I'm all packed and ready to go.
00:03
>> That's right. Daddy and Uncle Joey are
00:06
going on a trip today. We're going to a
00:08
conference in Barbados.
00:10
>> Can you say Barbados?
00:12
I got to say, it means so much to me
00:19
that you guys are coming all the way
00:22
over there to to hear me give my speech.
00:23
Oh, and I have a surprise.
00:25
I had to pull some strings, but I was
00:27
able to get everyone passes to the
00:29
entire conference. That's right.
00:31
>> These babies will get you into all the
00:35
paleontology lectures and seminars.
00:37
>> Do you have anything that will get us
00:40
>> Yeah, Ross. I mean, we're excited to
00:45
hear the speech, but the rest of the
00:47
time we're going to want to do, you
00:48
know, island stuff.
00:49
>> I think David will probably want to hear
00:50
>> Oh, right. Because he's a scientist.
00:53
>> No, no. Well, because, you know, he's
00:54
been in Minsk for 8 years. And if he
00:56
gets too much direct sunlight, he'll
00:57
>> Okay, [laughter] we better go. Yeah? Um,
01:01
so we'll see you guys tomorrow.
01:03
>> All right. Let's do it. 5-hour flight
01:05
with Charlie. Have a couple drinks. Get
01:07
under that blanket and do what comes
01:09
>> It's a blanket, Joe, not a cloak of
01:12
>> But he has ordered, I would like to
01:15
start the celebration and make a toast.
01:17
She dropped her sock.
01:23
>> No, Emma dropped her sock. Mom's here? I
01:27
wanted to have lunch with her today. She
01:30
told me she was out of town.
01:31
>> Ross, she still has not noticed that the
01:34
baby sock is on the ground.
01:36
>> It's a good toast.
01:37
>> Mom, will you please get her attention?
01:40
>> Oh, for God's sake, Judy, PICK UP THE
01:54
SOCK! PICK UP THE SOCK!
01:57
I'M SORRY, WAS THAT RUDE?
02:04
>> What's the matter, Joe?
02:16
>> I'm mad at you for leaving.
02:17
nothing but a big leaver.
02:20
Big leaver with a stupid suitcase.
02:24
>> Any chance you're trying to pick a fight
02:29
to make all of this easier?
02:31
>> Oh, do you see right through me?
02:36
Hey, can I borrow the Porsche?
03:05
>> A place to entertain my lady friends.
03:12
>> And what else is it not?
03:16
>> Place to eat spaghetti.
03:18
>> What do you need it for, anyway?
03:22
>> Oh, well, the uh Powerball lottery is up
03:23
to 300 million, and they don't sell
03:25
tickets here in New York, so.
03:26
>> Oh, so you're driving up to Connecticut?
03:28
>> Yeah, Connecticut, not West Virginia.
03:31
>> Hey, maybe I'll drive you up there. I'd
03:35
like to buy some tickets myself. Yeah,
03:37
with Chandler not getting paid, we could
03:39
really use 300 million dollars.
03:40
>> Yes, because if I was at my old job,
03:43
we'd say, "300 million? No, thank you."
03:45
>> Hey, will you get me tickets, too?
03:50
>> Oh, I have an idea. Why don't we all
03:53
pitch in 50 bucks, we'll pool our money
03:55
together, and then if we win, we'll
03:57
>> Oh, that's that's a great idea.
03:59
>> You don't want to win the lottery?
04:05
>> Uh sure I do. I also want to be king of
04:06
my own country and find out what
04:08
happened to Amelia Earhart.
04:10
>> Still on Amelia Earhart?
04:13
>> The woman just vanished.
04:14
>> Susie, Ross, you don't want in on this?
04:18
>> No. Do Do you know what your odds are of
04:20
winning the lottery? I mean, you have a
04:22
better chance of being struck by
04:23
lightning 42 times.
04:25
>> Yes, but there's six of us, so we'd only
04:27
have to get struck by lightning seven
04:28
>> I like those odds.
