– 英语/中文 双语歌词

歌词与翻译

[中文]

我告诉你一件事。我不介意

分一杯羹番茄干

生意。五年前，如果有人

对我说：“这是一个番茄，

看起来像李子。”我会说：“让

离开我的办公室。”

爸爸，在我出生之前，你有没有吓到

？我没有惊慌失措。我

只是说，如果有人来找我

提出这个爸爸，爸爸，爸爸的想法，我

正在谈论整个呃宝贝的事情。

你有没有过这种

恐慌，天啊，我要成为

父亲之类的事情了？不。

你妈妈确实做了这项工作。我

忙于生意。我不在

那么久。这就是这个的意思吗？

不，不，爸爸。我只是想知道。因为

是时候弥补这一点了。我们可以一起做

件事。你一直想去

去殖民时期的威廉斯堡。

我们这样做怎么样？谢谢，爸爸。真的吗？我只是，

你知道，我只是

只是我需要知道。嗯，

你什么时候开始感觉自己像个父亲了？

哦，好吧，我想那一定是

你出生后的第二天。我们当时在

病房。你妈妈

睡着了，他们把你带进来，把

交给了我。你就是这个丑陋的红色小东西

。突然之间，你用整个拳头抓住了

我的手指，并且

把它捏得那么紧

。那时我就​​知道了。

那么，您不想去

威廉斯堡吗？

好吧，我们可以去威廉斯堡。

吃你的鱼。

鲍比医生恰好是一位出色的

医生。离开。等一下。他的名字是

鲍比博士。

嗯，这是他的姓氏和名字

。他是鲍比。鲍比.

我是罗伯特·鲍比。

嗯，对不起。他帮助我。请

问她怎么做。你需要什么帮助？

与我的对齐。我的一条腿比另一条腿短

。我的天啊。与

争论。什么？这是真的。我的右腿是2

更短。快点。你只是

倾斜了。

她的腿很好。我知道。那么，

你让她去看脊椎按摩师是为了什么？

抱歉。让她。我能做些什么？她

也不听我谈论

房客保险的事。等待

分钟。您没有租客的

保险吗？

不。但是如果有人偷了

的东西怎么办？你要如何在一条腿比另一条腿短的情况下追

？

...

嘿，你想要一些

果汁吗？我想要一些果汁。好的。

哇，进展顺利。你看到

我们了吗？你有没有看到？是的，亲爱的。我

站在那里。

你为什么不直接告诉他们我还没有检查过的

购物中心呢？

太棒了。

[音乐]

嘿，爸爸。你在这里做什么？好吧，

这是你母亲的桥牌之夜，所以我

以为我会进城来拥抱

莫娜的小拥抱。

你从什么时候开始抽雪茄的？

我不知道。我只是喜欢

它们的味道。

那么，呃，你到底在这里做什么，

爸爸？好吧，我只是想确定

你没事。

是什么让你认为我可能

不好？我看到理查德.

哦。那么，你怎么样？

我很好。只是有点累，但我

还好。理查德怎么样？你不想

知道吗？不，我真的真的。

好吧，他表现得很糟糕。

真的吗？

比他与

芭芭拉分手时更糟糕。

你不只是这么说的，是吗？

不。这个人一团糟。

他哭了吗？不。

那么，你认为他会等到你离开后

，这样我们才能哭吗？或许。

我想是的。亲爱的，人际关系

很难。就像你妈妈和我一样。你

知道，我们大学毕业后，

我们分手了一段时间。看来她的

父亲，也就是你的祖父，希望她

像他一样环游欧洲。当然，

他必须在山姆大叔的餐厅里做到这一点

镍币，因为他当时也在扫射

德国部队列车。

但是，

[音乐]

他真的很有趣。

当

笑声停止时我不想在那里。

哇哦。哇哦。回到那里，斯帕克。

你这是什么意思？

看来您可能有

亲密关系问题。你知道你用

幽默来与人保持

距离。

啊？我的意思是，嘿，我刚刚认识你。我

不认识你和亚当。

独生子，对吧？

父母在你进入青春期之前就离婚了。

嗯。你怎么知道的？这是

教科书。

嘿，你们。嘿，你们都知道我的日子。

嘿，你在城里呆了多久？仅

几天。我在市中心找到了一份工作。我

认为我最好和

孩子待在一起，而不是在渡轮上来回拖着

。我不知道这个。哦，

这是我的朋友罗杰。嘿，嘿，很高兴

见到你，罗杰。你也一样，先生。

呃木偶人怎么了？爸爸。哦。

哦，对不起。那么，罗斯，妻子怎么样了？

哦，

两个，呃，钱德勒，快说些

有趣的话。

是

应该只持续一天的一点点油，

燃烧了整整八天。这是正确的。

这就是我们今天庆祝光明节的原因。

结束。惊人的。是的。

我最喜欢的部分是超人将

所有犹太人带出埃及。

犰狳实际上对这部分并不那么

感到兴奋。

好的，本，是时候点燃

光明节

蜡烛了。嘿。哦，哇。看起来像是

复活节兔子的葬礼在这里举行。

来吧。快点。我们正在点燃

根蜡烛。快点。

[音乐]

我明白为什么超人在这里，但是

为什么复活节

兔子的葬礼上有一只豪猪？格林小姐，如果您

父亲的医生通话，他正在打电话。哦，太好了。嗯，是

想要与您

你没事吧？他失去知觉了。

我想我们会没事的。好的。

[音乐]

[掌声]

