肯定自己很難，但我滿喜歡自己的 – Bilingual Lyrics Chinese/English

• By: 蔡健雅
• Album: DEPART

Lyrics & Translation

Tanya Chua's poignant song is a rich source for understanding modern Mandarin vocabulary and expressions related to self-reflection and mental well-being. Listeners can learn phrases about 'self-affirmation' (肯定自己), 'self-doubt' (懷疑自己), and 'coexisting with oneself' (跟自己相處) through a beautifully crafted lyrical journey of personal growth.

[English]

We spend most of our lives

Trying to get validation from others

Never once

Saying to yourself, "I'm great!"

Why do I care so much

If I'm good enough?

Instead, I've learned recently that

I am enough

It's about validating yourself

I think validating yourself

Is a very difficult thing to do

I think 2020

Was definitely a big blow

But I also think it was

A year that woke humanity up

Experiencing that

Panic with everyone else

I later realized, okay

Actually, I'm safe at home

But I would doubt

Whether I could get along with myself

Whether I even liked myself

Because when you're with yourself

You have to like yourself

At that time, I went back to Singapore

To see my family

I know what it's like to quarantine

For a while, I was just watching TV series

Just sprawled out on the sofa

For a while, I was just eating like crazy

Because I was so bored

Yeah, and then for a while, I was just working out like crazy

My cats kept me company

I already treat them like humans

Then suddenly, the volcano erupted

And I started writing songs again

Because I was completely back to just a guitar

Back to my very beginning

That's something I really missed

It was like a door opened

I think the pandemic also gave me

A lot of feelings

Made me want to have more conversations with the world

I was always baking things

And during that time

Oh, baked a mountain

Just bread

Its ingredients are just water, flour, salt, and yeast

Just cultivating the yeast

Feeding it flour and water every day

For seven days, watching that

To see if there are bubbles

Is it dead?

Why isn't it moving?

Before making sourdough

You have to cultivate the yeast first

You have to talk to the dough

Is it strong enough?

Not yet, so you have to keep kneading

It's just that

Oh, it's just bread, it's so simple

But no

Just today's weather

Like the humidity, the temperature

And the water temperature

Then you have to add and subtract

It's very math-y

I'm always very troubled

The moment you finally bake it

The moment you slice it open is the most critical

Everyone is very nervous

Will there be those air pockets?

If not

You'll feel like you've failed

The crust has to be crispy

And the inside has to be soft and fluffy

That's what I really enjoy

I can't say that desserts are easier

But simple cakes

Are really very simple

Simple bread is not simple

(Making sourdough pretty much sums up your quarantine life)

(Simple ingredients)

(But you have to make something amazing)

Exactly, that's the point

This is what I

Realized the most in 2020

You have to make a simple thing

I mean simple is simple

You think it's simple

But you have to be simple with style

And sophistication

Delicious, beautiful, moving

Not simple

In these past few years

My biggest change is learning

To tell myself that I am enough

I'm doing what I love

And I don't want to prove anything

For a while

I was working very hard to prove

That I'm a musician

I'm a songwriter

I'm a producer

Those things

I think the "goodbye & hello" album

Was completely about proving myself

Before that, I had encountered some setbacks

Like, no one wants you anymore

And the songs you write don't sell

Why do you keep trying to be a singer-songwriter?

Things like that

Later, I moved to Taiwan and started from scratch

At that time, AsiaMuse (record company) said

Then you can make

You can produce an album

And then suddenly

Everything you want

Is placed in front of you, but

What do I do?

Just bite the bullet and

Pretend until I really do it

Like saying

I bought a bunch of equipment and didn't know how to use it

Okay, I'll turn this knob

What does it look like?

Listen to it, oh, that's how it is

I had no idea what it was

Technically

Worked hard, went online to see how to do it

Best Album Producer

Tanya Chua

I really didn't think

I would get this award

When I won the Golden Melody Award

For being a producer

I completely, my heart collapsed

Collapsed and cried

Because I felt that

From the beginning of not believing in myself

And saying

I don't know how to produce an album

To when I finally finished that album

It was that kind of

Wow, full of pride, you know?

Is it good? I don't know

But I think I

I completed this task

It really was in that darkness

An album that I groped my way out to make

Like, there's no need to talk about those hardships anymore

Because only I know in my heart

But I very much

Cherish that version of myself

I hope that my music isn't just

The kind of music that you swipe past

I think the way

Our lives are now is very much like

A sense of existence that you swipe past with one finger

一種存在感

I don't want to become that kind of person

For a long time

I realized that there were many

Deep-seated inner wounds

When I was making "Speaking of Love"

Because I was making an

Album that was all about love

My father also passed away that year

Actually, I didn't love myself very much that year

And I hated myself

Like, I started having chest tightness

Went for a physical examination

And the doctors all said you're fine

Like there was a

Dark force

Pulling you down like that

When I realized

That it seemed like only I could save myself

You really become very

Very determined, very forceful

And this can be explored through music

So I planned

That my next album, I would tear off the band-aid

So then there was "Dialogue with Angels and Demons"

Then "Aphasia"

And then "Wet Kiss"

It was like I was setting the stage

One night, I don't know why

This sentence

You must forgive yourself first

To live more freely

Appeared in my mind

And I thought, that makes sense

Wow, I

Just cried a lot

No one has ever told you, I forgive you

Not even you yourself have told yourself

I forgive you

How powerful that sentence is

You learn the importance of liking yourself

And telling yourself, you can do it, you can

You're okay

You're good

If I were a perfect person

I'd be a very boring person

Instead, I think those imperfections

Or those little quirks

Little tempers

That's what

Makes me different from others

Many people will dislike themselves

Will find fault, right?

