I don't mean to be a jerk, but the baby
00:02
with the rash came in after me.
00:03
>> The doctor will be right with you, sir.
00:07
>> Mommy, I can't find Waldo.
00:14
>> What, the circus? He's behind the
00:16
So, your child's a big fan of the Waldo
00:20
>> Yeah, that's that's how I know.
00:25
I'm Ross, by the way.
00:29
>> So, no ring, can I assume you're also a
00:32
>> I am a single parent.
00:36
>> It's hard, isn't it? Uh there's almost
00:38
no time for a social life. I mean, where
00:40
are you going to meet someone?
00:42
let's say, I don't know, yeah, you met
00:45
pediatrician's office.
00:48
>> Rossi, we're ready for you.
00:51
>> Come on, Ross Junior, it's time to go
01:05
Mommy, what's wrong with that man?
01:17
>> Hey, I helped you FIND WALDO.
01:19
>> WHO'S making the decision?
01:23
>> Professor Sherman. Yeah, meeting with
01:25
>> Well, he's a pretty tough guy to
01:27
>> Yeah, well, I think I know how to dazzle
01:29
you're not going to do a magic trick,
01:33
The data we're receiving from MRI scans
01:46
and DNA testing of these fossils are are
01:49
>> I mean, we've been accepting Leakey's
01:54
dates as as a given, But if they're off
01:56
by even a hundred thousand years or so,
01:58
then you can you can just throw most of
02:00
our assumptions, you know, right in the
02:03
So So, what I'm saying is is
02:07
is that uh re- repercussions
02:13
could could be huge. I mean, not just in
02:16
in paleontology, but if you think about
02:19
it in in evolutionary biology, uh
02:22
genetics, uh geology. I mean, truly the
02:25
Well, that's not what you want.
02:33
>> Joey, hey, I need to talk to Charlie. Is
02:44
>> No, she uh she went shopping with
02:46
Rachel. Why, what's up?
02:48
>> Well, I'm meeting with Professor Sherman
02:49
about my being the keynote speaker.
02:51
>> Oh, how's it going?
02:53
>> It could be better.
02:55
But I already bought my ticket to
03:01
>> Fine, I'll rent the car and drive.
03:06
Ross, you have to get that job.
03:09
>> Well, what am I supposed to do? He's
03:11
cold. In fact, he was just talking in
03:13
his sleep before and evidently he wants
03:15
someone named Fran to spank him harder.
03:18
>> W- Well, just wake him up.
03:22
>> I can't. If he realizes that I'm the one
03:24
who put him to sleep, I won't get the
03:26
>> Oh, that's a tough one.
03:29
This happened to me before. Yeah, I was
03:32
auditioning for a play and the producer
03:35
It was me who fell asleep.
03:42
Yeah, I mean, hey Shakespeare, how about
03:44
a chase scene once in a while?
03:46
>> My god, you really want me to be the
04:26
>> Your wish is going to come true, but you
04:40
guys, just in case, maybe a genie will
04:42
come out if we RUB THIS LAMP.
04:43
THAT THING GETS HOT.
04:48
>> YOU KNOW, ROSS, JUST keep making your
04:50
jokes. How are you going to feel if we
04:51
>> Uh you're not going to win.
04:54
>> Oh, I know. I know the odds are against
04:55
us, but somebody has to win, and it
04:57
could be us. And then how you going to
04:59
feel? You know, we're going to be all
05:01
like, "Oh, everybody, let's take our
05:03
helicopters up to the Cape." And you're
05:04
going to And you're going to be all
05:06
like, "Oh, I can't, guys. I'll have to
05:07
meet you up there. I got to gas up the
05:09
>> Okay, I've heard myself on tape, and I
05:16
sound nothing like that.
05:17
>> I can see the headline now. Lottery
05:20
winner's friend filled with regret eats
05:22
>> Why would I eat my own arm?
05:26
>> Well, you wouldn't, but we own the
05:28
paper, we can print whatever we want.
05:29
>> You know what, Ross? I'm going to throw
05:32
in 50 bucks for you.
05:33
>> Because I know I know that you think
05:36
that the lottery is boo hockey.
05:37
But we're all here, and we're going to
05:41
watch the numbers and have fun.