嗯，电视吵醒你了。不。当

你把脚放在我的床上时，你

拉动了我的导尿管。

乌奇。

你在这里做什么，吉勒？好吧，我

和 Rachel 一起来了，她应该会在

。那么，有什么新内容吗？哦，我心脏病发作了

秒回来

。

太棒了。是否痛苦？什么？心脏病

发作正坐在这里跟你说话。

让我们看看能否让 Rachel 回到这里

。那么，G，你有什么新鲜事吗？

最近又吵醒了我的女儿

吗？不，只有一个，对吗？

嘿。嘿。它怎么样？嗯，我度过了

美好时光。嗯，Chanty，另一方面

，我会讲这个故事。

进展顺利。我让他赢了。我们

建立了联系。他甚至说我可以叫

他爸爸。他为什么要求你不要

给他打电话？爸爸。一切

都对，看。故事是这样的。

好吧，我们刚刚玩完

raetball，我们准备去玩一下

。我走进蒸汽房，

真的是

热气腾腾。所以，我摘下眼镜，

就在那时，事情发生了。伙计们，这里已经

了。儿子，请坐。

嘿。

[掌声]

[音乐]

[掌声]

天哪，钱德勒。我简直不敢相信。

我知道。你给我父亲跳了一场膝上舞。

为什么他们要放这么多蒸汽？

因为否则他们必须将其称为

房间 room。

为什么？好的。为什么？为什么会发生

？

来吧。这没什么大不了的。没什么大不了的

。

那里有触动的东西。

好吧。我知道你想与我父亲建立

联系，但你真的必须

与那部分建立联系吗？

[笑声]

听着，我确信爸爸不在乎。

他可能认为这真的

很有趣。他将讲述这个故事

年。我多年来不想让他讲述这个

的故事。

哦，但他会的。

他仍然讲述莫妮卡

如何试图逃离肥胖营的故事。

我没有逃避。那你是怎么让

被铁丝网困住的呢？

我试图帮助一只松鼠。你

正想吃它。

如果那是你父亲打电话来讲述

这个故事，那么婚姻就结束了。

来吧。你好。

抱歉。您的号码有误。

好的。稍后我会打电话给你，爸爸。我爱

你。

[音乐]

好的。我要去见你爸爸了

哇哦。哇哦。你是不是有点

穿得太多了？

是的。而且你最好确保这次他

给你小费。

听着，我想我应该尝试说服

他不要再讲这个故事了。我

认为最好的方法是面对面

。我所说的脸并不是指他的

圈。我所说的脸并不是指我的屁股。

[音乐]

所以你明白，如果你不告诉别人

舒服。你知道，我有点

发生了什么，我会感觉更

我对此有点尴尬。我

完全理解。

没有什么比在姻亲面前让自己难堪

更可怕的了。

事实上，当我开始和

朱迪约会时，我失业了，她的父亲

问我以什么为生，我

告诉他们我是一名律师。当他们发现后你做了什么

？他们从来没有这样做过。所以，

如果你看到我给他们提供法律

建议，而且不仅仅是我一个人。

我们可以吗？

所以，我想我们在这里穿泳衣。

[音乐]

你。哦，谢谢你从我身上出来。

我知道。

[音乐]

哦，她在看着我。

我认识你。

我们有名字了吗？不，还没有。

没关系。现在，我们将她的女婴称为

格林。哦不，宝贝女儿

杀了她的绿色。

昨晚我做了一个梦，梦见我

和我的孩子一起踢足球。哦，这是

不错。好的。不，不，和

他。我在这片田野上，他们

给我带了孩子。

我知道我必须做点什么

，因为坦帕湾的防守正在

向我袭来。坦帕湾有一支糟糕的

球队，

，对吧？

但只有我和孩子，所以我

认为他们可以带走

我们。所以我呃我只是讨厌

前场。什么？你担心那是

婴儿吗？他应该接受解雇。

不管怎样，突然我就到了前场，我

意识到我应该

抓住他，对吗？只有我知道

我不可能在

时间内到达那里，对吧？所以，我正在跑步，而且我正在

跑步。就在那时我

醒来了。看，我还没有准备好成为一名

父亲。嘿，你会没事的。

你是北美最有爱心、最

负责任的男人之一。

你会成为一位伟大的父亲。是的，

罗斯。您和宝宝只需要更好的

阻挡。天哪，宝贝。你

着火了。我知道。还差一分。你

可以做到。别碰它。不要碰

她。好吧，向左走。前进。向右走

。向右走。我不能。我

不能。不，你是

[音乐]

菲比的儿子。

哦，嗨本。不，不要看

机器。

你得走了。也想你。我爱

你，但现在已经很晚了。

嘿，妈妈。听着，我和巴扎医生预约了

。

对不起。

你知道这不是

[笑声]

妈吗？她的名字是

罗尼。她是一名宠物殡葬师。

当然。

那么，你已经

多久了，还记得你小时候吗？我

曾经带你去海军造船厂并

向你展示大型船只。自那以后？不，

才过去了 6 年。我只是想

在你的脑海中留下美好的回忆，这样你就会

知道我并不总是那么

糟糕的人。

乔，你恋爱过吗？

我不知道。那你还没有。你是

烧你的西红柿。啊？您会希望

讲话。

乔，你爸爸恋爱了。

最糟糕的部分是和两个

不同的女人在一起。哦，伙计。请告诉我

其中之一是妈妈。当然。当然。

其中之一是妈妈。你怎么了

？

嘿，乔。爸爸。罗尼来了。啊？你好。

嘿。嘿。你好，宝贝。什么？什么？嘿，

你在这里做什么？哦，呃，好吧，

你把你漂亮的头发留在了我的公寓。

我认为您明天

的会议需要它。

谢谢。

嗯，那么谁准备好参加

Kplunk 的大型比赛呢？

听着，我呃我不应该来。我我

最好开始吧。我不想错过

末班车。不，不，我不想

你拿着那个东西来摇摆这个。

我要住在哪里？这里。禾浩。

我们去旅馆。

去酒店。

不，你不会。不，我们不会。如果你去

酒店，你就会做一些事情。我

希望你就在这里，我可以

关注你。您将密切关注我们

。是的，先生。我不在乎

你多大了。只要你

在我的屋檐下，你就必须遵守

我的规则。

这意味着不要和你的

女朋友睡觉。

哇，他脱光了。

现在，爸爸，你会在我的房间里。罗尼，

呃，你可以住在钱德勒的房间里。

谢谢。你呃你是个好孩子

。快点。我带你去我的

房间。

如果不是

后面跟着“不，谢谢”，这听起来很奇怪。现在已经晚了。

[掌声]

