Clears my sinuses right up.
00:07
You gonna share that crack you're doing or what?
00:08
- Crack? This is cold medicine.
- No, sir. It's crack.
00:10
I bought it on a park bench outside
a soup kitchen from a guy in a lime green suit.
00:15
Oh, my God, it's crack. Oh my God!
00:19
CIA agents are supposed to distribute
crack to the Inner city, not smoke it.
00:21
Okay, this is okay. Easy mistake, anyone could make it.
00:25
I'll throw this away and forget about it.
00:28
This is just between us, Roger.
All right. It will never happen again.
00:30
That's what I say every time I wear the plunger penis.
00:35
I said I wouldn't do this again.
00:43
Do you sometimes feel irritable,
restless, uneasy, sad, normal,
00:46
or just plain? Not high? Maybe it's time to try crack.
00:50
Crack may cause shivers, night terrors, gay for pay.
01:02
Heart palpitations, homicidal paranoia,
or the sensation that you're on fire.
01:04
Peeing blood and seeing friends faces
as talking skeletons are possible side effects of crack.
01:08
People who use crack may also
experience 5 to 7 years in prison,
01:13
where brutal raping may occur.
01:16
If you experience one or more of these
side effects, consult your dealer,
01:17
you may need more crack.
01:20
Crack. Isn't it time you see what all the fuss is about?
01:22
So I was trying to be her best friend like you wanted.
01:29
So, Cookie, do you like ponies?
01:33
Uh, no. I'm almost 16.
01:35
Oh. So, what do you like?
01:37
Wake up bitch! Get your ass up!
01:51
- Wake up!
- Ow, i'm awake. What do you want?
01:55
- I want the money you owe me.
- I don't have any more money.
01:57
Take this fool outside and shoot him in the head.
02:00
I don't want to go outside.
Hey, it's beautiful out.
02:02
You've been inside all day.
02:05
Now you are gonna go out there, get some fresh air
02:07
and get shot in the head.
02:10
- Wait, how much do I owe?
- 300 bucks.
02:12
I'll sell you the girl for $300.
02:14
Plus $1.35 for the bus.
02:16
And the name of a plumber I can trust at my house
when I go to work. I'm asking everybody.
02:17
JKM Plumbing's coming on Tuesday.
02:22
Wow. Roger, these are beautiful.
02:25
Did you make them yourself?
02:28
I went to target myself. I told you,
I want this to be special for you.
02:29
Later, I'm cooking you a gourmet meal.
02:34
Plus, I made you a sheet of acid.
02:36
Each tab features a little alien saying,
02:38
"Take me to your dealer."
02:40
They usually say leader, but this,
02:42
this alien likes drugs.
02:44
This is so thoughtful. This whole thing is just too thoughtful.
02:48
When is Roger ever done anything just to be nice?
He always has an ulterior motive.
02:54
Dude, that's true. Maybe these psychedelics
will help us see through his plan.
02:58
Jeff, no! Look, until we figure out
what Roger's up to, we should do nothing.
03:03
Trust nothing. Take nothing.
03:07
Can I take a Benadryl if I get stung by a bee?
03:10
Yes, Jeff, you can take that.
03:12
What about Roger's homemade Benadryl?
03:14
That's good that you're asking me about these things.
03:16
Oh, no. Roger's acid!
03:24
Each of these things can make a full grown man trip balls.
03:26
Imagine what they'll do to a four ounce goldfish.
03:30
Cracker? I think I'm crackering up.
03:35
They're all here. Milanos, Chessman, Pretzel fiends.
03:44
Congratulations, Klaus. You're high as shit.
03:51
And of course, I couldn't feel a thing
because of all the steroids I was on.
03:55
Rob McClanahan, the US hockey team
is on a roll no one expected.
04:02
How are you playing so well?
04:06
Well, you know, we're all about the team.
04:07
We focus on fundamentals and
listen to what coach tells us.
04:09
I'll kill your mother!
04:12
The team was on steroids?
Not the team. Just me.
04:20
Yeah. I couldn't get on the ice without my old Uncle Roi...d.
04:24
I don't believe this.
04:27
Believe it. That's why my penis is so small.
But you know what? Worth it.
04:29
This is the only thing I need to dangle to get the ladies.