05:42
You're my brother, and I want you to be
05:44
>> We don't have to do that. I mean, I'll
05:49
I'll pay for myself, but just the fact
05:51
that you you want me to have fun with
05:54
you guys. That's so sweet. Come here.
05:55
>> Enough talking. I I have to get moving.
06:01
Hey, check out those two blondes over
06:05
>> Are you trying to get everybody
06:10
Come on, you don't have to do anything.
06:13
>> It'll just be easier if it's the two of
06:15
us, like college. Uh remember? First you
06:16
uh break the ice with some kind of a
06:19
joke so they know you're the funny one,
06:21
then I swoop in with some interesting
06:22
conversation so they'll see that I'm the
06:24
brilliant, brooding, sexy one.
06:26
>> I thought I got to make the jokes.
06:32
Don't you have to be at work?
06:37
>> Chandler. Uh this is my friend Ross
06:45
>> And uh we were wondering you know, if
06:48
you're up for it, we only need six more
06:49
people for a human pyramid.
06:51
so um uh oh hey, I I noticed you're
07:00
another flood in Europe, huh?
07:05
Um here's a question.
07:10
Would you Would you rather drown or be
07:13
>> I'm sorry. We're just leaving.
07:20
I couldn't help but notice uh but that's
07:40
that's an unusual necklace.
07:42
>> You already hit on me an hour ago.
07:44
>> Right, so that's a firm no.
07:49
Believe this, I just keep striking out.
07:58
>> I don't get it either.
08:01
I mean, you're obviously desperate.
08:04
You're asking women how they want to be
08:07
>> Well, this is great. Rachel's going to
08:11
keep kissing guys until she finds the
08:12
one she wants, and I'm I'm going to die
08:15
>> We finally found a nanny. This is Molly.
08:21
Molly, Chandler, Joey.
08:23
>> Well, somebody's getting a little fussy.
08:28
>> Damn right I am. I've been waiting for a
08:30
cookie for 7 minutes.
08:32
>> Okay. You know what? I'm just going to
08:35
>> No, you stay. I'll do it.
08:37
>> Nice to meet you, guys.
08:40
>> Yeah, you too. You too.
08:41
>> Oh, wow. Molly's just great.
08:44
>> Yes, bravo on the hot nanny.
08:46
>> What? You really think she's hot?
08:50
>> Are you kidding? If I wasn't married,
08:52
she'd be rejecting me right now.
08:54
>> How do you think she's doing?
09:00
>> Am I the only one that doesn't think
09:04
that she's hot, Ross?
09:05
I mean, she's not unattractive, but but
09:09
>> Now that Rachel's gone, so hot I cried
09:19
myself to sleep last night.
09:21
>> Oh, you you look uh
09:27
I mean, it's just uh that
09:31
>> I hope the ends of these sentences are
09:36
>> Oh, they're they're good. It's just been
09:39
a while since I have seen you like this.
09:41
You you clean up good.
09:42
Okay, stop. Stop looking at me like
09:52
that. Last time that happened, that
09:53
>> Oh, right. Right.
09:55
So, are you uh you excited about your
10:02
your first night away from Emma?
10:05
>> Yeah. Yeah, Phoebe and I are going to
10:06
have so much fun. And thank you for
10:08
watching the baby, by the way.
10:10
>> Oh, it's fine. Actually, I I invited
10:11
>> I didn't know that you guys hung out.
10:16
>> So, we don't, but I thought it'd be nice
10:17
to get to know him. You know, maybe have
10:18
a little dinner, drinks, conversation.
10:20
>> Aw, that's so cute. Ross and Mike's
10:23
>> HEY, ROSS IS HERE. HEY, LOOK, IT'S MY
10:29
good friend Ross. Hey, Ross.
10:32
>> Hey, and oh, look, and he brought
10:38
flowers. Oh, thanks, Ross. I'm really
10:40
more of a candy kind of guy.
10:42
>> You're weird today.
10:47
I wanted to talk to you about something.
10:52
>> Yeah, actually, um I kind of need to
10:54
>> Uh Joey, can you give us a minute?
10:57
>> I'm sorry. I meant no.
11:03
>> Congratulations.