04:30
>> Seriously, you guys, I can't believe
04:33
you're going to spend $250
04:34
on the lottery. I mean, that's such a
04:36
bunch of boo hockey.
04:38
>> Oh, oh, we think Emma's about to start
04:49
talking, so we're trying to be careful
04:51
about what words we use in front of her.
04:52
>> Yeah, so get ready to hear a lot of uh
04:55
boo hockey, gosh darn it, and brother
04:57
>> How do you know she's going to start
05:02
>> Well, when I talk to her, I almost feel
05:04
like she understands what I'm saying.
05:06
>> Kind of like Joey.
05:08
>> What's that now?
05:11
>> Joey is having a secret Days of Our
05:12
Lives party up on the roof, and he sent
05:14
you guys to the play to get rid of you.
05:16
>> Wait, what's what's going on?
05:21
>> Joey is having a secret Days of Our
05:22
Lives party up on the roof. And and he
05:24
didn't want you guys to know about it,
05:27
but I came over here to tell you.
05:28
>> I thought you came to say you were sick.
05:31
>> All right, PROFESSOR OR DETECTIVE?
05:33
>> JOEY'S HAVING A PARTY and he wasn't
05:37
going to invite us?
05:38
>> Yeah, he does it every year. That's why
05:40
he's sending you to the play. That's why
05:42
he sent us to that medieval restaurant
05:44
and to that button factory, and that
05:46
that horrible museum tour?
05:48
>> No, I arranged that.
05:50
Hey you guys, I'm turning in. Have fun.
05:56
>> I know about your party, Joey.
06:02
>> The game's over. Take off your robe.
06:05
>> NICE MEETING YOU.
06:19
>> YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BELIEVE THIS. I WAS
06:20
JUST saying goodnight to Emma, and she
06:21
said her first words.
06:23
>> She said gleeba.
06:26
ISN'T THAT AMAZING?
06:36
>> OH YEAH, NO NO NO, that's that's great.
06:37
>> What? Why aren't you more excited?
06:40
gleeba's not a word.
06:43
>> Well, of course it is.
06:46
>> Okay, uh what does it mean?
06:48
I don't know all the words.
06:51
>> Well, I'm just I'm just glad I didn't
06:54
miss my daughter's first word.
06:56
>> Well, yes you did. Gleeba is a word.
06:57
>> Okay, use it in a sentence.
07:00
uh Emma just said gleeba.
07:03
>> It's not a word.
07:09
>> Oh okay okay okay, fine. I'm going to
07:10
>> Oh oh okay, great. You know what? While
07:13
you're at it, she said another word the
07:15
other day. Won't you Won't you look up
07:17
>> All right. Okay okay, gleeba. Gleeba
07:25
Oh, here it is. The fleshy spore-bearing
07:29
inner mass of a certain fungi.
07:31
>> She's going to be a scientist.
07:39
>> All I'm saying is I don't think that
07:42
Joey and Charlie have anything in
07:44
>> I don't know. They seem to have a shared
07:46
interest in each other's tonsils.
07:48
>> Wow, Joey and a professor. Can you
07:51
imagine if they had kids? And if if the
07:53
kids got her intelligence and Joey's raw
07:56
sexual magnetism, those nerds would get
08:00
All right. So, Ross, you're okay with
08:06
>> No, it's not a big deal. I mean, I just
08:09
met her. I'm fine with it.
08:11
Ugh, God, I forgot how hot she was.
08:15
>> I'm going to get some more coffee.
08:19
Oh, you know, I'll I'll come with you.
08:21
>> So, professor, huh?
08:25
>> Yeah, she is cool and she's so smart.
08:27
Her mind is totally acrimonious.
08:30
Except that's not how she is.
08:38
>> I feel like I owe you an explanation.
08:43
I don't ordinarily go around kissing
08:46
Well, I'm kind of embarrassed.