04:32
I told you, I have a plan. Did you pack your stuff?
04:36
Good. Things should be getting better right about,
04:39
Are you crazy, pushing me in the pool?
04:51
I had 40 hits of ecstasy in my pocket.
04:53
Buckle up, lot of kids,
they're gonna have to go to the hospital.
04:56
All right. I got everything we need.
04:59
Chocolate milk, cheese puffs and some Turkish
amphetamines, I scored in the bathroom.
05:01
Whoa, whoa! Legs, you sure that's a good idea?
05:05
I've never been more sure of anything in my life.
05:07
See? Everything in moderation.
05:11
Now I'm gonna have five cheese puffs. No more.
05:13
Legs, please, just pull over.
05:18
Why are you calling me Legs?
Is there something wrong with my legs?
05:20
Is that why there's a wheelchair in the car?
05:23
What did you do to my legs, you Nazi walrus bastard?
05:25
Steve, who is he talking to?
05:29
Shut up Garfield! Why do you hate Mondays?
You don't even work.
05:31
I know what we need.
05:36
It's cocaine.
Yeah definitely cocaine
05:38
I say we get rockets and a buttload of duct tape
and blast the neighbor's house off our street.
05:44
Love that.
Oh, that's good.
05:48
Steve, tell me you got that down.
05:50
I'm having trouble keeping up, dad.
05:51
Are you sure? I shouldn't have just a little taste.
05:52
Just give him a gummer, Stan.
05:55
You crazy? Kids got huge gums.
There won't be enough for us.
05:56
What if I wear the neighbor's house like a big hat,
with all the family stuffed inside,
06:00
and just walk him out of our neighborhood for good?
06:04
These ideas are fire! Steve, are you getting down all the fire?
06:09
Now snap a pic. God, the camera
on this phone is so good.
06:14
I can see like, chalk particles.
06:18
Hurry, Stan, we need to print that pic and
execute the plan now, while our highs are peeking.
06:20
Oh, Jessica has a printer and I'm still connected to her Wi-Fi.
06:24
Bam! Just texted you the plans.
06:27
When we get over there, Francine will find
the printer on the sly and print one for everyone.
06:29
We can all sign one and I'll get it framed.
06:34
Oh, I love the frame shop. People love me at the frame shop.
06:36
What am I doing with my life?
I should work at the frame shop.
06:39
Okay, okay. He's got the job.
06:42
I gotta get a picture.
06:46
I just sent our plans to the neighbor's printer.
Back to Cherry Street.
06:52
Principal Lewis, we've cleaned
your whole house. Can we go now?
06:59
Hell, no. You haven't even started on the backyard.
07:04
We're gonna die here.
07:09
I can't do this anymore. I'm just gonna take this.
07:10
It paralyzes you. If I can't move, I can't work.
07:14
I got it from Ace Chapman,
that basketball guy who sometimes lives with us.
07:18
Why don't we just give it to Principal Lewis?
07:22
Oh, good idea, babe. But how are
we gonna get him to take it?
07:25
I'll step on his foot, and when he opens his mouth to
scream, you toss the drugs.
07:29
What's that? Drugs? I'll take it. I don't care what it does.
07:32
You crazy ass son of a bitch!
07:38
Now you only have four.
07:42
Can you plug in the air freshener plug in?
It stinks down here.
07:45
Yeah false alarm. Just my principal.
08:29
♪ Well, who puts the bath in the Beth, my best alto? ♪
♪ Who gives the road, that makes Barry very baritone? ♪
08:31
♪ Yes, it's me. Now Smith, take these PEDs ♪
08:39
You have to for the good of the whole team.
08:44
Somebody needs some morphine.
08:55
And what the hell, some for you too.
09:00
Come into my house really fast, really fast!
09:15
This guy's got a great energy.
09:17
Welcome to Paradise. Let me outline your night for you.
09:22
We sit around, we huff dry cleaning chemicals.
09:26
We have a scintillating conversation.
09:28
I have only one rule. I feel silly even mentioning it.
09:30
Nobody's allowed to turn into a washing machine.
09:33
It happens. And if it does, I will take care of business.
09:36
Second rule, so the conversation remains orderly.