11:11
I didn't want to say anything in front
11:13
of Joey cuz I didn't know if he knew
11:14
>> What? That we had a baby? Let's give him
11:16
Although, he did eat a piece of plastic
11:20
>> No, no, but you and Rachel are engaged.
11:24
Oh, goody. Yes. Oh, we haven't done the
11:31
secret thing in a long time.
11:33
>> Phoebe, there is no secret, okay? I
11:36
>> Are you lying? Is this like that time
11:39
you tried to convince us you were a
11:41
You know what? I'm just going to go and
11:53
and talk to Rachel myself.
11:55
>> All right. I'll meet you.
11:56
Well, should we wake her up?
12:01
Come on, let her sleep. She's so
12:03
>> Yet so engaged. Dum dum dum.
12:06
>> Oh my god. She She thinks we're engaged.
12:19
Why? Why? Why would she think we're
12:24
>> Perhaps because you gave her an
12:27
You know, Ross, doctors are supposed to
12:31
>> I didn't give her that ring.
12:35
>> So, whose ring is it?
12:38
>> Is it an engagement ring?
12:43
>> But you didn't give it to her?
12:45
>> But you were going to propose?
12:47
>> Huh. I might be losing interest in this.
12:50
Look, my mom gave me that ring because
12:54
she wanted me to propose to Rachel, but
12:57
all I wanted to do was see if she maybe
13:00
kind of wanted to start things up again.
13:03
>> Oh, what beautiful lukewarm sentiment.
13:06
>> Look, I didn't want to rush into
13:09
anything, and it seemed like she didn't
13:11
want to either. But I don't I don't
13:12
understand how how any of this happened.
13:14
What? Did she find the ring in my
13:16
jacket, assume I was going to propose,
13:18
throw it on, and then just start telling
13:20
>> No. No, she said you actually proposed
13:24
>> Well, I didn't. I didn't propose.
13:27
I HAVEN'T SLEPT IN 40 hours and
13:43
it does sound like something I would do.
13:49
Oh, I can't. I've I've got a date with
13:53
that waitress Katie. Yeah, I I know
13:55
we've only gone out like twice, but I
13:58
don't know. I have a really good feeling
14:00
>> Oh, I hear divorce bells.
14:03
Just give me your wallet and there won't
14:07
>> Oh, okay. Just just relax, Phoebe. Just
14:10
Oh my god, I can't FIND MY WALLET.
14:16
>> ALL RIGHT, LADY.
14:20
NOW, GIVE ME YOUR PURSE.
14:21
>> What do you mean, no? I knew you'd be my
14:24
death, PHOEBE BUFFAY.
14:25
>> LYLE, IS THAT YOU?
14:29
I'M SORRY, ROSS. THIS IS MY OLD FRIEND
14:37
LYLE from the streets.
14:39
>> Ross, nice to meet you. Uh real
14:43
>> IT'S BEEN SO LONG.
14:47
OH, IT'S BEEN SO LONG.
14:49
I CAN'T BELIEVE you're still doing this.
14:51
>> Uh I know, but I quit smoking.
14:53
>> So, you look like you're doing really
14:56
well. I guess your mugging days are
14:57
Phoebe, you used to mug people?
15:03
>> Excuse me, Ross.
15:06
Old friends catching up.
15:08
>> What kind of stuff do you think they'll
15:10
>> Well, it's a training program, but at
15:11
the end they hire the people they like.
15:13
>> Yeah, I mean there's probably going to
15:16
be some grunt work, which will probably
15:17
stink. You know, grown man getting
15:18
people coffee is a little humiliating.
15:20
Humiliating and noble.
15:25
You know, if I didn't already have a
15:32
job, I I think I would have been really
15:33
good in advertising.
15:35
>> Ross, you did not come up with got milk.
15:36
>> Yes, I did. I did.
15:39
I SHOULD HAVE WRITTEN IT DOWN.
15:43
>> I'm all packed and ready to go.
15:47
Oh. That's right. Daddy and Uncle Joey
15:49
are going on a trip today. We're going
15:51
to a conference in Barbados.
15:53
>> Can you say Barbados?
15:56
>> I just got to say, it means so much to
16:03
me that you guys are coming all the way
16:05
over there to to hear me give my speech.
16:07
Oh, and I have a surprise.
