't think it's

the kind you're going to like.

>> You didn't get more movies that are

going to have us reaching for the

tissues all night, did you? [laughter]

[cheering]

[applause]

>> Sort of.

[cheering and applause]

>> Guys, what's going on?

>> PHOE'S A PORN STAR.

>> [laughter]

>> WHAT?

>> Phoebe Buffet in Buffet the vampire

layer.

>> My god, that's Phoebe. Where did you get

that?

>> Well, down at the adult video place on

Bleecker. And And I saw Joey was about

to go in, so I ran in ahead of him to to

surprise him. And And [laughter] then

then I pretended that I didn't know he

was in there.

>> [laughter]

>> Wow. I mean, I just can't I can't

believe this, you know? I mean, you

think you know someone, even even

Phoebe, who's always been somewhat of a

question mark. [laughter]

>> This is so bizarre.

I guess it kind of makes sense though.

She, you know, she had such a terrible

childhood.

>> I had a terrible childhood and I don't

do porn.

>> Yes, but you're dead inside.

>> All right. [laughter] Well, I better

take that back.

>> Why? Why?

I can't watch that. I mean, that's

Phoebe.

>> Yeah, you're right. We can't. We

shouldn't watch that.

>> Absolutely not. That goes back,

>> you know. Maybe a little bit. How about

just the first half?

>> Hey, no. THIS IS WRONG, YOU GUYS. PHOE'S

OUR FRIEND. WELL, I'm not going to watch

it.

>> Yeah. Good for you, Joe.

[laughter]

>> [laughter]

>> Ah, I thought I'd find you here. N for

Ratul. [laughter]

>> Buffet, are you going to plunge your

steak into my dark places?

>> Actually, I was kind of hoping it would

be the other way around.

[laughter]

>> Hold on a second. What is that on her

ankle?

>> Her ankle is what you're watching.

Well, it's hard to tell.

[laughter]

>> Oh gosh, she just stopped moving.

>> Just doing her job. [laughter]

You sick bastard.

>> It's a tattoo. That's weird. Phoebe. Oh,

>> wait. That's Ursula. That's not Phoebe.

That is Ursula.

>> I CAN WATCH THAT. REWIND IT. REWIND IT.

[cheering]

>> HEY.

>> OH, what's up? OH MY GOD, WHAT AM I

DOING?

>> HEY, what are you doing here? Shouldn't

you be at work? Uh,

>> they sent me home. They said I can't

work if I'm sick.

>> I'm so sorry that you're sick.

>> I'm not sick.

>> I don't get sick. Getting sick is for

weeklings. It's for pansies.

>> Honey, no one thinks that you're a

pansy, but we do think that you need a

tissue. [laughter]

I have not been sick in over 3 years.

>> I'm going to grab you some tissue. I

>> I don't need a tissue. I'm fine.

>> When you put a D at the end of fine,

you're not fine.

>> I'm fine.

I'm fine.

[laughter]

You know, it's a really hard word to

say. This is Patrick.

>> Oh, hi.

>> Hi.

>> Yeah. This is the guy I was telling you

about. Yeah. Yeah. And believe me, this

suit does not do justice to what's

underneath it.

[laughter]

>> Okay. But thieves, I can't I'm just sort

of in the middle of something.

>> Oh, okay. Yeah, that's okay. Have a

seat.

>> You can't do that.

>> Maybe I should go.

>> Sit down. We're winning.

[laughter]

>> Okay. You know what? Maybe I should go.

>> NO, NO, NO. HAVE A SEAT. You have a

seat.

>> Rachel. Rachel, you haven't touched El's

hair. It

>> is the softest hair. touch it.

>> I'm good. Rachel [laughter] Patrick is

really rich. Give her some money.

>> You know what, Phoebe? This isn't really

worth the free massage.

>> That's right, Patrick. Bye-bye.

>> No, [laughter] Ela is much more

cooperative and he can dance. You dance

for Rachel. [laughter]

>> No, no, no. Don't dance for me, please.

Don't

matter with you guys. Okay, let's talk

it out. I [laughter]

>> Am I the only one that this is

embarrassing for? I'm a little

embarrassed. Sh.

[laughter]

>> I'll tell you who should be embarrassed.

It's you guys. Come on. This is

ridiculous. Thank you very much, but I

do not need you to give me a date.

>> Then why did she ask us to

>> I am still talking. And then you chase

away the one guy that I actually liked.

I mean, no offense to you guys. Really?

I mean, congratulations on all the cash

and and YOU KNOW, YOU REALLY WELL, you

do have very soft hair, but I would much

rather go to the ball all by myself than

go through anymore of this. Goodbye.