好的，现在这只是今晚的内容。

从明天开始，您必须做出

更改。 6年足够长了。

是什么样的改变？好吧，要么你和罗尼分手

。我不能那样做。

然后你就得向妈妈坦白。这个

是不对的。是的，但是我

不想听这个。现在去我的房间吧。只是

想让你知道你所目睹的一切

在那里，那不是为了好玩。

这并不有趣。为什么？为什么？你为什么要这么做？

听着，我只是不想让你认为

我们是动物，只要我们

愿意就可以这么做。哦，我不这么认为。在今天

之前，我从来没有想过你们两个会发生

性行为。那是一个更简单的时代。

事实是，爸爸，我们正在努力。

什么？是的，我们正在努力让

怀孕。天哪，这太令人兴奋了

。我们会回到那里。我会

看守门。

没关系。我们可以等到

之后吗。哇，哇，哇。我不这么认为

。爸爸，你不是排卵吗？

好吧，你必须明白，公主。

当你妈妈和我试图

怀上你时，每当她

排卵时，砰，我们就这么做了。这就是我

臀部受伤的原因。

这很有趣。正是这次谈话让我

在我的脑海中留下了弹孔。那么，来

吧。解释一下你自己，盖勒。首先，你

让我的瑞秋怀孕了。你让瑞秋

怀孕了？谁干的？你做到了吗？是的。

是的。是的，我做到了。但这只是

一晚的事情。这意味着

没有任何意义。哦真的吗？这就是我的

女儿对你的意义？没有什么？不，不，

先生。嗯，她对我来说意义重大。我的意思是，我

我关心。我我爱雷切尔。什么？哦，但是

不是那样的。我的意思是我的意思是我没有

爱她。我像爱

朋友一样爱她。哦真的吗？你就是这样对待

朋友的？你让她陷入麻烦

然后你拒绝嫁给她。嘿，我

提出要娶她，但我不想

。

那么，为什么不呢？所以您可能会花

时间来处理这个问题，抱歉。

格林博士。莫娜。莫娜。格林博士。

[掌声]

你怎么能对我

隐瞒这一切？我本来想告诉你，但是

什么？你认为你得到了你

想要的东西，然后你像对待

瑞秋一样抛弃了她。嘿，我没有甩掉瑞秋，

我们还在一起吗。

哦。

嗯，我可以吗

只是为什么我们不让机器

得到它呢？

嘿，罗斯，我是乔伊。这里有一个妓女

，我们想你也许知道

一些关于它的事情。

不，不，不，不，不。我我我需要躺下

。

嘿，你感觉好些了吗？是的，我认为

第五场淋浴实际上让我失去了

的采访。

那么，您还有其他可能性吗？

哦，是的。好吧，我有可能不付房租

。美好的。如果你

愿意，我可以借给你一些钱。不，不，

不。因为如果我不能马上

还钱给你，那么每次见到你我都会感到内疚和紧张

。哦好的。好吧，

那你为什么不呃为什么不

向爸爸妈妈借呢？你已经对他们感到

内疚和紧张，

你不妨从他们身上

赚一些钱。

[掌声]

[音乐]

嗨。你好。嗨，亲爱的。那么，这是什么？

你的一些旧东西。好吧，亲爱的，

我们给你准备了一个惊喜。我们#{27​​}让您的房间变得拥挤不堪。

...

哇，这真是一个惊喜。只是一个小

问题。呃，为什么不是罗斯的房间？天哪，

我们讨论过这一点，但是你的兄弟

有很多科学奖杯和奖牌

以及功绩徽章。好吧，我们不想

打扰他们。哦，上帝禁止。

你知道，你知道 Stephie Graph

有相当大的魅力。

我只是说它就在那里。

嘿，伙计们。嗨，亲爱的。我的

孙子在哪里？你没带他来？不，他今天在呃卡罗尔和苏珊家

。我办公室里的一位女士

是女同性恋。

我只是说说而已。

哦，杰克，看。有一个房屋银行

广告让您大笑。

你去哪儿了？情感地狱。那么，

他们借给你钱了吗？不，但是

那可能是因为我还没有问

他们。来吧，莫妮卡。做吧。嘿，

你们。嗯，莫妮卡有一些消息。

嗯，是的。所以，呃，听着，我很抱歉

之前没有告诉过你，但是，嗯，我

我不再工作了。我不得不

离开它。为什么？因为他们创造了我。

您被

解雇。你会怎样做？朱迪。

朱迪，放松。这就是我们正在谈论的小

口琴。我们教了她

。好吧，你工资的10%。

去哪里了？在银行。银行。

就这样吧。因此，她动用了

的积蓄。这就是它的用途。

她会没事的。如果您需要

一些额外的东西，您知道在哪里可以找到

。后面有更大的东西。

本，我想让你知道，可能

有时我可能不会

像

这样。但我仍然会像

回来。有时我可能会离开

这样

更长的时间，就像

[音乐]

这个，但我仍然会

回来。就像

[音乐]

这个。有时我会希望你

偷第三名，我就会这样。

[音乐]

他太棒了。我知道。看看他。

本。

本。嘿，

本。没有什么。我不认为那是他的

名字。

哦，看。看。他正在闭上

眼睛。哦，看。他正在睁开眼睛。

他没做太多事，不是吗？

不。差不多就是这样了。

[音乐]