16:09
I had to pull some strings, but I was
16:11
able to get everyone passes to the
16:12
entire conference. That's right.
16:14
These babies will get you into all the
16:19
paleontology lectures and seminars.
16:21
>> Do you have anything that will get us
16:24
>> Yeah, Ross, I mean, we're excited to
16:29
hear the speech, but the rest of the
16:31
time we're going to want to do, you
16:32
know, island stuff.
16:33
>> I think David will probably want to hear
16:34
>> Oh, right, because he's a scientist.
16:36
>> No, no, well, because, you know, he's
16:38
been in Minsk for 8 years, and if he
16:40
gets too much direct sunlight, he'll
16:41
>> Okay, we better go. Yeah? Um, so, we'll
16:45
see you guys tomorrow.
16:48
>> All right, let's do it. 5-hour flight
16:49
with Charlie, have a couple drinks, get
16:51
under that blanket, and do what comes
16:53
>> It's a blanket, Joe, not a cloak of
16:55
>> I just finished getting Phoebe all
17:00
dressed to meet Mike's parents. She's so
17:02
>> Guess what? I made Emma laugh today.
17:06
>> You what? And I missed it because I was
17:08
giving a makeover to that stupid hippie?
17:11
>> Yeah, and it was a it was like a real
17:15
little person laugh, too. It was It WAS
17:17
ONLY ONLY NOT CREEPY.
17:28
WELL, WELL, what did you do to make her
17:32
Well, I sang. Actually,
17:35
You sang to our baby daughter
17:46
a song about a guy who likes to have sex
17:50
with women with giant asses?
17:52
>> But, you know what? If you think about
17:56
it, it actually promotes a healthy uh
17:57
Because even big butts or uh juicy
18:02
Please don't take her away from me.
18:13
Uh please laugh for Mommy. Please.
18:19
Please laugh for Mommy.
18:22
only offensive novelty rap?
18:33
Or maybe just, you know, rap in general?
18:37
My name is Mommy, and I'm here to say
18:42
that all the babies are Oh, I can't rap.
18:46
All right, sweetheart.
18:51
This is only because I love you so much,
18:54
and I know that you're not going to tell
18:57
big butts, and I cannot lie.
19:12
You other brothers can't deny.
19:16
When a girl walks in with an itty-bitty
19:20
waist and a round thing in your face,
19:22
OH, I LIKE BIG BUTTS AND I CANNOT LIE.
19:28
YOU OTHER BROTHERS CAN'T DENY.
19:32
OH, EMMA, YOU'RE LAUGHING. OH, you are.
19:34
You really do like big butts. Don't you?
19:37
Oh, you beautiful little weirdo.
19:41
>> Oh, you missed it. SHE WAS LAUGHING. OH,
19:47
it was amazing. It was amazing. It was
19:50
the most beautiful beautiful sound.
19:53
>> Oh, I know. Isn't it? Oh, what did you
19:56
do to get her to laugh?
19:58
you know, I just a couple little things
20:02
I tried different. Just saying little
20:04
>> You sang Baby Got Back, didn't you?
20:09
>> Nothing else worked. That girl is all
20:12
>> She sweat, wet, got it going like a
20:18
>> Has your girlfriend GOT THE BUTT?
20:24
>> Shake that nasty butt.
20:29
>> One more time from the top. I LIKE BIG
20:32
BUTTS and I cannot lie.
20:36
>> Rachel, please. That is so
20:42
>> I got bottled breast milk.
20:52
>> Yeah, why don't we start with the beer?
20:56
Phoebe tells me you you play piano.
21:04
>> You know, I I used to play keyboards in
21:07
>> Huh? Do you have one here?
21:10
>> Um I you know, I'm
21:34
Phoebe Phoebe says you you've been
21:39
Yeah, I'm I'm sorry. I don't I don't
21:45
really like to talk about it.
21:46
>> That's okay. We'll we'll talk about
21:51
>> So you're a a paleontologist, right?
22:03
>> My cousin's a paleontologist.
22:06
>> Well, he and I would probably have a lot
22:13
I promise, first thing tomorrow we'll
22:16
find another doctor, but I got to go to
22:17
Burleigh and I'm not feeling all that
22:19
>> What? Why why why why you not feeling
22:21
well? What do you have? Is it rubella?
