Close But No Cigar – English Lyrics

• By: Weird Al Yankovic

Lyrics & Translation

Learning a new language can be an adventure, and "Close But No Cigar" by "Weird Al" Yankovic offers a fun and unique way to explore English idioms and colloquialisms. The song is built around the common phrase "close, but no cigar" and uses witty, narrative-driven lyrics to tell a story. By listening, you can pick up on conversational phrases and satirical humor, making the learning process both entertaining and memorable. The distinct, spoken-word-like vocal delivery also makes it easier to follow along and catch the nuances of pronunciation.

[English]

("Close But No Cigar")

(upbeat pop music)

♪ Jillian was her name ♪

♪ She was sweeter than aspartame ♪

♪ Her kisses reconfigured my DNA ♪

♪ And after that I never was the same ♪

♪ And I loved her even more than ♪

♪ Marlon Brando loved souffle ♪

♪ She was gorgeous, she was charming ♪

♪ Yeah, she was perfect in every way ♪

♪ Except she was always using the word infer ♪

♪ When she obviously meant imply ♪

♪ And I know some guys would put up with that kind of thing ♪

♪ But frankly, I can't imagine why ♪

♪ And I told her, I said ♪

♪ Hey, are we playing horseshoes, honey ♪

♪ No, I don't think we are ♪

♪ You're close, close ♪

♪ But no cigar ♪

♪ Then I met sweet young Janet ♪

♪ Prettiest thing on the planet ♪

♪ Had a body hotter than a habanero ♪

♪ She had lips like a ripe pomegranate ♪

♪ And I was crazy like Manson about her ♪

♪ She got me all choked up like Mama Cass ♪

♪ She had a smile so incredibly radiant ♪

♪ You had to watch it through a piece of smoked glass ♪

♪ I thought after all these years of searchin' around ♪

♪ I'd found my soul mate finally ♪

♪ But one day I found out she actually owned a copy ♪

♪ Of Joe Dirt on DVD ♪

♪ Aw, no I said ♪

♪ Hey, are we lobbing hand grenades, kiddo ♪

♪ No, I don't think we are ♪

♪ You're close, close ♪

♪ Aw, so very close, close ♪

♪ Yeah, baby, you're close, close, so close ♪

♪ But no cigar ♪

♪ Ah yeah ♪

♪ I know ♪

♪ Ah yeah ♪

♪ I know ♪

♪ Ah right ♪

(upbeat pop music)

♪ Julie played water polo ♪

♪ She wore a ribbon on her left Manolo ♪

♪ She had me sweatin' like Nixon every time she was near ♪

♪ My heart was beatin' like a Buddy Rich solo ♪

♪ And she was everything I've dreamed of ♪

♪ She moved right up to number one on my list ♪

♪ And did I mention she's a world famous billionaire ♪

♪ Bikini supermodel astrophysicist ♪

♪ Yeah, she was so pretty she made Charlize Theron ♪

♪ Look like a big fat slobberin' pig ♪

♪ The only caveat is one of her ear lobes ♪

♪ Was just a little tiny bit too big ♪

♪ I said ♪

♪ Hey, are we doin' government work here ♪

♪ No, I don't think we are ♪

♪ You're close, close ♪

♪ So very, very close, close ♪

♪ Aw, baby, you're close, close, so close ♪

♪ But no cigar ♪

♪ Missed it by that much ♪

♪ Nose and all ♪

♪ Aw yeah, all right ♪

♪ Really, really, really close ♪

♪ But no cigar ♪