你们想喝点咖啡吗？是的。

是的，

伙计。稍后再见。

[音乐]

因为你不爱这个人。

哦，

小时前你告诉了你爸爸真相。

想去看电影吗？是的。

再见

无论如何我都喜欢这样做。婚姻中有

件事情比

段爱情故事更重要。

嘿，我也考虑了我的

后果。好吧，是什么让你有

决定的

权利

去

地狱？我手机上的傻子。

[音乐]

[音乐]

哦，那

很好。

哦，罗斯。

[鼓掌]

罗斯，我在这里。

你

嗯嗯我们

只是哇。什么？嗯

太棒了。现在我要生孩子了。

什么？

不，我正在生孩子。

我正在用手机进行操作。 The

phone.电话。电话。

罗斯，我受伤了。

莫妮卡，我们走吧。来吧，人们。

待产妇女。嘿，罗斯，看看我

在这里做了什么。是的，把它留给

出租车。好的。

你在做什么？你在干什么？

我们要去医院。什么？所以我

看起来不好看？那里可能有

医生。乔伊，从冰箱里出来。全部

正确。好的。

那是什么？为了骑行。哦，是的。

就像在出租车里一样。保存起来。好的。讨厌

这个。莫妮卡。现在来吧。我们走吧。

宝宝来了。我简直不敢相信。我

将成为一只蚂蚁。我将像侄子一样拥有

。那很好。出去。

Let's go.来吧

。正确的。正确的。我要去。我

要去。

开始吧。

[鼓掌]

我们该怎么办？你是什​​么意思？

我们做什么？

双胞胎。双胞胎。

泰勒，你很恐慌。嗯嗯。加入

我，好吗？

好的。你说我们保留一个和

然后就像在

另一个上有一个选项一样？

我们无法将它们分开。为什么不呢？我们

可以给他们每人半枚奖章

，然后几年后他们会找到彼此

并

团聚。我的意思是，这对

每个人来说都是美好的一天。

好的。 What if the person who adopts the

other one is horrible?如果他们不是

怎么办？如果被国王收养怎么办？

是的，因为我听说国王正在寻求

收养。

迈克尔，我们还没有准备好生两个

婴儿。那没关系。我们

为此等了太久。我不在乎

是不是两个孩子。我不在乎是否是

三个婴儿。我不在乎

的八个演员是否足够来自

那里。

[音乐]

你觉得他们在里面认出对方吗

？或许。除非他们

就像曾经住过的两个人

套公寓彼此相邻多年

，然后有一天，他们被推入

阴道并相遇。

[音乐]

哦，看看这些小兔子。我

知道。

您准备好交易了吗？

好的。好的。

好的。让我们来看看。

我们可以稍后再交易。是的，我很好。

可能永远无法达到

你的水平，但这是一个开始。

这是什么？这是我保时捷的钥匙。

好吧，你的保时捷钥匙。

什么？什么？

我一直在考虑摆脱它

，有一天我在驾驶它时

在商店橱窗里看到了我的倒影。

你妈妈是对的。我看起来确实像个

屁股。

你要把你的保时捷给我吗？你

在开玩笑吧？好吧，等等，等等，

等一下。我的意思是，几个

愚蠢的盒子被弄湿了，她得到了一辆

保时捷。

我们为什么不尝试一下呢？什么？

那我呢？我是医学奇迹。

[音乐]

现在，你整个早上都很安静。

一切都好吗？嗯。

你确定你没事吗？是的。

好的。嗯，好吧，我要去呃

给她买点早餐。供参考。就在那里。

将来，当一个女孩要求一些

不明智的同情性行为时，就这么做吧。

等等，等等。你昨晚生我的气

。我只是想

做正确的事。真的吗？好吧，

在我看来，如果你做了正确的

事，我今天醒来就不会

感到愚蠢和尴尬。我会

醒来时感到安慰和

满足。

好吧，哦，别这样了。

我简直不敢相信。什么？我只是

做一个好人。我以尊重和理解的态度对待你

。噢，

太热了。

嘿，我一直在照顾你。哦，

真的吗？好吧，罗斯，你知道吗？我是

一个大女孩。我不需要有人告诉

我什么对我来说是最好的。我必须说，

我以前没有做过很多次性行为。

这是有史以来最糟糕的一次。

哦，真的吗？真的吗？嗯，这对我来说也不是很好

。哦好的。你知道，

嘿，嘿，你知道吗？你知道吗？

为了避免在

将来发生这种小事，我们假设你和我再也不会

发生性行为。什么？这是正确的。

性是不可能的。我再也不会和你发生

性行为了。

格林博士，你感觉好些了吗？

我们走吧。哦，是的。关于告诉妈妈

和爸爸。我正在考虑也许

写一封信。好的。你知道

什么吗？就是这样。你已经有机会了。

什么？

妈妈、爸爸、罗斯在大学里吸大麻。

什么？

你真是个爱打小报告的人。

妈妈，爸爸，

你们还记得那次你们

走进我的房间并闻到大麻味吗？是的。

是的。

好吧，我告诉过你是钱德勒在

抽烟，

但那是我。对不起。是你。

爸爸，你知道你

被解雇的那个邮递员没有偷你的花花公子吗？

罗斯做到了。

[笑声]

是的。好吧，飓风格洛丽亚并没有

破坏门廊的秋千。莫妮卡做到了。

罗斯已经

年没有在博物馆工作了。

莫妮卡和钱德勒住在一起。

老板在维加斯与瑞秋结婚，然后又

离婚了。

30

秒内可以获得大量信息。

好吧，莫妮卡。我不明白为什么你觉得你有

来隐藏你处于

重要关系中的事实。

我们有点想到了门廊

秋千。

RS药又离婚了。

发生什么事了，儿子？我我呃我被骗了

所有这些事情。

钱德勒，这些年来你一直是罗斯最好的朋友

，在

毒品

问题期间一直陪伴着他，现在你也开始对付莫妮卡

。好吧，我不知道该说什么。

你是一个很棒的人。

谢谢。不，谢谢。

莫妮卡和罗斯，我不知道我是什么

打算对你们两个做点什么。

我会和他们谈谈。

[音乐]

[英语]

I'll tell you one thing. I wouldn't mind

having a piece of this sundried tomato

business. Five years ago, if somebody

had said to me, "Here's a tomato that

looks like a prune." I'd have said, "Get

out of my office."