>> Now, do you use some sort of special

CONDITIONER ON THAT HAIR? [laughter]

>> YES. Papaya extract.

>> Thank you.

[laughter]

>> I got something important to tell you.

Guys,

[laughter]

>> guys,

>> guys.

>> I'm going to ask Monica to marry me.

[clears throat]

>> I think we got to end the freeze out.

[laughter]

>> Wait a minute. Is this Is this for real?

>> Yeah. Check out the ring.

>> Oh my god.

So, you two are really serious.

>> [laughter]

>> Yeah, pretty much.

>> You You're going to get married? I mean,

>> we're going to be brothersin-law. Come

here. [laughter]

>> And and and we're going to be friends

again.

[laughter]

>> What?

>> Water under the bridge. Forget it.

>> I was going to wait till it was

official, you know, but I got so

excited. I just had to tell you guys cuz

you're my best friend. I

>> think I'm going to cry.

No more crying. Please. I just dumped

one cry baby. I'll dump you, too.

[laughter]

>> I'm going to ask Monica to marry me.

>> Oh my god.

Oh my god. [gasps]

Oh, Jiller. You guys are going to be so

happy.

>> I know.

>> Where's all the tissue? [laughter]

>> Check out the ring. Oh, nice. One and a

half karat. Easy. [laughter]

>> Hey, hey, Febs. Chandler's going to ask

Monica TO MARRY HIM.

>> OH, I KNOW. I HELPED PICK out the ring.

[laughter]

>> You told her before you told us.

[laughter]

>> Well, she walked in while I was looking

at the ring brochures. You can

understand that, right?

Guys,

>> guys, let me ask you, why is everybody

using these tiny little lights nowadays?

I remember when people used to use big

lights.

>> That's a good story, Grandpa.

>> Hey.

>> Hey.

>> Wow, Monica's letting other people help

decorate her tree. Did someone get her

drunk again?

>> [laughter]

>> Having a perfectly decorated tree is not

what Christmas is about. It's about

being with the people that you love.

>> That is nice. And we're done. Tada.

[laughter]

>> I don't know what it is. Just doesn't

quite feel like Christmas to me.

>> Oh, yes.

>> See, now it feels like Christmas.

>> Hey,

>> hey, check it out. This is unbelievable.

Joey has been holding his breath for

almost four minutes.

[laughter]

>> Dude, is he trying to kill me?

>> I want to ask you something.

>> Uhhuh. What? Um, well, since I'm moving

out and and you're so beautiful, um, how

about I move in with you?

>> Well, that would be great, but then what

do we do about Denise? [laughter]

>> Who's Denise?

>> My roommate. You have a roommate? Yes.

Denise. Denise.

>> Hey, what is with the secrecy, Phoebe?

Huh? And what about this Denise? She

cute.

>> I understand. How can you have a

roommate that none of us know about?

>> Maybe because you never listen to

anything that I say. I TALK ABOUT HER

ALL THE TIME. DENISE.

>> HEY, GRACE. LISTEN. I was thinking, uh,

I'm going to have an extra room over at

my place.

>> Oh, that's true.

>> Yeah. Why don't you move in with me?

It'll be great. We could like stay up

late talking and watch movies and you

know about Naked Thursdays, right?

>> Yeah. Yeah. I think I'm going to find my

own place.

>> Hey. Hey. I thought Naked Thursdays was

just our thing, man.

>> Hi, you guys.

>> Hey.

>> Hey. What's the matter? Well, it's just

it's one of these situations that I just

hate. You know, a massage clinic gave me

three tickets to the helmet pelts

exhibit at the Morgan Chase Museum.

>> Now you're thinking you got to sleep

with them.

>> [laughter]

>> No, no, it's just that he gave me three

tickets and there are six of us.

>> I'll give up my ticket. Me, too.

[laughter]

>> Okay, that's so generous.

>> And I think Ross is generous, too.

[laughter]

>> Great. Okay, then it's just us girls.

Great.

>> Yeah. [laughter]

>> So, what what is the exhibit?

>> It's mostly just photographs of um

lesbian love scenes interspersed with

video games AND FREE SANDWICHES.

>> [laughter]

>> OH MAN, what's [laughter]

>> Hey, Ross. Listen. Chandler got you out

of going to the lesbian sandwich museum

this weekend.

>> Can we come in yet? WE'RE DYING OUT

HERE.

>> Come in. Come in.

>> You're engaged.

>> [cheering]

[screaming]

>> This is the least jealous I've ever

been.

>> Oh no, wait. No, this is wrong. Ross

isn't here.