22:22
Because don't go near Emma. She has not
22:24
>> You know, come to think of it it it does
22:27
NOW HE'S GOING TO KNOW IT WAS ME!
22:49
>> I COULD JUST lie here all day.
22:51
Open your drapes. Open your drapes.
22:56
>> So glad we got adjoining rooms.
22:58
>> HEY, remember when I had Corneas?
23:03
>> Okay, listen, you go down to the pool
23:06
and reserve the chairs and I'll get the
23:08
magazines and the lotion.
23:09
>> Uh ladies, Ross's speech is in 45
23:10
>> WALLS ARE PRETTY THIN, GUYS.
23:16
>> THEN WE have to weigh the data from
23:24
recent MRI scans and DNA testing,
23:26
which call into question information
23:31
gathered from years of simple carbon
23:33
>> Look at that woman sitting out by the
23:36
So leathery and wrinkled. I'M SO
23:40
>> FINALLY, FACTOR IN THE profusion of new
23:44
species recently discovered,
23:46
>> not to mention coldsaurus.
23:53
>> And that's just the herbivores. I'm not
23:58
even going to discuss the carnivores. Uh
24:00
their heads are already too big, which
24:02
is ironic considering their stunted
24:04
CEREBRAL DEVELOPMENT.
24:06
>> LISTEN, I WANTED to ask you something
24:12
>> Oh great, now you're seeking me out to
24:15
make jokes? I mean, I could see if we're
24:16
all hanging out, but to come TO MY HOME.
24:18
>> NO, I really want to know how you feel
24:21
>> Mike doesn't ever want to get married.
24:25
>> Wow. Well, you you still going to move
24:30
>> Well, I want to, but I just wanted you
24:34
to tell me that marriage really isn't
24:36
that big a deal, you know, that I won't
24:38
I won't be missing out on anything. That
24:39
>> Yeah, marriage stinks.
24:44
I mean, if you want to see a man gain
24:48
weight and a woman stop shaving, get him
24:50
>> That's not how you really feel, is it?
24:55
Look, I I know it's not what you want to
25:00
hear right now, but I can't help it. I I
25:01
>> Seriously? You, divorcer?
25:04
>> If you have to call me a name, I prefer
25:08
Ross the divorcer. It's just cooler.
25:09
Look, look, I know my marriages didn't
25:14
exactly work out, but
25:16
you know, I I loved being that committed
25:18
to another person. And Carol and I had
25:20
some good times before she became a
25:22
and once afterward.
25:25
Anyway, I'm I'm sorry.
25:28
>> It's okay. That's how you feel.
25:31
>> But come on, I mean, living together
25:35
will be great. I mean, you guys have so
25:36
much fun and you love Mike.
25:38
>> Ah, see? And you were so excited about
25:42
moving in together before and you know
25:45
what? You should be. It's a big deal.
25:47
>> Yeah, I guess you're right.
25:51
Yeah, thanks. This helped. Thanks.
25:53
>> The divorcer to the rescue.
25:55
>> It's not cooler.
25:59
>> Yeah, I just heard it.
26:00
>> So going to get back at Ross.
26:01
>> This'll show him.
26:04
>> What are you doing?
26:06
>> Oh, you'll see, MY FRIEND.
26:06
>> Posting that I died? That really isn't
26:21
>> Well, how you died was funny.
26:25
>> Oh, please. Hit by a blimp?
26:27
>> It kills over one Americans every year.
26:31
>> Unbelievable. My classmates are going to
26:36
think I'm dead. My professors, my my
26:38
parents are going to get phone calls.
26:41
You're messing with people's feelings
26:42
>> Oh, you want to talk about people's
26:44
feelings? You should have heard how hurt
26:45
Professor Stern was yesterday when I
26:47
told him I wouldn't be able to go with
26:48
>> YOU'VE REALLY CROSSED the line here, but
26:53
that's okay. It's okay cuz I'm on my way
26:55
to buy some Photoshop software and a
26:57
stack of gay porn. That's right. Your
26:59
coming out's about to get real graphic.
27:02
is there a woman waiting at the bar? Um
27:13
someone average height, dark hair, or
27:17
perhaps doing a puzzle?