09:41
You speak when I have the knife to your throat.
09:44
You have the floor, milady.
09:46
Mr. Rick, I need to use the restroom.
09:48
It's the first door past the old Hollywood video sign.
09:53
This guy is giving me bad vibes.
09:57
The toilet's right here. And the toilet's scrubbing
brushes all the way over there.
10:02
We prove we could get wild,
but I think we should go home now.
10:08
This is my first time getting wild.
10:12
I'm not going back to my cage.
10:14
I'm flying straight to the sun.
10:16
How are you guys doing?
10:19
If you spilled on yourselves. Don't worry,
I have two bedrooms full of women's clothes.
10:20
I am particularly proud of my sundress collection.
10:23
But not so proud. I couldn't see myself giving you
one if I thought it looked good on you.
10:26
Jeff, I think we should get out of here.
10:31
Bathroom time is over.
10:35
What game are we playing?
10:42
It's hot potato with a loaded gun.
10:44
My dear friend Tom Sizemore taught me this game.
10:46
Tetrachloroethylene? Tetrachloroethylene?
10:52
They're afraid of a little gun Domenico!
11:09
Psych, psych, psych!
11:12
You guys hear that? Someone's at the door.
11:17
Could be a washing machine.
11:19
My dry cleaner is dead.
11:24
I am so sorry, Del Taco.
11:28
Paul Gary isn't a mixologist, so I enrolled
at Pearl Bailey to use the chemistry lab
11:32
because I am now a Paul Gary drug mixologist.
11:36
I mix illegal narcotics together to see what they do.
11:42
And recently I came across something interesting.
11:45
I was working in my lab late one night
when my eyes beheld an eerie sight.
11:48
That's monster mash, right? You're doing monster mash?
11:54
Anyway, I was working in the lab late one night,
♪ When my eyes beheld an eerie sight ♪
11:57
♪ I had acid on a tab, weed in a bag♪
♪ A splash of ether on a rag ♪
12:04
♪ He did the mash ♪
12:10
♪ I did the narcotics mash ♪
12:11
♪ It was a coked out bash ♪
12:15
This is Monster mash!
12:17
I don't know that song. I don't know any songs.
12:19
All I do know, is your moms are MILDs.
Mothers I'd Like to Drug.
12:23
And the mash I discovered in my lab, works as a love drug.
12:27
Drugs can make people fall in love?
12:31
Drugs can do almost anything once
you realize they're super good for you.
12:33
Anyway, I'm proposing we dose your moms with
the Love drug and make them fall back in love.
12:37
Steve, are you actually thinking about doing this?
12:44
What other options do we have?
12:47
We only brainstormed for like,
two seconds before we started talking to this guy.
12:50
Snots in love that enthusiasm.
12:54
I'll mix up the drugs and you two trick
your moms into meeting up.
12:56
- What is this?
- Don't leave me in here
13:07
Congrats on a perfectly executed
drugging boys to the 33rd floor.
13:08
I really hope this works.
13:16
Did you even notice that I basically teleported us up here?
13:18
I was impressed.
Thank you.
13:21
Snot's mom's kid. Now, by the time these
doors open, your moms will be fast friends.
13:23
Unless the dose is too strong.
13:28
Are you two prepared to see your moms hooking up?
13:30
I'm not saying it's what I want to see,
but I won't be disappointed.
13:33
Well, I hope you two
13:37
What is happening? They're worse than before.
13:41
This might not be a Love drug.
13:45
Yeah, this is meth. I made meth.
13:47
Well, when in Rome.
13:49
Well, this is surprising.
13:56
Now, be careful out there, girls.
14:00
I can handle losing a few grams of product.
14:02
I don't know what I'd do if I lost one of you.
14:04
Now I'll quit jibber jabbering and let you
girls stuff those coke condoms up your asses.
14:08
Great work, Jazmin. You too, Sydney.
14:13
Mateo buddy, what's wrong?
Where's that famous Mateo smile?
14:16
Mateo smile hides today.
14:21
Well, that's no good. Want me to buy
you a poster of the planets?
14:23
No, Mr. Uncle Steve, it's just,
14:27
Well, Mr. Klaus, he sort of
14:31
First, I told you I want to be called Razor.
