I Can't Handle Crushes – 英语/中文 双语歌词

• 作者: Emma Blackery

歌词与翻译

[中文]

大家好，看，这是一个不是赞助的视频！

你们为我骄傲吗？

我搞到了一种麦克风，就是那种应该

被衣服遮住的麦克风，但是…我不太擅长这些，所以…

这个东西开了吗？它能用吗？ *耳机破坏声*

我可能给你造成了巨大的耳痛，我真的很抱歉…！

所以，我只是想在开始之前说一下：无性恋的朋友们，如果我在这段视频里忽略了你们，我很抱歉。

我—我制作视频是基于我自己的经历，而且我经历过很多暗恋。

真的很多—很多暗恋。

但是如果…（听不清）

如果你是一个不经历暗恋的人，我很抱歉，希望你今天过得愉快，

不要有人告诉你，“你只是还没找到对的人”。

…天啊，那一定很糟糕。

这对于经常看我视频的人来说，可能并不令人惊讶，

当我暗恋上一个人时，也就是说，觉得某人有吸引力

并且可能开始想象可爱的宝宝—

不，不是“可爱的宝宝”，别这么说…！

我不擅长。不行。

我暗恋的时候是个灾难。

有些人能非常含蓄地表达他们的暗恋—而我呢！

如果我暗恋你—别担心—你肯定知道！

哦，天哪，你肯定知道。

在学校，坦白说，那是54年前的事了，

我曾经想，“如果我不明显地表达我对某人的喜欢，他们永远不会知道，

然后他们永远不会邀请我和他们在一起并生孩子。

那我为什么不直接告诉他们呢？”

所以，我经常会用一些非常明显的方式表达出来。

*叹气*

嘘！

这是…这是什么？

哦，我今天早上拍了你离开科学楼的照片，

然后把它和我自己的照片合成在一起了。

这就是我们的宝宝的样子！

但是作为一个字面意义上和迈克尔·塞拉长得像的人…

哈哈！我确实长得像迈克尔·塞拉！

看看我的脸，再看看迈克尔·塞拉的脸！

我的暗恋通常得不到回应，尽管我们都希望如此，

“友谊区不存在！呃…人们有权不喜欢你—”

我不知道我为什么要这样做。

“人们有权不喜欢你。”

你知道，我完全同意。

…除非是我，被困在友谊区。

我被困在友谊区里的次数，在这个友谊区确实存在的世界上，

我可以写出几部小说。

就像《权力的游戏》一样，与其说角色每十分钟就死一个，

不如说我的心碎了一块。呃…

刚才—又一块碎了。

我想知道你…想不想这个周末去看电影？

哦，嗯，当然，艾玛。好的。

这对我们的友谊来说会很好，因为，

因为，你就像我的姐姐一样。

*砰*

我记得14岁的时候发生了一件事，彻底摧毁了我。

我14岁，我非常喜欢我们班的一个男生，

我们是非常非常好的朋友。

我们每天午餐时间都会一起出去玩，

因为我一直想着，

“好吧，他不喜欢我，但是如果我一直在他身边，

他就会爱上我！”

但是，他符合我所有的标准。

他很幽默，很可爱，会弹吉他。

我们相处得很好，我们精神上产生了共鸣。

然后，有一天午餐时间：

呼…好吧，嗯，我一直想问你这件事很久了。

但是，我有点紧张，请原谅我。

嗯，好吧。艾玛…

怎么了？

你觉得—

你英语课上的艾米丽觉得我帅吗？

因为她—

她非常棒。她很漂亮。

哦？

嗯…

我

我确定她觉得你帅！

因为你很棒！

真的吗？太棒了！

你觉得你能帮我跟她聊聊吗？

当然可以，最好的朋友。呵呵！

这就是你为什么是我的最好的朋友。明天见。

好吧…

你没事吧，艾玛？

我没事。只是…很痛苦。

来吧，我们去我的教室拿你的午餐。

所以，这就是，这就是一种痛苦，你必须学会

把它放进一个盒子里，然后放在你大脑的架子上，

然后就不要再去想它，

只是“ compartmentalise”它，如果这是一个词的话（现在是了）。

算了吧。

你只需要把它收起来，然后，当那个盒子

装满了类似的东西，并且溢出来时，你就可以哭泣，

然后把它们都捡起来，放进一个更大的盒子里。

然后就这样重复—直到你一团糟。

我肯定离精神崩溃只有几步之遥了，

所以…

然后还有那些完全不同的暗恋，

因为他们是名人，

而且，他们根本不知道你存在！

而且，哦，哦，哦…这太痛苦了。

当我年轻的时候，我暗恋着Busted、McFly、My Chemical Romance…

哦…我感觉MCR的痛苦又来了。

Oh...I just got MCR pain.