27:19
there's a drunk Chinese guy.
27:22
>> Well, if I'm still here in an hour, buy
27:26
>> Uh can I get you another glass of wine?
27:30
>> Uh I don't know if I should. I don't
27:32
want to be drunk when I
27:33
>> You got stood up, huh?
27:39
>> Uh it's no big deal. It's just a blind
27:40
>> Are you worried your date came, saw you,
27:43
All I ever wanted was to just love him
27:49
and have him love me back.
27:51
I mean, am I so unlovable?
27:54
>> Thank you so much for letting me do
28:05
this. Public bathrooms freak me out. I
28:07
can't even pee, let alone do anything
28:09
>> But what's great is you don't mind
28:12
>> God, it's so amazing that I met you on
28:16
the same day that Eric broke up with me
28:18
cuz it's like you lose a boyfriend,
28:21
you get a boyfriend.
28:23
>> No, no, no, don't worry. This is not
28:27
some rebound thing. I am totally over
28:28
>> GOOD CHOICE, ROSS.
28:39
>> I'M SO GLAD SOMEONE'S HERE. Could you
28:41
>> Thank you. Can you believe no one
28:48
between my apartment and here offered to
28:50
why are you so dressed up?
28:58
>> Oh, um Mike's picking me up for a date.
28:59
>> Oh, yeah. Now, how's that going? Is it
29:01
>> I don't know. I don't know.
29:05
I mean, you know, I like him.
29:07
But, you know, am I ready to take my
29:09
grade A loins off the meat market? I'm
29:10
>> You know, I I really admire your your
29:16
whole dating attitude. It's so healthy.
29:18
I'm always like, is this moving too
29:21
fast? Is this moving too slow? Where
29:23
where is this going?
29:25
>> Yeah, you know, you are a bit of a drama
29:26
>> But, you know, you're so much better
29:30
off, you know? You just go from guy to
29:31
guy having fun and not worrying that it
29:33
never turns into anything serious.
29:35
>> I wouldn't say never.
29:39
You know, there was that guy.
29:41
Okay, well, what about
29:44
Okay, well, there's got to be someone.
29:47
>> There isn't. That's what I'm saying.
29:50
>> Oh my god, you're right.
29:53
>> And yet, here you are, all ready for the
29:55
>> I can't believe I never realized this
29:59
I'm in my 30s and I've never been in a
30:03
long-term relationship?
30:05
Oh my god, what's wrong with me?
30:07
um there's there's nothing wrong with
30:13
you don't strike me as the type of
30:17
person who wants to get married anyway.
30:19
>> I want to get married?
30:21
>> Please. Please don't cry because of me.
30:24
I Phoebe, I don't know what I'm talking
30:26
about, okay? I've been divorced three
30:28
>> Yeah, well, at least you've been
30:31
married. Oh my god, I want to trade
30:32
>> OH, thank you so much.
30:39
>> oh, and so funny.
30:40
>> Okay, all right, thanks. Thanks so much.
30:44
You guys I can't tell you how much it
30:47
means to me that you were here.
30:48
>> Are you kidding? We wouldn't have missed
30:49
>> You were incredible. You blew them away.
31:04
>> Oh, I can't tell you how great it was to
31:06
look out at the crowd and see your face.
31:08
I mean, did you know you were you were
31:10
mouthing the words along with me?
31:12
>> No, it's okay. Made me feel like like a
31:15
>> Oh my god, I'm your groupie.
31:19
I better not find you naked in my hotel
31:23
Look, I I took it too far.
31:30
>> Welcome to the Chestnut Inn, Mr. Bing.
31:32
So, where are you joining us from?
31:34
>> New York. The Big Apple.
31:35
I'm sorry, he's a little bit wound up.
31:39
We had to stop at every maple candy
31:40
stand on the way here.
31:42
>> I ate all my gifts for everybody.
31:43
>> I'm sorry, Mr. Bing, there's no record
31:48
of your reservation in the computer.
31:49
>> Well, that's impossible. Can you check
31:51
>> CHECK AGAIN, PLEASE.
31:53
>> I'M SORRY, IT'S NOT HERE.
31:56
>> Let me get this straight.