Dad, before I was born, did you freak

out at all? I'm not freaking out. I'm

just saying if someone had come to me

with the idea of this Dad, Dad, Dad, I'm

talking about the whole uh baby thing.

Did you uh ever get this sort of

panicky, oh my god, I'm going to be a

father kind of a thing? No.

Your mother really did the work. I was

busy with the business. I wasn't around

that much. Is that what this is about?

No. No, Dad. I was just wondering. Cuz

it's time to make up for that. We can do

stuff together. You always wanted to go

to that colonial Williamsburg. How about

we do that? Thanks, Dad. Really? I just,

you know, I just I

just I just needed to know. Um, when did

you start to feel like a father?

Oh, well, I I guess it must have been

the day after you were born. We were in

the hospital room. Your mother was

asleep and they brought you in and gave

you to me. You were this ugly little red

thing. And all of a sudden, you grabbed

my finger with your whole fist and you

squeezed it so

tight. And that's when I knew.

So, you don't want to go to

Williamsburg?

Well, we can go to Williamsburg.

Eat your fish.

Dr. Bobby happens to be an excellent

doctor. off. Wait a minute. His name is

Dr. Bobby.

Well, that's his last name and his first

name. He's Bobby. Bobby.

It's Robert Bobby.

And um Excuse me. He helps me. Please

ask her how. What do you need help for?

With my alignment. I got one leg shorter

than the other. Oh my god. Argue with

that. What? It's true. My right leg is 2

in shorter. Come on. You're just

tilting.

Her legs are fine. I know that. So, what

do you let her go to a chiropractor for?

Sorry. Let her. What can I do? She

doesn't listen to me about about

renters's insurance either. Wait a

minute. You don't have renters's

insurance?

Nope. But what if somebody steals

something? How are you going to run

after him with one leg shorter than the

other?

Hey, would you uh would you like some

juice? I'd love some juice. Okay.

Wow, this is going so well. Did you see

us? Did you see? Yeah, honey. I'm

standing right there.

Why don't you just tell them about the

mall I haven't gotten checked yet?

Excellent.

[Music]

Hey, Dad. What are you doing here? Well,

it's your mother's bridge night, so I

thought I'd come into the city for a

little Mona cuddle.

Since when did you start smoking cigars?

I don't. I just I just like the smell of

them.

So, uh, what are you really doing here,

Dad? Well, I just wanted to make sure

that you're okay.

What makes you think that I might not be

okay? I saw Richard.

Oh. So, how you doing?

I'm fine. Just a little tired, but I'm

okay. How's Richard doing? You don't

want to know? No, I I really really do.

Well, he's doing terrible.

Really?

Worse than when he broke up with

Barbara.

You're not just saying that, are you?

No. The man is a mess.

Was he crying? No.

Well, do you think he was waiting till

after you left so we could cry? Maybe.

I think so. Honey, relationships are

hard. Like with your mom and me. You

know, after we graduated from college,

we broke up for a while. It seems her

father, your grandfather, wanted her to

travel around Europe like he did. Of

course, he got to do it on Uncle Sam's

nickel because he was also strafing

German troop trains at the time.

However,

[Music]

He's really funny.

I wouldn't want to be there when when

the laughter stops.

Whoa. Whoa. Back up there, Sparky.

What did you mean by that?

Just seems as though that maybe you have

intimacy issues. You know that you use

your humor as a way of keeping people at

a distance.

Huh? I mean, hey, I just met you. I

don't know you from Adam.

Only child, right?

Parents divorced before you hit puberty.

Uh-huh. How did you know that? It's

textbook.

Hey, you guys. Hey, you all know my day.

Hey, how long you in the city? Just for

a couple of days. I got a job Midtown. I

figure I'm better off staying with the

kid than hauling my ass back and forth

on a ferry. I don't know this one. Oh,

this is my friend Roger. Hey, hey, good

to meet you, Roger. You, too, sir. What

happened to the uh puppet guy? Dad. Oh.

Oh, excuse me. So, Ross, how's the wife?

Oh, for

two, uh, Chandler, quick, say something

funny.

was that that little bit of oil that

should have lasted just one day burned

for eight whole days. That's right. And

that's why we celebrate Hanukkah today.

The end. Awesome. Yeah.

My favorite part was when Superman flew

all the Jews out of Egypt.

The armadillo was actually not so

thrilled about that part.

Okay, Ben, it's time to light the

Hanukkah

candles. Hey. Oh, wow. Looks like the

Easter Bunny's funeral in here.

Come on. Come on. We're lighting the

candles. Come on.

[Music]

I understand why Superman is here, but

why is there a porcupine at the Easter

Bunny's funeral? Miss Green, your

father's doctor's on the phone if you'd

like to speak to him. Oh, great. Um, are

you going to be okay? He's unconscious.

I think we'll be just fine. Okay.

[Music]

[Applause]

Um, did did the TV wake you. No. When

you put your feet up on my bed, you

tugged on my catheter.

Ouchie.

What are you doing here, Giller? Well, I

came with Rachel, who who should be back

any

second. So, what's new? Oh, I had a

little heart attack.

Great. Is Is it painful? What? The heart

attack is sitting here talking to you.