08:52
I really hope you don't think less of
08:54
>> No, think less of you? No, I don't think
08:56
less of you. I mean, you you saw someone
08:58
you liked and you kissed them. I mean,
09:00
those people who who like someone and
09:02
and don't kiss them, those those people
09:04
are stupid. I hate those people.
09:06
>> You know, actually, I'm a little
09:10
surprised at myself. I mean, Joey is so
09:10
different from the guys I usually date.
09:13
I mean, they're all professors,
09:15
intellectuals, paleontologists mostly.
09:16
You know, very cerebral.
09:19
Hey, if we want to grab a bite before
09:22
work, we better get acrimonious.
09:24
Am I getting close?
09:30
We finally found a nanny. This is Molly.
09:32
Molly, Chandler, Joey.
09:34
>> Oh, somebody's getting a little fussy.
09:39
>> You're damn right I am. I've been
09:41
waiting for a cookie for 7 minutes.
09:42
>> You know what? I'm just going to take
09:47
>> No, you stay. I'll do it.
09:48
>> Nice to meet you guys.
09:51
>> Yeah, you too. You too.
09:52
>> Oh, wow. Molly's just great.
09:55
>> Well, yes. Bravo on the hot nanny.
09:57
>> What? You really think she's hot?
10:01
>> Are you kidding? If I wasn't married,
10:03
she'd be rejecting me right now.
10:05
>> How do you think she's doing?
10:11
>> Am I the only one that doesn't think
10:15
that she's hot, Ross?
10:16
I mean she's not unattractive, but but
10:20
>> Now that Rachel's gone, so hot. I cried
10:29
myself to sleep last night.
10:31
>> He sprang to his sleigh, to his team
10:36
gave a whistle, and away they all flew
10:39
like the down of a thistle. But I heard
10:41
him exclaim ere he drove out of sight,
10:43
"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a
10:46
>> You really wrote that?
10:57
>> Say goodbye, elves. I'm off to Tulsa.
11:01
>> I can't believe you're not going to be
11:05
here for Christmas.
11:06
>> You're really not coming back?
11:07
>> Yeah, we have all this paperwork that
11:09
needs to be filed by the end of the
11:10
year. If I don't get it done, I'll be
11:12
>> It's so unfair. You don't even like your
11:14
>> Oh, I like my job. I can't wait to go
11:18
>> get enough dinosaurs.
11:21
>> I'm sorry I won't be here.
11:28
>> It's hard enough not seeing you during
11:30
the week, but for Christmas
11:32
and what this is what you have to do I
11:35
I'll see you New Year's Day.
11:40
>> You're not going to be here New Year's
11:41
>> Did I not mention that?
11:44
>> And you all a good night.
11:48
>> Hi honey, we're all here. We just wanted
11:52
to wish you a Merry Christmas.
11:54
>> Merry Christmas.
11:55
>> AW, MERRY CHRISTMAS. I MISS YOU GUYS.
12:00
>> Was it horrible? Is everybody working
12:02
>> Uh well, no. It's just uh me and Wendy.
12:05
>> Wendy? That sounds like a girl's name.
12:08
>> It is. Did I not tell you about her?
12:12
>> Mhm. Mhm. About the time you told me
12:14
about New Year's Eve.
12:16
Where's everybody else?
12:18
>> I sent them home.
12:20
>> Aw, you are such a good boss. Is she
12:21
>> Uh uh answer faster. Answer faster.
12:27
I don't know. Answer better. Answer
12:31
>> I don't think of her that way, you know.
12:34
I mean, she's a uh she's a colleague.
12:36
>> What does she do there?
12:38
>> Oh, she's regional vice president. She's
12:39
OH, WAIT. Is Wendy the runner-up Miss
12:52
>> Well, she she didn't win.
12:58
>> All right. Well, maybe I should let you
13:01
and the second prettiest girl in
13:03
Oklahoma get back to work.
13:05
>> Well, second prettiest that year. I
13:06
mean, of all the girls in Oklahoma,
13:08
>> Oh, Chandler, stop talking.
13:11
there's really nothing to worry about.