32:01
I called yesterday to try to cancel my
32:02
reservation, was told it's not
32:04
refundable. Then, we drove 6 hours all
32:05
the way up here, and now you're telling
32:08
me that we don't have a reservation?
32:09
>> I don't know what to say.
32:11
>> She doesn't know what to say.
32:12
>> Just give us the cheapest room you have.
32:14
>> Unfortunately, the only thing we have
32:16
available is our deluxe suite. The rate
32:17
>> It is totally insane. Dude, let's drive
32:22
home. We'll hit all the maple candy
32:24
stores on the way back, and if if
32:26
they're closed, then maybe we'll we'll
32:28
tap a tree and make some ourselves.
32:29
>> Does that room have a closet I can lock
32:34
>> Look, they're totally ripping us off.
32:42
>> Dude, don't worry about it. I know how
32:44
we can make your money back. This is a
32:45
nice hotel, you know, plenty of
32:47
amenities. We just load up on those.
32:48
Like those apples. Instead of taking
32:51
one, um I take six.
32:53
>> Great. At $100 an apple, we're there.
32:57
>> Come on, you you get the idea. You know,
33:01
we we'll make our money back in no time.
33:03
>> Dude, you're shaking.
33:05
>> I think it's the sugar. Could you hold
33:06
Hi, this is Ross Geller in suite 206. Um
33:13
I seem to have forgotten a couple of
33:16
things. Could Could you have some
33:18
complimentary toiletries sent up to my
33:19
Thank you. Okay, um
33:23
toothbrush, toothpaste, razor,
33:25
mouthwash, deodorant, dental floss,
33:27
Band-Aids, shaving cream, aftershave.
33:30
And I feel like I'm forgetting
33:33
something. Um is there anything else you
33:34
you have that I haven't asked for
33:36
Yeah, go ahead. Send up some tampons.
33:40
>> Nice. Put it with the others.
33:48
>> And I also got two more apples.
33:50
>> We're four short of a bushel.
33:54
>> God, I feel so alive. I love being in
33:57
got these great salt and pepper shakers
34:02
from the restaurant.
34:04
>> Ooh, that's not cool.
34:05
>> Dude, none of this is cool.
34:07
>> Look, Chandler, you you have to find the
34:10
line between stealing and and taking
34:12
what the hotel owes you. Um for example,
34:15
a hairdryer, no, no, no. But shampoos
34:18
and conditioners, oh yes, yes, yes.
34:20
Now the the salt shaker is off limits. I
34:24
I wish I thought this through.
34:32
>> I think I get what you mean now. Like
34:35
the the lamp is is the hotel's, but the
34:36
I You already got that.
34:41
>> Not my first time in a hotel, my friend.
34:42
>> No, no, no, you can't take the remote
34:48
>> Yes, but the batteries.
34:50
Thank you. Thank you very much.
34:58
Ooh, let's let's celebrate with some
35:00
At least TELL ME WHERE YOU HID IT.
35:05
>> Here's your copy of the bill. We hope
35:08
you enjoyed your stay.
35:09
>> Oh, we did, and you still have all your
35:10
>> I didn't factor in the room tax.
35:16
>> Oh, dude, don't worry about it. Uh I
35:19
found an unattended maid's cart. We're
35:21
way ahead of the game.
35:22
>> There's There's something new in the
35:28
>> Look, we have enough. Just walk away.
35:31
but I I want I want the pine cones.
35:33
>> There's a forest right outside.
35:37
>> It's not the same.
35:39
Thank you for a delightful stay.
35:50
>> I DON'T THINK THAT JOEY AND CHARLIE have
36:05
anything in common.
36:07
>> I don't know. They seem to have a shared
36:08
interest in each other's tonsils.
36:10
>> Wow. Joey and a professor. Can you
36:13
imagine if they had kids? And if if the
36:15
kids got her intelligence and Joey's raw
36:18
sexual magnetism, those nerds would get
36:22
All right, so we're also you with all
36:28
>> Yeah, it's no big deal. I mean, I just
36:31
met her. I'm fine with it.
36:33
God, I forgot how hot she was.
36:38
I'm going to get some more coffee.
36:41
>> Oh, you know, I'll I'll come with you.
36:43
So, a professor, huh?