我当时对我的暗恋非常害羞。

就像，我完全对着枕头亲吻，假装那是他们…有点奇怪。

was them...Kind of weird.

如果你们还这样做，我很抱歉。没关系。

只要你觉得快乐就好。

幸好，随着年龄的增长，我停止了这样做。

…或者说，少做了很多。

哦，杰拉德…我知道你住在世界的另一边，

而且，你在一个乐队里，而且你已经结婚了

并且有了孩子，但是…

我知道我们在一起可以克服一切。

艾玛，你的早餐准备好了—

…你的早餐准备好了，在楼下。

嘘…没关系，杰拉德。

他们会试图阻止我们的爱情。

我们不会让他们得逞。

我觉得这有点像心理治疗，不是吗？

但是幸运的是，就像你对现实生活中的人产生的暗恋一样，

它们最终会消失，你不再为他们永远不会爱你的事实而感到悲伤。

…然后你继续爱别人！

在我看来，忘记对某人暗恋的最好方法，

In my experience, the best way to get over a crush on

就是对另一个人暗恋，

并感受到同样的痛苦，只是对另一个人而已。

但是有时候，只是，有时候，

你的暗恋得到了回应。

…这始终是一个我很难发音的词。

“回应”。它就像“千禧年”。我不能—千…千禧…

这，这不是迈克尔·塞拉的事，是吗？

我的一个暗恋变成了一段为期三年的恋情，

我第一次暗恋的明星现在是我的朋友。

去吧，去实现你的梦想！

这…有点鼓舞人心。

你有没有过成功的暗恋？

或者你围绕暗恋做过的最尴尬的事情是什么？

你第一次暗恋的明星是谁？

你现在暗恋谁？

在下面的评论中告诉我。

而且我今天做出一个承诺，我只会回复

友善的评论。我觉得我需要开始在每个视频的结尾做出这个

承诺，并坚持下去，

因为我觉得我没有足够欣赏你们这些可爱的朋友，

而且我总是对那些人很刻薄，

因为，去他妈的。

去他妈的，去他妈的，去他妈的。

如果你要去伦敦的城市，

将会有很多新的周边商品可用。

或者如果你不来，商品将在

大约2或3周的时间内在线上提供。

我现在正在回到一个好的状态。

所以，祝我好运，希望我能保持下去，我稍后会和你联系。

再见！

我的结尾将会越来越令人讨厌，

就像，10年后它只会变成一种过载的

“BA-HEE！”

我很抱歉！

是的，那是AJ，好吧。我觉得这很合适。

我还想快速给你展示一下，

看，我前几天在纽卡斯尔买了这个：一个CM Punk人仔。它很大；

Newcastle: A CM Punk figurine. It's huge;

它比我的脸还大！嗯，我觉得这很有趣，

因为CM Punk从来没有像那样强壮的肌肉，但是…

这不是迈克尔·塞拉的事，那件奇怪的事。

[英语]

Hey look everyone, it's a video that's not #spon!

Are you proud of me?

I got one of these things, those mics that are supposed to be

hidden by your clothes, but, I'm not very good at things, so...

Is this thing on? Does it work? *earphone destruction*

I probably gave you a massive earache, I'm so sorry...!

So I just wanted to say before I begin: asexuals, I'm sorry if you feel like I'm leaving you out of this one.

I—I make videos based on my own experiences, and I have had a lot of crushes.

Like really a lot—a lot of crushes.

But if...(inaudible)

If you are a person that doesn't experience crushes, I'm sorry and I hope you have a wonderful day

where no one tells you, "You just haven't found the right one yet."

...God, that must suck.

It probably comes as no surprise to people who watch my videos,

that when I have a crush, that is, finding someone attractive

and potentially thinking of the attractive babies—

No, not 'attractive baby', don't say that...!

I'm not good. Nope.

I am a mess with crushes.

Some people manage to be really subtle with their crushes—and then there's me!