Let's see if we can get that Rachel back

in here. So, what's new with you, G?

Knocked up any more of my daughters

lately? Nope, just the one, right?

Hey. Hey. How was it? Well, I had a

great time. Um, Chanty, on the other

hand, I will tell the story. It was

going great. I let him win. We were

bonding. He even said that I could call

him dad. And what did he ask you not to

call him? Daddy. All

right, look. Here's the story.

Well, we had just finished playing

raetball and we were going to take a

steam. I walk into the steam room and

it's really

steamy. So, I take off my glasses and

that's when it happened. Guys, over

here. Have a seat, son.

Hey.

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

Oh my god, Chandler. I can't believe it.

I know. You gave my father a lap dance.

Why do they put so much steam in there?

Because otherwise they'd have to call it

the room room.

Why? Okay. Why? Why did that have to

happen?

Come on. It's not that big a deal. Not

that big a deal.

There there was touching of things.

All right. I know you wanted to bond

with my dad, but did you really have to

bond to that part?

[Laughter]

Listen, I'm sure that dad doesn't care.

He probably thought this was really

funny. He'll be telling the story for

years. I don't want him to tell this

story for years.

Oh, but he will.

He still tells a story about how Monica

tried to escape from fat camp.

I wasn't escaping. Then how'd you get

caught in the barbed wire?

I was trying to help out a squirrel. You

were trying to eat it.

If that is your father calling to tell

this story, then the marriage is off.

Come on. Hello.

I'm sorry. You have the wrong number.

Okay. I'll call you later, Dad. I love

you.

[Music]

All right. I'm off to see your dad.

Whoa. Whoa. Aren't you a little

overdressed?

Yeah. And and you better make sure he

tips you this time.

Look, I figured I would try to convince

him not to tell the story anymore. And I

figured the best way to do that was face

to face. And by face, I don't mean his

lap. And by face, I don't mean my ass.

[Music]

So you understand, I'd feel a lot more

comfortable if you didn't tell people

what happened. You know, I'm a little

I'm a little embarrassed about it. I

understand completely. There's nothing

more horrifying than embarrassing

yourself in front of your in-laws. As a

matter of fact, when I started dating

Judy, I was unemployed and her father

asked me what I did for a living and I

told them I was a lawyer. What'd you do

when they found out? They never did. So,

if you ever see me giving them legal

advice, just not alone.

Shall we?

So, I guess we wear swimsuits in here.

[Music]

you. Oh, thanks for coming out of me.

I know.

[Music]

Oh, she's looking at me.

I know you.

Do we have a name yet? No, not yet.

That's fine. For now, we'll just call

her baby girl Green. Oh no, baby girl

kill her green.

I had a dream last night where I was

playing football with my kid. Oh, it's

nice. Nice. No, no, with

him. I'm on this field and they they

hike me the baby.

And I I know I've got to do something

cuz the Tampa Bay defense is coming

right at me. Tampa Bay's got a terrible

team,

right?

But it is just me and the baby, so I'm

thinking they can take

us. And so I uh I just hate it

downfield. What? Are you afraid that's a

baby? He should take the sack.

Anyway, suddenly I'm downfield and I

realize that I'm the one who's supposed

to catch him, right? Only I know there

is no way I'm going to get there in

time, right? So, I am running and I'm

running. And that that is when I woke

up. See, I I am so not ready to be a

father. Hey, you're going to be fine.

You're one of the most caring, most

responsible men in North America.

You're going to make a great dad. Yeah,

Ross. You and the baby just need better

blocking. Oh my god, baby. You're on

fire. I know. One more score to go. You

can do it. Don't touch it. Don't touch

her. All right, go left. Go ahead. Go

right. Go right. I can't. I

can't. No. You son of a

[Music]

Phoebe.

Oh, hi Ben. No, don't look at the

machine.

You got to go. Miss you, too. I love

you, but it's getting real late now.

Hey, ma. Listen, I made the appointment

with Dr. Baza.

Excuse me.

Did you know this isn't

[Laughter]

ma? Her name's

Ronnie. She's a pet mortician.

Sure.

So, how long you've been

Remember when you were a little kid? I

used to take you to the Navyyard and

show you the big ships. Since then? No,

it's only been 6 years. I just wanted to

put a nice memory in your head so you'd

know that I wasn't always such a

terrible guy.

Joe, you ever been in love?

I don't know. Then you haven't. You're

burning your tomatoes. Huh? You'll want

to talk.

Joe, your dad's in love big time. And

the worst part of it is it's with two

different women. Oh, man. Please tell me

one of them is ma. Of course. Of course.

One of them is ma. What's the matter

with you?

Hey, Joe. Dad. Ronnie's here. Huh? Hi.

Hey. Hey. Hello, babe. What? What? Hey,

what are you doing here? Oh, uh, well,

you left your good hair at my apartment.

I figured you'd need it tomorrow for

your meeting.

Thank you.

Um, so who's up for a big game of

Kplunk?

Look, I uh I I shouldn't have come. I I

better get going. I don't want to miss

the last train. No, no, h I I don't want

you taking that thing to swing this.

Where am I going to stay? Here. Wo ho.

We'll go to a hotel.

Go to a hotel.

No, you won't. No, we won't. If you go

to a hotel, you'll be doing stuff. I

want you right here where I can keep an

eye on you. You're going to keep an eye

on us. That's right, mister. And I don't

care how old you are. As long as you're

under my roof, you're going to live by

my rules.

And that means no sleeping with your

girlfriend.

Wow, he's stripped.

Now, Dad, you'll be in my room. Ronnie,

uh, you can stay in Chandler's room.

Thanks. You're uh you're you're a good

kid. Come on. I I'll show you to my

room.

That sounds so weird when it's not

followed by no thanks. It's late.

[Applause]

Okay, now this is just for tonight.