36:47
>> Yeah, she is cool and she's so smart.
36:49
Her mind is totally acrimonious.
36:52
Guess that's not how she used it.
37:00
>> I feel like I owe you an explanation.
37:05
I don't ordinarily go around kissing
37:08
Well, I'm kind of embarrassed.
37:14
I really hope you don't think less of
37:16
>> No, think less of you? No, I don't think
37:18
less of you. I mean, you you saw someone
37:20
you liked and you kissed them. Uh those
37:22
people who who like someone and and
37:24
don't kiss them, those those people are
37:26
stupid. I hate those people.
37:28
>> You know, actually, I'm a little
37:32
surprised at myself. I mean, Joey is so
37:32
different from the guys I usually date.
37:35
I mean, they're all professors,
37:37
intellectuals, paleontologists mostly.
37:38
You know, very cerebral
37:41
Hey, if we want to uh grab a bite before
37:44
work, we better get acrimonious.
37:46
Am I getting close?
37:52
Well, the super's not home. But but hey,
37:54
you know what? My mother's going to be
37:56
here in a minute and she has the key.
37:57
>> I can't wait that long. You have to do
37:58
something. Knock that door down.
37:59
>> I would, but I bruise like a peach.
38:01
Besides, you know, everything's going to
38:06
be fine. The the baby's sleeping.
38:08
>> But what if she jumped out of the
38:10
>> Can't hold her own head up, but yeah,
38:12
>> Oh my god, I left the water running.
38:16
>> But you did not leave the water running.
38:18
Please, just just pull yourself
38:19
>> What did I leave the stove on?
38:21
>> You haven't cooked since 1996.
38:23
>> Is the window open? Because if the
38:27
window's open, A BIRD COULD FLY in there
38:28
>> Oh my god, you know what? I think you're
38:30
right. I think you know what? Listen.
38:31
Listen. A pigeon. No.
38:33
No way. No, no. An eagle flew in.
38:36
Landed on the stove and CAUGHT FIRE.
38:39
THE BABY, SEEING THIS, jumps across the
38:44
apartment to the mighty bird's aid.
38:48
The eagle, however, misconstrues this as
38:51
an act of aggression and grabs the baby
38:53
in its talent. Meanwhile, the faucet
38:55
fills the apartment with water.
38:57
Baby and bird, still ablaze, are locked
38:59
in a desperate swirling around the
39:01
whirlpool that FILLS THE APARTMENT.
39:04
>> BOY, ARE YOU GOING TO BE SORRY IF THAT'S
39:09
Can you ask him to get me a muffin?
39:12
>> Oh, sure. What kind?
39:13
>> Um let me think.
39:15
>> Please take your time. It's an important
39:23
decision. Not like, say, I don't know,
39:25
deciding to marry someone. This is about
39:27
>> Blueberry it is.
39:35
Wow, he's really not letting this go, is
39:39
>> God, how long do you think that's going
39:41
>> Well, I don't know. He got over the we
39:43
were on a break thing really quickly.
39:45
>> I'm here for Ross Geller's memorial
39:48
>> You look amazing.
39:55
>> Chandler. Chandler Bing. And I'm not
39:58
gay. I'm not gay at all.
39:59
>> You are married, though.
40:01
>> Don't listen to him. He's in a really
40:04
>> I can't believe that Ross is gone. It is
40:10
>> I didn't know Ross and you were so
40:14
>> Oh, we weren't. But we had one class
40:16
together. He was such a great guy.
40:18
And he talked so passionately about
40:20
I always remembered him.
40:24
>> I'm sure that would mean a lot to him.
40:26
And if heaven has a door,
40:28
I'm sure he's pressing his ear up
40:30
against it and listening intently.
40:31
>> I thought so many times about calling
40:36
him and asking him out.
40:38
I guess I really missed my chance.
40:40
COREY, I I KNOW THIS is a big surprise
40:49
for you. It's a long story, but the
40:51
things you just said really made my day.
40:53
I mean, the fact that you were here
40:56
means more to me than than if this room
40:58
were filled with people.
40:59
>> You sick freak! Who does that? I can't
41:02
believe I had a crush on you.
41:05
>> Did you hear that?
41:12
Corey Weston had a crush on me!
41:14