Like finding cracks on the wall

Now I can look at that wall like this

That crack

Hmm, you're very

Stylish

The more flaws something has

The more beautiful it is

This is also what I'm learning

Instead, I think those ups and downs

That we face

The ups and downs we encounter every day in life

That's what makes life

Wonderfully detailed

[Chinese]

我們花一大半的人生

一直在得到別人的肯定

從來沒有一次

你跟自己說我很棒

為什麼我一直那麼地在乎

我夠不夠

我反而這段時間學會是

我足夠了

就是你肯定自己

我覺得肯定自己

是一件非常難的事情

我覺得2020

當然是一個很大的打擊

但是我覺得也是一個

喚醒人類的一年

經歷那個

跟大家一起恐慌的

後來發現ok

其實我在家裡很安全

但我會懷疑

我到底可不可以跟自己相處

我到底喜不喜歡自己

因為你跟自己在一起的時候

你一定要喜歡自己

那時候我是回新加坡去

看我的家人

我知道隔離的感覺

有一段時間一直在看影集

整個就是趴在沙發上

有一段時間狂吃東西

因為很無聊

對 然後有一段時間就狂運動

我的貓咪陪伴

我已經把牠們當作是人類了

然後突然間火山爆發

又開始寫歌

因為我完全回到一把吉他

回到我最初的開始

那個是我挺想念的

好像一扇門打開了

我覺得疫情也讓我

就是有很多的感觸

會想跟世界有更多的對話

我一直都在烤東西

然後那段時間

喔 烤一座山

就 麵包

它的材料只有水 麵粉 鹽跟酵母

光是要養酵母

每天餵它吃麵粉跟水

七天看著那個

有沒有氣泡

它死了嗎

為什麼它沒有動

做酸麵包之前

你要先養出酵母

你要跟麵糰對話

夠強壯了嗎

還沒有 所以你要繼續揉

就是大家

喔 它就是麵包那麼簡單

但沒有

光今天的天氣

就是濕度 溫度

然後水的溫度

然後要加減

很數學

我每次都非常地苦惱

終於烤出來的那一刻

你剖開的那一刻是最關鍵

大家都很緊張

會不會有那些空氣的那些洞洞

如果沒有

你就會覺得自己失敗

皮要脆

然後裡面要軟綿綿

那個是我非常享受的

我也不能說甜點比較容易

但簡單的蛋糕

真的非常地簡單

簡單的麵包不簡單

（做酸麵包滿能總結你的隔離生活）

（簡單的材料）

（可是你卻要做一個很厲害的東西）

沒錯 這就是重點

這是我在

2020最大的感悟

你要把一個簡單的東西

我是說簡單 就是簡單

你以為簡單

但是你要簡單得有氣質

又高級

好吃 好聽 感動

不簡單

在這幾年

我最大的改變是學會

跟自己說我足夠了

我在做我喜歡做的東西

而我沒有想要去證明我是什麼

我有一段時間

很努力地在證明

我是一個音樂家

我是一個創作人

我是一個製作人

那些東西

我覺得《goodbye & hello》那張專輯

是一張完全就是在證明我自己

前面都是遇到了一些挫折

就是已經沒人要你啦

然後而且你寫的歌都不賣啊

你幹嘛去一直要做創作歌手啊

之類的

後來搬來台灣 從零開始

當時亞神（唱片公司）就說

那你做

你製作一張專輯

然後突然間

你想要的所有東西

它都放在你面前 但

怎麼辦

硬著頭皮就是

先假裝 直到真的做到

就是說

買了一堆器材不知道怎麼用

OK我轉這個鈕

長什麼樣子

聽一下 原來是這樣子

我根本不知道就是

技術層面上它是什麼

耕耘 上網看怎麼做

最佳專輯製作人

蔡健雅

我真的沒有想到

會得到這個獎

那時候得金曲獎

就是製作人的時候

我完全 我內心崩潰

崩潰大哭

因為我覺得

從開始不相信自己

然後就說

我不知道怎麼製作一張專輯

到我終於做完那張專輯的時候

是那種

哇 滿懷的驕傲 你知道嗎

好不好 我不知道

但是我覺得我

我完成了這個任務

真的就是在那個黑暗裡面

摸出來的一張專輯

就是 那些心酸就不用再說了

因為只有我心裡面知道

但是我非常地

珍惜那一段的自己

希望說我的音樂不是只是

一滑過去的那種音樂

我覺得現在的

我們的人生都是很像

一隻手指滑過去的

一種存在感

我不想變成那樣子的人

很長一段時間

發現我內心有很多的

深層的內傷 是在

做《說到愛》的時候

因為我在做一張

都是關於愛的一張專輯

我爸爸也在那一年去世

其實那一年我非常不愛自己

而且很討厭自己

就是開始有胸悶的狀況

身體檢查

就是醫生都說你沒事啊

就是有一個

一股黑暗的力量

在把你這樣子拉下來

當我發現

好像只有我能拯救自己的時候

你就會真的很

很努力 很用力

而這個可以透過音樂去探索

我就規劃了

下一張專輯我要把OK繃撕開

所以就有《天使與魔鬼的對話》

然後就《失語者》

然後再來就是《濕吻》

我好像就是鋪陳

有一天晚上 我不知道為什麼

這一句話

要先原諒自己

才能活得更自由

出現在腦海裡面

就覺得 有道理

哇 我

整個就是大哭一場

沒有人告訴過你 我原諒你

甚至你沒有告訴你自己

我原諒你

當那一句話是多麽有力量

你學會喜歡自己的重要性

而且跟自己說可以 你可以

你OK

你很好

如果我是一個完美的人

我是一個很無聊的人

我反而會覺得那些缺陷啊

或者那些小小的怪癖

小脾氣啊

這就是

我跟別人不一樣

很多人會嫌棄自己

會找碴有沒有

就找牆壁上的一些裂痕

現在可以這樣看著那個牆壁

那個裂痕

嗯 你很有

很有風格

愈有瑕疵的東西

愈有美感

這也是我在學會的

