- This is not friends.
00:01
Not, no, the photo!
00:02
I was genuinely gonna show you my dick!
00:06
I love Drunk Advice.
00:11
(funky hip-hop instrumental music)
00:14
- Very special episode
of Drunk Advice today.
00:20
Not just because Riyadh is here.
00:23
- But because our
alcohol has been provided
00:26
by bloody Chelsea Handler
and Netflix, what?
00:29
- "Here's a few supplies for
the next Drunk Advice video,
00:36
From Chelsea, oh, Chelsea Handler!
00:40
- You're like basically best mates.
00:42
- Do you want to pop this baby?
00:44
- I'm not adult enough.
00:46
Are we gonna break something?
00:47
- I want to watch you try it.
00:48
- No but, I don't think I can.
00:49
- Okay peel it back,
gently, gently, ah, ow!
00:51
Perfect, keep going, it's not gonna pop.
00:54
Now this is the fun part.
00:56
Fuck, away from my face.
00:59
- Where's your glass, where
the fuck's your glass?
01:02
Now I'm gonna have to get it in my mouth.
01:04
- [Both] Cheers. (laughter)
01:10
- There are three rules to Drunk Advice.
01:13
Rule number one, be drunk.
01:15
If you don't drink, be
in the spirit of drunk.
01:17
- Rule number two, have a friend with you!
01:21
I grazed your tit, I'm so not sorry.
01:25
- Shit, I got over-excited.
01:29
No, but the reason I said it is because,
01:30
- Rule number three,
01:36
don't take our advice.
01:38
It will only lead to bad things.
01:42
- We tweeted, asking what
you needed help with,
01:44
and we're gonna help you.
01:47
Hannah Witton, Riyadh K.
01:51
Advice on how to kiss?
01:53
- No, oh my god, you
literally just read that out
01:55
because you want to make out with me.
01:57
Don't worry honey, I don't
wanna kiss you either.
01:59
Okay, so my advice on how to kiss is,
02:05
go in the speed of the other person.
02:08
And if you feel at any point,
02:11
like you've got a chunk
of food floating around,
02:13
or, you know, there's like,
somethin' is comin' up,
02:16
like it's gassy, or whatever,
02:19
just go, oh oh, I have to take a call!
02:21
- Don't go in with an open mouth.
02:26
- No, start closed.
02:27
And then gently open, and open, and open.
02:29
Watch your friends kiss, and
monitor what that looks like,
02:35
and sense we're your friends.
02:38
- Oh my god! (laughing)
02:40
- See it was a good segue.
02:42
That was a really good segue, wasn't it?
02:43
- You're determined, you're determined.
02:44
- Come on, you know you want to.
02:45
How do you know the difference
flirting and banter?
02:50
Hannah and I have this thing that,
02:54
if there's a drop of alcohol,
02:55
not even consumed but in
our vicinity, (laughter)
02:58
we instantly turn into
03:01
What is sexual banter?
03:05
- I thought you were gonna say savages,
03:06
and I would have agreed with you.
03:07
What is this thing that we have?
03:09
It's very unusual, I've never had it
03:10
with another woman, ever.
03:11
- I've never had it with another gay man.
03:13
We have a special bond.
03:15
She's a small woman.
03:18
She's my perfect size.
03:19
How do I tell my ex to fuck off,
03:21
when he keeps hinting that
he's still interested?
03:23
- Oh I know, send him this video.
03:26
Alright. (laughter)
03:27
- And tell him the time code,
of this specific moment.
03:29
Come a little closer, come on.
03:33
How to deal with exam stress.
03:41
And just arrive, and then leave,
03:47
- As a massive nerd and teacher's pet,
03:51
I'm gonna have to wholeheartedly
disagree with you.
03:52
- Can you suggest any
alternative date ideas?
03:54
I brought a guy to see Les Miserables.
03:59
You know, the musical,
in London's West End?
04:02
- Why would you do that?
04:03
- Because it's emotional,
and there's like songs--
04:05
- Yeah, but it's like, the
wrong kind of emotional.
04:07
- No no no, no, 'cause there's that song.
04:09
- No there's that song that goes--
04:11
- Take your date to see Wicked.
04:12
- Pretend that he's beside me.
04:15
- Did you like hold hands during that?
04:15
- And then he took my hand, for that song,
04:18
and I knew he would do it in that moment,
04:19
- Oh my god, you emotionally
manipulated him with Les Mis.
04:23
♫ I walk with him till morning
04:32
♫ I feel his arms around me
04:38
♫ And when I lose my way I close my eyes
04:42
♫ And he has found me ♫
04:45
Oh my god, let's read,
Riyadh's Tinder messages.
04:50
Harrison, who's Harrison?
04:54
- He's a guy that I
wrote to that I really--
04:55
- So this guy, I've been so attracted to,
04:58
for about four days, I've been like--
05:01
- What did he say, what did he say?
05:06
- Riyadh goes, "I'm from
Dublin, but moved here in Feb.
05:07
"Love it so far, based in
the lovable Cobham, you?
05:09
"Also, you're unbelievably handsome.
