hey hey how'd the run go oh pretty good
00:02
I finished that's great why is that
00:06
great because they accomplished
00:09
what was your mild time about seven I
00:12
could beat that on a skateboard well
00:15
that has wheels yeah well my feet don't
00:18
and I could still crush that time really
00:20
Dwight not faster you let's just put it
00:22
last weekend I outran a black pepper
00:25
snake really I am fast to give you a
00:27
reference point I'm somewhere between a
00:31
snake and a mongoose and a panther man
00:32
what is shaking Toby so long oh I'll
00:37
just time him later and you'll compare
00:39
the times yeah are you ready no have I
00:41
being mean to Dwight I don't know I did
00:52
just make him run around the building
00:56
and I have no intention of timing him
00:57
this isn't even a stopwatch it's a
00:59
digital thermometer he does make my life
01:01
harder sometimes and on purpose like he
01:05
tried to put meters on the bathroom
01:08
stalls as a way of bringing in more
01:09
money for the company hey three more
01:10
you gotta pick it up you're gonna beat
01:15
Toby I should probably get back to work
01:17
seriously okay okay yes I have a wig for
01:47
every single person in the office you
01:55
never know when you're gonna need to
01:58
bear a passing resemblance to someone I
01:59
just want it to stop
02:02
here we go college Roadshow gotta bring
02:04
our a-game what is the most inspiring
02:07
thing I ever said to you don't be an
02:10
changed my life whenever I'm about to do
02:13
something I think would an idiot do that
02:17
and if they would I do not do that thing
02:19
oh man is that a prism duro sport you've
02:22
seen one of these yeah they're like an
02:28
iPod only they're better because they're
02:31
chunkier and more solid Roy gave it to
02:32
me for Christmas I'm trying to figure
02:35
out how to put songs on it oh no no no
02:37
I know this Russian website you can
02:39
download songs for two cents apiece
02:42
really yeah I'll write down the address
02:44
for you only the only thing is is that
02:46
all the songs are in Russian kidding why
02:51
would the AL beat okay see you later Pan
03:00
yeah me a cup of coffee me too or do you
03:11
also have a monopoly on thirst okay guys
03:16
it didn't work out for any of us so
03:18
we're still on the same team let me get
03:19
these no let him get his own he's got
03:22
suruc use money you know your partner's
03:25
got a lot of attitude but I like that
03:28
how long you guys been dating Jim
03:30
couldn't land me in a thousand years but
03:32
you're saying there's a chance
03:34
Cumberland Mills and how did you get my
03:36
resume oh no no I'm very flattered don't
03:40
get me wrong I'm just not sure that it's
03:44
my official resume or if it's something
03:46
that maybe a satisfied customer posted
03:49
online what does it say under martial
03:53
arts training oh okay I'm gonna have to
03:57
supplement that could I have your fax
04:01
number would I ever leave this company
04:02
look I'm all about loyalty in fact I
04:06
feel like part of what I'm gonna be paid
04:09
for here is my loyalty but if there were
04:10
somewhere else that valued that loyalty
04:14
more highly I'm going wherever they
04:15
value loyalty the most honor of oh oh
04:18
what is on your face is that a disguise
04:25
clown paint ID badges are long overdue
04:32
security in this office park is a joke
04:36
last year I came to work with my spud
04:38
gun in a duffel bag I set up my desk all
04:40
day with a rifle that shoots potatoes at
04:43
60 pounds per square inch can you
04:46
imagine if I was deranged he are going
04:48
to do everything humanly possible to
04:52
ensure that this never happens again
04:54
well it doesn't help because it already
04:56
happened to the watermark it's a
04:58
one-time thing I don't care it was
05:01
disgusting it a cartoon characters
05:03
having sex then I point out that the sex
05:05
appeared to be consensual both animals
05:07
were smiling okay I grew up on a farm I
05:10
have seen animals having sex in every
05:12
position imaginable go down chicken
05:15
chicken on goat a couple of chickens
05:18
doing a goat a couple of pigs watching
05:21
whoever drew this got it exactly right
05:23
I did my job I slashed benefits to the
05:30
bone I saved this company money was I
05:33
too harsh maybe I don't believe in
05:36
coddling people and the wild there is no
05:38
health care in the wild health care is
05:42
I hurt my leg I can't run a lion eats me
05:45
and I'm dead well I'm not dead I'm the
05:49
just hit me you'll see I can't cuz just
05:58
got a manicure so oh cool yeah i queer I
06:01
that's a good show important show go
06:05
ahead do it just have to I punch you
06:08
Yoshi well that would be kind of
06:10
worthless because I know a ton of
06:12
fourteen-year-old girls are gonna kick
06:14
is it I know a ton of fourteen-year-old
06:15
girls what belt are they look Dwight is
06:17
a wuss when we rented Armageddon no
06:20
right at the end of it Michael I told
06:22
you that was because it was New Year's
06:24
Eve and it started to snow at exactly
06:26
midnight punt you oh okay here we go
06:28
oh did I want to harm Michael but one
06:33
man I've been hired to protect No
06:43
I did not okay all right thank you I
06:45
come from a long line of fighters my
06:57
maternal grandfather was the toughest
07:00
guy I ever knew World War two veteran
07:02
killed 20 men then spent the rest of the
07:04
war in an allied prison camp my father
07:07
battled blood pressure and obesity all
07:11
his life different kind of fight as a
07:14
volunteer sheriff's deputy I've been
07:18
doing surveillance for years one time I
07:19
suspected an ex-girlfriend of mine of
07:23
cheating on me so I tailed her for six
07:25
nights straight turns out she was with a
07:27
couple of guys actually so mystery
07:31
solved let's go over some of these
07:36
symptoms of marijuana use shall we you
07:39
tell me who this sounds like slow-moving
07:42
inattentive dull constantly snacking
07:47
shows a lack of motivation I like the
07:54
people I work with generally with four
08:02
exceptions but someone committed a crime
08:04
and I did not become a Lackawanna County
08:08
volunteer sheriff's deputy to make
08:10
friends and by the way I haven't okay I
08:12
will only need two things a roll of duct
08:16
tape and a knife I'm on it okay 30
08:18
minutes relax please come back save the
08:22
receipts hey what hey wait wait
08:25
I keep various weaponry strategically
08:32
placed around the office I saved Jim's
08:33
life with a can of pepper spray
08:36
I had velcroed under my desk people say
08:38
oh it's dangerous to keep weapons in the
08:41
home or the workplace well I say it's
08:44
better to be hurt by someone you know
08:47
accidentally than by a stranger on
08:49
what you're saying is extremely
08:55
misogynistic yes thank you that was not
08:57
necessary but I appreciated it and
09:02
proves my point women can do anything
09:04
I'm saying that you're being sexist
09:06
no I'm being misogynistic that is insane
09:09
I'm not being sexist that's much the
09:13
same thing yes when I got my haircut
09:15
chart you asked me if I was a lesbian
09:17
because wow that was one possible
09:19
explanation as to why you got that
09:23
haircut and when we get mad you always
09:25
ask us a form in our periods I have to
09:27
know whether you're serious or not I
09:29
wish I could men straight if I could men
09:31
straight I wouldn't have to deal with
09:35
idiotic calendars anymore
09:36
I'll just be able to count down from my
09:37
previous cycle plus I'd be more in tune
09:39
with the moon and the tides
09:42