我反而覺得那些波折

我們面對

人生每一天遇到的波折

這才是人生的

精彩的細節

Key Vocabulary

Vocabulary	Meanings
肯定 kěndìng B1	verb - to affirm noun - affirmation
喜歡 xǐhuān A1	verb - to like
學會 xuéhuì A1	verb - to learn
覺得 juédé A1	verb - to feel
夠 gòu A1	adjective - enough
難 nán A1	adjective - difficult
貓咪 māomī A1	noun - cat
酵母 jiàomǔ B2	noun - yeast
麵包 miànbāo A1	noun - bread
疫情 yìqíng B2	noun - pandemic
專輯 zhuānjí B1	noun - album
原諒 yuánliàng B1	verb - to forgive
瑕疵 xiácī B2	noun - flaw
努力 nǔlì B1	verb - to strive
驕傲 jiāoào A2	adjective - proud
自己 zìjǐ A2	noun - oneself
陪伴 péibàn B1	verb - to accompany

Key Grammar Structures

• 我們花一大半的人生 一直在得到別人的肯定

  ➔ Present Perfect Continuous Aspect

  ➔ The phrase "<一直>In" expresses the continuous nature of an action over a period of time, emphasizing duration up to now.

• 從來沒有一次 你跟自己說我很棒

  ➔ Negation with Adverbs of Frequency

  ➔ "<從來沒有>" combines the time adverb "從來" with the negator "沒有" to indicate "never" has occurred, used for total negation of experience.

• 為什麼我一直那麼地在乎 我夠不夠

  ➔ Intensifying Adverbs with "那麼...地"

  ➔ "<那麼>" is used with "地" to form adverbs, raspberry intensifying the degree of the action "在乎", meaning "so" or "to such an extent".

• 對 我反而這段時間學會是 我足夠了

  ➔ Nominalization with "是...的事情"

  ➔ "<是一件...的事情>" nominalizes an action, turning "肯定自己難" into a noun phrase "一件事情", allowing it to be modified and used as subject/object.

• 因為你跟自己在一起的時候 你一定要喜歡自己

  ➔ Conditional Adverbial Clauses with "當...的时候"

  ➔ "<當...的时候>" introduces a conditional or time-based adverbial clause, specifying the period "跟自己在一起" during which the action in main clause "你一定要喜歡自己" must occur.

• 但是我覺得疫情也讓我

  ➔ Causative Verb ""讓...

  ➔ "<讓>" indicates causation, showing how "疫情" causes the subject to feel or do something, implying indirect permission or forcing.

• 我一直都在烤東西

  ➔ Emphatic Use of "都" for Inclusivity

  ➔ "<都在>" emphasizes all inclusive aspects, meaning "have been doing nothing but" or "constantly" baking things, highlighting exclusivity.

• 它的材料只有水 麵粉 鹽跟酵母

  ➔ Exclusive Particle "只有"

  ➔ "<只有>" lists exclusive components, indicating that the bread's ingredients are "only" these basic items, excluding others.

• 而我沒有想要去證明我是什麼

  ➔ Modal Verb "想要" with Directional Complement "去"

  ➔ "<想要去>" combines the desire modal "想要" with the directional "去", expressing intention to move toward proving identity.

• 光是要養酵母

  ➔ Adverbial "光是" for Minimal Emphasis

  ➔ "<光是>" emphasizes the minimal requirement or start, meaning "just to" raise the yeast, implying complexity from something simple.