13:15
>> Merry Christmas.
13:21
>> Merry Christmas.
13:23
>> Merry Christmas, you guys.
13:24
>> Yeah, cuz I'm a bad person. Blah, blah,
13:26
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,
13:27
>> The wife says hi.
13:34
>> Ah, fun conversation.
13:35
>> Oh, well, she's just got this weird idea
13:37
that uh you know, just because you and I
13:39
are alone that something's going to
13:41
>> This is probably the wrong thing to be
13:51
you're getting ham on my only tie.
13:56
LOOK AT THAT. IT'S A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE.
14:06
>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
14:10
>> I WANTED to be with you.
14:12
I missed you so much.
14:15
>> Hey, hey, uh who'd you miss the most?
14:16
>> I never want to leave you again.
14:25
>> But I thought if you left, you'd get
14:28
>> Turns out they can't fire me
14:30
>> What? You You really quit your job?
14:35
>> Yeah. It's a stupid job, and I could not
14:37
stand leaving you. And why should I be
14:40
the only one who doesn't get to do what
14:42
he really wants to do?
14:44
>> Well, what do you really want to do?
14:45
>> I have not thought this through.
14:47
>> I KNOW. I I should have talked to you
14:52
>> No, I think that this is what you want
14:54
to do. I think it's great.
14:56
your being here is the best Christmas
15:02
present I could have ever imagined.
15:04
>> Now, give me my real gift, too.
15:07
somebody got you shoes. Oh, GIVE ME.
15:17
THESE ARE MY RAT BABIES.
15:25
WE HAVE RAT BABIES NOW.
15:32
>> OH, you brought rats
15:36
to my birthday party?
15:38
>> So, this is what a stroke feels like.
15:39
>> I had to bring them. We killed their
15:43
mother. They're our responsibility now.
15:45
>> You know, they require constant care.
15:48
You should know that, Rachel. You're a
15:50
>> Are you comparing my daughter to a rat?
15:54
>> I think we should take them home. We
16:00
>> What? What? You're going to leave my
16:02
party to take care of a box of rats?
16:03
>> I'm sorry, Rachel, but I'm not like you,
16:06
okay? Not everyone can afford help.
16:08
>> Oh, hey. Thank god you guys are here.
16:14
>> What's what's going on?
16:17
>> Everything is upside down here. It rains
16:19
all day long, nobody watches TV, and
16:22
>> All right, I don't want to alarm
16:29
but Monica's hair is twice as big as it
16:31
was when we landed.
16:32
>> Okay, when I go places with high
16:35
humidity, it gets a little extra body,
16:37
>> That's why our honeymoon photos look
16:41
like me and Diana Ross.
16:42
Come on, I'll show you guys where to
16:45
>> Oh, honey, can you make sure we get a
16:47
>> Oh, David, get one for us, too. Oh, and
16:51
and see if they have a heart-shaped one.
16:53
And with mirrors on the ceiling.
16:55
>> And and make sure our room isn't next to
16:59
>> I got a job in advertising.
17:02
HONEY, THAT'S INCREDIBLE. GOSH, what's
17:05
Oh, come on, people.
17:12
Come on now, if I don't know who makes
17:14
the most, how do I know who I like the
17:16
>> Well, actually it pays nothing. It's an
17:21
internship. Oh, that's cool. We have
17:23
interns at Days of Our Lives. Right, so
17:24
it'll be the same except less sex with
17:26
>> So, what kind of stuff do you think
17:30
they'll have you do there?
17:32
>> Well, it's a training program, but at
17:33
the end they hire the people they like.
17:34
>> Yeah, I mean there's probably going to
17:38
be some grunt work which will probably
17:39
stink, you know, grown man getting
17:40
people coffee is a little humiliating.
17:41
Humiliating and noble.
17:46
>> You know, if I didn't already have a
17:53
job, I I think I would have been really
17:55
good in advertising.
17:57
>> Ross, you did not come up with Got Milk.
17:58
>> Yes, I did. I did.