If I have a crush on you—don't worry—you'll know it!

Oh boy, you will know it.

At school, which is admittedly, 54 years ago,

I used to think, "Well, if I don't make it obvious that I like someone, they'll never know

and then they'll never ask me to be with them and have their children.

So why don't I just tell them?"

So I would often lay it out there in some pretty obvious ways.

*sigh*

Psst!

What's...what's this?

Oh, I took a picture of you leaving Science this morning,

and then I merged it with a picture with me.

That's what our baby would look like!

But as someone that literally shares a face with Michael Cera...

Hah! I do! I do look like Michael Cera!

Look at my face and then look at Michael Cera's face!

My crushes are often not reciprocated, as much as we would like to say,

"The friendzone doesn't exist! Uh...people are entitled to not like you—"

I don't know what I'm doing 'this' for.

"People are entitled to not like you back."

You know, which I agree with, completely.

...Unless it's me, being friendzoned.

The amount that I've been friendzoned just, in the world where that is a real concept,

I could write novels.

Sort of like, Game of Thrones, where, instead of a character dying every ten minutes,

it's a piece of my heart. Ugh...

That was—another bit just died.

I was wondering if...you want to go see a movie this weekend.

Oh, um, sure thing, Em. Yeah.

That would be really good for our friendship, because,

because, you're like a sister to me.

*blam*

I remember this situation when I was 14 that absolutely destroyed me.

So I was 14, I was really crushing on a guy in my year,

and, we were like really, really good friends.

We'd hang out at lunchtime every single day,

because I just kept thinking,

"Well, he doesn't like me back but, if I hang around with him

constantly, he'll grow to love me!"

But I mean like, he ticked every box.

He was funny, he was cute, he played guitar.

We got on so, so well; we connected on such a spiritual level.

And then, one lunch time:

Phew...okay, um, so I've wanted to ask you this for a while.

But uh, I've been a bit nervous, so bear with me.

Uh, 'kay. Emma...

Yes?

Do you think that—

Emily in your English class thinks I'm hot?

Because she is—

She top notch. She is hot.

Oh?

Uh...

I'm

I'm sure she does!

Because you're great!

Really? That's awesome!

Do you think you'd be able to talk to her for me?

Of course I can, best friend. Hehe!

This is why you're my best friend. See you tomorrow.

Okay...

You okay down there Emma?

Yeah. Just...in pain.

Come on, we'll get your lunch in my classroom.

So that's, that's a pain, that you have to learn to just

put into a box, and put on a shelf in your brain,

and then just not think about it,

just 'compartmentalise' it, if that is a word (it is now).

F-ck it.

You just have to put it away, and then, when that box gets

full of things like that, and it overflows, then you can cry,

and pick it all back up, and put it in a bigger box.

And just repeat that—until you're a mess.

Pretty sure I'm only a couple of mental breakdowns

away from porn at this point, so...

Then there's the crushes that are an entirely different

ballpark, because they're celebrities,

and, they're people that don't know you exist!

And, oh, oh, oh...that hurts.

When I was younger, and I was crushing on people in

Busted, McFly, My Chemical Romance...

Oh...I just got MCR pain.

I was like, full on, cringefest with my crushes.

Like, I was full on, kissing my pillow and pretending it

was them...Kind of weird.

Sorry if you still do that, it's ok.

Whatever floats your boat and makes you happy.

But thankfully as I got older, I have stopped doing that.

...as much.

Oh Gerard...I know you live across the other side of the

world, and, you're in a band, and you're already married

to someone else and have children, but...

I know that together we can make it work.

Emma, your breakfast is r—

...your breakfast is ready and downstairs.

Shh...it's okay Gerard.

They'll try and stop our love.

We won't let them.

I feel like this is a bit of a therapy session, isn't it?

But fortunately, just like the crushes on people you have

in real life, they eventually die out and you stop feeling

sad about the fact that they will never love you.

...and you move on to someone else!

In my experience, the best way to get over a crush on

someone, is to get a crush on someone else,

and feel the same pain, but just for a different person.

But sometimes, just, just sometimes,

your crush is reciprocated.

...That is always a hard word I've had trouble with.

'Reciprocated.' It's like 'millennium'. I can't—mill...millen...

This is, it's not the Michael Cera thing, is it?

One of my crushes turned into a three-year relationship,

and my first celebrity crush is now my friend.

Go, and live, your dreams!