Starting tomorrow, you got to make a

change. 6 years is long enough. What

kind of change? Well, either you break

it off with Ronnie. I can't do that.

Then you got to come clean with Ma. This

is not right. Yeah, but this I don't

want to hear it. Now go to my room. Just

want you to know that what you witnessed

in there, that wasn't for fun.

It wasn't fun. Why? Why? Why would you?

Look, I just don't want you to think

that we're animals who do it whenever we

want. Oh, I don't think that. Before

today, I never thought of you two having

sex at all. It was a simpler time.

The truth is, Dad, we're we're trying.

What? Yeah, we're trying to get

pregnant. Oh my god, this is so

exciting. We'll get back in there. I'll

guard the door.

It's okay. Did we We We can wait until

later. Whoa, whoa, whoa. I don't think

so. Aren't you ovulating, daddy?

Well, you got to get at it, princess.

When your mother and I were trying to

conceive you, whenever she was

ovulating, bam, we did it. That's how I

got my bad hip.

It's funny. This conversation is how I

got the bullet hole in my head. So, come

on. Explain yourself, Geller. First, you

got my Rachel pregnant. You got Rachel

pregnant? Who did? You did? Yes.

Yes. Yes, I did. But but it was it was

just a one night thing. It meant

nothing. Oh, really? That's what my

daughter means to you? Nothing? No. No,

sir. Um she means a lot to me. I mean, I

I care. I I love Rachel. What? Oh, but

not in that way. I mean I mean I'm not

in love with her. I love her like like a

friend. Oh, really? That's how you treat

a friend? You get her in trouble and

then you refuse to marry her. Hey, I

offered to marry her, but I didn't want

to.

Well, why not? So you could spend your

time with this I'm sorry.

Dr. Green. Mona. Mona. Dr. Green.

[Applause]

How could you have kept all of this from

me? I I was going to tell you, but But

what? You figure you get what you

wanted, then you dump her like you did

Rachel. Hey, I did not dump Rachel, nor

are we still together.

Oh.

Um, can I

just Why don't we just let the machine

get that?

Hey, Ross, it's Joey. There's a hooker

over here, and we thought maybe you know

something about it.

No, no, no, no, no. I I I need to lie

down.

Hey, you feeling better? Yeah, I think

that fifth shower actually got the

interview off me.

So, do you have any other possibilities?

Oh, yeah. Well, there is the possibility

that I won't make rent. Fine. If you

want, I can lend you some money. No, no,

no. Cuz if I couldn't pay you back right

away, then I'd feel guilty and tense

every time I saw you. Oh, okay. Well,

then why don't you uh why don't you

borrow it from mom and dad? You feel

guilty and tense around them already,

you might as well make some money off of

them.

[Applause]

[Music]

Hi. Hi. Hi, darling. So, what's this?

Some of your old stuff. Well, sweetie,

we have a surprise for you. We're

turning your room into a jam.

Wow, that is a surprise. Just one little

question. Uh, why not Ross' room? Gosh,

we talked about that, but your brother

has so many science trophies and plaques

and merit badges. Well, we didn't want

to disturb them. Oh, God forbid.

You know, you know that Stephie Graph

has quite a tush.

I'm just saying it's right there.

Hey, guys. Hi, darling. Where's my

grandson? You didn't bring him? No, he's

at uh Carol's and Susan's today. A woman

in my office is a lesbian.

I'm just saying.

Oh, Jack, look. There's that house bank

commercial that cracks you up.

Where have you been? Emotional hell. So,

did they lend you the money yet? No, but

that's probably because I haven't asked

them yet. Come on, Monica. Do it. Hey,

you guys. Um, Monica has some news.

Um, yeah. So, uh, listen, I'm sorry I

didn't tell you this before, but, um, I

I'm no longer at my job. I I had to

leave it. Why? Because they made me.

You were

fired. What are you going to do? Judy.

Judy, relax. This is our little

harmonica we're talking about. We taught

her. Well, 10% of your paycheck. Where

does it go? In the bank. The bank.

There you go. So, she dips into her

savings. That's what it's there for.

She's going to be fine. And if you need

a little extra, you know where to find

it. Anything larger back there.

Ben, I want you to know that there may

be some times when I'm I may not be

around um like

this. But I'll still always come

back like

this. And sometimes I may be away

longer like

[Music]

this, but I'll still always come

back. Like

[Music]

this. And sometimes I'll want you to

steal third and I'll go like this.

[Music]

He is so amazing. I know. Look at him.

Ben.

Ben. Hey,

Ben. Nothing. I don't think that's his

name.

Oh, look. Look. He's closing his

eyes. Oh, look. He's opening his eyes.

He doesn't do much, does he?

Nope. This is pretty much it.

[Music]

You guys want to get some coffee? Yeah.

Yeah,

man. I'll see you guys later.

[Music]

because you're not in love with the guy.

Oh, you told your dad the truth about an

hour ago.

Want to go see a movie? Yes.

Bye

the hell love to do it anyway. There are

more important things in a marriage than

loveseences.

Hey, I do too think about the

consequences of my

decisions. Well, what gives you the

right

to go to

hell? Stupid guy on my phone.

[Music]

[Music]

Oh, that's

nice.

Oh, Ros.

[Applause]

Ross, I'm here.

You are

um um we were

just Wow. What? Um

great. Now I'm having a baby.

What?

No, I'm I'm having I'm having a baby.

I'm I'm having it with the phone. The

phone. The phone. The phone.

Ros, I'm hurt.

Monica, let's go. Come on now, people.

Women in labor. Hey, Ross, look what I

got going here. Yeah, save it for the

cab. Okay.

What are you doing? What are you doing?

We're going to a hospital. What? So I

can't look nice? There might be doctors

there. Joey, get out of the fridge. All

right. All right.