05:13
"I thought you should know that."
05:15
That's really smooth.
05:16
And then, Harrison has just replied.
05:19
This is live, it's happening live!
05:22
- I haven't seen it.
05:24
- "Oh, very nice, I'll
have to swing by sometime.
05:25
"I'm based in Wimbledon, so
not a million miles away.
05:28
"You're making me blush."
05:32
And then the blushing emoji.
05:34
- But he didn't tell me I'm handsome.
05:36
- No he didn't, 'cause that
means he thinks you're fugly.
05:37
- Well he's a fuckin' dickhead.
05:38
I'm gettin' very, very horny.
05:39
I wanna text someone.
05:43
he wrote another one. (gasping)
05:45
- Oh and he complimented you back, yay!
05:48
- "And you're pretty cute, not gonna lie,
05:51
"and if you give me your number,
05:53
"I'd definitely consider
texting you back."
05:54
- Oh my god I'm dead.
05:57
I'm fucking dead, oh god.
05:58
- Can I give him your number?
06:01
- Do you use proper grammar
when you're texting?
06:02
- So he said "I'd definitely
consider texting you back,"
06:06
so I'm gonna be like, consider this:
06:07
- Consider this, and then a winky emoji.
06:10
- And then the number.
06:13
- Okay, we're done!
06:14
More updates on this later!
06:16
- Holy fuck, I could have a boyfriend.
06:18
- The people need our help.
06:19
- He literally just sent it!
06:25
Oh my god, don't show his number!
06:26
- Hold on, he said--
06:28
- Consider it done.
06:29
He did not wait around, did he?
06:33
- He did not wait, he
is considering it, hard.
06:33
I think you're over me.
06:36
How do I get a boyfriend?
06:40
Like, do I buy one?
06:43
Believe me, I know.
06:46
- I feel like this is
something you would know about.
06:47
- Does that feel good?
06:48
- It actually feels really nice.
06:49
How to make sexy selfies.
06:53
Okay, I would say, go higher,
06:56
don't go, never below eye level.
06:58
- 'Cause you're gettin'
a bit of a jaw line.
07:01
- Gettin' my cleavage.
07:02
- You're gettin' boobs.
07:03
- Whatever makes you feel sexy,
07:04
and that will be your sexy picture.
07:05
Are we actually taking it?
07:07
- By sexy selfie, if you
mean like a nude photo.
07:08
Um, again, lighting.
07:14
Never, ever, ever head, in the picture.
07:16
Even if they are, like,
your husband, or your wife.
07:19
Never send your head in a picture.
07:22
Okay, I'm gonna put my hands up.
07:23
I sent a filthy picture
to someone, last week.
07:24
With your head in it?
07:28
- Well my head was in
it, but not that one.
07:29
- I'm gonna show you my dick.
07:35
- Do you wanna see it?
07:36
- Yeah, I've shown you
me naked, in that photo.
07:37
- You haven't shown me your vagina.
07:39
- And then you said I
looked really fertile in it.
07:41
- Yes, yeah, well your tits were like,
07:42
you were like plump and, (blows lips).
07:46
- I made a horse sound, why?
07:49
I don't know. (laughter)
07:51
I might as well have gone, moo!
07:52
There's a lot goin' on in it.
07:54
- This is like, half done.
07:56
- This is like a semi, a good semi though.
07:59
- A good semi, so like a 3/4,
08:01
Ooh, it's a penis. (laughs)
08:05
Are you turned on by your own penis?
08:06
I am drunker than I thought I was.
08:08
- Best things to do right after a breakup.
08:09
Adele, Adele, Adele, Adele,
Adele, Adele, Adele, Adele.
08:14
♫ This is my last night with you
08:23
♫ Hold me like we're more
than just good friends
08:29
♫ Give me a memory I can use
08:35
♫ Take me by the hand
08:42
♫ While we do what lovers do ♫
08:44
So it's about basically saying goodbye,
08:49
but before we say goodbye,
can you just like hold me--
08:51
- Fuck me one more time.
08:53
One more, last one!
08:55
Riyadh, you pick it.
08:56
Make it a good one!
08:59
- How do I motivate myself to exercise
09:00
when I don't want to exercise?
09:02
It's the exercise that
gives something back!
09:06
The act of coming, and all
those like muscles going,
09:10
and then releasing, has
to burn some calories.
09:14
- Yeah, you're not,
09:16
okay, and on that note,
09:16
thank you for watching Drunk Advice.
09:18
Thanks Riyadh for being
my lovely special guest
09:21
- Oh well darlin' it's
been fabulous being here.
09:25
- We did a video over on Riyadh's channel,
09:27
where we read mean comments.
09:29
- Very mean comments.
09:31
- From our YouTube videos, that was fun.
09:32
Well as usual, please
give the video a thumbs up
09:35
Please leave your own shitty advice
09:38
in the comments, and
don't forget to subscribe,
09:41
'cause I make new videos every week.
09:43
And we'll see you soon, bye!
09:45
Bye bye bye, bye bye bye!
09:48
(funky hip-hop instrumental music)
09:50