>> Oh.

>> Oh, HILLY'S DONE THIS THREE TIMES. HE

KNOWS WHAT IT'S ABOUT.

>> OKAY, this is it.

>> Are you sure you [music] want to do

this?

[laughter]

>> Hello, MRS. BRO,

you Rachel.

[laughter]

>> Whoa. Oh my god. [laughter]

>> Come on. Leaves. Hurry. Hurry. Hurry.

Hurry. Hurry.

>> Okay.

>> Oh my god. Is everybody getting married?

>> There's no running in the chapel. Hey,

don't you give me any of your Hey,

>> hey,

>> hey. [laughter]

>> What are you guys doing here?

>> Ross and Rachel left us a message saying

they were getting married. Isn't that

why you guys are here?

>> Yes, Peter, why wouldn't we?

>> Why else would we be here?

[laughter]

>> Well, what happened? Did we miss it? We

actually missed it.

>> Well, maybe you wouldn't have if you

could run in the chapel.

>> This is insane. What's the big deal? You

know, it's not like it's a real

marriage.

What?

>> Yeah. If you get married in Vegas,

you're only married in Vegas.

>> What are you talking about? If you get

married in Vegas, you're married

everywhere.

>> Really?

Oh my god.

Ah. Well,

>> hi.

>> Hey.

>> Oh, what's the matter?

>> Well, [clears throat]

you know that psychic I see?

>> Yeah. Well, she told me that I'm going

to die this week, so I'm kind of bummed

about that.

>> What?

>> Yeah. And I know you guys don't know a

lot about psychic readings, but that one

is pretty much the worst one you can

get.

[laughter]

>> That's crazy.

>> I can't believe she would say that to

you.

>> Yeah, honey. You don't believe her, do

you? I don't. She, you know, said that

I'd have triplets, but she also said one

of them would be black.

>> Just out of curiosity, did she tell you

how you're going to go? No, cuz she

didn't tell me I was going to die till

the very end of the session. And I was

not going to waste a whole other hour

there. I mean, I've only got a week

left, you know? I've really got to start

living now.

>> Hey. Hey, f. You're still alive.

>> How are you feeling? Oh, it's so

exhausting waiting for death.

>> [laughter]

>> Oh, by the way, do you think you

>> thieves? What are you doing?

>> I was preparing you for my death. Didn't

you think I was dead? Did that not come

off?

>> Oh, yeah. Scared the hell out of me. I

thought we'd lost you forever.

Fibs, do you want to lie down?

>> Yeah. Thanks. And listen, can you do me

a favor? Could you just um wake me up in

a couple hours? You know, if you can.

>> [cheering]

>> Hey. Hey. Listen to this.

My reading was wrong. I'm not going to

die.

>> Really? How do you know?

>> Because my psychic is dead.

>> She must have read the cards wrong.

>> Oh, I'm sorry. Better her than me.

>> Hey, let's bake cookies.

>> Hey. Hey. Hey.

>> Listen. Uh, you guys think I have a

chance with Janine? Well, honey, we have

been through this before.

>> Yeah, don't do this to yourself. She

made it pretty clear it is not going to

happen.

>> Well, all right then. I guess I

shouldn't get too excited about the fact

that I JUST KISSED HER.

>> THAT'S RIGHT. REALLY?

>> YEAH. WELL, we'll see.

[laughter]

>> You kissed her?

>> Oh, we kissed it up real nice.

[laughter]

>> So, you kissed her. So, what happened

after that?

>> I came over here to tell you guys.

So, she's just waiting over there for

you.

[laughter]

>> The pages are stuck together.

>> Chandler. [laughter]

>> Oh my god. She She made half an English

trifle and

half a shepherd's pie.

>> [music]

>> Yeah, this is so good that I'm going to

go enjoy it on the balcony

>> so I can enjoy the view whilst I enjoy

my dessert.

>> I've got to call my friend Mary and tell

her how good this is from Monica's room.

>> I'll help you dial.

I'm going to go into the bathroom so I

can look at it in the mirror as I eat

it. [laughter]

>> Okay. Now, what was that all about? Is

it Does it not taste good? Let me try

it.

>> No. No.

[laughter]

All done.

[laughter]

So good.

Maybe Jan has some left. [laughter]

That tastes like feet. [laughter]

I like it.

[laughter]

Are you kidding? What's not to like?

Custard, good. Jam, good. Meat, good.

[laughter]

So, a bird just grabbed it and then

[laughter]

and then tried to fly away with it and

and then just dropped it on the street.

[laughter]

>> Yes. But if it's any consolation, before

the bird dropped it, he seemed to enjoy

it. [laughter]

>> This is my favorite part. Yeah, me too.