14:35
How hard is that to remember?
Maybe you need a little reminder.
14:38
Every time you dance.
14:42
Razor a word. You've been acting a little erratic lately.
14:45
I know it's terrible. I think I know what it might be.
14:49
I feel like super disconnected from the family. I mean,
Hayley said that thing about me being nearby,
14:55
and it got me spinning out, and I feel like, hold on.
15:00
I feel like I'm trying to make the gang a new family.
15:03
But the Razor thing I mean is, this is not a home run yet.
15:04
Ridiculous. You're the Razor.
That means something around here.
15:08
Maybe just a little less coke,
a little less threatening people's toes.
15:13
Who says I'm doing too much coke?
15:17
Okay. Shoes on everyone. Razors in one of his moods.
15:18
Now I got something that'll blow your mind.
15:21
This machine scans your brain and determines
the perfect strain of weed for your personality.
15:25
Me, me me, me me. I love weed, I love weed,
I love weed, I love weed. Please.
15:32
Man, I hate this lady. Why did I make this contest random?
15:37
You, I noticed you didn't eat anything in my edible meadow.
15:41
I shouldn't. I don't really smoke the stuff.
15:45
Don't smoke any stuff except fools who stepped to me.
15:49
But that's just an expression.
15:52
If you don't, I'm gonna think you a narc.
15:53
What mission? Of course not. Give me that.
15:56
That's the swirly thing. Love that marble.
16:02
There's my mouse. Blue dots. That's my logo.
16:06
Your personalized strain. C High A
whatever that means. Tokes up!
16:12
Whoa! You're doing it, Mr. S.
16:19
That went down pretty easy.
16:26
The helmet needs to recharge or else
16:29
♪ Seven, six, five into the fold ♪
16:34
♪ This chick was super pushy, now she's dead on the floor ♪
16:37
Here, dad, drink this tea.
16:39
It was Jeff's Brazilian tea.
16:42
Dad, you're out of time.
16:45
Maybe this will rewire your mind,
help you improvise, and beat Bullock.
16:47
I haven't had mushroom tea in ages.
16:51
- You did it last weekend at the Sheraton Hotel bar.
- Sheraton Hotel bar
16:54
I'm starting to feel something.
17:00
I think I should sit down.
17:07
You already fell down. You're lying by your throw up bucket.
17:09
Dad, Dad are you okay? Dad, are you okay?
17:39
I got this I can go with the flow I can beat Bullock.
18:20
That North Pole snow hits different, y'all.
18:36
Hey, chief, you want to hit the slopes?
18:39
You know it snows year round here, but we still
have to import some snow from Columbia.
18:42
Solid joke. I've laughed every time you've said it.
But please, I can't party anymore.
18:48
I know exactly what you need.
A Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary. Yes!
18:52
Bloody bloody, bloody bloody!
Bloody bloody, bloody bloody!
18:58
Bloody what? Bloody what? Bloody what? Bloody Mary!
19:00
Elian? Is that you baby?
19:05
Come on in, you're safe here.
I will not send you back to Cuba.
19:08
Doctor Ya Ya, we'd like to talk to you
about getting some ecstasy.
19:12
What do you know about ecstasy?
19:15
Only that you created it.
19:16
I'm trying to create it. Me and my roommate, Dave.
19:18
We're very close to cracking the formula.
19:22
We have the MDM, but we're missing something.
19:24
Of course. Amphetamine! The missing ingredient.
19:30
That's my stationery. My handwriting.
19:34
How did you get this? Who are you?
19:37
We're time travelers from the future.
19:39
Now, I'm sure you have a lot of questions.
19:41
We only have until midnight.
Tell us where we can get some amphetamines?
19:43
Dave's been partying for four days straight.
19:49
He's a great artist.
19:53
He painted the painting you see behind me.
19:54
Let's see what we have. Some downers,
yellow jackets, a Tinkerbell keychain,
19:56
which I will hold on to. Here we go.
20:00
Oh, my God, I have such a feeling of euphoria.
20:10
I, I... Glow stick dance!
20:15
Our years of research have finally paid off.
20:22
This will make your younger self totally uninhibited.
20:26
How can I ever repay you?
20:28
Someday I'll call on you for a favor.
20:31