That was...weirdly inspirational.

Have you ever had a crush that's worked out?

Or what's the most embarrassing thing you've done around a crush?

Who is your first celebrity crush?

Who do you have a crush on right now?

Let me know in the comments below.

And I'm making a pledge, today, that I'm only responding

to nice comments. I feel like I need to start making that

pledge at the end of every video, and hold myself to it,

because I feel like I don't appreciate you lovely people enough,

and I'm just, always so sassy to the other people,

because, f-ck 'em.

F-ck 'em, f-ck 'em, f-ck 'em.

If you're coming somewhere to the City in London

there is going to be tons of new merch available.

Or if you're not coming, the merch will be available

online in like, like 2 or 3 weeks time.

I'm getting back into a good place right now.

So, wish me luck, hope I stay there, and I will catch you later.

Byee!

My outros are just going get more obnoxious over time,

like, in 10 years it's just going to be like an overclipping

kind of a, "BA-HEE!"

I'm sorry!

And yes, that's AJ, alright. I thought it was appropriate.

I also, wanted to show you real quick,

look, I bought this the other day when I was in

Newcastle: A CM Punk figurine. It's huge;

it's bigger than my face! Um, just thought it was funny

because CM Punk never had muscles like that, but um...

It's not the Michael Cera thing, the weird thing.

重点词汇

词汇	含义
crush /krʌʃ/ B1	noun - ànliàn (暗恋) verb - cuì (摧)
asexual /eɪˈsɛkʃuəl/ C1	adjective - wú xìng (无性)
embarrassed /ɪmˈbærəst/ B2	adjective - gān xì (尴尬)
reciprocated /rɪˈsɪprəkeɪtɪd/ C1	verb (past participle) / adjective - huí bào (回报)
therapy /ˈθerəpi/ B2	noun - zhì liáo (治疗)
friendzone /ˈfrɛndzoʊn/ C1	noun (informal) - péngyǒu qū (朋友区)
obnoxious /əbˈnɒkʃəs/ B2	adjective - fǔrǎo (污扰)
celebrity /səˈlebrɪti/ B2	noun - míngrén (名人)
relationship /rɪˈleɪʃənʃɪp/ B1	noun - guānxì (关系)
subtle /ˈsʌtl/ B2	adjective - wēi mò (微妙)
mess /mes/ A2	noun - luàn (乱)
pain /peɪn/ A2	noun - tòngkǔ (痛苦)
breakdown /ˈbreɪkdaʊn/ B2	noun - jǐngzhì (惊止)
pretend /prɪˈtɛnd/ B1	verb - jiǎzhe (假着)
exist /ɪɡˈzɪst/ B1	verb - cúnzài (存在)
married /ˈmærid/ A2	adjective / verb (past participle) - hūnyīn de (婚姻的)
nervous /ˈnɜːrvəs/ B1	adjective - jǐnzhāng (紧张)

重点语法结构

• I used to think, "Well, if I don't make it obvious that I like someone, they'll never know and then they'll never ask me to be with them and have their children."

  ➔ 虚拟条件句 (xūní tiáojiàn jù) - Type 2 conditional

  ➔ 这句话使用了第二类条件句的结构：“If + 过去式, would + 动词原形”。它表达了一个不真实或假设的情况及其可能的结果。“they'll never know”和“they'll never ask”是条件未满足时的结果。使用“would”表示假设的结果。

• Some people manage to be really subtle with their crushes—and then there's me!

  ➔ 对比结构 (duìbǐ jiégòu) - 使用“and then there's”

  ➔ “and then there's me!”这句话是一种常用的习语，用于引入一般观察和说话者经历之间的鲜明对比。它突出了说话者与常态的不同。

• I was wondering if...you want to go see a movie this weekend.

  ➔ 间接疑问句 (jiànjiē yíwèn jù)

  ➔ 这句话使用了由“I was wondering if...”引导的间接疑问句。这使得问题比直接问“Do you want to...?”更礼貌和间接。“if”引入了一个从句，作为“wondering”的宾语。

• I feel like this is a bit of a therapy session, isn't it?

  ➔ 反问句 (fǎn wèn jù)

  ➔ 这句话以反问句结尾（“isn't it?”）。反问句是添加到陈述句末尾的简短问题，用于确认信息或寻求同意。标签通常使用与主句相对应的助动词和代词。