[laughter]

>> Oh, you know what's sadder than this?

Bambi.

I cried for three days with that movie.

No, wait, two, cuz on the third day my

mother killed herself. So, I was partly

crying for that. [snorts]

[laughter]

>> Well, see now that I can see crying

over. But Bambi is a cartoon.

>> You didn't cry when Bambi's mother died?

>> Yes, it was very sad when the guy

stopped drawing the deer.

>> I thank you.

Oh,

>> coffee.

[laughter]

>> What are we going to talk about? What

you guys did last night or [laughter]

what? What made last night? Nothing.

Nothing uh nothing happened last night.

>> Uhhuh. Ross invited us to all to watch.

Ra, we weren't going to miss our friends

getting married.

>> Who got married?

>> You did?

>> What? [laughter]

>> Hello? We didn't get married.

>> Married? That's ridiculous.

[laughter]

[applause]

>> Wait, wait, wait, wait. I remember being

in a chapel. Wait, they they they would

not let us get married when we were that

drunk. They'll let you get married when

you're drunk. Most people getting

married in Vegas are drunk.

>> No, I'm drunk right now.

>> I can't have a mimosa with breakfast.

I'm on vacation.

>> What are you guys going to do? Oh, I

guess we just find a divorce lawyer.

>> Well, I think I think Ross already has

one.

>> Now, this one's free, right? Because you

paid for the first two, so you get the

third one for free.

Laugh it up. But the joke's on you

because we don't need to get divorced.

Okay. We We're just going to get an

anulment. An anulment? Ross. I don't

think surgery is the answer here.

>> Oh. Oh, that's your thing.

>> What?

>> You're the thing. You know that you're

the guy who gets divorced.

>> That's not my thing.

I do not love getting divorced.

>> Yes, you do. This is your third divorce.

God, you love divorce so much. I'm

probably going to marry it and then

[laughter]

then it won't work out. So, you're going

to have to divorce it. Divorcing guy.

[laughter]

I'm so drunk. God, Joey Trivani from

Days of Our Lives just walked in here.

>> Ra, he's a friend of ours.

>> You are friends with Dr. Drake Reaore.

>> It's kind of hard to be friends with

Drake because of his busy schedule and

the fact that he's not real. [laughter]

>> Hey. Hey. Or I could bring my keyboard

here sometime.

>> He's coming. He's coming over. Joey.

>> I know. Here. Here.

>> Oh,

no. This is my friend Rachel. We went to

high school together. [laughter]

>> I

I love you on that show. No,

>> I watch you every day. I mean, when you

took out your own kidney to save your

ex-wife, even though she tried to kill

you.

>> Well, it's always nice to meet the fans.

>> She's not crazy, is she?

>> So, uh, how are you doing? [laughter]

Key Grammar Structures

• If she says no, can I have the ring?

  ➔ First conditional (real present/future condition) with modal verb

  ➔ The clause "If she says no" is a real‑time condition; the main clause uses the modal "can" to ask for permission: "can I have the ring?"

• I would've married him if I hadn't been drunk.

  ➔ Third conditional (unreal past condition)

  ➔ "would've married" (= would have married) shows the imagined result in the past; "if I hadn't been drunk" is the unreal past condition.

• I'm going to ask Monica to marry me.

  ➔ "be going to" for future intention

  ➔ "I'm going to ask" uses the "be going to" construction to express a definite plan that will happen soon.

• She told me that I'd have triplets, but she also said one of them would be black.

  ➔ Reported speech with future‑in‑the‑past (would + infinitive)

  ➔ "would have" and "would be" are used after a reporting verb (told) to show what was predicted at that past moment.

• Don't wink at me.

  ➔ Negative imperative

  ➔ "Don't" + base verb forms a negative command: "Do not wink at me."

• You shouldn't have told us you work here.

  ➔ Modal perfect (shouldn't have + past participle)

  ➔ "shouldn't have told" expresses regret about an action that was done in the past and was a mistake.

• I can't believe she would do that.

  ➔ Modal verb "can" + bare infinitive + subordinate clause with "would" (expressing disbelief)

  ➔ "can't believe" indicates strong disbelief; "would do" refers to a hypothetical or unexpected action in the past/future.

• I have never gotten divorced.

  ➔ Present perfect negative

  ➔ "have never gotten" uses the present perfect to talk about an experience that has not happened up to now.

• It sounds perfect.

  ➔ Linking verb "sounds" + adjective (subject complement)

  ➔ "sounds" functions as a linking verb; the adjective "perfect" describes the subject "it".