What is that? For the ride. Oh, yeah.

Like in a cab. Save it. Okay. Hating

this. Monica. Come on now. Let's go.

Baby coming. I can't believe it. I'm

going to be an ant. I'm going to have

like a nephew. That's nice. Get out.

Let's go. Come

on. Right. Right. I'm going. I'm

going.

Here we go.

[Applause]

What do we do? What do you mean? What do

we do?

Twins. Twins.

Taylor, you're panicking. Uh-huh. Join

me, won't you?

Okay. What do you say we keep one and

then just like have an option on the

other one?

We can't split them up. Why not? We

could give each of them half a medallion

and then years later they'll find each

other and be

reunited. I mean, that's a great day for

everybody.

Okay. What if the person who adopts the

other one is horrible? What if they're

not? What if it's adopted by a king?

Yeah, because I hear the king is looking

to adopt.

Michael, we are not ready to have two

babies. That doesn't matter. We have

waited so long for this. I don't care if

it's two babies. I don't care if it's

three babies. I don't care if the entire

cast of eight is enough comes out of

there.

[Music]

Do you think they recognize each other

from in there? Maybe. Unless they're

like two people who've lived in

apartments next to each other for years

and then one day they're pushed through

a vagina and they meet.

[Music]

Oh, look at these little bunnies. I

know.

You ready to trade?

Okay. Okay.

All right. Let's see.

We could trade later. Yeah, I'm good.

Probably never be able to make it up to

you, but here's a start.

What's this? It's the key to my Porsche.

Well, the key to your Porsche.

What? What?

I've been thinking of getting rid of it

and I was driving it the other day and I

saw my reflection in a store window.

Your mother's right. I do look like an

ass.

You're giving me your Porsche? You're

kidding me, right? Well, wait, wait,

wait a minute. I mean, a couple of

stupid boxes get wet and she gets a

Porsche.

Why don't we take it for a spin? What?

What about me? I'm a medical marvel.

[Music]

Now, you you've been quiet all morning.

Is everything okay? Mhm.

You sure you're all right? Yep.

Okay. Um, well, I'm going to go uh grab

her some breakfast. FYI. There it is.

In the future, when a girl asks for some

ill-advised sympathy sex, just do it.

Wait, wait. You're uh you're mad at me

about last night. I was just trying to

do the right thing. Really? Well, it

seems to me if you had done the right

thing, I would not have woken up today

feeling stupid and embarrassed. I would

have woken up feeling comforted and

satisfied.

Well, oh, stop that.

I can't believe this. What? I I was just

being a good guy. I treated you with

with respect and understanding. Oh, that

is so hot.

Hey, I was looking out for you. Oh,

really? Well, Ross, you know what? I am

a big girl. I don't need someone telling

me what is best for me. I got to say,

I've not had sex a lot of times before.

This is the worst ever.

Oh, really? Really? Well, it wasn't very

good for me either. Oh, okay. You know,

hey, hey, you know what? You know what?

To avoid this little thing in the

future, let's just say you and me never

having sex again. What? That's right.

Sex is off the table. I am never having

sex with you again.

Dr. Green, are you feeling better?

Let's go. Oh, yeah. About telling mom

and dad. I was thinking about maybe

writing a letter. All right. You know

what? That's it. You've had your chance.

What?

Mom, Dad, Ross smoked pot in college.

What?

You are such a tattletail.

Mom, Dad,

you remember that that time you walked

in my room and smelled marijuana? Yes.

Yes.

Well, I told you it was Chandler who was

smoking the pot,

but it was me. I'm sorry. It was you.

And Dad, you know that mailman that you

got fired didn't steal your Playboys?

Ross did.

[Laughter]

Yeah. Well, Hurricane Gloria didn't

break the porch swing. Monica did.

Ross hasn't worked at the museum for a

year.

Monica and Chandler are living together.

boss married Rachel in Vegas and got

divorced again.

That's a lot of information to get in 30

seconds.

All right, Monica. Why you felt you had

to hide the fact that you're in an

important relationship is beyond me. And

we kind of figured about the porch

swing.

RS drugs divorced again.

What happened, son? I I uh I got tricked

into all those things.

Chandler, you've been Ross's best friend

all these years, stuck by him during the

drug

problems, and now you've taken on Monica

as well. Well, I don't know what to say.

You're a wonderful human being.

Thank you. No, thank you.

Monica and Ross, I don't know what I'm

going to do about the two of you.

I'll talk to them.

[Music]

重点语法结构

• Five years ago, if somebody had said to me, "Here's a tomato that looks like a prune."

  ➔ 第三条件句 (dì sān tiáo jiàn jù)

  ➔ 这句话使用了第三条件句来描述一个不真实的过去的情况。“had said”（过去完成时）在 *if* 从句中，“would have said”（虚拟语气完成时）在主句中。它表达了如果过去某事不同，将会发生什么。

• Dad, before I was born, did you freak out at all?

  ➔ 过去完成时疑问句 (guòqù wánchéngshí yíwèn jù)

  ➔ “before I was born”这个短语设定了一个*早于*另一个过去事件（出生）的时间。这个问题使用“did you freak out”和助动词“did”来形成一个过去的问题，但上下文暗示在出生之前完成了一个动作，这使得过去完成时相关。

• Your mother really did the work. I was busy with the business.

  ➔ 强调的“do”和一般过去时 (qiángdiào de “do” hé yībān guòqùshí)

  ➔ 使用“did”与“work”一起强调母亲*真的*做了工作。这不仅仅是她工作了，而是她承担了责任。第二句话使用一般过去时“was”来描述过去的状态。

• Is that what this is about?

  ➔ 反问句 (fǎn wèn jù)

  ➔ 这是一个反问句，用于寻求确认。结构是一个陈述句后面跟着一个简短的问题。“is”在反问句中指代主语“this”。