18:01
I SHOULD HAVE WRITTEN IT DOWN.
18:05
>> I just wanted to let you know I've
18:07
changed my mind. I'm going to do it. I'm
18:08
going to kiss Joey.
18:11
>> No, you can't. Friends hooking up is a
18:12
>> Please, what about you and Chandler?
18:16
>> That's different. I was drunk and
18:18
stupid. Well, hello.
18:20
What about all the guys that you got the
18:25
phone numbers from? What
18:26
Why don't you just kiss one of them?
18:28
>> I could. I could, but I don't want to. I
18:29
>> All right. I think it's a big mistake,
18:35
but it's it's your decision.
18:37
>> I'm going to do it.
18:44
>> And I can't stop you. No.
18:46
>> [music and singing]
18:51
>> Hey Rach, have you seen Charlie
19:01
>> [music and singing]
19:05
>> I'm smarter than him.
19:10
>> You guys, just in case maybe a genie
19:12
will come out if we RUB THIS LAMP.
19:14
THAT THING GETS HOT.
19:18
>> YOU KNOW ROSS, just keep making your
19:20
jokes. How are you going to feel if we
19:22
>> Uh, you're not going to win.
19:24
>> Oh, I know. I know the odds are against
19:26
us, but somebody has to win and it could
19:28
be us. And then how you going to feel?
19:30
You know, we're going to be all like,
19:32
"Oh, everybody let's take our
19:34
helicopters up to the cave." And you're
19:35
going to And you're going to be all
19:37
like, "Oh, I can't guys. I have to meet
19:37
you up there. I got to gas up the
19:39
>> Okay, I've heard myself on tape and I
19:46
sound nothing like that.
19:48
>> I can see the headline now. Lottery
19:51
winner's friend filled with regret eats
19:53
>> Why would I eat my own arm?
19:57
>> Well, you wouldn't, but we own the
19:58
paper. We can print whatever we want.
19:59
>> You know what Ross? I'm going to throw
20:02
in 50 bucks for you.
20:04
>> Because I know I know that you think
20:06
that the lottery is boo hockey.
20:07
>> But we're all here. We're going to watch
20:11
the numbers and have fun.
20:13
You're my brother and I want you to be a
20:15
>> Well, you don't have to do that. I mean
20:20
I'll I'll pay for myself, but
20:21
just the fact that you want me to have
20:23
fun with you guys. That's so sweet. Come
20:25
>> You sang Baby Got Back, didn't you?
20:32
>> If nothing else works, that girl is all
20:34
>> She sweat? Wet? Got to go on like a
20:41
>> Has your girlfriend GOT THE BUTT?
20:47
>> SHAKE that nasty butt.
20:52
>> One more time from the top. I like big
20:55
BUTTS AND I CANNOT LIE.
20:59
>> RACHEL, PLEASE. That is so
21:05
>> Ah, isn't this nice?
21:11
So quiet. I could just lie here all day.
21:13
Open your drapes. Open your drapes.
21:19
>> So glad we got a joining rooms.
21:21
>> HEY, remember when I had Cornelius?
21:27
>> Okay, listen. [laughter] You go down to
21:30
the pool and reserve the chairs and I'll
21:31
get the magazines and the lotion.
21:32
>> Uh ladies, Ross the speech is IN 45
21:34
>> WALLS ARE PRETTY THIN, GUYS.
21:40
>> Then we have to weigh the data from
21:48
recent MRI scans and DNA testing,
21:49
which call into question information
21:54
gathered from years of simple carbon
21:56
>> Look at that woman sitting out by the
21:59
So leathery and wrinkled. I'M SO
22:03
>> FINALLY, FACTOR IN THE profusion of new
22:07
species recently discovered,
22:10
>> not to mention coldsaurus.
22:16
>> And that's just the herbivores. I'm not
22:21
even going to discuss the carnivores.
22:24
Their heads are already too big, which
22:25
is ironic considering their stunted
22:28
cerebral development.
22:30